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How to Manage an Employee Who Gets on Your Nerves

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November 20, 2024

TLDR: Coaches Alison Beard and Dan McGinn give advice on dealing with difficult employees, focusing on approaches for managing negative behaviors like passivity and passive aggression. They also discuss providing constructive feedback and coaching employees on communication skills.

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Managing employees can often be challenging, especially when dealing with personalities that just don't mesh well with yours. In the latest episode of the Dear HBR podcast, co-hosts Alison Beard and Dan McGinn, along with psychologist Art Markman, delve into effective strategies for interacting with challenging employees. This summary highlights key insights and practical applications discussed during the episode.

Understanding Workplace Dynamics

In the episode, Art Markman emphasizes that leadership involves managing various personalities, including those who may annoy you. Ignoring the discomfort can prevent constructive communication. Key points include:

  • Recognizing Difficult Behaviors: Dismissing an employee as simply annoying can hinder your ability to communicate constructively.
  • Feedback is Crucial: Providing initial feedback, followed by follow-up coaching, can help employees understand and improve their behavior.

Strategies for Handling Annoying Subordinates

The podcast episode addresses listener questions regarding specific cases of difficult employees. Here are pivotal strategies shared:

1. Direct Communication

  • Address Behavior, Not Personality: Focus on specific behaviors that affect communication, rather than labeling the person as unlikable. For instance, in discussing an interruptive employee, it’s essential to provide actionable feedback on how to improve their communication skills.

  • Use Specific Examples: When providing feedback, reference concrete instances where the employee's behavior caused issues. This helps them recognize the problem area clearer and guides them on how to improve.

2. Encourage Active Listening

  • Promote Note-taking: Suggest employees bring a notebook to meetings to jot down thoughts instead of interrupting others. This fosters better listening skills and reduces disruptive patterns.

  • Set Speaking Guidelines: Encourage employees to wait for natural breaks in the conversation before speaking. This creates a space for others to contribute while making the speaker more mindful.

3. Recording and Reviewing Conversations

  • Encourage Self-Reflection: Suggest that employees record meetings (with permission) and review their contributions. Listening back can increase awareness of interruptive tendencies or off-topic distractions.

Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Another listener shares their struggles with a passive-aggressive employee who relies on gossip instead of direct communication. Markman recommends:

1. Direct Conversations

  • Open a Line of Communication: Encourage the employee to express their concerns directly. This avoids third-hand feedback from other team members and ensures that issues are addressed promptly.

  • Discuss Reactions: The manager should explore why they feel anxious around the employee and work through any communication barriers.

2. Use Empathy and Understanding

  • Provide a Supportive Environment: The manager should express a desire to help the employee grow and succeed. Acknowledging their feelings can help diminish defensiveness.

Coaching Participation and Self-Confidence

The last case discusses an employee who is overly polite, leading to frustration for their manager. Markman emphasizes building self-confidence:

  • Create Opportunities for Success: Encourage the employee to participate actively in discussions without over-apologizing. Recognizing their contributions reinforces positive behaviors.

  • Offer Tactical Scripts: Providing specific phrases or scenarios where the employee can practice being assertive can boost their confidence. This involves creating scripts for them to follow in various situations.

Conclusion

Managing difficult employees requires patience, understanding, and strategic feedback. By focusing on specific behaviors, promoting active listening, and encouraging open communication, managers can create a more harmonious workplace. As discussed in the Dear HBR episode, addressing issues constructively can not only enhance team dynamics but also support personal employee development.

Recognizing the individuality of each employee and tailoring approaches accordingly can create a more effective leadership environment. If you're facing challenges with unpleasant employee interactions, consider these actionable insights to foster better workplace relationships.

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