Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
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January 29, 2025
TLDR: Shauna Rae discusses her life journey with pituitary dwarfism, discussing discrimination, infertility struggles, escaping an abusive relationship, and keeping her boyfriend's identity private.

In this episode of the Unplanned Podcast, hosts Matt and Abby dive into the inspiring story of Shauna Rae, a remarkable young woman who has faced distinctive challenges due to her rare condition, pituitary dwarfism. Shauna's journey embodies resilience, strength, and insights into navigating a world that often misunderstands her. Here are the key takeaways from their candid conversation about infertility, abusive relationships, and the complexities of dating while living with a disability.
Understanding Pituitary Dwarfism
Shauna Rae stands at three feet and ten inches tall, a consequence of her battle with pediatric cancer, which left her with pituitary dwarfism. She discusses:
- Facing Discrimination: Shauna frequently encounters prejudices related to her appearance, often being mistaken for a child despite being 25 years old. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in responding to such misunderstandings.
- The Role of Family: Raised by parents who instilled caution and awareness regarding potential predators, Shauna has learned to navigate the world with a critical eye, knowing she could easily be perceived as vulnerable.
Infertility and the Quest for Parenthood
A significant theme in Shauna's story is her struggle with infertility, compounded by the medical aspects of her condition. Key points include:
- Challenges with Reproductive Health: Shauna discusses the heartbreak of realizing her infertility due to her hormonal imbalances, resulting from her past medical treatments.
- Societal Pressures: She candidly addresses the societal expectations placed on women regarding motherhood and how these pressures can intensify feelings of inadequacy.
- Financial Barriers: The difficulties in affording fertility treatments underscore a significant issue faced by many seeking to have children.
Escaping an Abusive Relationship
Shauna opens up about an abusive relationship that escalated rapidly, sharing her experience in a way that fosters understanding and awareness:
- Red Flags: She discusses identifying early warning signs like emotional manipulation and physical aggression, which she ultimately recognized as abusive behavior.
- The Aftermath: Following her escape, Shauna emphasizes the importance of mental health support and the journey to rebuild self-esteem and trust after trauma.
Navigating Relationships in the Public Eye
A vital aspect of Shauna’s life is her relationship with her boyfriend, whose identity she keeps private. Topics covered include:
- Dating Dynamics: Shauna shares her strategies for dating, emphasizing the importance of emotional and physical tests to gauge compatibility and mutual respect.
- Public Scrutiny: She discusses the challenges of public perception regarding her relationships, particularly criticisms that her boyfriend faces, which underlines the lack of awareness about her condition.
- Building Trust: Highlighting the significance of establishing a safe space in relationships, Shauna explains how open communication with her boyfriend about boundaries is paramount.
Empowering Others Through Advocacy
Throughout the episode, Shauna emphasizes her commitment to advocacy for individuals with disabilities and survivors of abuse. Noteworthy points include:
- Education and Awareness: Shauna believes in striking conversations about disability and trauma to foster understanding and fight stigma.
- The Importance of Stories: By sharing her story, Shauna hopes to inspire others to recognize their worth and take proactive steps toward self-advocacy.
- Community Building: She encourages individuals to find connections within their communities, sharing experiences that can lead to healing and empowerment.
Conclusion
Shauna Rae’s story is one of resilience and courage in the face of life's challenges. Her journey is a powerful reminder of the importance of self-love, community support, and the strength it takes to overcome adversity. This episode resonates deeply with those who may feel marginalized or misunderstood, providing hope and inspiration to continue advocating for oneself and others in similar situations. - Final Thoughts: Shauna emphasizes the importance of knowing your worth and finding joy in life despite obstacles, leaving listeners with a sense of empowerment and encouragement to embrace their own journeys.
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I was in a very abusive relationship, and it happens to like one in four women.
Oh, it's fine. No, it's not fine. It's not fine, but it's fine now for me. It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl. My parents taught me that from a very young age. Any guy that's interested in you, you have to read into them. Because there's a chance that it's about your size. How do you feel about not being able to have kids? It's a little hard with TLC because they reopened it. Then after they found out how much it was going to cost, they could not do it unless I paid for it myself.
Today on Unplanned, we sat down with the 25-year-old star of the TLC show, I Am Shawna Ray. At just three feet and 10 inches tall, Shawna's life has been shaped by her battle with pediatric cancer, which left her with a rare condition called pituitary dwarfism. The condition significantly stunted her growth as a child, and now, as a woman, she faces discrimination. We dive into her struggles with predators, infertility, keeping her boyfriend's identity private, and how she escaped an abusive relationship, all on today's episode.
Shauna ray, welcome to the unplanned podcast. I love how your Instagram bio is I listened when my mama told me not to grow up. Whose idea was that? I was looking for a stupid bio when the show started because I wasn't on social media. I took a whole social media break.
Um, and then when the show came out and I was looking, I was like 19. I was like, what do I do? I'm short. And my mom was like, you listen to me to a guy or something? Oh, yeah, I listened. And then I was just, I listened when my mom told me not to grow up. And I was like, Mom, look at my, look at my thing. And she's like, I like it. I like it. I was like, I made it. She's like, I made it. I made it to the captions. She didn't know what it was. That's funny. Like my mom is not social savvy at all, but,
I mean, he literally, when I made my new handle for people to find me easier from TLC, she made her handle, like, the exact copy. And I was like, Mom, why'd you do that? She's like, because you did it. And that's like, that's like what we were doing. I was like, yeah, you could have just kept it at Patty's Ringo. She's like, no, at the real Patty's Ringo.
I love how spunky you are. You have to be so resilient and I just like, I don't know, you're just so powerful. Thank you. I think it really just stems from the fact that no matter where I go.
you're like for every good thing that happens in my life like someone's like oh like you're so amazing you're so bright like there's also a little bit of discrimination behind it so you have to build that resilience or that like back then like I could walk my dog and they'll be like oh look at you go honey I'm like
You're only making it a show because you think I'm a child walking my dog. We were walking in Garden City because my mom works around the area, so we were in the mall. And someone was like, oh, she's so cute. And she's just so intelligent and bright. And my mom's like, yeah, it's my daughter. And she's like, how old are you? I'm 25. She's like, no. She's joking, right?
No, I'm not. This is why I'm right. That's why you're getting a weird feeling from me. Like I'm not a normal child because I'm not a child. I'm an adult. Yeah. That must be so tricky to navigate to because it's like most people, right, they see someone who looks younger, right? And they have certain stereotypes, certain ideas in their head. And so they're not trying to be
rude, but then from your circumstance, right? You want to be treated as an adult woman because that's what you are. You're 25 years old. You have a boyfriend. You want the same things that any other 25-year-old woman would want. So how do you navigate that? Because that must be so tricky. I don't know what I would do. Like, how do you correct people?
I think you evaluate the person. I think we all have a little insight onto if a person is okay with being educated or not. I think you evaluate the way they ask you a certain thing. Like, if someone says what's wrong with me, I'm like, nothing. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's just, I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like, well, then why are you short? I'm like, cancer. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, okay, I'm gonna go now. Like, yeah, that made you feel uncomfortable, didn't it? Because you were a-hole about it.
But when people are genuinely asking, they usually like, walk on eggshells. They're like, tiptoeing almost, actually, physically. And then they're like, can I ask you a question? And I'm like, yeah.
So what happened, like, is there a reason you're short, like, cause like, you're obviously not a kid. Like if you've watched me work or do anything, you talk to me, like you can evaluate. I feel like if you're smart enough or you have enough common sense, you can realize I'm not actually like eight or 10 or whatever. And I mean, even kids can do it. So adults can do it. It's not that hard for them. It's just some brain power.
Kids are honestly probably better at it because they, like, don't have the judgments. Yeah! Wait a second. Okay, so do kids treat you in a way that you like to be treated more so than adults do?
In a sense, they still wanna color with me. They still wanna play games with me. They think like I'm just a mature kid almost sometimes. And then there's sometimes like, they're like, no, I'm older, but they just think I'm an older child. Like probably like 12 to 14.
