How to dodge THAT question…

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the What We Said podcast. Happy Twilight Zone days, because that's what this is. That's where we're at. The worst time of the year. Yeah. I hope you guys all had a very Merry Christmas if you celebrate. I hope it was cozy, warm. I hope you

stayed off social media and stopped comparing what you got to other people what they got. So, you know, yeah, I hope you had a great day. Very important. Right. Yeah. These days are always you just don't know what day time zone month year you're in and it feels like everything's a blur.

What do we do? Yes, you also don't know what to be doing. That's what I was going to say. It's like, okay, try to maybe take some time off with the holidays, maybe spend time with family, but you're also, I always feel like, but the new year is in two seconds. So I want to get prepared for that. And it's just a hodgepodge. Yeah. But it's a weird day, weird days. Yeah, weird week.

Welcome back, we're very blue today if you're watching on YouTube. We are two blueberries. We are like blue socks. We are everything. Very blue. But that does not reflect our mood today. We're in a cheaper, great mood ready to give you guys the best advice for our monthly advice column. If you guys are new to the podcast,

Welcome. And I feel like we rarely say that, but thank you for being here. And we do one episode a month. That's a monthly and send an advice column. So you can write in and how you do that is on our Instagram. We have a highlight that you can always write into. It's like a little Google Doc that you can write in whatever, whatever you need advice on and we will try and give you our best advice. We do that last Friday of every month.

And it's the best. And we give the best advice. Do you want to talk about anything before we dive in? Oh, people are like, wait, no, please, no, please, no.

Yes, actually, in fact, I do. No, not really. I just, you're really edginess. I know. I just, um, the only update I really have is the fact that I am a grown woman and I still just have some habits that I've had my entire life. Like I, I would think by now I would be a completely

grown mature, all the joints are oiled. What does that like, the kinks are worked out? And I would be just like a perfectly functioning human being. That's what I really thought for this stage of my life. And it's just not. And I'm just like, well, is this maybe just who I am to my core and my DNA? What are you referring to? For example, eating sugar late at night.

Always gonna wake up swollen, always gonna wake up puffy, always gonna have to get the gouache out and the ice roller. And every night I'm like, this is just not gonna make me feel good, but I'm hungry and I don't really want food, like regular food. I want a sweet treat. Yeah, I want something sweet, verbally baked, carby, and it never ends well. Sometimes me and Nick will look at each other at like 10 and we're like,

The problem is we eat dinner kind of early. And then by 10, we're like, we don't want to go to bed hungry. Yeah.

and he'll be like, what do we do? And I'm like, I don't know. Should we order Taco Bell? Should we order something? Should we just snack on like chips and salsa? What do we eat? We don't want to have a full on dinner. So I do feel that. So you had some sweets last night. I had some sweets, woke up very puffy. I was like, oh, it's the mold back. I'm like, oh, no, I had so many sweets last night. Like the most sugary drink, the drink of Dr. Pepper. I'm just like, okay, of course I'm like this.

I do hate when you just prove yourself right time and time again, like you know how it's going to make you feel in it just you're like, but maybe not this time and then it just does. Yeah. You know what recently, life's been buying extra toasty cheese. It's those hits. So like there is a time and a place and time is.

actually always that they're so good. But he's bought them a few times recently. And when that late night craving hits, I'm ready for the extra toasty cheese it every time without fail, my stomach kills. Because I think you can just like get lost in eating. I probably eat so many of them because I'm just eating them straight out of the box.

I'm like watching a show or something. Oh, that's great. My stomach hurts actually so bad. Like, yeah, I cannot do that. It's all remind myself. It's like that was not worth it. Yeah, they're good. But if you're maybe just eat like 10 of them, maybe that would be fine. I think it's the fact that I'm eating a lot of them.

But yeah, it does hit very right. Yeah, I need to find it's very accessible. I'm like, I can't find a healthy recipe anywhere, but I need to find something like that where I have free made something sweet. What do you mean something like that? And I should have to choose it? No, no, no, sorry, not that.

at all. That is a little I would never stick to. You would not catch me dead doing that. No, you actually would catch me doing that, but sorry. I'm saying sweet. Like something that I want late at night that's going to satisfy the craving that's going to fill me up and it's not going to make me feel like crap in the morning. Like I need to

I don't know what I would make though. Like there's no way I'll tell you what. There's no shortcut. There will be something that will satus like satiate you, but nothing will hit quite the same as like a carby dessert because I've tried that. Like I have the little, which I love these, but I'm forgetting the brand at the moment.

The little things are like mango, gummy, like fruit snack kind of things. Yeah, like mango or the mango and guava ones or whatever. I love those. And sometimes at night, I'll be like, oh, I kind of want something sweet. And I'll be like, I'll just have these, girl. No. That ain't doing the trick. I'm done. Like literally it's not, I mean, it's delicious. I like them as like a snack, but that's not going to satisfy my late night sweet tooth. I need a crunch and I need it to end with wrap. I need a crunch.

I love a Crunchwrap Supreme, and it just hits so well. It feels like it fills me up. That's a full-on meal, I feel like. It is, definitely. Which is sometimes necessary. But I feel like it's... Anyway, what video was I seeing where this girl was like?

talking about how she's like, Oh, shoot, I wish I could remember because I'm going to kind of butcher it, but she was talking about how like these people be like, Oh, what I eat in a day. And as someone who has a healthy relationship with food, and she's like, if you are mixing protein powder into your Greek yogurt for like, you know, for like a sweet treat, she's like, no, I don't want to hear about it. No.

