I gave my sister $5,000 to get divorced and end her pregnancy. Am I the jerk? Here's what happened. Subscribe to am I the jerk on YouTube and hit the bell for notifications. I, 32-year-old male, have two older brothers, male 38 and male 40, and a sister, female 34. Note the age differences. Our dad passed away five years ago in our hometown, a more suburban town in Wisconsin.
Our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for by a lot of my parents' families who were very conservative. My dad personally was not. By the time me and my sister were born, our dad's career was doing great and we were well off. Me and my sister have masters, while our brothers didn't go to college despite the funds and chances.
My mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer's kid. This didn't progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. My brother's families are both in town as well. I worked in tech in China then and lived in San Francisco now. And since the funeral had been mostly low contact with everyone except my sister.
Honestly, I was very close with my dad, and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn't like. So, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. My sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. She married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. I honestly was in shock at the wedding. I really didn't ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom.
I knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of she's back home posts. Later, I found out that she had pretty much given all of her savings to her husband. Late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue, started calling me and just chatting about things. I, of course, love this. Early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant.
I immediately asked my sister about this, and she kinda broke down. In short, the husband has been abusive, she's broke, and my family and her in-laws haven't helped. My oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing, and my sister should stop thinking she's special.
The first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. This was fairly common. This is where I might have been the jerk. I basically yelled at her too. I told her that she had a career which she can still go back to. And I can help her move back to New York City where she worked and studied before. And that the pregnancy wasn't the end of it and there were other options. The next day, she asked me for 5K, which I sent to her without asking.
I didn't hear much after and didn't intrude, cause it was a total mind freak. A month later, my sister told me she'd gotten a new job in New York City and filed for divorce. The pregnancy is also no longer on the table. Now my family's been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of names. I've in general called them stuff back as well, and the home might be on the market soon.
My sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex. And well, things aren't great, but I'm happy my sister's better. So, am I the jerk? Absolutely not. I have no idea what's going through the rest of your family's head that they think this was a good situation that she was in. This is not normal, and by no means something that your sister should just have to accept. I'm 100% with our original poster here.
I would have done whatever it took to get her out of there as quickly as possible. You need 5 grand? No problem at all. If it's gonna mean that you're safe and happy and away from that jerk, I'll cover whatever you need. Sister seems like a good person, and I'm sure she'll pay this money back later. But even if she wasn't able to, it's completely worth it given the situation.
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I told my barren sister not to worry about not having kids because she would have been a horrible mother anyway. I, 17-year-old male, have two sisters, Alice 29 and Miranda 33. I'm much closer to Alice than I am to Miranda. Miranda's also not on good terms with our parents.
Alice has 4 kids and is currently expecting child number 5. While Miranda can't have children, which her ex divorced her for, Miranda's very successful in life. She has a nice apartment, works a good job, and earns a decent amount of money.
Alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. She had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to be a stay-at-home mom to her children while her boyfriend provides for them. Me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible.
Be it child care or money, whatever she needs. I love my nieces and nephews. I take them to the park and play with the older ones. I really do enjoy it. Miranda doesn't help out with them. She says it's because she's too busy. Well, she works long hours, but she doesn't have kids, so I don't know what she does on weekends.
She also doesn't help out financially, which I find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for Christmas and birthdays. My parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to Alice Monthly, and I agree with that.
So here comes the part where I may have been the jerk. I was at Miranda's place last week, as she was baking muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. We got on the topic of Christmas presents and I told her some of the stuff I wanted. She nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation, and Alice some clothes she had mentioned, and also some new boots and jackets for her kids.
I was a little stunned she didn't have more for Alice, so I asked, why do you only get Alice the bare minimum? You can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite. Miranda looked at me and laughed. She said it wasn't her business to
feed six people, that Alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. She knew what she was getting herself into, and she wouldn't pay Alice's way through life just because she kept having children she couldn't afford. I was stunned at how cold she reacted.
I asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring. And she got angry and told me, listen kid, there are some things you're way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. Drop the subject or get out. I got really frustrated with her and said something I probably shouldn't have. I told her, no wonder your husband divorced you. Even if you could have children, you'd be a terrible mother.
Miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. She's now blocked me on everything, and though I don't agree with her not helping out, I'm starting to feel guilty for what I said. So, am I the jerk?
This has to feel like one of the worst things one of our original posters has ever said. I don't know what to even begin to tell this kid. Their point of view on this matter is so skewed. I get that you like one sister more than the other, but that doesn't mean that she's God's gift to Earth.
