Jackie Schimmel: Confident Girls > Mean Girls (FBF)
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November 29, 2024
TLDR: Jackie Schimmel discusses her personal evolution, working with fake UCLA diploma, handling adult mean girls, grief from losing her mom, and defending ankle boots on Call Her Daddy.

In this exciting episode of "Call Her Daddy," Jackie Schimmel joins host Alex Cooper to discuss her remarkable evolution from an awkward preteen to a confident creator of the popular podcast The Bitch Bible. The episode dives deep into personal stories, humor, and poignant life lessons.
From Awkward Beginnings to Bold Confidence
Jackie reflects on her childhood, often described as anything but glamorous:
- Wore headgear and dealt with gingivitis in her formative years.
- Captured the essence of not fitting in during school but learned to embrace her uniqueness as she grew older.
- Shares a humorous anecdote about how she once faked a UCLA diploma just to secure a job. Her audacity speaks volumes about her confidence.
Dealing with Adult Mean Girls
A significant portion of the conversation centers around navigating adult relationships, particularly with mean women. Jackie and Alex engage in an insightful dialogue about:
- Mean Girls as Adults: They discuss how adult mean girls often stem from deep-seated insecurities, leading them to project negativity onto others.
- Handling Mean Behavior: The duo shares advice on confronting mean girls with directness and humor. Jackie emphasizes the power of self-deprecation as a strategy to diffuse tension.
- Personal Experiences: Both Jackie and Alex recount instances where they had to deal with mean comments and the importance of maintaining their confidence.
Grief Management and Life Lessons
Jackie's personal journey takes a serious turn as she opens up about the loss of her mother.
- Navigating Grief: Jackie discusses the complexity of grief and how humor has been her coping mechanism. She advises those dealing with loss to feel validated but warns against lingering in victimhood.
- What NOT to Say to Someone in Grief:
- Avoid clichés like "Everything happens for a reason."
- Resist the urge to compare your own experiences of loss, especially if they’re not equivalent.
- Just be present and offer authentic support.
Celebrating Body Positivity and Feminine Confidence
In a light-hearted segment, Jackie passionately defends the ankle boot trend against popular critique, showing the importance of personal style confidence.
- She insists on wearing what makes you feel good, even when trends suggest otherwise.
- This segment reflects a larger theme of female empowerment and the notion of being unapologetically oneself.
Takeaway Tips for the Audience
Listeners can take away valuable insights from this lively discussion:
- Confidence is Key: Embrace your journey and don’t be afraid to stand out, even if it means making unconventional choices.
- Encoding Humor in Life's Challenges: Use humor as a coping mechanism in difficult situations.
- Constructive Responses to Mean Girls: Approach mean-spirited behavior with humor and directness. Don't be afraid to set boundaries.
- Navigating Grief: Understand that everyone grieves differently, and it's okay to process on your terms without needing external validation.
The episode is filled with laughter, personal anecdotes, engaging conversations, and a plethora of advice that empowers listeners to embrace their authentic selves above all else.
This summary captures the essence of the discussion with Jackie Schimmel, highlighting her journey, humor, and impactful life lessons.
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What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper. We call her Daddy Gang.
Okay, Jackie Shimmel, welcome to Color Daddy. Oh, are we on? We're on. Oh, fuck yeah. I figured we have Henry Leo, can you maybe come and... Richard! Richard! Richard! Oh my God. Richard, come here. Treats? Wait, look at his body. It baffles me. He's so low to the ground. It's crazy. Look at his body type. Like, how do you explain his body type? I would say, come here. Leo, get your ass over here. Come here, baby bitch.
I would say that he is reverse pear shaped and his father is pear shaped.
And he's reverse pear shaped. Are you talking about his father as in your husband? Yes. Andrew is pear shaped. He's 100% pear shaped. He should know. I dated a guy that was pear shaped once. It's not bad. I don't love the shaping element. And speaking of shaping, I am wearing burlap pants. It's 100 degrees. I feel like I have a white woman's like cocktail reception in my vagina. They look great. They look great.
Itchy in the wrong places. So you're a fellow podcaster. Yeah, and I was thinking about this someone I asked people to write in like what do you guys want us to talk about and God and People were like, how are you guys friends? And I'm like, how do we that's rude. Yeah. No. No. How are you guys? Like how did you guys become friends? Like no, they're not like how the fuck are the two of you? I'm like it kind of makes a lot of sense. You guys don't get it like we're kind of similar at all. No, and I was like how
How did we become friends? Okay, I totally know how this happened. Tell us. Also, I love that I'm drinking ice coffee. I never do this before, but I figured I'm so comfortable with you that if I need to shit my pants during the interview, I can- A full gallon of matcha and I probably will shit, but you won't know because I'm wearing
burlap pants. What are burlap pants? You know like when you go to like a sad live left love wedding and they have like those burlap tablecloths at the cocktail hour? Yeah yeah you're wearing them. Oh yeah like I get that. That looks like beach house vibes actually. They're Gucci fuck off.
I actually love when you're wearing designer, but you have to clarify their design. I know, it's sad. They don't appear designer. No, they really do. No, they do. They're like itchy and like vague. You need to pull this down. I need to see your face. You look great today. Yeah, you do. Don't you podcast for a living? Yeah, but I don't do video.
Oh, that is by clearing concise design, honey. I will say that's one of my least favorite things about doing video is I've had to start putting like makeup on. Like a little tinted moist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even for a solo. Those are, I'm definitely, I look worse. What's going on with the flowers in here? It's so bad. Like what's happening? What is this? Let me just be so clear. Why are they so erect? No, speaking of Midwest cocktail hour. Well, maybe so clear. I'm marrying your cousin. What is going on?
Okay, you know, this is a good conversation to start off with. Yeah. My set, I started with like a vision. What was that vision? Can we just get some like hot pink orchids? Okay. Aren't you rich? Here's the issue. We start, I started with the vision of like big cozy comfy chairs.
What is that turquoise face? This is called a daddy. Turst type balls. It's like an urn. It's like a sad low bud shiva in here.
Okay, let me explain to you. Oh, sorry. I'm so happy someone called out because every time someone comes in here They're like it's so cute in here. I'm like it looks like a grandmother's room No, I like this you like this. I don't understand what's happening with your floral concept
Richard, it's okay. It's anxiety. It's okay. Richard is having a panic attack and Henry is like, get the fuck away from me. Are you okay? Are you okay? We just need a break. Do you want to hold him?
It's okay, Richard. Don't fucking embarrass me. I love how Henry has like zero give a box. Okay, we're swerving. Can I have to put my feet on here? Please, it's fine. We're gonna get rid of these chairs anyways. Okay, so when I design this room, I really had a vision where I had a vision where the chairs, I think we need to take your dog to the fence. No, he does this all the time. It literally is like he gets overwhelmed.
