LO: To know we all did cringey things as teenagers
en
January 29, 2025
TLDR: The brothers share stories of their school life, including a teacher's embarrassing first day mishap, the January blues, cringeworthy moments, and hilarious parent complaints (stolen eyebrows, microwaved Rustlers). They also discuss listener stories featuring teddy-tossing, Taylor Swift in maths, and pharmaceutical rep confusion.

In this hilarious episode of the podcast titled "LO: To know we all did cringey things as teenagers", the dynamic duo of brothers, known affectionately as the Mr. Ps, delve into the various absurdities and uncomfortable moments that defined their teenage years. With humor and nostalgia, they intertwine personal anecdotes with listener stories, making it a relatable discussion for anyone who has navigated the chaotic world of adolescence.
The Teacher's Nightmare
The episode kicks off with a classic tale from Mr. P, who recounts an embarrassing incident involving dog poop on his shoe. This anecdote humorously highlights the struggles teachers face daily, particularly during transition moments like rushing to another school. The chaos unfolds as he tries to clean his shoe with wet wipes before entering the school for a twilight session, showcasing that even teachers are not immune to cringe-worthy moments.
Key Takeaways:
- Teachers often face unexpected challenges that lead to embarrassing situations.
- Humor can be found in even the most distressing experiences.
January Blues and Cringe-Worthy Fashions
The conversation transitions smoothly into discussing the infamous January blues. The brothers reminisce about sleepless nights, playground duties, and the questionable fashion trends of their youth. They explore how young people today have it easier with laid-back styles, contrasting them with their own childhood experiences of dressing up for nights out, like wearing suits to pubs – a true fashion catastrophe!
Shared Cringeworthy Experiences:
- Wearing suits and blazers instead of casual attire.
- The absurd things teenagers do to try and fit in or look cool.
Bizarre Parent Complaints
Adding to the humor, the podcast features a segment where they share some of the weirdest parent complaints teachers have faced. From a parent upset over their child’s eyebrows being allegedly ‘stolen’ to bizarre requests like microwaving Rustlers burgers for lunch, these stories illustrate the nonsensical side of parental involvement in schools.
Examples of Absurd Complaints:
- Demands for less Jesus in Christmas nativity plays.
- Complaints about children's birthday celebrations not being extravagant enough.
Listener Stories: A Cringey Glimpse Into Adolescence
The episode also includes listener-submitted anecdotes that rival the Mr. Ps' own cringeworthy tales. From attempts at being cool with aggressive stylings (like unnecessarily running fists along walls) to the awkwardness of first crushes, the shared experiences strike a chord with anyone who remembers their teenage years.
Noteworthy Listener Stories:
- Trying to sneak into clubs with fake IDs.
- Writing embarrassing blog posts highlighting personal superiority.
Wrap-Up and Reflections
As the episode comes to an end, the Mr. Ps leave listeners with a sense of camaraderie over the universal awkwardness of growing up. They emphasize that everyone has cringey moments, and it’s essential to reflect on them with laughter rather than shame, reinforcing the idea that such experiences are part of human growth.
Final Thoughts:
- Embracing embarrassment as a fundamental part of growing up.
- Understanding that chaos in school life is a shared experience that unites teachers and students alike.
Conclusion
In summary, this episode is a delightful mix of laughter, nostalgia, and relatability, encapsulating the essence of growing up with all its ridiculous tribulations. From teacher blunders to cringe-inducing fashion choices, the Mr. Ps navigate the hilarity and insanity of teenage life, reminding us all that it’s okay to laugh at ourselves.
This podcast episode resonates with anyone who has had those awkward teenage moments, serving as a humorous reminder that we’re all in this together.
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Hello and welcome to episode 204. Season 8 episode 18. I have two Mr. P's and a podcast with me, Mr. P. And the other Mr. P. Welcome back guys for our last episode of January. Is it? Yeah, yeah. That's what I mean.
what we're calling this on the 28. So we hope you're doing well. We hope you're all right. Sticking with us, sticking with it. We're not too far off the next half term, are we? It has been a busy, old week, but I've got to start with something that while we're up no end, right? If I had to change the law and... You're going straight into a ramp there.
If I could change the law and reintroduce the death penalty, who would I? People who don't pick up dogmas. People who don't pick up their dog poo. So last week, I was in my school and then I was booked in to do a twilight after school, 10 minutes down the road. So our school finished at court pass three and I was like, right, I've got to be out the door.
Straight over to the school, make sure I'm there for when they start the twilight. So get out of school, but obviously in our school you lock the gate for the car park.
Yeah, between, I think he does it between three and a half three to make sure no parents. Yeah, of course, I was classic. Yeah. So I go over to the gates. So I'm only, you just got to remember this, I'm only in the school grounds. So I walk over to the gates, open the gate, get in my car off I go. Yeah. And as I'm driving to this school, I'm like,
Smells, smells, smells absolute. It smells. It smells a dog. It smells a dog turd. Get to this school and I'm, in one sense, I might have done good timing. I've done all right. Look down. There is the biggest, freshest dollar.
of steaming dog turd on my trainers, right? I weren't these trainers, but trainers with like, you know, the crevices all in. It's all over the car. Luckily, I just feel wet wipes, so start wiping up the car as best I can. Not what you want to do, though, because even though you've got wet wipes, and I find this, obviously, with my son still doing his do-do's in the old pull-ups,
Even though you wipe him with wipes, there's still the never ever slight linger. Oh yeah. There's a cranberries in there. Yeah. So I get out the car and I'm at this school and I'm like, how am I going to play this one? So I had to walk like I tried to get as much of it off.
