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Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to all state and reported savings savings berry This is a headgum podcast Pretty little episode
Welcome to the Purdue episode. I'm your host, Fortune Feemster, joined of course by me, Mae Martin. Mae Martin, buddy, you have been
going through it. They're in Toronto filming crazy scenes. I don't know what in the world you are in right now. I know. And then I don't want to give spoilers and stuff. But when I talk about it, it reminds me of like my mom was writing this book for a while and she would drop things and be like,
I was reading a newspaper article where a guy in Japan hid an accomplishing toilet and filmed women. And then she go, oh, something similar happens in my book. And we'd all be like, what is this book about? And that's kind of what it feels like when I tell you guys about the show, I'm like, I'm filming this thing. And it's like, what is this show? I don't really know anymore. Also, you have to really love
What's the word? Butthole's vaginas to hide in compost and to see it. It's such a very close up angle. I think it's seeing its darkness. I think it's about more than just liking, but like to me that feels like you like getting peed and put on. I can't believe this is where we're made.
He was in a wetsuit. This is a true story. Well, that is helpful, but yeah, that's a weird kink. I'm glad I'm very not into that stuff, but that is funny that your mom's like very similar to my book. Yeah, it'll be random things. It'll, yeah, she'll see like a pigeon eating sort of an old dumpling on the street. She'll be like, it makes me think of my book. I'm like, what is happening in this book? Yeah, we're both creative writers in that way.
I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. How are you? How's the fam? What's going on? Everybody's good. I just got back from a friend's birthday trip. Birthday trip is like a trip bold. Yeah. It's super fun, but also a lot of people. Right. And did you know it? Did you know all the other people?
Um, I know, I knew them, but not everybody's super well. So Jackson and I were the friends trying to like, mind our peas and kids and like, say, I didn't need anything, you know, what can we help with? Like, you don't want to be like the two people. Everyone's like, God, they haven't done anything. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Clean up after dinner, you know, something like that. Oh, I know. I know. I know. I think that big groups breathe that kind of thing. Of course. And so did this. And even if people say they're not, there's someone there who's got an internal list of who brought what, who did what? Yes. Yeah. Who's contributed, who's paid for what, who's cleaned, who hasn't, and we didn't want to be.
the bad ones. I'm always like, just tell me what to do because I just won't think of it. We're all good. I'm just having a nice time, but it's not that I don't want to help and contribute. Like I went on one group trip and then everyone was packing up to leave. And I guess I was like, I got to go quickly do a spell.
I wrote I had decided like that on this weekend I was gonna write down my wishes It was a new moon buried that it under a plant. Okay, so I'm like in my mind That's a priority. So we're like all packing up. I'm like, oh Gotta remember so I leave the spell Yeah, and then on the ride home everyone is real quiet because I guess they've been cleaning the whole Airbnb and I've been like I just didn't even think of it
But they're like soap, totally they were pissed because everyone's cleaning and you're outside just like, you know, doing like a magic trick. Yeah, but to me it is equally important. They're like, but it's not. I'm like, we're all going to benefit from the spell guys. Like, what is the benefit of, why do you get in the trip with a spell? Please tell me first and our listeners.
Well, I don't know. In this particular case, I think it was a new, I mean, what if we're living in a simulation and all of reality is just based on our intention? Okay. So if you're going, Hey, my intention is this, this is what I want. I don't know. I sound really spiritual these days. I'm really, you know,
Well, when I think of spells, I guess I'm thinking of the TV version where I'm putting a spell on you. Like a curse or love potion.
No, I would love it. Either one, they can go either way, but a spell I don't think of in terms of like, we had a great weekend and let me close this. Let me close this weekend with a mantra, prayer, whatever. Yeah, a reflection, but really truly in my mind, it was like, okay, Rose is doing the dishes, Camille's emptying the garbage is made through the spell. Like I was like,
I'm an important part of this and now it may have not been invited back to a group trip since. Seriously. I used to be the person and I probably still guilty of this in the same light. Tell me what you need tell me what to do I'll do it and.
I've learned from Jax to be a little bit more proactive because she's super proactive. So yeah, I was trying to be like cleaning up more and unloading the dishwasher more and oh, we don't have ice. Let's get some ice at the store, that kind of thing.