I don't think they can quite grasp the concept that I'm a full-fledged adult, like on a one-off. My neighbor, when I moved to New York, my neighbors had two fours, young, four and two, like four, six, like around that age. They lived with next to us for a bit, and the one more fell in love with me.
fell in love and they were over her house all the time. I was basically babysitting them. They were like hanging out with my bunny and my dog and they slowly grasped the concept that I was not a child child. And when the mom
Was moving she saw me on the back porch. She's like it's gonna be so upsetting for her kid because he like is in love with you Okay, that's weird. I mean it happens, but yeah, I mean I don't want to be like your kids first love like that's that's like really bad He's leaving. I was because I've been kids like love situation I was I took care of a kid and child development He's like you're my girlfriend. So I was used to it and I was like that's just really
weird, but I was like for you to tell me the mom. And she's like, yeah, it's just going to be really hard. He knows that, you know, you're not a child like him, though. He knows that you're older. He just thinks that like you're perfect for him because I don't think he crafts the concept that he's grown to grow. And I'm like, so he just thinks we're two like munchkins in a pod. I was like, how cute. But how adorable.
Wow. So I feel like they have to grasp the concepts of themselves a little bit before they can understand a disability fully. Because you introduce a kid to someone in a wheelchair or someone who's an amputee. They only understand fully because they're not in a wheelchair. They have another arm. They see other people with other arms. They don't see people on a daily basis in a wheelchair or something.
And, you know, they're not gonna see me on a daily basis, so they're not gonna fully grasp it. But the ones that see me on a daily basis, see change happening to other people, see change happening to themselves. They're like, you're not changing. That's hard. Like, age is a very hard concept for kids, I feel like, in general. Like, if I were to ask my son how old I am, he'd be like, four. Like, yeah. Well, you can't even ask a kid if they're okay with them grasping the concept fully. They were just like, no, I have to cry. Aww. I'm like...
So I noticed you said the word Munchkin, and I don't know if that's like, I've heard from the show before. Is that a word you're supposed to say? So when it comes to stereotyping words, like the M-I-D-G-E-G word, I don't say that.
Tommy from TLC, who was on it, says it with pride. I find no power in that word because it was used in freak show days. Munchkin, I don't view really as a term for my disability or people who have dwarfism. I feel like if you call someone a munchkin, you're being an A-hole no matter what. If you do it directed towards someone with a disability, that is a bad move. But talking about it,
in the fantasy context. Munchkins, gnomes, dwarves. It's hard to say I have dwarfism when there's dwarves in the fantasy world. Talking about it in that concept, I feel like, is fine.
But directing it, saying, oh, you're not an average human, you're a munchkin, you're a dwarf. Then it's like, OK, no, because I'm still just a human. And we're not going to someone who's a wheelchair-bound person and be like, you're a wheelchair-bound. No, they're still just human. You might just be like, yeah, you're disabled. And I don't think there's anything wrong with the word disabled either.
Abled people put a bad connotation on the word disabled because abled people think since someone's disabled they can't do other things. I can do everything you can do. Two people of me. And I can get on that counter. I can do all the mics. I can do all the lights. I can do anything. It's just gonna take me a different avenue.
And that's what I feel like able people miss concept when it comes to disabled. And that's where those words come from when it comes to like the minorities and the bad connotations. It's because it's fine in a concept usually like talking civil conversations. It's not fine to direct language. I mean, I was raised the same way with cursing. My dad was like, there's nothing wrong with cursing. They're just adjectives.
Yeah, they're just additional words, but if you use it in a certain context, then it becomes wrong. Yeah, I think it's somebody. Yeah, you can say it two ways and it be fine, but you say it at someone. It's not okay.
I think there's a lot of people out there that want to be as respectful as possible, and they never want to say something that could offend someone or hurt someone in any way. The best way is to say human. Yeah, and so human, and so human, right? Yeah, I think if you want to comment someone respectfully, no matter their difference, disabled, minority, different ethnic, like LGBT, whatever, you want to be respectful about a situation. You approach them like a human. You approach them like a matured human, even if
they're a mentally handicapped and you know maybe they won't respond exactly like a mentally aged human that age still treat them like that because treating someone as younger or less than is when we get those issues.
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A big conversation that comes up with me is grooming and predatory. You know, pedophiles are a big topic with me, especially now that I'm dating. How do you approach that? It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl. And my parents taught me that from a very young age. And they were like, look, any guy that's interested in you, any person that's interested in you, you have to read into them. Because there's a chance, even at a young age, like they could have a little tingle feeling.
that it's about your size. So I grew up knowing that and that was scary. I think there could have been a little more cushion in that because I was scared to date. I was scared to like flirt with anyone. I was scared to even be asked out. Like when I was asked out on the on the cafeteria, the first I was like,
Are you a predator? I can't say yes! I can't say yes! I was like, what was the conversation like with your mom and your stepdad about dating?
I feel like when the conversation happened, I already knew what was gonna happen. Like, I already knew the concept because my entire life, you know, I have older sisters. They're like, what are you gonna do when Shawna dates? Like, what are you gonna do? Like, when she gets older? And they're like, well, anyone she dates is a predator. Like, that's concerning. I'm gonna have to, you know, bring some brass knuckles or something. I'm gonna have to go to like a...
Store and find something to hurt them with or something. I'm gonna put a tracker on their car and I just overheard this my entire life Yeah, so when it finally came to having the conversation they were like look people view you differently Yeah, people when it comes to romantic things are going to potentially view you differently But what you want to look for is building a friendship
Building a base because at the end of the day, it's not about looks. Yeah, you're gonna get old. Yeah, I'm gonna get ugly You're gonna get grouchy. You're gonna get crotche And so you have to love that crotchety humor and Crotchety I've never heard of the word crotchety before crotchety. It's like an old person. It's like grouchy and like you know kind of
I don't know, I just smell mothballs when I think about it. It's just like that final stage in life where you're like, no, I've done everything, I don't wanna do anything more. And it's just, yeah. And you're crotchety. Yeah, crotchety, okay, you don't wanna be crotchety. Yeah, crotchety, like legit, you don't wanna move your crotche. But it doesn't mean to move in those terms. But, yeah, so.
They were like, you want to find someone who you can build a base bond with. And it's probably going to end up, you're probably going to end up with someone who was your friend for a really, really long time. And then they finally decided that they like you. And that's going to be your situation. And I was like, well, that's.
boring. I was like friends first then I can't like have any fun. But then I learned that I could because I'm pretty I guess in guys eyes sometimes and I'm like yeah they want to take it for a spin but I don't want to take you for a spin. Like there's definitely a bunch of people out there that are like yeah no I'll have fun with you. I'll be your casual hookup and I'm like
And then I'm like, oh, I don't want that. You're boring. I don't do the casual hookup either because of, I think, the whole friendship thing. Even if I was to do a casual hookup or a friends with benefits thing, it'd have to be a friend I've known for a very long time. And then I'm also one of those people I'm like, you're gonna get tested. Because I am not getting anything. If I get something, I'm gonna die. Small body's not gonna handle it well.
Um, so I make I make anyone get tested before I even like date them. I'm like Yeah, I'm like you're gonna get tested emotionally you're gonna get tested physically and you're gonna get tested sexually and I'm like That's just how it is and most people know my family before they date me because my family's a whole different test They're whole different. I'm sure they're hardcore
Yeah, my boyfriend walked away from meeting my parents and saying, I think that's, like, the worst situation I've ever been in. It's worse than I'm, like, a PSA date. I'm, like, test, like, a state test for my mom. The anxiety your mother gave me. Because, like, she just was, like, basically, like, okay, how well are you doing in life? Like, what do you want from my daughter?
I'm like, you want his bank statement basically? His little name is this. What do you need? I just need to know that he's stable.
Grandpa already did a background check. Like, I remember at the bar episode for TLC when I did the bartending gig at Jamesport and Dan was there and Tommy was there. And, you know, I was kind of in this fling with Dan. My grandpa comes up to me and he's like, I don't know if I like him, but I did a background check on him. He is being honest about who he is. I don't believe that quite honestly. I was like,
Yeah, no, I know he is who he is, but I mean, he's like, but we have some things to talk about what he does. I was like, oh, no, I know what he does. I was like, it's okay. And with Dan, it was so interesting. I listened to an interview that he did, and it was so interesting hearing his perspective.
on the fling that you guys had. Because from his perspective, as someone that fully looks like in most adult males, people were coming at him and saying, you're a pedophile, you're a groomer. He was getting a ton of hate. His family was getting a ton of hate, all from the fling that you guys had. And it was very publicized on the show. Did you expect that to happen? Oh, yeah. Oh, you knew it was going to happen.
Dan and I met well not met met but like we met before season two filmed physically as well and we met after season one like socially yeah and so he I when I was talking to him I was like look would you want to be on
A television show with me and go on some dates because like we were kind of interested in each other and you know he was like well I'm in England and was like I can get you here if you want to go on some dates and he's like okay and I was like but We're got to be honest. I'm point blank saying we're not in our relationship. Yeah
I don't want you to ever point it like we were in our relationship because that's unfair because if this comes out and we don't work out, that's unfair to my next thing. Or like starting something out. It puts me in an unfair advantage and it puts you in an unfair situation to think, everyone, thank your boot up.