Scraping along, like skiing. But I was conscious of like, well, I don't leave all the turds in the bloody car park at this school. Anyway, ended up just taking the shoe off, walking to the entrance of the school, shoeing hand.
and being like, I'm here to do the twilight. However, I've stood it. I just, and they were laughing their heads off to be fair. So then then I had to go and bloody clean it. It taught forever because I had to try and get in. Didn't have a toothbrush either. No. That's what it used to be. I used to use a pen. I had to sacrifice a pen from a bio. What kind of pen did you sacrifice? It was a bio. I was in an authentic like see through blue bio.
No, no, but it like basically got from a company. Yeah, the nib was getting in the crevices to clear it. It was horrible. But the worst thing was it was on the school ground. Someone had let their dog walk into the school car park, leave, leave a turd and not pick it up. I mean, it's just knowing some of our parents probably name who it was. That sort of stuff though. I mean, that's just, that's just a fine example of setting the wrong example. Well, yeah. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, you know, but I just,
to tuck rock up to a school and just be shoeing hand like really sorry but it's so embarrassing. I'm going to give some credit. I like how you handled that. It arguably what humanizes you. Like just honest, you could have gone in there and just been like
I'm here for the Twilight and just stank the place out. But you went in, you were honest. And I'm sure they'd appreciate that. And then we couldn't get the projector to believe work. So I'd done my best to get there in time and ended up being run. But it was all right. It went fine. So in the grand scheme of things, the whole now it was dug shit. Oh, it was. Yeah. It was awful. And yeah. Who does it? It winds me up.
If you're going to have a dog pick up its poo. Nothing winds me up more because it's just pure and utter laziness laziness. I mean, I've done it before where I mentioned it on the podcast before where I've been walking Winnie. She's done a poo and I've not had poo bags. Someone's not filled the poo bag back up because we got a little pouch and a lead. So do you know what I did?
got an empty crisp packet off the floor scooped it up because you know what I am not doing. Not being that guy. I'm not being that person. I used to pick Sally's up with like leaves if I needed to. You've just got to do what you've got to do. Forget school finds, right? I'm sick of parents getting fined. If we want to find people who don't pick up their own dog poo, instant thousand pound fine.
I mean, it would be tough to track. I mean, are you having to go on three days of poo? It's not hard to track. If you see someone who's not picked up a poo, snap a picture, send it in, bang thousand five. Yeah, but a lot of the time you didn't see who pooed in your school.
No, but most people have ring doorbells now, don't they? Bring in 1984. Let's get the CCTV cameras in everywhere to find out who's not picking up their dogs. Yeah, I know I'm with you. It's highly. He's like, he said, it's just laziness and it's just, it's just plain and simple common currency. It is. It is.
Anyway, other than that, a very successful week as I was down in London last week for the Beck Conference. Each year, in January, it's the biggest edtech conference in the world. It's actually been going for 40 years.
And I think we worked out, I think the first one I went to was 2013, I think, so good 12 years ago now. And it's always good to catch up with people, network and things like that. I was a little tad disappointed if I'm going to be honest.
Just that normally, I come away with a good couple of new tools and new things to explore. And this year, there was nothing. No, no, no, no. You didn't really learn anything new. I felt like there didn't seem to be as many teachers there. As last time, obviously, Teachmake was, we were running an hour and about whether to get a stand. However, it is a lot of money to get a stand at this conference. Oh, great. And I was a little bit reluctant to pay it because I just felt like,
I just don't think we'd get back what you, you know what I mean, for what it's worth. And so all the team went down and we all had like hoodies on. And I was like, well, we'll just take a couple of mics and we can go round interviewing teachers and sort of maybe get a few testimonials about TeachMate. And honestly, some of the team who went round could not find a single teacher in the whole conference.
So they've got to do something to try and incentivize and make it worthwhile for teachers to come. However, we had the better awards on the Wednesday night and teach mate was up for three awards. We were up for the innovation award company of the year under a certain amount of money and.
uh, AI and education award workload reduction. So we're up for three. We were there last year. We didn't win. We didn't win unfortunately. And I was desperate just to get one. And the one we got is the one I really wanted, which is the workload reduction. Yeah. Cause that is something you know, if you've been listening to this podcast, I'm incredibly passionate about, uh, so to get the recognition, uh, to know it's having that sort of impact. And we've actually done
We've done a recent survey we teach people using TeachMate and the sort of impact it's having on workload and wellbeing is honestly, I'm really, really proud of. We've had 1,800 teachers, I think answered the survey. And there was some stat, I'm trying to remember this, right, that four fifths of those teachers who were considering leaving teaching in the last year actually said TeachMate has been a reason they've stayed as a teacher.
So I just think that's absolutely brilliant. So big shout out to all of the TeachMate team for all their hard work. And yeah, another award. Another award for TeachMate. Yeah, no, congratulations. I was buzzing when you posted that you'd won it. I was sat there at home proud.
Yeah. Yeah, well done. You like your laugh? Yeah, sat there at home. So they're not bothered at all that you're at this conference now. That's that's your that's your your bag. And that's no, and I'm just glad it's going really well. And I know I know of teachers who use it. And I'm sure more would love to boys again, it's it's
You know, sometimes it's the school as well, isn't it? Well, the school, yeah, but I mean, I think some schools have been a little bit reluctant about AI, but the government have, the government have come out and they've released, they've released some guidance around how to use it safely, which again, teach mate how with some consultant, you know, consulting on it. So there's no reason why schools shouldn't be embracing it. And like say, it just helps with stuff, just makes your life a little bit easier.
It's a no brainer for me because I just think there's so much paperwork and I've been expected of teachers if you can get AI to help you with it or if AI can write something as well as you can for time poor teachers with 110 things to do each day. Let the AI help so you can focus on most important party job which is the teaching. So anyway, over the night it's with all been good. How's your week been Adam?
Yeah, it's been okay. Nothing to write home about to be fair. It's just, I don't know, the weather's been just crazy again, we had the storm. You know, the wind, it was funny, right? So the other day, I can't remember what day it was, actually.