We went to the Bahamas a couple years ago and he was in such emotional distress that we left him that he had like a whole anxiety condition. We almost put him on Prozac.
How the fuck are we friends? How do we become friends? Okay, you know what's so funny? I don't even know if you remember this. We met during the pandemic in person and we had DM'd a couple times. Now, I didn't know who you were, but I knew that you and your ex
partner had this show I had a herd of collar daddy and then you had DM'd me a couple times I think or maybe maybe your ex partner had DM'd me a couple times and I ignored them because I'm a lovely person and then somehow during the pandemic I think we started talking on Instagram. Yes.
and following each other and then, like, so annoying, met up, became, like, internet friend, and then did a podcast swap. I will never forget how bad that podcast was because you didn't know what a swap was. I had no idea I'll never do again. It was so... Who's calling me? This is so unprofessional. I mean, you would never do this with Hailey Bieber.
I would have my phone in the different room. Meanwhile, I'm like, hold on, let me check. She would have fresh florals. The urns would be put away. This is some bullshit. You know what? No, you're right. That's how we became friends. First, we started as podcast friends. And then after we podcasted, I remember we were like, huh. We like each other. And then we had the connection where you know my boyfriends through childhood. Yes. And it's like a whole thing. Right. So it ended up working out. And then like family friends and stuff. 100%. But you know, as a podcaster, you meet a lot of fucking people.
I don't fuck with that many people. I really don't. And you keep coming back around to me. Yeah, I like you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I appreciate you coming on because I'm desperate for a guest right now. We're on the holidays. We can't get anyone. Don't you even look me in the eye and say desperate for a guest or I will shank you in the backyard. Desperate for a guest, Alex Cooper. You are like, I don't have guests. No, you know what? That's, I wanted to say,
Anyone that is new you have balls. Oh, no, you've got a big vagina massive massive And don't you always talk about how you have to put like multiple? But you know what? Here's the thing and if there's one thing that I want to say on collar daddy today is that my vagina is not wide it is shallow so for a lot of
I have a very shallow vagina and I'm a woman of extreme efficiency. So like, I don't understand light girly. It's like, you go to fucking CVS and you're getting tampon lights. We already have to deal with the pink tax. Now I'm having my glorious stina moment. Get ready for it. Oh, we love it. We already have to pay the pink tax. All boxes of tampons are the same price. Okay, so why would you go light when you can go ultra?
Just from a fiscal standpoint. You buy the Ultra's? Fuck yeah. I will, I have fit two Ultra's inside of me. Side by side, like fighter pilot jets. Like fucking top gun. One time I bought, I thought I was buying super and I realized I bought super plus and I was like, oh this is like in the big leagues. I didn't even know there was Ultra. I can raw dog Ultra's.
And you think about it, okay, you're either like changing lights every 20 minutes or you alter that shape. You're ready to rumble. You could fly to fucking Abu Dhabi. Have you ever bled through an ultra? Fuck yeah. Yeah, okay. That's good. Came out of me. Slid down the mountain. Isn't that the worst when you have a tampon and you can feel it's coming out? There it is. Let me tell you something. I was coming back from Paris a few months ago.
and I had an ultran because I'm, you know, a feminist and I was going through customs and I thought I was good to go because I did like a mid-flight switcheroo and thank god I was wearing a jogger pant with an elastic ankle because something happened during customs where I was like she is she has left my body and it fell out and it was just pooling at my ankle
Sorry, I know her throat's closing up. This is really disgusting. Are you saying that your ultra tampon popped out of your vagina and slow and steady? Like a ski toboggan And I was like I was trying to like
like tilt my pelvic floor and like keel it back in. But it had the ultra head left. We end up sitting at the bottom of essentially the elastic pocket of your jogger. And what did you do? Because customs, there ain't no movement. You're like I said, thank God I had an elastic ankle and I just moved low and slow. Like I was just like, were you with your husband? No, I was alone.
which is kind of unfortunate because I would have loved to have that experience together. I actually agree with you. When something funny or embarrassing or just out of body is happening, when you're alone, it can be even worse slash funnier because you're like, you're going through the internal self dialogue of like, what do I do? What do I do? It would intend better. And then she pops out.
Where are we going? What am I going to do? Where are we going from here? Do I just turn a blind eye and keep on moving with my fucking passport? Or do I pick it up? I don't know. And I almost wanted to tell people in the line because I thought it was so hilarious. I will say to anyone listening, if you're having a bad day, just think that you've never had an ultra slip out of your and ultra win mattress.
Come out of your vagina and slip down your leg. When did you take it out? Oh, I went, I like, well, I didn't run because I couldn't run, but I did a very slow stroll to the bathroom and yeah, I want you to like
Take me through iterations of yourself through life. So like start at like young Jackie. No, like a Barbara. No, no, no, no, but like, do you know what I'm saying? Like bring me back to young Jackie and walk us through. So people can really get to know like who you are and the evolution of you.
I am embarrassed to say that my evolution has been pretty non-evolutionized. I have been kind of the same my whole life. It was just about what I was able to get away with. Because when you do have adhesive head gear in gingivitis and you're like, things aren't landing the same way when you're in seventh grade is when you're 32. You know what I mean? It's taken years for me to like,
Fully be like all caps myself in public but as a kid I was super obnoxious. I was annoying as fuck I hated socializing but like I did the things I didn't want to be a loser um
but I was always like, I loved doing like characters and I was always like doing bits and I was like just annoying as fuck. Like my parents were like literally go play on the freeway. Like that was like a, like I wasn't allowed to be in the house, which is interesting because now I have this like weird thing where I can't be home from 10 to four, like I have to be out of the house. Cause I have like this weird like nail energy about it and I just don't like festering at home. It makes me feel like a loser. Where do you go? Anywhere.
And I'll sit in parking lots. I don't care. I do not like being home. Wait, what? It's the weirdest thing. Wait, okay, so can you? So as a kid, my parents were like, get the fuck out of the house. And you just go. Oh, I would. I mean, self amusement is truly like
The rhythm of my dance floor like I Love being alone. I love being untethered. I like doing weird shit. I don't care I never have cared if other people get it or think it's funny It like you just said it makes it funnier when nobody else understands what's going on
So true. Someone DM'd me. I posted something the other day where I was like, it's not that revolutionary. Like, I'm just alone a lot. Someone messaging me like, I love how like you and Jackie always make me feel better because you guys are just always alone. And like doing shit alone, you guys feel so comfortable alone. And I'm like, why would I want to be with anyone else? You have a husband, I have a partner. I'm like, why would I ever want to be with anyone else? I feel like the most myself
when, and like comfortable. And yes, I do have like slight OCD tendencies as diagnosed by a licensed professional. But I feel like so alive and present when I'm by myself. I do too. I don't feel like I gotta start tap dancing. Yes, yes. And I'm happier. Me too.
Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye guys. Gotta go. No, I appreciate that. Can you explain what gingivitis is? And also, sure. Did you have to publicly wear an adhesive headgear? No, only, no, no, no. I didn't. But like sleepovers weren't a thing. I did have like those rubber vans that like really, and unfortunately, I've always loved a mixed metal. So I would go like gold
silver, like brackets, like on my braces. Okay, so you had. Genevitis is a condition, a dental medical condition in which you have hypersensitive inflamed gums. So I had an allergy to the cement on the braces, you know? So my gums, like I had no teeth. It was just gum and metal. And then I would have to get my braces off every month, which is why I had them for almost five years, because I needed to let the gums brief.
Yeah, and they were just bleed constantly. I just always I mean bleeding out of my vagina bleeding out of my gums It's a why do I feel like that made you this is so insulting. Why do I feel like that made you?
a mouth breather.
I was, it was a lot. Okay, so you were a mouth breather. You had gingivitis. You had it, had gear. But I was like in on it. And I was also hugged a lot as a kid. So I was like, I would come home. Like if I ever had like any type of insecurity, you're like, I said that, you know, like in middle school, I wasn't super cute, but I had, I really like leaned in. You got it. You got the joke. I was like, whatever. I'm like, who wants to be hot in middle school? How embarrassing.
That's something where I remember where people were trying to expose me for my younger photos. And at first, like, as I like knock on through therapy, I was like, oh, so ugly, like I was so awkward. And I was like, I felt like I was doing whack-a-mole to like try to get people to not know what I looked like. And then I was like, how incredible to know that I didn't fucking peek in middle school, you dumb bitches. Like, how great, how great.
It's so not that big of a deal. And it's like why, when you see people's middle school photos, most of the people, this is so fucked up, sorry, but most of the people that were like- We're unapologized to meet Cooper. Okay, most of the people that were like the hot chicks in middle school are now addicted to like- Meth. It didn't go well. Exactly. And I think, listen, if you're listening and you're a beauty queen since day one-
Fuck you. Yeah, I was gonna say we you know we fuck you and also like I even now I don't really think I don't put like a lot of weight on how I look like that's not where I get self-esteem at all talk about that um I don't know. I mean I think that like I've
I'm lucky that I had a good childhood, and I've always felt pretty secure-ish, and I just have never thought that that was a sustainable way to get self-esteem. I just don't think that's the thing that people should aspire to get attention for. I agree. I think granted I'm gorgeous. You're like, don't get it wrong. I just want you to know if you're not watching the video. I also happen to be super cute.
If you're listening to this quickly, just tune in, you will swerve off the road if you see this beauty sitting across from me. You will get a boner that will go through your windshield. However, no, I have met some of the most beautiful people in the world that I think are fucking busted because they're so boring. And especially nowadays, in 2022,
I think we really need to prioritize like some fucking personality and opinions. Because I'm bored with everybody on the fucking internet. It's called shelf life. Have fun. When I was doing research for this, which was minimal, I wrote down something that I thought was interesting and I was like, I thought I knew you. And apparently I don't know you at all. And I was like, I think Jackie Schimmel is
subtly a version of Anadabi. And then it really clicked. I was like, this bitch bought her fucking art there and on this together. You faked a college diploma from UCLA to get a job. Can you please confirm and clarify? And first of all, I just want to be clear, I wasn't like going on to Jackie's shit trying to find out if she's been arrested. It's like on your website. You're like, I faked my college diploma. So first of all, did you ever attend UCLA? No.
Okay, but I lived in off-campus housing. Like I somehow was able, it was a different time. I was able to get to the UCLA like roommate housing site. What? Yeah, and I lived with all UCLA students like in an off-campus like housing.
Okay, establish. I need you. I think that when I was reading about that, I was like, okay, I have cheated on tests. Of course. And I've gone to extreme lengths of like cheating and I got caught a couple of times, but I feel like it takes a certain level of like sick, like.
no fear of consequences to fake and to give someone a resume that you're applying for a job and be like, I went to UCLA here, how did you come up with this? How did you make it happen and are you good at Photoshop? You know what? Photoshop didn't exist back then, but I did have the paint app, Humblebrag. So you created a fake diploma from UCLA? I had gone to community college for literally one day.
Couldn't have been like less interested. I was like, this is terrible. I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA. Wow. It's like my favorite thing to drop in. Wait, really? Literally, yeah. Just no interest in school. None. None. No drive. No. No concern that like you wouldn't get a job? No, I wasn't like thinking that far. I kind of just figured like, I'll just like get in there and like, you know,
Whatever. The confidence? Delusion. The fact that you were like one point whatever the fuck GPA. How do you even also even get that? It's actually quite an accomplishment. You basically have to fail everything. It's like straight Ds. It's like Ds and Cs, yeah.
for four years. So then you go to community colleges for one day. For one day could not be bothered. I was like, this is not my fucking journey. So I actually lied to my parents for like a year and said that I was going to college and I doctored. That's how I got my paint app Photoshop skills. I was faking report cards and my parents were like very hands off. They trusted me way too much. Like they like weren't asking questions. They weren't like how was like they just didn't ask about it. What the fuck were you doing during this time? You know?
There was this amazing cheese shop. What? Downtown. I was cooking, I was eating, I was drinking boxed wine, I was like going on walks, I was, I don't know what the... You didn't even have a job. No. And then eventually, while I was lying to my parents, I got an internship.
So then I, and then lied to them and said I was graduating college, but I was only a sophomore and then they offered me a job. And that just kind of started, kick started my fraudulent life. And then you literally just started giving people saying you went to UCLA.
How I'm interested to know, because I think when you start a lie, it can tumble, tumble, tumble. Yeah. How far did you, were you buying like, Bruins UCLA gear? Like, whoa, go Bruins! Like, what? Like, whoa! Well, I only was lying to like, human resources or like, people like, super high up that I wasn't with every day. So like, every, by the way, I have no fucking chill. I am like the most, I have borderline Tourette's, where I have to tell everyone everything all the time. Right.
So I think that's, it was a real learning curve, but everyone that I was working with, like kind of kind of interesting. And then HR didn't. No, and it didn't really, it didn't really cause a problem until I started working at like a really.
you know, esteemed financial institution where they did this little thing called hot tip employment verification. So part of that is they call all the admissions offices and then they like confirm your degree. And what happened? Well, the good news is that I was in charge of employment verification. So I just kept taking mine and putting it at the bottom of the list. Stop. And then did it you ever get caught? No.
I'm gonna honestly say I respect it because I think it takes a level of... I don't know the word. Like, it's really a ballsy move that I don't think a lot of people could pull off. Like, what would be the worst that could happen? Oh no, I'd get fired from my receptionist gig at the financial institution where it was miserable all day. Like, no, you're right, I guess it's actually really innovative and crafty. Where do you get your confidence from? Um...
