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    Shahzad Younas - How Faith And Culture Impacts Finding Love

    en-usSeptember 16, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Understanding Muslim Dating vs. Western DatingMuslims prioritize marriage over dating, focusing on compatibility and long-term commitment.

      The concept of dating holds different meanings in various cultures, particularly in the Muslim community. Muslims don't date in the same way as in the Western world. Instead, they focus on marriage as a lifelong commitment with clear intentions and goals. This approach is deeply rooted in the Muslim faith, which values the family unit as the heart of society. Consequently, when Muslims get to know someone, they are upfront about their intentions to marry and ask serious questions to determine compatibility. This method allows them to establish a solid foundation for their future family life. The difference lies in the intent and the ultimate goal: dating for pleasure versus marriage for building a family and community.

    • Helping Muslims find meaningful relationshipsThe Islamic dating app MERS prioritizes building family units and providing security over gamification and engagement, resulting in numerous successful marriages.

      In the Islamic approach to relationships, the priority is to build a family unit and provide security to each other. This is different from typical western-style dating where objectives can vary greatly. Many modern dating apps are heavily gamified and designed to keep users engaged rather than helping them find a partner and get off the platform. However, the Islamic dating app MERS focuses on solving the problem of helping Muslims find partners and get married, and their success is proven through the numerous marriages that have resulted from their platform. The opportunity to serve the large Muslim population and help them find meaningful relationships is a significant one.

    • Understanding user needs for effective dating appsDesigning dating apps with specific user communities in mind can lead to more effective and respectful experiences, as seen in the development of an app for the Muslim community that prioritizes privacy, modesty, and matchmaking.

      Traditional dating apps, with their large user base and focus on casual interactions, can create a conflict of interest for users seeking long-term relationships. The speaker, who developed a dating app specifically for the Muslim community, emphasized the importance of understanding users' needs and designing the app accordingly. In this case, the Muslim community values a more matchmaking-like experience, with a focus on finding a life partner and respecting privacy and modesty. The speaker's app asks for extensive personal information and allows users to keep their photos private until they are ready to share them. By catering to the unique needs and values of the Muslim community, the app provides a more effective and respectful way for users to find meaningful connections.

    • Muslim dating apps: A unique approach to finding loveMuslim dating apps prioritize safety and community involvement, offering a unique approach to love and relationships. While there are advantages and disadvantages, both worlds can learn from each other.

      The Muslim dating app industry is unique in its approach to helping people find partners, with features like a chaperone system designed to ensure safety and encourage good behavior. This approach, while different from the Western style of dating, has its advantages and disadvantages. The arranged marriage process can be less hectic and more logical, but it may leave candidates less experienced in matters of love and romance. However, there is potential for both worlds to learn from each other. For instance, Muslim communities could benefit from embracing emotional expression and social education, while the Western world could learn from the emphasis on family and community involvement in the dating process. Ultimately, it's important to respect and build products around the unique ways different cultures approach dating.

    • Exploring Relationships and Sexuality in Muslim CommunitiesMuslims can benefit from open conversations about relationships and sexuality, drawing inspiration from both Muslim and non-Muslim traditions, to foster stronger, more fulfilling marriages.

      Muslims could benefit from more open conversations about relationships and sexuality within their communities, drawing inspiration from Western cultures while maintaining respectful boundaries. Historically, Islam had a more balanced approach to these topics, but scholars have tabooed them, leading to a lack of necessary education and skills for healthy relationships. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, and quick marriages that may not be based on mutual understanding and compatibility. By learning from both Muslim and non-Muslim traditions, Muslims can create a respectful and open environment for discussing relationships and finding partners, ultimately leading to stronger and more fulfilling marriages.

    • Power dynamics and societal pressures in Muslim dating appsMuslim dating apps have unique dynamics with women receiving more attention and control, while men put in more effort. Societal pressures influence women's choices and older women face challenges. Height is a preference, but apps cater to those serious about marriage, excluding non-Muslims not committed.