I was on the gate in the morning, welcoming the parents and the children. And I'm not going to lie, the wind was so intense. It was really, really intense. It actually knocked me off balance, believe it or not. Must have been bad. I know.
Um, you know, one of my colleagues said, what do you reckon, do they go out today? And I, I just said, I'm not sure, you know, and now I am, I am outside over anything. Like, don't matter, wind, rain, snow, whatever, but there was just this part of me that, you know, like it was like a final destination thing, but not, not as serious. All I kept them visioning was, because you can't expect children to go out on the playground and walk. Like it's not going to happen. And I thought, if they get up ahead of steam and one of those gusts come,
It's going to fall and smash the face and that's why I always fear injuries. I hate the thought of a child getting caught or a bang or you know. In that case there is nothing a wet pack paper but Tal can do it. Exactly. So I said I'm not sure you know because it actually knocked me off balance.
So the wind actually knocked me off balance and I said, and you're talking about 18 and a half stone of British beef. I said, not like a six stone year five or I don't even know if that's roughly what they were. I don't know.
So anyway, I'm in the staff room, I didn't know. I normally have my dinner and then I go straight out on the playground duty for the whole lunchtime. And one of the TAs came in and was like, I can't believe we're not going out. And I was sat there going, yeah, I know. But I was like, it's not raining, but the weather's really bad. And another woman came in and the TA said to this woman, why are we not going out? Like, do you know why we're not going out? And she went, well, yeah.
The depth of your head's been round saying that the wind took Adam out. And then someone was like, so what actually happened? And I was like, well, and I said, have you seen him? But Michael Jackson's song, that video, the Earth song, I said, I was against the fence. Like, ah, like what have we done to the world? And then, but anyway, we ended up being able to do like, you know, in afternoons, we did some like daily mile walking, but
I don't know, like January, January. I think if you look back on the two, Mr. P's, season after season.
It's great, by the way, not being bad. But if you go back, every episode towards this time, we say about how crazy January is, how long it is, and with every year that passes. Now, I don't know if this is an age thing, the fact that we're getting older and it's like, things are just harder, that little bit harder. Like, I mean, my son doesn't sleep at the best of times. And I came into work today and someone said, how are you? And I just was like, knackered.
And I was just like, but I don't remember ever coming into work ever in the past two years, I'd say, where I've walked and I've been fresh. Or I've felt a hundred percent. It doesn't happen anymore. No, it's like, you know, when we used to go to school, you could stay up all night, you could go out. Oh, no, I used to be tired going to school. I don't remember being tired. Oh, I was always tired.
because you'd stay up that little bit later. I just find it. It's just, it's amazing that it's sort of relative. I think no matter what stage of life you're at, you're always feeling tired. You're always, and I think, yeah, I, yeah, you always feel. But what I know like,
Because you see, you get on social media, you see people say before you have kids, you're like, I'm tired. If someone, if someone now in school says they're tired and they've not got kids, you don't know the meaning. Well, this is the thing. This, I often have this like chat with Kim or I'll speak to Kim or I'll say like, what did we use to do?
Like, we had so much freedom. Now, I wouldn't change any of it for the world, obviously, but I'm just like, I don't remember, like, you know, we could sit and watch them without any interrupted and like, go to bed whenever we wanted. I remember, I used to go back from work. I used to fall asleep on the way back from work every day in the car, because I didn't use the drive. Oh, God, thank God you said that.
What? But you didn't use the driver. No, it's, I didn't use it. I used to fall asleep every day driving home from work. It could be driving and I'd just nod off. And it used to be the most honest, like 30 minutes to keep a day. And then, but sometimes we'd get home and, you know, especially... It's about beaming him accent, isn't it? Just...
lulls you into a lullaby. So how was your day? Sorry, you're just catching some zeds, babe. Then we'd get back to where we were living and it'd be like, you know, I'm just gonna lie on the couch and just chill. I just find it just wild. It's like we took, I took Max Dena to Lily's rugby on Sunday and he ran, didn't he? He ran you, sorry. And he ran his little heart out for a good 45 minutes in total. And he was knackered by the end of it. And I was thinking,
this is and it was funny when i was pushing back through the crowd there's one guy there who went real slow tonight and i was thinking no we won sure up and then i got him home and you know your kids just knackered and you like and i'm thinking to myself i've got to keep him going to he goes to early i'm screwed
And then I got him like through the half six barrier. So with Max, it's like, we let him go to sleep anytime past half seven, which is so rare, but he never, but if you go sleep at half six, he'll be up at three. So it's like, right, getting just past half seven.
and then he got just past half seven and I was thinking right and Kim came back she'd gone out with Eiler and I said to Kim I said I've took him to the rugby I've ran him ragged he's at like this should be we should absolutely be able to sit get everything ready for the morning chill
And he was just playing tipping point at midnight. And I was sat there and blessed him. I mean, I made a video about it. He started saying stuff for like, have you seen it? Yeah. So he started like going like jackpot counter and drop zone four and 10,000 pounds, which is my favorite. So I'm like buzzing that he's saying stuff, but then I'm also like, yeah, I love you, son. Just get it to sleep. And then, but then it's like, then you're past the point, then you go into bed and then suddenly you're like awake.
So yeah, in, you know, in Amsterdam, question, I'm doing great! I'm doing fantastic! We're talking about all the time we had when we were younger. That sort of leads us into this week's sort of thread of the week.
People have been sharing their cringiest teen moments. And it's hideously relatable. So what did you do in your teens that you now think back to and cringing to a Bolivian? I can imagine you've got a list as well.
I went through a phase as a 17 year old of going out drinking in a suit every week. We did this. We did this. So we used to, I remember going to walk about, it must be lawless 18. Lawler mates just turned 40. So he was like one of the first to turn 18. The rest of us were 17. So we genuinely thought we would get into that.
