Help! My Boyfriend’s Mom Hates Me!
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January 27, 2025
TLDR: Writer confronts relationship trouble due to issues with boyfriend's mom, seeking advice on resolution.

In this engaging episode of Unsolicited Advice, hosts Ashley and Taryn dive into the complex and awkward dynamics that can arise when a romantic partner's parents, particularly mothers, are not on board with the relationship. This week, they tackle a listener's dilemma regarding her boyfriend's mother, who seems to harbor a strong dislike for her, creating a tumultuous atmosphere in their romance.
The Problem at Hand
- Conflict with the Boyfriend’s Mom: The episode opens with a discussion about a listener who experiences red flags from her boyfriend's mother. Initially liking her, the listener’s feelings have drastically changed due to the mother’s concerning behavior.
- Uncomfortable Comments: The mom makes inappropriate comments, suggesting that the listener is merely using her son for casual encounters—an assertion that leaves the listener feeling exceptionally uncomfortable.
- Boundary Issues: Another shocking aspect discussed is the mother’s tendency to kiss her son on the lips, which intensifies the listener’s discomfort as it obliterates normal boundaries between mother and adult son.
Navigating Strong Feelings
- Emotional Impact: Ashley and Taryn resonate with the listener’s turmoil, acknowledging how undermining comments could impact anyone’s self-esteem and feeling of security in a relationship.
- Understanding the Dynamics: They explore the phenomenon of mothers who refuse to let go emotionally or materially when their sons begin a romantic relationship, leading to adverse effects on the new couple.
Suggestions for the Listener
- Open Up to Your Partner: Ashley advises the listener to have a candid conversation with her boyfriend about how his mother's actions make her feel and establish clear boundaries.
- Identifying the Source of Mom’s Behavior: Taryn suggests investigating potential insecurities the mother might face, possibly stemming from not having a partner herself.
- Setting Boundaries: The hosts emphasize the need for the boyfriend to communicate to his mother that certain behaviors, such as the kisses, are inappropriate and must cease.
- A Conversation with Mom: If feasible, the listener could also talk to her boyfriend’s mother directly, explaining her feelings in a respectful manner to facilitate better understanding.
Reflections and Personal Stories of Ashley and Taryn
- Cultural Differences: They acknowledge that in some cultures, kissing parents may be normal but express incredulity at the notion of kissing an adult son on the lips regularly.
- Personal Anecdotes: Both hosts share personal experiences when confronted with intrusive family members and give insight into how they managed to navigate those uncomfortable situations.
Conclusion
In the end, Ashley and Taryn remind the audience that open and honest communication is critical in any relationship. They encourage the listener to advocate for herself while also being mindful of her partner's family dynamics. This episode not only delivers sound advice but also offers a relatable glimpse into the hurdles many face in romantic relationships, particularly regarding family dynamics.
Key Takeaways:
- Communication is Key: Honest discussions with your partner about family dynamics can help establish boundaries.
- Recognize Red Flags: Inappropriate comments and behaviors from family members should not be ignored.
- Empathy and Understanding: Consider the emotional challenges the mother might be facing, and address them with kindness.
Listen to this episode for more detailed insights into dealing with complex family dynamics, especially when it comes to love and relationships.
This summary encompasses the vital aspects of the episode while providing engaging insights and practical advice for listeners facing similar issues.
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What's up, UA fam, Ashley here, and if you love this podcast and you actually find yourself re-listening to episodes and wanting more of Taren and I, guess what? You should subscribe to our supercast where we give you bonus content every single week. But not just basic episodes, we do interactive episodes, like personalized AMAs where you can specifically ask Taren how her dating life is going and you can specifically ask me how it's been living with my boyfriend this past few months.
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Fartid. Did you hear it? Not farted. Taryn, don't start the episode like that. We will never agree on this. Unnatural thing. But why not? Hello. Why start it with like that?
Welcome I guess one time I sent Ashley this like science article that came out because she'll hold it in till Death do her part. Okay, are we talking about this? I don't know and I sent her this like study that was done that if you hold it in it basically like I don't know what happens in your body But it like soaks it in and basically like it comes out of like your breath
So I was like, Ashley, for the love of God, let it out. Anyways.