      While there are numerous dating apps available, the dynamics of male and female usage and experiences differ significantly. Women often receive an overwhelming amount of attention and have more control, with men having to put in more effort. The male preference for height is also notable, and women can be selective due to societal pressures and the desire to find a long-term partner. However, older women, especially those divorced with children, face challenges in finding suitable partners, leading some to consider non-Muslim matches. The apps generally cater to those serious about marriage within the Muslim community, but do not allow non-Muslims who are not serious about marriage. Overall, navigating the dating app scene involves understanding these power dynamics and societal pressures.

    • Exploring the Complexities of Attraction on Dating AppsApps show users individuals who may not fit initial filters to encourage potential connections, recognizing the complexities of attraction and the importance of human connection in forming meaningful relationships.

      While there are guidelines and behavior expectations in place to ensure respectful interactions on the app, the success of matches goes beyond just opposites attracting or similarities aligning. People are complex, and attraction can stem from various factors, including personality traits and energy. The app intentionally shows users individuals who may not fit their initial filters to encourage potential connections that could lead to meaningful relationships. Ultimately, science can provide some insights, but the human element of connection cannot be fully predicted or quantified.

    • Protecting Women and Children's Welfare in Marriage and DivorceReligious and cultural teachings emphasize the importance of protecting women and children's welfare during and after marriage, especially during challenging situations. Adhering to the spirit of the law, rather than just the letter, prioritizes their well-being.

      While different religious and cultural perspectives may have varying views on love, marriage, and divorce, the underlying principle of ensuring the protection and well-being of women and children, especially during and after a marriage, remains essential. The speaker, who has studied various spiritual teachings, emphasizes that the framework becomes crucial when things go wrong. From a female perspective, the protection and care of women and children are vital concerns. In the context of Islam, while the letter of the law may not always be just, the spirit of the law, which emphasizes kindness and consideration, should guide actions. The speaker's personal experience illustrates the importance of adhering to the spirit of the law, which prioritizes the welfare of the divorced wife and children. Ultimately, the speaker's message encourages individuals to prioritize the well-being of others, especially during challenging situations, and to uphold the spirit of their religious or cultural teachings.

    • Treat others with kindness and respectBeing kind and respectful to others is a fundamental principle that builds strong connections and pleases God. Honesty and clarity in dating can save time and energy, leading to more compatible matches and happiness.

      Treating others with kindness and respect, as you would like to be treated, is a fundamental principle that transcends various religious and ethical teachings. Whether it's in the context of personal relationships or general interactions, this principle is essential for building strong connections and pleasing God. The spirit of the law or the ultimate truth behind all religions is to treat others well and avoid causing harm. In the context of dating, being honest and straightforward can make the process easier and more respectful for everyone involved. By being clear about your intentions and preferences, you can save time and energy, and potentially find a more compatible match. Ultimately, the goal is to build a family unit and find happiness, both for yourself and for those around you. By treating others with kindness and respect, you can create meaningful connections and contribute positively to the world.

    • Helping young Muslims find love despite challengesThe Muslim dating app, despite facing resistance and low success rate, is seen as a solution to help young Muslims find love and overcome traditional marriage barriers.

      While the dating app in question has a large user base, only a small percentage of users find a match each year. However, the app's founders believe that as the pool of users grows, the matching process is likely to improve, leading to more successful marriages. Despite the low percentage of users who have found partners, the founders see tangible impact in the number of people who have met and married through the app. They also see it as a solution to the crisis of helping young people get married in the Muslim community. The founders have even encountered resistance from some users who want to keep their use of the app a secret. Despite the challenges, the founders remain optimistic about the future of the app and see it as a way for young Muslims to take control of their romantic lives. Before the app, finding a partner was a difficult and often unrewarding process, relying on family networks and arranged marriages. The app has filled a void in this area and has become a popular and successful way for many to find love.

