PMQs (with Screen Rot's Jacob Hawley)

Am I tough enough? Strong and stable leadership. Hell yes, I'm tough enough. Shut the fridge. Not another one. It's the Molotin Show. F*** cast. Love podcast, ain't nonsense. It's the politics show, podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Come on, let's go. Paul Jo X, screen rot. Jacob, welcome. Hello. You're right. Thank you very much for having me. It's great. It's great. We brought in political, heavyweight, big guns, PMQ's reaction. You excited to talk about promises, questions?

I'm a bit nervous. I don't have much confidence in my own politics. Do you know what I mean? How do you feel about things? Well, it's just what it means. I've both got an algorithm that is increasingly right-wing.

And I can't tell whether that's the way Twitter's going or whether that's you. Yeah. I genuinely trust the algorithm more than my personality now. And I do worry that some of the things that I think about, you know, like electroscooters and stuff like that, I worry where that sits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like pro or con?

I'm very anti scooter. But you are a bit right. That's not funny. I read that on the internet. I read that you don't like men's mental health. That one is so serious.

Seriously held belief. No, but I'm with you on that as well. I think I think they're being funny about it, but I would also say The second half of the program is about loneliness. Yeah. Yeah, it's they're not only because they're always fucking squawking about their men's men Yeah, exactly and you're talking about that for a bit, but I am yeah, I am less confident about the

the politics stuff now. Because I did just work like there are so many things that I think and I don't know where it sits on the spectrum and because this is what would happen. Do you know what I mean? When I look at what's happening in my life, I should be going right with. Do you know what I mean? I've got kids, I might have to move out of London soon, economic reasons. I'm going bald.

That's why I've bleached it. I hide the temples. Because it's closer to your natural skin tone. Yes, and it is. The people look and they go, is that skin? Who knows? I went through superdrug and I tried to find Caucasian for this.

for the concert. This is, this is, this is well a caucasian. The one thing, okay, so I dated, when I was younger, I always dated men who were over 40, I just did. And so I feel like I've seen so many men lose their hair and go through that process. And now it's happening to like my friends. I don't know if I could do it again. What you did with your, the way you did your, like my friends. Now it's coming from my people. Yeah.

It's terrible. If I could have anticipated that I would witness or bear witness to that meltdown twice in my life at two periods, I just I don't think I would. But then it will keep like you you'll never escape. It will keep happening. I'm already my sons too. I'm already looking at his temples. Really? Do you know what I mean? I'm thinking do you start regaining early? Is that like? Yeah. Alpersand stuff. Have you got if you got a boy?

Yeah, a girl. A girl, see, safe. One other girl, safe, no worries. With the boy, I'm already looking thinking, is this a song of things to come? Yeah. But yeah, no, I worry. I'm less confident with politics nowadays, because I think the lamest thing in the world is people who claim to be politically homeless. Do you know what I mean? I think that's really like... Pick a lane. Yeah. It's a bit offensive to people who are homeless, is that what you mean? I've seen people say that, and that's pathetic.

What's his name? I think if you're insecure about your politics, what better idea than coming on a politics podcast? And spending an hour talking about politics. I thought I'd come on here and by the end I'd know who to vote for. That's my plan, is that you're going to tell me?

I think, you know, those personality tests you get online. Yeah. It's a big test of politics. Okay. Just before we start, you know, on your algorithm, we were talking about being curated to you. That's right. There's just a wonderful moment. A few years ago, where an MP stood up in Parliament and he said that he was outraged at how many adverts he was getting for porn while he was on the Parliament to his state. And it was gently pointed out to him that you received those adverts because you've been going on those websites. That's how cookies work. Yeah. It's good stuff. Real good stuff.

Should we do it? Should we do it? Should we do it? Should we do it? Do PMQs? Ready? You ready for it? Roll a clip. Mr Speaker, yesterday the Prime Minister set his growth test. He said, if a policy is good for growth, the answer is yes. If it's not, the answer is no. This morning, the Chancellor embraced a series of Conservative policies, although many are welcomed, they will take years to deliver.

Mr Speaker, when conservatives left office, we had the fastest economic growth in business. But what is the government doing for growth now? It's destroying it. Let's look at the employment bill. The government's own figures say it will cost business £5 billion a year. It clearly fails the Prime Minister's growth test. Will he drop it?

