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    Sarah Dawn Moore - How To Break Up With Your Bad Relationship Habits

    en-usSeptember 23, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Discovering Wisdom on Social Media: A Conversation with Sarah Doan MooreSarah Doan Moore's social media platform offers insights into relationships through a psychological and behavioral science lens, using humor and sarcasm to illuminate absurdities, and emphasizes learning from past relationships to improve future ones.

      The podcast "Slow Mo" is a space for inspiring conversations between friends, where they share life stories and offer wisdom. In this episode, Moe shares how he discovered relationship coach Sarah Doan Moore on Instagram and was deeply resonated with her content. Sarah, with over 1.5 million followers, uses her platform to demystify the challenges of love and relationships through a psychological and behavioral science lens. Moe expresses his gratitude for Sarah's content, which has helped him gain new insights into relationships and his own experiences. Sarah shares her background in acting and singing before transitioning into social media creation, and how she uses humor and sarcasm to illuminate the absurdities of relationship behaviors. Both Moe and Sarah's conversations highlight the importance of understanding and learning from our past relationships to improve our future ones.

    • Men's need for space and validationMany men feel hesitant to express their deepest desires and needs due to fear of consequences or misunderstandings, leading to a common theme of men not feeling heard in relationships and communication.

      Men often feel unheard and undervalved when it comes to expressing their deepest desires and needs. This was highlighted for the speaker when a seemingly lighthearted TikTok post about men needing "cave time" went viral and received an overwhelming response from men seeking validation for their need for space. The speaker, who had previously worked a corporate job, was surprised by the magnitude of this issue and began interviewing men to better understand their perspectives. She found that many men feel hesitant to express themselves honestly due to fear of consequences or misunderstandings. This dynamic, she believes, contributes to a common theme across her content - men not feeling heard. The speaker acknowledges that societal transitions around gender roles and identities add complexity to the conversation, but emphasizes the importance of creating safe spaces for open and honest dialogue. Ultimately, she encourages empathy and understanding between genders to foster healthier relationships and more authentic communication.

    • Understanding the differences between men and womenCultivate curiosity and respect in relationships to create a safe space for open conversations and mutual growth, rather than trying to change each other.

      Effective communication and understanding between men and women in relationships is a complex issue that requires curiosity and neutrality instead of judgment and demands. The gender roles and expectations have evolved, and it's essential to acknowledge and respect each other's differences rather than trying to change each other. The goal should be to create a safe space for open conversations and mutual growth. John Gray's book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" has gained renewed relevance due to the confusion many people face in navigating modern relationships. The content encourages couples to be curious about each other's motivations and actions instead of pointing fingers and demanding change. The reality is that men and women have distinct ways of processing emotions and communicating needs. Instead of trying to convert men into women or vice versa, it's crucial to embrace the differences and find common ground. The book "What French Women Know" offers an interesting perspective, suggesting that treating a partner like a puppy might not be demeaning but rather acknowledging the unique characteristics that make them different. The key is to avoid trying to change each other and instead focus on understanding and appreciating the differences. Effective communication and mutual respect are crucial for a successful relationship. By fostering a curious and neutral mindset, couples can create a safe space for open conversations and grow together.

    • Personal experiences shape perspectives and guide self-discoveryRecognizing and expressing needs in relationships can prevent repeating unhealthy patterns. Early childhood experiences influence romantic behaviors. Personal growth and reflection are essential in navigating life's challenges.

      Personal experiences, whether positive or negative, play a significant role in shaping our perspectives and guiding us towards self-discovery. The speaker shared her experience of going through a painful breakup, which led her to introspection and understanding her patterns in relationships. She mentioned how early childhood experiences, such as losing a father figure, can influence women's behavior in romantic relationships. The speaker emphasized the importance of recognizing and expressing one's needs in a relationship to avoid repeating unhealthy patterns. She also highlighted the appeal of solution-oriented and scientific content for men. Overall, the discussion underscores the importance of personal growth and reflection in navigating relationships and life's challenges.

    • Healing past emotional wounds for healthy relationshipsIdentify true attractions, heal past wounds, and appreciate kindness for fulfilling relationships

      Understanding and healing past emotional wounds is crucial for building healthy relationships. The speaker shares her experience of getting into contentious relationships due to unmet needs and deep-rooted fears. She encourages women to identify their true attractions and evaluate if they are beneficial for their overall well-being. By healing past wounds, women can see men for who they truly are and appreciate their kindness and courtesies, leading to more fulfilling relationships. In essence, self-healing is the foundation for forming healthy and joyful connections with others.

    • Balancing Femininity and StrengthWomen possess both strong, masculine traits and nurturing, feminine ones, but societal expectations often force us to suppress our femininity, leading to feelings of competition and imbalance in all areas of life. Embracing both traits can lead to greater fulfillment and harmony.