So I don't ever want to point it that way. And I want it also to be, you know, we're just friends trying to test this out. Because that's what we were. I didn't want to ever make it seem like, no, this is a guy I want to be in a relationship with. I'm definitely committing to.
Because he lives in a different country. I'm not stupid. I'm not paying that ticket every time to see him. I don't want to do that. And then he wants to go traveling. I don't have a passport yet. When I do now. But I didn't bend. And so I was looking at it more like casual fun. And I told him that.
And I think TLC took it and was like, OK, let's just send them on dates and let them go and make it seem like it's going to be her relationship. And did TLC have a conversation with Dan about, hey, by the way, dude, you probably will get people on the internet calling you a groomer and a pedophile. When that happened and he released that message, they actually provided him with therapy.
Oh, they did. Yeah. So he went to therapy. Yeah. He continued with that therapist after their provided sessions. Gosh. Yeah. What was that conversation between you and Dan about?
So legally, I was basically told not to speak to him. Really? Yeah, because I can't say anything that he's confirming or going against. I can't affiliate with it because of my contract. So it was really hard. My dad reached out to him and was like, she can't talk to you right now. It's not that she's leaving you to hang dry. She just can't talk to you. She's literally being told she can't speak to you because if this goes sour for you, then it's sour for TLC.
And, you know, I think they just never wanted to attach with the word pedophile. Yeah. And I told him, I was like, look, if you go out there in the world, just don't say the word. The minute you say the word is the minute everyone in the internet is going, oh, he said he is it. Yeah. Like, that's just how it is. The minute you go, oh, I'm not this. I'm not a pedophile. I'm not a racist. I'm not, you know,
I'm not a bad person. You're a bad person. If you have to defend yourself, then people view you as that. And that's just what I didn't want for him. And it did happen a little bit. It got a little worse, but it did get better for him eventually. And that's the thing about the pedophile of predatory comments. Like, you just have to laugh it off.
Because I want to ask you, how does that feel as the woman in that situation, if any man that is romantically interested in you, is being called that, how does that make you feel?
Upsetting as a person and the fact that I have to live my everyday life and constantly battle FBI watchlist comments and stuff like that. But I don't look at it. I try not to look at it. I tell them if you, like my current significant other, do not look at it. I told Dan to not look at it, but he did. And I think at the end of the day, it's more sad because I'm just looking at the lack of education. None of them on the internet want to listen.
And it's just the fact that they haven't met me in person to understand that I am just a human being. I'm just short. You're an adult. Yeah, I'm just a tiny person. There's women who are three, eight out there that get the respect. But they maybe have more
boobs and butt in a hip area and I'm like, I'm a skinny stick. It's my body type. I'm sorry. Like, and it makes me more upset knowing that Tommy or a male person in my situation could go out there and be like, look at the model I'm dating. She's six, five. And everyone be like,
Yeah, you go. You get that girl. Look at you. And then it's reversed for females. I think for females in a disability, it's a little worse just because as a male, we always expect them to get
more and like improve their lives. And as a female, we're only as good as our significant other or what we look like and what we can provide for our significant other more likely. You know, I think people are looking at me and like, oh, she can't provide anything. Like, she can't have kids. Like, what is she going to provide a dude? And, you know, I've had that question when it comes to dating. Like, oh, what is she going to do for you? Like, she can't cook for you. She can't, she's not going to be a good wife.
And I think that's where a little bit of it comes from is like that societal stereotype of they can't do as much as we can. So why would someone in an abled body choose them versus another abled person who can provide them more of what society expects to be provided by a woman? Have you had illegitimate scary situation with the pedophile before? Yeah. What happened?
Um, I, so my, um, uncle worked at a bar, um, and he always watched me. Always Mitchell. He knew. He knew bars were creepy. Yeah. And so, um, he wasn't working, but my dad, um, and some family members and I went in and I went to the bathroom and some guy followed. And it was, it was just really uncomfortable for a second. Like I just, I went in. Did he go in the bathroom? Yeah. He followed you into the women's restroom. Yeah. I mean, the,
bar bathrooms were split so he just took a left or took a right instead of a left. How old were you? I was like ten. This is when you were ten? Yeah and I just I dealt with a lot of onlookers at first like just watching. Uh-huh. And I'm like at first I was young I was like maybe they're just making sure like I come out of the bathroom okay and then I was like noticing that like they're not people talking to my uncle they're creepers and you know I
Did the guy that followed you into the bathroom say anything? Did he approach you? What happened? He tried to test my intellect, like my understanding of what he was trying to do. And this is when you were 10 year old, so you had a 10 year old brain. It's not like you. Yeah, I mean, but I've always been a little more mature, I would say. Yeah. I knew what could happen already. My parents had that conversation with me. And, you know, I kind of just was like,
looking around to see if there was an adult and I saw like my sister and he was like asking like weird questions like about like my skin like is my hands soft enough like do I need lotion as he has lotion like does he want me to like do I want to get him a soda like does he want me to go in the back and get him stuff because he has stuff in the back he can give me he said that yeah
Go in the back, but yeah, this is your uncle's bar though. So yeah, I'm like wait you don't work here. I know all the workers here I'm like
I'm like, I'm okay, my dad's at the bar with the beer. He can probably get me like a Cherokee red, because that was the soda I drank. And I was like, I can get some Hawaiian chips myself, thank you. And like, I mean, there were situations where it progressed because I was a regular at that bar. And maybe there was a couple guys that were like leering. And like, there was a couple times where they grabbed me or something.
Did this guy, did this guy ever touch you? The person that followed you into the bathroom when you... That one, um... I don't think so. Maybe on a different occasion, like on the dance floor? Because it was a dance floor? This is the same guy or a different guy? Same guy. How was he allowed back in the bar? I don't think anyone notices that stuff. It's also low-town PA.
Gosh, I feel like if I were your uncle I'd have his face like plastered on the front of the restaurant be like if this dude comes in He's getting kicked out. He followed my knees I'm sure my uncle did bunch behind the scenes like he never let me see But he always had an eye on me, but that was a day. He wasn't there
Oh, okay. Yeah, so it kind of happened on the days he wasn't there. And do you think this guy, this individual that followed you into the bathroom, do you think he knew that? Do you think he was aware that your uncle wasn't at the bar? I think you're very aware that there's eyes on a child or eyes on a...
young adult or a female at all times, like someone who's looking to hurt someone is very aware socially. They're looking at the exits, they're looking at cameras, they're looking at all the people and if they're paying attention or not. That's terrifying. They are checking everything out beforehand.
and they pick a vulnerable child that doesn't feel safe. And that's where a lot of grooming happens. And thankfully, I had the education, I had my resources there, and I knew that I was safe with my home people. You know, it makes me very scared for kids that don't have an education in those situations now, where sex education is being limited or taken out of the libraries and stuff like that, just because
As someone who wouldn't have had that education in that situation, I would have been like, oh yeah, you got a soda? Cool. Like, we all know Stranger Danger, but that was a very like, homey aspect. Like, that's a bar my uncle works at. He's worked out my entire life. Everyone knows us.
It's a very comfortable aspect and that's where I feel like predators and groomers tend to go. They go where a child is somewhat comfortable. If it's a kid at the park, they've been watching them for a bit.
And they know their mom's routine where the mom looks at her phone or something or the mom goes by the carousel or whatever the situation is. He knows when the child's alone, she knows when the child's alone, they know when the child's alone. And they go up to them in a comfortable situation where kids already know strangers are gonna come up to them. And that's why it doesn't happen as much in schools except when a kid is vulnerable from home life. And that teacher is their safe haven and that teacher takes advantage of that situation.
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Interesting atmosphere for other people like have you been questioned so many times? I'm more questioned from the public than the people that check your IDs and the bartenders and stuff. You know, I have a New York ID. It's hard to copy. They put so many things on it. Everyone's like these New York IDs. I can't even scan them. I got to like type you into the system sometimes. Like yeah, I get that.
I'm like, but that's fine for me because you pull in up the system. That means you can't deny it. And I mean, there's been situations where I was like at a restaurant bar and they kept checking my ID. Like it was like, everyone come check the disabled person's ID. It's like, you won't believe it.
But I've had more instances where I'm like sitting at a table or I'm drinking and then you can hear like little people over. Is she old enough to have that? Like, Susie, it's not your business. It's not your business. Drink your Shirley Temple and talk to Bill and have a great day. Like, leave me alone. So it's a lot of other people being invasive when they don't have the right to.
