If you got in front of your mirror and said, half of the shit you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my god, that is so right. Me? You would never. So that's why I'm getting in front of your mirror. Even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you get fired, anything, get in front of that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life.
want to be confident in the bedroom as well, right? On today's show, I'm joined by Serena Fuckingkeregan, the queen of confidence. She shares the power of confidence, intuition, and manifestation for shaping the course of your life. She talks about her passion for masturbation and what she's learned from virtually dating over 50 men and how to make the whoring twenties fun. Plus, we answer questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what.
Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Subscribe wherever you're listening. That really helps us. It just helps get the show out to more people and help everyone. People just like you. And you can find me at all social media, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Threads, X. It's all at sex with Emily.
My new articles, meet your new kink, footplay, and how to mess your cowgirl and reverse cowgirl are up on sexdelmy.com. Okay, real quick, before we get into the episode, are you looking for the perfect holiday gift that keeps on giving? And you don't have to wait for delivery or anything like that. My smart Sx membership community is perfect. It's your all access paths to exclusive workshops, live events, intimate conversations about sex, relationships, pleasure. This is your community. These are your people. We launched in September and spent an
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Okay, let's get real. When was the last time you thought about your vaginal health? I'm not talking about a quick wipe or splash of water. I mean, really caring for your vulva and vagina like you do the rest of your body. You've got serums for your face, vitamins for your hair, probiotics for your gut. But what about down there? Enter the Health Serum. And trust me, it's about to be your new nightly ritual. And here's why. The Health uses science-backed
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Today's guest is Serena Fucking Carrigan. She's created the first ever Instagram live reality show, Let's Fucking Date. The show streamed Serena's virtual blind dates to her audience of followers. What started as a way for a single 26-year-old to entertain her followers in quarantine was immediately dubbed by the today's show as quarantine's new must watch.
Hey, Serena, welcome to the show. Hi. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Serena fucking Carrigan. So I'm born and raised in New York City in February 2020. I quit my job and decided to really build my brand full time. And then a couple of weeks later, the pandemic hit. And I was alone in my apartment, isolated, but really fixated on the fact that I was single.
And my whole brand is I'm the queen of confidence and I saved a seat for you at my throne. My whole brand is about empowering women. And I was fixated on the fact that like I felt so alone and it really complicated my identity and my narrative of not meeting anyone.
but myself to be happy. So I started talking about this a lot on my Instagram, my content. I started going live every day drinking a bottle of wine in my couch because I had nothing else to do. And then I set out to normalize virtual dating. And I started dating men on Instagram live every Friday during the pandemic. And I dated a total of 50 men over the course of the year. I did three seasons, sold it out to sponsors, and I created two card games.
from the show, let's fucking date and let's fucking fuck. 50 men. That's like so many more men that you probably dated during the pandemic than most single people. Let's just say that. 100%. You know, I think like the main product of the show was to every date was blind. So I'd go on two dates every Friday.
And I did this on campus. I had a previous right old team that I like quickly hired because I feel like when we go on dating us, we have a really preconceived notion of who that person is. We stock their Instagram, we Google them, maybe a friend knows them, we heat their photo, they're wearing sunglasses, they're holding a fish on my fucking god now, right? Don't wear the sunglasses. We want to see your eyes. What the hell? We need to see it. So.
I felt like it was important to not have any idea of who was on the other side to really go in with this just open-mindedness and this curiosity. And granted, this was alive in the thousands of people in front of my parents, family, exes, you name it.
like commenting during the episode but what I what I loved about it was that like I really did go in with an open mind and I didn't know don't like the people say what's your type I know what it is now yeah I always see people like first of all I think your 20s are not for getting married I mean if people do that's amazing
but I think wait till your 30s do the dating figure out who you like. So I'm thinking 50 men, like what did you learn about? Who's Serena fucking Kerrigan wants to date? Who wants sleep? So much. You know, someone who's super ambitious like myself, great personality, great sense of humor, but drive is really important to me. Drive, yeah. And also like this cool factor, which I can't really quantify, but like I grew up like born and raised in New York City. My mom is an immigrant from Argentina. Like she's a TV producer now that had a development like,
Like I'm fucking well. So like I need some money, you know, but also major like some of the feedback I got from my producer and from pieces of people and so it's like you're very intense. You're very intimidating. And that was always something that I like was trying to shrink myself to appease what the man would feel comfortable with. And I realized over the course of the show, the main draw that 50 men came on my show. I mean, it was intimidating for them, right? Was the confidence.
was the fact that I was on apologetically myself and that I should not tone myself down. And the right guy will not be intimidated because he won't be insecure. Right. 50 dates. Any second dates? Yes. We had a villain season one. Season two, we had a really great guy from LA. And then season three, I, the last episode of the show, the winner, there's never been a winner.