      Women face unique challenges in balancing their femininity and strength, both at home and in the workplace. Unfortunately, we've come to associate femininity with weakness, but it's the opposite. Women possess both strong, masculine traits and nurturing, feminine ones. In the corporate world, we're often forced to compete with men, leading to feelings of competition and a need to suppress our femininity. At home, the role of a housewife is often undervalued, but it's a challenging and impactful job. Marketing, a field dominated by feminine traits, is a prime example of this paradox. Women are encouraged to "toughen up" and compete in a masculine way, despite their natural strengths lying in areas like conceptual thinking, creativity, and empathy. Healing relationships with men involves establishing trust and allowing them to help, rather than seeing it as a sign of weakness. By embracing our femininity and recognizing the value of both masculine and feminine traits, we can find greater balance and fulfillment in all areas of our lives.

    • Father's influence on women's relationshipsWomen who lack stable father figures may use intimacy unhealthily, isolate in relationships, and rely too heavily on partners. Healing and setting realistic expectations can lead to healthier relationships.

      Women's attitudes in relationships can be influenced by their experiences with their fathers. If a woman lacks a stable father figure, she may learn to use sexual intimacy as a way to get a man's attention, leading to unhealthy boundaries and expectations in future relationships. The speaker suggests that women should focus on healing themselves and lowering their expectations in relationships, allowing men to be men and providing their own support systems with other women. The isolation caused by COVID-19 has exacerbated this issue, with both men and women relying too heavily on their partners for emotional and social needs. It's essential to recognize and address the root causes of these patterns to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

    • Early experiences with men shape perceptionsPersonal experiences don't define all men, consider past roles, seek support, and prioritize growth.

      Women's early experiences with men can shape their perceptions and beliefs about all men, leading to the conclusion that men cannot be trusted. However, this is not a universal truth. It's essential to examine personal experiences and consider one's role in these relationships. Having a supportive figure, such as a father, can help women navigate dating and make healthy choices. It's crucial to remember that not all men have the same intentions and that healing involves understanding past experiences and taking responsibility for personal growth.

    • Impact of past experiences on future relationshipsRecognize and challenge limiting beliefs from past relationships to open up to healthier connections, be aware of power dynamics, and prioritize authentic relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

      Our past experiences, particularly in relationships, can significantly impact our trust and perception towards future relationships. This is often referred to as selection bias. A string of negative experiences can lead us to form limiting beliefs and expectations, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's crucial to recognize and challenge these patterns to open ourselves up to healthier relationships. Additionally, the dynamics of power in relationships can be skewed, with some individuals using manipulative tactics to secure partners. It's essential to be aware of these dynamics and prioritize authentic connections based on mutual respect and understanding. Ultimately, it's about breaking free from past patterns and embracing the possibility of forming genuine, loving relationships.

    • Understanding Your Relationship PatternsConsider your relationship patterns, seek good men who meet your needs, and reflect on your desires as you age.

      Women should be mindful of the patterns they keep repeating in their relationships and consider what they are attracting and allowing. The allure of the "challenging" or "bad boy" type may come from an evolutionary desire for social proof, but it can also come with potential costs. Instead, women should consider seeking out good men who can also provide the desired dominance in the relationship, but may require clear communication and expression of desires. Additionally, women's hormones and desires may change as they age, and it's important to consider what they truly want in a partner as they grow older. Ultimately, it's essential for women to reflect on their own needs and values in a relationship and make conscious choices based on those factors.

    • Embracing Masculinity in RelationshipsGood men can benefit from letting go of 'nice guy' behavior and embracing their masculinity to build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

      Being a good man and showing dominance are not mutually exclusive. Good men want to take charge and dominate, but they often hold back due to fear of being misunderstood or crossing a line. This desire for control is not just limited to the bedroom. A good man thinks too much and can benefit from letting go of being a "nice guy" and embracing his masculinity. This concept is explored in the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Men who have grown up in nurturing roles, such as caring for a single mother, may struggle with this, as they fear hurting women or being like the absent father figure. Women are attracted to men who display confidence and masculinity, but not from a needy or desperate place. Both men and women need to heal past wounds and integrate their masculine and feminine energies for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Additionally, receiving intermittent love as a child can lead to a pattern of seeking love based on performance rather than feeling deserving of it.

    • Childhood experiences shape our adult perception of loveUnderstanding past conditioning is important, but consistent communication and stability in relationships leads to a healthy and fulfilling dynamic.