Yeah, I was pretty proud of myself. Now, I haven't taken a poll from the whole group. Maybe they feel differently. There's a WhatsApp group that you're not on called processing fortunes. That's right. But it was fun. But I am so glad to be home. Not anything to do with that. I just was not anticipating going on a trip. That was very last minute. Oh, and I was like in the mode of like,
home from filming after five months back from Europe. I had this about a time between my next tour. I'm so pumped to be home and I was like, oh, I got away again. Yeah. So, but now I'm home.
I'm excited to get into a routine. Yeah, I'm excited for you. I'm excited for you being excited for me. And we're excited for what? What questions? From our pretty little handsome listeners. This is literally the perfect lead in for this question.
Oh, great. Is it about spells? You'll see. I'll put a spell on you. Did you ever listen to that song? Did I ever, back in the first version? Because you're my heart. Is that the words? I don't know. Yeah.
Hi, Handsome Pod. This is Ryan Antia, and we live in Nashville, Tennessee area. Hi. And our question for you is if you have any fun little parody songs that you like to sing around the house, either to other people that live in your house with you or to yourself.
Found little parody songs. Because I started doing musical comedy where I would change the lyrics to existing songs. But then I heard some interview with one of my favorite comedians being like, that's the lowest form of comedy. I was like, oh no. So I used to have a ton of like, you know, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. So I had feed me paws, feed me, check any paws.
So stupid. And I had a song about Don Cheadle and having sex with Don Cheadle. Oh, fantasy. And it was to the tune of what's going on. I can't do it now. Don Cheadle. I have sex with me like that. It was like, and so I wake, because I saw him filming a movie on the roof beside my apartment, basically. So then I wrote this fantasy about like,
I can't actually remember the bass thing in the morning and I look outside and done cheetos on the roof and it looks so high. I want them at the top. Done cheetah right now. Pretty much. Yeah, and it got pretty graphic and then we're done.
Oh, yeah. Don Cheadle and me. It doesn't around, but you know, it's a working. You have the energies on there. It's horny as hell. And then somebody sent it to his agent, like someone who knew his agent personally, and then put this out, this song out. I did it live and filmed it, and I had a video of it, and then someone sent it, and then Don Cheadle actually responded to me, and he sent me a photo of him watching me sing it, and he's like making his face like, what the fuck?
And then we kind of used to tweet at each other back and forth. And then this was like 15 years ago or more. And cut to last year, I'm backstage at a kind of event. I look over, he's wearing a COVID mask, but I'm like unmistakably, that's cheetah.
And I thought he's not going to remember like, I mean, I look totally different now, but I'm like, I have to say something because I love Don Cheadle. Yeah. And so I went off. And yeah, right. He's so effortlessly cool. And he was with his wife and I go up and I go, Hey, I'm so sorry. You're not going to know who I am. And he goes, I know who you are.
I went, I just need to tell you, I'm not creepy and weird. And he was like, no, I got it. It was funny. And then I said, that we chatted for ages. Oh, look at that. Yeah. Anyway, that's my story. I love it. Well, you're singing non-stop. I'm singing all the time, but I don't know if it's a parody. The first thing that, you know, more the classic, it's not a parody, but my friend's song from the ground legs back door, but I sing that more than sing it to yourself. Oh, yeah.
And now Giggle. It's the same as a front hole, but it won't put a baby in the oven. Is there a parody song? I don't know that I have an actual parody. No, you're just singing like beautiful covers of existing songs. What I do is I sing songs and I often am singing the wrong words. Right. And then does Jax correct you? No, because she knows none of the lyrics.
Oh, right. I at least know like 80% of the song. Right. Do you ever sing something when you want to give criticism or feedback, but you don't want it to be too biting. So you're like, can you throw your garbage?
Like people do that possibly aggressively, right? I'm sure they do. I haven't done that before, but I sing and don't even know that I'm singing. Yeah. I was singing with someone recently that this is a humble brag, but the, you know, the band, the chicks. Too high.
I was singing, I got them to sing on karaoke their own song. Yes. Amazing. They were hesitant. They're like, you don't want to hear that. I go, I 100% want to hear that. That's all anyone want. And they're like, not it. I go, yes. So we went and sang from the first album, like the classics.
