S9 EP25: Time To Ban Homework

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. Hello, I'm Josh Willicom. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting whoa. Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing.

Are you locally recording, Josh? Of course I'm fucking not. Of course, Sanquale is great as well, perfect. Well, I'm got my mic in position. Well, I'd put my mic in position for a podcast, wouldn't you?

Fuck my life. If you're wondering why I haven't opened the lighting so bad, the blind's broken so I couldn't open it. Right, okay. It's quite blue that room you're in, isn't it? Not as blue as my language this morning. Right. Oh, for fuck's sake. I was strictly training going. Was that a bad time to ask? It is an oasis in a field of stress. Because you were on the school run, you was dropping the kids off in the car, and then you got caught in traffic. I was so angry in the car. I can't do this, Rob.

I mean, you have to do it. We've got to do the podcast mate. Are you retarded? Is this your imagination from life? No, no, no, no, no, no, from the pod. I might just go and live in a fucking cave.

It's so difficult having no kitchen, so the cave wouldn't help. Right, yeah. This is the worst period of the seven years of parenting. Really? It's so difficult. What's going on? I didn't find last week. You were in the office. I know I was in the office. Surrounded by gold discs. You was getting drinks brought to you. You were living a life. It's so much more difficult than I thought it would be having a kitchen done. Now, looking back, not moving as close to your old house as possible. Was that an error?

Well, this morning, I had a five-minute drive to school, and then I got to the end of the new road that we're on, and it was a diversion, and it took 25 minutes each way. Oh, that's longer than mine, and I live in the countryside. I know, Rob. I could have walked. I could have walked. I drove to save some time. Honestly, in London, though, if you get caught in a certain diversion, it is so fun.

And then on the way back, my sat nav directed me the short way. And I thought, oh, it's probably just a diversion going one way. And then I drive the short way, obviously get caught. You can't go down that road again. So I have to loop all the way back round, straight into the same fucking diversion. The other way, it's been so difficult. So the weekend, Rob, let me take you through my weekend again.

last like on Friday. Yeah, so Friday morning I had to go and get my Varuka lasered. How was that? Did they cut it out and burn it or was it a laser? Well, let me just tell you why. I've been putting it off a bit, but it was causing problems when I was practicing my dancing in the kitchen in just my socks. Right. Even practicing alone in the kitchen. Well, kitchen, Airbnb kitchen. You're out of the buildings. Airbnb kitchen. Step back lads.

I've got a dance that I can't say to do in front of you, but I can't tell you why. Yeah, I can't possibly tell you what dance is ruin the surprise. Yeah. I tell you what, Rob, until you're on one of these big shows, you don't realize how everything is a fucking news story. It's mental.

What's the news story then at the moment? You've heard good? I'm doing strictly. Yeah. No, but what I mean is generally like everything that someone says about strictly is it's mad. You didn't know that it was sort of a big deal that covers the news constantly. How is your friendship with Sean Walsh? Do you have a chat to him? No, in the last 24 hours we haven't touched base. I am very close to Sean and I love Sean and

11 days on the front page. It's fucking mental. Anyway, awful. Let's not go back on that. So Friday, when to get my Varuka done, turned out, good news gone. It was a corn. Oh, it was a corn. What's the difference between Varuka and a corn? That was my question. Corn is, I just saw Rob's face light up as he goes to Google.

I've got an AI overview. Tell me if this is the same as what the professional said. A football is a small thickened area skin that can develop on top of side or sole of the foot. Corn's often caused by ill-fitting shoes, but other factors can also contribute. Yeah, so it was basically like if you had a small rock of skin. Is that because you wear converse all the time and you're slapping your big old hobbits beat about any of them hokers mate. You need a bit of balance as you walk. Here he is.

First of all, fucking it out. Sorry, I know the price you pay for fashion, we're in Converse. I'm not wearing Converse, I'm wearing Nikes. Oh, sorry, my book fly. I didn't realize there was an absolute swag merchant in Omitz. Dripping insults this guy. Although I should say, well, I'm going to get some free Adidas because Karen's boyfriend is one of the main guys at Adidas. So who's Karen? The dance partner.

It's one of the main guys. He is a big fan of the podcast. Is it? Yeah, he is. So hello to him. Get me some adidas as well, then. No, it's not comfortable enough for you. No, it's not comfortable enough for you. That noise we made. That was literally like a buzzer on a quiz show. My life.

I hate myself. Put on the limited edition Columbia shirt. Get that for me. I can't buy it anyways. I'll pay in cash for it. I'm sure he could get it free. No, no, I want to pay. Okay. Corn. So it was a corn because of your ad shoes. And he found a varrooch on my other foot that I didn't know I had. Oh, God, you're a grubby little boy, aren't you? No, I said you look a bit dirty. Wow.

I'm not even going into that. Come on, go into it. I'm going to talk about sexing up my mum. Oh, no, I don't, actually. She's just had a knee replacement, actually, and she's in hospital. You're so bloody knee replacement.