I don't even know how to bounce back from that. You're setting both of us up for failure. This intro was horrible. I'm thriving. No, this is bad. This is bad. Hi, guys. Welcome to, I'm supposed to advise where you have two people who are very different. Shaking my head. You know what it is? You know what it is. You grew up with sisters. You always make it sound like this, but I know plenty of guys that don't like to talk about this kind of stuff.
The name five, you don't know them. I'm not saying like that guys talk about it all the time, but I don't talk about it all the time. You do. Like this podcast. Ashley Nicole, if we, if we went back, you've brought more bathroom stories because of tearing it up. Then I just like randomly say it. That's not me. The people are sending them in. I said brain fart.
Then it was fart. And then you went all weird. You went into this whole thing. No, you didn't have to do anything. You chose to because you enjoy it. The girls mommies are fighting. Girls, go play in the corner. This is what happens when I don't come prepared with an opening. Oh, okay. It's just a free for all. Well, how you been, Taryn?
Good. Do you think Chuk's going to get banned? Yeah. I was talking to someone. My girlfriend is visiting me. She does not think it's going to happen. I think it's going to happen. And I think it might come back in like a month. But like, I do think it's going to happen. And I'm like, what do we, how do we prepare? Like,
What precautions do we take? Are we shifting platforms? Is there going to be a brand new platform to replace TikTok? Or is it just going to come back under new management? Like, yeah, I don't know. I'm like over here, like, I don't know what to do. I kind of stopped posting because I was like, what's the point?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do, just from the little things I've heard, it does sound like it's like, at first, when this first came about, I was like, oh yeah, they're gonna delete it. But now that it's gotten closer, I'm a little bit like, I did see this one girl did this like...
explanation where she was she was like it's not like you're going to wake up the next day and it's just off of your phone right like you'll still have the app and it'll still have all your stuff but she says that tick tock because of how big of a platform it is and all the content releases updates like
like a crazy amount, like twice a day or something. It's like fixing bugs is like protecting from this and this, like making it. So it says basically like all updates, all maintenance will stop. So it'll get to a point where it's unusable because you can't like it won't load, like it'll glitch out like our Apple products.
pretty much. It'll timeout after a certain point. Yeah, so that's what I saw take on that. And apparently there's ways to like download the data that is on your app. So like it'll save your videos, your liked videos, all that stuff. Okay, that's a good way to take precaution. Yeah, but I don't know. Honestly, I'm like torn with how I feel because I'm a little bit excited to not
I was going to say, the only plus that could come from this is me not wasting time scrolling because the way that thing sucks me in is just.
but the things I've learned. So much knowledge. The amount of things I've saved that someday I'm gonna do. Oh my God, just the pure joy of the funny videos out there. It was very much, it was the vine. It was the vine that like brought me joy. And so I don't know how I feel about it. I'm just like, this is so weird and this is coming up soon. And also, yeah, I think it has felt like it's like not real. And so then now that it's like actually getting close, it's like,
I'm more just curious what's going to happen. Wait, when is it happening? 18th. So by the time you're doing this.
We'll see, we'll see. Hopefully, well, maybe we can post to download your stuff. We have a bigger Instagram following in general, us individually and us as a podcast. So I feel like we'll be chilling. We'll be chilling. I am doing our insta. So we'll see. What? I am sad about it. No, we'll see what happens. But yeah. So as you know, I've been dating someone
And he has to travel for work. And I am slightly impressed. And that's my update. It sounded like you said slightly oppressed. Oh, depressed, depressed, depressed. I am such a lover girl. I am such a like contact person. And so even though it's like for a shorter amount of time, like it's not forever, I'm just like very nervous.
Luckily, I mean, we have good communication. He won't be too far, so we're planning on traveling back and forth. But I just don't like the fact that I can't just drive over and see it. I love that you're the one who's ending up in a long-distance relationship.
I would rather die. No, I'm pretty sure you've said you could never do one before on the podcast. Never. So this is good because in so many ways, my relationship with Jackson has forced me to be different and grow and change. And it looks like your relationship is going to help you to grow and change. This is good. I'm telling you though, like, I definitely couldn't do a, like,
how long is it gonna be like it's undetermined? Like I could not do that. I think the only reason I'm like, okay, is because he's not gonna be that far and it's only for like a chunk of months, but I just don't like it. But I don't like it. I think it has a fun, exciting like new chapter of like, think about, here's how, here's what I would do.
