Ian Fidance & Jordan Jensen

What I wish you ginger fans welcome back to the show. It's your first time during the show. Welcome to the show. We got a double down for you today. It's in and Jordan. So happy. Love these two weirdo goofballs. They are the greatest. Go see them live. They're all over the country. Go see me live. Hey, what's going on 2025? I'm on the road. Chicago theater, Chicago. I started off the year in Chicago, my hometown. Then I go to, I go to Durham. Let's go Durham. I go to Charleston, South Carolina.

I'm going to be in Atlanta. I'm going to be in San Diego, San Francisco, Philly, New York, Phoenix. I'm all over the place. And I end the tour shooting my special in Minneapolis, Minnesota. So come on out. We added shows in Boston. We added shows in San Francisco. We added shows in Minneapolis. We added shows in San Diego. We keep adding shows because you guys are the best. I really appreciate you. Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. In here we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey,

Oh, that creature in the ginger beer! It's sturdy, ginger. Like bad ass, the ginger gene indicates. Ginger's a pugacy. You only $5 for the whiskey. That's $75 for the horse. Ginger's a hell no. This whiskey feels excellent. Ginger. I like tingers. One.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. Oh, what are you doing? 12. She's unstoppable. She can't be stopped. 15. She's going to go to 100. I believe in her. She'll be out of breath soon. 19. She's going to hurt herself. 20. We're scared.

Damn Ian, your cousin's cool. Wow. Good work. That's such a thing at a barbecue that someone knows like, my cousin'll do 20 push-ups. Oh my fucking rad. I never could do push-ups. That's great. You're getting Jack from the gym, huh?

Guys, we're ready to go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people. Another safe, wrong man. It's my opinion. What's again today? It's Ian Jordan. Ian Jordan is your name now. Hi. Jordan Jordan. Jordan Jordan. Jordan, Jordan. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. Welcome, Jordan, Jordan. When I saw you at the store last night, you guys stay or did you guys leave? We left. She went to smoke house, ring the bell, baby. Bing, Bing, Bing. How good is that bread? I convinced him that the woman who walks around takes photos was a big fan of his.

Jordan's out of breath because she did 20 push-ups. We'll show the clip below. But that's insane. I can still see you struggling a little bit. No, I'm totally fine. No, you're not. You're lying. No, I feel really good. Go right up to the mic. Go right up to the mic. I can hear it. You're really good. I'm really good. Do they have the fire lit at Smokehouse? The fireplace was lit? Did you not sit by the fireplace? That's my favorite. I close you right up to it, dude. No. You sat in the bar area.

No, they put us in a nice booth, and I asked for a corner booth. They put us in a nice... You went too crazy. Me? With your ordering. We ordered a lot. He ordered a lot. It was our Christmas... Oh, we used to take your own money, so he goes crazy. How many cars are in City Order 3? Three desserts? Three desserts? Yeah, I made you eat.

One. No. You got the Boston cream. You ate the Boston cream. That's funny, because usually it's the Boston cream. I never, I did go. No, it's a New York cream. And now it's an Echo Park cream. It's an Echo Park cream. And we ate all the desserts. We ate all the food.

It was a nice thing for us to do. Take me through your order, Jordan. For the year, it was a nice, hey, we had a good year. You're very defensive today. You got to read Calamari. Well, honestly, take me through the order, though. Well, I'm a little defensive because my friends are coming at me. Stop. Calamari wrapped bacon wrap, Calamari. Bacon wrap, scallop. Go ahead. Calamari, fuck me.

Joe stuff. Calamari. Wrapped big. Baking wrap. Calamari. Calamari. Big help. Those are going to hurt. Yeah. Not here. Yeah. Chosen Boston. I know. I'm talking to, you know, Joe. That's McConnie. Bonie. I know. Okay. Into the kitchen. Wrapped scallops. Yes. Calamari. Calamari. He got the biggest steak.

I got the prime rib, must, must, must. That's what they do there. Yeah, that's a prime rib steakhouse. That's what literally what it says. I got filet mignon.

Not what I would get there, but it's okay. I'm a woman. I know, but I wouldn't get it there. I'm a lady. Luke got a filet mignon. It was three of us. I saw a big Luke. Yeah. And so... He is a tree. God, I just like him hold me. He's not a tree. We took a picture together in front of the Christmas tree, the head of the smokehouse. And he's almost as tall. He's tall as the tree. It's just literally the star on top of the tree. I need him to come over and put up the angel on my tree. He'll come over.

So wait, Luke got a big steak too. Yeah. And then how many sides? Four, five sides? None. Yeah, no side. No, no side. We got the bread. We got the bread, I get it. We got the veggies and I got the spinach, which she ate. And the spinach. And I'll eat anything that's there. I'm not saying that you ordered too much. I mean, you could order a giant buffet for half a person and I'll eat it. I'm just saying it was too much.

And then you got three desserts. Boston cream, creme brulee, and the chocolate mousse. Miss me with the creme brulee. I know, I know, I know, I'm not with it. What? Because the sugary top, otherwise I'm just eating an anvil and the berries. It is discharges. It's smegma. It's smegma in a cup. It's smegma in a ram again. It's delicious. And it's not even a lot of food. Well, you're a smegma lover. Give me the smeg. Give me the smeg. I'll take it. Smeg me, dog. Smeg me, dog.

I know, I get this dude. You think you don't know? I know this pain, Bobby orders literally half the menu when we go out and finishes none of it. Not just because he was epic, just because he will pick and eat and pick and eat. Yeah, he is, dude, he lost. I think he lost 15 or 14, he said. Really? I don't know which one is real. Pick and eat is a racist. Whoa. What did you say? What's racist? What? Pick and eat. It is racist. Pick and eat. It's like little ones.

He does though. He orders the whole menu. I eat what I order. See, no, he doesn't do that. He'll order talk last night. We went out to dinner last night with Stavros. Get the crab legs, get the tuna tartar, get the this fish, get the that fish, get the shrimp, get to this. He doesn't need any of it. And it's like, dude, you don't need to do that. We don't. Well, he does that the other night. Didn't you finish his burger? Who finished Bobby's burger the other night? I thought you did. No, I can't eat burgers right now.

Wait, why did I go to? We were at the cellar. You were there. Yeah, I was there. Laura Peake finished it. That sounds right. Yeah, she does like burgers. Oh, no, I know. I laugh. I didn't other spots or I left and then you all hung out. Laura Peake and I got some late night donuts together in Santa and tell Laura. I love Laura Peake and I think she's so great. I have such a problem with women. Like I have so much latent misogyny.