Send the backing boy, she's not on these. She's not at fault now. So, then did last like. Did it hurt? Okay, then Matt, did I cut him out or? Oh my God, it laser. Yeah. He said I was very brave. I think you're a fisher for the bravery.

Yeah, well he said most people shout but I just remains basically psychopathically silent. Not his words but my words. In a way that's for worrying the knowledge in the pain in it. Someone can laser some skin off your foot and you don't flinch. You must go, what's happening inside here? Yeah. It's not as painful as not having a kitchen. I tell you that for free, mate.

So I last like to like get some views about Trump off your chest. Bloody hell that guy. Don't get me started on him.

And then straight home. And then next morning, obviously, we're in the B&B, but we have to leave, so we have to get our pack. Oh, so you haven't moved into the Airbnb. We were in a lot of last Airbnb. We only had it for four days. All right, so are you now? In a different one, because that one didn't last. It was only four days. So you just booked it for a little bit thinking, I'm just like, let's just get out of here to book this.

Right, so now you're in another B&B. Ebbing me, yeah, yeah. I have a long fall. When this goes out, God knows where I'll be fucking living, probably, hopefully, back at home with the kitchen. And the kitchen should be done then? No. OK, so while you're going back, we'll at least have some kind of wall at the back of our house. It won't be fucking freezing. Yeah, but you still have people coming in and out through the front and back all day, building a kitchen. So where are you going to do this podcast?

Oh, do you think I've given that a second thought? I would suggest that you maybe should. I'd argue it's quite an important part of your week. Yeah, it is. But I tell you I'm doing a rob in town. Right, OK, fair enough. Yeah, we're doing it face to face next Monday. Right, OK, good. That's perfect. The reason I haven't given it a second thought rob is I'm existing on an hour to hour basis at the moment. Right, that's fine. But as a colleague and as a friend, I thought if I just acknowledge it now so that next week we can plan ahead. Yes, OK, good.

just seeing as my agent's birthday on Tuesday. Fuck, I need to sort of present. Right. Don't worry about that now. Let's just focus on the now today. Now you're just talking about leaving your last Airbnb, moving to your new Airbnb. How much luck each of you got? It's not a lot of luggage because we can nip home. Right. Okay. You're closer now. It's a 15 minute walk. Oh, okay. That's not too bad yet. Yeah. So like, I'm going to feed the cat and the hamster and stuff like that. The hamster, yeah, of course. The house, the hamster and the fish. And the

How is the hamster all good? He's good actually. Yeah. He's a good laugh. I like him. Cool. Big furry bum. So then we, I don't know what happened, but I fell asleep on the sofa at one point and then had to go to Cardiff for a corporate on Saturday night. Yeah. Okay. Well for energy suppliers. Did you get any?

got it going have you for a human straight back in the car get home at 2am yeah and then Rose had to go and see a dad on Sunday so I took the kids to a birthday party lovely little chill day for you yeah and then I had

McIntyre's big show in the evening. Oh, my God. What's said to all? No, no, I was because you when they do the midnight game show, you then have to go in and react to it in the room. React to it, yeah. Bloody hell, it's a busy weekend. Yeah, tell me about it, Rob. Last leg, Cardiff and McIntyre.

I know. The weird thing about McIntyre is the call time is quite late. So the car was at 7.30, which you think is good, but you've tapped out by that. You know that time when you're like, oh, this is an early call time. I'm not, actually it's quite helpful because you're not like, now you're living off adrenaline. You can't rest.

Yeah. Didn't even relax when you had your corn burn off. Exactly, mate. Also, the day on Sunday was just like, we've only really got our bedroom and the sitting room. That's all we've got. So you were back at your old house for the weekend before you went to New Airbnb, because there was no builders there at the weekend. But was there no back on the house, though? So the doors are nailed shut.

Fucking hell. Still cold, still cold. So then yesterday morning, I'd go and do the Strictly V.T. Oh, you know, the funny V.T. Yeah, where you're larking around. Yeah. And then I had four hours dance. And then I'd go on to, it takes two to announce that I was on Strictly. Fucking hell.

That is a lot of stuff to do there, isn't it? And then, car home. Yep. From there. And then we had to pack up to go to the new B&B. Did you go to the B&B this morning? No, last night, got there about half nine. Was Rose already in the Airbnb? No, she was at home because our son also is ill. He's got a temperature. Oh, God. Then did they go to bed the kids in the Airbnb? Yeah, about half nine. As soon as we got her back. Yeah, half nine. So then I'd get my daughter to bed and then they've got

some Enid Blighton book that they're reading at school. It's called, like, The Magic Chair or something. The Wishing Chair, it's called. And it was the Wishing Chair collection. She's obviously done a series of these books. And my daughter was like, oh, we're reading the first one at school. Can we read the second one? So I start reading the second one, Rob. So you'll read it to her in bed. Reading it to her, but she's reading it over my shoulder. Now, I have to be careful how I'd say this. So I'm just reading it.