Mr Speaker, I think the proposition they left the Golden Inheritance was tested on the 4th of July.

but she asked what we're doing. The ONS say we've got the highest investment for 19 years. PWC, second best place to invest in the world. IMF upgrading growth predicted fastest growing major economy in Europe, wages up, inflation down. Mr Speaker, there's more to do with reforming planning and regulation, building the new homes that we need, supporting a third runway at Heathrow. As she admitted to CBI in November,

There's no point me just complaining about labour, she said. It's obvious that we conservatives have lost the confidence of business. We're not taking lectures from them. We're not taking lectures from them. I like him. Well, OK, so you can vote for him. Yeah, well, I did. I did. You're looking for other options now. You're open. I think she's quite good at speaking, but just not in that room. Do you know what I mean? For me, she is so ready for GB news.

I think she's going to be class, and she's definitely the... This is the audition. I think that's where she's going to go. And I think she's going to be really, really good at it. Maybe that's the future of the Conservative party. It's like Pop Idol. It's like the winner at the end of it gets to become host like the headline show on GBNET. I think this is, without wanting to go like, without wanting to take us away from that and go into sort of broader stuff really quickly. This is probably last time it's going to be them against Labour.

Do you reckon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think in a few years' time, the PMQs will be between a reform leader and a labour leader. Would you agree? I think he's undersold how much he knows. I think you've come in. Look, two different parties, maybe, although for one of them, who knows? No, it's like this is the last time. Would you agree with that? It's most likely that. Ava certainly does.

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I completely agree with that. I will not expand further. There's the line. Look, I think there's obviously there's a long time until the next. It's certainly feasible. And is Kemi Bader not the type of leader who could turn it around? I don't think so.

But turn it around to what, because if you follow what she's been talking about for the past couple of days, specifically the broadcast round she did on Sunday, she's essentially doing Reformed Light. Now, why would anyone want to be in Reformed Light when they could be in Reformed? Full fat, yeah. You've got a Cog Zero, you wish it was a Cog, don't you? Are you fat? Everyone who comes on this podcast.

That shaves me. I'm not sure that's what was happening then. I thought it was, Laura, did you think it was? Yeah, exactly. Well, no, quite. And I think you can go one step further and you talk about stammer, right? And it's, if you keep pandering to the extreme right of politics, all you're really doing is giving more saliency and more airtime to the issues that they care about.

And so any voter who, you know, if someone wants to act tough on immigration or on privatization or, you know, bursaries for nurses, reform policy, anyone, anyone who likes those ideas, I could.

have the sort of labour version of what reform does, or I could just go full send and have the full fat coke version, right? That's the point that she was trying to make there. Can we bade not that? So what she's trying to argue is that labour is conservative light. So today Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor, has given this big speech in which she's announced we're going to be the European Silicon Valley. We're also going to have a third runway at Heathrow and she's given the green light to this new stadium for Man United.

And what Kevin Badenock is arguing is that those are all conservative policies, and then it's just been rebranded under the red banner. It's so misplaced, this argument. It's extraordinarily misplaced. It's like over the last 14 years, the sort of decay and stagnant growth in our economy, to make the argument that essentially you're just doing what the conservatives did. No, I completely have just changed my mind.

That is brilliant play. Are you joking? Well, you think it's 4G chess. That is 4G chess. Why? Go on. She's saying, look, these were all our ideas and look how crap it was. And you guys are bad at it too. And you're doing it again. Yeah, mate. You're in the doomy. Maybe that's what she's doing. Yeah. You mentioned Heathrow. I'm surprised she didn't make all of this about Heathrow, about the third runway at Heathrow, because Starmer used to oppose it, now he supports it.

Sadik Khan came out minutes after Rachel Reeves said that she was going to support it, and he opposes it. There's splits within labour on the issue. There's a lot of conservative heritage in opposing that third runway, the expansion of Heathrow. So I'm almost amazed that she looked the other way. I'm going to do the employment rights bill.

We were discussing this before, weren't we? And we were trying to decide whether it was because conservatives are typically not in my backyarders and so they wouldn't want something that is so noise polluting in anywhere near their constituencies because people won't vote for them if they green light it. Near the rest of the busiest airport in Britain. It was so quiet. It was so quiet next to Heathrow before that fucking third one.

And the M25. Oh, and the M4. Am I supposed to hear my wind chimes over the third plane flying to America? The first two, it was managed like a just about here at 90 more. Yeah, no, I do. I think it's, I think I was perplexed. I was perplexed. The other side of the argument of why they wouldn't be anti-it because you look at, you're that goldsmith, so you're Boris Johnson, who always opposed a third runway because of climate, the climate agenda. The conservatives can't oppose it because then they would be anti-business.

Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. But you said this on the pod a couple of weeks ago about aviation fuel and how it's becoming more sustainable. And I looked into it and, you know, you weren't lying. It's true. I know. I don't know why I get so much. I always get told I'm lying.