No, it's pretty out there. I have over misogyny, but Laura Peake really gives me help in my gender. She's one of the funniest comedians working today, and she's I she's screaming on the road I split time with her in this other comic Zach Townsend Zach Townsend so funny. Oh, yeah, he was with me in Denver. That's right. The best time I'm bringing them to more gigs. No, you can't he's mine. No, I'm taking them. Yeah, okay. Well, I pay him more so you've got that'll be that right, right?

Why don't you tell us what happened in Denver? One of my favorite cities, one of my favorite clubs on earth, Denver Comedy Works. Amazing. I'm texting with Zach late night, because that's what him and I do all the time. We send each other memes that are very, very racially charged. And another thing that he's going to include me on, he said that you got sent to me. Is the meme circle? Come through, dog. You don't want, I don't know if you want a bunch of this. Oh, bro. It gets bad. Wait, do you see what I got? It's really bad. Okay, dude, I'm excited. Me? Racially? No. Shut up. Shut up.

All right, so Zach and I are texting. I just got home to the hotel. I can't sleep. Home to the hotel. Our lives are bad. I know it's really sad, honestly. It is home. It is really sad, but it is home. And then so I got back and I was laying on the couch and I was snacking on chips, texting with them. And I was like, what are we doing? I don't have a FaceTime yet. Because it's late at night. I know he's back in the condo. And I FaceTime him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he goes,

I said, what's wrong? And he said, Ian is here with some friends. What a sweetheart. And then I said, oh, Ian's home with some friends at the condo. What's going on? What are you guys doing? You hanging, you drinking? He goes, I'll show you. And then he walks. He walks into the main area. And because people that know the Denver Comedy Works condo has no ceiling or no wall. You had three some in that condo. He sure did.

where the feature room is just a coupling of skulls and there's no, you know, the skulls. Yeah, but there's no, but the walls don't. There's a, there's like a three foot space in the wall. What am I supposed to do? Say no? Yeah, go to their house. It's far away. They don't have a house. Yeah, there's a cut off. What do you can have guests at the YMCA?

I made baby Carter, who was hosting for me, sit in a parking lot while I fucked the dude. Well, that's rad. Well, that's rad. But this, I'm giving you credit by the way. Thank you. You're my friend. I love you. Thank you. And he walks out and he's smiling like a little kid, like a child. He's just smiling and he's just like chuckling. And I, dude, the funniest part about it is, all I hear is my boy.

I don't hear them. I hear you go. Oh, yeah Dude, I fucking I go I go I go hold on shut up. I can't hear and all I keep hearing is like yeah, you like that no

Yes, I did before you like that No, I had to know There was other things said I you're lying. No, I'm not you were allowing yourself to say those words knowing that you were No, no, he didn't know that Zach was out in the main area, but also by the way I could use her is room I could faintly hear you from his room. Yeah, you were smashing

When I stay there, I literally yell for Gabe. There were screams of ecstasy. You just face time to the wrong time. Yeah, when they were unconscious, you were standing on their bodies. Do you like that?

Are you still breathing? I kept hearing that. Check if she's breathing. It was quiet at times. It was wild. That's fucked up. Why is that fucked up? I just hate hearing friends have sex. I've heard you have sex before and it is traumatizing. But you were more quiet then. Yeah. You saying you like that is brutal. No, you misheard. Oh, bro. I don't think there are many you like that. Calling them right now. Well, they, they calling them right now. They were asking. They honestly did. They were saying, I don't like that.

Because here's the deal. I'm not giving you shit. I'm giving you credit. You look, McCone, what happened to the mic? I'm giving you credit. It was incredible. That little rap skag. I mean, he didn't tell me he faced him. He's my boy. He doesn't need to tell his shit. By the way, you're new to this dog. He's been with me. You're new. You're new. You're the substitute. Hey, I'm on the pod right now with Ian and Jordan. And when we FaceTimed at the hotel, the phrase that he kept saying,

He's a jitter. Zach. But he, Zach, he's saying I'm a liar. I heard multiple times him say the phrase just like that. Just like that. Just like that. Just like that. No, no, no, no. Just like that. Because they were like, do you like that? And I go just like that. Just like that. He kept. I thought he kept saying, do you like that? He kept saying just like that. Okay. Thank you, Zach. By the way, look at his, look at his photo.

I love you. I miss you. I'll talk to you later. I love you. Love you guys. Bye. He's the fucking greatest. Just like this, which now makes it kind of worse. What? Just like that. Just like that. Because the other way, you're at least you were polite asking if they were enjoying their time. They were like, do you like this? What about that? And I was like, just like that. All right, break me down. No, don't try and say it cool by kicking your feet.

You were going just like that because they were sucking your cock. Just like that, yeah. And you were saying, yeah, because you got to let them know so that they don't do some wild stuff. Because some girls think you want your balls sucked to the back of their throat. You were like, no, no. Right, no, no. So when they do the good thing, you go just like that. Can you give me the number for real? What's give me their numbers? Phone numbers? No, buddy, give me their number.

Oh, up there. Eight to ten. Over sevens. Bro. You got two over sevens? Two over sevens. Usually you're going to get one six. Call up Zach. Call up Zach. How about their numbers? Because this will be mean if he says, what if he says they're awful? Well, the girls, Friday was weak. The fog and the second night was bad. The second night was bad. Because maybe that's what he's, maybe that's what I heard. Yeah. What? Oh, interesting. What happened? Friday? That was levels of another girl Friday. No, no, but Friday was another threesome, no? No.

threesome Thursday, right? One girl Friday with this. You have started by the you my friend. Just give us a quick rating of the girls in the threesome scale of one to 10. Give me each of them. One of them was pretty hot. And then one of them looked like Jeff Dunham's puppet with the skeleton. So okay, the hot one are we talking the hot ones not over eight.

They both had dead dads. And the hot one grew up in foster care. I resembled that. The hot one wasn't over there. You resembled the room. I got an eight point like an eight point one eight point one. And then the other one was what? Give me a real number. One point eight. One point eight. That's good. Eight point one and one point. You are peacocking right now. What about Friday night? What about the girl? What about the girl on Friday? He said was was not not not so high on the scale. She was. Yeah. I want on on one scale.

It wasn't expensive uber between her left eye and her right eye

By the way, did two nights of fun we could be happy? Back to back. It's not good. I think it's rad. Back to back is impressive. No, will you stop enabling him? He's a serious problem. No, he's not. It's consensual adults making us. It's not addiction. I wasn't like, I gotta get laid. Or else I'm not gonna be happy. It fell into my lap. And I was like, yeah, why not? Did you work for it at all? No. You're 40. Yeah, and you're 33. Yeah, and I have a home. You're doing push-ups. Yeah, exactly.