And on the first page, it gets to the name of an elf or a genie or something. Yeah. And that is an offensive word. Oh, no. OK, so our old dean is blind. Is she still with us? No, no, no. It's from years ago. She was born in East Alid 1897, died in Hampstead, fucking South London, turncoat, went north. She died in 68. So I imagine it's quite a fruity. Yeah.

Do you want to spell the word? Is that allowed? You'll know what the word is when I tell you that you know when you're reading out loud and you're not taking in. So I didn't like stop. I just thought it must be the name that was just coincidentally. OK, well, I need to know what the word was. Well, I can tell you. Yeah. I said it. And then my daughter said, oh, that's weird. When we read this at school, that character is called Pinky. Oh, fuck.

Enid. Enid, Enid, Enid. What were you thinking? I blame it on the move to North London.

Come on, Rob, we've all been to South London. Come on. That's a mad name for an elf. It is insane. It's a racial slur. It's a racial slur, yeah. It was the book called The Wishing Chair. And I was like, oh, sorry, I must have misread it. But now you're teaching not to read properly. And she looked over my shoulder. She said, no, no, no. Look, you were right. And she pointed to the word, the teacher.

has obviously been changing the name. Yeah, of course. Good on the teacher. I didn't clock it and just said it. 1947. Right. Yeah. So I was panicking at this point. Yeah. Would you have been panicking? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I wouldn't have said that word out loud.

I was so tired, Rob, and I was just reading out loud and I thought it must be just the context that means this is an offensive. So I said, the one you've got to school must be the newer version, right? So we'll go with that. And she said, no, no, this book looks newer than the one we got at school.

That's the problem at this age. They're too intelligent and they're too. Yes. So this morning I was like I'm gonna have to talk to her about this Yes, because she needs to go into school and go I just read this at home and actually has it been changed? Yes, so it says here they're first eventually the rescue pixie called the bad word renamed to Binky I'll Binky they call that character Binky now in the revised editions of the book alright

And it's also called, that picture is called jigs in the TV series, which implies that she was called jugs. It's on point. It can't get enough. So this morning in the car, I thought I've got to talk to her about this. Yes. I said, I've looked into it. Yeah. I've looked into it. Now that makes you look mental that you don't know. Even to the search it.

I researched it. The reason it was changed is that it's an offensive word for a Chinese person. And we can't say that word anymore. And she said, yeah, OK. And then she said, what does it mean? And I said, it was just a word that wasn't a very nice word. Describe a certain group of people. Describe a certain group of people. It's unacceptable now and it makes them unhappy and sad. It's me. Yeah. Yeah.

She got it, but she wanted to know why it was offensive. Yeah, I mean, I think it's difficult. It's because you're just kind of repeating it and going, because it was like a nasty way to describe them. I think sometimes, though, it's offensive because a word like that will be used for people from a certain area, and it will group people together based on looks and ignorance.

dehumanizes them and all these kind of things. But that's quite difficult. The semantics of that is difficult with a seven year old. So anyway, I think I'm going to just drop a short email to the teacher to flag it and say, why are you rewriting history? If you respect Enid, respect her words. Why are you basically burning books? Why are you throwing away statues of slave owners?

This is our history. But it really makes everyone sad when they read it and creates more divide in the classroom. I don't care. Art is art. Now, I'm just going to flag. I said to her, we don't say that word. She was clear on that. But the truth is out there of what the original word was. And I'm worried she's going to tell her friends. I think it's good to drop that in an email. Hi, mate. Just a quick one. Have you think mate's an offensive word? Wait for this one.

Oh God, yeah. I feel so much better and I feel like I shouldn't have been as angry when I came back into the house with Rose about the fact that the internet didn't work because the Airbnb owner had changed their internet but hadn't changed it in the house pack.

I hadn't changed the password. They've obviously got a new provider, but they haven't changed the... Look, I'll be honest with you, I think you've been very busy. You've announced you're doing strictly, which is what you've had this lovely little oasis of escape. You're a little secret, but you and Karen have a little dance. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I should be worrying about this because lots of people are talking about it now and people are messaging me about it. And then that will stress you out subconsciously. Oh my God, Rob, it was a weird night.

Who presents that show now? Fleur, East, or Jeanette Mamrara. So I get there, Rob. It was Fleur, because I was putting Jeanette's dressing room. I tried to have a shower. It was running cold. Well, in Jeanette's shed, you pervert. Well, you've borrowed someone's dressing room. You've immediately got naked and started washing. I know I haven't, though, because it's too cold. Why are you so sweaty, anyway? Because I've just been doing four hours of dancing.

Oh, he's dancing. Oh, you ever mentioned it? Fucking hell mate. Yeah, we get it. You don't strictly fucking shut up Fuck it. Oh, yeah, you're dancing bla bla bla

I'm joking. So you've got your dick ass. I'm nude in Jeanette's dressing room. I'm nude in Jeanette's dressing room. Shower doesn't work. Shower's too cold. Just have to get dressed again. I didn't have a shower. Go on, stinks. Oh, that's worse. You just got naked for a bit and then... Yeah, I just got naked in her dressing room and then got dressed again. I don't hate chocolate fingers. And that's not... Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. Well, it's not. You've already threatened to give my mum a new knee replacement through vigorous sex.

