How to be the Ultimate Wingwoman

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper. We call her Daddy. It's so good. Wait, let me try. How good is that?

Oh, that's fucking insane. I've never had strawberry with tequila. Yeah. That's insane. Cheers. Cheers. Love you. Love you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. If you are listening to this while you are getting fucked by your ex-boyfriend, Jan 1, I am here to let you know that I am here with my best friend, Lauren. Hi, Daddy Gang. We are ringing in the New Year together. We are currently in

Utah, we are skiing, we're being a little ski bunnies. I'm really proud because you and I have the same level of like, ski-ability. You kind of like can't go skiing with someone, I mean, you can. You can't. Then you'll hate them. Yeah, it sucks. We're kind of on the same exact page. We're like, I want to do a blue. I want to feel the wind in my hair. I want to have a two-hour op-pray lunch. Absolutely, but I don't want a black diamond in it. No, no, no. But the mat kind of bullies us. We did like one.

Yeah. One to two a day. One to quarter. So it feels like we go to sleep or like, oh, like we're a little sore. Yeah. But Matt's always like, come on, let's go Black Diamond. And I'm like, I don't really want to be an adult on crutches. In my older age, I get like a little nervous Nelly. Me too. I used to be a daredevil. Now I'm like slow and steady wins race. So Lauren and I are in Utah. And I would say that you and I have

First of all, Happy New Year, everyone. I hope you had the best New Year's Eve. If you want to set them off with an intention. Ooh, I'm not really one for intentions, but what I will say is this. I really don't like New Year's Eve.

I really don't like New Year's Eve. Like I am someone from I think like even high school. I always hated New Year's Eve parties. It always freaked me out. I was always terrified people would be drinking and driving if I went to a party. I was terrified to get on the roads. I was also always feeling like not happy if I was hungover in the morning and I just never

Like, of course, I've had nice new years, but I feel like I'm really, really entering my get fucked up on a couple martinis at home and put my feet up in relax mode. It's about the company, not the plans.

Lauren, Cheery old Santa over here. Yes. We have spent quite a few New Year's together. I feel like we've spent, I think you're the friend that I've spent the most New Year's with, right? Mm-hmm. We have the one iconic I'm thinking of. When is the last one that we spent together?

Besides this one, I hope, I don't know what you're going to see, but I know what the one at Matt's house. Yes. When we moved to Los Angeles. Yes. It was a COVID. So classic. I was just third wheeling Matt and Alex and I was single. This was like the last time I was single. So this was about like three years ago. And Matt comes in so proud and he's like, Lauren, I'm going to set you up with someone and it's going to be a fantastic night.

Just tell them, just get it to the punchline. So he doesn't really tell me anything. This guy walks in. He is a 45-year-old divorcee who breeds wolves. And the front end is fine, like 45 divorce. If anything, we're kind of loving that for you. Yeah, down for that.

Oh, oh, and he brought a half wolf half dog. No, he did. There was a wolf that walked into Matt's home, and we all kind of did. I'm not sure. I wonder if I have a fucking video. You do. You do. He was like, we're not exaggerating. This thing was like, massive. Three times the size of Henry.

And this is the first time that Matt tried to set single Lauren up and I remember Lauren's like eating her buffalo chicken dip and she turns to me and she was like, we need to have a conversation after this. And I was like, no, I'm so sorry. She was, no, no, no. It's Matt. What does Matt think of me that I should be marrying or even fucking even dating a wolf man? It was like pretty fucking bad.

Have you ever had success setting someone up? Okay, I feel like I've set a lot of my friends up for good, like, fucks. I don't know if any of my friends are currently dating. Like, I feel like in high school and college, I was always setting people up. But I, in my adult life, I feel like there's no one that I- They're gonna call you up during the wedding and be like, Alex Cooper is the reason we're married. No, because I also think like, it's so hard that like, I don't live in the same city as a lot of my friends. Yeah.

So I'm like networking. I literally told you, move back to LA, bitch. I have so many fucking suitors for you and my baby. Okay, okay. I will give you credit. Like you have been coming through for me and you have been wing, woman, wing, womaning me very, very hard lately. Thank you. You know what I'm thinking of?

Oh, the literally the fact that you were in between a billionaire and like a hot man from Miami, and you ditched them both. I forgot about that one. Okay, tell that story. Okay, so first of all, Daddy Gang, I saw a couple comments of like, wait, Lauren is single. Yes, Lauren is single now. She's entering the new year, a single woman. Daddy Gang, do you want to wing woman me? DM Alex, send them the resume, a profile.

You're not at a shortage of men, Lauren. Here's the thing, Lauren was upset about her breakup, and then she finally decided it's time to get after it. And I remember you. We were in New York City a few weeks ago. Yes, but even prior to New York City, even if it's not success, I'm so proud of you. You have been really putting yourself out there. I've been getting out there.

You're on the apps. You're going on dates. You told me you went on a coffee date. You went on a cocktail date. You went on a dinner date that lasted like two and a half hours. Yeah, we'll get there. You have a man that gave you all these plants. That's a long story. You have a man that gave you a foot massage. Like you're making headway, Lauren, in your single life. But we were in New York City a couple of weeks ago. And I think I posted this on my TikTok, but Halle was hooking up with this billionaire. And Halle was worried that the billionaire was just too nice for her, a classic. I honestly can't relate. I like nice guys. Yeah.

No, Lauren likes people to treat her well. And so, Halle was like, sweetie, you just take him. So it is the end of the night, we are all at this bar, and Lauren is in between the billionaire, and now, if anything, it looked like you were favoring the man that wasn't even the fucking billionaire. This man from Miami, who was another man that you came over and you were like, oh, this is my friend, Lauren, and you were smoothing me for me.