She's clearly made some questionable choices in her judgment, and her financial situation is on no one but her and her boyfriend. It's not Miranda's responsibility to pay for all these kids, just because Alice can't use protection. Why do they insist on having more and more children when they're already financially struggling? Miranda sounds like she's done really well for herself, despite everything that's happened to her and the curveballs that she's been thrown. I don't think that she's jealous of Alice's situation.
I'm sure she would like to have a kid of her own, but that doesn't mean that she wants to be where Alice is. And because your point of view is so skewed on this matter, you said something that was incredibly disrespectful to your sister. I'm surprised she acted as calm as she did, and I don't blame her for just completely cutting you off after that.
Co-worker Karen isn't happy with the quality of the bag of coffee I'm brought and insists I swap it out. I used to work in a small office area and we had a simple coffee set up for those who liked to drink coffee during the workday. There was a list and when the current coffee supply was running low, the next person on the list would bring in a bag of coffee for the office.
There were ten or so people on the list, meaning that any one person would have to bring in coffee every other month, maybe. It had worked rather well, and everyone was happy with the setup. Enter Coffee Karen. It's her turn to get coffee, and she brings in a pound of coffee from some local hipster coffee bar.
It was good coffee and everyone commented on her coffee selection. Thing was, this was high-end designer coffee and cost about $20 per pound. When that coffee runs out, the next person on the list decides that they didn't want to be outdone and gets a pound from a different bar with a similar price point. Again, good coffee and everyone comments on that person's coffee selection.
This cycle goes through four more times until it's my turn to bring in coffee. While I do enjoy a fancy cup of joe, the normal for me is just whatever's about $6 a bag at the grocery store, which is what I bring in and put by the coffee maker. About an hour later, coffee-caring comes storming to my desk with my bag of coffee in her hand like it was half of a roadkill she found on her way to work.
Did you bring this crap? She has the bang pinched between two fingers and is holding it in my face. Yeah, it was my turn to bring coffee. We don't drink this crap here anymore. She drops it on my desk and sneers at me. You'd better go someplace for good coffee or we're going to cut you off. And she walks away. Well, then I'll do just as you say. After work, I take my coffee and go home. I pass by a coffee house on my way home from work and go in.
It was a nice place. They'd made it look like a bar but serving coffee instead of alcohol. I ordered a house coffee and was able to talk to the barista as I was the only one in the place not glued to a phone. I told him what had happened at work and what I was planning, which was to get a pound of his coffee, take it home, keep the good stuff and put the crap coffee in his bag. The barista, who turned out to be the owner of the place, laughed and said he loved the idea.
So I get a pound of the house coffee and the guy throws in a few extra empty bags. The next day I bring in my pound of crap coffee in the bag from the coffee bar and everyone's telling me how great it is. Coffee caring comes to me and says, Now isn't this better than the crap you brought yesterday? Never bring in cheap coffee again.
I agree and tell her that the coffee from the bar was just amazing. I just failed to mention that the coffee she was drinking was the same that she turned her care and nose up at the day before. Later in the week, I go back to the coffee bar and find the guy to tell him what happened. He loves it.
and said when I ran out of bags to come back and get more from him, I asked him why he was supporting my crap coffee in his packaging. And he said, well, they don't know good coffee from crap coffee, right? So they like the coffee they may come in here and get my good coffee and decide to get more of it free advertising for me. It must have worked out for him because I saw a few of his coffee cups at work over the next few months. As for me, I got to wake up every morning to a nice cup of coffee.
Yeah, a lot of people think they know more about the quality of something than they typically actually do. I feel like our original poster found the perfect creative solution to this problem. He is a nice bag of coffee for himself personally, for every morning, and everyone at the office is happy with his choice. Little do they know it's the same crap they refused to drink before. I have a feeling that Karen wasn't the only one complaining about your choice.
But I completely understand not wanting to spend three times the amount on coffee just because other people are snobby about it. At the end of the day, you buy what you can afford. Sure, a lot of people want the nicer coffee, but a lot of other people don't really care, especially when they're the ones paying for it.
I sent my resignation letter in and accidentally triggered a mass quitting across my company. I was done with the company as they cut our pay to avoid laying off anyone, but then we posted record profits, and they didn't increase our salaries or give us the 10% bonus everyone was promised.
20% of the department had already quit, but I was hanging on a bit hoping to ride it out until next year. Then the boss yelled at an intern for asking to go home early and have time off because her mom just called to tell her that her cat was dying and to go straight to the fence. She wanted a few days off, and the boss basically told her cats were animals and she wasn't allowed to request time off unless it was a human dying.
He was supposed to discuss it in private, but decided to just go to a corner of the office where my team overheard him. She was crying, grabbed her stuff, and ran out of the office. I sent a company wide email, which is standard, saying that I was quitting, and highlighted the interaction between the boss and the intern as the main reason.