Let's calm down, strictly. Strictly dancer has sex with Beckett's mum before getting naked. Josh when it comes starts a fail with Sue Beckett. I was just so scared about revealing my role. It's the most scared I've been on a TV show.

in years. Yeah, that's because it's real and you're at your comfort zone. Yeah, it felt real. And it's such a big show that you have to sort of like respect it. Well, I was like, I just kept saying I was terrified. I didn't say that. I said, I'm terrified and I'm going to ruin Christmas and it's going to be awful, which might have been a way to do my interview. Yeah. Well, you've got one really pumped for that new show. I just thought I'd play the emotion, Rob. Well, you can't lie. That's how you feel, isn't it? Yeah. And it's coming out in other ways. Yes, there we go. Anything else you want to share?

because I've had a mental couple of days. I'm great. Go on. Oh, you're happy about that, eh? Well, just a bit of blessed relief. Before I tell you about the stressful couple of days is tell me what you think about this. I think we should start a movement to ban homework. Are you my daughter? Listen to my argument about it, OK? My children come home with homework, right? And they're not loads, but they're still young. I get it when you're like doing your GCSEs and stuff. I think at primary school, it's completely... I couldn't have it at primary school.

I think it's a complete waste of time at primary school because the children are learning in this class. They're in there a lot, right? And then they send them home with like a sheet that most of the time they either can do and it's really easy, but they can't be bothered. And then it's just a war of attrition convince them to do it. Or it's sort of really difficult to the point where they go, well, how do I do it? And I literally cannot explain to it. And it seems madness. Well, it's because also you're not good at maths, right? Yeah. I am good at maths, but it's changed.

It's not even like Rob Beckett going, it's difficult for me. It's difficult even if you're really good at maths. I actually feel like I'm actively confusing my child and making it harder and telling them things aren't correct. And I sort of feel like in this modern world of having a work-life balance, which I think most adults struggle with and the fact now we're culturally... I think I've got it pretty good actually, Rob.

Never culturally we're talking now within an office. It's not actually big and clever to be there till nine at night. And in certain cultures in Denmark, if you're there about past five o'clock finish time, they're like, what's wrong? Not. Wow. Aren't they a hard worker? Aren't they grafting?

Why are we now trying to create a adult work culture that's beneficial to the country and to people's homes life with a good balance where you go to work, you get your work done, then you go home and turn your work emails off, you don't do any work because at home that's where you relax and you have family time. Why are children still being forced to take their work home with them? It's a terrible example to set. This is an incredibly good argument, Rob.

The school should end and that's when they, you know, have family time to learn to socialise, they relax, they do sport. There's enough fucking learning all day at school. What is this pointless bit of paper they send on that's either you argue with a child about it. I feel like a nag, I feel like a nag as well.

You're nagging them, and then they're acting with you, and then they are tired. It's long days for these kids, especially in primary school. I get it, you know, and it should maybe be more optional stuff in secondary school, but I just think it's a fucking terrible lesson to teach your children that you finish your day, which is long, they get dropped off at eight, get picked up three or four, then they've got to do more. I just think it's terrible, and family times are quite a premium. Why fucking poison it? We're trying to do fractions. When the adults don't even know what the fuck to do.

Thank you. And that's not me just going, oh, I can't be bothered to do homework with my kids. I'm trying to get out of it. I don't think it's beneficial. You've made a very compelling argument, Rob. Thank you. Very compelling argument. Let's take it to Parliament. I look forward to being booked on the Jeremy Varenshaw on Channel 5 within the next week. Yeah.

make a very good. I haven't really thought about it. I've just, I've just told the line. And it because teachers told us and we're all scared of teachers because it's built into us as a child. I'm scared of everyone, Rob. I'm scared of everyone, as you know. But the work-life balance thing, I'm very bad for that. Yeah, but we're folks and kids to do it. I was, you know what? That was, it was like Churchill. I loved it.

I've watched church on the fly. I don't know, I'm getting really good at speeches. I've got to shut them off. It's very good. The key to a speech is you've got to care, haven't you? Yes. That's what sort of makes a good speech. Anyway, so Lou's not very well at the moment. We went A&E yesterday. She's better now. She's good. She's got the right medicine. But basically, so Sunday, I was busy getting ready for my tour as a way for a couple of nights, Friday, Saturday, and my sleep and loose sleep last week's been terrible because we come back from America.

And then I kept on gigging late and filming late. So I wasn't getting on English time. I was basically filming till late and they're not going to sleep till two or three in the morning, but still getting up at like six with the kids. So we were both knackered. Anyway, come on Sunday, had a nice day off Sunday. Lou was sort of fine in the morning, but said, oh, my glands are coming up for a little bit rough. Then she went to bed for a couple of hours. I mean, in the afternoon, while I looked after the kids and stuff and then woke up, she had a sound bath, but if you had done a sound bar.