What does this serve me? Do you think I'm getting paid by like BP? Shill, corporate shill. By law, right? By the time that third runway is there, something like I think it's 22% of all the jet fuel from flights out of the UK is going to have to be from this new sustainable, I think they call it SAF, don't they? It's from Biodes, all right? It's like cooking off products, farm waste, et cetera, that they turn into fuel.

So yes, OK, fine. It's not going to be 100% completely green, but it part of moves towards more sustainable aviation. So it's not as simple as going more flights equals more pollution. Yeah, but that's what Sadiq Khan's argument is. He says that there's been great strides in sustainable fuel, but it's not quite there yet. So he wouldn't he wouldn't ever want to sign it off. By the way, that press release was ready to go because she they confirmed that third runway and that press release was like in inboxes. He'd been waiting.

He's anti it big time. What do you think third runway? Um, I like some of the things you're saying about the feel I'm fed up with that fucking crust. He's making me feel bad for all the day. Jesus. Yeah. Oh, mate. You're not thought about getting a train to Belgium. Fuck night. I want to get a nice chief easy get to me. You're also not the problem. I think that's so much. Yeah.

Second one. Second one. I hope it went so long for someone to say that. A break from the norm. Traditionally you are told that you are the problem. I feel it. I feel it. That felt good. Sorry.

The people who are the problem and the people who use flights to commute, right? So the people who are commuting up to Newcastle or Scotland or, you know, from London or down to Bristol. It's not the people who go on a holiday maybe once or twice a year. And also you are a vegan. So that is completely cursed. I was just going to just say... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't fuck it a little. I'm like, I'm going to be like that. I'm going to be fucking vegan.

I've got a reputation to uphold here. I do a lot of football podcasts. I'm not in a fucking vegan. So anyway, Jacob the vegan, it counts all out all of the... But you were saying, though, about like train holidays, and I've seen, there's an increasing trend now on, I think it's like food TikTok, food reels, where chefs and restaurateurs talk about how much they enjoy getting the Eurostar.

via Paris to then some other part of Europe and they kind of like have their lunch in Paris and then they get back on the train at the garden and then by the evening you know you're in the fucking vast country eating your pinch house and it's like ideal weekend you know ideal weekend if you only think about the meals

Do you know what I mean? It's like ideal meal times. This is exactly the six hours between meal times for shit. There's a reason there's not many pictures of that in the room. I had a great time. I had lunch in Paris. I had dinner in Belgium. What about in between, though? Yeah, yeah. A lot of shit cups of tea with no leg room, wasn't there? Tom carriage being like kicked by his brood of children. Yeah, balancing a suitcase on his skull. Yeah, exactly.

Another clip, should we keep plowing ahead? Yeah, I felt like I had more to say. Oh, Ava, please. No, don't let me cut you off. I was just going to ask Jacob if he thought it was cutting through when Badenock and other conservatives say things like, we left you the best economy of all time.

All right, see, I never know what to do with that when they say that, because I feel like every single government that gets in does this whole kind of gotcha thing where they go, you've left us no money, do you know what I mean? There was a thing about a post-it note in a drawer being like, good luck, there's no money left. Every government that comes in says that. Every government that comes in goes, what do you... But then we ought to do remember the Tories crashing the economy loads of times in the past few years. Do you know what I mean? They did do that a lot.

Like, how long did that geese last in his job? Do you have the chance, sir? Crazy quarter. Crazy quarter. Yeah. Was that like two weeks? Yeah. I think you maybe pushed a month. Do you think about, yeah, what would he have been, 40 days? Maybe a touch less, yeah. I was writing on mock the week at the time of people who were doing mock the week.

And he genuinely couldn't write the jokes quick enough before they got sacked. Like, for politicians, it was a really hard time to be a comedy writer because they kept fucking getting sacked. The writer's room is like finally just picking up the pace and then someone knocks at the door and he's like, no, he's just going, he's got him, yeah. Yeah, exactly, and everything's fucked.

We go again. He does, I get put on panels with him sometimes at ITV and he's also so rude every time he turns up because every single time he turns up, I have met him so many times, okay, innumerable amount of times. He calls me Amy every single time, Amy. And he also says, oh, graveyard shift this morning. And I'm like,

This is like prime time TV and you're like turning to me to be like, well, you're booked. So this must be like cancellation hour or like. Is there any other green room chat? Have you got anyone else who who's who's who's your dream? So you do you do a lot of like Jeremy Vine and stuff like that, right? Have you done Vine? Yeah, yeah. Question time. No. Have you done? Have you been on with Mike Porky Parry?

Oh yeah, I have, yeah. He's classy. Yeah, I think he's actually a really good time. I think he's a really good time. Oh, yeah, yeah. I had a round with him. Did you have a round with him? Did you have a round with him? Yeah. After Thomas Took, I got appointed.