Okay. Season one, I picked myself as the winner. Season two was like, whatever, like, because I don't settle and I'm not going to do the bachelor thing where I'm going to just like, they have them like, no, that's not me. Just like you said, not your, well, not with your 20s or four. And I really wanted to challenge that notion of like success in dating. Why does it always have to be marriage or this commitment? Like my parents got divorced when I was two, live a block away from each other by best friends. So that's success to me versus being romanticly together.
Right. And that was when I really was trying to show my audience. And then season three, I did decide to let the audience vote for a winner. And I actually ended up having feelings for the winner. What happened? Okay. She surprised me in New York and said like, we were supposed to go live like our last date and like there was a knock on my door at the start getting lose there.
Okay. And we spent the weekend hanging out together and he was like, this is the start of something amazing. And then I got to LA and I've never revealed this before, but I feel like I got to do it with you. Do it. He would not fuck me.
Why? Did you guys hook up when he was in New York? We made out, we held hands, like, you know, I have to say, I learned something recently, which is like paid so much attention to that first real date, not the virtual. Like, what are they saying? Because they're going to tell you so much. And I remember while I'm smelling so much tape, like, I have times passed that I feel like it's here.
I remember we did the show, and she wasn't like very touchy with me on camera, which is fine. Like, you just flip him out, whatever. And then we, the show ends, and then we go out to get a drink, and then we're walking back to my apartment and we're making out. And my lobby, and I was like, you know, he's not from here. He was his first time in New York. So I was like, come upstairs and I'll call you an Uber. And he was like, we're in my lobby. Like, we're not in bed, and I'm not saying he's close up. He's just like, I'm not gonna sleep with you.
And I was like, was he joking? Cause I've had guys go, don't have to think I'm going to sleep with you. Nope. Like very like, this isn't going to happen. And I was like, I wasn't going to sleep with you either. I was presumptuous. Right. And I remember like, I went home and you just had like the worst, like healing in my stomach, like something. That's the moment that that's not right intuition in the moment. That's the stuff we listen to, but we don't. We override it all the time.
You don't want to believe it at all. You're like, oh, what's that pesky feeling telling me? It's no. And I was like, you know, he wasn't from the United States. So maybe it was different culturally. He's younger than me. And also so valid that you don't want to sleep with someone in the first step, especially sex is whatever. But it just felt a little like I felt predatory.
Yeah, would he fool around? But he would like hook up and he wouldn't have sex. He's like, wouldn't, what do you mean he wouldn't fuck you? Like, did you stand there going like? Yes, like exactly like that. Naked. I'm naked and I'm gesturing towards my Volvo right now. That's a thrusting it, essentially, into thin air.
What part of this naked sexy woman is not your jam? And then what did he say? He said, I don't have a condom. Which like, that's what my prom date said. I was like, I flew all the way to Los Angeles, got a fucking nice ass hotel for you do not bring a condom when you know you're seeing me for the weekend. Like it just felt so like, okay.
And then it went to, and I said, I was like, you know, I'm on birth control. Like, I haven't had sex since forever because we're in a global pandemic. And like, I know I'm safe, but I can go downstairs and ask for the front guys for gone. I'm like, that's not like, not like a hurdle. It's such a problem. Right. And then it was, I don't want to get you from that. And I was like, with all due respect.
I don't want to be pregnant with your child. So immediately like barrier up and also like it's ironic because it's like I'm usually the one on the other side to the guy being like, no, I want to take these slow. So all of a sudden it was like, you can convince someone to want to have sex with you. Like it's gross to gross skinring and it makes you feel extremely unwanted.
And I felt very duped, to be honest. But I'm a very caring and understanding person, and I'm not supposed to pressure someone in that and sex with me. Right. From New York to LA, there was a lot of face times and texting and you send me flowers on my birthday. And it was, I thought this was fucking boyfriend, right? And then I just remember that feeling of like, all of a sudden that intimacy, we could never, that's the next album.