And obviously I was buzzing because works at next so I had a suit. I had a few suits I can choose from God what are we thinking? I never quite did the suit thing but I was very much a blazersman. Yeah. And then it kind of when I got to the point where I had a decent fake ID.
I went to the blazer hoodie. I've done a couple of blazer hoodie. If I put a blazer hoodie on now, I would be roasted. I would say this is the one thing. It doesn't annoy me purely for the fact that I'm a bit jealous.
But if you ever go out, it's very rare I go out and obviously we were out on Saturday for my mate's 40th and he was doing like the Didsbury dozen. So it's very different anyway because everyone does it in fancy dress. But things are so casual now. Like if you ever go to go to a bar, people just, they're basically in the pyjamas. They're short. They're so casual, which I've not got an issue with.
I'm just jealous. But you used to wear a three piece back in the day. You got to get proper dressed up. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Your shoes as well. Mate's used to get turned to Wayne trainers. Oh, yeah. You couldn't wear training shoes. I remember the first club I ever went. The first club.
Is this where you were the tucks? No, no, no, no. It was, it wasn't reals, it was after reals, but before them too. Infinity, right, infinity. Me and Daz are queuing. I wore, right, first night out into town. One of Dab's shirts, right. That's how bad it was. You want the shirt of shirts? They want the shirt of shirts. Our dad used to have a shirt that was made up of loads of different shirts. Loads of different shirts. It wasn't that. But we got to the front, right?
I'm thinking, what age were you at? 17. That's 16, maybe. 16. That shit must have been so big. I know, Ian. I know. But anyway, looking like you're trying to be a rapper. Me and Daz walked to the front and he turned, I can't remember. He turned one of us and he said, like, you're not getting in. I can't remember the reason why. So we went around the corner, back to the back of the queue, swapped shirts.
Cued up again. Got in. No. Yeah, got in. Did he fill his shirt? I reckon that's what it is. I reckon he filled that shirt out better than you. Maybe. So yeah, I went through a phase of 17 year old to go out drinking a suit every weekend, the same suit, washed and cleaned. I never, ever, ever pulled while out in that suit. People told me it was stupid, but I thought it was quick. He would make me look cool. It effing didn't.
There's another outfit I think you did dabble with, and I know I did, where you didn't go full suit. You went jeans, but you went shirt with like a thin tie. Oh, God. The busted face. The busted face of the chain going from two of your loops in the jeans. So here's a couple of other examples. I used to run my fists along a brick wall on my way to the pub so it looked like I'd been fighting.
F knows why. I've never had a fist fight in my life. And it just- What did he use to say? Look, I should see what happened on the way here. Should have seen the other guy. And it just, yeah. I never had a fist fight in my life and it just looked like I'd run my fist against a brick wall. That's good. Number two, I wrote a blog post on Tumblr entitled, Why I'm Better Than Most People, which had like 10 bullet points.
It still makes me want to crawl in a 60 foot hole and think about it. Oh, God. It was super tight with money, even though I wasn't skinned. So in clubs, I'd refuse to put my jacket into the cloak room to save to quid. All my pictures are back then and me trending sweat in the clip. Because I'm effing roasting walking around in my big leather jacket on. Just rock it up.
I love it. I used to be a bit like that. But now I was never too quick back then to get around. I tell you what else. I used to hate the queue at the jacket point. Yeah. I used to be a massive guy. I don't always worry about losing the raffle ticket. But then also a massive queue to get it back, which was not a bit of me either.
I made a throwaway email address to send anonymous love letters to my brother's friend. I admitted it was me and he immediately told my brother he did not like me back. It was excruciating. Oh, this is a bit of you post woeful song lyrics as Facebook statuses. Yeah, that was always me. Yeah.
Man was pre Facebook, man was MSN messenger. I used to have it on MSN and then I used to, yeah, Facebook. I don't know why. I don't know why. And do you know, they still sometimes come up on memories and I look at it and I think, Oh my God, you were like 22. Yeah. Like, you know, people look back like I was 14. I was stupid. I was like 22, like writing stuff like, Oh, what was that one? Love is a battlefield and I'm a soldier. So honestly,
I am. We've talked about this on the podcast where Facebook deleted my car and I got a fresh dark dream stuff. Just as the kids were born. It was crazy. I remember, I just remember getting a migraine going to sleep waking up and my Facebook had disappeared. Mad that. I know. You lost some guy in some guy in America as we live in like you. Yeah. I purchased a fedora and a long coat for similar reasons. You know, fedora.
Like a spy hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I had a fedora back in the day. But like, it was more made of.
It wasn't a proper fedora. It was more like light, like weaved. What would it be called? Basically, it was like a summer one. Anyway, so purchased a fedora and a long coat for similar reasons. This was well before the fedora meme. I don't know if it makes me more or less tragic, but I was otherwise pretty well adjusted and had a girlfriend. I just thought wearing it would be cool and quirky. It was not. Gotta just remember that I got a pocket watch too. What an odd person.
I'll bully my brother about his emo phase later to make me feel better. Oh my god. My friend told me if you make eye contact with someone you like, it means they like you back. Cue me staring at a lad in the ear above daily. In the school corridors or something, just sort of studying the corridor, just staring at a kid, hoping he'd look back at me, shuddering, just thinking about it.
Oh, that's great. Business casual going out close was an actual phrase in the early 90s. Business casual. Oh, you look smart. You're for a job interview. No, I'm heading to the clue. A lot of fashion ones here. I was a big fan of a crush on more like Michael J. Fox. I used to wear an outfit exactly like the one in the back to the future and used to skateboard.
No, I did not do dangerous hanging on truck stuff. Trying to skateboard is a dangerous enough. Yes, I'm a girl. Yes, it was effing sad. And God, I wish I was kidding. Trusting like Marty McFly.
What's the end game there? What are you hoping? Who knows? The things that still don't know, probably, if she was a girl, dressing as an artist, flat as you'd be hoping to see some, like, you know, some, some older dark there, looking at her like, great scup! Maury!