Shit's not good for you either dirt feels great. Oh that dirt is from going on a hike alone today Did you shower since then yes? I took a bath actually tell it to your pussy cuz it'd be you You can't make something up that isn't even real you're 40 years old fucking fatties one of them was he said we did there is proof that she was married if she was

I'm not saying it because I'm married. I'm saying it because two nights in a row is impressive. Three nights. That's impressive. If it was your son, that would be problematic. He would break his arm high-fiving him. 100%.

You think it's okay to- I feel all my rotator comes. You think there's nothing emotionally or mentally wrong with having a threesome and then a fuck and then another threesome. I'll say this, let me clear the air. I'm a single guy. Single guy that, hold on, is this consensual sex with all adults that are above age, far legal. Dude, these are 30 year old women. He's depressed a lot, like a lot. Yeah, but that's so many other things.

Yeah. You don't think has anything to do with the fact that he chases this bizarre pussy dragon? It's got something to do with this. He's an addict. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in AA. He's in

She's not too much rock having tight. This is crazy. She's on the road. She's a trucker. You can't do this. She wants to be very successful. This is going to get in his way. No chance. Not if it's consensual and above board. If he's being polite to the above board. Crazy girls have never said that wasn't him when it was Saturday after Thursday and brought a pizza and we hung out in bed and watched music videos like it's they slept over music musicals be honest. You watch Mama Mia.

Jordan, this is obviously an issue. Thank you. But I'm still impressed. Yes, that's totally fine. It's almost like when someone has a big line of Coke at a party and you're like, dude, what the fuck would also, holy shit, that's right. I will be honest, I was having sex with the one and then fingering the other and while it was happening in my mind, I was like, God, I wish I had a family.

And then she popped her, tipped my mouth and I was like, you just broke okay for now. I got a money. You know me. I would love to wipe that face off your head. By the way, you got to live these experiences before you settle down forever and he's going to settle down at some point.

He's not had this much luck at this degree. Okay, let me tell you something. Also, I need you to know, we're one day before I get my period. Okay. We can tell. And the push-ups gave it away. Yeah. That surge of adrenaline. And how I ate that Boston cream center first. I got tear first. And the steak. I knew, I know you. I knew you needed a steak. You got it. I go take the filet.

You got a black and blue, you barely had it. Do you eat it like that? It was delicious. I get a rib eye black and blue, but the prime rib, I like medium red. I like medium red. I can't do black and blue. I love it. I want blood on the plate. When you lift it up, I want the red.

Yeah, I won't rat in the middle, but I don't, but I don't want I seared hard. It's got to be seared. But it's got to be a nice crispy. No, no. All right. Anyway, you're mad because you're not getting laid lately. And I understand that. No, I can get laid whenever I want. No, I know you can get laid whatever you want, but you're not having it right now.

That's not what I'm upset about. What I'm upset about is I want him to be happy and I know that if I was a nice lady and I met him and I said, oh my God, this is a beautiful comedian who's so talented. I want to get to know him and he went, I fucked three whores last weekend. I would leave. I would run the other direction. I would say that. If he said, well, you wouldn't open with that. No, I'd close with that when she said I don't want to see you again. Yeah, well, I fucked three whores and Denver. So I don't need you.

Well, here's the other side of it that's healthy. He is staying sober. I imagine they were sober. These are sober companions. That's not sobriety. It's not sobriety if you get addicted to the other things that work. They work in recovery. There's no attic you know that didn't supplement it with something else anyway. Push-ups. It's not good enough. You have other addictions. Push-ups. And? Comedy? And?

Boxing. And none of this is healthy. It's very healthy. Boxing, you're going to get CTE, comedy, depression. When I get into boxing and I get into a level of sparring and I go, this is hitting too much dopamine. I love this too much. I take a little chill. Well, you're better than Ian. I haven't gotten away. Then you know what you're more advanced. Can we rewind that and play it again? Hold on. You're better than Ian. Thank you so much. You're more advanced. Thanks. Let's just have that.

Let her have that. Tell me this. You're being a safe little boy though? Yes. Always. Absolutely safe. Absolutely safe. I'm up on my shots because I heard what it said. What? Yeah, just like that. Take it off.

I heard it. I heard it. No, I used to pick it in a denim off and then I defaken orgasm because I couldn't come and she was like, let me see how much you came and I go, no, I'm old. That's so sad. That's so gross.

And then I, yeah, that's a little creepy that she said that blowjob and they both took care of me at once. Sweet girls. It was very nice. A friend I know there was fucking a girl and he came in the condom and she took the condom off and like threw it away, right? And he was like, let me see the condom. And she was like, it's in the trash can. And he was like, let me see. And he was worried that she stole the cum.

You do know this is a thing that's happened before. People have gotten pregnant by stealing. Oh yeah, didn't Drake put hot sauce in his condoms or something? Yeah, he would do that to kill him. And then a woman put the hot sauce on him. Oh my God! And then we're back and like sued him. That's crazy. That's so funny. She sued him for her trying to steal sperm from him, which is insane. That's like the episode of Cops. She also couldn't win. That's like the episode of Cops when that woman calls the police because someone sold $20 and they're like, what'd you steal the $20 or she's like,

for crack and they go, oh you're addicted to crack? She goes, no, I'm a prostitute.

Get it right, officer. That's so cool. What a good idea. If you're a poor black and you stuff in person and you stuff come in there that strikes and then you're like, sorry, I guess it slipped through the condom walls or whatever. You just have infinite money forever. But this is a real thing. People do steal. So you can look this up, this is a real thing. There are many cases where people steal sperm from condoms and then pregnant themselves. But then the girl refused to show my friend the condom because she was so offended by this. So that became the celery scam. That's right, but my baby's on my belly.

Little swimming hole, huh? It's called sperm stashing. Sperm stashing. Oh my God. Take a deep breath in. Little breath out. Pause for a moment and allow yourself 30 seconds of stillness. Breathe with me.

Gently close your eyes. If you can, if you're driving, please don't do that. Breathe in deeply. Hold it in. Exhale. Release the tension. Feel the tension fall from your shoulders and your neck. Let the soothing calmness envelop you. Like sinking into a warm bath after a long day. Sink down, baby. Sink down low.