No. But he blocked me beyond and I was like, this isn't going anywhere. Yeah, it doesn't sound like a healthy person. Yeah. Right. Or not a healthy person, but not a great communicator. And that's what you learn. Confidence is so important. We'll get into your confidence platform. But what about what areas do you feel not confident? It's not that I'm insecure. It's that I get it. I have moments of insecurity. Does that make sense? Like I'm not an insecure person because
I see myself like my best friend. Like I really look at myself and I'm like, you are my best friend. Are there days that like the same way my past roommate like she comes in, she's kind of annoying me yes, but do I stop loving her? No. Are there things that I want her to improve? Yes, like myself. There's always ways to improve yourself.
I think that I grappled, you know, I became strain if I can care again the queen of confidence because this persona really helped me with the fact that like, I didn't feel like I had this body type that maybe was marketed towards us in the Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mary Kate Ellison era.
You know, I wasn't sick then. I had curves in Latina. And that was something that I really struggled with for a while. But, you know, the more that I just talked to myself, the nurture, that relationship with myself, like, I would say the things that I get insecure about are more career. Like, I believe that I should have, like, I'm destined to take over the world, but should have done it, like, yesterday. Like, everyone should know who I am because the message that I have is so important. So sometimes I get insecure. I'm like, why isn't this happening faster?
Hmm. And then as much as I know not to tone down my personality, I feel like I have to. Like when people, when if I go on a date with a guy and he doesn't know anything about the show or anything about who I am, and then he asked me what I do for a living, I say make hard games. Right. Because can a woman be successful?
and have as big as a personality or a million be fucking and a guy's going to be like, you're sure? Yeah, cool. Yeah, but let's say you meet someone out. I'm like, I don't want to get into the sex thing because immediately they're like, I'm a producer. That's what I say. I'm like, I produce, I work in media. What do you do? And then I bring it back because then the second you say sex, they're like, but I think that confidence can be like that as well. Like, oh, you're so confident or you know what I mean? I could feel like they could be super judgmental in that way.
Did you get that? Yeah, more about the fact that, like, I had a dating show. It's like, that's the thing, because it's like they get to, if they want to snoop, they can see me dating, but it's under this, it's like a television show, right? It's like it's a produced thing that I did. Right. So it's not, you know, and it's authentic and vulnerable as I tried to be on that show. Ultimately, it was entertainment. Right. But you're going on a date night. Tell me, how'd you meet them? How'd you meet this person?
I have to be fed up. The dating apps don't work for me. One of the prompts on my hinge is dating me as like, and I respond not like my Instagram, you can judge me, IRL, finally, but this is the thing. That's what people do. They make these assumptions on the apps, and that's why I don't think now, I think during the pandemic, they're great, right? Because I really wanted to normalize FaceTime dating and that you can still create connections online, which is true. I did create a lot of connections with the men in my show.
That being said, I want to meet people spontaneously organically. And I want my friends to vouch for me. And the number one thing I get from people is, like, soon is actually way more chill in real life. OK. Yeah, exactly. So I get that. I mean, there is a persona, you know, for sure, if you're doing content all the time. Also, I'm wondering with your confidence, like, how does it transfer into the bedroom?
Oh my, so I'm not only confident I'm in Aries, so I've been masturbating since I was as soon as I could like stand up, I guess. I'm an only child I had a lot of time on my hands, clearly, a lot of walls to stare at, and I literally masturbated so much as a child, like the point that like, you know, the teachers, like we're like, Serena's like literally humping chairs, surfaces, tables, like
and like do my little o-face when i'm like four years old like not giving the fuck like that has been who i am since very little and my parents are super liberal super open they're like listen we love this like get in touch with yourself but you literally cannot do it if you have to do it in your room but like i've always been very in touch with my sexuality and to answer your question like in high school
I was desperate for intimacy because if my own security is not feeling beautiful and wanted and whatever. So I thought that that then just happened sex with someone like that was that gave me that confidence. And it actually made me feel pretty empty because when you just have sex with someone that you don't have feelings for who doesn't care to get to know you beyond that, it's pretty pretty shitty. Yeah, it doesn't feel great. Yeah, it doesn't feel great. And I remember my psychiatrist in high school was like, you need to get to know a guy like with your clothes on first. And I was like, I don't really understand. I'm gonna have a short.