I don't need that. I don't need that business. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure it can, you can get to a place. That's the thing. If you stop eating a lot of sugar, you get to a place where things that would not satiate you before, you're like, oh, this is actually really good. Yeah, I've been there ahead of eating disorder. So I will not be going back to that. I will not be stopping on that stop again. We don't need to go back there.

But it is true. It is true. Maybe there's a for other people that exist to balance. Yeah, where you don't eat any sugar and you do fruit is like, oh my gosh, this is, yeah, so good tasting. Like I truly believe that. But in the world that I live in and the lifestyle that I live and the place that I live in just what I'm on the go, I was talking to my dad about this recently, I'm like,

I want to do that. If I lived a different lifestyle where I was home a lot more and I was really never traveling and, I don't know, just where we live. We're always out and about, like we're always outside. Even if we're not going somewhere, it's like we're just not home inside the home all day. And I like going out to eat. I like going and experiencing these things. And I don't want to always have to be worried like I was about bringing something or like,

Oh, I'm starving while we're out, and I'll just watch everyone eat their food. But that has oil in our something. It's just not the style for me. Maybe at some point in my life, I'll be there, but the reward is not worth it for me, I guess.

Yeah, my absolute health. I'm like, it's not worth it. Sometimes it's you got to find a balance, but it is true. Unfortunately, I know. I think that again, just go with what you're drawn towards and flowing with. You don't have to force anything. Yeah, exactly. But I do unfortunately believe that just less sugar in general.

It makes you feel so much better and I hate it so much but it just works every time. I know. I've been thinking about that too because although I don't have like experience with specifically with an eating disorder but I never want to be too restrictive with myself because I don't want to go down any sort of path where I would become like very

Intense and rigid with something but it is hard because I think I might have said this on the podcast I'm not sure but before I did IVF like a few months prior I Didn't completely cut out sugar but I ate Significantly less sugar like I basically just wouldn't eat treats like that like I wouldn't eat Something that had a lot of sugar and whatever I'm trying to picture like what I did eat and

Because I know, I remember being like, I'm not cutting it out, but I'm going to really significantly decrease. I felt so amazing. My skin, I didn't have hardly any puffiness. I felt like my skin and my face was so chiseled, literally. Was this pre or post? Yeah, wait, it was post-op. For some reason. Like my chin was, it actually felt like it grew overnight.

It really did make you feel just physically like energy wise too. I felt so much more energized. And I remember being like, getting to a place that had been probably a month where I just wasn't eating a lot of it. And I remember, I think we had family in town and they wanted to go get donuts or ice cream or something. And I was like, in my head, I was like, Oh, I don't like that's fine. And we got there. And I was just like, I.

Like, I hate to be that person because when you're eating so much sugar, it's like, I'm fine. You're like, eat the sugar. Like, you're so annoying. Eat the sugar, get out. It's like, it's actually so annoying. But I remember transforming into that person being like, oh, I don't, I didn't say this how loud, but it's so concerning. I'm like, I don't need that. But I remember in my, I'm not a pig like you guys. I remember just mentally being like, I don't even want that. Like that does, I know for a fact how it's going to make my stomach feel.

And I feel so like cleared out and good. I don't, I'm not even craving it at all. Yeah. Well, that's good. Maybe you had a balance. It was, it was good, but, but it's like, but I want my sweet treats. Yeah. I don't know. I'm always looking for fun ways to spice up my water routine and stay hydrated, especially just being postpartum and breastfeeding.

I just find myself very depleted sometimes and sometimes it'll be halfway through the day or I hate to say even further along in the day and I realize I have not drinking an ounce of water and something that helps me really stay hydrated is something that adds a little, you know, a little, um,

Yeah, a little ump to my water that tastes good, has a little flavor to it, gives little kick and is fun and exciting to drink. So I recently tried the Gatorade hydration booster. Nick has also been loving this as well. They're just little packets packed with essential vitamins backed by Gatorade superior science experts. They have no artificial flavors, sweeteners or added color. You just add them to your water, shake it up and you're good to go. The electrolyte levels are suitable for all day. So you can be sipping and help you get through your busy day.

The hydration booster has an advanced blend of electrolytes from watermelon, sea salt and other sodium and potassium salts. It contains 30 calories and five grams of sugar versus liquid IV, which contains 45 calories and 11 grams of sugar. A lot of times with electrolyte products, I really like adding electrolytes to my water. I feel like again, it's kind of just a nice way to get a different flavor and still stay hydrated, but I also find myself just feeling a lot more energized and hydrated throughout the day when I do add electrolytes and

Sometimes a lot of these brands contain so much sodium in order to get that. So I like that this has nearly half the amount of sodium compared to their top competitors. It's nice to feel like you can get a little extra hydration in there throughout your day without just having a ton of sugar and sodium and all of that. So put your water to work with Gatorade hydration booster. Go check it out.

There's just a bounce. I really think it is the world we live in today. It is. It takes a lot of effort to not. It really does, especially the lifestyle we live and most young people live. It's like so on the go. There's so much coming at you. When you're not eating fast food, when I was not eating oil, you guys, no oil, like nothing. That's crazy. No butter, no dairy, no meat.

genuinely fruit vegetables and rice. You notice how much it's marketed to you. You notice it's on every corner of every street. You notice the eyes of the grocery store. You're like, there is how can you not be eating that or fat sugar and everything everywhere. It is so

Crazy when you're not and you are making such an effort to not that it is truly it's actually a battle you have to be the annoying person you have to be going out of your way all the time and so I'm like you can't do both but it's really hard to do I mean again you can have if you have a very healthy mindset about it and you are doing you know keeping it balanced but even then it takes mental effort to not do it because it's everywhere because it's being shoved down our throats everywhere and

At events you go to if you go to work in there like we brought lunch for you guys. You're just like, yeah, yeah, it takes so much effort to not eat that stuff. I so it's it's almost hard to do the balance thing because I feel like you'll just for me at least if I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna be too rigid. Then it's like, but where's the line because then yeah, what I go to an event and they have food and it's like, yes, oh, I can't and then and now I'm hungry. Yeah, like.