    • The role of families and shared values in successful relationshipsRespectful involvement of families and strong alignment of values between the couple are essential for a successful relationship. Physical attraction matters, but shared beliefs and mutual respect keep it going. AI in dating may lead to inauthentic interactions and false impressions, so focus on getting to know someone through their words and actions.

      Finding a meaningful and successful relationship, whether arranged or based on personal attraction, requires a respectful involvement of families and a strong alignment of values between the couple. The physical attraction is important, but it's the shared values and mutual respect that truly keep a relationship together. The speaker also expressed skepticism towards the role of AI in dating, as it may lead to inauthentic interactions and false impressions. Instead, focusing on getting to know someone through their words and actions, as well as their values and beliefs, is crucial for building a strong and lasting connection.

    • Identifying serious partners in dating appsPersonalized questions and understanding user behavior can improve AI matches, but human interaction and judgment remain essential.

      While AI can be useful in creating a bio or matching users based on their online behavior, it cannot fully replace the sincerity and intent that comes from a person. The speaker emphasized the importance of solving the problem of identifying serious partners for women in the dating app scene, and suggested that a more personalized approach, such as having users answer a few questions, could lead to better matches. The speaker also mentioned that understanding a user's behavior on the app and their preferences could help AI make more accurate matches. However, the speaker acknowledged that there is a limit to how much AI can understand human nuance and intent, and that human interaction and judgment are still essential in the dating app experience.

    • The use of AI in dating could lead to a distorted perception of realityAI in dating could create a false sense of connection, potentially leading to feelings of loneliness and depression, and it's crucial to find a balance between technology and human interaction.

      The use of AI in dating and social interactions could potentially lead to a distorted perception of reality and create a false sense of connection. The widespread use of AI-generated personas for flirting and creating friends could make genuine human interactions seem less attractive, leading to a new set of problems. The hype around AI and its application to every aspect of life, including dating, should be approached with caution. While AI can enhance certain aspects of conversations, it may also contribute to feelings of loneliness and depression by further isolating individuals from real human connections. It's essential to find a balance between technology and human interaction to maintain mental health and well-being. Additionally, it's important to be aware of the potential for addictive qualities in online platforms and to prioritize productive interactions that lead to meaningful connections.

    • The importance of human connection in a digital worldRemote work and dating can benefit from technology, but in-person interactions and human connection are crucial for young team members and overall well-being. Balance is key to maximizing the benefits of technology while minimizing potential negative effects.

      While technology can enable remote work and even dating, it's important not to overlook the human element and the potential negative effects on well-being and creativity. The speaker shared their experience of transitioning from fully remote to hybrid work, emphasizing the importance of in-person interactions for young team members and overall well-being. They also discussed the idea of using technology to help identify "good" people on dating apps and reward good behavior, but acknowledged the challenges in implementing this in a fair and effective way. Ultimately, the speaker highlighted the need to strike a balance between the benefits of technology and the importance of human connection.

    • Innovative approaches to online dating beyond swipingVirtual speed dating offers real conversations before connection, leading to more authentic interactions and valuable data for developers to improve matching algorithms.

      Traditional swiping apps may not be the future of online dating as they can be superficial and exhausting for users. Instead, innovative approaches like virtual speed dating, which allow users to have real conversations before deciding to connect, can lead to more authentic and meaningful interactions. This model not only benefits users by providing a more genuine dating experience but also offers valuable data for developers to improve their matching algorithms. By understanding why people pass or like each other, developers can provide more personalized and effective matches, ultimately leading to higher user satisfaction and retention. However, it's essential to address the challenge of exhaustion by providing users with a feedback system that allows them to provide reasons for passing on potential matches, ensuring they are not shown similar profiles again. Overall, the future of online dating lies in creating more authentic and personalized experiences for users.