I think that I myself all the time, and I like myself, and I understand that not everyone is gonna fuck with me, and that's totally cool. I appreciate that because I feel like it takes, I feel like no one says, like, I like myself. Because now you're an narcissist and you're an egomaniac, it's like, no, I just like myself, I've gotta live with myself here. Totally.
I don't think I'm the prettiest person in the entire world. I don't think I'm necessarily that smart. I don't think I'm the funniest person. I don't think any of those things about myself. I'm just happy I get to do the thing as me. Because what else am I going to be miserable? I'm going to wake up and be like, God, do you have a jack? You need veneers. Whatever. Who cares? That's such a waste of time. Let's talk about the real reason you're here today.
You are here, I'm actually sweating too. You're here to defend a woman's right to wear an ankle boot. Oh, yes.
For anyone that has no idea what I'm fucking talking about, Morgan Stewart came on the podcast. That fucking bitch came on my podcast and had the audacity to fuck up my every single person that works at Call Her Daddy ruined. I've been on team zooms of people being like, Alex, what am I supposed to do? Do I have to throw out my ankle boots? Let me just clarify to anyone that has no idea what we're talking about. Morgan Stewart came on Call Her Daddy and basically took a hard stance against ankle boots.
I have a lot of thoughts about this. I have known Morgan and love her dearly for years and years. A very good friend. And I know that when Morgan assassinated the ankle boot.
In early November of 2022, I can close my eyes and envision what she was talking about. I think she's thinking of like a round toe, Louboutin, chunky heel, like club rat one oak shoe. Oh, okay. I will say as a woman with very long femurs, I'm talking about myself.
and gorgeous sculpted chins talking about myself, that I look very good in an ankle boot.
dare I say, stunning leg porn, only fans. So this is controversial because she said not even, how do you say her name? Irina Shank. Shank. Shank would look good. So you're essentially saying you are more gorgeous on the lower house than Irina Shank. I do suffer with dermatitis on my legs, so I'm working on it. But.
I fuck with an ankle boot. Now Morgan has since specified. No, I'm going to call her. Let's call her. I just sent Morgan my location. Come through, bitch. Oh, wow. Okay, let's call her. That is drama. It's very drama. I'm like, where are you? Roll up. She should be nervous. What else is she doing? She's just got some kids, whatever. I'm a big whoop. Wow.
Oh! Hi Morgan! Hey, Morgan! Hi! I'm putting you on my not doing this right. Okay, here I am. I'm so stressed out. I got it. So, currently you're being recorded. I'm being recorded. Okay, I like it. I like it. I like it. And I'm sitting across from Jackie Schimmel.
We love her. We've been talking shit on you for 20 minutes. Yep. Have you? No, you guys like me too much to do that. Okay, we need you to settle ankle gate, ankle boot gate. I just want to let you know the amount of women that have now thrown out all of their ankle boots because of you. It's been honestly an uproar that's happened. And I want to give you the chance to clarify. What did you mean? What did you mean, Morgan? This is
The Oprah said she wasn't kidding me anymore. This is the one I've done to the ankle boot industry. Like I did not realize this is and your friends closet are flooded. It's very clear.
First of all, to use our dear friend Jackie as an example from dinner, a flat combat boot is not the ankle boot I was referring to. I was referring to the black suede heeled ankle boot with the inner zipper, where the zippers inside the boot. And the only real issue I have is when that is being used as a heel and it is an exposed ankle boot. Like an ankle boot with a sheer tight and a mini skirt, not doesn't work. Doesn't work.
Okay, okay, I actually want to go ahead and say, I agree with you. I agree with that. Thank you. Okay, okay, because I think this is the thing. How many people wear an ankle boot and then there's like, your pant goes over it and you're wearing a fucking boot with a gene. Great, great. You don't know. Fine, no problem with that. But when you're wearing... But when you're wearing a dress or a skirt or even shorter gene... It's a little 2012. Yeah, it's like Aldo, Steve Madden, we're giving... It doesn't work.
We're giving you an Inland Empire Nordstrom. And also just to be very clear, so everybody at home understands, is you're also wearing a skinny black pant or jean and it fits into the ankle boot. You still don't tuck the pant into the boot. Okay. Okay. Unless it's a baggie of ankle boot and it's like an Isabelle Moron style, that
I was just gonna use that as a counter argument. Oh, oh, oh. I literally, Morgan Stewart, I was just gonna say, as someone with gorgeous shins, you know how Isabelle Morant does that little dip in the front? That little dip dip? Me looking good in the dip dip. Yeah, so Jackie's been bragging about her shins. Oh, we just hung up. Okay, apparently you're important. Bye.
I don't know if I hung up on her or her phone died. Goodbye, Morgan. You've already had your time on Call or Die. This is Jackie. This is about you, Morgan. This is about me. OK, so I actually think that clarifies a lot, and I don't feel better about it. I'm really not just now I'm not going to answer her if she calls. I think I feel better. Do you still stand by though? Are you going to go to an event with a dress and an ankle boot?
I would never wear a healed ankle boot. Okay, me neither. I would wear like a Western style ankle boot with like a little bit of a heel. Yeah. But not like a stiletto ankle boot. Of course not. Now I could never. I mean, even if I was, I would lie about it. Right, of course. I don't want Morgan to harass and bully me. It's really interesting to see how powerful that conversation was. And I'm like, Jackie, are you going to say anything today that is going to traumatize my audience? Probably. Let me get myself some water. I know. I've been screaming about ankle boots. Hold on.
I'll put this in the cute cup. Oh wow paper straws. I'll give you a fucking hot take Fuck the turtles. I like plastic straws
Although I actually agree with you in terms of- By the way, I love that that's like the most controversial thing you could ever say. I was at like a fucking dinner and I said something like it was like an influencer dinner. We don't, we'll never talk about it again. I'm so embarrassed. You went to one of them? I only went to one and then I got like basically kicked out and I said something about like bring back the plastic straws and it was like I had just said like I had done like a hail Hitler or something like it was like
It was like the whole, like there was like a rogue wave of shame and disappointment. And these girls were like, that's just like not cool. And I'm like, I can't make a joke about plastic straws. I cut them up when I'm done to save little baby Franklin. You know, Franklin? Of course I know. I think you're right. There's bigger issues of how to solve the issues with the environment. Like stop going on your private planes. Oh, yeah. How about that? Let's like tackle bigger issues. Yeah. Yeah. You think you're superior because you
Suck out of a paper limptych straw that's compostable. Yeah. Me too. I love it. Love it. Show it out. No, single use plastics, guys. Okay, so let's talk about our dinner the other night. We'll start with this.
We went to Tower Bar, which is like a great place to go, right? Great vibe, dark. We had a great conversation about mean girls and like adult mean girls. And we're not talking about the movie mean girls. I'm talking about like real life women that are- They're like bitches. Yes. I want to know how do you define a mean girl?