If you're going to see him, let's say once a month. Let's say once a month. When you see him, it's going to be so much fun. You guys are going to be going out, getting drinks, going to dinners. It's going to be all this anticipation leading up to these few days that you get to be together. How fun. I followed this girl on TikTok whose husband traveled or whose boyfriend traveled for work. And she would see him once a month. Every two weeks, he would come to her. And then the other two weeks, she would go to him.
And it was like so cute the way she was like, for like a week, I would just be like a little like mole rat living in my apartment. And then the week bleeding up to me seeing him, I'd be like Pilates every day, smoothies only.
I would be getting my hair gloss. Shaving my legs. I would be like, rapsing. I would be doing everything and I would be perfect when I'd see him. And she was like, it was like this funny like transformation every time she'd go before and after. And it was just, it was, I remember thinking like, oh, that's fun to like have something to look forward to. And it's going to make him miss you even more. I guess. Missing is key. Missing is a big deal. I'm so sad. It's going to be fine. Because right now, like we've only gone like,
I think the longest we've gone without seeing each other is like three or four days. Yeah. And you get to travel. That'll be fun. Yeah, no, that'll be fun. But I told him I was like, look, bro, you're going to have to put a ring on it. So I have an excuse to just like be a koala and follow you around everywhere because you can't leave again. I will not handle it. Well, if you did put a ring on it, would you follow him around everywhere?
With stipulations of coming back, it would basically be like, I would have to be back here every two weeks. Because I don't think I could follow someone around everywhere, unless I had something else I was doing. Well, yeah, I mean, the thing is, is obviously the podcast with my job here, I would just go on a different type of schedule. And then my family, I'd have to see frequently. So I would have to be able to have the means.
to travel home frequently. But I could only do it for short chapters. I couldn't be like, oh, I'm just going to move somewhere. If that makes sense. Also, I'm at a point in my life. I've lived life.
I've traveled, I've worked, I've done lots of things. For me, being in a relationship is something I've wanted for so long and it's something that I do want to prioritize. So I feel like I'm at a place where I would be cool.
Having an adventure with someone that I'm like building something absolutely you've been living in the same place for sure 36 years So I I feel like I'm in a different mentality now to where before I'd be like, oh, I can never do that. Oh, yeah Now I'm like I'd be cool with it. Yeah, I I Find ways to like make a new normal. Yeah, but with it being like a there's a
There's a limit to it because like I have to be here eventually a long term. And do your own thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I would have. I'd be like, I need to. I need my own. I'm just such a routine person and obviously I can do that literally anywhere with the job that I have. But like if I, I would have to copy, paste like my workout classes. Yeah. I would have to copy, paste like my Monday recordings, like even if they're virtual, like I'd have to, I would need my own like routine. If I'm just following someone around, I think I'd lose my mind.
No, for sure. And that's what I'm saying. Like I have enough, I'm established enough as a person and I have things that I'm involved with no matter where I would be. So I don't think it would, I would feel like trapped or like whatever. These are all very hypothetical. But- You have to put a ring on it first.
Yeah. Yeah, so that's my latest. I'm trying to figure that out and not cry every time I see him because he's always like, no, not be like, I'm fine. I was like, just the tears are like streaming down my face. Like, that's what you get when you date an emotional person.
What can I say? Tears. I'm a lover. That's hilarious. Yeah. You should just tell them to just stock up on tissues. No, literally. I was like looking at a shirt last night and I was like, sorry. Because they're just like, all these are just like teardrops. He's not dying. He's leaving me though. But also in my defense, this was something I knew was coming. Yeah. But in my mind, I still had so much time. And then it was like, yesterday was the first time I was like,
Oh my gosh, it's like, wait, this is happening. So it was just a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, it hit me. I didn't like sob, but I was laughing too while I was crying. But I remember when Jackson moved out of his Venice house, I was more sad than he was. I didn't cry, but I was like,
This is where we fell in love. And he was like, we got to go. And I was just like, but Jackson, don't you want to sit here and look at your space? And he was like, not really. He's like, I'm good. Men are so different. It was completely different. He was so unattached to me. And I was just like, but don't you want to go pick a lemon one last time from your tree? Should we walk?
like one last time in the neighborhood. And he was like, we need to go. He's like, let's go. I'm like, I'm hungry. I'm just trying to help you like process this moment. He does not care. I know. So yeah, that's my latest. Everybody pray for me. I'm sure I'll be fine. And I'm sure it'll be like, it'll be an adventure. And now I'll just, you know, have more time to focus. Maybe I'll get ripped. Oh, perfect. Oh, how 75 medium going? Oh, it's good.