Love you say smoothing it's schmoozing. It's the best fucking statement ever So Lauren is like hanging out schmoozing with all these people everyone leaves the bar because I'm like I'm going home to my husband Everyone's going to bed and Lauren 130 a.m So like all the girls were with leave So I'm just at the bar and it's me and a table full of guys And I'm like this is a dream like Alex came through she put her reputation on the line She didn't ruin it and I literally woke up in the morning and I FaceTime Lauren and I'm like oh

Which one did you go home with? And what do you say to me, Lauren? None of them. Because at like 2 a.m., I'm like working it, laying my moves still, and my friends call me. And they're like, Lauren, we have your location. We see you're at a bar around the corner, come meet us. And I don't see my friends who live in New York City that often, so I get so excited. And I'm like, oh my god, OK. And I just hold the guys like, all right, bye guys. And then I leave, and I wake up, and I'm like,

Like in your drunken state, you cock block yourself and you chose your friends over men, which says a lot about you, which I love you because you are such a girl's girl. However, like you got to choose yourself in those moments hard. She was putting in hours of work with these people. Anyways, so she ends up not hooking up with anyone and we're like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. So now all of a sudden we're kind of on this hunt and I don't know if anyone is doing this, but first of all, if you're in a fucking relationship and your friend is single, you're

Mindset, every coffee shop you walk into, every single work event you walk into, every single room you walk into is an opportunity to find a man for your friend. I have you like dialed up differently. Like, now I've never heard you comment on men as much as you are now. You're like, oh my God, Lauren, like, did you see him? Like, Lauren, like, that guy's like, look at that guy. Speaking of, let us tell you the story of what recently just happened.

We get on the plane. Okay, we're leaving New York City. We are like ravenous for a man for you. Okay, I am like, I will find her dick. So we sit down you guys and Lauren and I are sitting next to each other. And I see on the airplane and I see this guy that is in the last row in first class and he has this like Michigan t-shirt on.

He has kind of hair like mattes, it's like rustled and hot and it's like, oh, I'm like, this man is a vision, okay? I turn to Lauren, I grab her wrist and I say, Lauren, back right corner, prospect. She fakes, gets up, she looks up in the, her bin cabin, she's rustling through her fucking luggage. She sits down, she goes, he is the most gorgeous man I've ever fucking laid eyes on. How do we fucking get me in and around that asshole?

Now, we recruit the flight attendant. Flight attendant comes over to Candace our Bloody Marys. We said, get in here. He was a gay ally. Okay, he turned to me. He said, bitches. What do you need for me? I said, you need to go back right left corner. Back right left. Hello? You need to go back corner, right side, and you need to find out if this man has a ring on.

Is he fair game for me? He goes, he walks back, the flight attendant, such a fucking home. He goes, girls, there's no motherfucking ring. Lauren and I are like, boom, boom, boom. Okay, we're in. Now, here's the thing about being on a flight and seeing a hot guy. That is to me like one of the coolest fucking opportunities of how you can meet your potential husband.

You started planning the speech you were about to give at my wedding if you orchestrated this. And we thought I was going to marry this guy. Because we started to get so excited because we're like, this is so cool. And I want to validate every single person. I hate when people preface it being like, oh, how did you guys meet? And they're like, we met on a dating app. We met on Instagram. I know so embarrassing. It is not embarrassing. That is literally the most common way to meet people now. So first of all, it's not embarrassing.

However, there is something obviously in you that's like how fucking cool to meet someone out in the wild like that's fucking ideal and cool Yeah, so we're starting to picture this and I'm like you meet your husband on a plane You guys hit it off. You then all of a sudden get like this is this is magic Yeah, so we start strategizing daddy gang and I suggest you guys do this if you see a fucking hot person on a plane I get it's also easier when you have a friend with you if you're solo It's a little intimidating

Lauren and I decide you need to write your name and your number on a napkin. And we're going to have the flight attendant bring the napkin over to the guy. And my seat number. So he could like know who it was before. We decided we were going to do it like with an hour left in the flight because this flight was like five fucking hours. And then we start stressing out because you were like Alex.

I don't look the part. Like we were hungover as fuck because we were out until like 3 a.m. the night before. I'm in like a sweatsuit. I have not an ounce of makeup on. We look pretty puffy. I literally was like to be asked for ice and like I like I throw my face with like ice from like the plane. We look fucked up and so we just kept Harold the dog going and Lauren goes one minute.

gets up into the cabin, gets her makeup down. I need to post the fucking videos that we talk about this day. I'm getting myself a full beat on the plane. Lauren starts contouring, and she's contouring it up, and she's looking so gorgeous, and I'm looking at the highlight. It wasn't my best, but it was better. No, no, you looked gorgeous. She's highlighting, and all of a sudden on the loudspeaker, we here. Thank God we didn't take a sleeping pill. Over the loudspeaker, we here. Everybody, we're going to have to deboard the plane.

At first, I thought this was a disaster, so I'm like, my husband's getting away, but then... And then I realized, hold on, Lauren. We're de-boarding to get back on board, okay? This man is in the Delta I pods, which means he will be going to the Delta I lounge. We're gonna go to the lounge, so we'll be able to almost congregate with him and we can follow him. So, everyone gets up, we get all of our stuff, Lauren's finishing her lip liner, and we beeline it to try to stay as close as humanly possible to this man as everyone is de-boarding

We have a tail on him. We got off the plane and he stopped at the desk to ask the agents if he goes back to the lounge, will they be able to give updates to the lounge? And something just came over me where I was like,

I now seeing this man in his height. This man was like pushing 636. He had some nice like joggers on some like athletic sneakers like maybe he was like an athlete in college. He was giving athlete dick. I was in it for Lawrence. So I.

shove my way forward without even thinking what I was going to do. And I put my body right up behind him. So when he turns around from the desk, talking to the woman at the kiosk, I will be right dead center there, almost to the point where he makes physical contact with me.

He turns around and almost bumps into me and I go, oh, hey, what did they say? And he looks at me and he goes, oh, if you're in, no, this was when we knew he eyed us because he was like, oh, us, if you're in Delta Lounge, we can all go back to the lounge. And I was like, oh, really, they said that? And he goes, yes, so we can go. I said, amazing.