I think a main girl is probably someone that's dealing with insecurities and therefore is deeply threatened and put off by people who feel like it highlights what they dislike about themselves.
I think a mean girl is someone who projects a very different version of themselves to the public and then, you know, behind closed doors is just like spewing mad shit that says nothing about the other person, it's all about them or someone who, someone who can't be friends with someone who's doing better than them is a fucking mean girl. I completely agree with, I think every single thing you do. Or dudes, dudes are the same way. It takes like, if you can't,
be happy for someone that's doing better than you, or has something that you want, and there's not, there should never be a sting. I don't feel like there should be a lingering sting. I agree with you, and something I was thinking about was like, I agree with you on the mean girl thing. I think there's such a deep rooted insecurity, and it almost feels like there's an underlying anger in them. Everybody deals with feeling like they're not enough, or they're not.
funny, it's smart, successful, whatever it is, everybody has those feelings. You need to buck up, grab your vagina, and differentiate that how your feeling has no merit to what other people are doing. You need to be like this. You need to like
What do you do like I just find that to be it's so embarrassing listen I think there is a different level of like everyone talk shit. It's a bonding technique a it's therapeutic Yeah, and it's really not that big of a fucking deal You can tell when someone's talking shit, and it's like a genuine like
Oh, you're like really upset about this. If you're like, bother? Yes, like it's a joke. Yeah, like we're chilling. You're too close to it if you're so bothered. How would you handle a mean girl who you can tell is like genuinely trying to like make you feel like shit?
Um, I think, like, in any situation, you have to get ahead of it and, like, directness is always the best way. It throws people off, especially you get one of those kinds of girls that's, like, really trying to, like, whip and nay-nay and, like, fuck you up. You, like, you want to dance. Let's start fencing, like, the parent trap. Like, you want to play. Let's fucking play. I'll stab you right in the eyeball. We're not doing this dance.
So I like to nip shit in the bud and let them know what time it is. Like I'm, I see, we're watching a different movie. You're watching Mean Girls and I'm watching Poltergeist. You know what I mean? Like I do not
Fuck like that. So what the fuck would you say to someone? I'd be like, what is your intent here? Are you trying to like, you just have to like get a pie bean flashlight and just roll and be like, like, what is your agenda here? Just cutting, right? Cause I think people could also argue like just killing people with kindness. If that's your journey.
That's personally not mine. Also, I will say, I think sometimes with my energy, I'm like, I just don't have the energy for you. Be a bitch, and I'm literally like, this is so embarrassing for you. Then you can just sit like a little Shiva and you just clip it. We're not friends. I've had people write in and I'm like, if someone's being a bitch to me, you can really just say, hey, Caroline. Caroline, I don't know anyone. Caroline, what's the agenda of this conversation? Yeah. What's your agenda? Or what my dad always told me is, what's your point? Yeah. What's your point?
Because then they're like, well my point, no, no, no. What's your actual point? Where are we going here? And there's something that's so off putting about being like very brazen in a conversation when you can feel that someone's trying to like mince you and put you into a corner to say something. So you look stupid or embarrass you.
Just you just lean the fucking go harder and humor diffuses everything and is like the ultimate like It's just it's the card. It's the card that always fucking wins You're right. You're right. So you can diffuse anything and say exactly what you need to and make it like Light fluffy and not drama because I don't play that game either. There's nothing more cringe and embarrassing You don't be the girl crying at a dinner because like Katie from Milwaukee hurt your feelings because she doesn't like your ankle boots
Making it about me. No, literally. I get what you're saying. Just take control of the narrative, make it funny, and be unbothered. How do we make it funny?
How do you make it funny? I think you get ahead of it. I think like self-deprecation always really works. But like if someone said, say some, say a girl's in a room with everyone and like a guy didn't end up texting the girl back and her friends a fucking mean girl asshole and she's like, yeah, well, Johnny didn't text Sarah back all. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, it's probably because I have herpes. Like, oh, it's probably because I have like small tits and no ass and like it's something like making fun of yourself that you're just. It's probably because I have herpes, but like I'll just like kill him tonight.
And you, Kirsten. You just like, get ahead of it, be like, yeah, oh my God, what will I do? I'm probably just gonna like, die alone, cause I'm just like, so unfocable. And you say that, maybe not that exact thing, but you say like, yeah, I'm gonna die alone, right? Kirsten, what's your point? Yeah, Kirsten, do you feel good? Yay, Kirsten. Yeah, Kirsten. You're like, Kirsten, you good now? It's very Richard, and he and me. You look cooler to everyone in the room, we good now, Kirsten. Okay, let's all go back to having a good time.
What do you think is a character flaw of yours? Oh, without a doubt, no hesitation. I can lack empathy. I can be very, very unempathetic towards myself and towards everybody else.
I don't have like an amazingly large sensitivity chip. So sometimes now I've learned to just fake it a little bit. Because it's the best I can do. But I don't really have like the threshold.
to sit at a lunch and like hear my girlfriend complain about her boyfriend over and over and then they break up and then they get back and then she hates him and then it's happening and then I have little to zero empathy for like and even things that are worse than that. Like I'm a little decent. You're gonna be more like the friend that's like, okay, so we've had this conversation 10 times. We can't talk about this anymore. Like you gotta break up with him or shut the fuck up.
Do you think that comes more with like experience and age? I think it comes from a lot of things. I think I'm like pre-disposition to just be like that. I've kind of always been like that, which is terrible. And then I've like been through shit. I lost my mom pretty suddenly. I've been through like a lot of like seemingly traumatic events. And I don't use those like as a
I don't know I just and you're not supposed to do this. You're never supposed to like compare like traumas or tragedies, but like I would I just I think that a lot of complaining is so counter productive
I actually can totally see where you're coming from. My best friend had lost her father. And I remember having a conversation with her where she was like, everything now just sounds so dumb. Like dumb. Like, shut the fuck up.
Oh my god. And then like, I mean, you'll get friends that call you that need to talk about like something that is so trivial. And if you're someone who doesn't like, I, and I'm working on it, but I would, I'm not someone who like leans on people. I've tried. I've been better about it. But like, I don't like attention for sad stuff.
Uh huh. So I have a hard time understanding and comprehending and like being a pillar of support for people who are so comfortable getting attention for sad stuff. You know what I think it's also there's a lot of people that find like
almost get fueled and find like connection through. Yeah. Connecting being like just complaining about everything to be their person and trauma bonding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually, I am similar to you in that aspect of like, I remember, I would be interested to know if this affected you with your husband, but like, I remember in the beginning of dating, my boyfriend would always be like, okay, I am your partner. Yeah. I can tell you're upset about something like,
Do you wanna share it? Totally. I'm like grossed out by like talking about my issues. Same. Because I feel like I'm too aware that they're, like it's trivial. To me it's big right now, but this is trivial. Like I don't need, we don't need to talk about it. I'm upset about this. Like let's move on. Where then my partner's like, yeah, but like this is like, if you're upset about this, like let's talk about it.