I've always wanted to have a sound bath. It's like a gun bath, isn't it? Yeah, so it's at the same place she does a Pilates. She does reform Pilates. She lays down on there because it makes this massive noise, but it's all dark. It's all warm and blanket. It's really incredible. Yeah, so Lou went a few weeks ago and literally came back like a transformed woman that was so chilled, so relaxed. So she's not normally chilled. No.

I see what you're trying to do. Be back being a coder. Be calm back being a coder that I'm already staring at. Yes. She is a little bit, I'd say, tightly wound at times. OK? We both are. It's busy being a bit. I saw a really funny thing on the children this house, Rob.

So really really funny for your tics up the other day saying when you're becoming adult life It's just what literally one thing after another I can confirm it is one thing after another. Oh my god the amount of times oh God my kids just repeat phrases back to me that I say to them like I've got a thousand things to do and stuff and I just feel like such a fucking

She was having a cup of glass of wine in the evening. I think she was because she wasn't well. She was trying to just like chill. And one of the dogs got old of their teddies and chewed it a bit and got it dirty. So we were going to wash it and set it back up. And my daughter was like, when are you going to do that? When are you going to do that? I just want my teddy back for bedtime, but it's still dirty. And it's got a hole in it. I'm sorry. I've been away for like two nights working and I've literally not been here to wash it. Your mum has been really busy as well and she's not had a chance to do it.

And she went, when I went to bed the last two nights, she just sat watching a housewife drinking red wine. And I was like, OK, don't know what to say to that. Bangs are right. But I say stuff like, I just want an evening. And then I think, why am I so obsessed with this? What am I saying this to my child? I'm saying to my child, I got in from work at 2am.

I don't give a fuck. That doesn't mean anything to them. Why am I saying it? Yeah, but also you say, I just want an evening. What? They're going to say, OK, Dad, fine then. I won't like Beel or I won't need a screen. You know, but it's a lot of their needs. They're asking for it. It's just a situation. I know. I know.

Blue said something quite a good way to look at it because I was basically like, I'll tell you, go for the lose story in a minute. But like, I've been really, really unwell. It was alien. It's got quite serious at one point, but she's on the right medicine now. And then like my mum's in hospital, getting a knee replacement, you're threatening to fuck her, you know what I mean? And then my mate in Australia.

Sorry, you've offered promise, promise. And to do it well. And then my friend and I showed Ross blessing me to have this like brain surgery thing is going to be okay, but that's been really stressful. So he's been in hospital doing that, get well soon Ross. I hope you're feeling well. And stuff is he was in like, I see you. And then, so all these, and I was like, oh my, and then Lou was at the hospital. I was like, oh my God, it like my mum and mate in Australia. And I was like, everyone around me is like, he'll like that. And then Lou was like, all getting fixed.

Yeah. And I was like, it's just a quick shift because when you are overwhelmed with stuff, that might, for me, my anxiety will always go, oh, there we go. He's weak. Let's fucking do this. Let's bring up all the stuff from your past. Let's get all these insecurities out. He's tired. He's weak. Let's attack. So what you're saying is I need to go, my kitchen is getting fixed.

You're going to have a lovely, amazing kitchen and you're in a wonderful position to have a new kitchen and also be able to afford an Airbnb near your house and still do all these things. Totally. Well, you were in such a privileged position. Also, we're a privileged position where I could take Lou to ANE to get some free healthcare where if he was in America, you know, got those. So there he is. Get him on the last leg. Lou went to the sound bath, right? And then came back. She's in a privileged position. She's having a sound bath.

Right. So, yeah. So she came up with sound barf. She wasn't in a good way. She was often all cold and shivery. It was a bit emotional as well. And sound barf are known to sometimes unleash emotional trauma. Yeah. And you thought, here we go. She's dumping me. Yeah, you come to Volkswagen. Anyway, so we're stuck to the fucking sound barf.

It always starts to sound bad. But no, so she was a little bit like shaky and a little bit like, she weren't like the person that come back from the first one. Anyway, she went, I'm really cold. I'm going to get in the bath. I'm really cold, right? Anyway, so she gets in the bath. She has a bath way too or anyway, like insanely hot bath. And then I'm downstairs on my phone and I get, please come up and help. But that's spelt weird, like not how she would normally write. It's not weird. And then it had been like two minutes or whatever. And did you think here we go?

the kids are in bed. No, one thing's going to lead to another. No, I thought a kid had been sick and she was like helping the kid be sick and I need to come up to sort of like get the thinking off, right? You know, I got up there. Kids are both sound asleep. Go in the bathroom. It was literally on the foot. This is all, you know, this isn't funny. This bit of music. She's on the floor, right?

She's hyperventilating like having a panic attack. Her legs, feet and arms and hands are paralyzed in a sort of rigid position like almost like the hands are into like a claw that will not move. So she couldn't get out the bath. So that she's had a panic attack. She had to drag herself out the bath because she's got pins and needles. She's paralyzed in her hands and arms. Her mouth is paralyzed a bit. So she can't talk properly. She's shocking to see. Is there anything that has happened before?