Though I didn't name names. Then, immediately, like 10 people emailed me back to ask me who the manager was and to avoid leaving a trace. I told them in person and within a few days, most people knew. I work in IT.
where finding a new job now is really easy. And tons of friends would offer me referrals into their companies immediately. I found another job within the two weeks and am starting on Monday. There's been over two dozen people sending quitting emails. And now the company is shutting down people's emails a few days before they leave, so they can't send goodbye emails and link their LinkedIn or phone number so current employees can't find them to piggyback to the next company.
The boss came to berate me as he was being disciplined and might lose his job. I don't feel sorry for him because he's a jerk, but his family's going to be hit hard because he doesn't have any marketable skills other than PowerPoint. Am I the jerk here?
I mean, you didn't name any names on the record, so your boss can't really blame you exactly. Besides, it sounds like there were other people there who witnessed it. You can't just go off like that and be that inconsiderate of your employees in front of other employees and not expect that information to spread.
It's bad enough how they were being treated regarding their salaries and bonuses. But being verbally abused by your boss while already in an emotional state is enough to push almost anyone over the edge. Just being a witness to that and knowing that that could be you next time, you don't particularly want to work for that person anymore, do you? Sounds like this company had some serious management issues.
And hopefully after all these people leaving, they take a real good hard look at why that might be. Toxic Gamer quickly turns 24 hour ban into a Perma ban. My nephew is really into online gaming. He knows I am as well, so thought I would appreciate this story. Sorry if some of the details are fuzzy as it's a retelling of something told to me by a hyperactive 16 year old.
Companies that do online gaming are starting to push back against toxic players that make the game less fun for everyone by issuing bans for racist comments, threats, and things like that. Depending on the game, it might start with a warning, then a 24-hour ban, then a 7-day ban, then a permanent ban. A lot of these games are free, so a perma-band player could create a new account, but all progress and benefits they earned are lost.
So it's still a big deal. This one game in particular has a forum where players can discuss and appeal bands. So one day a person posts complaining that they received a 24-hour ban for what they considered minor offenses, like saying buts or boobs. And could they check the chat logs to reconsider the temp ban? The response was, uh, we check the chat logs and over the course of that single gaming session, you made several racist, homophobic and sexist remarks, as well as threatened to go to another player's home and punch them in the
face. We're not sure how we missed that. The 24 hour ban is overturned. Your account is now permanently suspended. Thanks for bringing this to our attention. I mean, what were you thinking, kid? Come on. You know what you said in that game. You're really going to try and claim that it was minor offenses and for them to go have a second look. Do you really think that's going to get you the results you want? It's a 24 hour ban. Go do something else for the day and don't be such a jerk next time.
I had my half-brother removed from the will after he stole money from our father with Alzheimer's. Shortly after my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my formerly estranged half-brother quit his job and moved in to help take care of my dad. Though there wasn't really enough money, it was agreed to pay him around $300 a week to make up for his missing income. During this time, my half-brother abruptly acquired durable power of attorney and usurped medical and financial decisions.
My father and mother had separate financial lives. Several documents relating to my dad's pension, which were now my half-brother's responsibility, were not turned in on time, resulting in my dad missing out on a one-time payment of $8,000 and lowering his pension payout by about $300 a month. My half-brother then cleaned out my dad's remaining savings of about $3,000. But we didn't discover this until about a month later.
Six days later, our father took a short drop and a sudden stop in the basement. My dad left all of his insurance money and belongings to my mother. Us children were left with only sentimental items. My half-brother was visibly upset and shaking when the will was read.
He acknowledged that my mother was receiving everything and left. About a month later, we discovered the missing money. Though he broke no laws because he had power of attorney, we insisted he pay it back, even offered to let him make payments over a two-year period. He refused, and we've been no contact for two years now.
Little did he know that he was in my mom's, his stepmother's will. He would receive half of what is currently a $250,000 estate. I suggested to my mother that she remove him from the will. She did and I'm now the sole beneficiary. He stole $3,000 now, only to lose out on $125,000 later. I guess it doesn't pay to be a jerk.
Seriously, what a dirtbag. Clearly, there was a reason he was estranged in the beginning. And it's pretty obvious why he was suddenly coming around and wanted to be so close to your father as he was having trouble. The whole situation is really kind of messed up, but as much as I hate to say it, this might be for the best.
It's better than having this jerk hanging around and still trying to grub for everyone else's money. He chose to try and cash in on a family member passing away, and while he got $3,000 out of it, it cost him contact with all of his family. Now everyone knows who he is and what he really wants, and they're not going to have anything to do with him going forward. Being perfectly honest, just having him not in your guys' lives anymore, I would just go ahead and call that a win.
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