He's like, this guy, he can argue anything. Well, you know. Who would have an hour? I tell you, I tell you right. He can do Thomas too. I've given you, I've told you. You know who, you know who, it was Mike Perry and it was about Thomas too cool. What do you think he said? Right, okay. German manager, you cannot have that in charge of England. No, no, not right. It's basically that, yeah. Will he sing the national anthem?

Yeah. There you go. It's like you can write it. I mean, I don't know him in a personal capacity, but it was quite a good fun arguing with him. Yeah. Porky. What was your argument? I assume you were on the other side of Porky. I assume it was you. We've been on the panel, yeah, three or four times, I think, on Vine together. I think he's quite a good fun. He just sort of, he really gets angry about things that you wouldn't imagine someone could get angry about. It's because we've been paid to. He doesn't care about anything. Well, I can confirm the fee is not that high. Really?

It's dirty work. It wasn't enough for you to get angry. After tax, that fee isn't really worth writing home about. He does it for the love of the game. He does it for the love of the game. Yeah, that's what I think. He's like a university debating champion. He's just never grown up. Because sometimes you'll do a panel. OK, so I have quite a robust set of rules about panels, which is that I am paid when I'm on air. And so I am not continuing this conversation when we get off air.

Unless it's constructive, it's actually interesting. Do people want to do that? Yes. And so, like, you might have, like, every now and again, you're going, like, politics live, right? And you actually have had, like, quite an interesting discussion with people. So, you'll come up there and you'll continue talking to them. Like, actually, that's an interesting idea. Let's exchange.

I was on once a show where there was this guy who describes himself as a menace and he came off air and he was just like yelling at me until I got into the taxi and just literally shut the door because I was like, you cannot be serious. You shut the door, he shut the door. I shut the door because I was just like, we're not paid anymore, pal. And then when we left, he was tweeting me all night, all night.

I mean, that is just love of the game, isn't it? That's a cause. He's got a cause there. The bad cause, but he's got a cause. I guess it does scan, though, doesn't it? It's like, you had something else to be doing. Yeah, yeah. There's an empty bedroom. It's funny about that. Who was it? Can you say? Very long story short, because I'm about to tell you afterwards. But OK, it's very long. This came back to me that basically someone I know went on a date with him off Hinge. Wow.

He went on a date with someone and literally the entire time just talked about what a dangerous woman I was. But I didn't reveal the name. And then at the end of the date was like, and it's his bitch called Ava Santina. And the girl was like, she's one of my friends. What do you mean? She doesn't want men to kill themselves. And he sort of was like, I guess it's another night. Another night back on Twitter, I guess.

That gave a certain scene on another failed date as a result of... He got the name right, though. She went on a second date after that with him, which I cannot believe. Friendship can't have meant that much. I think, well, it's that, and I also think there's probably like a hate fuck element. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. You've become much more conservative since having a child, you know that.

Well, are you voting intentions? Are you anti-E-scooters as well, brother? Are you? Welcome to the course. I've got some tweets about death penalties that I've read over the last week, but you might be really into it actually. No, I wrote them all. All my ults, all my burner accounts. No, I do think parenthood has the potential to be like the greatest conservative force, right? Because you're all of a sudden you care about

like education and crime in a way that you probably didn't before. You care about housing the way you didn't before to make it serious for a second, sorry. But I, E-Scooters... No, I'm pro E-Scooter. Really? Yeah. Why? Which is convenient, isn't it? There's loads of things at convenient we can't have. Do you know what I mean? I could list off a load of things that are convenient. Go on then. It would be dangerous to others. Go on then. All right, drivers, if you want, start ignoring red lights.

that that that that that that that that that that's a real do we need to know what the fucking scooters are doing. That's not a fucking that's how the scooters live. First of all, that's not convenient because he really did you there. No, he didn't. It's convenient to have like a car crash. That's okay. I'll be clear. I could run headlights regularly. I do not.

I do not think the e-scooter should run red lights, but they did. That's not an e-scooter problem. That's a rider problem. I don't think the tiger should bite people. He's done you again. Tony's hungry. Talk to the tiger if you want. I think if you wanted to, like, pick out... Come on, let's just keep going. How many people die every year in e-scooter accidents?

Well, actually, there's always evidence. Well, actually, I've got the numbers right here. There were 4,000 collisions over the past three years involving E-Scooters. OK. And that's at a time. That's at a point in time when E-Scooters aren't even legal. How many people died? Well, I don't have that to hand, but I thought my staff... 13 every year. Right, so you had it to have some... What was that big build up for? Yeah, because I'm about to defeat you both in the marketplace of ideas. How many people die every year in car accident?

probably a lot more. Yeah, it's about 100 times more. Yeah, but then you know what? I would argue with that. What? Oh, it was 100 times more, is that it? Okay, so is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it

What do you think? You did this, Ollie. These are your people. This is your tribe. It was worse than that, though, because they can't even package up both of your hands at the same time, otherwise you're like, you know, fucked. And so he just had to live with a broken hand for four weeks until the other one was healed enough. Is that true? Yeah. Well, what was he going to do? You couldn't get his girlfriend to take him to the Lou, could he? Why not?

