Right, so this podcast has been inspired by a nature programme. So I was watching a bird thing and this mother bird just picked up this little bird and threw it out the nest, you know? And I thought, oh, a bit harsh, survival, you see. All the other birds needed to eat and the little one was gobble it up, threw it out.
And there's been a few other things that I've seen in the natural world where they've kind of sacrificed one, you know? And I'm like, my God, thank God, we're not like that. And then the penny dropped, I was like, actually, we are like that. Do you know how many times I take readings from people and discuss with people in the coaching capacity? How many times, you know, whether it's a mum or a dad or whatever? And they say they don't bond with one of them.
And that's crazy, isn't it? Like a newborn baby has just popped out. And for some reason, you just kind of don't want it. Or you don't bond with it. That makes no sense at all. It's not even the child. It's not the child's fault because they've technically not done anything apart from being born.
And then I look at the, I've been researching about narcissistic family structures and how they're very much about having a black sheep of the family, having one that they abuse and they set up to fail. And they add that kind of emotional infrastructure where they literally
are perceived and even it's so cruel because the way that these family systems literally will spread the most horrendous perceptions of things and then there's this one family member who's like sick all the time and mental health issues and everything and they don't know why because obviously they only know what they've been given which is crumbs but ultimately their families have been bitching about them behind their backs
And there's this sacrifice, right? So I'm like, oh my God, it actually is happening with humans as well.
So if you have found yourself to be one of the people that I've mentioned, which is shoved out, you know, I mean, this is why I think you should never try and please your parents or please your family, because ultimately, if they've got it out for you, they've got it out for you anyway, so it doesn't matter. You could try your whole life trying to get their attention and it ain't happening.
The fact that you've already thought about that, like, should I change? Should I marry someone that I know they will approve of? Should I do this? It already says you don't feel the unconditional love. So it's like how much down that path of misery are you going to go?
So I mean I advise a few things, I think detach, build yourself back up again, find out who you are, learn what relationships are from a normal perspective, follow your heart, be happy. But it's easy for me to say right because I'm not in your shoes and I guess it is a case by case basis.
But the reason I'm talking about this subject is I can't believe having reflected on the amount of conversations I've had about this subject, how common it is. It's disturbing. So, if you have found yourself, whether, you know, maybe you've gone through the adoption process and you feel like you can't quite get your head around why your caregivers, when you're young, kind of have separated from you,
Or whether it's because you've been bought up in a family and you can't figure out why you're the one that you feel there just stays, do you feel there contempt?
you know and it's um you don't know what you've done and you can spend your whole fucking life thinking about this and you can go round the houses trying to figure out what it is that you've done wrong and you will and can absorb all the um
diagnosis known to man you say yep yep okay i'm the mentally ill one okay yep yep i'm the disobedient one okay yep yep i'm the naughty child but actually sometimes when you take a step back and you look at it from a different perspective you go uh i'm not actually the naughty one and
No, I actually don't think I am, you know, diagnosed with these things. I know people have been diagnosed by their family with loads of things and people of the extended family believe it. And yet there's not been one medical certificate that backs that up.
You know, I mean, that's Munchausen's right. Well, an element of it. But it's like sometimes they need that one child to blame everything on, project onto. As long as they're the naughty ones, they don't have to look at themselves.
You know, so it's, unfortunately that shit's governed before you've even popped out, right? So I mean, let's, let's focus on how you can get back on your feet, how to get yourself a steam. I'm a big believer in once you've asserted your authority within your own agency, and you really know who you are. You're unshakeable.
It doesn't even matter, because you don't care. I think the hurt you get from families, and the rejection that you get from that close of a proximity, it so overshadows any attempt to try and hurt you in the future.
In the future that hurt will be about, I can't believe this is happening again. It will be more disappointment than direct character assassination. But ultimately you get so bored of being bored and you get so done with being blamed for other people's problems and projected on. There's this almost resolve that kicks in and you almost kind of, it's like a call to arms where you kind of go
You know what? Fuck this. I need to be surrounded by better people. I just keep going into the same patterns of finding the same people with the same wounds and I keep finding people who are unavailable so that they can prove to me that they're available for me. Basically everything that I found in my childhood, I'm looking, seeking it out, experiencing it again and again and again. Are you tired yet?
You know, geez, do you know how many calls I take around this subject where people are like either they are having something with a married person because unavailability is their familiar or they are wanting and getting obsessive by someone who doesn't like them because not being liked is their familiar and they're caught up in this and you can go on to the 60s, 70s, 80s until the rest of their life.
You know? So why don't we just stop for a second? Why don't we bring it down a notch, you know?
Why don't we get into a position where it's like, right, okay, of acceptance? Okay, I am who I am. This is where I am. I don't agree with what's happened and what's been sent my way. And I certainly don't agree with the behavior and the treatment that I've got. But now I need to stick to it because there's no point in being hurt by the past if I continue to relive it in my future.
