If you're trying to find the love of your life in 2025, what you have to do is on New Year's, you freeze 12 grapes. You take the grapes out of the freezer and you go and you sit under a table. I'm not even joking. You sit under a table when New Year's hits and you eat the grapes super fast.
one by one saying the month after each grape that you eat and then you kind of the month that you want to meet your loved one is the month that you say this is the month I'm gonna meet this man and supposedly if you set your intentions of the man that you're looking for to fall in love with and sweep you off your feet by doing this quick little ritual on New Year's at 12 a.m. you will then find the love of your life in 2025.
and your favorite meme queen in the big sit you didn't ask for, but me, you're welcome to almost adulting.
Hi, everyone. I'm Violetta. Ben, so welcome to a brand new almost adulting the largest self of pockets and movement. You know, more destination, personal growth, mental health, everything in between dating blah, blah, blah. Today marks the last day of 2024, almost adulting podcast. We are at the last episode before the new year. We just had Christmas yesterday or two days ago. Wow. I'm very bad with holidays. And we just celebrated the first day of Kwanzaa and the first day of
Hanukkah so happy holidays to everyone listening and yes you guys we made it to another year and it is time to reflect not to repent but to reflect i mean you can repent at your own time so as we say goodbye let's think of the fact that hey most of us didn't kill anyone which is such an achievement because
People have gotten more and more annoying. So the fact that 99.9% of us who listen to this podcast and run this podcast did not kill anyone. And I'm not talking about murder as in murder that pussy or, you know, stopping your ex's breath with your beauty. I'm talking about murder, murder. So let's give a round of applause to everyone. 99.9% of us who didn't kill anyone, no matter how annoying people have gone.
Also, round of applause is another year where you didn't accidentally get pregnant. That's amazing. What an accomplishment, honestly. I mean, some of us did get knocked up, but we are the age now where many of us who get knocked up, it is on purpose. So also, what an accomplishment. How amazing is the woman body that we can produce a whole human in our bellies? Only us freaking amazing. So congratulations to everyone out there that got knocked up on purpose.
Congratulations to everyone out there that's arrived another year. Even your lowest moments that you thought you wouldn't make it. Here you are right now. Listening to my podcast made it another day alive and well. I'm so proud of you. You've come this far. You got a bed that you finally showered today or maybe you'll finally shower tomorrow that you brush your hair that you finally decided to get up and find happiness again or find yourself. Congratulations.
I want to applaud to anyone out there that's been going through it lately. That maybe this has been the hardest year you've ever experienced. I'm not going to make jokes and tell you that maybe next year will be even worse. Instead, I'm going to congratulate you. You made it through one of the hardest, toughest times of your life. And here you are. You're doing just fine. Maybe you're barely getting by, but you survived it. You're still here and I'm so, so, so proud of you.
I also want to give a round of applause for all the men that got to go out with us this year. They didn't deserve it. But this year was all about doing charity. And we did our part, ladies. We did our part. My dating year, I cannot lie, was a bit dry. I picked up nothing but strays and uglies. But you know what? Someone had to date them. And this year, it was me. I did it for everyone else. So you didn't have to. So you can think me later because I took one for the teams.
But I will not be doing that next year. I was only bored this year and that was enough for me. That was enough mental strain and charity for me. We all have a limit and I reached mine. So let's try to leave the strays and the uglies and men who do the bare minimum and men who don't go to therapy and all the situationships. Let's leave them in 2024. OK, my sex life has been also just as dead as my roots are right now. I slept with zero men this year.
Honestly, I don't mind. I'm not even upset about it because the last guy dated wasn't that good in bed last year So I don't feel like I really missed out and there's only so much charity. I can do I'm not giving my vagina as part of the charity. I'm not that generous So I would say I'm officially entering 2025 as a renowned Virgin. I'm really excited for my vagina for all the opportunities there could potentially come her way I mean, I think 2025 is gonna be her year
And by her, I'm talking about my regime. I'm praying for loads more action. But of course, as usual, only with those who deserve her. Because she is a queen and she deserves nothing but the best, okay? I love you.