Yeah, how much do you love me? Well, I can't believe that. I mean, again, drifting into the right-wing thing. That feels like women's rights gone too far. What do you mean? He has to keep... He has to keep a hand broken. So, just because someone else doesn't want to take him to the toilet.

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, and also actually. What happened to in sickness and in health? She's a doctor. She's an A&E doctor, so she's wiping other people, but not him. Well, I guess maybe she doesn't want to like bring work home. I have to deal with you lot all the time, not now. Mr. Speaker, he does not know what his bill is doing.

He should listen to business who are terrified of this bill. The only workers he cares about are lawyers, but it is not just lawyers benefiting from this bill. Who else benefits? It's not taxpayers. They will be paying for even more welfare. It's not young workers. They won't get their first break. It's definitely not businesses. They are being hammered with yet more burdens. Who benefits, Mr. Speaker?

Who benefits? It's the trade unions. It's the trade unions. Part four of the unemployment bill, part four, they haven't read it, part four of the unemployment bill is the biggest expansion of trade union powers for a generation.

Thank you. The public will have heard them, Chair. Rather than de-regulating for business who create growth, he is de-regulating for the unions. Clause 61 alone reduces the notice period for strikes to just one week. Given strikes, a catastrophic for growth will he drop part four of the bill.

It's good for working people and it's good for the economy. And she should keep up. The CBI have welcomed our positive stats this morning. Their quotes, the chance was just given a brilliant speech on the economy. Fixing them as they left and growing our economy. CBI said they celebrate the positive leadership, a clear vision to kickstart our economy. That's the difference. We're growing the economy. They left it in a complete mess.

a bold of chemi-bade knock to go. Do you know what? After the last 14 years of Conservative government, do you know what? People want less of, workers' rights.

Yeah, which is very interesting because you think Rishi soon acts one redeemable quality and arguably why he won the leadership was because he provided furlough to everyone. And that was his one big sell. That, to me, would be a push for workers' rights. Yeah. You know, I'll pay at least. Studying collaboration with the TUC. I just don't think that post-COVID and post-financial turmoil of 2022 that the country is thinking, I would like less pay and less rights.

Yeah, it's an interesting one, isn't it? I'm confused by her whole contribution. It doesn't add up to me, doesn't scan. So what was the policy that she's criticizing? The employment rights bill, which is basically the employment rights bill is to give

back the power that the Conservatives took away from the trade unions and other workers, and it's to bolster your standing in the workplace. And I guess it has stuff in it that businesses wouldn't like. So things like it potentially takes away the probation period. It means that you can have sick pay from day one. It means you can have... Enter zero hours contracts. Enter zero hours contracts. It's basically very much in skew of the worker.

So I own a small business, two barbershops and a bar. And this is good what they're doing. I think the worker's right at stuff. I think ultimately it's quite good. And I think ultimately the stuff that it's replacing, the zero hours contracts and stuff like that, I don't like

It's very often small businesses that they kind of cite. They're like small business owners. Like, no one uses zero hour contracts. Do you know what I mean? It's never small businesses that profit from stuff like that or do well with workers not having any rights. It's really, really big corporations that profit from that and do well with that. If you think of like, think of like a zero hour contracts worker, they never work for like a small business. Do you know what I mean? They work for huge concomers. I had one at McDonald's, yeah.

Yeah, exactly, right. But it's stuff like that, or it's stuff like Deliveroo and stuff like that. It's very, very, like, this is the only serious point I can make. It's a good one. They very, like, they're so, the toys really always want to do this thing. Like, you're going to hit small businesses, you're going to hurt small businesses. Like, all the things that they're, like, all the workers write stuff. Small businesses never take advantage of things that would fuck over a worker because it's awkward. Because it's like just you and Tim and it's there. Exactly.