And so now, like, I keep a list. It's called groceries, obviously. And I have all of your guys left with. And like, it's interesting. Like, it literally every year just gets tinier and tinier. Like at the high school, it was like, that was my motive feeling confident. And since I really did gain confidence myself, now I'm very picky in terms of me being
In the bedroom, I'm a bad bitch in the bedroom. I'm just a sexual person, and I know that's not definable, but I watched tons of films growing up. I loved sex scenes. I was a horny kid. Sex in the city, I never felt more connected to a character than Sam Jones. In a nice book, I created a Twitter account called Sam Jones Daughter, and I would tweet like her. The fact that I'm 15, 16, and I'm that connected to Samantha Jones, I mean, that's insane.
It's confidence. I know I'm sexy. I get a lot of messages from women and girls being like, I'm scared. How do I be confident on top? I'm like, that's how I come. I better be on top. This motherfucker better. Which explains to me because I'm wanting to be full.
So you that's what you do when you say a bad bitch you're like get I'm getting on top you know how to have your orgasms I will always orgasm if the guy can like keep up you know like it's like when they like get all like Jack hammering switch positions I'm just like let's calm down here but yes I know exactly how to make myself orgasm it's literally because like I hum tables from like 98 like
Confidence is just how would you describe it? Yeah, like it's a it's a state of mind. It's just a state of it literally spills into every thousand of your life and that's why it's so unfortunate that like we live in this capitalist society that is predicated on us feeling insecure because when we were into here we buy shit.
by makeup, lay loss products, and women especially like it's just like thrown in our face. And we are born with confidence, but if you really begin to treat yourself like your best friend, like that same kindness, it's honestly, you don't always love your best friend. You can not like your best friend one day or disagree with them or think that they could have done something better. But regardless, you will never be nasty or demeaning to your best friend. You'll always try to make them feel better, whether they're getting ghosted, you'll be like, fuck that guy, like, right?
That kind of dialogue is something that I literally say to myself in front of my mirror. I mirrors everywhere. And that is really how you do it. And it will spill into everything. Because when you hear about a friend, if she came in and was like, I'm not feeling sexy, what would you say to her? You're like, yeah, you're not sexy. It sucks. You probably suck in bed too. No, you've never said that. You go, how do we get sexy tonight? Like, what should we do? Should we come in some lingerie, listen, Beyonce? So that kind of support you need to give to yourself. And it's exactly right. It's not about experience.
I think that that's a question I get a lot. I'm not experienced enough, so I'm not confident. It has nothing to do with that. Because I wasn't experienced in starting a business or a card game, but that doesn't stop me from doing a great job. It's about having the confidence to do it and believing that you will get the heck of it.
Right. What was your step said? And you said, like looking in the mirror and when those negative, because the limiting beliefs is part of the human condition, negative self talk. And I think, you know, the suffering, most of the suffering comes from our thoughts. I would say that in the, in the. And it's about verbalizing them because if you go in front of your mirror and said, half of the shit you're thinking about yourself, you'd like.
Oh my god, that is so right. Fuck me now. You would never. So that's why I'm like getting from your memory. Like even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you like, you know, get fired, anything getting from that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens. That's stuff number one. And this is something you have to do every day, every night, all the time. If I'm like walking by like, you know, anything with a reflective surface, it could be a water bottle.
You bet you're awesome. Winking, it's a puddle on the street. I'm winking up that girl, right? Because I would wink at you or say hi to you if you were, you know, on the street and I recognized you. So why aren't we giving that same attention and love and recognition to ourselves? One, two, you can never speak badly by yourself. The way that you speak about yourself is becomes who you are. So when I used to say I'm the queen of confidence and any press article from two years ago would have been like, straight a carrigan, the self-proclaimed queen of confidence.
Now you look me up. It's Serena Carrigan, the queen of confidence because I manifested that for myself that I literally people will just react to how you present. You really do write the script of your life. And so if you're like, I'm the baddest bitch in bed, you become the baddest bitch in bed. That's just how it is. So when I hear like my apartment, like my company, like no one is allowed to speak loudly about themselves, you can say a feeling because feelings go away their temporary. So do you teach them the difference between that saying like I'm feeling a little bit
We have bloated. I'm not feeling sexy, right? Feelings. Feelings go up for temporary. I'm feeling sad, right? You're not feeling sad. Yesterday. But when you say I am, that's it. Like, that's it. And I think it's so funny because growing up, I heard that phrase, like, sticks and guns may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I'm like, what were they smoking? Because words carry so much weight. I mean, like, we're storytellers. Like, that's what human beings are.