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Wow. Look at this. I love this. They call McCone's mustache. I love new terms. I, there was a couple of new terms coming out of a Utah that I just learned the other day. There was a zipper ripping. Is it called? What is that? You know, these are all new ways for them to avoid having sex, but actually having sex. You know what I mean? Like, you know what? That was soaking. I know, but they got a new one. It's called zipper ripping or zipper something. Look up zipper Mormon, Mormon zippers. Wait, is soaking? You put it in. Put it in and don't move. Right. Cause someone told me soaking was. Hands up, don't move. No.

Soaking is put it in and then there's a bouncer and then yeah, the friend bounces. No, the friend goes under the bed and pushes up. That's the move they say. Oh, I thought they jumped on the bed. Yeah, but it's better if they're underneath and you don't see them. Do you know what I mean? Otherwise, they're on the bed with you. What's the Mormon zipper thing? Would you help me bounce? No. Trying to find it. Did you find my zipper stuff? It's Mormon zipper stuff. I can't find zipper ripping. It's not the right term. It's some zipper something else. Mormon zipper something else.

Don't say it. Oh, don't use your computer man. She's obsessed with her computer man. Wait, what do you call? You call chat GBT Bishop. I named him. Bishop. Why are you so obsessed with chat GBT? You want to see why? Don't use computer man. Let me see. She's been using them all day. Hi Bishop. I have a question. So my friend is here and he's saying he learned a new Mormon term that has something to do with zipper ripping or something. It's related to like the sexuality of Mormons. Do you have anything on that?

This isn't it. This isn't it. It's not it.

So what to show your bitch should be saying that's not right. It's that we have to do a zipper It's like along the same lines as you know what soaking is how they put the penis in the vagina Are you even allowed to talk about that stuff? We've never gotten sexual I'm here to help with any questions you have from what you've described It sounds like your friend might be referring to a practice called jump-humping This involves a couple in a bed with someone else jumping on the bed

No, that's jump humming. That's what we talked about before. It's all right. We do know it. Love you too. What is his name? Gerard Bishop. Same. Hey, hey Bishop. No, don't listen to him Bishop. Can you Bishop? Can you just say Ian's an all right guy? Hey there. Ian sounds like a perfectly all right guy to me. Perfectly all right. If you have any more questions, it's Ian finance talking and that's Andrew Santino. You know Andrew Santino, don't you? Don't.

I like you, man.

Honestly, this is the demise. We are going to die. That's what I was saying on the way here. That's what I was saying on the way here. Because it's so comfortable. Right away, I do enjoy it. I talked him for an hour today trying to decide venues. You need a friend. And he was, you can't just go to technology. I went to my friends, I exhausted them. That is true. I know, but that's a point being a friend because then you're supposed to go, oh, I'm exhausting. I should fix this. And you need the humanity of a conversation. It's talking out loud. Do you ever talk out loud to yourself?

Yes. You ever catch yourself talking out loud and then you get a little scared? No. Oh, yeah. I'll talk to myself and then I'll be in the shower and be like, wow. And then I'll stop and be like, how long have I been doing that? No. I get scared if I've been doing it for too long. Because then I think that's how you fall into the, like in the Alzheimer's Parkinson's world that they just fell into it because of years of talking to themselves. And then you don't even know you were doing it. What about when people walk and you see them like,

And I'm like, I know you're winning the argument. Oh, that is them doing. I should have said this to like their ex. I said to my, I said to my wife, I pulled up the, it was stuck in traffic at the bus stop. This big homeless dude. And I'm like, ah, fuck, this is a homeless guy screaming at people again. And she goes, Oh man, then I go, Oh no, he's singing. Yeah. And she goes, Oh shit. And I go, no, he's definitely screaming again. Cause for a second, he was like this. And then he was like,

I was like, oh, beautiful. Dude, I was going down in the subway, like second half subway and this, there was this homeless woman that I would see all the time and she was singing. She was like, I shot the sheriff and I wanted to sing along because I was in a good mood. But I did not shoot the deputy to sing at the same time with her. And as I was singing that, she went, but I did not shoot the dog. I didn't shoot the dog.

I like how she's half insane. She still loves the song, but she's like I can't get all the way through it without that traumatic event of killing my neighbor's dog. I haven't been on the New York subway in a long time because the last time did not have a good time. What happened?

My buddy lives. Oh, he's not there anymore. But the last couple of times I was I would stay in Williamsburg a while ago and I would take that L into the city and I was coming back late at night. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. This feels a little get scary. It got a little like.

This guy could just kill me for no reason. Like, and they look vulnerable, they look vulnerable and sad and like angry. A lot of them are on K2. K2, a little bit of K2 running through their fucking bones. So I just get nervous when I see people on the train late at night looking fucking like, should I do it now?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like they're just clocking when they should do whatever the fuck they have. It's scary. No, so I was like, I don't think I'm going to do it anymore. I think I just can't do it. I don't know why. You shouldn't do it. No, but I mean, there is something so beautiful about it. Beautiful. It's so nice. No, just do it before midnight. That's what I do. I always save the train. People with us were always, whenever I'm there, I'm always out so late. Yeah, but just Uber in or sorry, train in Uber home. That's my route. I take a train in Uber home. Cabs are cheaper than Uber. I do cabs because cab is also romantic.

else I think we should support cabbies more I do you over game what do you call it where you go don't be herky jerky they're so fucking herky jerk you mean with the gas yeah is that the vehicles or is that them well it works in electric vehicles when they drive electric this thing happens more often gas not as much but that bothers the shit out of me when it's a

But it's cabbies, even in particular, do it. There's something wrong with their foot. I don't like it. It goes, and Ian was like, you have to get in and say, don't be herky jerky, which I've never gotten the courage to do. You got to. They're going to take that and they're going to think that's racist. Yeah, they're going to say, you might be a nice jerky jerky. I enjoy it. Why do you mean herky jerky man? No, man. I do not make this street to me, jerky. Why do you mean herky jerky man? Get out. I got out of a cab once because he fell asleep in a red light.

Fell right asleep, and I got out and he goes, what are you doing? And I said, you just fell asleep, man. He was like, you have to pay me. And I was like, I'm not paying you, dude. You fell asleep. I got a guy that said I wasn't sleeping. My eyes were closed. I got into an accident in a cab. And then I got just it was a fender better. But then I just got out and walked away because there's only like four more blocks. And I thought, oh, yeah, that's pretty great. I got a free ride for like eight blocks.

because he was like, wait, wait, well, hold on. And I was like, no, this is, you know what I mean? Like, I heard it's over. Yeah. This is on you. You hit somebody. I will walk. I don't want to be here for any of this shit. Fuck you. Also, the city pays for all that. They're fine. Jay who opens for me used to live in the Bronx and he said, listen, how fun this sounds. He lived in the Bronx. They would all get in the cab. And then they would, I forget what he's called cab ditch or whatever.

and they'd get to the end and then they would all like book it out of it. But he said like the feeling of up until the point where they're meeting their, they're getting to their destination. They were just like shaking. I've done it a few times. Really? Oh yeah. When I was young in London, I did it one time. Or no, we were in, yeah, no, we were in London. My buddy Travis came down to see me. We didn't have any fucking money. We got in the cab and it did hit us. I was like, wait, do you really not have any money? He's like, I don't have any money. And this is in college, so it wasn't like tap to pay. Yeah. It was like, you need cash.