How old were you when you started drinking? I think we had like samples of things when I was younger. There was a couple stories my mom says where I stole her Mark's heart lemonade like straight out of chemo. And it was just down and down. They smell sweet. They smell like a lemonade. And she's like, where's my fat toddler? And I'm just running with a mike. Oh my gosh.
Get back here. And she's like, give me my drink. You can't have this. And I'm like, I'm going to take it again. That's so real though. We're always so careful with alcohol because our kids will just touch anything. Don't just take anything. Because for example, my mother-in-law lives with us and she drinks Diet Coke. And there was one time where she left her Diet Coke sitting out too low.
And you turn your back for five seconds and you look and there's our two-year-old chugging a diet coke. Whoa, whoa, whoa, go and grab it. So you just have to be very careful with kids. And they grab and chug because they know they're not supposed to have it. So they're like, let me get as much as I can as possible. Like it's just like when your kid sneaks out after you go to bed and goes to the fridge and like loads up. But when you were 21 though, was that, were you like really looking forward to that? Because as
I think I was and then the pandemic hit. I did 21 in quarantine. So I took shots with my dad.
First time I've ever seen them drank. What type of shots were you taking with your dad? Whiskey. Whiskey. Do you like... Honey whiskey? Okay. Yeah. I'm a... I think I'm more of an Irish whiskey person than a Scottish whiskey. I hate to say it. Scotch whiskey just tastes like pure alcohol. But I'm a tequila and a whiskey person. Do you like bourbon?
Sometimes okay sometimes. I don't know what it is like I don't like most alcohol I don't really like beer, but bourbon just like the flavor of it is so maybe it's like the smokiness Yeah, it's like it's the richness. Yeah, it's got to be the right bourbon and you kind of feel maybe it's just the all the alcohol commercials that are somehow allowed to be advertised on our TV
Like you realize like as kids we're all getting exposed to these alcohol commercials to where in our brain It's like drinking alcohol school drinking alcohol school and you turn 21 and you're like yeah, I want to have a burden So maybe it's that maybe like when I have a bourbon every now and then maybe I feel cool cuz as a five-year-old I was seeing alcohol commercials on TV
Yeah, my boyfriend drinks gin and tonics. Well, it doesn't anymore, but he got a gin and tonic. And he's like, I haven't drank this since college. It used to make me feel so cool. I feel cool again. Because it's that vibe. And I mean, if we really want to porn it, that's why I'm so open about everything. Because other countries are less open about the alcohol in the commercials. They're less open about, even the funny commercials are less violent. There's not a lot of violence going on, but they're more body positive.
You know, my dad lived in England for a bit, so as kids we always heard something that I find funny about America now that I've lived in England is you see a lot of violence and alcohol and like violent and fused commercials while in Europe and England they showed a lot of like the body like nude.
Wait, what do you mean? Like nude, like, no clothes, like shower commercials. And you're up, that was a thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's very common knowledge. Like, you can go to Italy and see boobs on TV as a very young kid. What? Yeah, I was like, you've never seen the movies. Like, we get to see boobs on TV. I was like, these were always in the Christmas movies we watched. But like, yeah, so like in the soap commercials, he's like, it's just like a body.
And they do have statistics of having less sexual assault issues. Maybe it's more of a celebration there, like I know in the Renaissance, you have all these sculptures of naked, I mean, look at like the statue of David, right? That's in Italy, right? I mean, maybe there they celebrate the body more, so it's less taboo. And then you have an America teachers not allowing their kids to go to a museum for a field trip because they don't want them seen.
and stuff like that. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what I'm working with. The democracy place that I'm working with, we're funding them for the holiday season. They fight these kinds of things to have equal education, understanding. I'm all for religious understanding on all ends, but I grew up on a very religious aspect, like take and choose what you want from each religion.
You don't have to just be Christian. You don't have to be Catholic. You don't have to be Muslim. You don't have to be Jewish. You can be your own person. And that's okay. You don't have to follow religion 100%. And they're fighting the fact that they're trying to put the Holy Bible in Florida and schools and, you know, make the curriculum less LGBT friendly, less
drug awareness, less sexual education awareness, for me as someone who's open about everything and went to school for those things and learned so much because of those things. That's really hard for me to see because you're taking a safe learning space away.
Yeah, I'm sure as somebody that has a disability that's grown up being looked at differently, you probably empathize a lot with people in the LGBTQ community. Yeah, gay people that have experienced different treatment or people of a different minority that have been treated different because you've experienced that same thing. I'm sure you relate to them a lot. Yeah. And that's where that relation is. And that's why I fight so hard for them. And I'm fighting so hard against the bookbannings and
You know, the, you know, segregation of certain things like an LGBT club being removed from schools after school programs and stuff. Because if we don't provide that safe place for our children, they're going to go out and rebel against it and go for, you know, the hard drugs and stuff anyway. You know, I never did hard drugs because my family was like,
Look, if you're going to try anything, there's things out there in life. We know this. We've been there. Your teachers have been there. We've been there. Like, everyone's done something. But if you're going to do it, talk to us. Come home. We'll provide a safe place and you can try it out. You know, don't ever go out in the wild and do it. And that was the best advice we've ever learned. You know, Tara...
took advantage of that and was like, yeah, I want to try drinking at like 16. And they're like, okay, you can have a sip, like a couple sips. And you know, I, my sister and I, and I never took advantage of that. We never did drugs. We never did alcohol out or inside of the house. And we told our parents, mostly everything. And I feel like that kind of parenting experience is going down the drain with the book banning and stuff because your children are going to go home with less questions.
Talk to me a bit about different medications you took growing up. I know I read somewhere that you took hormone blockers because you were, as be honest, I don't fully understand why you took hormone blockers, so could you educate me as someone? Yeah, okay. So it goes back to what happened with my chemo, my surgery, the brain cancer. So the pituitary gland went almost dormant, and that controls seven hormones.
One of those hormones is your growth hormone. One of them is also your fertility. And another one is also your emotional balances. Those are the three of mine out of the seven that it controls because the hypothalamus has the pituitary gland in it.
And that controls all 10. And that's where the aging is. And that's why people think I don't age. But that's not the pituitary gland. So I'm going to age. I'm going to get old. But my fertility was affected where I have low egg count. Okay. And I probably can't have children, like from my own eggs. And my growth was majorly affected. How do you feel about not being able to have kids?
It's okay. I decided at 16 it wasn't going to happen physically. It's a little hard getting the wind open again with TLC because they really opened it and then they kind of ditched on the situation when they found out how much money it was going to cost to freeze my eggs. So I went kind of through a depression of like, how the hell am I going to do this? I'm so sorry. Oh, it's fine. And you know, I recently went through the situation spent a couple thousand dollars to figure out if I can do it and
I'm too low that I feel I'm safe enough to go under and it be worth it. So the chances of getting like one egg or like I'd have to have three surgeries. So they were thinking that for the show it would be interesting. They wanted to freeze my eggs and then after they found out how much it was going to freeze my eggs with that medical company that was not covering my insurance because there was another hospital that wouldn't let them film.
that would cover my insurance. But they couldn't go there. And they needed to make their money back with TLC. They needed to be able to document it. Yeah, they needed to be able to document it. And they said that they could not do it unless I paid for it myself. And I was not given the funds to pay $10,000 for a surgery.
Oh, so it's $10,000. It was $10,000 without insurance. For the procedure, medicine is another 7,000 at this place specifically. The place I went through, I did have insurance coverage lately, and I decided to not go through with it.
I had to go through fertility therapy. I had to go through an exam to see if I can physically carry a baby. I had to test my proteins in my urine. I had to go and get my blood tested. I had to go and get my ovarian reserve tested, which is where your eight count is. And I had to go through all of these little gynecology appointments to make sure that I was OK.
And that we were all ready to start with the freezing egg process. And that's when I found out through that testing, that I wasn't a .4 anymore. I was a .16. And the chances of getting an egg from that is like, zeal, in my opinion.
Oh, so even if you did do the procedure? Yeah, the doctor I was working with didn't want to work any lower than 0.4. So once I hit 0.1... What's that number coming from? It's an ovarian reserve count. Okay. So basically how they measure your egg count is...
through blood at least is called your AMH hormone, your anti-malaria hormone. And that basically gets tested and there's a number. And from what they told me, one to four is our average age range. Anything lower than one is considered low and you need to do something about it. I was a 0.8 at the beginning of TLC's journey with it.
after TLC's journey with it, and I gathered enough funds to maybe cover it myself. Two years later, I was .4. And we really had to get started on it. And then I found out I was .1 after the second testing with my doctor. And I was still gonna go through with it. But then I was waiting on anesthesia to clear me. And it took a month and a half. And I was like, I'm probably infertile by now.
because I had dropped from 0.4 to 0.1 in three months. And they're like, so it's been two years since this drop. I was like, no, it's been three months. And they're like, oh, that's not normal. I'm like, yeah, cancer baby.