I'm on the go. I'm coming to podcast and I didn't have time before I left to make myself a matcha. Okay. It's like, I don't need one, but I couldn't be drinking this because this has like sugar in it. You know what I mean? If I'm really being, it's just kind of like, where's where do you toe the line? I think that there is somewhat of a balance. But what I was going to say is when I did it a few years ago, there, there was more of a purpose behind it. It wasn't just random, like,

I'm just not gonna eat sugar. It was like I was prepping to do IVF and I was kind of having skin issues and I was like okay, I feel like sugar is so inflammatory like let me try and You know what I mean? There was like motives behind it because I wanted my body to be in like the best possible spot for my egg retrieval and stuff. So I don't know I feel like now it's like I don't have necessarily something like that where I'm like I

I really motivated. I'm just more like, oh, I'm sure it would feel good to not as much. Yeah, but we'll see. We'll see. Yeah. Unfortunately, it does help a lot, especially with your hormones. I feel that. And that is what that is quite literally the biggest.

back and forth of my life. Just like, okay, I feel so much better, but I don't want to be too strict because then it just takes over my entire life. And the thing is, is it stresses me out. So if you can do without stress, like truly, if you, whatever stresses you out the least, like stress is one of the worst things for your body, I believe. And, you know,

Some scientists would also agree with me. Like the stress, the cortisol is so bad for you that it is sometimes not worth it. For sure. If it's not stressing out and you do feel motivated and you love it and it's like working with your lifestyle and you feel like you're taking your power back and it empowers you and it motivates you, then it's great. You just have to find like, truly, it's so different for everybody and you have to find what works for you. Like what is working in your everyday schedule, but and you can take steps. Obviously, you can't say, I'm a victim to my to my lifestyle, I guess, but

I don't know. It just takes a little bit of effort and you don't want to overwork it, but you also don't want to just like, well, I guess I feel like crap. Yeah. So anyways, wow. I know. What a discussion that is though. Yeah. There's a lot of layers to that. And I do think everyone has a completely different relationship with all of that. Yeah.

food, if you want to call it dieting. Like, again, ideally, I'm like, ideally, I would just make most of my food at home and be pretty conscious. And that's kind of what I try and do is like 80, 20 or whatever they say. Like, I really try and be like, for the most part, I'm going to try and make healthy choices.

But I'm not going to freak out if I'm busy and we get Chick-fil-A one night. It's like, whatever. I don't know. That's how I try and live my life. But I do also realize that everyone has different personalities and sometimes rigidity does work for people. Sometimes it really doesn't.

like I was talking to someone recently about even the sugar thing. And I was like, you know, instead of just doing all or nothing, like just do less. And like this person was basically like, that's not like a thing for me. Like I can't speak. Oh, a little less. Like I have to just do one or like zero to 100. And I was like, Oh, okay. I don't know. It's hard. Everyone's different. I know everyone's different. Their personality is different. How they function is different because the other thing is a lot of

Well, sugar is very addictive. It's not just like, oh, it, it, you know, it's nice. I like it every once in a while. It's like, it's actually so addictive and your taste buds change. And so there's chemistry behind it and biology behind it. So, so crazy. It's very fascinating. I feel like the thing that actually helps me the most is education.

I'm so like the more educated I am about food and the psychology behind food, not just like the actual nutritional value of food, but also like what is, you know, healthy for you based on your struggles or like your health.

Your lifestyle, all these different things, the more educated I am, the more empowered I feel to be like, okay, it's okay if I'm eating this right now, I'm not going to be so stressed out about it. And it's okay if I, you know, do have a sweet treat here and there, whatever, but I know what to stay away from, what's going to make me feel crappy, what is going to make me feel great, what foods, you know,

Yeah. So I agree. I think it's motivating to like have a little bit of education or knowledge behind like even certain ingredients. It's like, Oh, this is really good for blank. I can't even think of something at the moment, but it's like, Oh, it's good to add hemp seeds into your diet. Cause then it will get, it's like, okay. If I know that something is benefiting me in some way, it's a lot easier for me to incorporate it versus just like, yeah, eating random stuff for the heck of it.

Yeah, for the most part, I do feel like I have a good balance right now, like in terms of my mindset with body image, food, all of that, like mixed into one. I think the thing that is frustrating for me as I get older is what to eat to make me feel like these little ailments that I have to make me feel better. Like my hormones, like PMDD symptoms, like what is going to help that? And so this is not just eating healthy. I'm like, oh, I'm eating this avocado tomatoes. Like that's high histamine. I'm like, yeah, I thought that was healthy.

That is like less protein. I eat a lot of fermented food and they're like, that's height. Who's this to me? Who knows? Who is that? I'm saying, what are you referring to? Like just random people on TikTok that are histamine or nutrition. Okay. Yeah. That I'll read about or see. And they are like, fermented food is extremely high in histamine bone broth is really high in histamine. So it's going to make your symptoms worse.

Well, that is what I've been downing. So like the worst thing possible for you. I hate stuff like that. Yeah. I actually literally that pisses me off. Even if it's real, I'm like, shut up. You're annoying because it is so you're like trying your best to. Yeah. And not that that person's like wrong at all. They probably there's probably truth to back up what they're even saying. But I feel like it's just so overwhelming that it's almost not worth it to listen to anyone. It's just like turn the phone off.