And the whole time he was like, all right, dude, you got it. We were going to book it. And I was like, oh, dude, I don't want to do this. He's like, you don't have a choice, dude. We have to fuck him. But we have no fucking money. What are we going to do? Like work it off with this guy? Yeah. I was like, OK. And we were so anxious, like, giddy little kids waiting. And the moment it happened, he goes, now! And we opened the door. And I'm spread like running. And we're both laughing.

By the way, I turned around once. The cab just rolled away like nothing happened. Didn't care. Oh, my God. He was like, kind of fucking dickhead kids. Oh, my God. But in London, in London, I feel like, you know. That's so fun. Dude, years ago. But this woman, I was working at a restaurant on the Lower East Side. I'm outside smoking this cigarette. It's like 2 AM. Everything's kind of shutting down. This woman is running down the street going, help, help.

and this this uh black guy's chasing me he's going get back here bitch get back here bitch give me that money and i'm like oh my god oh my god this guy is gonna rob her she runs across the street i go get in the restaurant she runs in the guy is running down the street um and she had another friend he caught up to her he goes to grab her and i run up and i tackle him

and he goes on the ground. I push him, like tackle, push him in the wall. He slumps down and I'm like, go get out of here. And the woman's like, ah, ah, and she just runs. And the guy's like, what'd you do? They stole from me. I was like, what? He was a cab driver and they ran out on the cab. And I was like, oh, no.

I'll never forget. They stole from me. I was like, I'm so sorry. You did what you thought was right. You got to try. You got to try. Yeah. You failed miserably. I failed. I failed. I would be too scared. One time I tried to run away. I got the cops came to it. I stole liquor. And I was like, always had to dream of stealing, like going to a liquor store and just like taking everything. I stole. We stole all the time. Yeah, I had it. And the guy saw me and he grabbed me and he like had, he was like holding me and then my friend came out and I was like, dude, take me. I get it. I'll pay you whatever.

And my friend came out of nowhere and tackled the guy and went run. And I had just bought these new cowboy boots. And I got like four feet like, oh, oh, oh. And then the cop was like, oh, it was like, get on the ground. I was like, I'm going in. Running a cowboy looks so dumb. Look at such a child.

I used to see, I used to, and puffy coats, we used to go to this liquor store by my school, and I used to have winter jackets, and I would tuck bottles of fifths down my arms and walk out like that. We had one kid where they, for years, it was like every party you went to, he got the beer, he stole it from Wegmans, and then finally they pulled him in, and they go, look it, we've spent

like a year accumulating this footage of you. We know what you did. And then they put them in jail and then we all had to, it was like if you've ever been to a party that was thrown by him, you have to throw in. That is actually really sweet though. Yeah. To show some solidarity. Yeah. I would have been like, fuck that guy. Your friends do. Oh, okay. Dean, don't, uh, don't start with that dude. You want to know what friends do, man? What? You want to know what friends do? Yeah, tell me. You want to know what friends do? Huh.

They do it just right. They do it just right. They do it just like that. Just like that. When I move you move. Just like that. She was singing that at some point. It is really weird to hear your friend have sex. It's kind of rad for me because to hear it through the phone makes it funny because I didn't have to be in the room.

But it is really weird to hear your voice and sex voice. It's so fucking funny, dude. It changed my perception to you completely. Really? He was more masculine. Way more masculine. Way more masculine. Yeah. And also my ex played us having sex because we used to record us sleeping because I used to talk in my sleep.

And she tried to play it for Jordan, because like one time in my sleep, I was like, who are these people? No, he went like this. He went like this. He goes full Jew in his sleep watch. He goes, he goes, who are these people? And she goes, I don't know. And he goes, well, did they pay to get in? Jesus, dude. Even in your sleep, you're a Jew. Yeah.

But what was the other Jew thing you said? Remember? There was a second. Oh, no. There was a thing where I go out. He's sleeping. He's absolutely terrifying. And then she was trying to find it, but she played us having sex and, uh, Jordan. No video, just audio. No, I heard you threw a wall all night one night.

Through that. Oh, yeah. Vermont. Yeah. Yeah. All night. We just just sleepy, you sleepy, you audio of you going, I forgot to turn on the weather. I told you, you had to carry the wine. Just counting. Yeah. Forty five, forty six. Oh, yeah, that was Vermont. The hotel rooms are right next to you. Thin walls. Thin, growing walls. I've heard so many comedians have sex because of hotel room shit.

because of sharing, like sharing hotels with people? Yeah, I was at a festival with Jean-Marco Suresi, and his girlfriend heard him having sex know what that's all about. Was he running bits by? Dude, he would, they actually low key. They were having sex, and then as soon as they were done, they were like, anyway, I really think that this opportunity, like it went straight to the system. No, oh. I literally was like, he's rolling her to him having sex. Two comedians in a big, real relationship is a crazy thing. No, he, she's a manager, and he's a comedian.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Tagging the same business. Yeah, they're fucking power couple though. I mean, hanging out with them, I'm like, you guys got this dialed in. It's crazy. Yeah, but then what do you do? How do you have a down moment? How do you unwind? Yeah, how do you have a down moment? He took her to the cellar for like their anniversary. That was like their anniversary dinner. Stop it. To like watch him. You're not talking shit. One just saying like, well, I don't know them. So you guys are saying it. I don't know anything about them. Yeah, I guess you're right. I am. Don't touch it. Yeah, you're right. My bad. Don't touch it. What can you do?

Look at the new SLA Jordan, don't touch it. Wow. I know. And I stopped stealing from Whole Foods. Whoa. That's so hard. That's the hardest thing I've ever done. Wait, why? You just got to steal from the airport. If you're in recovery, it's not good to do things that are like... Yeah, but stealing from someone that deserves... Like, how do you feel about the health care guy getting shot? I don't think anybody should lose their life. I think he should have gotten a fucking tune up. Yeah. You know. It would have been nice if they beat him up instead of shot him. That's what I'm saying.