Lauren, then, just wanting to make any contact comes in. She goes, sorry, what did they say? I'm like, bitch, you're standing right next to me. You just heard what he fucking said. But she wanted to make contact with them. She's like, I want to hear my voice. You know my presence. He said the same thing to Lauren. We go, OK, great. He starts walking to the lounge. Fast. He's walking quick.

be lining it, which we didn't know why, but eventually we learned why. He's be lining it to lounge, almost like running to the lounge. We're on like a light jog following him. He's like, the lounge is big, so we're like, we can't let him get too much distance, because like, we can't let him go to a corner of the lounge and we lose him. The lounge is like bigger than the fucking airport. At JFK, Delta won lounge, Jesus fucking Christ, that thing is a fucking giant giant. Metropolis. Metropolis. So we are running, and then as we're running, I'm like, Lauren, we look so creepy if he turns around and sees us running, like, why are we running?

So we tried to be very covert, very undercover. We get to the lounge. We get to the lounge and there's a man at the front and he starts speaking to the man at the front of the lounge. So we immediately stop with him again. And I don't know if you guys have ever had this, but whenever there is a flight that has been delayed or something going on an airline, you start to bond with the people around you, right? You're right together.

You become so cozy and comfortable. It's almost sad when you leave after the flight because you were in this battle together. That's what we were trying to push on this man. Like, I want this man to feel like we are his literal friends by the end of this and he hopefully wants to fuck Lauren. If he needs a shoulder to cry on, we're here. So he turns to the guy and he's like, we're good to go. You guys will give us updates. And the person at the front of the lounge was like, yes, you're good. He goes, great. I got a rush. Do you know where the TVs are? I have to watch the football game.

So naturally, I'm standing there, not a clue in the world what football game is on. I'm like, Taylor Swift, Patrick Mahomes, he's like, I gotta watch the game, where's the TV? And I'm like, we, yeah, we're looking. We're looking to watch the game too, actually. We're like, we, yeah, where is the game on? And he literally goes, oh, you guys want to go, yeah, where's the TV? I'm like, yeah, I really need to see this game. What quarter is it? Are there quarters? Yeah, what quarter are we in? And so they, like, point us to the TV.

This man be lines it to the TV. We start making our way to the TV as well. He places himself to tell down. We look at each other and we go, we're being so fucking creepy. We need to reel it back. We now know where this man is sitting. Let's go at least to the bar. You guys, this is where the story takes a turn for the motherfucking worst, okay? I would say an hour goes by.

And we're building it up in our heads more and more. I'm like, I'm going to fall in love. We're like, he went to Michigan. He's smart. He's attractive. He likes football. Oh, my God. You're in a fantasy league, yourself, Lauren. We thought maybe he'd be coming on our new year's trip with us. Completely. He was out when he was going to be sparks flying.

Every 30 minutes, we had to go check in with the gate person, and he kept going over, and Lauren would walk over with him. She comes back over, she goes, hey, it's getting a little more flirty. Every time I go back over, it's progressing. We were making bed. We are making. On when the flight would leave. We're making progress. I'm like, you're literally getting fingered in the bathroom tonight. Like, you are actually entering the Mile High Club, and I will be cheering you on.

All of a sudden, our friend we run into at the airport. Shout out Aubrey. Aubrey walks into the airport and we're like, Aubrey, what are you doing here? I've got a flight at 11 o'clock at night. Aubrey, we found my husband, Lauren's husband. She goes, where is he? I want to get a glimpse of him because I say, this is one of the most gorgeous many of every senior life, okay? We go, he's got a Texas hat on, a Michigan shirt on,

go find him. He's in the back corner. Yep. She get a Lee saunters off and all of a sudden she comes back and the face of happiness and excitement that she left with. She returns looking like she just saw a dead body and I'm like,

What's Aubrey, what's wrong? Lauren's like, did you see him? And Aubrey goes, I have really, really, really upsetting news for you both. And we're both like, what? Do you want to say it or should I say it? She goes, girls, Lauren, I'm so sorry, but

He's gay. No, in this moment, we were like, no, no, no, no, there's no way. No, because like you have a great gator or something like I was like this was full fucking flirting. I think but maybe I was learning. I was laying my moves. We're making contact. We're making bets.

Or was it just like him being a nice person? Because you wanted information on the flight. I don't know. Maybe we're also like dick drunk or we're just like wanting to find you anything that we're literally. We said what's the proof? We need a proof. So we said, Aubrey, how do you know he's gay, sweetie? He's watching fucking football over there. Like he's got a Texas hat and a Michigan sweatshirt. That doesn't scream gay to me. Like, come on. Like he's like.

Yeah, come on. She goes, girls, I stood behind him as he was watching the game, and he was scrolling and scrolling and scrolling naked men on Instagram and zooming in to their pectoral muscles and their V lines. And Lauren and I are dead silent, you guys, and we go,

Oh, maybe he's a casting agent. Maybe he's a talent scout. I'm like, maybe he's a talent model scout. We don't know an Aubrey looks at us like, you dumb fucks. You dumb fucks shut the fuck and we're literally like, there's no fucking way. But everything that had been built up into this moment, you guys, we couldn't accept that he was gay. So we sent you in. So I sent myself in and I'm like, I need to see it for my own fucking eyes. At that point, literally thought Aubrey was fucking with us.

So I go to find him and I can't find him. And I'm like, fuck it. I need to go pee. Let's go pee. I walked to the bathroom. He had changed locations. And you guys, I see it for myself. I walk over and this man is still scrolling, scrolling, gorgeous men, hot, sexy, chiseled. They look so fucking hot, but they're men. You know what I mean? And Lauren has a vagina and it just wasn't going to work. So I come back to Lauren, I go.