The things that still make me cringe myself inside out, occasionally, 20 years later, are mostly times where I said something mean or thoughtless in an attempt to look cool or fit in. I still did not look cool or fit in. I was just more of an asshole. I think we've all been there with that, haven't we? Yeah.
Pretended I enjoyed reading classic literature, fiction and not fiction, while also pretending that I hated everything my peers liked because obviously I was smart and they weren't. We all knew someone like that. He thought they were above it. Yeah. Yeah. Drawing whiskers on my face with eyeliner like Dan and Phil at the age of 13. Who's Dan and Phil? Dan and Phil. Dan and Phil? They don't have the rugrats.
drawing whiskers on my face with eyeliner. Vandalizing all the GCSE maths textbooks in our classroom. Every page 89 had a car to man standing up and I always drew a willy on him. Yeah. Going into and summers with one of my mates yelling, dildo and running out. Oh God. Dan and Phil were, I think they're YouTubers in 2009.
Oh my god. I would play air drums in clubs to try and attract girls because I thought they'd see I had good rhythm. They'd say I had a good rhythm and would obviously equal be good in in bed. Oh, good. An old, friendly, recently reminded me of this and I crinkled up like a mollusk with lemon juice on.
just in the club like proper going for it like whiplash. I used to get dressed up, put eyeshadow on badly and go for a walk with my iPod thinking I'd end up bumping into someone and falling in love like a film. Oh, I love that though. My mates always used to say that to me that I thought my life is a film. Oh, God. Yeah. I wonder if I can tell a story of when Ayman
I don't think I've ever told. I know what my mate Ayman is most cringy moment would be. I'll tell it on the podcast. Ayman, if you're listening, I'm sorry. I think he got his first girlfriend who
who was, you know, she, how would you describe her? She was like, she was the one that everyone fancies. Yeah, yeah. She was like, yeah. And she started going out with aiming and then it finished for one reason or the other. And I remember phoning him and being like, you're right, mate. And he's like, yeah. Yeah, it's funny. I said, all right, what have you been up to? And he said, well, when she broke up with me, I just went into a graveyard sat and cried.
His house backed onto a graveyard. And he just sat in the rain and had a little cry, bless him. Might sum out some sort of music video. This is how you remind me. Just trying in the graveyard. Just thinking about, I mean, I've talked about, I've talked about my cringe level.
on many an app. I mean, there's the one where there's the one where the girl I liked at the time, we wrote that house and and she walked off to get the the mat and it was and all these girls are saying like, she likes you, she likes you. And I was like, does she? Yeah, you should go and ask her out. And I was like, yeah, we'll
and then I just ran out of the house barefoot and it was pouring down me rain my shoes were literally by the door and I ran out in barefoot and I ran through all these puddles and caught over and was just kind of like
Right? Like we go out of me and she was just like, yeah. And I was like, sweet. Like, you know, no, nothing else. It could have been like that notebook, esque kiss in the rain. But I was just kind of like, all right. Like, thanks. And then left. Oh, God. It honestly makes me just makes me cringe. I've got a few cringe. I had a couple of sips of alcohol at a party and proceeded to be drunk.
Obviously was not drunk. People looking asking why I was doing that, but I doubled down as I had started a shame. I acquired a tape recording of a BFG audio book used to pull up next to rude boys in their voxel novas while they were blaring music and playing the BFG at full clock. Nah, I'm not having that as being cringy. That is legendary. Just rocking up me rolled up, blaring through the speakers, hitting the bass, like, right lads, something.
I was propping to Manchester and Brit Pop in general during the Easter holidays. I went to Manchester on a day trip and insisted on going to the Hacienda. Obviously I couldn't go in because it was a rainy week day afternoon and also because I was about 14. So I just got a photo taken outside to prove that I went and had a mad night out in Manchester and a mad night out. I thought I was cool as eff and looked like a chubby in brown.
A lot more like when Perry from Kevin and Perry came back from there to Manchester. I've done some cringy stuff in fact.
There was one that came to mind straight away and it was, and dad all attest to this. So when I got my first girlfriend, she in fact, so my first girlfriend was, and again, if you came to the first live tour, you'll remember the story. She was very, a lot more street wise than I was, more experienced than I was. And I was very much like sheltered, lived a very, you know,
You wore suits. I wore suits to the poor person. This was before suit day. So this is how bad it was. This was before we thought suits was a good idea. And I always remember she invited me to the first house party and I'd never been to a house party before. And I was going to meet all the friends for the first time. And she was like, I'll bring a mate. So I brought Lola. Right. Shout out to the Lola's Flawless. And he got leathered. Right. So we brought a few beers.
He got his brother to buy us a few beers. I don't think we'd never really been drunk. Now, I was obviously like, I'm not getting drunk here because I've got to make a good impression from him. And he got absolutely leathered through up everywhere. And basically the house that we'd gone to told us to leave.
because he was levered and I remember I went absolutely mad at him. I remember Dad picked us up and I'm like, that's it Lola, you ruined it for me. She's going to finish me and lost us in the butt like, that's completely out of it. And I always remember because we pulled up to Lola's house and my dad was like, go and see him in.
So I took him to the door and I was like, swear, if she finishes me, mate, like, we're not friends anymore. He's just like, yeah. And then his mom opens the door and he went like, he went, Oh, mom went to hug her completely misty. You know, like Delvoy, you know, only falls in all seats. Just absolutely stacked it. And I was like, sorry, Miss Lawler. I probably have got a cringier store, a cringier thing I used to do when I was a teenager than that, but
That will be revealed, I think, on the next tour. Yes. On the next tour. So, if we've not already given you enough reasons why you need to buy tickets for the nationwide tour, October half turn 2025, February half turn 2026, you need to come along. All will be revealed. Head to the website, zoomispeethpodcast.com, where you can get your tickets. We're here there and everywhere. It'll be an absolutely built-in night, and we're hoping to see you all
the right into a couple of stories. If it's not good then I'ma go read this from Chip. I hope the kid was there too.