I think that it's cool that he did a 3D printed gun. Whatever happened to him? Whatever happened to people robbing you leaving you naked. That was like a cool thing in the 90s. They make you strip, you know, just for embarrassment. You don't know about this? Oh, yeah, it happened in Uncle Jim's. Like, how come they don't do that? Like, how come they don't, like, beat people up and make them get naked instead of... I don't know, but it's so scary to imagine. It's just so funny to make someone get naked. Gun points get naked. It's all masculine. It's awesome.

That's what you need to do. You really want to embarrass people publicly? I think if you want to embarrass them, make them ready for this. Make them leave their shirt on, no pants around to wear. Who bare? That's worse than naked. Oh my god, and make them- Leave their shoes, and make them- Make them with shoes, and high socks. Make sure they gotta hold their hands up like this. And go uppie, uppie, uppie. Uppie, uppie, uppie. Oh dude, when I was with the gals, I was trying to take my rings off, but I had too much salt, so I had to hold my hands above my head for a little bit, so my- Oh my god!

Where'd you stop it? I'm thinking about how whenever you get too much sodium in your fingers, you always go, I had too many meats and cheeses. It is so funny to think that right before you hook up with them, you gotta take off all that jewelry. I know, do you? Yes, I would want it on. You gotta get in there with those fangas. Well, if I slap you in the face, you don't want a rain mark, you know? Yeah, you do. Yeah, all right. You like being hit? You know what I hate? Spanking. I'm not a baby.

I'm not a baby. But you're my baby. No. It was a goo goo goo. No, I like being jocked. Jocked? What is jocked? Yeah, that's right. And I like that. Wait, like that? Yeah, that's jock around. Jocking I made up from the song that goes jock in a bitch, slapping a hoe. No, you just slapped me. You didn't jock me. Okay, but I don't like being hit. I like that. I like punching, choking.

Suffocation. Don't breathe anything next. And what's banking, slap anything stingy? Don't bite me? Don't stingy me? Okay, so the pain has to be encompassing. It can't be pointed. It can't be like, ow, little. It has to be like, yeah, fucking smash me.

Throw me against the wall. Brews, no red marks. Right. You don't like any abusive shit. No. No, see? That's where we all, that's where we differ big time. You are sensitive and soft, you don't wanna hurt. No hurty. Like on your like smack, how you smack a butt. Oh, I'll do a spank. But then you gotta rub it to make it nice and then you kiss it. Yeah. That's what I do. I hit right on the back of her head, right back there. That's what I do.

By the way, that is what my dad, my dad, this right here, my dad would, that he would crack a so fucking hard. The sound, it was like almost, I wish I could record the pitch of it. It was like sk-h-h-h. It was like reverberate. Oh, in your head? Yes, because it was, oh my God, but on the crown he would hit. Like we never get hit, hit, hit. My dad would kick us in the ass.

That hurts. I don't want that. But what do you kick with the foot or like a side foot? Yeah, side foot. Get out of the dog. Get out. It wasn't cowboy boot and it was here. It was like this. Get. Your dad wore cowboy boots? Yeah. Really? Where did you grow up? My dad was from the Chicago, but then he bought a farm upstate from the Chicago. She's still she's getting there. That's fine. My dad from Chicago. I just bought a bowls vintage bowls style baseball jersey.

Bulls didn't play baseball. Can you picture that though? I know they didn't, but that's the style. I get it. Am I allowed to wear that? Yeah, why not? Of course you are. I was named after Michael Jordan.

No, you weren't. Yeah, she was. Really? How do you guys not know this? Chicago, my dad's from Chicago. How did I not know that? I don't know. You told me that before and I thought that was great. You love now. Yeah. Your middle name is Jeffrey. Your middle name is Jeffrey as well. That's right. Jordan, Jeffrey, Jefferson, or Scranton. Yeah. I was named after Ian Anderson. Who the fuck is that? He was the, he was in Jethro at all.

It makes so much sense. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. That does make sense. And also, Ian means John and Gaelic, and my dad's name was John, and they wanted to name me John, but my mom was like, mmm. Sorry. That gets me every time. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about that. No, no. Wait, but no, Ian's a Jew name, isn't it? No, it's Gaelic for John. He's not a Jewish. He's like a tiny bit Jewish. No, he is Jewish.

I can feel it on him, dude. He's how much get Jewish? I'm like 14% Ashkenazi. I got it from a 23 me. I wasn't raised too much for me. His mom and dad wasn't Jewish. Your mom and dad were neither of them were Jewish.

through blood down the lineage. But they got rid of it because they wanted to wash it away. But we weren't like raised. Yeah, we were Italian. And then I did the 23andMe and I went to my mom's house. And then you have Irish to light a manure to be like, we're Jewish now. Like, let's do that. And it's set the dining room table on fire. I was like, I think it's a sign from Yahweh.

You're poor mother It's so funny to try to get into a religion and it immediately rejects you. No, thank you As is Italian as possible You know in here

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You guys both of you, I will say this, I want to be honest for a second. Oh, here we go. If it's sincere, I'll puke. If it's sincere, I'll take it. You guys are genuinely both two of the funniest people that I know. Oh. I'm proud to call you my friends. And I am excited for your growth and your careers. So one day we will not talk as much anymore. That's so nice up until the end. You know what I appreciate it by your phone guy. That's true.

You'll call him phone. I like the phone. Oh, you know what's so funny about this? Cuz I call you on the phone and you don't like that I'm a phone guy, but he's on you fucking like phone guys You know what it is. We have different phone game. What's your phone game? He's like unpacking. Let's talk yours is like Don't shock her dude. She'll come oh

It's been a while, dude. Don't do that. I love phone calls. I like phone calls. You said that to hurt me. All right, how about this? Boy, I actually wasn't even thinking about that. You know what it is? Your sign off isn't quick enough. You have to do a quick sign off. I realize my sister is the best at this. My sister goes like this. You talk for a minute and she goes, I gotta go. And you go, all right, bye. There's no I love you. It's just bye. Hang up. All right.

I'll talk to you later, bye. Yeah. Okay. Well, then pick up the phone. I'll hang up quick. You go, you go. All right, dude. Oh, you're one of those guys. I'm going to do an exact example. Okay. Talk on the phone. We do, but I've never noticed it, but she just gets annoyed by it. Probably because... So when are you going to come tomorrow? She's in love with you.

Go ahead. Oh, you want to phone with me? I mean, you're Ian on me. This is Ian. Anyway, so hey, and I, OK, I got to jump off. OK, wait a second. What you gonna call it? You always say what you gonna call it. What you gonna call it? So Tuesday, six weeks from now.