Yeah, he's gay. Lauren's like, I put on makeup for nothing. So then Lauren, all of a sudden, guys, we're sitting at the bar onto her right. There's a man to her left, Lauren, Lily goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

Lauren, he's drinking a pink martini. He was all so gay, but then Lauren was like, fuck, fuck, what the fuck my gator? And then there was another man that came over that like there was a lot going on and we got a little, we were a little upset for you. I didn't feel confident in my, we didn't feel confident whatsoever, but we had a lot of fun doing it. And this is what I will say.

It was so fun partaking in, although it was a fucking disaster, first advice to anyone in a relationship, or married, or engaged, whatever the fuck. Like, be a fucking homie to your girlfriends, and put your neck out for them, and put yourself physically in moments where you are stopping men in their tracks for your fucking friend. Because what's so fucking great about, I'm realizing what the Wingwoman situation is like,

It makes you look like the chill, mysterious one. If I'm the fucking annoying freak being like, hey, what time do they say we can go to the lounge? And then you're like, sorry, what did you say? It's such a good layup. Be the fucking wingwoman that your friend deserves. And for you, Lauren, you gotta keep on the fucking horse, bitch. You're fucking cruising. You've been a wingwoman for me like many, many a times before.

You haven't been single that long in our life. No. You're more of a relationship girly. Yes. The last time that I was like single a while ago was for one month. Oh, yeah, that was bad. Back in 2018. Back in the boondock days. Back in 2018, I was single for one month and I said, big out. I want to get out there and I want to... Where did we find this man?

Where do we catch? We found him at catch. Oh my god, we went to catch that night literally hunting for Dick. We literally went to catch to find you a man and we got so intoxicated. We both brought him back home. I met him, you sat me up with him and I was gonna go home with him and you were like,

Well, like, I don't want to be alone. And you were living at Slim Shady's house. I was living at my ex-boyfriend, well, at the time, boyfriend house. Yes. And he was out of town. Yeah. And you say, just bring him back to Slim's house. And just mind you, I was acting like it was a guest bedroom.

his roommate was fully another player on the team and you guys fucked in his teammates bed and at the time I thought that the boyfriend Slim Shady was cheating on me which ends up he was so I don't feel bad but I in the moment like looking back you guys fucked on Rob's bed and then come the morning I wake up and I'm like

I'm like so hungover and I'm so not into this and I go get in the bed with you and I'm like Alex like this guy needs to leave like I don't want to like talk to him cuz I don't fear it was like 10 a.m. And he was like still lingering boring so disgusting we were like what do we do what do we do what do we do?

and I write him a note, and I say, hey, so sorry, I had a great time, but I really need to die alone in peace, you gotta go. And I went, crept in, dropped the note, under the door, gave it a little knock, and then ran out.

Like the fact that this man is in our home basically and you're like leaving this man a note to be like, please let yourself out. Lauren is then comes back in bed and we lock the door. We are in my ex-boyfriend's apartment. Who is an MLB player? There is memorabilia, signed autographs, team jerseys, like all over. So this like New York City like 20 year old boys and like frat boy is gonna like wake up and be like,

I'm in a penthouse of like an MLB player and the funniest thing is you when you first started to call her daddy you like hinted at this story that like you brought someone back like for a friend to Slim Shady's when he was out of town.

and this guy found you like this guy heard the story and dm do a picture of the note he kept the note you guys for four three years later three years later this man dm's me a picture and he goes one of the greatest night mornings yeah mornings of my life i wake up after having great sex and i walk around

And I just am literally realizing that I'm in a Mets pitcher's fucking apartment. But then I remember laying there with you and we're so hungover and I'm like, there's no way he's gonna steal anything, right, Lauren? But we were so far gone that we had been like, you left a note, we were being so fucking freaks. Yeah. And we just were like, I can't talk to anyone. Like he just like needs to leave. And then I remember we heard the front door slam and we walked around. I'm like, honestly, I don't give a fuck if he stole anything. Well, honestly, take it with you. Everything is in check, but Slim Shandy was not happy.

Oh, he was fucking livid. And I was like, yeah, but what pussy were you in this week? Okay. Lauren fucks in his bed. You were in a different girl and I'm the one that just gets fucked. Oh, everyone got fucks, but Alex. So that was, yeah, I was a pretty good wing woman that night. I take pride in being a good wing woman and I'm very, very excited for this new venture for you. And I'm very happy that you're enjoying the single life because I think that you sometimes, understandably,

when you're single and a lot of your friends are in relationships, I feel like almost all your friends are in relationships, right? Like pretty much every friend is in a relationship engaged or married. I think that can be hard where you're like not looking forward to being single only because you're like, fuck, I don't have that many single friends. And I feel like you are having a lot of fun with it and you're being really open to going and meeting a lot of different people.

Yeah, I will say the one positive is being the only single one. Everyone's kind of excited to wing woman. Everyone's like, oh, like, let me like live vicariously through you a little bit. Oh, I love that. That's a fun aspect. And another thing I will say that

to Daddy Gang, who's maybe like on the verge of like, I know I need to end a relationship or wanting to end something and being scared about starting over at 30. Something I've realized is dating at 30, because the last time I was single, I was 26.

Dating at 30 is so, so much different than dating at 26. I feel like, at least from my experience so far, everyone is just so straightforward, and the games are really, really done, and it's not like, am I going to, obviously, I'm not just going to text people, there's some coiness to it, but it's not games, and it's straightforward, and everyone's just like, yeah, I'm looking for someone, and I'm not fucking around, which is like, it's refreshing, it's easier.

If you like, there's only a certain amount of years you can play the game until it actually gets boring. Like, I actually- Now if someone's playing the game, I'm like, okay, well, it's not cool anymore. Right, you're like, I don't care. So, next, if someone's playing the game, I'd be like, okay, maybe I'm a little bit into this.

Well, again, because when you're younger in your 20s, like who the fuck wants to get married and settle down? Some people, but not me at that point. I was like, I want to feel the thrill. I want to be getting my head bashed in the mattress. I want to be getting flipped upside down. And then I want to be getting ghosted the next day. I want to have my heart ripped out of my chest and I want to do it all over again. And then some. And then when you get a little older, you're kind of like.