Oh, man. And I was like nervous because I was like, oh, God, they're going to be looking at me singing to them their own song. What if I don't know all the lyrics? Well, don't get me started. And I messed up a couple, but I was really I was locked in as much as I could be looking at me.
And we're saying, there's a trouble, there's a trouble, keep seeing double with the wrong one. I like that. Classic country from the 90s. I need to get into their music more. I'm going to do a deep dance. All their amazing, their latest album, Gaslighter, because they've, you know, gone far away from country for a long time now, but they still, Emily and Marty play those amazing instruments. So it always has like,
A hint of that because it has banjo and they have fiddle. But man, that album is really, really good. You got to listen to it. Okay. I will. But anyway, I didn't answer the question because I don't have a parody song, but I love to sing. So I think the butthole song counts. Thank you. Should we have a friend? Should we hear with these friends? Yeah. Ryan and Nashville. We sure should.
Our answer for this is Handsome Pod related and it's for our dog. We like to sing Scratch in the head of a handsome dog kissing the face of a handsome dog. That's so good. I love that.
You have to sing that to Biggie scratching the head of a handsome dog. Biggie, you want to hit... Look, he's right here on the desk. Oh my God. Scratch in the head of a handsome dog. Scratch in the head of a handsome dog. Scratch in the head of a handsome dog. That's really good.
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Thanks for the question, Ryan. Yeah, let's keep them coming. Hi, Hansoms. Take 27, pretty little lady here. My name is Jana. I am from May's hometown of Toronto. I've been lucky enough to meet you in the past. Yes. Take, I don't want you to feel left out at all. Hopefully one day our paths will cross too, but love you guys all. I do have a question.
Do you have any irrational fears, something that has no bearing as to why you should or would be afraid of it? It's completely irrational, but you are afraid.
Interesting. This isn't like a... It's a fear in a different sense of the fear you're thinking of, but I have something very irrational that gives me the willies. Anytime I tell people about it, they're like, what? And I'm like, I know. It's so stupid. I've had this since I was a kid.
I think it's mental at this point and it's not changing, but I cannot stand the feeling of. I'm scared.
biting into a strawberry. Oh, I know you said this. He's tiny little seeds. Yes. OK, I did not like make me a bloop. I if I see like a blender with a like a bunch of blackberries or strawberries and the seeds are at the bottom like I'm I can't even look at it. I'm like, wow, get away from me.
That feels like past life shit. Because it makes no sense. No, it doesn't. It feels like you caught some illness from a raspberry seed. I can't even... The thought of biting down on those hard little seeds, I have a fear of that. I'm going to accidentally just chomp on a bunch of seeds. I'm like, oh, God.
I get that. So that's like a visceral, my one like that is people touching my face. Like if I'm in love with you, touch my face, please, as much as you want, as much as you can. But like friends who like, or randoms who just put their hands on your face, I'm like, get your hands off me. I hate people touching my face. Even like in massages and stuff, I say, don't touch my face. I say, yeah, I do the no face thing too.
No face. And then also, I don't like the smell of people blow drying their hair in the change room. I don't want to smell your... Both these things, I don't want it unless I'm in love with you. So I don't want to smell your hot head if I'm not in love with you. You know what I mean? Yeah. But other than that, I fear deep water, which is rational, I think. That is rational for sure. Because I fear sharks, but that's also rational because they keep biting everyone lately.
Yeah i fear death if you're dying alone i feel if you're all those things but they're that's normal. Yeah absolutely so nothing rational about that except i guess it is irrational that we like it's way more dangerous to cross the street. But we're like sharks are really a threat why do you say that of their home.
Yeah, I mean, I say on the beach and I look at their home. Really? You don't want a beautiful home you have and I don't go in it. That's my thing because we are technically going into their home. Yeah, I'm going, oh, it's me.
Oh, that's true. What if they had a little sign on their shark home that said bite first, ask questions later. That's right. Or it says bite me. Yeah. Can I quickly say, I don't know if this, I think it's a different Janna who left this question, but there's a person in Toronto called Janna Watson.
And basically, one day, I'm walking down the street. I hadn't been home in a long time, a couple years, walking down the street. I see who should step in front of me, Janewatson. I go, oh my God, Janewatson, it's so good to see you. I give her a hug. She's like a little standoffish. And I'm like, listen, I'm in town for a couple of weeks. It'd be great to see you. Let's get together. She walks away. As she walks away, I realize I've never met her. That's not her. No, it is her. It is her. I've just seen her in the Instagrams of my friends. She's not my friend.