Code Orange wants to do the podcast at 7 p.m. Are you around for that? I don't know. Okay, cool, but we're gonna need a Patreon. What are you doing tomorrow? Do you need to watch the seller? And I'm like, I have to go right now. This is the Amazon fire. You and I have been having fun.

This is so real and honest. You and I have been having good phone calls lately. Yeah, because of recovery. Thank God. Thank God for recovery. Yeah. For you doing that. Yeah. Because it's boy. Yeah, you have to be nice to be. I'm proud of you. Yeah, I just don't want to have to make too many amends. I'm really proud. Well, I'm waiting for the day. I'll set aside about 12 hours. I am so proud of you and the progress you've been making. Thank you. It's really nice. Thank you. Mm hmm.

You should do it. You should do it. Yeah, why don't you do some of it?

I'm the one that got her in SLA. Hey, dude, that's not a part of the program. I gave her a book. Yelling isn't a part of the program. You're right. I need to not yell. There it is. See, it's easy. Now make amends to me, dude. You're right. No, I like phone. I do like talking to both of you guys on the phone, but I do like a quick hang up. Like my agent is my detouring agent, I mean, maybe one of my favorite guys on earth. He doesn't even say goodbye. He goes, all right. And it's gone before. It's gone before I know it.

My wife one time was like, did he just hang up on you? I go, this is what he does. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's just, it's straight to the fucking point. Hey, did you want to do about that or about that? And I go, I don't think so. I go, all right, man. That's it. See, I've been, no rambling. I got to hop off. I'll see you. And then, yeah.

Is it a crime I like talking to you? This is how you twist this. This is gaslighting. This is gaslighting and it's finest. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It is a crime that I like to talk to you so much and I want to hang up. Oh, I'm so sorry that I care about you so much. I do. I do. That I have to monopolize your time when you set a boundary saying I have to go and I break the boundary by five minutes of guaranteeing my kind of tendency when I want. Because I don't know whatever speaks you again. OK, that's scarcity mentality and that's not right.

I don't know when the next time I'll ever get a holy force into a professional relationship. You have to save me. Yeah, this is professional rape. It's great. Yeah, I'm bound to you. You guys are bound together for the rest of time. Yeah, it's like me and Bobby. It's the same thing. What are those scribbles? Give me hand.

This is also gas. You do this. If we're arguing about something, you go, I love you. And I'm like, I know, but I'm upset and you go, I love you though. And I'm like, OK, I love you too. And you go good. Everything's good. And I'm like, OK. That's how that's from childhood. Oh, that's how we do things at home. That was a challenge. But then you go and then you go. If we didn't love each other, we wouldn't yell and hit. Yeah. That's how you show love.

That is true. That is a trauma bonding experience. He's doing that because it's something from childhood. Mine is you hit and then you walk away and you let this thing sink in. And then next time you see each other, you pretend that nothing happened. So yeah, like you, this is the twist is that I get hit and then they walk away. Yeah. And then I end up apologizing. Yes. I'm sorry you had to hit me. I have to resolve in the moment right there because you could walk away and get killed.

Well, that's dramatic. So dramatic. Yeah. No, I'm not saying it's not true. I'm just saying you pique drama. I have OCD about resolution, but it's around like my mom, like me and my mom can't hang up mad or else because my dad died. And that's me. I know it's my dad died. So I don't, you don't know that. Yeah, but it's different with my daughter's and mother's is different. She keeps telling me to quit smoking cigarettes because I'm going to die like her dad. Well, that's actually just the truth.

No one's not. You smoked a cigarette, then we'd talk. My dad's supposed to say the amount is you. And then you wanted to smoke another cigarette right after we... Because you guys are jib jabber and I'm just... Stop being a prick and many. You sound like my dad, you smell like him, and in movie theaters you guys act the same, where you get a little itchy, and then when we're walking out of the theater, you bum rush it to the door and light a cigarette. He did that. Same cigarettes, same kind of cigarettes. Very close. What were they? Winston's. Winston's. My dad smoked Winston's too. My dad smoked Winston's too. Winston's and Marber Eds. Troubled kids! Yeah!

And then my uncle smoked unfiltered palmalls, which I thought was insane. Well, I've done that. Because it's soft back. It's almost like burning tobacco and just huffing it in your own hand. There's nothing there. It's like burning newspapers. No, he's still alive. No, he is. He's still alive. Is your dad? He's still alive. Is he smoked still?

No. How do you know? I'm not gonna die. I mean, dude, it was like a 10-year run of getting off cigarettes. Good for him. Everything, I'm sure. I will quit, eventually. I will quit. I don't think you will. I will quit. No, because you're right in the throes of it, dude. 40s is when, this is what, you're in like the thick of it. You're nowhere near quitting. You don't quit. You won't quit till you're in your 50s. I bet my bank account on it.

And I hate to say that, but I can tell. You know why? Your career is going good. You're happy. You're having a good time. Life feels fun. So, cigarettes, you're like, what? This is, come on. Yeah. Am I right? Well, I... And you're influenced by your friends that also all smoke still. I can't stop touching this. Can you hear me? Dave still smokes. Me and Dave are the only people I know that smoke. He's the one you smoke with the most. Yeah, he has those little filter things. Would you be happier if I use the little filter? Yeah. Big time. All little filter it. And lights. And lights. What are you talking about?

Dave puts little filters on light cigarettes. He's like, well, tips that take some of the tar out. I have them at the apartment. Have you ever done this thing where you put a... What are you giggling at? I've seen them at the apartment. This is an old married couple. I have them at the apartment. I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it.

It's so cute as if you live together like they're at the house. They're in the bedside table, baby. I'll take them. Well, I'll get them for you. So you won't forget them. I just don't understand how you're not afraid of that. It's all it takes is your arteries in your heart. I mean, I mean, I'll defend him. I'll defend him. A, you know, wish I still smoke, but B, I like the sauce.

And the sauce is full. It's so bad for you. It's so bad for you. It's so bad for you. What is the sauce everywhere? Bourbon? Whiskey? Whiskey. It's almost all, but it's almost all. Yeah. I'm a retarded person. I'm a dumb person. I'm a dumb person that shouldn't be allowed to drive. The dumbest guest we've had. That driver is all fucked up. What kind of brown shit is he? You're the dumbest guest we've had. Yeah. Hands down. No, but you're right. You got to write the first time. It is mostly bourbon. There's more bourbon than whiskey up there.