Hey, hello, I'm not normal. Back to your experience with Stony Brook with the fertility when they did all the checks for Like you physically being able to did they say that you were physically cleared to carry child? Yeah, I have always been physically cleared to have a child. It just be high alert watch
I would be on watch the entire nine months. My doctor was like, so typically when we do watches, we come in once every three months or once every month to three months, depending on the pregnancy for the first trimester. And then it's
twice a month you know once every two weeks for the second trimester and then the third trimester I want to see you every week and you know maybe twice a week and you might be on bed rest so it might be a house call kind of situation and you know
we're going to make sure that you're on everything possible. Like if the right medications, you know, she's the one that's like, I need you to go and get your urine tested. So you see, if you have the right amount of proteins in your key to carry a child properly to make sure, you know, I have dental issues like that they're not taking my proteins that I need to function as well. Because I mean, that was something I was concerned and my mom's been pregnant many times and each pregnancy hit her heart. She got diabetic.
She went anemic and then she lost the vitamins in her teeth for her calcium and stuff because her eyelid just took it all. And it happens with kids. They say the third kid kills you. Oh my gosh. They say it hits your heart.
I think that they wanted to evaluate to make sure that I was just normal enough on the scales that I can actually carry a child with no risk to myself other than the obvious physical risk. Thank you to Beam for sponsoring this episode of Unplanned. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen my stories about not getting sleep. Like there's been nights where my watch has told me I've only slept like two hours. There was one night actually a couple weeks ago where
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I'm not even going to talk about this situation. It's a C-section. You're too tiny. I was like, yeah, no, I don't want to break. And she's like, so we would do a C-section. You would be on a watch. We would have someone come in and check on you if you're on bed rest. And you would probably be on specific prescription prenatal because I can't take a one a day.
without having an overdose of calcium or vitamin E or something. And I've spoken to that with them at Stony Brook. I've been on prescription vitamin D for a very long time because I couldn't take a one a day. I was just puking.
And, like, I think I have an overdose from the symptoms, my doctor, and she's like, yeah, sounds like it. I'm gonna just prescribe you the right amount for your body, and that's gonna be the same situation for what I'm bringing. I mean, I'm sure they would up it a little bit. Like, I've always been low on iron, so they'd probably give me a little boost of iron for the child. But...
Honestly, I've kind of just thrown it to the wind because if I do decide to have a family, it's going to be adoption or seriously or something because I value my life enough in a way which is weird. Like I would probably get an abortion if it was going to put me at risk just because I don't want my child to grow up without a parent. I think that's a bigger hole in someone's life than deciding to have a child at the right moment.
You know, I I am pro choice in that way because if I got pregnant myself I'd probably have to get an abortion like there's a very high chance of it and your things that would kill you like basically it hurt me it could kill me during the birth it could kill the child and Because I've always known there's a medical rest to me being pregnant. I've always been poor chores with that because
There's a lot of unfortunate situations that can happen with anyone with pregnancy. And we have to evaluate, you know, her health and my health and the woman's health. And, you know, it takes a lot out of the body and that can be scary. And I feel like sometimes that's not worth the risk of bringing a child into this world when there's other children in this world that can be loved.
As someone with a smaller body due to the disability that you have, you probably have to be very careful if you're sexually active to make sure that you're protected, right? Like to make sure that, because like you just said, if you were to get pregnant, it could kill you. How do you protect yourself? How do you make sure that you don't end up in a situation where
Yeah, I guess you did. I mean, you could literally die, right? Yeah. Um, well, I mean, I use contraceptive, of course. That's number one, but I...
I'm not active with anyone I don't trust. I think that goes back to dating a bit. I make sure they get tested physically. They go through tests emotionally. And they come back with a blood scan saying they're clean and they get their protection. And I make sure they're a responsible adult. You know, I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to bring his own children into this world, who wants to adopt, if anything, just for mental health reasons.
I don't understand that. I mean, my family has mental health issues. I don't want to bring into this world. You know, when you have a lot of depression and, you know, those really harsh mental disabilities on your family's side, it's really hard to decide to have a charge or not. But, back to how I protect myself. I know my body. I get my period. I go through my monthly.
I make sure that I'm safe, doctor-wise. We're always checking things. If I'm active, I know if there's a slip-up or something. But, you know, it's really just about having a conversation with your significant other or your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, and being like, look.
There's always risks when it comes to sex no matter who it is. There's always risks when it comes to pregnancy. But as a disabled person, it's different. And you know, it's going to be a little different sex-wise anyway, but it's going to be a little different.
for what could happen if it happens. And my boyfriend and I are on a clear space. If there's a chance, plan B. Just because we don't want to ever have to go through that mental decision of choosing my life or a child's life.
I want to be super careful with how I ask this question because like I respect you so much and you're totally like I'm I'm so impressed by you just with all the everything you face and how you've come out on top and how you've been confident and you know really been I think you're like a voice for people that are minorities you're a voice for people that have disabilities it's really cool to see you do what you've been doing and being on the show on TLC I guess the question I want to ask is
How do you approach this whole dilemma of, you're clearly a very smart, very intelligent adult woman, you're 25 years old. So you have the intellect of an adult woman. You have like everything about you as an adult woman, but physically you're on the younger side. So then, so then how do you approach that from a dating standpoint, because it obviously would make sense with your parents being worried about you.
being in a relationship with someone that could be into younger looking people, how do you navigate that? I think you take it day by day with anything, like building friendships or anything, you have to be worried. Someone can be just using you because you get a lot of attention. Some people can be using you because they want a disabled friend.
It's like having a gay best friend, you know, it's like it's like a little quirk Do you like being friends with people that are disabled because you can like you can understand each other? I do and I don't sometimes I feel like sometimes with disability people some people because they've been brought up differently. They view it as a competition
Um, and I don't think it has to be a competition. I think that a lot of people are just competitive. I think, you know, you have had it in which way like there's jealousy. Um, there's, you know,
It's the same kind of thing you'll go through with high school, with the pettiness and stuff. Like, there's, it's, we're human. You know, that happens in the disability community. But I think at the same time, it's harder to keep touch with people in the disability community because...
you're not always interacting physically. It's a lot of social because we're not like down the street as common, you know? You can go down the street and probably find some dude that would like to watch football with you if that's what you like to do. Yeah. But he doesn't watch football. I actually, I literally don't care about football. I don't care about football either.
I was like, I'm not a big football fan. I was like, my family, that my significant other's family is now college football people and I'm like, now I gotta get a sweatshirt. I don't know anything, but. That's funny. It's the same kind of high school mentalities. I think people are always looking to be better than someone else or have something someone else has. We're never happy in our situations. So I feel like a lot of disability, like,
For the people that are happy in their disability, happy to be alive, it's easier to make a friendship with them. For the people that are
coming to grasp with their disability and the life they're living in their disabled life, it's hard because they're constantly sometimes like, well, it's easy for you because you're pretty in short or it's easy for you because you're not in a chair and I'm like, no, it's easy for me because I put myself out there as I am vulnerable and I tell people to not fuck with me.
And it's hard for you because you're just sitting there behind a screen not putting yourself out there. You know, I have a friend who I met after I'm showing her a season one. And she's like, I want to be able to do what you're doing with the activism and stuff. And I was like, hey, you have to do lives. You have to be there. You've got to put yourself out there socially. And she's like, what I do is just like no one's there. I'm like, well, you have to build it up. You have to post your videos. You have to build it up. You have to build up your brand, in a sense.
And I feel like as a disabled person, becoming confident, I feel like this stands for everyone. Becoming confident within yourself is building your brand. And with specifically the disability community, until your brand is somewhat built,
you're always going to look at other people's brands or other people in the community and be like, why can't I be like them? So I feel like that comes a little bit, though, from the able societal community where you're always pressuring the disabled community to be better than they are, you know? She's in a chair. Well, she could walk and do this and get this for me. Like, no, she can't. This is how she lives.