You know what, I will say, I came back from Aspen, so excited to hit it hard. The next day the fires happened. And I was just like, I've been feeling like such a potato, like such a potato. And it's just, it's been, the New Year's goals are not happening. My reading goal is going good, but like, you know, with toxic air, like, how are you supposed to go do your workouts? So like,
It's been weird. It's a weird time. I mean, obviously, I'm farther, so it's like, I don't really have too much. The air quality hasn't been amazing, but- Let's give you an excuse, turn. Thanks, girl. But I need to take responsibility. In my defense, there was just one day that I don't know what happened, but I just forgot I was doing it. So the next day I woke up and I was like,
I didn't work out, I didn't read, but it was like, I think it was more of like an ADHD moment versus like, I don't wanna do this. So it's been- Or subconsciously you were like, I'm just gonna- I'm gonna be like ADHD today. So it hasn't been going good. I feel good, cause I've been like drinking water and like just moving my body and
And it feels good to be like, oh, I'm trying to be disciplined about stuff. But I'm not going to lie and say I haven't messed up because there was a day. It just took only a K. Yeah, it happens to the best of us. So I don't think I could be doing 75 hard.
Oh, she was my issue with 75 card and I love the concept. I love everything about it except the outdoor workout. Yeah. Not everyone can fit in an outdoor workout. I'm sorry to work out twice a day, especially as a woman like.
I don't feel safe walking alone. Like I really don't. It's I feel safe in certain neighborhoods. So like I'll drive to my parents neighborhood and I love their neighborhood for walking because it's like really hilly and like feels really safe. But I don't like there's a walking trail by me. I don't like going there alone. Like I don't feel safe. So I feel like working out outside. It sounds good in theory, but unless you're somewhere where you can safely walk alone. Yeah.
And then most of the time, I don't have time till it's like late. So then I'm screwed. It's realistically, you'd have to do a morning and afternoon workout, but not everyone. You'd have to like wait till you get off work. Yeah. And then it's dark and outside in the cold in the winter. So we've had- The week's hard is for summer. Yeah. That's what I'm complaining about our winter. I know. Well, it's chilly. Are those 60 degrees? Okay. It's chilly. All right.
That's my update. I'm fine. I'm thriving still. Everything's good, but I'm going to be a little emo. We love that you're thriving and the emo phase will pass. Thanks. How are you? I'm good. Nothing new to report. Nothing new.
Legit, guys. Thought I was getting proposed to an Aspen. Legit, there is no ring on my hand. I legitimately thought it was happening because I'm going to tell you two things that happened. One.
The Aspen trip was so out of nowhere, was not the plan. And he just threw it at me. And I was like, okay. No, every where you looked, that whole trip was a beautiful photo. A beautiful winter wonderland. Oh, and you said you did that photo shoot. And then here's the thing. I was like, oh, maybe he's going to propose this feels out of nowhere because it was like at the last second we decided to go. Then for my Christmas present, he got me a photo shoot with his friend.
And I was like- Which is so not him. I was like, one, Jackson hates taking photos. It's a whole long story, but he's not a social media person also. And he got a photo shoot for me and him. And I was like, this is crazy because I think I'm getting proposed to him. So because if he's gonna turn around like, if he's gonna do like a cute little photo shoot, it makes sense that he would want one of his best friends doing it because he feels super comfortable with him. So I was just like,
Got nude nails, like I literally did the whole thing, no ring on my finger. And now I'm looking back and I'm like, he's either messing with me.
and playing, trying to get in my head, because he thinks I'm figuring it out, or none of that meant anything. But looking back, I'm like, no, why would you do all of these things when you know we're currently talking about getting engaged? Maybe it is a part of his long game, though. It could be. I know. I was me and Ash were talking, because obviously, this is what girls do. Like, it's just brainstorming, like, is happening. And then at the end of the conversation, I was like, OK, but Ash,
Maybe just assume it's not, because then it sucks, because I know when girls are around that period of time where they're like, I could be engaged to any second. Every day, every dinner, they're like, oh my god, it's happening. And then you're pissed off at this person or disappointed every time it does it. Not pissed off. I knew anything.