I thought we'd go through a couple of complaints. Weirdest complaints you've ever had as a parent. Oh, as a teacher should I say. And then we're getting to a few other listener stories. So a parent complained to me that you forced my child to pick someone else's rubbish off the floor. The child had volunteered to tidy the mess that her and her friends had made.
I just can't, I just can't always stuff like that. Apparently go at me for not sharing my home address with their son. They felt that they showed that I didn't trust their child. Yeah. Don't matter if it's like the absolute, you know, the go to sharing your address. You know, who get old of it?
I had a complaint that a child wasn't made to feel special enough on their birthday, even though we'd sung to them. They talked in front of the class about their birthday and had a birthday sticker. What more can you do?
like take them to a show, but it's not real, it's not real life. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you birthday, yeah. All right. Cause, cause I know that like, you know, bringing sweets in for the classes of it all with, with allergies and, and, and dietary requirements and things like that's kind of gone a bit, hasn't it? Yeah. So like we have like a birthday hat. You don't do it in, you don't take them to a meal in school though.
No, I mean, like, like, bringing in sweets or bringing in cake. So, like, you know, you have a birthday sash, a birthday hat. Like, if you have a birthday in one of the weeks, you get up in assembly and everyone sings, have a birthday to you. And then on the day that it's your actual birthday, the class will sing to you. Yeah. Well, I'll see you expecting. And I think there's a birthday certificate goes out as well.
I remember there was a story where a parent basically expected the teacher to do the party in school for the kid. Oh, yeah. My child can hear you breathe. It's distracting them. I had a massive chest infection at the time. Well, sorry. Do you know what I mean? Sorry for breathing.
I had horrendous morning sickness with my first child. I literally used to just about make it to break every day. A parent governor made a point of coming into class to tell me that she was fed up with my morning sickness and the fact that I was throwing up so much. Oh, getting the bin governor. I know some of the things you support in there. Yeah. You know, the miracle of childbirth.
Yeah, I was told by a parent that I couldn't possibly teach their child properly as I didn't have children of my own. Oh no, no, no, no. It's such a ludicrous statement that because
You've obviously got loads of parents who can't look after children as well. It doesn't make a difference. It's so... Oh, Jesus. Telling a child to take alcohol for their toothache, I actually said cowpole. Take a shot of the brown stuff. Oh, I would say. If someone offered like a shot of cowpole, I'd definitely have it. It's well nice. Told a child to sit on their chair properly. Apparently it's an unfair ask if they've not been used to doing this at home.
I mean, uh, these, these, I'm sure there'll be so many people listening to these, whether the people who don't work in a school will be thinking as if. So if your parents listening to this, this is what I mean, you'll be thinking as if if your school staff listening to this, it's a shame to say it, but it's not that surprising. No, some of these, which is crazy.
The teacher can't spell E.G. I've been to the park when it should be a bin to the park. B-I-N, bin. I once found some cigarettes on the floor in class and so asked who they were. No one unsurprisingly claimed them. A few weeks later, school got a solicitor's letter asking to return them as the pupils property, even though the pupil hadn't even said they were theirs. I guess this is secondary.
Oh, you never know. A solicitor's letter. A solicitor's letter? Over some sickies? That's AI in it. Someone's just gone, write me a solicitor's letter. You're not going to a lawyer for a letter about cigarettes. Who's the solicitor there, though? If they've actually taken that, they must be so desperate for cases. Do you know what? What? If they've not given you Sigs back, I'll do this pro bono. No! No! No!
Um, that I wouldn't go to their house in the evening until their child that they had to put down their phone and go to bed. Oh my God. You are the parents. Yeah. Give some parenting strength. Back when I talk, talk in secondary school, I was humiliated in front of all the staff by the head. Apparently I was teaching business studies too well as the children had a thriving illegal tux shot. Well, we're back. The cartel. The cartel of back knacos with the Harry Bowl.
What was it with the concert band? Yeah. The complaint was they had to stop, but it was my fault it was successful. The rebel in me ensured that this group of entrepreneurs had a safe space to store their business and we were told when they were lockers searches. Oh, so the teacher's complicit? The teacher's head of the table. I didn't do business studies for too long. Anyway, that's from Miss Escobar.
P. Escobar. One thing I remember from business studies was when they talked about the cash cow. Now I'm thinking in that car telling that in this sweet tux shop.
Astro belts the red fizzy belts at the cash cow there. That's what I used to go to Nita for every day at Ambrose. Do you remember the trend where it was those little sherbet tubes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were brutal on your nashes. Oh, God. You'd have growths in the middle of the day, only nashes. She then finishes off with, had I not been blamed, I would not have helped them. More of the moral of the story. Don't complain that a teacher is doing their job too well.
So wait, so she got accused of helping them. Accused of helping and then hell. And then just like, okay. Just to let you know your luck is gonna be expected. A mole on the inside. That is sick of it. Imagine how much you can eat. Can I actually just stay back for a minute? Oh, to listen, right? I've had intel. It's gonna be a one. It's gonna happen about one, right? One. Where should I put them all? I've got a drawer.
Miss were running low on Harry Bose. Second draw. Second draw on the right. Brilliant. Right. I had a parent complain and asked me why their son hadn't got the part of Joseph in the school nativity play since their name was Joseph. Come on. Come on. This is an absolute disgrace.