I don't know, but it's like you're seeking answers so I get it, but it's just so annoying. It is annoying. Because you're trying to, I feel the same. It's like eating eggs and avocado and like fruit for breakfast. And then I was having skin issues and they're like, eggs is the number one thing that will like clog your pores and break it. I'm like, okay. So, and again, that's not the end of the world, whatever, I don't have to eat eggs, but then it's like a high protein. Yeah, protein early in the morning will make you sluggish. It's like, okay.

So it's like, oh hell, do turkey bacon and whatever. It's like, well, that's not actually, I'm like, I can't. That's getting recalled. You're like, OK, no, it's the thing. Yeah, that's OK. Yeah, that's not what I was talking about. But I mean, it is an ongoing thing. Yeah, I feel that the way I struggle for everyone. Everyone wants to be healthy, but it's hard. And that is, yeah, that's the timeline. Everyone wants to be healthy, but it's hard. Title, title list.

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I can very quickly get dehydrated because I just genuinely forget to drink water if I don't have a handy dandy emotional support water bottle. And my favorite one to use and I've got the whole family using is the HydroJug Traveler. Okay, you guys, this is the best cup ever. I saw Kylie Jenner using it and influenced me to use it even more than I already am. So something that is unique about the traveler compared to other bottles is that it has a circular flip straw.

So it's more hygienic than other bottles because you can flip the straw down, which is really nice and it doesn't have to touch anything besides your lips. They fit so well in your car. They hold a lot of water though too. I hate having a small water bottle that you have, you know, a couple drinks from and then you have to keep refilling. It's like, what is the point of having one? So it carries so much water. You can carry it everywhere and they have some for the whole family. I have little ones for the boys. I have big ones in different cute colors for me and Nick and they really are just the best water bottles.

They're also completely leak proof, which is very, very nice. You can literally tip it upside down, shake it, throw it in your bag on your couch or in your car without worrying about spills. I hate a water bottle that leaks. That's one of my pet peeves because it's nice to be able to carry a water bottle around when you're

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I think this is perfect for the new year. All of us should be drinking more water. And I feel the same where if I don't have a water bottle, I will forget to drink literally all day. But if I do have one, I will drink the full thing, like sometimes even multiple times. So I definitely know it helps my hydration. So get your HydroJug traveler at www.thehydrojug.com. Use discount code what we said to get 10% off your order. HydroJugs are game changers for anyone on the go. Again, use code what we said at www.thehydrojug.com.

to get 10% off and start hydrating. Well, should I start? My boyfriend, 20 male and I, 20 female, have been together for about a year and a half. He's one of the most kindhearted and caring people I've ever met. I feel so safe and comfortable around him and all my roommates really love him and have developed close friendships with him too. We live on the east coast of Canada,

Nova Scotia, which is where we met in our first year of college. We're both from different parts of Ontario, near Toronto. This past summer, he went to the West Coast, Victoria, BC, about a seven hour flight away. With the Navy for three months, I was pretty anxious about us being apart for three months straight. He constantly reassured me before he left that he would do everything he could to make it the easiest experience possible for me.

Just as an additional note, I'm getting scared. I was having a pretty difficult summer because it was the first time I hadn't gone home for the summer and I was working full time in a hot and sweaty kitchen with really bad management. What we said got me through my walk home every night. And that's where it ends. I stayed here to have an ocean girl summer, but only ended up going to the beach a few times because all my friends had conflicting schedules and were constantly exhausted and burnt out from our respective jobs.

That is so real. That is so real. It's so real. It's so real. It's only like beach summer and then you go twice. Literally. People who visit go more than you. I'm trying to get there. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was having the time of his life. Cool. It was basically just another first year dorm experience. All they had to do for the Navy was spend a few hours in class every day. Then they would party, go to the beach, go on hikes, go camping, et cetera. The remaining 90% of the time completely unsupervised.

He was literally getting paid to live with a bunch of 18 to 25-year-old guys and get fed for free. I was really happy for him, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to watch him have so much fun with all these people I'd never met in one of the most beautiful places in the world. A few weeks ago, keep in mind, he's been back for four months now. He told me that one night at the beginning of his trip, when he was at a club with all the boys, a girl started grinding on him and he didn't stop it. Yes, literally grinding. But roughing against his crotch kind of thing.

We are aware. But thank you for the visual. I asked if he touched her and he said he put his hands around her waist a few minutes into it.

I hate that. Oh my gosh. I feel sick. I feel really betrayed. I know it's not technically cheating, but it's definitely crossing a major line, especially since I was already so anxious. I'm fuming. I feel a pit. Okay. Especially since I was already so anxious about him being away. Also, what I know about military culture did not help with my anxiety, but to be honest, I kind of maybe naively thought he would be exempt from it.

He feels terrible about this and I can tell it's been eating at him. He's been so apologetic. I don't really know how I should feel about it. I've gotten mixed opinions from my friends, some saying that it's not a big deal and others are super mad at him. I don't think it's something worth breaking up with him over because it was one mistake and our relationship has been really strong in general. But it is something that has been really bothering me and I feel anxious about him going out with all the boys now when I'm not there.