And, you know, I feel like the abled community, unfortunately, is always thinking that they have to bend to us to help us and, you know, adapt us. When we're adapted to you, we were raised in this world. You weren't raised in a disabled world. We were raised in an abled world. We're adapted. And some people aren't adapted and they're learning and we have to be okay with that. But most of the time, eight out of 10 times, that person you're seeing as a disabled person,
is lived with it mostly most of their days it's not like their first rodeo on the it's very slim that you'll find someone who's newly disabled out in public and ready to go out and that's because of the way society views them and
I think that puts a hindrance in the disability community making friends with other disabled people and other abled people because they always feel like there is going to be an automatic judgment and there is going to always be an automatic jealousy on their end, you know? I think I thought of a better way to ask the question I asked earlier, which I was stumbling over my words. Let me ask it this way. As someone that appears to look like a young girl, how do you navigate romantic relationships?
When it comes to romantic relationships and navigating as someone with dwarfism that is perceived, young.
I don't say I look young. When I look in the mirror, I think I look 25, but perceive young, I think, is the right way. I'm not saying you offended me. Sorry, yeah. I'm just saying that's my perspective of it. I know people think perceiving and looks are the same thing, but I think that's another thing with the disability community is like, you perceive us a certain way.
So I've built up being perceived as a young kid and that's why I let people get to know me That's why I tend to date my friends. That's why I tend to date people I've seen on a more than a one chance that actually know my personality and I can feel their personality out because
I don't want to give you my time if you're some loser guy that doesn't have anything in common with me. So I need to get to know you a little bit too before I give you my number or something. And that's kind of always been my dating life. I've never dated someone like on a whim. Like, yeah, I've had some guy like ask me out and ask for my number. Be like, so are you an adult? And I'm like, yeah.
You didn't have to stare that long to figure it out, though. And he's like, well, then how do I go about getting your number? And I'm like, you'd be respectful in the beginning. And he's like, well, can I still get it? I was like, fine, I'm bored. And I was like, and we talked for a bit.
He could have had that potential, but he just didn't show up physically when he needed to. We don't date. And he just wanted to hang out on the phone and I was like, no, you wanna physically go out somewhere. Take me out. I wanna see how this is physically in person. And that's part of the test, is testing them to see how they do in public.
They have to go through a lot of tests, you know? Yeah, you've said that a lot. You said like there's a physical test. What's the physical test? So the physical test is when I'm out in public with them and we're being affectionate and you get stares.
and how you deal with that. Do you get mad and explode? Because I don't want that. Do you laugh at it? That's good. Or do you get shy and embarrassed and let go of my hand? And that's bad. Okay. So the physical test is like the physical boundaries, you know? Okay. Will you hold my hand at the zoo? Will you like
and like cuddle me, like, or are you gonna treat me like your child? And the emotional test is going through that emotionally and figuring out, can you handle it? Like, my significant other, my boyfriend, we were at the dog park with my dog and someone's like, is it your dog or your dad's dog? And he's like, I'm not her dad, I'm her boyfriend. And she's like, oh, he's joking, right? He's your dad. I'm like, no, I'm a woman.
I just have dwarfism and she's like, oh, and she got uncomfortable on the left. And so that's an emotional test for him is seeing people react to it and how he deals with it. And, you know, is it going to weigh on him? Is it going to be an issue? Is it going to constantly come up? Or is he going to shrug it off?
So there's that test, there's the physical test, and then there's the sexual test which is where they get tested for any diseases. Because that's very important to be open and honest about in the beginning, especially with a medical situation where we don't know what anything can happen to me. I could get a disease, I could get COVID, I could get the flu, and it could react to my body differently and I'm out for the count.
We don't know. We genuinely don't know. I have a great, great system. I'm very grateful for it. I'm very strong in the immune system area. But if I wasn't, I could be in and out of the hospital sick all the time, like my one friend who's disabled. How often do people respond in a way that you appreciate whenever someone assumes incorrectly that you're a young girl? And then you say, no, I'm a 25 year old woman. What's the response that you have appreciated when you say that?
Well, I think there's always the, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. That's a good way to start it off, to know that you did something wrong. Like, acknowledge that. The thing that we have an issue with nowadays is acknowledging when we're wrong. Acknowledge when you're wrong, and then after that,
to have a casual conversation. If you want to ask about my disability, that's fine. But make it casual. Don't try to be like, oh, I'm so sorry, so then what happened? You know? Be like, I'm so sorry. That's terrible that that happened to you. Do you mind explaining why you're short? There's a different approach. And the gentle approach is, I don't like to call it like,
the gentle approach, in a sense, because I feel like gentle approach is baby-ish and talking down to them. But the humane approach, I think, is the proper one. And remembering that this person is not just a book of information for you to peel through, that they are a human being. They have boundaries. They have levels of comfortableness. And you may be bouncing on those lines.
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Yeah, I explain myself to my dogs that I explain myself to people at the grocery store, I explain myself to the gas station people. It's hard, but I mean you have to look at it as like maybe that person's gonna walk away differently and the next person that comes in they'll be a little less harsh too and they'll be more respectful too. Is it ever easier just to stay home?
Oh yeah! Isn't it easier to stay home away from everything? I feel like it's the best vibe, just stay home, don't have to deal with anything, but if we don't go out, then the world shines us. Do you find yourself wanting to stay home or do you go out because you want to make a difference? I want to go out to make a difference. I don't want to go out to have to go grocery shopping and stuff.
So you, or you probably like door to ash your groceries. I order my groceries and people. Yeah, I was like, I don't like to have to put myself out in public more often just because like, if I'm not with someone, it is a vulnerable situation. But I like to go out with a purpose.
And I saw on your show, you're living alone now, is that, are you still living alone, is that? No, I live with my boyfriend. Oh, okay, okay. And it's technically alone. How has that been? I mean, away from your parents. Like, you're no longer living with your parents. How does that feel to be, yeah, independent of your parents?
It's weird. I mean, I was already very independent in that house, but it's weird not having to take care of the things I took care of for my parents and like do their dishes. Like go get Riley from work and stuff. I think the biggest thing is like we were in that house together for eight years with all those dogs that entire ride. So my house is just very quiet.
And that's strange for me. I'm so used to doors. My family's entirely so loud. Like my dad's always doing something, whether it's music or watching something or like in the kitchen banging pots around. Like there's always so much noise. So it's been very quiet. And then I was actually shocked. My mom hasn't called me that much.
She's like, I wanted to give you space. I'm like, yeah, this amount of space makes me feel like you don't care. She's a lot of space. I was like, you haven't checked in. I've called you twice. That's it. That's the amount we've talked in a month and a half. And she's like, I know, but I want to give you space. I don't want to cry. I was like, OK. And then I came.
And when she picked me up to come to this on the way home, she was like welling up in tears. I was like, ah, here come the tears. And my mom, until I am showing her, I didn't shed a tear. Didn't shed a dang tear. And now she's all welled up at any moment now. I think it's something to do with age, honestly, as you get older, you get more sentimental. You guys seem to have a really sweet relationship.
We do. We're very close. I mean, we've gone through a lot together. I mean, I was the sick kid and then on top of it, I went through issues with family and, you know, being different. I went through issues with my friends. I was very much a homebody. And, you know, my parents always made it very clear to us. Family is the most important thing. At the end of the day, guys, girls,
Even our cousins will go by the wayside sometimes. You know, they'll stop picking up the phone. But your sisters, your sisters are not ever supposed to stop picking up the phone. They will always be there. And, you know, we've always had that family mentality that like, if I call them and I need them, it may not pick up the phone, but they'll come back.
You know, my mom sucks at the phone, but she'll come back. And, you know, if I wanted, like once my parents are like, we're not always going to be here. We're going to pass away. When that time happens, you have to go to your sisters. So I feel like when times get hard, you can see that in my sisters. But at the same time,
We're very anti-social ourselves, so we're also very okay being away from each other, but then every once in a while we get together and my mom's like, I miss this. I want to move everyone close together. I'm like, I don't want to be a village. I don't want to be a village. That's too close. Do you think that the TV shows made your life better?
Yeah, I think the fact that it's helped with pituitary dwarfism being more on the medical field awareness, but the personal awareness, I think disability activism, I think that's all become better. I think on a personal scale, when you look at it as someone who is like an influencer or something like that,
I wouldn't say my life is better privately. That kind of stuff, the stuff that you wanna keep private, that's nonexistent. Yeah, there's no- Yeah, everything's out there. Yeah, there's nothing to hide. But the opportunities I've been given, the opportunities I've allowed to have happen for other people in the disability community, they make everything worth it. I went into this, I signed that contract and I said, I can make one kid go.
