(Rewind): Top 5 Dating Myths Holding You Back in Love

We might find someone great who is more confident than someone we've been with before. And now all of a sudden our insecurities are exposed and we need to grow in order to be with a person this confident.

Welcome to the Love Life podcast. It's me, Matthew Hussey. Enjoy this classic clip from our archives. And if you want to let me know what you think or how this podcast is helping you, don't forget to leave me a review on iTunes under the Love Life podcast. Enjoy. I'm here with my brother, Steve Hussey. It's been a while. Hello, Matt. You're back. I've come to visit the big guy in LA and he said, let's get you on camera. This video is... So here I am, baby.

Now this video is your idea. Yes, sir. And it contains five points. I'm already nervous about the length of the video. Okay, let's keep it really snappy. Five dating myths that are holding you back in love today.

Why today? Any day. I just want to contribute. The first one you wrote down was there aren't enough great people. Yes. So I think there's loads of growth-oriented people out there, people who read personal development, they work on themselves and they assume, well, I'm doing all this work on myself and there aren't enough other great people like me. And I think men and women have fallen into this trap. I think that we can get into a very arrogant place where

We assume that the opposite sex just aren't carrying their load. They're not trying. And actually, there's loads of men really, really trying. There's loads of women who are really, really trying. And I think you have to start humanizing people again. How do you do that? Get to know them better. You have to actually give people a chance. You can't just swipe left on everyone because they don't immediately match up to your lofty standards. You have to actually give people a chance. People are three-dimensional and allow yourself to be surprised.

Myth number two that Steve wrote down was that no one wants real commitment anymore. It's a choice to buy into that culture and I've done it as well. When you use these dating apps and things too much, you can just buy into this buffet mentality where you just assume that everyone is superficial, everyone's super shallow and no one wants anything real. I do think in some ways it's tougher today and I do empathize with being single but

It's not true that no one's looking for real commitment. There's plenty of people marrying, plenty of people coupling up. There's more than enough to go around. I think it's probably true that people are still willing to commit, but less are willing to settle. And that just means to be someone that someone goes for, we have to be great. Myth number three, the right person will accept you at your worst.

Now this is a tricky one because on one hand, I truly believe that we should be with someone who accepts us for us. I think that often gets confused with feeling like we have a right to bring our worst selves to the table and that if the person we're with can't handle that,

then that's their problem. We owe our partners better than our worst. When we find someone worth holding onto, we should be striving to bring our best. We'll often fail to bring our absolute best to someone, but that doesn't mean expecting that day after day we can be our worst and this person is supposed to be able to handle that and more be grateful for us in the process.

Myth number four, I'll never love anyone like that again. This is one of those mindsets that is incredibly destructive and it's easy to feel that way when you've just had a terrible breakup even a year after and you don't feel like you've replicated the same feelings as you had for the person before. But I think the truth is

The next person won't be the same as before. There'll be a different kind of unique, amazing, interesting connection. I think we get hung up on the person. So whilst it's true that the person we're with was unique, they had their own thumbprint that made them them.

People may not be replaceable, but feelings are. Instead of trying to replace the person, I think what we need to do is focus on replacing the feeling. And that's something that we might get on our own. It's something we might get from the next person. But you will feel those feelings again. All right, final myth. The right relationship should be easy. I get a bit sick of this one. Right, so you hear this a lot.

Yeah, the right relationship should be easy. I just don't think relationships are easy. I think everything's hard. Business. You want to make a great business? That's hard. You want to make a great relationship? That's hard. Even if you're with the right person, there's challenges. There are ways that a relationship forces you to grow. Love calls on you to be your best self. There's nothing easy about being your best self. Now, what we have to make a distinction between is the right kind of hard and the wrong kind of hard.

Because something can be hard for the wrong reasons. Because someone is toxic. Because someone's bringing you bad energy. Because someone's holding you down. Being controlling. Being this. It can be hard for the wrong reasons. And sometimes that means walking away. But it can also be hard for the right reasons. Like you're being challenged.

to grow or you have your demons that this relationship is calling to the forefront. Yeah, and relationships expose you, right? They expose you to parts that you've ignored of yourself. They hold up a mirror. And so we might find someone great who is more confident than someone we've been with before. And now all of a sudden our insecurities are exposed and we need to grow in order to be with a person this confident.

That doesn't mean run away. That means this is going to be a challenge, but it's going to make me better. So relationships shouldn't just be easy. Sometimes the right relationships are uniquely challenging, but it needs to be challenging for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.

Thanks for listening, everybody. Before you go, if you haven't already watched my masterclass, my free masterclass dating with results, go check it out. It is a one hour free training, my most popular free training of all time. Over a million people have now been through this. That's literally over a million people have now been through this.

And if you haven't seen it, it is packed with advice on how you can start making real progress in your love life this year. Go over to datingwithresults.com to watch that right now. As I said, it's completely free. You can be watching it in the next 30 seconds and you're missing out if you don't see it. So go to datingwithresults.com. I'll see you in the next episode. Be well and love life.