The whole bro culture makes me uncomfortable in general. And a lot of his friends are single and always trying to pick up girls and clubs and stuff. I'm also really anxious about him ever going away with the Navy again. I don't know if I'd be able to get through it. What do you guys think? Is this cheating? Is it bad that it took him so long to tell me? Should I be this upset? I love you guys so much. Thank you for being like the big sisters I never had. Okay. Love you. Love you. So many thoughts. Okay. So many thoughts too.

phone is across the room. My first thought is, you know, in his, at one point for him, let's go through points and, and marks, negative marks. One positive mark for him is that he told you, is that no one tattled on him. You didn't find this out. That would be even more sketchy because then it's like, what else happened? You know, the fact that he told you and had like a guilty feeling about it was like, Oh yeah, I have to tell you something. Yeah. And he was honest. It was a green flag. It makes you feel like

My first gut reaction is that nothing else happened. That was really it. And he's like, I feel bad. Doesn't mean what he did was good, but that is a positive mark in his. We'll start with that on the positive. I agree. I agree with that part. The negative note.

Is this pisses me off so bad? I would be so mad. Things like that are where it isn't cheating where you're just like black and white. It's almost worse. It's worse because you're just, it makes you feel insecure. It makes you feel. You have all the feelings, but almost not the justification of being like, I'm done with you. So it's like this sticky area where you're just hurt. You're hurt and bitch, you feel betrayed, but you're like, is this not a big enough deal though? Yeah.

I don't know, because on one hand, I was gonna say, he better be telling the full truth. And I agree, the fact that he had a guilty conscience and told you is a good thing. I think that's obviously better than him. You finding out a different way and then I'm being like, oh yeah, hoops. And I'm gonna be honest, I feel like he probably is playing it down a little bit of like, oh, I just touched, I feel like he probably is playing it down a little bit for your feelings, but I don't think it was anything, and then we made out or anything like that. I hope it wasn't.

That's what I'm saying though. It's like, would he just, I don't think he did, but I've just heard of things like this sometimes where it's like, sometimes it seems like, are you sure that's all you did? Like, in a situation where it's like, I'm trying to say this tactfully, like, oh yeah, you know, you're apart from your boyfriend. I'm making up a scenario. Okay. But something similar to this, like, well, I guess exactly this situation that you're talking about, but it's like, I was apart from my boyfriend for four months.

And then he accidentally like, oh, this happened. They just pecked though. Like they were alone in the car, but they just pecked. And I'm like, yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Like you go through all of this and you're like all this trouble to almost not like cheap, but do you know what I mean? And then you peck.

And I doubt that. To me, it just feels like, I'm sure if you're already in that situation, you're going to just go full force and do more. That's how it feels to me. So with this, it is a little more casual because they were just, what? I was going to say, if they're like, yeah, they're just dancing. So that seems more believable to me that nothing happened. But I'm just saying, I hate stuff like this because

You just hope that the whole picture is being given to you. Yeah. And there really is you only have two options and is to trust him. Whether it is the truth or not, you just trust him. And then that is your story to yourself, like you trust him and you move on and whatever. And if something else happens, like you're not worrying about it anymore, you're trusting. You're choosing to trust him. Yeah. Or.

you're choosing to not trust him and it's going to eat you alive and you should probably just break up anyways. Yeah, exactly. Like you can't be with someone you don't trust. So yeah.

that also I feel like he needs to be bending over backwards and making you feel secure at this point. Like if he does go off with his bros or whatever, like he needs to be like, whatever you need for me to trust me, like I'm willing to do. You know what I mean? I also feel like guys, their friends make such a big difference. Like when guys are all together, you have to be able to trust the group in general because

Although you want a strong man who's going to, you know, speak up for himself, do his own thing, like peer pressure is a thing. And especially with a group of all girls or all guys, you know, when you're with your friends, it's going to, if you have your friends in your ear and those are the people that they're with and that they trust and they're like, oh, it won't matter. You can just do this. You won't care. Don't tell her. It's the culture that they're surrounded by. Then that is going to really impact them and going to be eating away at them. Even if at first they're like, no, that's not.

If you don't trust the guys that they're with, that is a big red flag. You need to make sure that you trust his friends as well as him. If you know that they would be like, dude, what are you doing? You have a girlfriend. Why are you doing that? Go up to him. And there are guy friends that will do that. Like Nick and all of his friends from childhood, I know that if

for any reason like Nick was doing anything sus at all they would first of all be like dude what are you doing loser don't do that and they would probably tell me yeah and that is the energy that you want to have 100 you don't want to be like I don't trust them out there like with those guys and you know all that

That's almost a red flag to me too because it's like, so why is he around them? And in general, like, yeah, I feel the same way. It's like any of life's friends. I trust them wholeheartedly. Like there's such good guys. And so it's like, I can't imagine he's with all these like sketchy guys. Like we're going to go out to this bar. I'd be like, what? This is not making me feel secure. No, like around again, not that you're just going to be like a sheep, but.

who you're around, like, why are you around people like that anyway? And I guess that's just the culture, like, she's saying the military culture, which is so I can imagine that's hard. But I really don't like that element of it because I think that that adds something that's just like

the bros. Yeah, an extra layer of like, okay, no, it's even harder for me to trust you when you're out because these are the people you're surrounding yourself with. Yeah. So I feel like that might be more of the issue to talk about is like, okay, I trust you. I trust what happened. I know you're a good guy. Obviously I'm dating you and I, you know, yeah, know that what we have is good. Let's examine the friend group. Like let's examine the bros that you're hanging out with, that you're going out with. Do I trust them? And if I don't, let me try and get to know them to see. Maybe you just don't know them that well. See you.

you know, really try and build a bond there and see if there is anything to be worried about. Yeah. I don't have like a specific answer of what I think you should do, but I think if you're overall generally feeling like, okay, I, I trust him and I still want to be with him, then move forward. Like you said, like that's the story in your head and that's what you're going to go with. So move forward in that direction, but also just open communication, like just be like, I hope you know that now every time you go out, like I do have a