I literally don't have time. I have taxes. I have a life. I have a family. I have fucking trips. I have work. I have a bunch of fucking shit and all my friends are finding their person. I want to be intentional about how intentional about what I'm doing and where I'm spending my time. Like if I'm going to leave my house and put on makeup and like.

go out on like a Sunday or like a Tuesday. Let's be straightforward and not waste each other's time here. Completely. Actually though, I've run into two issues with my dating game that I would love your opinion on or your advice. Hit me. Okay, issue number one, I cannot end a date under three hours. I have had no date go under three hours. The longest so far being a first date lasting eight hours.

Wait, sorry, I was just swallowing. Did you just say you went on a date that lasted eight hours? Yeah. Lauren, what does that even mean? What time did you start the date? I think we went to dinner at 6.30. What time did you get home? 2 a.m. No. No. You're disturbing me right now. Are you getting married? No. Did you ever, do you want to see the man again? I don't know. Wait. Only Lauren being like, I spend eight hours with a man and I don't even know if I want to see him again.

I thought you were about to tell me that you literally are in love with someone. You spent eight hours with a man. So my issue is you can't end it. I can't end it because in my mind, I'm like, what if they're a little nervous right now? We're like, what if like the sparks about to hit? And like while I'm here, like, I might as well just like give it like, let it's run its course a little bit and like see if something pivots.

I get what you're saying, sometimes I do that with interviewing where I'll be talking to someone and like, the beginning is like light work. You're like, ooh, you're a little nervous. Let me throw this in softball. But by the end, once you're jiving, you could write off into the sunset. Okay, wait, hold on. Is this the plant, man?

No, I can't. Can we just quickly tell that story? Okay. Okay. You're fucked up. You had a very long date. I go on a very long first date with this guy. Eight hours. And we're drinking at a bar and I just moved and I'm telling him like he's like, would you do earlier that day? And I'm like, oh, I went plant shopping and like I got myself a new plant. Naturally. And he's like, oh, well, like I'm moving tomorrow and like I don't know what to do with my plants. Like, do you want to come and like get all of my plants?

And like you can have all of my plants and I'm like Fantastic like a drunk you're like free plants Are you fucking kidding me? Yes? So then what happens though? So I go over and I end up leaving and I don't leave with the plants, but then the next day you a foot massage. Yes No, can I just tell that part?

It's so good, Lauren, it's so good. This man's gonna love this. You think? Lauren, he's gonna love it. And it's not even offensive, it's hilarious. And tell me if, correct me if I'm wrong. Okay. Lauren says she's in this man's apartment. They're having a nightcap. A nightcap. You've been on seven dates at this point in one night, and Lauren sits down. And how does he ask for your foot?

Wait, does he just take your foot? Yeah, he just grabs it. He grabs her feet to which she's like this. And Lauren in her head was like, please, for the love of God, no, no, no. I hope he doesn't have a foot fetish. Please don't have a foot fetish. Please don't have a foot fetish. He takes off her sock, takes off the other sock. And he starts- Thank God I had a pedicure. And he starts massaging her feet. And what do you do in that moment? Like, oh.

I guess you're fucked up. Yeah, I was drunk at that point. I was just like oh

Okay. I think I was just in my head like, please don't pop a tone your mouth. Please don't pop a tone your mouth. Honestly, that is like a dream. If a man's going to massage, I get it on a first date. It's a little much, but a man that's willing to give acts of service. I've been out there. I've been having experience. No, she's living. So then the next morning you wake up because you don't sleep there. I leave.

you don't hook up more than to make out. You get home, and then, and then, he had land, she wakes up in the morning, and he shows up to your apartment with like 45 plants. Guys, I have really nice plants now. I have so many plants, I don't know what to do with them. And plants are expensive, good plants. Yes, and they're like, they came with pots. Oh my god. And I've never owned this many plants now, and now I feel like I'm like,

A plant mom? As you just leave Chicago, he's gone? Yeah. He doesn't live in Chicago anymore. Here's the thing. Diamonds, plants, it's all in the same realm. If you can get something from a birth date, you're winning. You've got a foot. Oh, he brought me cheese knives too. So he just gave you all the shit that he was getting rid of. Here's the thing. I'm really proud of you. I feel like you're having good experiences, but you need, I agree.

How fast do you think you, like, when should I, like, start cutting it? To be fair, I feel like back in the day. The hours is fair? Three hours is a long fucking dime, Lauren. But here's the thing. I do think when you're single, there's also something to be said about, like, on a Wednesday night, on a Thursday night, if you didn't have plans with your girlfriends, like,

Yeah, I guess you could be home like reading a guitar, but like- I finished it. Well then exactly. So then what the fuck else are you doing? We've read our fucking series. You're done binging our shows. But the point is, is you, I feel like, I feel like you are someone that you like to hang out with people. I think that's all sort of thing. I've been really fortunate. All the dates I've gone on, while there might not have been enough chemistry to go on a second date, they are all lovely people. Yeah, and you're getting to know them.

And myself. Period. Okay, Laura. Yeah. This is my advice to you. Number one, if you're going on a weekday date, do you do those often? I never do Friday or Saturday. I'm a big Sunday date person. Okay. So I feel like if you're doing either a Sunday or you're doing a weekday thing, I think that because I was going to say go for drinks, but like make them fucking pay for a good dinner, like get yourself a good steak and fill up. You know what I mean? So I think because I get it when people like just go for drinks, it's easier to get out of.