    • Creating a successful dating app: Balancing emotional needs and user experienceTo build a successful dating app, focus on clear communication, deal breakers, and understanding emotional user journeys. Encourage honesty and respect to increase user engagement and satisfaction.

      Building a successful dating app is a complex task due to the emotional nature of the user base and the need to balance various factors. Negative profiles, whether from men or women, are not inviting and can lead to lost customers and valuable learning opportunities. Being serious and honest in communication, having clear deal breakers, and knowing what one is looking for are essential tips for users to increase their chances of finding a match. For app developers, understanding the emotional journey of users and finding ways to support them in the process is crucial. The goal is to create an app that is engaging, efficient, and respectful of users' time and emotions.

    • Unrealistic expectations on dating apps lead to frustrationReflect on personal goals, be open to broader possibilities, and prioritize communication and honesty for successful dating app experiences.

      People often have unrealistic expectations when using dating apps, leading to frustration and difficulty finding matches. As people age and gain more relationship experience, they tend to narrow their lists of requirements, not realizing the implications of their specifications. For instance, if two desired traits each have a 1 in 10 likelihood of appearing, the combined probability is only 1 in 100. It's essential to consider what truly matters in a potential partner and be open to broader possibilities. Communication and honesty about intentions also save time and build respect. Before using dating apps, it's crucial to reflect on personal goals and desires, ensuring a thoughtful and effective search. Ultimately, while apps can facilitate connections, the behavior and mindset of users play a significant role in the outcomes.

    • Exploring the pros and cons of online connectionsOnline interactions offer freedom and autonomy, but can also bring obligations and complexity. Being clear about intentions and authentic in online interactions can lead to meaningful connections.

      Online connections come with unique advantages and challenges. On the one hand, the ease of making and ending connections allows for greater freedom and autonomy. On the other hand, introductions by mutual friends can create obligations and add complexity to the connection. It's important to remember that online interactions can bring out the best and worst in people, and being kind and open can help create a better online community. Ultimately, being clear about what you want and being authentic in your online interactions can lead to meaningful connections. So, take some time this week to reflect on your own desires and intentions, and approach online dating with a positive and open mindset.

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    For more wisdom and guidance from Dr. Gabor Maté, follow him on Instagram or visit: https://drgabormate.com

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    Don't forget to subscribe to Slo Mo for new episodes every Saturday. Only with your help can we reach One Billion Happy #onebillionhappy

    Unstressable with Robert Sapolsky - Revealing Humanity's Inner Workings

    Unstressable with Robert Sapolsky - Revealing Humanity's Inner Workings

    Today I'll start with a gentle reminder that our upcoming book "Unstressable: A Practical Guide to Stress-Free Living" is available for preorder. It is written by me, Mo Gawdat and my wonderful co-author Alice Law and we hope it will truly make an impact in getting a million people out of Stress.

    To help us learn more about Stress, in this episode of Slo Mo, I am honored to welcome Robert Sapolsky, a luminary in the field of neuroscience and a master storyteller of human behavior. A truly remarkable human being. Like a deep and engaging dialogue between friends, Robert shares his journey through the intricate maze of the human brain, discussing the marvels of biology that underpin our emotions, actions, and the essence of what makes us human.

    Beyond his groundbreaking research on stress, Robert explores his passion for teaching, his profound insights into the intersection of biology and behavior, and his unyielding curiosity about the human condition. This episode is a celebration of intellectual exploration, the wonders of scientific discovery, and the profound impact of sharing knowledge to illuminate the mysteries of our existence.

    Listen as we discuss:

    • The upcoming release of Unstressable
    • The Biology of Stress
    • How our Compassion sometimes contributes to our Stress
    • How humans are a species of Contradictions
    • How Contextual is Stress
    • The Evolution of our Tribal mentality 
    • Dopamine
    • Free Will
    • The Positive impact we can make

    For more insights and inspiration from Robert Sapolsky, dive into his lectures and books (his most recent: https://a.co/d/iZTAUed), and follow his work at the forefront of neuroscience and behavior. To stay in touch with Robert, you can follow his academic contributions and public engagements, or subscribe to his Instagram page.