Yeah, a feeling like of insecurity because of what happened. So again, he needs to be extra reassuring. Like, okay, what do you want? What do you need from me to make you feel so, so secure? I'll do whatever, like I want you to trust me. You know, I don't think that him making that one mistake means he needs to be like.

banished for life. But and don't let it torture you. I think that's the worst thing you can do is if you choose to trust him and stay with him, you got to just go with that. Yeah, because otherwise it will ruin the relationship if you're constantly thinking about it. But then I think that's not even worth being in the relationship. No, you can't get past it. You can't get past it. They're for either of your sake because he's going to be paying like the punishment to him probably won't match the crime where he's like, Oh my gosh, like I shouldn't even have told you this. It's just going to pull the relationship apart, you know,

I'm wondering, would you consider that cheating? It's such a gray. I'm like, I don't know if I would say that's cheating, but it's so rough. Because if you just hear about it, it's like, OK, but that's something you need to see. Because if you were to see a video and it was just like, OK, they're dancing and it's like.

Everyone's dancing and he's just getting lost in the moment. And then, but if you can tell there about in the corner and she's grinded on him and he's got to go to the bathroom like that. Yeah. It's just that is literally such a gray area. Like there could be a more gray area.

of it pisses you off, but yeah, I guess it's not cheating. I mean, cheating, there's no real definition besides just betraying your trust. And that is betraying your trust. Yeah. But again, if you don't even need to figure out if it's cheating or not, if you're going to stay with him, right? Unless you're going to leave him. Like if you're going to sit there and be like, was it cheating or was it not? You probably already know if you're going to stay with him or leave him. So just go with whatever it is and like, yeah.

move forward. Yeah. That is really rough. That is messy. I'm sorry that that happened. Yeah. And I hope that things get better and you're able to move forward. Yeah. I also have, I saw this, I guess, quote or concept of that's definitely been around for a while. It's not new or anything or groundbreaking, but it's, we judge other people by their actions and ourselves by our intentions, instead of thinking of their intentions and

So whatever people do on the surface, we're like, well, your actions say everything, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. Like, well, I didn't mean to do that. That makes sense. In those situations, it plays a lot where he's like, my intention wasn't to be like, I'm going to cheat on her and get this feeling. But we see the action just like playing as Jay and vice versa. But you did this. Yes. So it's hard to not judge their actions. But sometimes you've got to look, again, if you trust him and you are choosing to trust him, then

Maybe judge him by his intentions. Give him, you know, I feel that. Okay. Hey besties, I have a question for you. And I'm really in need of some advice, trigger warning and fertility. My husband and I have been trying for several months now to have a baby. And while I know that's not nearly as long as it takes for lots of people, it has been really hard for me mentally. I keep getting my hopes up thinking it will finally happen and it doesn't. To say it's been mentally tiring would be an understatement.

We've been married for three years now, so it doesn't come as a surprise to me to think that some people might be naturally wondering when we might want to start a family. However, there's this older lady at our church who is just relentless and will not stop asking us about it. The first time she ever asked me, I was so caught off guard because I really only have ever seen her maybe once or twice and I don't really even know her. That's weird.

However she knows my husband's family very well so i guess that makes i think it's okay to keep bringing it up anyway she's a really sweet lady and she means well but it's just so uncomfortable for me the first time she asked me thankfully a friend of mine is standing right by me my friend kind of jumped in and said oh Betty will pretend it was buddy you really shouldn't ask people that it's personal and then and then i just had something like when the time is right and walked away.

A couple weeks later she asked me again and I was particularly annoyed that day because I had just started my period so I said we've actually been having some trouble being able to have kids but hopefully it happens soon. I felt like that was direct enough and she was really kind and said oh sweetie I'll be praying for you. I thought to myself okay thank goodness this probably means you'll stop asking. Nope.

Oh my God. Fast forward a couple weeks later and my husband comes home saying she asked him the same thing. She had also asked me earlier that day before asking him. Am I crazy for being annoyed by this? She probably means well but is so uncomfortable to be asked this in general, especially by someone that you really do not hardly even know. Part of me feels like she wants to get an answer out of me so that she can tell my in-laws because I know she's really good friends with them.

But my husband and I have been trying to not tell my in-laws that we've been trying so we can surprise them when I do get pregnant. At this point, I have no idea what to do because I feel like every single time she sees me or my husband, she's going to ask us about it. There was even one time at church when my father-in-law was sitting maybe six feet away from me and I was in a different conversation and I heard her asking him about it as well. Does she have short-term memory loss?

What is her problem? It is driving me absolutely insane and I do not know how to be direct with her enough that she will actually stop. I don't know if it's a generational difference, but I feel like some older people don't know that there should be a wall there. Personally, I personally, I don't even really ask anyone if they're trying for a baby unless they're my best friend or a close family member, because you never know when someone's going through what someone's going through and how long it's taking them. Any advice to be greatly appreciated?

She's got to go. There's no advice. My advice is there's nothing wrong with a lie. Sometimes it's just good to lie to get people off your back. Just be like, we don't want kids. We leave it at that. And then she's just like, oh, okay. And then she has to deal with that on her own. It's like, we don't want them. We don't want those. We don't want it right now. We decided we're not interested right now. We'll see. Just lie. Who cares? And she is not. She's not well. No.

She's got to stop. She's asking her husband and her in the same day. What is her? Why do you need to know? What is her attachment to your future child? Also, I feel like you have been direct twice. Like your friend was like, oh, that's personal. And then you also were like, oh, we've been having trouble. So I don't know. That is direct enough. Yes. What else are you supposed to say besides, hey, don't ask me again. Like how much more direct can I be? Yeah. You have no self-awareness.