Because then you're opposite each other for 12 hours. He's been like, so why am I now on a zero hours contract? Exactly. So it's basically my best mate. My best mate is a barber. And it's been a barber for like 15 years. Always cut my hair. You know, it does a great job. Well, I was going to say it's one of the judges you wish. But like six, seven years ago, he was like, I want to start up my own thing. I want to start up my own shop.

uh give me a bit of money we can do it together right and because when i finished university before i was a comedian and i used to work in barbershops he got me jobs so i couldn't cut hair but just just like running it so what did you do in the barbershop like like bookings like like managing it all admin admin yeah that's so i i sort of know how it works

There's quite a lot of that. If you actually file your tax return, you'd know that there's actually quite a bit of it. No, absolutely not. There was a bit of tax, there was a bit of tax chap. And okay, now I'll tell you what, you go first. Finish you, you'll make me a serious point and we'll come back to that. I'm not that hands-on with it. Do you know what I mean? Like my contribution to the business is I drive, he can't drive it. So I drive around, we've got two shops, I drive around clean towels once a week, move stock around, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because we sell products and stuff, right?

But then it's also, like, he's shit with numbers and doesn't understand zero or quipbooks. So I do all the contracts and payroll and shit like that. All I understand is hair.

Yeah, that is kind of it. He's, I mean, you know... The opposite of Rain Man, but with air. Yeah, he's my best mate and I love him. You know, he can't count, but he can't. But it is a thing that like, they always do this thing of like small business is going to be hurt by the fact that you're putting pay up. It's like, no, they're like, it's really good. Like, like, because you are around the workers all the time.

They're there. They're just there. It's not like, if you work at McDonald's and you're the area manager saying, sorry, you're on zero hour contracts now, you do that and fuck off. You just drive away. And it's up to some poor team leader to deal with the complaints and people on my buckles, you know, whatever, right?

Yeah, I can't paint my rent. Yeah, exactly. We're not like that. We're not, we're there. Yeah, it's all good. Are you guys getting the fucking WhatsApp? Yeah, yeah. I'm a comedian. I'm a gig. Seriously.

Like, no small business would take advantage of mugging off workers with harder, you know, paid unless, give them zero-hour contracts on the bar, because you are just with them all the time. It only benefits big businesses where there's a kind of HR pyramid and you'll further away, and obviously, I'm just joking with a lot of what I say, there are mates.

And, you know, without wanting to sound like, it is just better when everyone's having a good time. Do you know what I mean? It's paid well, yeah. It's happy, yeah. It's like a real LinkedIn brain there, isn't it? It's like, these aren't my employees, these are my friends. Yes. Like, absolutely. Okay. Someone, you are going to be reacting to your own clip on this podcast, on, on script. That is, that is what is about to happen being like, you are like some brood dog fucking James Watt type stuff. Everyone is just awesome. That's the end, that's the end, that's the end. My employees are my friends. Oh, Stephen Hule, what's his name? Stephen Hule.

No, it's okay. Why wouldn't you just pay somebody else to do it? What do you mean? Pay an accountant to do it.

All right. All right. Big wallet. Like, what are you talking about? Big wallet. All right. It's the money bags. I behave like Ava, but I know you're right. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've got tight break as well. I've got fucking anyone to do anything if I could do it. Why should they fucking do it? I'd never get a gardener. Whereas I know long term, like,

You're right. Yes. And any good accountant saves you more than what you paid it. Well, they're also like... So what it is, so basically, my dad... Professionally trained. My dad once was a cab driver, only the one singular time. That's it, just once. Anyway, if he did one right, I figured I made a mistake. No, anyway, so he's a cab driver. So he knows how to do tax, and he's subsequently done my mum's tax for years. So he does hers, but basically, because they live in the same house,

my my dad will ask for a document and my mum will give it to him whereas my dad will be like where's your student loan and I'm like fuck I know like what you tell me and so that's why it takes so long see I think like this as well even though like you know you're obviously wrong like a cab driver a cab driver can't do a tactic as well as an accountant

All the guys who work at the barbershop, because I've been soaking weird for a long time. They're like, let's get Jacob's help with our tax returns. I'm a fucking clown. Yeah, you want the court jester, yeah. Get the clown to help with the number.

Yeah, get an accountant. I just, it's so much stress free. What do you mean? I've got so... He asked me... It's two in two days, right? You've done it. Have you? I've done it last night. Yeah, I've done it. All right, so who are you? Who are you? To talk to me like that? Have you not done it? I've been smug for about nine hours.

I've had nine hours of being Mr. Organised. He's actually, he's actually, I can't believe he's found the only person that he's yet to do it. I know he would have been the last one. I've been texting all myself, all myself employed friends all morning, hoping I can lord it over the n***al f***ing, don't know how to pay the count and credit it in May. He did it last week, yeah. No, it has become stressful. Me and the Dukes of Harvey, we're just going to file a link, that's it, that's fine. And you know what, I like paying the extra £100 to HMRC because I know that goes to the nurses.

It's like a moral duty. Good stuff. Really good stuff. Let's do another clip. Roll the clip.