Never. So I'm now googling stroke symptoms because she can't, her face is sort of frozen and she's got pindy needles and her arms not working and her face does look a bit droopy and she can't, she's slow in a word. So I'm googling that, but it's weird because it's both sides and actually it's sort of easing off. So then I get her into into the bed and then she's, now she's having a full blown actual panic attack because she was so scary for her.

So it's hard to calm her down and stuff. We run one one one and they call the details. She calmed down a little bit and she was in the bed and then she got a feeling back, but because it was both arms and her face came back and it was fine. But I was googling it because you think it's going to be a stroke. Yeah. So basically we run one one one and then they went, okay, we'll take our details. We'll call you back in an hour. So I didn't sleep all night. So I'm waiting for the phone call. They rang back. And were you just thinking we shouldn't go to any because it's

I can't really because of the kids but also her condition has got better and in the course of the phone call they said we don't think it's a stroke but we'll get a proper condition to ring you within an hour and they'll tell you what to do. What time is this? MPM on a Sunday night. I'm half asleep half awake waiting for this fucking phone call. There's a little sleep. Sort of drifting in and out of consciousness. I don't want to say she probably stepped all night.

They bring me back at 7.30am, fucking nine and a half hours later, and I miss the call when they go. Yeah, if she's still feeling rough, take her A&E, but I'll try you again, never try me again. I looked it up and actually, she has slightly low blood pressure points. If you have a really, really hot bath and your blood pressure is too low,

It can cause this thing and it's like proper hyperventilating can cause this paralysis because something to do with the carbon monoxide and you can't get enough air in. But as you calm down, you get your feeling back in your hands and stuff. That's what happened to my friend on the Stagdo. Do you remember this? Yeah, so what caused it? So he'd had a massive night out because we were in Bruges. Yeah. And he was really, really hungover. Yeah.

and then he had a bath yet and had a panic attack after yeah because and then he phoned 999 yes that all happened but then the panic attack will make that worse because you're so worried anyway so I got into bed and calmed it down slightly and then I was helping her breathe and she was getting really upset and another panic attack get all stressed anyway calm down a bit and then

she laid in bed, and then the next morning, I took the kids to school, but I didn't really sleep properly. I took the kids' school, then come back, and then we couldn't get, we just can't get a doctor's appointment in the moment, it's absolutely manageable. If I try and get a doctor's appointment, one, you can't get through, two, you can't do anything, or you get one in a week's time, you have to ring up, and then they go, we'll ring you back, then they ring you back, and they go, we'll dock to a ring you a few hours' time. But yeah, there is a service that we're very lucky we can afford, it's an 80 quid, but you can literally see a GP immediately.

down the road. So we did that. We drove over there because Lou was a mess. It was either that or an A&E. But actually, if we go there first, we'll be able to be seen quicker. So we went there. She said, you've got a severe tonsillitis infection, a bacterial one. And but Lou's heart rate, she was still, I think still like having panic attacks. Fuck.

But the heart rate was so high. She's mental. It was worried. She was like, I'm worried. Because the heart rate's so high, I'm worried that the infection's severe. And bacterial tonsilitis can go to sepsis quite quickly. So she said, you need to go to any immediately, but go to Lewisham, any, because they've got a specialist in nose and throat. So then I've just gone out like normal clothes. I've driven her to Lewisham, and they were at Lewisham comfortable training us.

comfortable training. Well, I was just in my scruffy school drop clothes. You know, it's a drove a solution, A&E. And we're there because they needed to do blood tests on her and to see if it escalated or deescalated. But we bought the antibiotics on the way so that she could start taking them. So it was already working. Because the dog said that you can go home and wait 24 hours, but it may get worse. So you might as well wait at A&E for a few hours to see. But they did the blood test and the inflammation was high. And she was really dehydrated because you couldn't eat or drink anything.

So anyway, they gave her loads of fluid and sent her home and she's on these antibiotics. But then dad had to come to get her from the hospital. I just saw out some childcare, a big up Lisa, who managed to get the kids from school and then come over here. Are you getting awesome? Yeah, so I had to come and do a voiceover and then I had to go do it.

And then I had to do a voiceover in town and then I had to stay in town to do a gig. Then today I've got up, done the school run, lose at home, lose dad's going to come around to walk the dogs. We've got Lisa to pick up the girls again because I'm out again because I'm doing this. Then I've got to go to a gig in Chesham and then

Tomorrow I've got radio to a bit of filming in town and do my voice over as a parrot because I'm a parrot in a film and then I've got a gig. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

I don't know if he's still Italian in the parrot because I'm doing it with this voice. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so we've got a really busy week and a bit stressful, but the bottom line is lose much better now and we're not much better. She just feels rough. Honestly, Josh, she looked like when I was driving to Lewis, I was like, she has to go in. This person cannot

get better at home. You know what I mean? When we were sat there, they managed to get some fluids into her. She started the antibiotics. She was on, I had a temperature of 41 degrees, but that was coming down with paracetamol eventually. So anyway, lose at home, lose feeling better, but my week's absolutely fucking spangled and I'm all over the gaff.