Next up, full transparency. I did get depressed at one point in 2024. I questioned the meaning of life and made the purpose that I had. I got so low. I even got myself in shopping debt because yes, I wasn't having sex. So I went.
through something else, but at least you know what? It wasn't heroin. So there's always a silver lining. I spent it on dresses and not on heroin or meth. So there is that. I had low moments, but then I somehow figured out how to lift myself back up. I decided not to give up. I got my finances in order. I got my spirits back up. I even ended up finally this year.
which is embarrassing to admit, I open up a savings account. It's an X accountant. I should know better, but you know what? People have spending problems. That's not usually a priority for them, and it's embarrassing as it is. I know somewhere out there can relate to me, and they will feel better to know they're not alone, that at any age, you can finally start over or just start an opening a savings account. So I finally opened one at my age, my 30s, and I just felt good that I put even anything in there.
And now I have a monthly payment that goes into there and I do not touch it. It's a high yield savings account. Some other things happened to me this year. I fell out of love with myself, but then I learned how to fall back in love with myself. I didn't get my heart broken by anyone except myself.
I learned, finally, I'm working on how to not allow broken people to break me without my permission. I did not give them permission this year. I forgave some friends. I forgive myself. I dumped some friends. I dumped part of myself that no longer served me. I wrote 12 chapters for my book. At one point, I even got a writing code beginning of this year. That's right. And I spent $15,000 a month
on having a writing coach. That's actually what put me in debt, so that's kind of funny. Only to eventually realize that my voice was always there from the beginning, and I should have just counted on myself because I knew what I was doing from the beginning. And once we let her go and I began writing the books, the chapters on my own all over again, my editor liked my writing style so much, she asked me to completely change the whole writing style that I've written so far. And to restart everything I've written,
into adapting the new writing style, which I did. And although the process has been slow in my end, it was spent many nights feeling bad about myself that I'm not enough. It has also been rewarding, and I cannot wait till I'm all done. And my book finally comes out, whether it's going to be either the first quarter of 2026, or it will be around the last quarter of 2025.
Some other things that happened for me this year that I, from the top of my head, I at one point when I was feeling really depressed is because I was not getting jobs at all anymore. I wasn't getting booked for jobs for my personal brand, for my meme account, all of that. And I was told that brands were just not really aligning with my personal brand anymore. And I needed to figure out how to redo the whole thing if I wanted to get hired again.
So I spent many nights trying to figure out what my personal brand was. I decided to just get up and do something about it. So that's exactly what I did. I redid my whole brand. I figured out how to still keep a part of me while attracting brands all over again to work with me. And slowly but surely, maybe two months later, I began booking jobs again to pay off my writing and shopping debt.
I then lost my passion for my podcast. I think it was pretty obvious towards the end of this year. I fired the people who were editing my podcast because I was another high expense and I realized I can just do the job myself. I began doing it all myself. I then towards the end of the year, it was pretty obvious. I began falling behind on it. I didn't give my podcast 110% because of my loss of my passion for it.
I forgot why I started podcasting, why I started giving advice and who I actually started this, all of this for, AKA for you guys, my besties, my listeners. I forgot that it was never about me that when I'm searching for fulfillment within myself and I make it about me, that's when I feel the most lost. When I realize that my purpose is about everyone around me, that's when I feel rewarded. And I forgot that for a second.
I felt like I let many of you down, which made me spiral, made me want to put even less effort. And then I woke up one day, the other day, actually. And I realized there is a big difference between saying how bad we feel about letting people down or not doing stuff we're supposed to do or how people deserve better than what we can give them. Like that dead be boyfriend, ex, that we've all had who said you deserve better and yet didn't do anything to show us, to prove to us that we did, in fact, deserve better.
It was just words. I realized that yes, there's a big difference between just saying words that I don't feel inspired and then actually getting the F up and doing something about it. Finally, either letting my bakias go instead of staying in some cycle where I feel bad about myself every single day. You're not changing anything or getting up and doing something about it. It's one thing to say we're going to do better, but it's another thing to do better.