Totally. Does Andrew ask you to be like, babe, can you give me like a little something here? Yeah, I think that he, yeah, my husband definitely like feels close and wants to share and wants to, and I'm, I just,
I've worked on it a lot. I still have a lot of room to grow because it's just not my thing. Like it is not my default setting. It is so uncomfortable for me. I get like just, I'm just like, icked by it. I'm a self-processor and I just, it's where I do the clearest thinking and healing and I get defensive sometimes even with friends because I feel like they, it validates them for me to dump or to,
you know emotionally it validates the relationship or that i'm turning to them or i'm leaning on them and maybe that's me being like fucked up and guarded which it could be but i don't need to do that so i don't want to do that
I just think, listen, if you feel like you process shit alone, I think especially for women, you almost feel like, why do I not want to like- Or you're being guarded or you're like, no. Secretive, it's so not, everyone's fucking different. Like if you don't feel like sharing, you don't have to- I agree, I agree. Okay.
You brought up your mom. Yeah. I have a lot of people right in that are like, how do I handle grief? And I understand everyone deals with it differently. Totally. Oh my God, yeah. But how would you give advice to someone that is like recently going through grief? Yeah. Just like how to even understand it, handle it, move forward.
I mean, it really is like case by case. And I think that people who are like going through like a very difficult time should know that literally everything is temporary. Like everything in the world is temporary.
And for me, I went through a really weird time where my whole world was shook. Everything I thought I knew was different. Every security anchor was gone. And I was like, free-balling. And I was like, what the fuck? So in those situations, whether you're grieving or not grieving,
Like, and your life is uprooted and you're in transitional periods, it's like you either sink or you swim. But for me, stagnant is not an option. So obviously, like, I go through so many things. It's like a random Tuesday where you're just like crying in a car and you're like, what the fuck?
I've always used humor to deal with everything. It makes everything easier. And for people who don't understand, I totally get it. I've got friends that are like, you're so fucking weird. This is so dark. What is wrong with you? I understand that too. For me, I've always used it. It makes everything easier to digest. It's not like, it's not deflective coping. It's kind of like,
It is what it is. You know what I mean? And I would say, you kind of have to make an internal decision. Are you gonna sink? Are you gonna swim? For me, my whole agenda, when my mom died, my throat's closing up.
You're like, can I drink my juice? I'm sweating. Do you have any vodka? When I really got in the mindset where I was like, I don't want attention. I don't want to walk into a room and get the loose clutch on my shoulder of people being like, how are you doing? And how's your dad? And are you OK? And oh, your mom loved you. I'm like, no shit, bitch. I know my mom loved me. She hated you. You know what I mean? You start getting in that mode where it's like,
Now people, your whole identity is like you're walking around with a black veil. Some people love that. We call them grief groupies. This is the problem. There are human beings who are finally getting attention and they fucking love it. So you go through something terrible and then everyone feels bad for you and then everyone shows up with the casseroles.
and you feel like you got a little gold validation sticker on your fucking forehead. That's where you get into a weird rhythm of being the victim. That's not the vibe because that has an expiration date and then everybody goes back to work in three months and everyone fucking forgot because it's no longer relevant to you. Still very relevant to all the other people. Doesn't matter. So I think like you have to, I just always said that I was gonna like commemorate
my mother's life with living the fuck out of mine. It doesn't mean that you don't have terrible days. It doesn't mean you don't feel sad or you miss them. That's always going to exist. But why would you not want it
want to experience your, like why wouldn't you want to just have a good day when you can have a fucking good day? And a lot of that is about like emotional boundaries and people who don't serve you. Like it becomes like this whole aftershock wave. You have to kind of just like dial it in and do the best you fucking can. It's really, I don't even, I feel like I haven't said anything. But I think you said so much and it's helpful to hear because it's just a decision.
I think that's really, I don't want to use word powerful, but like you, the way you articulate it, you said you did say so much because I think that there's a mentality of like, I mean, I've talked to my friend Lauren about this, like her trying to decide like where, where am I going to go with my life? Cause I have my life and my dad has his life. And like, there's just a lot of shit you have to deal with internally of like,
separating your own self from then what happened if that makes any fucking sense? 1,000%. But also still knowing like that's your parent and you like it's confusing. And there's so many layers to grief and like every instance is different. All I can say is that you just have to like make a conscious decision that you're not gonna walk around with a vigil candle and a fucking deli platter and shiva flowers like Alex Cooper.
It's all coming for full circle back to the end of the episode. This is why I was triggered. You're literally like one funerals I've been to with the sad fucking deli platters. I can't even go to a valley deli anymore because I've been to so many fucking funerals and the Jews love deli platters.
And then you're like, can you imagine? You just put a family member in the ground and then you're making like a pastrami sandwich. And then you look around and you see these urns and the fucking shitty ass Ralph's flowers. It's terrible. Draggy's fully triggered. She's like, why did you break me here? I thought this was supposed to be fun. No, I really do appreciate my last question about this, which I think is very important, is there are people that on this unself-aware spectrum have no idea
how to handle if a friend is going through something and has lost someone in their life, okay? Okay. And can you just quickly explain things that have, like Ben, you don't have to give examples, but you could have things that are said that you're like, don't say this, you fucking idiot. Please don't say everything happens for a reason or you will get slapped.
Everything happens for a reason. Thank you. Thank you, Katie. Have fun with your mom. Like, shut the fuck up. Don't do not anything that is on some spiritual religious bumper sticker. Don't you fucking dare drop that shit. Don't do it when you see a butterfly. Don't say, that's, I could tell that was your mom. I fucking hate butterflies.
You get a fucking fly, Swatter. I swear to God. I saw a rainbow yesterday and I knew it was here, Mom. I was like, do you want to get hit?
Do you wanna get hit? Do you wanna get hit? This is helping. It's a sign. Oh, she did this for you. So when I bought my house, this is like a whole other conversation. I found my house. It was unlisted. It was off market. My realtor calls me. He's like, hey, there's this house coming for sale. I only wanted to buy it in this one neighborhood. So I go to the house, I break in. It was vacant. The guy was dead, whatever.
Broken through the back. The guy's dead inside? No, thank God. He had died. Went to hospice in Texas, dead out fine, vacant. So I like, you know, jimmyed my way in and I was like, oh my God, I love this house. So I'm talking to my grandparents and they said, oh, how's your guys' house hunt coming? And I'm like, oh, it's good. I think I found a house today. We're going to put an offer. And they're like, which house is it? We used to live in that neighborhood.
and I give them the address and it was my mother's childhood home. So I now live in my mother's childhood home. Okay. I did not know I had never been there because when my grandparents lived in a different state, we never went there. It was, I wasn't alive. So that automatically made me hate the house because I was like, oh my God, that's so weird. Now it's gonna be like this whole like butterflies and rainbows and like besher bullshit. I'm like, I'm not dealing with it. Oh my God.