So the way we verbalize things and especially ourselves is how the world will see us because we decide. It's us. We are the baseline. Like there's one person that has been with you your entire life and guess what bitch? It's you. And that's it. So that is the one. Yeah, that's the one. That's true. So what is the difference between you when you were doing the dating show and then if I'm on a date with you? I'm there to make people entertained. We're not doing the usual like
You know, deep conversation. Like, I think I was trying to get them to talk about sex, talk about, you know, the worst sex they've ever had or like, you know, like when have they masturbated in public or like chill like that? Because that's what keeps people, you know, entertained, but that's not me on a date. So you're not going to talk about when do you talk about sex with someone that you're dating? I'm so open about sex. That's why I knew I was going to love you.
It just bothers me how puritanical this country is and how we're supposed to feel so ashamed. And I found a journal entry from when I was 12 years old. Was it 12 years old? And I gave it that hand job for the first time.
And the guy told everyone, like he was my best friend at the time that I had feelings for. I said, please don't tell anyone. I'm not going to school tomorrow, but of course he told everyone. Principles found out. They called my parents. My mom literally looks and she goes, just use a condom. Last, love her. But I remember writing in my diary and I have it. It's incredible that I wrote this at 12 years old. But I literally said, I don't understand why everyone is calling him a pimp.
in a good way and me a slut in a bad way. Right. Like that, like noticing that double standard when I'm so young. So young. The first exceptional experience from anyone in my grade, I noticed immediately I was being treated very, very, very differently. And so I feel like it's kind of my duty, like I'm sure maybe you feel too, to normalize it. It should be so normal. It should be like what the fuck?
Yeah. What's bad set? Like, what's a scenario where, yeah, where you're with somebody and you're like, the jackhammer move? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. Whoa. We've been over so anti-jackhammer.
Because they don't know because of porn and that's what they show, you know. Oh, also the making out for three seconds and just sticking it in. Do you say no? Are you like, stop? I mean, I obviously do and hopefully they've listened to my show so I don't have to deal with that. Where's they say no? I say, first of all, where's the fucking condom? Like, whoa. And like, it's just so elementary. Like, it's just like, are you a kid? Like, what, like, what? Yeah, people don't know.
because they watch porn and that's what happens in porn and like a lot of porn. That's where it happens. Correct. So I think like, you know, just I grew up screaming penis, penis thing, the penis game. Like one more vagina talk to that. Like when we were masturbation wasn't talked about. I love that your parents didn't shame you. I think this is probably part of it being confident that you don't have those issues. Like what I'm talking to people about all day long.
And like I would like haunt my coffee table and my mom would be like doing her work and I'd like, like, like, like, how do you masturbate now? I have vibrators, you know, I'm not gonna lie, like, I still like furniture. Like I'm sorry, I grew up that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So pillows, furniture, people, no, people. Like I love a table, like, yeah. How do you do it on a table? I'm serious, it's hard. It's like... You're gonna normalize this because you're not the only one. That's what I'm saying. People are like, I have a pillow. It's like this.
So it's the corner of the table. It's the corner of the table. And people are like, hmm, that hurts. And I'm like, it literally, like, it hits your clip, like, right? It's just a really good pressure point.
Well, I'm just revealing so much, but you're like, I'm like, why is it, why is it a big deal? It's internalized misogyny. This is it. I know. This is it. Break it out. It's killing me, but it's like every one of my fans is like, what vibrator do you use? And I'm like, um, like I have them here. I just. You got your thing. I grew up pumping tables. So why would I stop? Yeah, you just go to a key or something or maybe restoration hardware, right?
Oh my god. It would be my habit. And honestly, like when I was like, just moved into this apartment and my interior designer was like, I'm thinking a round table for, and I was like, Oh, round it. We don't do round tables here. Corners only, bitch. We'll be right back after a short break. But first, I have to tell you about something that seriously boosted my confidence lately.
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You're going to love them. If you're 21 and over, now is the time to try Viya. Head to Viyahemp.com Use code Emily for 15% off. That's V-I-I-A-H-E-M-P.com Use code Emily for 15% off at checkout or click the link in the show notes. Stick around. I'll be back.