Speaker may I firstly thank the Prime Minister and the Chancellor of the Darcy of Lancaster for their sterling support over the last number of days for Northern Ireland in the aftermath of Storm AO when it's greatly appreciated and demonstrates how well the union works. Gavin Robbins is the rest of his question. He talks about the Omar bombing, which I think we probably don't have enough time to get into. It might not be the right vibe anyway for the pod. They could be linked because he wants a public inquiry if the Omar bombing. We don't know if the storm and the Omar bombing are linked.

You're right, and the only way we would know is if there was a public inquiry to be fair. My best mate lives about 20 minutes outside Belfast, and he hasn't had power since Friday. There's about 30,000 people in Northern Ireland right now who still don't have power, and they're saying it's possible they probably won't get power until Monday, which is just

Insane. I know. Hurricane Force wins. I know. It's bad and everyone's working as hard as they can to fix it. They've actually, I saw that they've sent like the technicians from Jersey, the Channel Islands, are being sent like a relief mission to Northern Ireland to go and help them out with the repairs and stuff and there are people from England going as well.

But it's really, really bad to be without power, to have a power cut that lasts more than a week. But it's horrific. But you've got a representative from the DUP there thanking Keir Starmer for allowing the residents of just outside Belfast to be without power. Do you think if Sinn Fein actually bothered to turn up and take their seats? That may be... It's your favourite thing. I don't know how Ava often likes to argue with me. Well, no.

Ask me. Do you think Sinn Fein could win in X place in like mainland Britain? So I'd be like, do you think Sinn Fein could win in Liverpool? Do you think Sinn Fein could win in Aberdeen? And obviously, do you think they could? I think that Gerry Adams could take, isn't it North? Yeah, I do. I think if Gerry, Jeremy Corbyn were to abdicate that seat, I think... Do you think Gerry Adams would win? Yeah, I do. What?

I'm Islington North. Would you vote for Sinn Fein? If they went on a policy platform, that was similar to Jeremy Corbyn's. Do you not? I've picked the wrong person. Can we get someone else in here? Sorry, what was your pitch going to be? My pitch was going to be. It's like Corbyn, the political arm of the IRA.

He has firmly denied that. Well, no, he denies that he was ever a member of the IRA. Yeah. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. IRA with brunch, Hamas with dinner, isn't it? That's how it works. That's how it works in Isington North. Yeah. But Sinn Fein is very definitely the political wing of the... They don't deny that.

Okay, well, I need to just check with the end of the Disney special just to make sure. I don't know. I only just check the... I don't want to upset anyone. Okay, Pat McCullin, I reckon she could win in Islington North.

Yeah, okay. She used to be the leader, she used to be the general secretary of the, when I'm just letting him know. Oh, sorry. I'm not telling you. Right. Like, don't mind me, sorry. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She was quite a big name over here in like trade union circles. So I could imagine a lot of the trade unions would get behind her. And I can imagine Sinn Fein might be able to win. Also, people in that area,

really, really love Corbin as a constituency MP. Yes. I think that's fair to say. The fucking Waitrose Nans. Yeah. So I think... Oh mate, it's mad, honestly. There's things I could tell you, they're believing in that area. First of all, he doesn't want to talk to you. I'll tell you that now. Like I see him. He's always just about Corbin. I try and talk to him all the fucking time he doesn't want to know. That bastard being in his own constituency. It doesn't want to talk. He's got this work, he's got this work.

But everyone thinks he's cuddly grandad marmalade, he wants to talk. I try and talk to him about the fucking pot holes in the road, he doesn't want to know. I tell you now, you've never seen a man of that age walk so quickly when I try and talk to him about pot holes. Can I say that's not his jurisdiction? You really need to write to this in some council about that.

I'm not fucking, I'm not writing emails. I've got things to do. All I do is belligerently follow Jeremy Corbyn around, shouting at him without bottles. He's tried to tell me to do with a council. I don't care. I want to talk to him about it. It is mad. Why don't you stage a protest and get into a pothole? There's a thing on TikTok where there's these lads who plant flowers in potholes. Seen that, yeah. Have you seen that? It's great. It's really good. It's proper mad. They're trying to do something for that, you know?

Yeah, I'm... That's... That said the cars just run them over.

Well, they sort of stand by them for a while, like ushering people around them. It's really good. It's really good. They're like, they're basically, they're an extension of Ule's brain. Are you into those guys? Are you into the Blade Runners? Do you know who these guys are? I'm familiar with the Blade Runners. Fuckin', they could take his link to North. I'll tell you that. They could take his link to North. Do you know who these, so to explain the Blade Runners, then these guys...