I thought of all the moments I felt happiness creating my podcast and helping so many of you, all the moments I made it worth it for me and made me smile, and I gave myself a choice. While I'd be taking it for granted, let it slip from my fingers until it's too late or I step at the f-up and decide to do something about it and do it now.
I'm going to make changes in my podcast. I'm going to find my passion back into it. That's what I'm going to take the next two weeks if I'm allowed to. The next two weeks off and revamp my podcast. We figure out the new strategy for 2025, the new structure that can be excited about how to get you all engaged.
In my episodes, how to be more engaged with my audience, how to produce amazing episodes on time. I'm planning on doing all of that. So that's what I'm going to be doing for the next two weeks. So yeah, I'm really excited about that. I'm really excited to start fresh. Let's see. What else? I've been bonding more with my sister. We actually have a movie night that we're going to. We're supposed to go the other day, but I'm a really good person and I went to temple to make food and feed the less fortunate. So I couldn't.
But I've also been bonding more with my sister. We're actually going to see a movie together that my sister has been dying to see. I mean, since they announced that this movie was coming out, it's called Baby Girl. My sister has been dying to see it. We have been so into book talk and anything that has to do with from enemies to lovers and these erotic thrillers and romances. My sister has been reading every single one of those books. You know exactly the books I'm talking about.
So Baby Girl had kind of similar vibes where it's this romantic thriller with the delicious twist. The cumin characters have the sizzle and chemistry, spiky humor. And honestly, there's Nicole Kidman, isn't it? So my sister's vying to see it. The movie just came out, Baby Girl came out December 25th. And since I couldn't go on that day, since I was volunteering at Temple, which was the first day of Hanukkah, we are actually going this weekend to watch it.
If you're bored this holiday season, this movie Baby Girl will give you exactly what you want. It has Nicole Kidman, has Harris Dickinson, has Antonio Banderas, has Sophia Wilde, and it's basically been a cool kid when being this boss-ass woman who is just killing it in life and at work, and this intern comes in who's younger than her.
And the best way to describe it is think succession meets 50 shades of gray, a way better writing than 50 shades of gray. So this inter comes in and she pays no mind to him. But then next thing you know, their romance spices up and it becomes this powerful woman.
who is actually a sub sexually with this man and he's kind of her dom. And it gets to the point that their little love affair and their games and sexiness and spiciness and hotness starts to interfere with her whole life, almost risking her whole life, her whole career for this man, because it is that good. So I know I cannot wait to watch this dynamic, to watch this powerful woman. I mean,
I think we've all been there where we love to be independent and boss women outside in the workplace, but we are just cute little. We're just baby girls behind closed doors and in the bedroom. I know for me personally, I love a man to tell me what to do only in the bedroom, not outside.
So yeah, you guys should definitely go check out the movie. The movie, like I said, just came out December 25th. It's playing in theaters everywhere right now. I'm telling you it is the it movie and me and my sister going to see it this weekend, so I cannot wait. Speaking of men, I have decided to take dating more seriously in 2025, which is why I lined up three dates to even start my new year.
Two of them I canceled already within a few days. And the third one, I friends own the guy and I'm still not sure where we stand. But you know what? I do get A for effort. Here's the thing. If you want to take dating more seriously, want to stop taking strays or whatever's in front of us, we have to put ourselves out there.
That's how you get results. But of course, just like you should not go to the market when you are starving, since you will then get a bunch of food that's not good for you that you don't like or a bunch of food that you're going to regret eating afterwards or whatever is at the entrance of the market. You're just going to grab that even though you actually should have just been more patient and grabbed the meat in the back because it's tastier and better for you. And the bag of food that you grabbed, it was actually expired.
get my my analogy is that same exact way you should not go out there and put yourself out there when you were desperate for love because that is how you pick up strays when you're desperate for love when you don't want to be alone where you want your grandma to finally go to everyone on facebook that you're finally bringing someone
to Christmas dinner, whatever people doing Christmas, don't make that mistake because those fun few little dates or that fun moment, you can finally tell people that you have someone, you will then waste months afterwards picking your heart back up after you got manipulated or heartbroken or gaslit or love-bombed, whatever it is, you end up picking up other people's emotional traumas or unhealed selves that they just dump on you.