Yeah. And to top it all off, it's good to hear it. Top it all off. International week. No Premier League. International football this week. It's given you some more time to yourself from. It hasn't. It's given you more time to fucking think and not just enjoy Tottenham losing again.

They are listed on the cherry on the gate. To be fair to the kids though. The icing on the cherry on the cake. Yeah. To be fair to the kids. Okay, that. Yesterday, they got up and they were like, oh, don't go to school, stuff like that. And then Lou tried to get up to help. And they saw how ill Lou was. And this is when you know you've got good kids. They were like, Mum, do you need help? Can we do that? And literally everything me or Lou said, because I said, I'd base it, to have a team who needs to try that. And I just said, girls, look, I know you don't look out of school, but Mum is really, really not well.

dad's got to get to work after we drop you off so we just need to get stuff done on time because if I send you up to brush your teeth and you don't do it it's just we just need to be really on it this morning and I really appreciate it and bless him like we actually got to score early in the end because they just did everything. So would you recommend

If they're not going to school, just acting like one of the parents is quite ill. Yes, yeah, yeah. But I think it was actual worry when they saw it. Lou, like, looks so... Actually, the long term it's not that helpful. No, it's terrible. Two or three times a week when they... I tell you what, though, actually, in lighting, it was quite a lovely little school journey. Yeah.

Somehow, this morning, my children have got into Crazy Frog. Oh, what? Is it 2005? Do you want a big pint of nostalgia because you're getting it? Yeah, yeah, too bloody right. How did they get into Crazy Frog? Well, a couple of girls from Skor apparently, because I said, imagine how about Crazy Frog, right? And they were like, oh, a girl from Skor likes the song. Could you play it? So I played the Crazy Frog song, you know? And all that, yeah. And do you know what? The first time, I quite liked it.

Well, that's how I felt 20 years ago, mate. Yeah, nostalgia. And then it was the ringtone. Is that what it was? It was a ringtone. Yeah, originally, basically it was a, I've looked it up. There's a Swedish guy that could make that noise and thought it was a funny noise. And in the end, they put it to a computer graphic and was sold out as a ringtone and become an advert. It blew up. Anyway, so I love in it. And then they clicked on it because the one was sitting in the front, so they can click on like the Apple CarPlay thing. I went, oh, look, there's an album. I listened. I think there's a crazy frog.

Owls that, because they're what in those days Rob, that was the way to make money. Hey, we listened to an album of crazy frog songs over and over again. Your Spotify rap just gonna be a fucking nightmare. Mate, the main song weren't too bad and also the rest of it isn't too bad because it's like, um... Now this guy. What's going on? Right, yeah. So he doesn't accept the left? It does that and he does a bit of pump up the jam. Oh, he does. I like to move it as well.

This is actually quite a good fun. But that's just I like to move it. But in a minute you're a little bit of frog. Right, yeah, yeah. It is one of the champions. Does he? He fucking does. Well, he's got three albums of frog.

He's still funny. No, the one that killed me off. And when I was this, this was brought out in 2005, right? So some sound engineers in Sawa have probably absolutely off their face, drinking sambuk building this album. Because it's basically covers, it's basically the instrumental of pump up the jam, and then you just sprinkle a bit of frog over it. And then the final track of the album, this killed me off towards the end of the school world journey, is Crazy Sounds Acapella.

What? It is just the frog doing noises, and they absolutely loved it. And it was all, let me play it. So this is, this is, this is, this morning. Oh, fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. Do you know what it actually felt like? I was listening to it. How long is that? Three minutes. I can't. Listen. It actually felt like what was going on in my head.

That's why you need football. Exactly. That's what happens during international week and roll back his head. Get there, do that. Be a pirate. Do a gig. Go there. Recall this. Recall that. See, like, go to Chesham. Go to Newbury. Go to Peterborough. Be it. Probably worse because those voices could be lifted heels. Don't run and run on the balls of your feet. Shot his back chin down. Picking your pants. Yeah.

fuck it out. It'll be fine. It's just life isn't it? It's just life. And you've been lost loose to do better. What's your life awake, can you? Because if anything, as you found out this week, it's fragile. Yeah. You know, one day, Rob, are we sitting there thinking you didn't know how good you had it when you're in that diversion?

You didn't know that that was actually the best period of your life. Exactly. When you were, Rob, when I was in the car this morning, I tried to do a formal apology to Rose for how angry I was. Are these angry at Rose? No, just at the world when I got back in. What did you say when you got in? When I was sat in the car, I never do this. I'm not a road rage guy. No. Just when you get home, classy. I was just in the car and I just was shouting as loud as I could. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Just sat in traffic, just so angry that I was just in this car and there's no way out when you're in traffic. No. I genuinely thought, just leave the car. What would happen if I just turned the car off and walked away? Like Michael Douglas in falling down. Just do it and blame that on the cloners.