Right, so let's just fucking stop for a second and say, I deserve the best. I deserve better treatment. I'm okay being on my own for a while because, quite honestly, I've been on my own my whole fucking life. It's just that normally I'm normally someone's punch bag. Whether that's metaphorically, emotionally, psychologically, psychically, physically, whatever, right? All of them.
But it's like, it's raw. It feels really disturbing to be on your own, because you're always used to downloading and feeding off of everyone else's contempt towards you. Your nervous system is shot to shit. All that rejection, you know? All that expectation. All coming from everyone else, that's too much pressure, you know?
This is what happens with seeds. So think of a plant seed and you've planted it. It has no idea where it's going. Well, it doesn't look like it anyway, because it's a seed. It has no north or south divide and you plant it in about a couple of inches in the soil. All right. And then you put all that darkness or that dark soil on this seed and then you pray for the best. You water it a little bit and then you pray for the best. That seed knows
It has a gravitational pull. I mean, obviously I don't know, no, but I presume. And the seed kind of goes, oh, okay, I think this is the way up and I think this is the way down. In the same way as you have your morality, I think there's something wrong with this setup. I think I deserve better. I know this is unhealthy. So you're exactly the same as that seed. And then what that seed does is it realises it kind of checks out its environment and goes, Oh, shit, man.
I'm in the dark, it's cold, it's wet, it's a horrible position to be in, it's a horrible place to be and I'm desperate to get out of it. But the seed goes, if I
race this. If I uncoil my stem too quickly, I'm going to break my own neck basically. I'm going to break my stem. And that's where the saying comes from. You know, like, don't break your neck doing it. Don't break your neck trying to please other people. If you go to these things too quickly, you'll break your neck, right? So this seed knows it needs to uncoil. It has this stem inside of it and it wants to grow.
So it goes, okay, I've got to come out of the dark slowly, but surely, because the pressure, the more I push against this black, dark, soil pressure, the more it's going to come back at me. Pressure pressure, right? So it goes, I need to move it in a path of less resistance towards the light, just tiny little movements per day. And one day, I'm just going to go pink, and I'm going to arrive at surface level, and then I'm going to grow up, and then I'm going to flower.
And depending on what plant you are, sometimes you only get 24 hours. I know. You think your life shit. So this plant opens up. Oh my God, I've met the sun. Finally, a bit light. You know, photosynthesis, I'm going to grow like you've never seen before. But it's taking its time, right, to get out of that soil. So this is the same with you. Calm down. Bring it down.
you know, trust your morality, trust your compass. Now it's not easy, I'm not saying it's easy, because ultimately when people start messing with your fucking head and your emotions and they've gaslighted you to an inch of your life and your nervous system is so wired up to protect you and defend you that actually you kind of don't know what's right or wrong anymore
and you kind of don't know the difference between North and South, you do. It is programmed deep, deep, deep, deep, deep inside of you. So if you just stop for a second and you take your time and you trust yourself and go, you know what, even though I've gone through this horrible situation, and even though society seems to have rejected me left, right and center, and even though even my own blood seems to be incessant on
trying to break my soul, I know what's right and what's wrong and the reason you've proven that to yourself is because you're questioning it. It's like narcissists. If you're wondering if you're a narcissist, you're probably not because you're questioning it. At the point of question comes the answer. So if you're sitting there thinking, I don't know what's wrong anymore, well you do because you know that there's something is wrong or something is right.
So you're on the right path. Chill. Chill. Relax. So look, everything is going to be all right. Nice and slowly, just navigate yourself out these situations. Don't need to tell anyone. Don't need to race out of it. You don't need to break your own neck trying to fucking get distance and chase that sun. It will come.
But nice and slowly. And if you feel like you're in the dark right now and you don't know your ass from your elbow, don't worry. There's billions of people on this planet who's done the same thing. And sometimes I question whether we're all going through the same thing at the same time. But everything will be alright.
But the fact that you question it and the fact that you know something is wrong, that is that seed. So if you let that just, if you cultivate the right environment for that seed and keep encouraging that seed of doubt, that seed of hope, I think now I'm going to sound Bible-bashing and I do apologise if it's not your thing.
But I think Jesus said something along the lines of you only need the size of a seed of a mustard seed or too many seeds, but you only need the faith the size of a mustard seed and you only need to believe in that thing and it will manifest.
tiny tiny little thing so if you believe in your seed of doubt and if you believe enough that you know you deserve that seed of happiness and if you think someone is seedy like what the fuck you know believe in it believe in it believe in it and it will grow and it will grow slowly and it will manifest over time and it will present itself it will present the truth and then you finally get to the point of accepting and blooming
And then you can experience your own photosynthesis, which is reaping from your new environment and growing upwards. I mean, that's nice, isn't it? So don't worry, chill, hang on. Nothing to worry about. But if you have any seed of doubt, any seed of hope,
it can change your world. But let it grow and believe in that seed, alright? You're too special, stop winding yourself up. Love your loads as always. Come here for a big cuddle.