      Our childhood experiences shape our perception of love and relationships in adulthood. For some, love may seem chaotic and intermittent due to past conditioning. This can lead women to be attracted to unstable relationships, as they may feel that's what love is. However, it's essential to assess and challenge these conditioned beliefs. Consistent communication and stability in a relationship can provide a healthy and fulfilling dynamic. It's important to understand that most men desire peace and stability in their relationships, as it allows them to focus on their personal and professional growth. Continuous testing and pushing in a relationship can ultimately lead to the partner leaving. It's crucial to recognize and value the importance of a stable and loving relationship.

    • Communication is key to a healthy relationship between men and womenEffective communication helps alleviate feelings of insecurity, strengthens bonds, and is essential for a strong and fulfilling relationship.

      Effective communication is crucial for a healthy relationship between men and women. Women often feel the need for reassurance and security, but they may not express it clearly. Men, on the other hand, may struggle to understand what would make their partners happy. Misunderstandings and feelings of insecurity can lead to devastation when one partner leaves. It's essential for both parties to communicate openly about their feelings and needs. Women, in particular, may have been conditioned to believe that expressing their needs makes them needy or demanding. Breaking free from these conditioned beliefs and communicating honestly can make relationships easier for both partners. Men who understand and respond to their partners' needs can help alleviate feelings of insecurity and strengthen the bond between them. Effective communication is the foundation of a strong and fulfilling relationship.

    • Effective communication in relationshipsExpress needs positively, avoid accusatory tone, focus on partner's contribution, and avoid assumptions to build stronger connections

      Effective communication is key in understanding and resolving misunderstandings between couples. The tone and approach used in conversations can make a significant difference in how a partner perceives and responds to requests or concerns. Instead of using an accusatory tone, it's essential to express needs in a way that allows the other person to feel they can serve and contribute positively to the relationship. By focusing on how the partner can help meet our needs, we create an environment where both parties feel valued and appreciated. Additionally, avoiding assumptions and judgment towards our partners can foster trust and openness in the relationship. Misunderstandings are common, but with compassionate and clear communication, we can build stronger connections and overcome challenges together.

    • Understanding Different Ways of Expressing LoveMen and women express love differently, men through providing and women through nurturing. Open communication is crucial to meet both partner's needs and build a strong relationship.

      Men and women have different ways of expressing love and caring for their families. The man in the story worked hard to provide for his family out of love, while the woman expressed love through nurturing and creating a safe home. These different needs and motivations can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of disrespect. It's important for both partners to create a safe and non-judgmental space for open communication to build a strong and respectful relationship. Men want respect, while women seek love and security. Understanding and appreciating these differences can help prevent the constant seesaw of emotions and ensure both partners' needs are met.

    • Respecting each other's unique needs and rolesEffective communication, expressing interest early, and acknowledging each other's needs and desires are crucial for a strong and fulfilling relationship.

      Understanding and respecting each other's unique needs and roles in a relationship is essential for peace and happiness. Men desire appreciation and reassurance of their masculinity, while women crave love and feeling seen and safe. Effective communication and expressing interest early in relationships are key to building a strong connection. Good men value reciprocated communication and respect personal space, making the first move can be seen as disruptive or disrespectful. By acknowledging and respecting each other's needs and desires, partners can foster a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

    • Removing Social Barriers for Deeper ConnectionsBe authentic, communicate lovingly, and embrace differences to create meaningful relationships

      Removing the social barriers between individuals, particularly in romantic situations, can lead to deeper connections and understanding. According to the podcast guest, Sarah, making the first move and being empathetic towards others can help bridge the communication gap and create meaningful relationships. Additionally, acknowledging and appreciating the unique experiences and perspectives of others is crucial in fostering mutual respect and understanding. Sarah's advice encourages individuals to be authentic, communicate lovingly, and embrace the differences between people. By doing so, we can help heal the chasm that exists in relationships and create a more empathetic and connected world. So, next time you're in a situation where you'd like to connect with someone, consider removing the barriers and making the first move with kindness and understanding.

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    • The Biology of Stress
    • How our Compassion sometimes contributes to our Stress
    • How humans are a species of Contradictions
    • How Contextual is Stress
    • The Evolution of our Tribal mentality 
    • Dopamine
    • Free Will
    • The Positive impact we can make

    For more insights and inspiration from Robert Sapolsky, dive into his lectures and books (his most recent: https://a.co/d/iZTAUed), and follow his work at the forefront of neuroscience and behavior. To stay in touch with Robert, you can follow his academic contributions and public engagements, or subscribe to his Instagram page.

    YouTube: @mogawdatofficial
    Instagram: @mo_gawdat
    Facebook: @mo.gawdat.official
    LinkedIn: /in/mogawdat
    Tiktok: @mogawdat
    X: @mgawdat
    Website: mogawdat.com

    Don't forget to subscribe to Slo Mo for new episodes every Saturday. Only with your help can we reach One Billion Happy #onebillionhappy

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