Adam said, like, what was it in the interview? Did you say? You are? Oh, right. I was going to say, if it was a different player, just be like,
I spent hours writing individual letters for each child from Father Christmas. A parent complained that the letter had only said their child had tried hard to be good at school and at home. And this was upsetting for the child. Been writing the letters for probably 30 years and no one has ever complained about me doing such a nice thing before. It was so tempted to say it wasn't me wrote it. It was Father Christmas. Do you know, you just, uh,
So it just, it makes you realise just how weird some people are in it. I just, as a parent myself, I'm just like, and obviously, you know, working in a school, you know, you have that little sympathy for the school stuff as well, but also you're just a bit like, come on. And like, come on. Like we're there, we're not there for any other reason to try and help you kid.
It really starts to make you realise why the UK have voted in certain ways. Do you know what I mean? When you hear about, oh, why did we vote for something that's all made our lives worse? Then you hear stories like this and you're like, all right, OK. Well, when someone's getting a goddamn solicitor for a couple of cigarette doodles, parents at parents evening, where did you learn English? Is it really hard to understand? I'm a native English speaker, scouts, but was teaching in international school.
Sorry, la. Wasn't that la? You know the reply to me. That I hadn't changed their child reading book for two weeks in September when I was no longer the child's teacher. He's brilliant. I had a complaint from a parent that I wouldn't microwave a rustlers burger every lunchtime to that child.
I mean that you can't be giving you child russellers you can't do it got that i was allowing my year five girls to discuss how we any standards at lunchtime the mother even gave me a list of acceptable topics they could talk about the first one was ponies.
Ponies. Ponies. Imagine they're just like, Oh, did she want Phil Mitchell did last night? No, thank you. Ponies. Well, I don't understand with that. He's like, how are you supposed to enforce that? Go around every little group of girls like what are you talking about? I just say, Phil, I said, yeah, can I help? Can you film a drink? All right. Okay.
We had a parent email to say they were disgusted that there was too much Jesus in the nativity. They wanted to come and enjoy a nice Christmas nativity. We are having the birth of Jesus Christ ram down there. Oh God.
Honestly, I'm enjoying these. I'm enjoying it. My child came to school with her eyebrows this morning and has come home without them. So someone must have taken them. I can assure you her eyebrows were not stolen at school. Her sister had shaved them off the night before and mum hadn't noticed that morning.
that I could have timed my pregnancy better so I could remain their child's teacher until the end of the academic year and not impact their child's academic progress. I mean, the thing is, I'd like to think that that was like a, would you say like a back-handed compliment? Like if they were saying it in Jess, like, oh, you've timed that badly. I'd love just to have seen the year through with my little Jamie. They need to be in like, oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Not if the answer came in like, why the hell are you sleeping with your husband? Yeah.
Do you understand what I was doing to my child? Oh, I just love to, you know, the teacher there sort of being serenaded. Husband making a real effort. Husband thinking, you know, tonight might be the night. Yeah, so that might be the night. And then she's going, sorry. It ain't out then. Because I've got a big Jamie's teacher. Yeah. Jamie has got, so that's good enough. He's only funny level two.
When in the morning, when in the morning, parent asked me to excuse their daughter from pee because she twisted her ankle, then made a complaint in the afternoon because that excluded a daughter from pee story. Oh my god. That is brilliant. That is classic in it.
Like, what else is that mum going, like, got on a plate to not remember that you'd said to the teacher that morning? That's two Mr Pete's all the fame stuff. That is up there in it. Like, as far as parent complaints go, being able to say, ah, she can't do P this afternoon, she's twisted her ankle.
What, you didn't get to do PA? And then you've listened to it. That's the most annoying thing. You've listened and you've gone, all right, okay, yeah, understood. And then the little, you know, the little child's like, how can I do PA? Oh, I'm sorry. No, your mom said you can't cause you, your uncle. Then later on, how dare you stop my daughters? You just, I bet you'd be there. You have to teach you. Just like.
What? Like, you'd watch me like, what? No, that would be one. I wouldn't even, there's no way I'd get asked about that. I'd just be like, wait till I tell this in the staff room. Yeah, that's definitely one where you're like, wait till whoever it is. You could just be like, literally six hours. You told me not to do it. Why do you have so many mugs on your desk? If you have time to have a drink, you aren't teaching enough.
Jesus. Right. Last few decades ago, a lot from a parent. Dear Missy, see, please don't make someone her child. Let's say John, please don't make John have cabbage at lunch time. Oh, she just comes home. Right. Please don't make Jess have cabbage at lunch time. She just comes home with it, stuff down her socks. Oh, cabbage in the socks.
That's a first. Yeah. That was pregnant. And they didn't want their little darling. See, my tummy growers, they weren't to know where babies come from. Insane. They then took their child out of the school. Stop it.
Oh my god. Like she's going to go into the depths of how it became. Do you know what I mean? Sit down children. Story time. She just needs to listen to the podcast. Then you know the answer to that. I swallowed chewing gum. Bubble gum baby. I was signed off with PTSD and depression following a family death and a letter signed by the parents was sent in demanding a date
be given for my return because my absence was impacting detrimentally on their children's education after being pushed into returning earlier than I ought to. On the first day back in the classroom, I had an email from one parent telling me that a child's behavior at home was appalling because I hadn't said goodbye to him before being signed off. I've never disliked a bunch of parents as much as that lot.
There are things more important. Yeah, I also dislike those parents. Also, the parent complained that their child didn't like a certain TA because they had a triangle face. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Triangle face. Imagine how do you approach that? Don't be saying that to Miss Scalene.
Oh my god. We all get treated equally. Do you ever do this? I'm sure everyone does this. Someone told me that though. I don't know if I could keep a state face.
You know, if you see a member of staff, a parent speaking to a member of staff. Yeah. And then the member of staff kind of comes over to you and the parent goes, wait, everyone always goes, is that about everything? All right. He said, don't you imagine that? What was that about? What, you know, the TA? No, the TA came to you. What was that about? What? Please don't corner me.