So you call it your hooring twenties or we're all going into the hooring twenties? Let me just like paint a photo for you, like a paint a picture. Last Wednesday, I threw a party called the Hooring twenties, then like out all night, best night ever, like on a Wednesday, like no one could hard as on a Wednesday, people are party. Thursday, I take an ice cream truck, like literally I'm riding an ice cream truck to Marquis to see Chasto.
Okay. I want to do a bathroom. Fun. I meet a girl there. She brings me to her table. I ended up going home with a guy. No, not sleeping with him. Okay. No judgment. No, no judgment. But I do like there's some degree where I do want to know there needs to be like more like we want the emotional connection sometimes. Are you a good guy? Are you someone that I actually want to be with? Am I really drunk and making this decision right now based on that? Correct.
Then the next night, I would bunch of friends, make out with someone on the street, literally don't care. Making out is like, well, really, no one are honestly like, have the sniffles, but whatever it's like. And then it's post COVID baby. And then Friday went to a lava, which is like a club end in high school to see DJ Paulie D. Like, then I hooked up with the guy, made out with the guy that night.
Walk me through you hooking up with these guys. Do you go up to them and you're like, I'm Serena fucking Kerrigan, we're making like, how do you, how do you do that? How do you go up and just start making out? Now I don't, I don't go up to these guys. I don't make the first prizes don't chase winners. So. So they come up to you.
Yes, I'm telling you confidence is so fucking crazy. Tell me let's get into this. I think there's something about approachability like I'm smiling like I'm one of the most positive people I know I'm the girl that's going to guarantee me happy not to say I don't have my downbones but like when I'm in a party environment like I'm smiling I'm very social outgoing and I think that
because they're feeling insecure maybe and guarded. They reject before they can get rejected. So they reject the environment. They're like, this is like so like, right? Because they're afraid that if they were like smiley, that's one would be like, before you get out of here. Which probably doesn't work. That's not how it works. Like if you were smiling, you're only the best fucking time and you're just dancing because you want to dance and you can shit about what anyone else is doing.
people just become obsessed and people like aren't obsessed with me. It's true. I'm not even apologizing because I'm there to have fun for me. I'm not there. If you're not having fun, right? Have fun wherever you go, right? When you show up there, like be in the moment, be present.
that pee when I hear like, get all these questions and we're like, how do I get a boyfriend? Like, how do I get a guy to notice me? See, that's the thing. It's like, you're going in with this objective to get validation from externally when your value should come from within. You should be noticing you. How much money are you having? Are you with your friends? Like, are you feeling good in your skin and what you're wearing? Like, that is all that that's going to be happiness comes from within from you. But more importantly, beauty comes from within. That's what my mouth always told me.
He said, the most beautiful person, if they're not happy with themselves, and then as a result, they're not funding out with. They're negative, they're nasty, they put others down, they're cocky, but they're really insecure. They're not that beautiful. I have a very low tolerance for women that are very insecure. I just don't want to be around it because it just
sucks the life out of everything. It really does. Like, it's like they just are like, I'm sorry for like, I just like, I shouldn't have said that. Like, oh my God, that girl's over there. Like, whoa, dude. Like, when you are happy with yourself, you're just happy with everyone else and you want everyone else to be happy.
But if you're not having with yourself, you're going to fucking tear them down to lift yourself up. That's what you're about. Right. Exactly. So where do you start? If people are listening, they say, well, I wish I could, you know, I want to be happier. But if I only lose 10 pounds or if I get this job, I get the guy. So how do you, what would you, where would you start with people?
look at yourself, a king mirror, and tell your best friend that you love her. And the other day, someone DM me being like, I'm scared. I'm like, you're scared? You're scared to look in the mirror? You don't waste care of your shit. Taking the SAT so scary, having a baby is scary. Go on this podcast. No, it's not really scary. But there's so many things that are so scary and
The fact that you can't confront your own image of this consistency and you're like the only one that's guaranteed to be with you through your whole life, that is very problematic. And that is something that you need to just work right through. There's a lot of things that we don't want to do in life. I don't want to do any taxes. Like I don't sometimes want to suck dick, but like we do it and we do with smile. So you're going to do it.
Well, it's funny, when you're talking to people looking in the mirror, you could say, why you're there, you should just kind of move the mirror down and take a look at your between. I love it. So it's like, I know, I love that. Well, you do the work, please, when you're talking to them, because that's what I'm saying all the time, they won't, they won't look at their face. Now I don't feel as bad that they were like, I can't look at my well, but they're not even look at their face. They won't even talk to themselves in the mirror. We got a lot of work to do here, Serena.