So I then got into like a severe bidding war where I had to basically bankrupt the entirety of our bank accounts to get this fucking house because I loved it so much. It was locked up in probate, blah, blah, blah. It took me like a year to get this fucking house. Very ruthless bidding war. So I overpaid by like an obscene amount of money that I can't even really say out loud because it will be alienating and disgusting, whatever.
So I get into this house I have my family over for like the first holiday and every single motherfucker looks at me with that fucking hand with that loose little grip the little shoulder grip in the upper of the lip quiver and says Your mom got you this house your mom brought this house to you and I'm looking at them and I'm thinking to myself I've had to spread my legs
Metaphorically behind a microphone and hawking every product under the sun on Instagram like a shameless ruthless prostitute for years so that I could buy this house because I bought the house. I wanted to buy the house. Me. I bought the house.
bled my bank accounts dry and you have the nerve to tell me that this bitch, my dead mother, brought me the house? If that was the case, I would have fucking inherited it. I would have bought it before the pandemic, when the housing market was a little more stable.
Okay, how dare you and I say it took everything in me I was clutching my martini glass like with a white knuckling it And I just wanted to bash it over everyone's head and I even said to my dad I'm like if one more motherfucker Says to me that my dead mom but got me this house I'm gonna lose somebody's gonna die in this house and then the property value will really come in
And we'll have to borrow your flowers for the Shiva. It's so short. Fuck you. You are leaving today with them. I'm not taking them. I hate them. These are real. These are real. OK. We couldn't go low and tight. Had to go. Couldn't go low and full. He's crying. Come here. Sorry. OK, he's crying. He's upset. Sorry, Henry. OK, this is my thought.
Shut the fuck up, it please. Just shut the fuck up. Just be like, this sucks so bad. I'm so fucking sorry. This is terrible. What can I do? Okay, that's what I was gonna say. Everyone deals with grief differently, so follow your friend's lead. If it's also not your friend's acquaintance, shut the fuck up.
Please don't I had it was so funny like I had a friend that would like weaponize like my grief like it wasn't like I wasn't like like I wasn't like coming to her to cry like I was going to other people and then she like so do you not like feel comfortable with me or do you not like feel close to me and I'm like
You're literally the worst. Like you're making this about you. How are we? You suck so bad and honestly like I should send her an edible arrangement because I need to thank her because she made the whole experience like so diffusive because I was like oh wow like you just took me out of my grief because now I just want to fucking headbutt you. You're so stupid. Right like what? What do you mean? How is this? How do we make this about you? What movie are you? What? It was like I had a stroke. I was like poor qua. Do I need to?
Do I need to apologize to you because I'm not like sad enough for you? Yeah. I think that's the wrap up of that is like, if it's not your shit, just literally shut up. You don't even like not talk about like it's not like that. It's just like read the person. Read the room. Do their thing. Yes, thank you. And that's totally okay. That is such an extreme place of privilege to not understand. And I honestly think that's amazing. And you should just like run with that.
fabulous, you lucky son of a bitch. But yeah, it's like an, it's an extreme, it's an extreme tier of privilege to like not understand that. That level of- And that's cool too. Totally, but if, if acknowledge you don't know it and so don't act like you have any fucking comprehension of what happened. Oh my god, I love when like a friend, she was like, I know, like I lost my, my pet kitty when I was three and it was like cool.
Even like, sorry to say this. I need to move these. Yeah. Um, please. Even, even, and I'm not trying to be an asshole, but evil grandparents. Grandparents. It's the circle of life. Let me guess. They were 80, 90, like. Lie down. It was. Go to sleep as Kelly Buns moments, or Bethany Franklin once said, go to sleep. Right. Like they, they had a good run. Right. And that's like natural. Like what were you expecting? They were gonna have like a re-vibe and just start like it's, it's that was how it was supposed to go.
Oh my god, my grandpa was like literally, I was prepared for him to die for like 12 years. My parents were like, listen, grandpa's like not super healthy. He's like totally overweight, like had a terrible lifestyle. They told me this when I was seven. That fucker hung around till I was like 25. It became like a bit in my family. I was like, you're still here. I've been prepared for years. I grew out of my fucking funeral dress.
No, you're so right. It's like I have one black outfit. I don't even fit in it anymore, grandpa. Jesus Christ, you're melting the clock. It's turn. So I can put you in the urn, urn, and Alex can put you in here. He's not a much bigger urn. He was a very obese man. It would take up the whole room.
Shout out Jackie's grandpa. Love you. Love you. Is he still here? No, he's dead. Wow, Alex. Okay. Long gone. Okay, we're off. We're moving off the grief topic. Yes. I think my last thing is this. This is actually just out of curiosity. What happened to your Zimmerman dress?
Oh, this is still on the topic of grief, by the way. I've experienced so much loss. You're like, fuck my grandpa. Let's talk about the Zimmerman dress. Honestly, you know, hindsight's 2020. I'm like,
I'm too cool for a Zimmerman midi dress. Like I've evolved. Jesus, this is funny. Okay, give it to us. Well, I was attending a baby shower. Okay. And I was trying to find something like I found this dress. It was a Zimmerman dress. It had like a molded cup balcony with a cutout.
pockets. She loves pockets. I love pockets. Love. Okay. And it was in my size. I didn't have to wear a bra. I looked cute. Like I had just had a parasite. So I was very gaunt. You were like winning. Like literally my clavicle was protruding and I had like an upper rib cage thing because I was shooting out my colon.
for weeks. You know this is like people are gonna be pissed when we were at tower bar you were like I'm just feeling like a little like just like blow to whatever yeah and Jackie turns the waiter she's like could I get um some like expired salmon like do you have a raw salmon filet?
That's unrefrigerated. The guy did not get that at all. He was like, pardon? I was like, never mind. I'll just have the brands, you know. Okay, so you're gone. You're ready with your dress. I was ready to rumble. Found this dress. I had it hooked in the back of my car and I have a convertible and I was doing a bathroom renovation. I'm very hands-on with my renovations. I love the Home Depot. It makes me feel alive, insecure girls.
Go to Home Depot. Wear something tight and sexy. You will get accosted. You know what's crazy? It's already cut you off, but I remember back back back in the day where I said some controversial shit. I was self-aware enough to know that if I went to the University of Arizona, I was gonna be like a five on the scale. Boston University? It's the same thing at a Home Depot. Give me a 12. Do you go to a Valley Home Depot? You've got better odds.