Look, I'm not alone. It's worth it. Wow, you're certainly doing that. Thanks. To build on how you've talked about how it's difficult to maintain privacy in this space and like how you had kind of made that trade off. I noticed that you keep your boyfriend's identity private and I didn't know if it was because of previous bad experience with an ex-boyfriend or of his wishes or why you chose to navigate it that way.
Honestly, I mean, neither one of us care if his face is out there. I'm more worried because he has a nice work job. I don't want anything going back to the job. The job knows who I am. They know what I do for my living. They love me. They sent me a gift basket because I was really, really insecure. I was like, no, don't tell them you're dating me because they're gonna be like, no, she's a TV star. You can't be affiliated with that. And so they sent me a basket and they're like,
No, we think you're great. We love to meet you. So that's really comforting. But with everything that social media is and everything I know my boyfriend isn't, I just don't want him to be labeled something. It cannot be my partner forever. At this point, unless I'm marrying him or spending the rest of my life with him, space isn't going to be shown. Because if we break up tomorrow,
His face being out there, his life is still around. It's still different, and that's not fair to him. How is living together? How is... Yeah, now you're living with your boyfriend. Do you like that more? Did you like life before you guys are living together? How is all that? I miss being alone a little bit, like having my own space in that sense.
But I mean, he works in IT, so my Wi-Fi is amazing. We're safe as can be. All the newest gear is in our house. And he's like, here's a laptop. And I'm like, yay. But I think the hardest thing
adapting to is the fact that I'm probably more relationship mature than he is. Okay. I'm definitely his longest relationship. I'm the first big step relationship he's made. And that spend the adapting part is like, I know how relationships work. I'm like, no, we split those, like we do all do groceries, you do this, that kind of stuff.
And he's very old school vibed. Like he's like, I feel bad that you're covering this portion or you're paying for groceries. I'm like, paid for bills. Like calm down. And so he's very much adjusting to having to take care of someone as well. He's also adjusting to having a dog. He's only had small dogs. And Sahara is not a small dog. He's bigger than me. She weighs more than me. And she's loud. And I mean, today is a real test with him being alone with her.
Bye!
He, I think the biggest adjustment is, yeah, the fact that we came into this relationship, knowing what we wanted, knowing we wanted the same things, but with different experience. Because he's just a little more immature in the relationship area. Like he's not as prepared for it, but he's more mature in the sense of adulthood. He's lived longer on his own. He lived with a roommate. He did all these other things that I didn't do. So we... Is he older than you? He's two years older.
Okay. Yeah, he's 27. Gotcha. Yeah, I absolutely like you're keeping a lot of information about him private, which I totally respect and I can totally understand from how crazy it can be when you share all the intimate details of your life with the world. We've been there, but I know that you have experienced that on a completely different level than we have. So I guess like what, what have you shared about him or what are you able to share about him? Cause I'm genuinely curious who this person is.
uh... well i mean his name has been out there his name is correct uh... he's the sweetest guy i've ever met he's twenty seven he's got like those midwestern morals uh... and he just he literally he works in it set up most of my gaming systems and got me started there he's the reason i actually started it and uh...
He's really intelligent. He's really anti-social. He's just... He's not as common-sense-smart, I will say. He's a little... there. Like, I had to teach him girls are going to come on to him and flirt with them. Didn't know that happens. Like, yeah, you may be a nerd, but girls are still gonna come on to you. Like, he's just like... He's such a cute little nerd. And he's just the sweetest thing. Like, I can scream...
for like something like we're out of toilet burn he's running towards me like if I drop something he's running into the kitchen he's like I'm gonna take you out of the kitchen because there's glass on the ground and I'm gonna take care of this like I feel like if I was abandoned on the side of the street and I didn't know where it was he would come and get me and that's that's what I've always wanted I've wanted someone that was going to give me that safety
And also his family is always what I've wanted. They're close. They do things with their significant or their son's significant others. They like want them to be a part of the family. And like, that's what I've always wanted. I've always dealt with moms that are like, oh, well, you know, holidays are just family. And you know, what they're not she's not going to stick around. You didn't get the invite. So in past relationships, you never got the invite to family Christmas. Family Thanksgiving.
I mean, I feel like past relationships, it was always a little more hush-hush. Okay. Even with my ex of five years, I feel like his mom didn't know as long as we were dating. I think she knew about like three years. And we didn't, I didn't meet her until like the end of our relationship.
and was always like, hush, hush, like my mom's around and stuff like that. And in past relationships, I didn't feel like I was enough for the family. And that's what I've wanted. I've wanted a family to look at me and go, no, she can still be a good girlfriend, a good wife, and be everything our nephew's son, grandson wants. And that's how his family looks at me, and I was really concerned.
because they are Midwestern and you know, I didn't know how the, you know, censorship and viewership is there. It's a little, you know, more open for disabilities in the East Coast than it is in the South and the West or the Midwest. The West is open.
But so I was a little concerned, but they embraced me with open arms and they really never questioned anything. They did watch a couple episodes of the show before meeting me, which was weird because my boyfriend came into me not knowing who I was. He just found me on Instagram and was like, she's pretty. And then he found out about the show and he watched it for the first time with his family showing them who he was dating. And he's like, it was weird watching you dance with Dan.
I was like, yeah. But you were kind of around when I was talking to Dan. Like, I was like, we were friends then. That's funny. What's been the toughest part about living together? I think the toughest part about living together is the fact that he goes away for work and a lot of my work is at home or, you know, a ground home. So I'm home a lot more.
He hasn't found the boundary for when I'm working and why not. He's just home and we're just home together. He lets me do my video streams and stuff. He loves watching me do that. But if I'm not doing that and I'm like doing editing or I'm doing content making and stuff, he's like coming into the room. He's like, you want ice cream? I'm like, I'm working. He's like, oh.
Oh, I'm sorry. So he has to adjust to the fact that I work partially at home because he doesn't do that. He can work from home with his IT, but he goes in almost on the daily basis. So he has that ADHD mentality of like, I'm at work, I'm focused, I come home, I'm relaxed, I get to have fun. And when I can't have fun with him, he's like,
confused. How did you know that Trent, right? You said Trent, how did you know that Trent was a good guy? How did you know that he was safe and trustworthy and someone that you were comfortable spending lots of time with? Because yeah, you guys are dating. So how did you know that? Well,
I think, so Trent and I started out as friends. And then about three months into our friendship, I started developing feelings. And I was like, no, I'm not getting into a relationship. I just got out of this five-year relationship. I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy myself. I had the fling with Dan that was kind of like at that point at its end.
I told him that I just wanted to be friends because I didn't want to do distance and I honestly didn't see much of a romantic forward with him. I didn't want to stray him along because I was just looking for something casual and I didn't want a relationship. And so I was very honest about that and I was honest with that about Trent and he was chill. He's like, I'm chill. I'm just want to be friends. You're pretty.
But there's obviously a distance between us so it's not possible right now and I started like talking like seven other guys after and I just went through like this routine of talking to them on and off and then When it came like down to like him and like Trent and another guy I was going to go with this other guy, but then he did a no call no show or like he did a no show and I was like
Next and then I started just hanging out with Trent more friendship wise I wasn't talking to anyone and then I told my friend on Halloween I was like I think I'm in love with him and She's like
No, I thought we were trying not to do this. I was like, I know. But like, he's really nice. He's funny. We have the same humor. She's like, no, I love Trent. He's just really far away and you don't want to date. And I was like, yeah, but I think I love him. So then we went out and I drank a little and then I texted him. I was like, I think I'm in love with you. We've kind of been dating ever since. Because he had told me he loved me before then. But I was like, I'm not there. I'm not ready for that. I was like, casual.
Casual. So we started casual and we just grew. Do you have any strict boundaries for dating? Any rules given your disability? Is there something like a rule that you've set for yourself that's unique or is it typical to how most people? I'm kind of a one strike person. Like if you do me really bad now in one strike as a 25 year old I've decided that in my early dating I would do three strikes. What's an example of a strike? Cheating.
Um, physical violence, even if it's just like you get mad and you shove me. Um, that's happened before. Oh yeah. I was in a very abusive relationship. I'm so sorry. Oh, it's okay. Life is life. Um, and it happens to like one in four women. So gosh.
What, if you don't mind me asking what happened, how did this happen? It started with physically grabbing my wrists and then getting mad at video games and going to punch the couch that I'm like right next to. And then next thing I know is it escalates into grabbing my wrists further and pulling me. And next thing they know, they're not taking the anger out on the couch, they're taking it out on you.