Yeah, but I've been doing that and then I'm like having drinks for three hours and now I'm like, I'm really hungry. So I might as well eat exactly. So I think I already know you and I was the same like go for the fucking dinner. Yeah. I do think you can always say like I have an early morning tomorrow and I know that's not that fun, but you're still going to like have a drink and you're going to hang. I do think you just have to almost cut yourself though because what I also recognize is first dates are so fun, but you don't want to blow your fucking load in the first date where like you almost are kind of like,

I don't really need anything more. We kind of talk about everything like what else is there to do almost I've had those dates where I'm like that was so fun But I almost don't need to like see this person again because I don't see a future with them and I kind of know everything about them now like it's over Yeah, I think you want to still feel like you have more questions about someone so I would say you just have to Eat at the normal fucking pace and by the third fucking course Lauren get the fucking check and go home, but you're going for night caps and

That's where I need to cut it off. You need to cut it off? No, no night caps after dinner. No, okay, what's the other problem you're going with? I keep thinking that everyone's trying to kiss me goodbye and they're not. And so like they're going for a goodbye hug and I kiss them and it's really fucking awkward.

So you're the problem. Lauren's like, they're not trying to kiss you, but I feel like it. So I go in for first. I think what you have, that is actually so fucking fair. One was so bad. I literally ran away and got in the Uber. Wait, what happened? Like he, we were like going for the hug and like, I thought like he was like going to try to kiss me. So I go and I kiss him and it was just like, and I

Literally my Uber was there and I literally just like turn around and I just get in the Uber. I don't say anything. I just turn around. You just speed away. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, no, this is that I think you need to do, which I actually completely agree. First dates when you're vibing with someone also like, I like a first date make out because I like to be like, maybe if the conversation was like average or mid.

the make out if it's so good. It makes you be like, maybe I'll go on a second date with you. You know what I mean? That's an added point. Are you sexually attracted to the person? So I'm all for a little make out on the first date. But if you don't want to do the make out, I think... Well, I've been initiating all of these and they've been like, what are you doing? But, Lauren, I think you need to, when you go to hug them, goodbye. You need to hug. I can't believe we're doing this. Hug. And then it's a, it's a pug.

Yeah, it's a one, two, whatever the fuck hug. Grab your butt. And then grab the ass and kind of finger the dingleberries and kind of pinch his asshole hair. No, no. The minute you're done with the hug, you kind of, you turn your head away from them and you kind of pull back. You're probably kind of doing a linger.

Okay, ready hug me. Okay, you are. And then I got back. Lauren, Lauren, you're literally in my nostril hair. You literally are, no, Lauren. Okay, okay, wait, I have a solution. You have to go like this.

You go like this, and then you go like that. Have you ever hugged an uncle? Okay, wait. So this was really distressing me and I was talking to my one guy friend in Chicago. I'm like, does this ever happen to you? This is an epidemic over here for me. And he's like, Lauren, here's my rule that I live hard and fast by.

On the first date, if a kiss does not happen during the actual date, he's like, I never kissed goodbye. Because a goodbye kiss, there's so much pressure, and it's so forced. So he was like, now sit, and he's like, so like if you're like sitting, you're like sitting and like talking, and he's like, if you're like knees are touching, like you're going for the kiss during the date, like then, normal, natural, chemistry. But he's like, if it doesn't happen on the actual date,

Never on the goodbye. Okay, this is good confirmation. So here's the thing though. I'm gonna rebuttal a tiny bit. Okay. The goodbye, if it's the literal goodbye when you are like, Uber's ready to go. And you're like, hands on the fucking taxi cab or Uber. You're like, I guess I'm going now. And he's like, bye. Yeah, get in the fucking car, okay? You're trying to like elongate to a four hour situation. Like, just one more night cup. I don't wanna go home just yet. But I think,

For example, after dinner, Matt and I on our first date, it was a back alley make out. How I knew it was going to be a back alley make out is there was a lot of sexual tension throughout the dinner. Okay, this is my mistake. There's no sexual chemistry or no sexual tension. And then I try to plan a kiss on them. This is good. This is good info.

You're just not reading the fucking room. I don't know what I'm doing. No, I think you're just having fun. I'm trying to give them a good time. No, and you're having fun. And you're having fun. You're a sexual being. You're seeing if you can. Maybe I'm too like pent up.

You're kind of like, you're kind of looking at them like legs open. Like this man is like, we literally fought at dinner and our views are completely different. We literally talked about like politics and like your job and like there was nothing sexual going on. She's Lauren. I'm not doing that. No, no, no. Listen, I think it's so fucking attractive when the woman makes the first move. However,

You know, we don't want you to get a reputation around Chicago. They're like, yeah, this fucking way to clean up my act. You got to get it together. No, have fucking fun. But no, I think if it's at the end of the night, there's something really steamy and hot about this build. But to be fair, on my first date with Matt, he literally reached across the table at one point and held my hand and he was like, can I kiss you yet?

So we had been talking. I know that was like fucking hot. I literally was like, no. Okay, so that's a really good, tangible example of tension and chemistry. He's like touching me. He's like, hold my hand. He was like, can I kiss you yet? I said, no. So I knew we were going to kiss. If this man.

is given it is a job interview through and through and he's trying to network baby. And this is giving more LinkedIn. Yeah, I think you don't give them the chance. Don't plant one on the moon unless you're in the mood and you're horny that night. You know what, bring them fucking back. Rarely are men going to be like, no, no, no, no. I don't want to see you and your vibrator tonight in your bed. Like, all right. Like, I think you got to decide what you want to do. I'm so excited that you're thriving and you're single. Honestly, you're going to find your guy.

Why I brought a game? Okay. She's fun. I brought a game. Do you do this on your dates? Yeah, I played Connect 4 for like an hour and a half on one of them. What? Lauren, Connect 4? Where the fuck did you find a Connect 4 thing? And a bar for the nightcap. I thought you like brought them back to your apartment. No. Okay, wait, that's cute. Yeah, cute. I love games. Okay. Okay, so I have a game and it's New Year's theme since today. Year New Us. New Year's Day. And it's stuff

Things that people normally do during the new year. Oh, and we I'm gonna name them Okay, and then if you could see yourself doing it in the new year have a drink love Go back to your natural hair color. Absolutely not Oh, I'll drink I'm kind of doing that right now by choice or

Or did someone fuck your hair off? I'm a little darker than I would like to be right now. Lauren has been crying.

