Reneé Rapp ON: How to Break the Patterns of Negative Self Talk & Ways to Stop Using External Judgement to Measure Your Achievement

Navigating success and visibility can be both exciting and challenging. Renee Rapp, the guest on the podcast, shares her experience of reaching new levels in her career and the accompanying anxiety that comes with it. She highlights the importance of letting go of how others perceive her and embracing the choices she has made for a visible life. Jay Shetty, the host, adds that career advancements and level-ups may appear orchestrated from the outside, but they are often organic and natural. This conversation reminds us that growth and change can be both thrilling and overwhelming, and it's essential to find ways to manage the external pressures while staying true to oneself.

Reneé Rapp struggles with anxiety and the fear of disappointment, which affects her ability to fully enjoy and celebrate her achievements. She has a tendency to anticipate negative outcomes before they even happen, in order to prepare herself for potential disappointment. While this mindset may provide some sense of control and protection, it also prevents her from fully embracing positive experiences and living in the present moment. Reneé recognizes that her anxieties continue to flare up, even after being in the industry for a long time. She is torn between wanting to enjoy life and the constant fear of being let down. It is important to find a balance between being prepared for the worst while also allowing oneself to experience joy and celebration.

Reneé Rapp has become more aware of how she is perceived, which has made her more nervous about embarking on her music career. She used to be carefree and hungry to pursue music, but now she feels the pressure and is hypercritical of herself. However, when she is in the creative process, she is able to block out outside opinions and focus on doing her best. Her biggest critic is herself, and she often doubts her abilities and worries that others are making mistakes by working with her. Despite these insecurities, her drive, resilience, fear of failure, and the desire to prove herself to her supporters keep her going. These characters in her head represent different versions of herself, including her audacious goals from childhood which she still repeats every day.

Many individuals, like Reneé Rapp, struggle with the constant desire to be better and do better. Despite external accomplishments and praise, they still find themselves questioning their own abilities and feeling like they could have done more. This mindset, while it can drive self-improvement, can also be debilitating and drain one's energy. It is important to acknowledge and celebrate our achievements, even if they don't meet our own lofty expectations. Instead of focusing solely on what could have been done better, it is beneficial to embrace moments of success and use them as stepping stones for growth. Balancing self-improvement with self-compassion is essential for maintaining a healthy mindset.

Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones and embrace new opportunities, even if they make us feel insecure. Reneé Rapp initially felt scared and lacked confidence in acting, but it became a gateway for her to capture people's attention and pursue her musical aspirations. Despite her insecurities, she took a leap of faith and embraced the acting career. This story teaches us that when the doors to our goals don't open in the expected ways or at the expected times, it's essential to be open to pivoting and exploring new paths. Sometimes, the uncomfortable and unfamiliar can lead to incredible growth, meaningful experiences, and even the formation of lifelong friendships.

Reneé Rapp, despite expressing her insecurities openly through her music, still struggles with self-judgment and fear of how her message is received. She often doubts herself and critiques every aspect of her art, even though she knows it is an authentic reflection of her feelings. Reneé's ability to over communicate and share her vulnerabilities does not diminish her insecurities. However, she has a deep resilience that keeps her going even in the face of criticism and self-doubt. This resilience allows her to push through the metaphorical "winter" moments of her career and personal life, demonstrating her unwavering commitment to her passion for music.

Our sense of worthiness is often tied to the validation and approval we receive from others. Reneé Rapp shares that she feels worthy when the people around her are happy and proud of her. Although she acknowledges that this may not be ideal, she admits that it is her current reality. However, Jay Shetty highlights the beauty in this by pointing out that the fact that those people choose to be in her life shows that they see her as worthy. They are the ones who validate her worthiness. This conversation reminds us that while it's important to find internal validation and feel good about ourselves, it is also natural to seek validation from others. Finding a balance between both is a journey of resilience and self-discovery.

Resilience plays a significant role in Reneé Rapp's life. She experienced a difficult breakup after being in a series of relationships for five years. Seeking freedom, she found herself in a partying group that proved to be untrustworthy. One night, she woke up alone in a bathroom stall, drugged and confused, with no memory of the previous seven hours. Despite the shock and confusion, she eventually opened up about the incident and decided to write a song about it. However, constant retelling of the story made her hesitant to write the song. Nevertheless, with the support of Alexander, she finally found the courage to address her experiences through music.