    YouTube: @mogawdatofficial
    Instagram: @mo_gawdat
    Facebook: @mo.gawdat.official
    LinkedIn: /in/mogawdat
    Tiktok: @mogawdat
    X: @mgawdat
    Website: mogawdat.com

    Don't forget to subscribe to Slo Mo for new episodes every Saturday. Only with your help can we reach One Billion Happy #onebillionhappy

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     We discuss service leadership in a relationship and the mentality to out serve your partner. We talk about the roles and responsibilities in the household and the importance of having a partner that will hold you accountable. We debate the perception of the term “head of household” and why it might be outdated. I inquire about creating space for your wife to find and have a voice in the relationship. We go deep on how to balance the business of the relationship with the romance in the relationship. We end the conversation around the idea of maturity, what that means, and the importance of time management to balance areas we invest our energy in.

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    Follow @ThinkLoveWife on Instagram and send any questions and topics that you’d like me to discuss.

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    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

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    Welcome back to another juicy and exciting episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! On this show, we’re here to help with all your burning questions about dating and relationships! We bring on our first caller, who has been in a long distance relationship for a long time with her boyfriend. After it looks like they are able to move much closer and no longer have to do long distance, our caller wonders how to best transition into this new phase, being able to enjoy each other but also respect the space they might need. Our next caller finds herself stuck in a toxic work environment when a situationship starts to go astray. Having an intense  emotional relationship with someone you work with everyday, our caller feels stress when not being able to set proper boundaries both at work and in the situationship with her coworker. Our last caller struggles when her husband's friend continues to try to insert himself and befriend our caller’s family. After her mother says she’s getting DMs from this friend, our caller is unsure how to read his intentions and how to set boundaries while also potentially being supportive if need be. 

    “My therapist called him a drug” 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/

    Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491

    Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today!

    If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line! 

    THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

    Babbel: Right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to http://www.BABBEL.com/viall. Babbel—Language for life.

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    Let's Talk Breadcrumbing

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    Hi Everyone, Happy Holidays!

    In today's episode, we talk about the dating term 'breadcrumbing'!

    Attitude of Gratitude (00:00-08:30):

    Our Celeb Talk Includes (08:30-24:30):

    • Mariah Carey teams up with Ariana Grande and Jennifer Hudson for new 'Oh Santa' single
    • Larsa Pippin exposes the Kardashians 

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    2941 More of We

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    Life can get in the way of loving those closest to us, especially our spouses. So instead of hiding in our busyness and floundering more in someone else's highlight reel, make a commitment to more of we.

    How much time do you spend with your spouse?

    Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at Women of IMPACT. https://createyournow.mn.co

    And would you say that you spend less time together now than when you got married?

    Most of us have to really stop and think when we see our sweethearts. And as for the time, what time is it again?

    The number one relationship, if you're married, is your spouse. 

    But very quickly, we find other ways to occupy our time, distract our attention, and lead us down a rabbit hole in our own homes. 

    It just does not seem fair to anyone!

    Yet you live it every day. You get up and do YOUR thing and forget that there's someONE in your life. You take care of the children, because you have to. But the rest is left to fend for themselves. 

    How can any marriage be awesome if that's a typical every day?

    What if you would make time for each other?

    What if there was more of we?

    The K.I.S.S. ~ More of WE!

    My goal here is to get you thinking about how you spend TIME with your spouse.

    Are you showing up with your best self, or is your spouse getting the leftovers?

    "Leftovers are great for food, not so much for love!" ~ Kristianne Wargo

    You get out what you put into your marriage. So why not show up with enthusiasm? Why not give more when you don't receive? Why not have compassion during challenges in life? Why not be together more than you are apart?