I've heard like comments from like younger men, like I'm talking like 24 25 being like commenting on vaginas the way they look and like so vagina shaming to me the shaming. I don't know if I have a pretty objective. I don't know. But I love that practice of like you say when you look your face and say you love the body to do it.
I'm spreading my life after this. See, this is good. This is great. I love this arena. But I think it's that and really being as disciplined with that. And I've had 150 clients, confidence coach.
ranging from 14 to 60. And the women that it was the majority of women that really did this became confident and happy and really whoa. And it sticks. And it sticks. They stick. That's awesome. And we're moving. You can never see Valley by yourself. The feeling, not like the being, you know, like you can say, you feel whatever, feelings go away, but you can, you just can't, you have to, you can't.
So we got a few questions on Instagram. So someone says, how can I not feel awkward after hooking up with someone for the first time? Like, like in the morning? Yeah, she's like, yeah, how can I feel awkward? She probably woke up in the morning, felt awkward.
I think the question is, what is making you feel awkward? What is awkward about sex? Personally, this is what I do. When I wake up in the morning, I don't look like this. I don't look like this when I wake up in the morning. I'm like a chameleon. I just don't look a little more different. Not that, just different.
I get very insecure about my breath and just like my drool and my like that. So I, this is so funny. I haven't shared this either, but like I wake up and I'm like, I got to go to the bathroom. Like I just got to like get there and like die. Like it takes me a minute to get comfortable to like wiggle on out.
But when I do, like that is kind of my way of like not feeling like getting rid of that awkwardness in the morning, maybe like after you got like you kiss, like go to that and find that Listerine. And if you find to face, you can go like this. It just makes me feel more confident, right? Wash your face, brush your hair if you can find one. I don't know what three and one shampoo that guy has, but whatever. That's what makes me feel better. And then there's the kind of like that break already where it's like, okay, that was at that. And then you can see from there.
And then you can even go in the mirror and talk to yourself. You're like, I'm fucking awesome. He's lucky. You don't got to fuck me. What helps you feel sexy when you do feel down? How do you feel sexy?
I mean, to be honest with you, I believe fully in getting out that outfit or lingerie, or getting dressed up to go see your friends going out, putting on that outfit for me to feel really good, blasting Beyonce, throwing on lipstick, and dancing in front of your mirror, and just being the hottest bitch at the club. But look at me. That's really what does lift me up, and what really did.
for a while. Like I had videos with me in college like doing that. So yeah, no, it's true. Yeah, proud music. Touch yourself. Get to know yourself. Masterbait brings circulate the sexual energy. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Masterbait is like a like a happens all the time. So like, yes. Masterbait is for maybe that's why also it helps you because I just I'm such on the masturbation. But I'm always telling people that the more you masturbate, the better you're going to feel sex.
fact, like into sex is just like, I know what I like. Yeah, you go to the club, you're you've just masturbated, like you're feeling in your power, you're circulating that energy for a lot of people, they're waiting for their partners to give an orgasm. It's like, give yourself the own orgasm. Yeah, we're speaking the same language here. Serena, thank you so much for being here. Serena fucking Kerrigan. I'm going to ask you the five quick questions we ask all of our guests.
Okay, here we go. Okay. What is your biggest turn on? My biggest turn on. I love like a backward space, all cap or like calves or arms or like a big dick. I don't like you big though. I'm like whispers in the ear. Wow. I'm getting a warning. Does that happen on your podcast? Yes. All the time. What's your biggest turn off? Turn off Trump. What makes good sex? Communication. What would you tell your younger self about sex and relationships? Came after reading, bitch.
What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? That it's the least shameful thing ever and it is the one fucking reason we're on the planet is to fuck.
Thanks, Serena. Serena Fucking Carrigan. How can people find you? Serena Carrigan on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it. And let's fucking date. If you want to buy my card game, let's fucking pop. Congratulations on all of that. We'll also put this in the show notes. A link to all of your materials and your information. Thank you so much for Serena for being here. I had so much fun, really so much. Such a good time. Good luck.
That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to sex with Emily, and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast, and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X, and Facebook. It's all at
sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on sex with Emily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or just go to sex with Emily.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email feedback at sexwithemily.com.