Trust and resilience are important aspects of navigating challenging experiences. Reneé Rapp shares her journey of writing an album and song about an unexplained event in her life while feeling disconnected and unsure. Despite her initial trust in a group of people, she realizes that they didn't value her friendship or safety when she needed it the most. This realization leads her to disconnect from them and focus on her own growth and healing. The conversation highlights the significance of being cautious with trust and surrounding oneself with individuals who genuinely care and value one's well-being. It also emphasizes the strength and resilience it takes to confront difficult situations and move forward.

Reneé Rapp has become adept at letting go due to past experiences of being hurt and betrayed. She values her current circle of friends and doesn't feel the need for toxic relationships or risky situations. Jay Shetty supports the idea of wanting to party and have fun as long as the intention is to enjoy life and not avoid dealing with emotions. Reneé acknowledges that she moved on quickly and brushed off her negative experiences in order to avoid appearing vulnerable or admitting that something bad happened to her. However, she has now become more honest and discerning in her friendships, no longer seeking everyone's approval. This conversation highlights the importance of self-growth, learning from past experiences, and surrounding oneself with supportive and trustworthy individuals.

Art can have a powerful impact on individuals, allowing them to connect and relate to their own experiences. Reneé Rapp wanted her song to have its own existence, separate from her personal story, so that people could interpret it and have their own emotional reactions. While she struggled between not wanting anyone to know the true meaning behind the song and feeling a desire for revenge, she found solace in the fact that her art resonated with others who have gone through similar situations. Through their shared experiences, Reneé and these individuals found a sense of understanding and support without needing to explicitly discuss their struggles. This conversation highlights the importance of art as a medium for connection and healing.

Building independence and self-reliance in our loved ones is crucial for their personal growth and development. Jay Shetty intentionally gave his sister space to develop her own skills and tools, allowing her to become independent and self-sufficient. He recognized the importance of not relying solely on him for support and wanted to ensure that she had the necessary tools to navigate life on her own. Similarly, Reneé Rapp shared her desire for her brother to overcome self-doubt and stop beating himself up. She emphasized the importance of not wanting anyone to go through the exhausting experience she had of constantly criticizing herself. This conversation emphasizes the value of empowering others to become self-sufficient and confident in their abilities.

Self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and relationships. Reneé Rapp reflects on her journey and shares how she is learning to be less self-centered and more present for others. She acknowledges the tendency to internalize conversations and make them about herself, even when someone is sharing their own experiences and emotions. Rapp recognizes the negative impact this has on her ability to truly listen and show support. In her quest to unlearn this behavior, she emphasizes the importance of being fully present and attentive to others. This conversation highlights the need to shift focus away from oneself and towards actively engaging with others, fostering deeper connections and understanding.

Personal growth involves a continuous process of learning and unlearning. Reneé Rapp acknowledges the importance of giving herself grace and practicing internal patience, while also recognizing the need to set boundaries with people who have hurt her. She emphasizes that navigating challenging aspects of life, such as eating disorders and sexuality, requires embracing the gray areas. For Reneé, eating disorders are an ongoing struggle that she must constantly manage, as the necessity to eat is a constant reminder. In terms of sexuality, she acknowledges the fluidity of her identity and the importance of allowing herself the freedom to redefine labels as needed. This conversation highlights the need for self-acceptance, flexibility, and ongoing introspection in the journey of personal growth.

It's okay to not have all the answers or fit into a neat box. Society often pressures us to choose one right answer and conform to certain labels or expectations. However, it's important to embrace the gray areas and allow ourselves to navigate through life without constantly seeking validation or a specific identity. Just like how straight people don't question their level of straightness every day, it's okay for others to not have a clear-cut label or understanding of themselves. Embracing and accepting our emotions, vulnerabilities, and mistakes is crucial for personal growth and self-love. It's okay to be emotional, to care deeply, and to explore our own unique journeys without worrying about fitting into societal norms.

Embracing and expressing our emotions in a healthy way can have a profound impact on our well-being and relationships. Reneé Rapp emphasizes the importance of being true to how we feel, whether it is positive or negative. She shares her journey of learning to control her anger and finding ways to cope with her intense emotions without harming herself. Reneé also emphasizes the significance of surrounding oneself with people who allow us to feel and validate our emotions, while also recognizing the need to consider the impact of our emotions on the people we love. Ultimately, the key lesson is that cultivating a compassionate and understanding environment can contribute to a more harmonious society, fostering empathy and reducing hate.