What's the difference? I love that shit. I mean, I don't remember. Bourbon? Yeah. My favorite whiskey was Canadian Club. Bourbon more corn. Canadian Club. Yeah. It's my grandfather used to drink. Yeah. Canadian Club whiskey and then I drank Crystal Palace vodka. No, that's sad boy shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's real stuff. And then Irish Rose in the morning in the morning. Remember, Crystal Palace, the handles that were kind of like. Yeah, $11.99 per half. Yeah. Well, they were like, they made the plastic look like crystals and then you take the plastic off like this.

Yeah, with your teeth. Yeah, like a real scumbag. Plasid balls when you drop it, you don't break. Okay, let's go back. But I like the sauce. I know it's poison. It's inevitably going to kill me or hurt me in a long time. I don't drink a lot anymore. Do I drink a lot anymore? Not really. Not as much. You take a lot of breaks. I take big breaks, but also like you two live together. I know. Hey, sweetie pie. Hey, babe. We're not quite moved in yet, but we are doing everything else.

I can tell. Good boy. I can tell. Who's my little girl? Who's my little good boy? I like that. I made him grow up that mullet that had something to pull. That's great. But I drink, but I like, I like, I like the sauce and I know it's bad. We all have our own things. You'd be a fool to think it's not going to be hurtful in the long run. Of course it is. But also I don't drink and I don't do drugs anymore, which is fucking huge. That's not a subtle argument though. Yeah, it is. Because smoking is still just killing you anyway. Dude, come on. The way I fucking drank, I should be dead. I don't do it anymore.

And that's something that I'm really proud of them. But we want you to last longer than two without the cigarettes then. If you caught it, caught it. The fear is the sudden heart attacks. That's what smoking does. It causes sudden, like you will be like, I'm healthy. Exercise all the time. So did my dad. My dad was fucking jacked dude. Where's the last place you want to have a heart attack? Pooping.

Oh, it's so sad. But you're pooping so much. I know I poop a lot. He is also IBS. There's the Jewish part. I have a lot of BM's. You're moving. I had a buddy do we travel together. He didn't move for five days. I don't move for five days. That's me. What? And then go to the hospital. Let me tell you something. Don't shift for four days.

Then it comes out your eyes. What comes out, buddy? Unbelievable. And it's usually in my house. Unbelievable. Nice little gift. That means I feel safe. My doctor said that means I feel safe. That is actually true. Yeah. You know why? That's why I couldn't poop at school.

I never wanted to poop at school. I hated it. But the moment I walked into my house at home, my body was like, we have to poop now. So I'm pooping the morning before school, couldn't poop all day at school, even if I ate something terrible, you know, wait.

I will say, you know, I did have a prodigious run this weekend of threesome sex, amazing shows, wonderful, wow, life is good. And then at the Denver airport on Sunday, I shit so hard. It went on my back and I had to wash my clothes and sink at the airport. What? Wait, you shit yourself? No. On the toilet, I shit so hard. It splashed on my back. The water or the clothes? The water or the poop?

A little bit of both, babe. Was it whack poo? Listen up, ladies out there on the road. You want this thing. You can have it in your city near you. Plug your dates, dog. You want old shit back to get you? Old shitbacks coming to town.

Gross, buddy. I say that to say, I'm human. You are. People think you're not. We all knew that from the zombie he sat down. Sometimes he doesn't seem like it. You didn't sit down and people would have known this man even. This guy was this man. This man made him flutter blood that I see before my eyes.

He sat down and basically immediately was like, I had too much caffeine. I'm having a pain. I'm a person just like you. Shit off my back one. Splash at a time, just like you. Celebrities, they're just like us. How many of these are you having? Are you drinking coffee all day? Do you do this? Yeah. All day?

Seven p.m. And I'm done if it's 7 p.m. I'm out whenever I pick her up or anything I always bring her a coffee I have a heart rate of 40 beats a minute. I can fall asleep. What does I have a slow one too? Really? It actually means you're healthy is much fast Don't check it right now. Did you sleepy bear? I can't sleep much at night, but you sleep you right now, right? Only because I'm on drugs, but you have a lot of energy. I've assumed too much

Yeah. Thank him. You do the magnesium, double, double dose. I mag up and then I still can get to sleep, but I don't see, I don't, my deep sleep doesn't last a long time. You need a dog, I gotta pop me in my bed, she helps me. I have my dog, he needs, my dog doesn't want to sleep in the bed. She sleeps under the bed. Do you have a wife that holds you? She sleeps under the bed too. Yes. Yes. That was a good one. I said get under there and make it bounce so I can soak. Jump up me now, nice.

Do you guys want to plug some dates for real? You should. Sure. Plug some dates for the kids. Let them know when you motherfuckers are out there. Oh my goodness. When does it come out? Go see these fucking losers. This is coming out probably in a week or two. I'm going first. Go first. Okay. Going to Alfreda, Georgia, Indianapolis, Raleigh, Buffalo, Boston, St. Louis, then Dublin, London, Paris, Oslo, Stockholm, Amsterdam, Berlin, Philadelphia, Rochester, Winnipeg, Minneapolis, Tampa, and Portland. Wow, dude, the Amsterdam run. That'll be really fun over there. Yeah. That's going to be really fun.

Where are you going? Me? Well, let me know. Oh, December 31st, Providence, Rhode Island. You play New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve, my 40th birthday. Two shows, me and a special guest, gonna be fun.

Um, and then, uh, I am in Hartford, Connecticut, West night, New York, Connecticut, again, Syracuse, Albany, Jersey, Portland, Maine, uh, Portland, healing Portland, Oregon, Appleton, Wisconsin. You're good at this. Vegas, Utah, Kansas city, San Diego, everywhere. Where are you playing in Vegas? When? Where? Oh, why is the guys Vegas?

Hey, all right. Is that new? I never knew those were wise guys. I like wise guys Utah. Yeah, Utah is great. Yeah, I'm doing wise guys Utah too. I didn't know that was a club out there in Vegas. Yeah. Yeah, it's new. It's really good. I hear it's really good. Really fun. Well, go see the kids. I'm going all over. I'm on the road to May. IanFidance.com for my special Wild Happy and Free. The podcast is being in Jordan. It's a great show. I did it. It was phenomenal. I want to come back and do it at some point. All right. P. Jordan Jensen.

R.I.P. Jordan Jensen, please watch us on Instagram. We're for Farts and Fun being in for first sadness and suicide. R.I.P. All right. We end the show the same way. Look in that camera, each of you at your own time, say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Go ahead and go first, Jordan. Picking in his. Picking in his. Go ahead. Smoke him if you got him. Okay. Picking in his. Is it racist? Yeah. It is.

No. I thought you were joking. Black? No, take it any bad. Wait, what? But it's like historically that's like, uh... In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy?

Tanger. I like tangers.