    It's hard to build a strong foundation in marriage if you're not together. Logistics do matter. 

    I want to encourage you to analyze your time with your spouse. 

    1. How much time do you spend together in bed?
    2. How much time do you spend as a couple awake and interacting?
    3. How much time do you spend talking about life, not just kids and career?

    Then from there, you'll be able to see what is happening regarding time.

    Is time on your side?

    Assuming that you fall into "most of us," then you can make some tweaks to how you hang out together. The way you spend your time together matters!

    QUESTION: What can you do differently to add time to love?

    "Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

     

    #RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage

    TAKE A.I.M. ~ Action Ignites Motivation  - This is a complimentary (FREE) coaching call with me. You will discuss your specific situation while gaining tools and strategies to move you forward.

    Live. Love. IMPACT! 

    "One step at a time leads to miles of greatness!"

    Wanting help with goals, setting your schedule, or needing someone to talk to (even if you don't know what you need)? It's time you TAKE A.I.M. ~ Action Ignites Motivation. This is FREE for you. Please stop trying to do life by yourself. Put YOU first! Become your best selfie so you can live your life's purpose.

     

    Subscribe to Create Your Now TV on Pray.com.

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    Listen to Create Your Now on iHeart Radio. Click here.

    The Create Your Now Archives are LIVE!! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here on Apple Podcasts. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive1 and http://bit.ly/CYNarchive2 and http://bit.ly/CYNarchive3 and http://bit.ly/CYNarchive4 and http://bit.ly/CYNarchive5 and http://bit.ly/CYNarchive6 and https://bit.ly/CYNarchive7

    Contact me at YourBestSelfie@CreateYourNow.com

    THE NO FUSS MEAL PLAN

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    PERISCOPE USERS!!!

    Click here for ANDROID Users / GOOGLE  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=tv.periscope.android

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    Read more from Kristianne, a contributor to The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Thrive Global, Addicted2Success, Entrepreneur, LifeHack, and She Owns It.

    https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/5-things-to-do-while-waiting-for-success-to-manifest-in-your-life/

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristianne-wargo/

    http://bit.ly/9amHabits

    https://journal.thriveglobal.com/how-to-configure-a-sleep-pattern-fit-for-you-d8edd3387eaf#.sniv275c3

    https://sheownsit.com/when-failure-is-your-middle-name/

     

    DOMESTIC BEAUTIES (Announcements)

    1. Come and let's connect in our Community - Women Of IMPACT  https://createyournow.mn.co

    2. Listen to the Create Your Now Podcast on iHeart Radio, Apple, Spotify, Samsung, Pandora, Amazon, and Audible.

    3. Create Your Now Archive 1 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive1

    4. Create Your Now Archive 2 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive2

    5. Create Your Now Archive 3 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive3

    6. Create Your Now Archive 4 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive4

    7. Create Your Now Archive 5 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive5

    8. Create Your Now Archive 6 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. http://bit.ly/CYNarchive6

    9. Create Your Now Archive 7 is LIVE! You can subscribe and listen to all the previous episodes here. https://bit.ly/CYNarchive7

    10. NEW Website! Please check it out and tell me what you think. http://www.createyournow.com

    11. Sign Up for The A.I.M. Academy! You will be the first to learn all about it. http://createyournow.com/m-academy-2

    12. Schedule a Discovery Call. It's a free 30-45 minute call for those serious about gaining insight and ready to take AIM.

    13. Newsletter and Library: If you desire to get weekly emails, be sure to sign up here so you can stay connected. http://createyournow.com/library

     

    Cover Art by Jenny Hamson

    Photo by Canva.com

     

    Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

    http://www.mandisaofficial.com

    Song ID: 68209
    Song Title: Overcomer
    Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
    Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
    One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - 
    Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.

    115- K-Holes & Chlamydia (ft. Harry Jowsey)

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