You know, the number plate cloners. Blame it on them. They left their car in the middle of a fucking traffic. What are you doing today? Have you got any time? I'm doing this. And then I've got a meeting about the last like New Year's special. Nice. And then I've got to go back to our house because we didn't have time to probably bring stuff last night because it was late. And I've got to feed the hamster. I've got to quickly, I've left all the plates unwashed. So I've got to go up to the bath and wash the plates. Oh.

But Rob, be thankful. The first way to view this, Rob, is I'm going to have clean plates.

Those plates are going to be clean. No, I can't say fucking bin, I'm getting some new ones in the kitchen. You should have got paper plates when the kitchen's getting done. That's first roll. Well, Rob, we didn't. What we've got instead is the two drawers from our discontinued dishwasher. Well, you know, junk dishwasher that we fill up and then we carry the drawers from the dishwasher upstairs and wash them in the bath. That is such a sad image. Yeah.

And I can't tell you how dusty these stairs are. It's again dirty on the way out. It's just dust and cold and everything. Terrible time to get it done as well this time of year. Yeah, God, well, it's life. Will it be ready for... There's a possibility it won't be ready for you. And there is not that possibility, no.

Well, Christmas is six weeks away, isn't it? Yeah, it's going to be done in five. When you say done, it won't be done. Let me introduce you, my little friend and yours, Snaggin. Oh, I hate the Snaglist. I fucking hate the Snaglist. Snaggin, Rudy. Because what it is is you get there, you'll be in there for a week before Christmas in your nice new kitchen, and then you'll go to turn the plug on, and then it won't turn on. And I go, oh, yeah, that's on the list. I hate the Snaglist. I hate the Snaglist.

Life is just a fucking snagglist, mate. My whole life is a snagglist. Absolutely snaggadoodle. Right, okay, let's do Small Business Shoutout. Can I just say? No. Okay. Yes, of course. It's on the topic of Small Business Shoutout. The person we gave a shout out to last week, so it's only just gone out this morning, and this is 10.30. She texted me to say, thanks for the shout out. I've already had an inquiry from Bristol.

Isn't that nice? Our listeners are great. So let's keep going. Let's keep going with this small business show out. Yes. Let's do this. Hi, Robin Josh. Thank you for getting me through my journey to work. Your podcast makes my journey much more enjoyable. Please can I get a small bit of shout out for my cousin, Nick. He has an amazing small business, which I'm very proud of and what he's achieved starting this business up last year. Smart sweep is a Norwich based chimney sweep. Oh, yes, please.

providing a professional chimney sweeping service across Norfolk. Smart Sweep is approved by Hetas and certified by the Guild of Master Chimney Sweeps to ensure all customers receive an excellent service to the highest industry standard. Smart Sweep services include

Sweeping, servicing and maintenance of multi-fuel stoves, wood burners and open fires, chimney, camera inspections, chemical tar and creosote treatment, bird nest removal. Sweeping certificates. If you're looking for a chimney sweep is professional reliable and provides a first-class service, choose smart sweep. Facebook, facebook.com forward slash smart sweep, Norwich, Instagram smart dot sweep. There you go.

There we go. I love the niche ones. North of chimneys. Please let us know if you get it sorted by SmartSuite. If you get a good chimney, sweet Rob. That's good. They come back once a year. They sweep your chimney. It's a great, reliable job. I imagine it's quite seasonal. I haven't got a chimney. If you have got a chimney, recommend you do get it swept because otherwise you're looking at fires in your chimney. You've got a mucky pipe in the middle of you.

Can I just say, I've calmed down now and I should apologise to Rose because... What did you say to her? No, no, but I've just realised that I blabbered on about how difficult my week has been and it's been much worse for her.

because she's been, yesterday, when our son was ill, she was basically in our house, in the drafty awful house, looking after our real son, while I was complaining that I was having to do strictly and it takes to. So, yeah, formal apology. Formal apology, fair enough. But you did have to go to Cardiff. Yeah, but when I went to Cardiff, she had to put the kids to bed in a house that is a living hell. Fair enough. And you just had to sleep in a car? I just had to sleep in a car. I'd do 20 minutes work. Fair enough. Yeah.

Do you know what, Rob? Yeah. Let's end on that. My small business is life. Mums that are stuck at home while the dads complain that they're at work, like I'd have been doing.

There you go. That's my apology. That's my apology. That's your apology. Because you should get a break, don't you? Or dads that are at home while their moms are at work. Yeah. Not their moms. It depends on the work, doesn't it? Yeah. Because it is difficult. Learning to dance. That is a hard job. Well, you can't call strictly work. That's fun. Yeah, it is. I'd say 20 minutes in card if for energy suppliers, that was work. However, that was canceled out while getting to sleep in the car. Then again, when you're on the M4 at midnight,

I got back at two, Rob. At least it'd be warmer than your house. Anyway, I'm just going to leave this review before we finish. Your kitchen won't be finished completely for Christmas. See you next week, Josh. For fuck's sake.