What an excellent time. I'm literally like, I even kind of thought it might have happened when we went to Hawaii last summer. I was like, this is insane. Like the way it hasn't happened yet. But then also like we're having all these conversations that are.
It's like it could happen any day. So it was just one of those really funny things where so many of my girlfriends messaged me and was like legit thought you were getting engaged this trip. And I was like, me too. I know. I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't text you because I was like, I don't want, I was like, maybe she's in a good headspace and like not thinking about it. Yeah.
I texted Alicia and I was like, is Ash thinking like, for sure this is gonna happen? And like, do you know anything? Cause I was like, I'm me too, watching. But she was like, I feel like she's good cause like she, she was like, well, maybe it's not like, I don't know, like trying to like kind of bring yourself in a good neutral zone. But trying to act chill cause we're like opening Christmas presents with a family. And when he said he got me a photo shoot, I looked at Alicia quickly and I was like,
And I like that. Yeah, I know. Still, still not. But girl, we know it's coming. But it was just, it was one of those things where I was like, this is crazy. I also had another girlfriend whose boyfriend took her to the Maldives.
They did a photo shoot and he told her to have white nails. Okay, that's just rude. And he didn't propose. That's just rude. And so me and her, I, because I messaged her and I was like, that trip looked insane. Are you engaged? And she was like, no, but I legit thought I was. And I was like, I thought I was getting proposed to an Aspen. And she was like, I thought you were too. And then we were like comparing notes. And I was like, these men are crazy.
You can't like give a photo shoot after you've had all of these conversations about. But if you think about it, it's the one thing the man gets. Yeah. So maybe he's just like being extra because he's like, I want to throw her off her game and like really surprise her. And then like the more that I think about I was talking with Alicia about it, he's such a private person. I don't think he'd want that many people there, even though like I might want people there.
I could see him running like it. So I don't know. But I've decided I'm not going to try to figure it out anymore. No. My rule that I'm going to stick to is I'm going to make sure my nails look good at all times. I'm going to make sure my hair looks good at all times. Which it does anyways. I get some more Botox and
That's a lot of room. Load up the injections, do what you gotta do. Other than that. Dude, it's so funny that it's a rust because ashes like, I feel like you're just in that hard place where it's like, you know it's happening, but you're so antsy for it. But I also don't want to know. I want to be surprised. Exactly. I want to be surprised. But then also on like, I think it's what it happens.
The other day, I was like, oh my gosh, I was going to tell her something. The way she was like, I swear to God if you weren't gay. She freaked out. She was like, if you're going to make him a party, you started saying he better put a ring on it when he hadn't made it officially yet. And I was like, sloped down. She's like, I can die guys. I'm like, sloped down. Oh my God.
I was dying though, because she was just like this voice rose out of her. She's like, oh, this is what I got of you. I was like, no, I need you to help me make sure this happens now. No, I literally told, who's I talking to? I think I was talking to Vanessa. I was like, I so bad wanted to just like buy like a wedding ring from Amazon and just FaceTime you like just to like
watch your, watch your face go through all of the emotions of like, I'd be like, so excited, then upset, then angry. And then I'd be like, wait, Ashley, it's not about you. And then I'd be like, congratulations. Your face would be like, just frozen for a second as you're like, it'd be so weird to be like so genuinely happy for you. And then also just be like, yeah, not you kill him.
kill him. Anyways, I digress the system about me. So I do think it's really funny now looking back and I've had this conversation with so many girlfriends now where everyone thought the same thing and I'm like, it's so funny how like I bet he either is like fully aware and is trying to play with games with me or like it didn't even cross his mind and I'm over here scheming and getting my nails done and it was it was pretty funny. Yeah, it'll be funny silly.
It'll be funny once he proposes for you guys just to have that time where you're talking, where he's like, remember that one time you said this. Well, actually, I was on my way to get the ring and you kept bugging me, but I couldn't say what. I'm literally going to be like, remember that time you bought me a trip to Hawaii and told me to dress nice for a couple dinners? You can't do that. You bought me a photo shoot and asked him with your best friend who's a professional photographer.
I'm just silly. It'll be so funny. It's gonna be perfect when it happens. Anyways. Do you have me? Turn it up for us. I sure do. And I'm actually really excited about this one. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm not going to say the title because...