I just know her so well from my other friends' Instagrams, and I'm like, oh, Jana Watson, yeah. That is hilarious. And she was like, yeah, I guess we'll hang out. She was like, OK, nice to meet you for the first time. Yeah, yeah. I just love that you know everyone's first and last name. Got to. Ian Peach. Ian Peach.
My irrational fear is downward escalators. I'm fine with escalators going up, but escalators going down, I always hesitate taking that first step and I wait for the perfect step before I step on. I get that. Those are some people get stuck about it. It's scary. You want me to give you a new irrational fear? Sure.
Maybe it's rational after I tell you this. Apparently, a lot more elevators than you realize aren't there when the door opens. What do you mean? And you just step in and it's not there? Yes. Oh, my Lord. You're welcome. New irrational fear. God. I don't know the stats on it. I can't give you a may fact.
But it's a lot more than you think. I've heard A, you should always look when you press elevator button to make sure the elevator is there, because it does happen where it's just not there. People walk and that does happen. Now, I don't think it's like, this numbers are like crazy high. I just know it happens. Sure. So just look. Okay. But the thing that happens, I think more frequently than that, because that's not as frequent, but it happens.
is when you put your arm in to stop the elevator, and we all trust that the sensors are gonna stop. The stat on that, I don't have the actual stat, is that oftentimes the sensors, it doesn't stop. It doesn't work, so it just closes and then rips your arm. There are a bunch of people who've lost limbs.
Again, I don't know the stats. So is it 1 in 20, 1 in 1,000? I don't know. Guess how many people die every year from champagne cork? How many? 24. Whoa, that's average. And that's such a preventable death. And also, how are they dying? Is the cork just going right into the...
Right? Yeah, I don't really get it. But here's what you should do. Point it away from you or put a towel over it. But what if you point it away? It flies off, it hits the chandelier, chandelier falls, crushes you. New irrational fear unlocked.
It flies off. It severs a string that's holding up an anvil that you had as a decorative anvil hovering over your bed. I also saw what someone wants. You know, the manual wine openers where you twist it and then you turn kind of Jimmy at the cork out. Yeah. Saw someone opening the wine, Jimmy it out. She had it under her face. She goes, boom, with the wine thing chipped.
Her whole. I mean, you'll live through that. It's just not pretty. It's not pretty. And she almost said, oh, he's falling out. It's a big like a Jim Carrey do. You know, yeah. Got that like. I think she really did that for real. Yeah. He has a chip tooth and he took the whatever for that for a dumber dumber. Yeah. Mm hmm.
So there you go. If you didn't have those fears before, you're welcome. You're welcome. You got a whole batch of new worries. Remember worry dolls? You put them on your pillow, little worry dolls. I feel like parents used to instead of paying for therapy for their kids, they'd give them a little bag of worry dolls and you put them under your pillow and they soak up your worries. Never heard of that. But I like that. Yeah. Well, let us be your worry dolls. Tell us your problems and we'll make you worry more.
Yeah. Thank you so much for sending them in. Keep sending them. You can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod if you want to submit a question to get one of us handsome folks to potentially answer it. You can also pick up some merch if you're in the mood at handsomepod.com. We got new stuff, autumnal stuff, autumnal autumnal.
Yeah, get that. Yeah, go shirt and get that hoodie. I'm, I'm waiting on my hoodie so I can rock it. It's the weather finally changed here. Oh, really? And it feels like fall. Man, the leaves are into it. Like bright red leaves in Toronto. It's so nice. I love it. Well, this has been such a treat chatting with you, my friend. Always a treat scratching the head of a handsome dog. Thank you, snoring. Aw.
Awesome. Well, thank you guys so much for tuning in. We hope you have an awesome rest of your day. And don't forget to check out all three of us next Tuesday on the Handsome Pod. And until then, keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod.
What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!
Home insurance can feel really complicated. But here's the simple part. You want the best insurance at the best price available. Allstate knows that. They make it easy to sign up for a new policy or switch from an existing one. If you own a home, Allstate can help. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate.
Not available in every state, based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to all state and reported savings. Savings vary.