I don't think I can tell you. I've got the right angle. Oh, goodness. I've got cutting. Well, let me just do these last. I've got a few last, last, last cup on them. I think it's different. I had a dad who complained we were not teaching children what a healthy stool looked like. Healthy stool.
look like as part of the curriculum and he felt it was essential, he went on to describe in detail how he had some pictures of healthy and unhealthy stools that I could borrow from my person. Thanks, but no thanks. It was one of many uncomfortable moments with this parent. Oh God, well if he's bringing pictures of stools, now if people don't for some reason don't know what that is. It's crap. It's human crap. Oh my God. I wonder where the, I'm guessing the pictures were is.
Well, this is what led to them. Where did he get the pictures? What was it? That old psych called right back to? Yeah, he'd have been on their scrolling. Oh God, I told the parent I was really really pleased with their child's reading progress and she practically shouted at me and said well, I don't know How am I supposed to know? I don't even read with him. I just replied. No, but I do
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Do you know what though? I'd have leaned into it, I'd have played into it like actually, yeah I did. Yeah. I did get pregnant in the clue. Up in the clue. Up in the clue. In the clue, we all fam. Once after teaching aliens love underpants, a parent called and complained that I was teaching children's Scientologists beliefs. Oh, come on! Oh my days! Like some cruisers, I know, for jumping up and down and then I'll seat your chair. Some cruisers and John Travolta in their undies. Yeah.
That's the way we do it round. I don't think it is, you know. Keep them coming, guys. Keep them coming. Right, I've just got a little bit of a mix here of stories that have been sent to me or comments that have been put on some of the posts that I've posted recently.
A child in my reception class today said, put my coat on. I replied, what's the magic word? And without hesitation, she used her index finger as a wand and said, hocus pocus. Abracadabra. Um, at least this did make me laugh before. I once asked the pupil, what forehead three was? He replied, why don't you know?
Child swinging on a chair TA four legs on the floor, please Child well the chairs got four legs and I've got two legs, which floor do you want on the floor?
Now, this was sent to me by Lisa Wright, and I think it was first, just before Christmas, it's not Christmas related necessarily. But I thought, I'll better get it in now, because I don't want this one to go, because this is good. Here is a massive O. Now, if you need to the podcast, an O is just a cringy, horrible mistake. Yeah, just an embarrassing thing you come out with that's so beyond stupid. Yeah, it's just pure, just
Stupid yeah, let's blame the teacher tired and crazy time of the year my deputy head forgot to order the little 2025 calendar fobs that get stuck to the children craft calendar for this time of year have been the most useless calendar Yep, but not a problem. She was very pleased with herself quick shopping on Amazon proudly turn everyone in the staff room I've managed to order some 2025 calendar fobs and I've even ordered double so I'll have enough for next year
My sister was a reception teacher. She was meeting all the new kids, asking all the usual things to get to know them better and their home dynamics. What does your daddy do?
She asked one little boy who proudly told her, my daddy sells drugs. She was beyond shocked. A genuine drug dealer. She was beyond shocked. The little boy then told her daddy was picking him up from school when he'd finished selling his drugs.
My sister told one of her colleagues and they decided to go to the school gates with the little boy at home time and meet this drug dealer before they decided on an ex-plamom action. See bombs at the ready. Indeed he did sell drugs. He was a rep for a pharmacy school company. It is.
Hi, my name is Miss Kitchen. And I'm a TA in a primary school. I hope you don't mind me telling you this funny story. Oh, this story, best cook to look after an SCN child, which I don't normally do, but I was very excited to try. I spent the afternoon in the library with the child. It was a lovely afternoon. Anyway, the head teacher asked me how I had gotten on.
I explained that one of the things we had done was put the circular footstool on its side so we could roll it backwards and forwards. I told her I was thrilled when the child found some teddies, then put them on top of each other, then rolled the footstool and said the words. I then said to, then we tossed the teddies off. We locked eyes.
And I started laughing with nerves. She said, do you mean push them off? I said, yeah, that's what I mean. And then she said, she did have a little giggle luckily. That's well funny. She should have given well more cred there.
Um, have a support for learning colleague who asked her kids during mass what they know about the number 22, their answer. It's a Taylor Swift song. Oh, nice. We had a police woman visit the school once. It was a bad idea because she was showing her cuffs and a baton and pepper spray to catch the bad guys, which already frightened the kids. Shortly after her presentation, she looked to my kids and says, any questions? One child's hand shoots right up and said, why did you arrest my dad?
explain yourself. The officer started stuttering. So I quickly interrupted with her next question, hoping it would be a sensible one. The second hand shoots up to my relief, he says, how long does it take you to get dressed? The officer politely answers, I'm hoping the third person has an intelligent question. But he then asked, did you want to be a fireman when you grew up?
Just thought I'd share this story to make your day. I'm an LSA. That's a learning support assistant, yeah. At primary school, at break time the other day, the whistle went. The children have to stop at this point, wait for a second whistle to line up. We have a similar thing. A child in my class came up to me and started shaking up and down and said, look miss, I'm a vibrator.
Got a funny one for you. I'm a year one teacher and joined English. I could hear my TA trying to help a child using phonics. After hearing my TA say something multiple times, I had to go and ask what word they were trying to spell. As I was deeply intrigued, I kept hearing jiz. When I asked what they were trying to spell, my TA said, sausages. Last one from me.
My name is Mrs Barton. I had a reception child who kept getting my surname wrong. At the top of his voice when I walked in, he said, good morning, Miss Bastit. Great days, great days.
Right, that brings us to the end of another episode. Thank you so much for listening. If you have a story similar to what you've heard that you think will give us a good giggle, head over to the website to MrP's podcast.com and share them all anonymously there. You can also get your tickets for the live tour. That's going to be happening. We've got links to all the books.
And of course, you can get involved with the chat on the Facebook group or followers on the socials. So Massey, thank you for listening. Please keep sharing the pod as well. So friends, colleagues, let's keep growing, let's keep building. And yeah, we'll see you next week. Take care.
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