It gives away the punchline, but let's dive into it. Hey, ladies. Hey. I have been a longtime listener and follower since Alicia and Ashley started their YouTube channels. I wanted to wait to send in a story until I had a good one. And this embarrassing story still makes my friends laugh. I would like to say anonymous because this still haunts me to this day, but you guys can know it. It's.
Anyway, I'm a freshman in college and this story takes place in my first semester last fall. I think she wrote this like from her phone slash really quickly. There's a lot of spelling here. So if I said her, that's what's going on. I never really partied in high school. So I didn't bring many going out tops to college. One weekend there was a frat hosting a pink party, which I think is just like dress everything pink. I would say sure.
that my friends wanted to go to. I didn't have anything pink to wear, so I ended up borrowing my roommate's top. It was a pink and yellow floral strapless top from Sheehan. And then I wore a sticky bra underneath, thankfully.
So that night we all got ready and went to the pregame at my friend's apartment. I drank a bit more than I should have, but we were all having so much fun with our friends. One of my friends, we can call him Tim, had invited his old school friend. We will call him John. It was my first time meeting this guy, but we hit it off and he was pretty flirty with me all night.
After a while, we headed to the pink frat. As most frats are, it was dead. So we left and somehow made our way to a tiki-themed frat bar, frat party, sorry, a few blocks away. Now this frat party was packed.
and was actually playing really good music. So we decided to stay. I was still attached to the hip with John. We walked around and ended up finding our friends on the dance floor. We found him and some of our other friends and all started dancing together. It was packed and it was hot. I'm having an absolute blast. And then Tim starts to gesture at me to look at my top. I was too drunk and it was too loud and I was having so much fun that I didn't really pick up on his subtle gesture.
I turn to my best friend next to dance with her and she goes, oh my God, your top. And starts laughing while telling me to pull it up. So I'm standing there.
And it turns out all I have on is my sticky bra. And my top was completely just around her waist like a belt. Dude, this is my alcohol is so scary because like, how do you not feel that? Because it's hot. Yeah. It's hot. And the thing is with the sticky bra and like strapless tops, they just constantly fall. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Some of the stuff that we haven't like figured out yet.
But also this is only a problem. Girls with a certain size of boob would feel, because I'm telling you right now, once you get to like, I'm guessing she's less than a C. Yeah, because I sticky bra for right, like that's like putting a band-aid on a broken bag for me. So she had to be, she had to be, she has to be like a, almost C or less.
Yeah, right. That's why I was like I like I can't just wear tops to wear like a top would fall and I wouldn't feel it because like my girls would be like high-fiving people that walk by. It's just slops you in the face. I'd be like, oh, but it's just yeah, that's wild. But then you bring alcohol in the mix and like, oh man, and dancing. So that's hard.
And it's not your top, so like you don't know the vibes, you know? She goes, next thing you know, someone pulled it up for me and my friend and I are laughing the entire time. I'm completely mortified. A bit later we leave and me and my friend are still laughing about it. And once we get outside, I thank her for pulling up my top. But then she tells me that she didn't pull up her top. Instead, it turns out one of the guys had pulled up my top for me and I didn't even realize it because I was that oblivious.
Oh my god. Also, everyone's just laughing and a guy's just like, this is enough. Someone's like, do something. I'm so embarrassed. So we start dying laughing and fall to the ground. John never brought up this embarrassing moment or the fact that he pulled my top up for me.
Oh, I was hoping it was John because he's like, I don't want guys like looking at her. Yeah. All of my friends still laugh and retell this story today. I hope you guys also found it humorous. I haven't been able to wear a strapless top sense. So glad I wore that sticky bra, but keep this story in mind when you're picking out your next top for a party. Love anonymous.
Yeah. I love a strapless top. I think it's flattering on every woman. I think it shows off your neck, your deck latte with like a cute little updo or whatever. But they are it comes with a responsibility of like you have to constantly like pull it, check it, like have girlfriends around that are checking on it for you. Like if I'm with Tara and she's going to be like, Hey, pull up your top. It's a girl. It requires a lot of effort. Yeah. But it's a great date night top dancing. I don't know.
Strapless tops are cute in theory, but it's all about a strapless bra. And strapless bras are really hard when you have big tautos. It's really crazy the things that we have, we're so smart in some areas. Like we've gone to the moon. I know. We've gone to space. We have cars that drive themselves, but we still have tampons, but we still have these like horrible bra situations that like are not efficient. It's crazy. It's crazy. So rude.