What is bizarre? Beyond. And if she's asking your father-in-law, then she's not even maybe not even trying to get information for your in-laws. Like, she just wants to know.

You know? Yes. What is the draw? That is so crazy. And also I do feel like it's valid again to have to feel like even if it's a couple months that it's tiring because it is full time, like trying to have a baby because it requires you every week of your life. You're worried about something. You're like, OK, ovulation is coming.

My periods here, like it's not just like, Oh, we'll try this and not worry about it for the rest of the month. You're like tracking or sometimes maybe you're taking early pregnancy test. It is very tiring. Yeah. And then add that on for however long, but it's tiring from the beginning. I always say that like it doesn't matter how long it's been, even if it's been only a few months, because I think the idea that you just the uncertainty is very uncomfortable. I think to sit with for anyone, like, especially if you do have a hard time with

not that you do. I'm not projecting onto you, but like control or like you like to plan things. And then yeah, like I remember when it would take, I wasn't super upset about it at first when it was taking a while, but I feel like as time went on, I'd be like, Oh, well, maybe we shouldn't go on that trip. Cause what if I'm pregnant? Like, you know, five months down the line, like maybe we should, I shouldn't do that. Cause what if I'm pregnant? And then like, I wouldn't be. And I'm like, okay. So it doesn't matter. Well, what if this? And it's like, you kind of want to plan for your future to some capacity and to have no control over it. And

If it's been a few months and you're like, oh, it's not happening. What if it takes a year? What if it takes two years? It just starts being daunting and you have no control over your future. I feel like it's just an unsettling feeling to have no idea, especially if you are trying for your first baby, you have absolutely no idea what to expect. No evidence of what is your reality at all. You just never know.

So I think that that's perfectly valid to be like feeling a little bit anxious about it. Especially like the day you start your period too, when you're trying and you're like, is it this month? Then you start your period. And then someone's like, what are you trying for a baby? Or like, do you not speak to me? If I had a weapon, watch out. It's disappointing. Like it's very disappointing to get your period when you're trying. Yeah, 100%. I think she's just really like, there's literally no advice other than move churches. Like she's got to go.

She needs to be recorded to the police. Yeah. She is annoying AF. Yeah. You could always say, you already asked me that. That's a good one. Yeah. That's actually a good one. Be like, wait, you already asked me that. I thought I answered that. I thought I already answered you on that. I think we talked about this. Yeah. No, I think she actually has like, have you been to the doctor recently? No, I think she actually has a memory problem. Yeah, I think she does.

I'm not kidding. She's old, like, sometimes old people just ask the same question a million times. They really do. Yeah. It could be that. Yeah. I'm tired. That is weird. That's insufferable. Okay. Hi, ladies. This is a wild one, but I'm going to try to give you all the context.

So I, 27, got set up with this guy, 31, a few months ago. It was really fun, and he is a wonderful human being, but I just felt more friend vibes with him and my physical and romantic connection to him never really grew. So after maybe two months, I decided to end things with him. It was amicable, but we decided not to see each other even as friends. We did end up seeing each other a few times over the next few weeks and just making out. Okay, well, that was a quick turn. But then we said,

And we said, okay, officially, we shouldn't see each other. Maybe 10 days after we decided we were done, done. I got a text from him and it's a picture of him in the hospital with a massive incision scar on his chest. And he's like, can I FaceTime you? So he calls me and tells me he has a genetic heart condition that he didn't know about and it just manifested itself. So pretty much he almost died, but it was rushed to the hospital and had emergency heart surgery and had defibrillator, but in. And since his life flashed before his eyes and I have no self control, we decided that I'd come visit him when he was out of the hospital.

So as doctor told him that he was recovering, he couldn't work out for the next six weeks because of his condition in the surgery. It would be bad if his heart rate went up too high. I'm terrified. Well, fast forward a few days and I go to see him at his house and old how to stay hard. So we end up making out nothing super crazy, but apparently his heart rate got too high and this man blacks out. Girl.

Not the defibrillator. I thought I killed him and was freaking out. But luckily he was only out for a couple seconds, but we were like, yeah, we should probably stop. LOL. Anyways, fast forward a few weeks and I'm seeing him maybe once a week or every other week. But I realize I really don't see this going anywhere and tell him for a real for real. I'll be your friend, but we can't keep hooking up.

So last time I see it seems like the romantic connection is there. I'm confused because didn't she say she's like just more friend vibes? Yeah. So why can you not stop making out with him? Yeah. Seems as if it's undeniable. So the last time I see him, he tells me that his condition is actually worse than they thought. And he is now on the heart transplant list that he probably only has about two months left to live. What?

So i'm so sad and getting choked up because even though i don't see this as a long term thing i still care about him and that is really sad and hard situation and then i say i'm so sorry if you really do only have a few more months i don't want to take that time away from your family and friends. News like well if i only have two months i would want to spend it with you. I was like huh my brother in christ you can't just say that anyways there's a lot more context i could give but this is getting way too long i guess my question is do i get with him for the last two months.

This is what you mean. Oh my gosh. Okay.

Oh my gosh. Do I get with him for the last two months of his life? Does it make me a horrible person if I do or a worse person if I don't? What if he gets to transplant and gets better? I enjoy spending time with him, but medical stuff aside. Don't see this as a marriage relationship. He is religious and doesn't want to die a virgin. Do I marry him so he can have sex? Oh my. This is out of my, this is out of my.