Oh, we can't, we can't. Okay, we're both not going natural. No, fuck that shit. When's the last time you had your natural hair color? Never. I put in so much fun. No, actually though, when was the last time you had your natural hair color? High school, not even eighth grade. When did you first eye your hair? Summer going into freshman year of high school and I will never fucking go back, bitch. And you will never see with my natural hair unless there's a gun to my fucking head. And even when I'm fucking pregnant one day, wigs up in this bitch. Okay, next. Okay.

Take a drink if you would get a dog in the New Year. Oh my god, Matt literally will kill me. I make jokes to Matt being like, I could see you getting a third. Do we want a third? And he's like, you are mentally unstable if you think we need a third. Matt's like, give me a fucking baby before another fucking dog. Fair. I don't think we need another third dog.

I would fucking love nothing more than a dog, but I live in an apartment building. I travel too much. No dog. No dog for me. No dog right now. I just live off Bruce. Yes, you love Bruce. Take a drink if you would go on a solo trip in the new year. I will drink to that. I'm too scared. I can't.

Everything in my body, our best friend Kristen goes on solo trips all the time. She just got back from an 11 day in Nicaragua. And I literally looked at her and I'm like, you are everything I want to be, Kristen. But there is an abone in my body that could get myself on a plane and go somewhere and not think that there is a man going to come through that door to kill and harm me. Like, I can't go on a solo trip. I'm too scared.

It's on my like little short bucket list that I had before I get in a relationship. I think that would be a good experience for me. Like I kind of want to follow in Kristen's footsteps and do like a surfing retreat, but the issue is the last time I went surfing, I broke my foot. Yeah, like you're gonna go, maybe you'll go on a solo, but like I'm gonna have someone trailing you. I'm gonna get you a security guard or something. I'm just so, it sucks being a fucking woman.

Yeah, like it fucking sucks that we have to think about that shit like I remember at one point I said to a guy at one point like I could never go on a solo trip and they were like why and I was like why do you think like I literally don't know and I'm like oh Okay, that's the difference between men man and woman

Continue. Have a drink if you would get a tattoo in the new year. Absolutely not. I think if you see me getting a tattoo, it's like a little bit of like a pink flag that I'm having a mentee bee. Oh, I think that's like a fucking blazing red flag. Lauren, that's not pink. You? Not like for anyone, but like for me personally. No, no, no. If you're getting a tattoo, I know.

I gotta somehow find a way to contact your therapist. No, I think we're not tattoo girls. No, I don't have a single tattoo. You don't have a single tattoo. You would pass out because you can't do needles. I literally, when I heard that, I would just literally pass out. Okay, but like gun to your head, you had to get a tattoo. Like right now, like what would you get?

This is why I know I should never get a tattoo is because like, literally if there was a gun to my head, I'm telling you, I have nothing. I have nothing I would want to permanently put on my body. I have nothing. Nothing. I have like, lightly thought about it. And I'm like, like, maybe like something to honor my dad, but like, I don't want to be the girl with a dead dad tattoo. No, I think you can just like.

Look at pics and pray to him. All right, be Papa. Love you, Rob. Yeah, no, I don't think we're tattoo girls. No. Okay. Love you. Love you, Papa.

Um, have a drink if you would get Botox in the new year. The plea is multiple drinks. Fucking facelift coming soon, I hope. No, I'm just kidding. I've never gotten Botox, but I want to. I've got enough for both of us.

I'm going to do it when I visit you in LA because I want to do like, I don't want someone to like fuck me up. Like, I think you can, I've seen some eyebrows go a little skew. Oh, I've had it. Trust me, go back to my Forbes conference. I wanted to fucking end it all. I think that you should absolutely, when you feel ready, get Botox in your forehead. It literally makes your skin look so nice. Also, there is a trend right now and I am, I am so interested. I know the certain celebrities that have done it. I've been zooming and zooming in.

There is a trend right now of the lower facelift that everyone is getting it's like you just you're not old enough to get the full facelift So all these celebrities are getting these lower facelifts that it just pulls it basically from a Little lower than like right where your nose kind of is ending and they just pull everything up So whenever you see these people on the red carpet and it's like their jaw looks so fucking snatched one I've heard that they're getting these things injected to give them a nicer jawline It's like literally a fake implant thing

like filler or like an actual fake thing apparently. Oh, and then on top of that, they're snatching it with a facelift. So I'm not getting one, but like, when do we get facelifts at like 50 60? Oh, sooner sooner. Okay, so we'll go together. Matt will drop us off when we're like.

That will take care of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just still be third wheeling you guys. No, it'll be perfect. We'll all get faceless together. Matt's like, I don't want one. Like you're getting one. Okay, so yes, Botox in the future, obviously. Okay. Have a drink in the new year if you would try ayahuasca. Absolutely not. Like I'm curious, like, I think it sounds really intense. I don't want to shit my pants. I already do it enough.

I don't want to shit and throw up and you know me with drugs. Yeah. I'm not a drug girl. I think I could handle it. You could handle it. You and Kristen could do ayahuasca together. But it sounds like what do you think? Say you wouldn't shit your pants.

What spiritual journey do you think you would go on in your ayahuasca journey? Oh my fucking god. I know this is lame to say, but I'm just not that type of person. If I have a problem, I literally just address it head on quickly and I keep it moving. I don't feel like I'm someone that's the nature and the sand and I need to put my feet in the ground and the sand. I don't know. I feel like I'm every week. Would you like talk to Nana maybe?

No, I don't give a shit about my grandma. Like, I love her, but I wouldn't be like, nana. Like, I love, but no, I give a shit about her, but not in that way. I wouldn't be like, nana. Like, my nana died. I had a great life with her. She was awesome. I loved her, but like, I don't need to talk to her.

I guess I would like to know if she's, like, sitting in Mercury. We always wondered if she was, like, bad behavior that she never got straight up to heaven. You're not Mercury. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm not even drinking. No, I always wondered, like, is Nana gonna make it out. Nana's definitely in heaven at this point.