And this, and where you ever punched her, it was the, you were punched. Yeah. Oh, it's fine. No, it's not fine. It's not fine. Nothing's fine about that. It's fine now for me because I've gone through my therapy days. I don't know. I think they went to a church and got better, but I don't believe that. But,
I mean, I think I was very used to being in abusive situations because I've been neglected a lot by the public and I've always been told that I was less than and told that I deserved a lot of the bad things that were happening in my life. You know, I was told as a young age that the cancer should have killed me. So I was very, I personally was very vulnerable to those situations.
And, you know, I dated the wrong dude. Did your parents know that this was going on? They found out after, and almost. After you broke up with him.
The day I broke up they found out that he was a horrible person and how long did that go on for them? That relationship was two weeks and it was two weeks it escalated to get he got physically violent in two weeks We were best friends for six months And he escalated for in two weeks. Did you know him in person or was he like an online best friends like you live down the road?
And this was where you were your teenager were you early? Yeah, I was like in I was 17 18 okay, and So he lived right down the road and he had another girlfriend and then when they broke up we started dating and it just escalated and I mean it started with threats on text What did he threaten you? What did he said? He was gonna hurt me or that he was gonna tell people things about me and I think that's kind of like
When your significant other starts putting your best out the wayside and starts looking at it as a way to threaten you, that's the time to leave. What did you say when he started sending you those threats?
I was just really confused because we were just having conversations about, you know, how I was not okay with it. And he's just sitting there threatening me more. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to go to bed. And like, I've always been like an avoider in those situations, like with the confrontation. And that's why, like, as I've gotten older, it's a one strike because I put up with
you know, getting hit, getting cheated on, getting told I was worthless, and... See, when you said strike, like, I thought you were referring to, oh, he just like... He chewed loudly, or like, I didn't like the way he smacked his lips when he chewed bubblegum. Like, you're talking about cheating, physical violence. Like, those are really, really... Like, of course that's a one strike. Like, those are really bad. Yeah, those are one strikes. I think you kind of just shocked me there. I guess what I'm...
What I hope, I love how you're an advocate for people who have disabilities, for minorities, I love that. And so I guess my ask right now is
What's the, what's the warning sign? Like what should people do if in the relationship someone starts to be verbally abusive? What do you wish you would have done in that situation? I think I wish I would have gone to my family and my friends first. I think I did talk to them pretty early on in the second situation, but it's happened before and
like that's the thing it's a repeat thing it's a repetitive thing and it's I'm trying to break the cycle as an older adult and so I think the best thing is don't let yourself get cut off you know don't cut off my family yeah don't let people get cut off from you don't let them tell you you're less than yeah once you start hearing anything that is
somewhat not uplifting you because a relationship should make you a better version of yourself. Bingo. And if it's not doing that, then you should really walk away. But if it starts to get to the point where the other person is being emotionally, physically, in any way, scaring you, you start talking to someone and you start learning to walk away.
I love how you said, if they cut you off from your friends and family, that's a red flag. It's the first sign, the first step, because they want to isolate you. The step, that's the same thing with kind of grooming and guys that isolate or humans that isolate you. It's the same kind of thing. They try to cut you off from your safety.
from your places you would go and ask if this is okay. Because they know it's not okay, and they don't want you to ask it. So that's the first sign in grooming. It's the first sign in becoming an abusive relationship. I mean, grooming is a form of abuse, and they have the same tactics. So I think I've always been very aware of that, but I've let myself be in an abusive relationship because I emitted a defeat and said,
Yeah, I am worthless. I don't deserve better than this. If I do leave, a guy's just going to cheat and beat me too. Being in a horrible relationship like that, the statistics are horrible. I know people get stuck in these relationships and they don't leave and they don't think there's a way out. They blame themselves. Yeah, my on and off one was exactly that. I kept going back to an abuser for those situations.
You, it almost takes someone else or takes a revelation, whatever you want to call it, to realize your worth. And I mean, it's why I'm such an advocate for self-love and positivity because no matter the disability, no matter the situation, minority or whatever,
These feelings, we all feel. We all understand. We all can connect with. And that's what it's really about, you know, it's knowing your self-worth. So when I'm preaching self-worth and self-love and all this stuff, it doesn't just go to the people with disabilities. It doesn't just go to the able people that follow me. It doesn't just go to the minorities. It goes to everyone.
And who knows, maybe Amanda just scrolling on the internet needed to hear that that day and it helps her. That's why using social media and that aspect is really important if you don't have anyone and you are isolated because that is someone you can use to help get you out.
But you also have to start building your foundations yourself. That's another thing that happens with abusers is they take away your own foundation. They isolate you from your job, or they take you out of your career, or they change your lifestyle. So when you're ready to leave, you're like, where am I going to go?
So you have to be able to pick up on those cues and each change that happens in your life, you have to go, is this the best thing for me? When you're in a relationship with someone, you are skeptical of being an abuser or being someone that's taking advantage of you. You have to go, is this the best decision for me or is this the best decision for them?
Yeah and and I think like I'm just thankfully I've never been in like the situation like yours like that's I mean we Abby and I have been like so lucky just to have dated each other oh my gosh I just like I hear these horror stories of dating and I'm like this is like really really scary I guess like something something that um people in those situations need to be aware of I think is
There's hope for you like it. I feel like you So I can just see how someone in that situation could think oh, there's nothing I can do. I can't get out I I it's gonna work. They're gonna get better all this and I think instead they need to realize you know what I can build a better life after this and it seems really scary and it would probably be really really scary to leave but I think
You know, having that realization is what needs to happen. And thankfully it sounds like you had your family and had your friends to help you, you know, come to that conclusion. It may be the scariest things an individual does is leaving that situation, but I feel like a better happiness is always around the corner. You know, I wasn't so sure with leaving my ex that I was going to be okay.
But I was, and then I found Trent. And I've never found anyone that's made me happier. And that's the important thing is I feel like after going through such a traumatizing situation, yes, anything can be better. And you can go back into another traumatizing situation. But when you find that person that's not going to traumatize you,
It feels weird. It feels uncomfortable. It feels not normal. And I feel like that's the feeling you have to get used to is not being in a relationship that's not going to hurt you. What does he do that makes you so happy?
Brings me food. Brings you food. Yeah, Brings me food. What's up with food? Does he know your order? He knows you're like, yeah, I was like, he's IT for a coffee shop and I can't drink coffee. So he makes me drink some stuff. And he comes home with that stuff. He takes care of Sahara, my dog. If my dog don't like him, I wouldn't be with him.
Is that one of your strikes? My dog doesn't like you. You're done. Oh, yeah. My dog doesn't like a lot of people. He doesn't like you. You're done. Done, done, done. And then he's very family oriented. And that's important to me because I wanted that family vibe.
immediate family, we don't have much beyond that. You know, we've had a lot of deaths or we just don't talk to some people or we've lost contact and I wanted a closeness with my significant others family. I wanted that like, you know, like if I have kids, their cousins or their best friends kind of feel and his family has that feeling, has that vibe about them and the fact that he's so about them and you know, he's a little bit of a mama's boy.
But he's not a mama's boy enough that like he has to be next to her every second. And that I feel like is a healthy amount of mama's boy that is something I was looking for because if you respect your mother, if you respect your family, that shows how you're going to treat me as a woman. That's good.
I'm so happy for you. Thank you. I hope everything continues to go amazing. Where can people follow you? Like stay up to date with you because I know you're very active on social media. Is there a certain platform that you like to connect with people on the most? I think I connect with people most through Instagram, which is at the real Shonnare.
99 with a couple of underscores in there. It pops up though. And then Facebook is shot array. That's where a lot of the older crowd come in or actually a large part of the disability community is on Facebook because sometimes their parents get restrictive with social media.
And then TikTok is my biggest community. Oh, cool. It's just Sean or A99. And then, of course, I do have my Twitch community, which is more personal, and get some more personal conversation when we talk about disabilities while I'm streaming and stuff. And that's Sean or A99 on Twitch.
Okay, so, so cool. Well, thank you for taking the time to come talk to us. Thank you so much. I admire so much about you, and I feel like I didn't talk enough, but you guys were having so much good questions in back and forth. You talked first. I talk really good behind camera, apparently. But no, I just wanted to say that I respect you so much. And like Matt said, you're an amazing advocate in the fact that you are able to articulate big topics
so casually in an understandable manner and like your advocacy for women in general but the disabled community and minorities in general like it's really
commendable. So thank you for having this conversation. Thank you for letting us ask questions that like maybe we didn't phrase in the best way of being so receptive and kind and I think a lot of people could have gained a lot from your episode. I appreciate you guys having me and having the conversations with me because not everyone's open to those conversations. Thank you. See you guys next episode. Thanks for being here.
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