That's not my pay grade. Well, this is his heart rate to hide and kill him. This is between babies. This is not a real story. Should I just not talk to him again and risk him being heartbroken the last few months of his life? I did. Okay. Either way, I feel like the bad guy and either way, I really feel for him in my heart. It's so sad for him. Happen to go through this. What do I do? I can't believe this. I don't hear hard time believing. I feel like this is not real. Really sad.

And who, I don't know, I don't, I have no advice. Like, what am I going to say? I think you should have sex with him. Like, it's the deepest of things to, for both of you. I mean, you don't have to believe his wishes. If this is true, let's just pretend this is true. Okay. If those are his wishes. So he doesn't want to die a virgin? Yeah. Or what? I'll tell you. I'm like, if you want to have to.

I'm just saying like if you want to and he is saying he wants to I don't think you should feel bad because those are his wishes was what I'm saying like if you like I'm happy this has been the last you like is literal dying wish. No he's a literal dying wish is that like if you want to if you want to do whatever you want to and he is consenting to like that's the bottom line. It's not bad.

But I, oh my gosh, this is so heavy. It is. It's not real. This can't be real. The way she's talking about it, so lighthearted, she's like, should I just have sex with him? Like, what if he gets better? Is there a possibility his heart rate too high? That's where I draw the line. That's what made me feel like this is not real. Are you being dead serious for real? No pun intended. Is this like, I cannot. Okay.

I think that if he says in his last two months of life, he wants to spend time with you, then spend time with him if you want also want to. Yeah. That's incredibly sad if that's real because that also, but it's also not a reason because I was going to say you're going to get more attached to him if you keep spending time with him. And then if this is like, if he really does,

Yeah. Pass away. That's like very hard for you as well, but that's also not a reason to like knock it close with someone. It's like, oh, well, you're already kind of deep into it. You're already in it. So I think whatever you're both comfortable with and he's a grown man. Yeah. It's like he can make his own decision. So if he, that's what he wants, then that's what he wants. Yeah. You shouldn't be like trying to read between the lines like, well, you know, yeah. I'm having a hard time even being serious about these answers. Me too, because I really feel like it's fake. I feel like that's a fake story.

Because of how long she's asking about it. Like, should I just do it?

if I just do it. That's crazy. That is crazy. Because also if you don't, yeah, I don't know. I thought for sure, I thought the directions was going in was that he lied. Like he was like, I only have two months to live. I have no more words. I have no more advice for this situation. What if he is lying and that's how he's his ploy to get you to marry him and then he just never gets better? That was the craziest part. Should I marry him? No. Wait, I don't even think she said, should I have sex? I think she just said, should I marry him so that we can marry him so he can have sex?

Girl. Yeah, that's where you lost. That's where you lost me. I marry him so he can have sex. I am so beyond confused and I want to believe this is not true because it's sad too. Yeah, of course. Well, if it's true, please send us a follow up. Oh my gosh, like I must know. We have no advice. This is again.

So wait, this whole level of this whole whole time we were debating of like, Oh, should you have sex with them? And that wasn't even the question. It was, I mean, there should I merely have a bunch of questions, a bunch of questions. She said, there was literally five questions in. Do I get with him for the last few months of his life? Doesn't make me horrible person. If I do a worse version of my dough, what if he gets to try and transplant gets better? I enjoy spending time with him, but medical stuff. Like I don't see this. So should I marry him so he can have sex? Will that make his heart rate too high and kill him? Okay.

That smart was. It does not talk to him again and risk him being heartbroken the last few months of his life.

I'm not going to say what I was saying. Stop. Yeah. What? I really feel from my heart is so sad for I'm having to go through this. What do I do? There's nothing to be. There's nothing to be sad. Go with your heart. Go with. Go with your gut. Go with your heart. Spend time with him if he makes you happy. He does say. Okay. Okay. Let's wrap this up. That was the craziest one. If that's real.

I'm sorry for him and for you and for his family. That's very sad. Yes. And I do hope that he does get a transplant and he can't like, I don't know. Yeah. What is going to say is, is she implying that if he does get a transplant, like he will get what we find? Yeah. But they just don't know if they can get him in here or.

I'm hoping for that option. However, also don't like if he is getting better, don't like string him along either if you don't see it going anywhere. I think I'm just confused by this story all around because she started with she led with like it's just friend vibes. And then I was like, but she can't stop making out. We just keep hooking up. It's like, Oh, I thought it was just friend vibes. So the whole thing is very.

Yeah. Interesting. Very messy. Okay. Well, thank you guys for writing in for advice. I feel as though we were absolutely no help today. No. On any friend. Are we ever really ever. But that's what girlfriends are for. They're not here to tell you exactly what to do. It's just to offer you a perspective, a listening ear and a sounding board, if you will. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, true.

Thank you guys for listening. Hope you're having fun in the Twilight Zone. We're going to be back very soon with a new year episode with some fresh, fresh ideas, you know, the typical new year episode where we talk about what we're channeling for the new year, our vision. And I'm excited for that. It'll be really fun. 2025 just around the corner. This is the last episode of 2024. So we did nothing.

to commemorate this year. We didn't know episodes being like 24 things. We were like, I know. Wait, that's weird about us. Wait, that's weird about us. We're just like, that was the year ending with the definitely next next week. But it's like, wow, this is happening.

Yeah. Well, to round out this year, thank you guys so, so much for being such a huge part of our lives in general. And this was a year of change. It was. And you guys stuck with us through it. Babies, sets, all of it. Yes. This was a lot happened this year. And it was a really transformative year, I would say.

Lots of big milestones. And I'm excited for this next year too. I think it'll be the same. I think a lot of a lot of big things around the corner. Big things coming. So thank you guys so much for being a part of our 2024 and for making it so special and memorable for us. We love you so much. And that's what we said. Goodbye.

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