If you go to like anything off the 405, it kind of depends. It's all about geography. You could run into Giselle. So you're going to be the toad. Kanoka Park Home Depot. You'll never feel anything like it. So you're saying you go there and you feel the hottest, most beautiful version of yourself. I am a, it is the Victoria Secret fashion show reboot at the Home Depot before 10 a.m. when all the contractors are there. Like there's no like women, like, but you know, you're, you're it. That's it.
So I was there at about 7.35 in the morning. I know. Rising grind, okay. Literally grinding with contractors in aisle four. And I was in a bike short looking so cute, sawing my own fucking trim. I needed like one piece of trim for a door. I was trying to wrap it up, you know.
And the trim was very long, so I figured the only way I could fit it in my car was to put my top down and shimmy it in the front so it could hang up the back. Okay. Super safe.
in your convertible. Am I convertible? This is like final destination shit, okay? So in the transportation of my trim piece, I had the dress hooked on the back, okay? Okay. And I'm driving on the freeway and I'm holding the trim because I didn't really feel like having it. God forbid. I mean, honestly, in hindsight, I wish that that trim would have fucking
high-tailed it out of the car and like punctured the car behind me and I could have kept the dress because I didn't have something to wear to the shower couldn't find anything. I'm holding the trim, I'm driving, like cursing the day that my husband was born because he's like off at a trip somewhere and I'm just schlepping lumber, literally schlepping lumber.
And I look behind me, and all of a sudden I'm driving, and I just see a pink parachute rising into the sky off the 101 freeway at 734 in the morning. And I'm like, ah, I look behind. It was like slow-mo. I see my fucking dress, catch wind.
and fly the fuck out of my car, okay? So now I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, what do I even do? So I call highway patrol, I get off the freeway, I didn't even know who to call. I literally was like, I have a dress, it was $850 by the way, okay? Tags attached. Oh god. Glad I did, you know,
It wasn't my journey aesthetically, but it was an expensive dress and I never got to fucking wear and it was sold out in the size I needed because everyone kept sending me the certain size I needed a two. Two for the tits. Two for the tits. Sold out.
So I pull over on the side of the road. I'm now like pilfering through bushes. You get out of your car? I kind of, I did a little peruse. I did a little peruse. But then I thought, you know what? I called the highway patrol. They're gonna return it. Like they're gonna get a dry clean for me. I had a massage. What world are you living in? I don't know. Listen, I live in suburbia. I figured, listen, I call these guys. I'm like, I have a dress that flew out of my car.
I feel like they can call you like, no, literally you're abusing. Someone was stabbed. Usually it's like there's someone on the side of the road, someone was stabbed, there's an animal that's dead, there's a car crash. Kidnapping. My Zimmerman dress was $900. Could you guys do a loop? Could you guys do at least one of those zigzags, you know, where you shut the freeway down during rush hour? I'm like, it has cutouts in pockets. It's like so cute. It's so good. It's so hard for me to find a dress where I don't have to wear a bra.
They're like, ma'am. You're like, no, no, no, size two. I'm just like, I don't know. Like, should I pull over on the right? Like, I don't know. Like, I just feel like this is like a safety breach. I've already been like sexually harassing Home Depot. I'm not trying to like get picked up. And what are they saying? I mean, they were laughing. Of course.
We all are now Jackie. We were laughing like we were having a good time like here's where I live like there's a dry cleaners down I was like making all the jokes, you know what I mean? So I thought 100% they're gonna fucking they're gonna pick it up drop it off So then I like you know I had to deliver my trim pieces. I've got guys on the clock. Okay. I'm not fucking around
And this is also relatable and likable. Daddy Gang's gonna love this. And then I had a massage and I, so my phone was in my locker, whatever. And I had posted all of these stories in one of the stories that I had posted on Instagram. You can see the dress off the freeway. You can see its exact location.
like under a fence, under a pickup truck that was parked on the side of the road. Like it's like behind you while you're filming. You can see the pink. Someone's buying it. I missed it. Yeah. So all of a sudden, I've been getting like so many messages of people circling. Like, I see where your dress is. I see where your dress is. I knew exactly where it was. I get back in my car. I drive back. It's not there. The next day, the dress in my size, tags attached, sold out everywhere, is available for sale for pickup in the Los Angeles location of the Real Real.
Full price full price So some shady fuck Honestly love them if you did this I will like oh, yeah, we respect you I respect you I like you I will go to tower bar with you and we'll get raw salmon right there
Some shady-ass bitch rolled up, because I was giving like very specific geographics. No, I remember you posting about this. I was like, if you get off a canogan, make a right. It's gonna be somewhere near there. What are you thinking? These are people that love me and support me. They will bring the dress to me. They will get it dry cleaned and bring it to me. I thought someone, like I imagine like a bunch of girls.
25 to 35 in bitch Bible merch and like fucking highway patrol like neon vests with flashlights like searching for this dress. That's in my head where I like just hawking macho with their shits who's like patrolling the valley for my dress. A search and rescue mission. You didn't think. No, I never thought naive. That a little cunt. Yeah. It's gonna say
And you know who'd do something like that? Me. Let me tell you something. When I was 18 years old, if I found out some bitch, I had, you know, a Zimmerman dress go airborne off the side of the 101 freeway and it was tags attached for 850 and I was eating bagel bites for three weeks. You think I wouldn't be tits deep on the side of the freeway searching for that fucking dress. You are dead wrong. So I can relate and I respect it.
I have no words. I guess we have to, we end it by respectfully respecting the con that went out of her way. This one's for her. This one's for her. Whoever you are, I actually would fucking love. Love. If you reached out to us. Show yourself. We would actually really respect you. I will, if you're like, well. No, no, no. If this person exposes themselves with receipt, we need to receipt from the real. Yeah. I need like,
Like I need a full Manila folder to showcase that it's you. I will take you to Zimmerman and I will buy you a full outfit. It was me. Alex, we're going to Zimmerman. Jockey. I know. I'm sweating. I'm starting to bring the mood down. No. No, I love how when I'm like grief and then you're like, no, I'm going to bring it down even more. Yeah. Grandpa. Light your vigil candles.
I love you. Thank you so much for coming. I'm sweating. I'm gonna pee my pants. This was a great app. Henry, wait, let's pull the dogs up for one quick. Oh, yes. Okay, can I talk about the flowers now? Yes.
What? I should defend the flowers now. Oh, did you do this? To them every week. They're one of my greatest prides. Okay. Take yours, A, B. Let me just tell you. Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'll go ahead. This week, I went to both Bristol Farms and Ralphs, went twice, bought a pair, still didn't think they looked good enough. Okay, no, no. I went back for more. Those pigwands, I hate, are the only ones that I could find. And it's been a journey. Jordan, let me also defend you.
It's not- It's not for the base. The base is not your fault. No, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. No, it's not your fault. No, it's not your fault. No, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
I thought I wanted to be like a color and Jordan said she's great at me We don't think it personally we are we need to get it together
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