There are so many people who are walking around unhealed just waiting to destroy someone. So don't make the mistake and let them in your home. So yes, go on dates, go out there and meet people, but also use a sermon. Don't settle down or just go for the first person that's in front of you.
don't look the other way when there's clearly reflads from the beginning when you're talking to them. Because a lot of times, our intuition, we feel when things are off, when things are wrong. Whether it's in friendships or in relationships, we feel it and we ignore them. Because we think it's just our paranoia or we're just overthinking.
Only to then, a month down the line, three months down the line, six, eight, whatever, we get F'd over and we're like, oh shit. I had a bad feeling about this person from the beginning. I finally see it. I should have just listened to my intuition. So a lot of the time, you know, pay attention to that intuition and then ask yourself, is this enough for me to walk away? Or is this not a big enough deal breaker for me? Is this a red flag or an orange flag? I don't know what they call those. A yellow flag.
So as much as I want to, you know, find my person, I've been working over my, on my commitment issues and allowing people to get closer to me. Of course, I have moments where I felt lonely this year. I do know that it's much better to be alone. They get stuck with the wrong one. Of course, you can't know who's right or wrong for you unless you date them.
But I'm referring to even the ones who don't even match what you're looking for from the get-go. I'm not talking about the ones who, yes, you have to date them to see if you're a good match. I'm talking about the ones from the beginning where you're like, okay, there's a few things about their character or our hopes and dreams and goals don't align or values don't align from the beginning. And that's how I know there's no point to even give them a minute of my time because it's going to be a waste because from the beginning, I can already tell our values don't align.
Like their specific characters, six, I look for in a partner. I've kind of a checklist now in my head before even agreed to go out with them. I wasn't doing this before because I felt guilty that I even have that in my head. And then I always overlook that when in reality, we shouldn't feel guilty for having standards. If we're looking for specific things that we are attracted to, just want in a partner as long as we believe that we are able to offer the same in return or whatever we believe is a good offer in return to what we're looking for, I think you're good.
There's so many people out there, and just like when you're hungry and you don't rush for the first snack, do the same thing in dating. Patients will reward you in business, in work, in life, and in dating. One of the guys that actually rejected that I decided that wasn't the fifth for me and I didn't want to go out with them, because they made some one comment that I thought they might be a bit emotionally mature.
And I felt it like my intuition immediately told me something's off with this guy. So then I said, hey, I'll be honest. When he asked me to go out on date and he asked me for some dates, I said, listen, I don't think we're that compatible and I don't want to waste your time. So, and he would not let it go. He got so defensive and he just kept rejecting my rejection.
And he just kept telling me why I'm wrong and why I need to reconsider and how dare I devalue his value and how he's worth so much more that I'm perceiving it out to be and what a catch he is and the fact that he is actually very successful. Wow. You saved me so much time. Thank God. Now I know the kind of person that you are. You only don't want to go out with me because I said I don't own a house just because you own a house. I'm actually very, very successful. Thank you very much.
Only to then double down and say, we can just get drinks. It doesn't have to be that serious. Like, you don't have to go out with me. You can also just get to know someone as a friend. Like, you don't have to just make your opinion based on just texting with, I mean, it was a lot. And boy, did that validate my intuition. And I said, listen, brother, nowhere here when I said, I don't think we're a match. Did I devalue your worth or tell you?
You are not successful, tell you that you are not a catch, or any of these other words that you just use. I never said any of that. And your response to me comes off a bit defensive and a bit condescending. Because, you know, in a sense, he was kind of trying to make it seem as if I'm a gold digger, because I own a house and he doesn't, whatever. I don't care. And we've only been texting for one day, and I think that response is a bit much. He still couldn't take a note.