She went through some trauma. I have no interest in talking to my grandmother. I mean, it wouldn't be bad, but like, I just don't think I'd be like, I need to go through drugs to do that. You know what I mean? So I think for me, no ayahuasca on the back. I don't think I need that. What do you connect with your dad? Like not to be the dad, dad, girl, but like. I know, but would you want to? I don't know. Like you want to like connect. Like that sounds like it could ruin my life. You're like, I kind of want to keep it where I come from. Yeah. I feel like we're not going on that journey.

I don't see ayahuasca in the next year for me. But if you do, come and sit down and talk to us about it. I will. I'll let you guys know. Perfect. Thanks.

Wait, do you talk to dead people in ayahuasca? No, I think in ayahuasca, you confront whatever demons you haven't confronted. And maybe that's having a conversation with a dead person who you feel you didn't have closure with? No, Nana's definitely not haunting me. But now that I think about it, who is dead in haunting me? I guess no one. So I guess, oh, confront the demons. Like, like a demon, you're inner demons. Do you have any inner demons that you want to talk to us about today?

Oh my God. You know, I'd be new here, everyone. This is not the episode to talk about that. No, I've got some demons, but like, I don't want to face you. You want to keep them locked up today? Yeah, pent that shit up. Lock it away. Demons are staying locked up for the year 2025. Yeah, we'll connect back maybe in 2026. Let that shit rip. That's the year of confronting demons. Love, love, love. Is that it? Yeah, do you even need your resolution?

I have no New Year's resolutions. I will be honest. I have so many fucking goals that I am setting for myself with regard to work and career.

And I feel like I've never felt more motivated and excited for this year. I feel like there's been so many changes that are coming in a fabulous way.

I'm gonna roll out a bunch of new stuff with serious xm That's gonna give the daddy gang more content, which is very exciting and I know I've been saying that for a while guys, but it's coming It's just basically it's starting in February essentially so I haven't been able to talk about it because you guys know I I love a good little tease and I love a good little promotion that I love a good little drop to get your panties fucking wet so I have a lot of things I'm excited to give to the daddy gang because I

They have been so supportive of me and this show and I wouldn't be here without them. So I think 2025 is going to be the year of doing everything for the Daddy Gang and connecting with as many people as I humanly possibly can.

And that's literally why I'm coming out with this drink. Like, when I think of the unwell lifestyle, I totally see people online being like, I don't want to be unwell in my 30s. And I'm like, neither, like, neither at all. I, but unfortunately, like, life isn't fucking perfect. We're all fucking exhausted, whether it's from work or you're drinking or you're sober or you're

Your life is fucked or you're exhausted from work or it's just like children children Single dating kissing random men like Lauren like we're all a little fucking unwell and I think This drink was just like another extension of what the daddy gang and I have built is this community and now to be able to like

physically hold something that can help people when they're feeling shitty. I'm like, that's pretty fucking cool. And I never knew what the first thing that I would come out with would be. And now this feels so natural to me having been an athlete my whole life. Hydration has been in my life my whole life, but I also am not a fucking athlete anymore. And I sit on my fucking ass more than I work out and I want something that doesn't make me feel like shit if I didn't hit the gym that day or

You can have it in the gym. So it's available guys now in Target. If you want to go buy it and try it, it's so yummy. Lauren, what did you say about it when you tried the cocktail version? I had many cocktail versions at the launch party in New York, but like those were like just like a bartender making them.

This, I just poured tequila and the strawberry and it blends so well. Lauren goes, Alex, this is going to be the cocktail at my wedding. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to sponsor your wedding. I have my hydration sponsoring my wedding. I will stock you up, but no, I'm really excited. I think 2025 is going to be a great year. How do you feel about 2025?

ended 2024 making a really really hard decision to end my relationship Yeah, that I'm really proud of so I want to go into 2025 not settling and being really really fucking intentional and not getting antsy not getting impatient not Feeling like shit about myself and just taking my time and just Not settling. That's my I love that for you. That's mine

I love that for you so much. I also think personal wise for 2025, like I feel like Matt and I are in such a good place. And we always joke like we, you know, like we love working. We are so passionate about what we do. But I feel like we did a really good job in 2024, like being so intentional about the time that we spent together and that had nothing to do with work.

So I think I want to take into 2025 what we kind of like laid the groundwork of 2024 of like we can love working and we can be passionate but what really also matters to me is my relationship with my husband and I think I want to continue to be so intentional about the moments where we are offline and quiet and go and have good sex at a resort and enjoy our time together and

Yeah, I'm really excited. I'm excited for two. So Lauren and I are about to go to a bar. That's why Lauren was pre-gaming. I was like taking a break because my fucking throat was hurting. But now I'm going to start ramping it up. Let's have a little fucking tequila and unwell hydration. And I really hope, Daddy Gang, that you listen.

If you were someone that was at home by yourself on New Year's Eve, I have been there. I have cried in my bed and been like, this is the worst fucking New Year's Eve of my life. And a lot of times I feel like those nights are what leads you to the best fucking year yet, because there's nowhere to go but up. And I know it sounds depressing, but like I have fucking

been there through the trenches sobbing laying in my fucking childhood bed being like, I'm a loser. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing next. And it's only up from there. So if you're at a low right now, trust me when I say, bitch, this is your fucking year. Let's get it. If you were someone that had the best fucking time, I'm so happy for you that you have people around you that you're able to just enjoy your life with these people and keep investing in your friends. Don't center a man or whatever to your life.

make sure you're giving all of the energy to all of your relationships. I feel like that's another thing in 2025, like we've been so good about. You've been so intentional. I was even talking about you to like my Chicago friends. And I was just like, I really admire like, you've been so intentional with your relationships this past year. Well, I love you. And Lauren and I are going to go eat some burgers and get a little tipsy whipsy. So

We're at altitude, baby. Oh, yeah, I love you all. This is about to be the best fucking year yet, bitches. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.