I don't know where they live. They live in like Sydney. I'm so glad you said it. Red Bridge. Yeah, yeah. It's there. It's sort of zoned five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But to be fair, Serbatim was really taken down by the Mueller's cameras. I just have to say. Are you playing? Are you playing? No, no, no. I love announcing. I love announcing. She's big on you. Are you big? I'd pedestrianise the whole of central London, apart from caps and tradies.

Yeah. And people who can't walk, they can get in a car. What about the potholes? But yeah, so the Blade Runners are these guys who, where people are trying to put up Euler's cameras,

These guys, they don't go to work. I don't know how they're doing it. I think they work in trades, but they don't go to work. And they literally, they mask up and they've got like angle grinders and they're cutting down US cameras. They've had to adapt their tactics in southeast London because I think

The security now, isn't there? I think the angle, yeah. The council are hiring security guards. To stand around the cameras. So now that the Blade Runner has spent most of their time, like, antagonizing the security guards. Yeah, which is great. It's mad. It's so good. The ones that got cut down a lot now haven't been cut down for a while. And I thought, oh, they must have nicked the Blade Runner. It's over. The Blade Runner's are free. Yeah. Because if you look closely, you'll see that they've just started putting stickers over the camera.

When you act the actual lens part of the camera and there'll be like a sticker on it that says play runners. That's not as sexy is it? No it's not. The angle grinder brings to be a sort of Christina Aguilera music video vibe. It's very funny because they're like 50 year old blokes. They're like assless chaps. In chaps yeah. They're probably okay. Just as like a little pre-winding to what you've just said there. Okay so like any normal rational person would not be a fan of like the

The person who is tasked with like standing outsourced by the council to stand by something that's finding normal people, right? It would probably say that it's okay to be a bit antagonized. No, cut that out. Cut that out. You could understand, cut that out.

Never mind. Okay. Well, you know, I want to say what you basically one time on this podcast, I said that I thought it was a bit much when the people who were like checking tickets on trains, the conductors, like really go after you for a rail card, right? I think it's a bit much. I think they could turn the blind eye every now and again, and it doesn't hurt.

Did train people come for you? Oh my God. And I really love to train community. I have like, listen, this is people who are just like drivers of trains. Yeah, who just like tweet about where they're driving that day. They all unfollowed me. They all told me to go to hell.

It was awful. Train people are fucking nuts. Don't ever tweet any- I mean, I'd be surprised they'd come for you from this, but I've tweeted about trains in the past. Fucking hell. Some of the worst evenings of my life have been fighting the train community online.

Like, gee, I was like, have you considered not fighting the train community? I didn't even have to do it. I didn't seek them out. And this is like years ago. I didn't, like, I've been out of many fellows now, but I had fuck who then. And I was just like, oh, for fuck's sake, like, I've got on an Aviva. I didn't know it was a North London, Northwest, blah, blah, blah. I didn't realize there was different brands of training. I know exactly what you've done. You bought a ticket that

I know what you did. You got on a luma. You were meant to get on a luma. Thank you. That's it. I didn't realise there were brands of trains. I think the train is a is a fancy, not a Viva. He meant to get on an LNER, I reckon, and I think you meant to get on a luma and you got on an LNER. It's happened to the best of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when I tweeted being like, since when was there fucking brands of train? And like, I don't know, I'm going to wherever I was going, not in them. I've paid for not in them. Why can't I go to not in them? And just a thousand cucks just in your fucking mention be like, well, why didn't you take what train you were getting on? Why didn't you look at the bottom of your thing? I don't think it's the train's fault that you can't really take it. It doesn't say on the ticket. The train's not going to shag you. Like, you know what I mean? It's like the train got hit. Maybe one day. Maybe one day.

And I really like that community, but they will turn at a moment's notice. They get really angry about Houston as well. I like Houston station, right? And I know that that's a very controversial thing to say because a lot of people don't like Houston.

What? It feels like having a conversation with like the specter of people that aren't here. Like, you just said to me, I really like Houston Station, and I know that's a controversial thing to say. And in my head, I just thought, no, it's not. Like, a controversial thing to say would be like, we need to bring back segregation. Like, I like Houston Station is not controversial. What does that even mean? What does that even mean? It is. People really don't like that station. But it's a place. It's an inanimate object.

It's a train station. You don't have any preferences? It's a cause for people. People have a real cause of like, come on, Houston's bad. The hours of my life, I could be at home with my kids and Houston is wasting that time. I've not seen my kids in weeks, it's Houston's fault. That's the vibe, isn't it? Yeah. That is... I'm still at Houston love, I won't be back for another couple of days.

Anyway, I don't know where that point was going. I don't even think we need to do the last clip, do we? Alright. Fuck the last clip. Fuck Ed Davie. Sorry, pal. We're moving on. Well, it'll be in the highlights room. You can go and watch the highlights room. What's the highlights room on the YouTube channel?