He continued and continued. Then he sent another lengthy, asked text. I don't even want to read it because it was just what the F is happening. Again, how no matter how much I want to say it's not about his value, it's not about his worth. He knows his worth and I clearly can't see it and I'm clearly judging his value.
because I'm choosing not to go out with him and the fact that I can't even give him an hour of my time speaks volumes about who I am as a person because unlike me, he doesn't judge people's character based on an exchange of just one day and the lengths that our families have gone through to connect us. Mind you, my sister ran into some girl that she knows. I think their kids go to kindergarten or something together. And she just said, hey,
You know any single guys and the girl said, oh yeah, my cousin. And she said, great. Given my sister's number, that's it. That was exchange. This man made it seem like the links that our families have gone to set us up for you to just throw it all away and not even give me an hour of your time. Wow, I wish you nothing but the best.
I mean, I was so shocked by it that I called my mom for a second to kind of brush that energy off of me. But boy, was I thankful? It was the first time that I listened to my intuition in the moment it was happening. And I was so glad that I didn't give this man even an hour of my time because I'm sorry. But our time is the most valuable thing that we get to offer others at this point in our lives.
We think money's valuable. No, our time is way more valuable. There's only so many hours in the day. We never know when we're going to die. It could be in two seconds. So my time and who I choose to spend it on is very valuable to me at least.
So yes, even one hour of my time to that dude who thought that he could guilt me into meeting up with him and guilt me into what loving him was if like making me feel guilty would somehow mean we would start on the right foot. Like that's how you're supposed to start dating. How did you guys meet? Well, I wasn't interested because I literally wasn't sexually attracted to him. Aside from the fact that I didn't think our goals and values aligned, I genuinely just, he made me dry seeing his picture.
So I just said, you know, we're not a match, but then he convinced me by, by guilting me, making me feel like a gold digger, putting down my character. And I just said, you know what? There's something about this man. I should give him a chance. And now, you know, every time I want to leave, he just knocks me down emotionally and mentally. So I just give in and now we're engaged. How exciting is that?
So no, that's not how you want to start a relationship. So yeah, time is the most valuable thing that we have. And usually it's not even an hour of your time. It's all the time you're spending, texting that person, getting on a call with them, if you do or not, before you meet up with them, figuring out, meeting up with them, getting ready, doing your makeup, your hair, figuring out your outfit, driving to the place, arriving at the place, spending more than an hour with them, then driving home. It's a whole thing.
You wanted to meet up with me just so I can dump you when I see you. For fuck's sake, let it go, move on. That shit's weird. No thank you. Not taking that energy with me in 2025. Over my dead body, with somebody, make me feel guilty for not allowing them into my life and setting boundaries, because the only people that will ever be offended by your boundaries are the people who benefit the most from them, and that's on period.
And lastly, the best advice I can give you is that whoever you think your soulmate is right now, if you're currently going through a breakup or someone's training you like shit or they're ghosting you or they're not reciprocating the same energy in whatever relations you have with this person and you still for whatever reason believe that that's your person, I'm here to remind you before this year ends to stop with that shit.
The truth is that I cannot help you and no one else around you can help you to move on from these people, to learn how to love yourself, to attract better partners if you don't choose to help yourself and stop with these delusions. The person who are currently thinking about who's treating you like shit and you genuinely believe that if
Only they fix this if only they changed a little bit then they be your soulmate that I'm sorry to tell you the truth is that they are not your soulmate because if they had to change who they were as a person they would be in fact a different person and your soulmate is not the person
who's not here to love you. Your soulmate is not the person that's making you cry. Your soulmate is not the person that's making you feel like you're worthless. That is not your soulmate unless for whatever reason you genuinely believe that is the only type of love that you deserve. And if that is the case, then I feel so bad for you because you have no idea how much you truly deserve to be loved.
You have no idea how much love, amazing, beautiful love can come your way. And you have no idea what a lovable person you are, something that probably the people who love you around you that you probably take for granted because it's not their love that you want. You probably don't even see or realize how much they love you and how much more love they can give to you and how they see you through their eyes, how amazing they think you are and how much more you deserve.
So do not settle for love that makes you feel like you're not enough. That makes you feel like you're worthless. That makes you feel like you're some piece of shit. That is not love. It was never love. It was always about you figuring out that you have some wound that you inside of you that you have to heal. And I hope you heal that. And I hope you realize that that person's making you feel that way is not your soulmate. They hate you.
All jokes aside, they're meant to teach you something. They're meant to teach you what love is not supposed to feel like, because no one teaches us more about love than people who never loved us. And that's why those people are there for. I want to quickly talk to you about pretty litter. We all know how picky cats are, not just with who their owner is, but just with their whole life. And I mean, I'm just as picky honestly, especially when it comes to my cat and her needs.
We've all gone through a ton of cat litter over the years. And honestly, the best one that's been for me and Pancakes, who is such a snob, by the way, has been pretty litter by far. And here's why, pretty litters, non-clumping formula, chaffs odor and moisture. It's ultra observant, it's lightweight, it's low dust, and just one six pound bag works for up to a month.
This honestly gives me such a peace of mind because pretty litter changes colors to indicate early signs of potential illness in my cat. So far this hasn't happened, but I think it's really cool that it does this. So if your cat has, let's say urinary tract infection, kidney issues and so on, your litter will change colors if that's the case. So we know how hard it is to tell when our cat is sick and pretty litter will save you the trouble and the heartache. And if that's not enough, pretty litter shifts free right to my door.
I never run out. I don't have huge kitty litter bags taking off space and even better. I don't have to lug those huge tubs from a store to my car into my house because it comes right to my door. Honestly, pretty litter is amazing. You guys have to check it out if you have a cat.
go to prettyliter.com slash adulting to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy as well. How fun is that? That is prettyliter.com slash adulting to save 20% on your first order and you get a free cat toy. So it's prettyliter.com slash adulting terms and conditions apply seaside for details.
Let's take that energy into 2025. Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty. Leave all the strays back in 2024. If you feel something the first time you're intuition is telling you something, do not second guess yourself the next time. I want you to also take the time to write down goals and thoughts and things that you want for 2025.
I also want you to sit down and write things you're grateful that happened for you in 2024. And I don't mean just success and things like that, because as you can tell, I didn't say as much stuff that happened to me that was successful. I didn't really remember those things as much as I remembered how I felt at certain points in my year and how happy I was when I got out of them. So think of the things that made you smile that you're thankful for.
spending another year with your family with a loved one that maybe they're a little older than us. Maybe they're a bit sick, but be thankful. We had another year to spend with them. Maybe you're thankful for the moments of clarity this year that you've got, the moments where you failed and it showed you how strong you really are and to pivot into something even better for yourself. Just think of all the moments that you're thankful for. I have a few of those.
And I would say most thankful for my family, for my friends who loved me, for the lessons that I've learned, and for honestly, I'm constantly in awe of myself, of how strong I am, and how loving I can be, even during times that I think I have no more love to give. There's many moments where
I feel very part of myself. The moments are very small and not noticeable to other people, but I'm proud of myself that I noticed them because you should celebrate even the smallest moments in your life because no one else knows how hard you worked to get through those moments to be where you are right now.
So I celebrate myself and I celebrate you for making it through another day, okay? So I'm really excited for 20, 25, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your holiday time in 2024. Take the time to rest and appreciate what you have.
Oh, and before I go, do not forget, there's this thing that's happening on TikTok. I've seen everywhere else, but if you're trying to look for a man to love you, you're trying to find the love of your life in 2025. What you have to do is on New Year's, you freeze 12 grapes. You take the grapes.
out of the freezer and you go and you sit under a table, I'm not even joking, you sit under a table when New Year's hits and you eat the grapes super fast one by one saying the month after each grape that you eat and then you kind of the month that you want to meet your loved one is the month that you say this is the month I'm going to meet this man and supposedly if you set your intentions of the man that you're looking for
to fall in love with and sweep you off your feet by doing this quick little ritual on New Year's at 12 a.m. When the clock hits, 12 a.m., you grab those 12 grapes out of the freezer, get under a table and eat them quickly to get your man. So try it. And with that, we are going to be closing 20, 24. Okay? I love you. I wish you the best. Be well. Happy New Year. And I will see you next year.