All right, take it away, Taryn. You got a story for us? Well, right. Yes. This one is titled Help. My boyfriend's mom is giving major red flags. I feel like my radestory not that long ago where a mom was acting crazy. Yeah, this feels familiar. I feel like we've had a decent amount of mom's stories in law stories. This probably was someone who heard that story and was like, oh, I got to be. Yeah. OK.
Hey, tear and ash slash ash and tear. I can't choose who goes first. Hey, hey, hey, hey. First off, I just want to say how much I absolutely love your podcast. I literally tell anyone and everyone to go listen. Every time I tune in, usually on my hour and a half drive from work, I feel like I'm on FaceTime or chilling in the same room with y'all laughing away. You make my commute so much better.
Okay, now let's dive into the drama, shall we? I would like to stay anonymous, but you can know my name. It's...
emoji. I'm 27 and I've been with my boyfriend who is 30 for three years now. Everything is peachy between us, but the real issue here is his mom. My friends always joke that if my boyfriend and I ever break up, it's 100% going to be because of her. That's wild. Damn. That even he knows. It's an unknown thing. It's like VLF in the room. That's wild.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I actually liked her. She was nice, easy to talk to, and I thought, wow, this could be great. But as my relationship with my boyfriend got more serious, things started to get, dot, dot, dot, weird. Like, really weird.
The first moment I probably should have taken more serious was when she said to me in front of some friends and their family, don't you think it's weird that all you do is come over here and have sex with my son? First of all, what? I'm uncomfortable. What do you say? What do you say? What do you do? Also, that's a weird statement to make
Like I'm speechless, but I guarantee it's not like she's only going there from like 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. and then leaving. Like she's there with all their family and friends. Like she's obviously at a point where she's like hanging out with them. It's not a one night stand. That's really interesting. And like if the mom had like maybe heard something, she could have approached them privately and been like, hey, why would you ask that in front of family and friends? So many people, that's mortifying.
I literally probably would have cried and like walked away. Literally. And like, what if they're not even having sex? Like, what if they're just literally hanging out and like watching movies? Like weird. Oh, I hate that. At the time, I just awkwardly laughed it off and told her, no, I don't think that's weird. But looking back now, I'm like, yeah, no, that's not okay. Another time she made me feel uncomfortable was the time she looked me dead in the eyes and said, just remember, I loved him first.
That's really, somebody said her down and explained what you can't say to people. In my mind, I was like, great, if I ever get tired of him, you can have him right back, open arm. But honestly, it felt so passive aggressive, possessive, and like she thinks it's a competition between us on who can love him more.
Weird. There are many, many other comments she has made to me that make me feel uncomfortable. But this is where things get next level. Oh, that wasn't like next level. She still kisses my 30 year old boyfriend on the lips. The lips. She put in caps.
Yeah, you read that right. When we lived at their house, it was constant. Heading out for a date? Kiss on the lips. Going to bed and saying, good night?
Kiss on the lips. The peak, the peak moment for me. This is so awkward. I'm so uncomfortable. The peak moment for me was we were watching TV. He was laying on my lap and she leaned down and kissed him on the lips while he was on my lap.
Oh my god.
Like what is happening? Oh, God. Their whole family thinks that this is normal and that nothing is wrong with this. But to me, it's the cringiest thing I have ever seen and I get nauseous every time she does it. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about how uncomfortable all these comments and the kissing make me feel. But his response is always a shrug and something like, that's just how she is. She has anxiety.
She's super insecure. She just wants you to like her. Blah, blah, blah. Red flag? Probably. He keeps saying she wants me to like her. But has she ever actually tried to build a relationship with me? No.
Look, I get it to mom and setting boundaries with her isn't easy, but come on. I can deal with the weird comments. What I cannot handle is the kissing. So what would y'all do if you were in my shoes? Am I overreacting? Do I need to run for the hills? Or is there some way to navigate this without losing my mind?
I apologize if this is long, but if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading this and hopefully offering some advice. I've attached a couple photos of us, our doggy, and him and his mom at the end for context. XOXO Anonymous. Okay, they're so sinking cute. Oh my God. I'm so uncomfortable. Cute enough to fight his mom. They're so cute, but look at the one of him and his mom.
I'm just, I think because I am uncomfortable. Everything about that makes me uncomfortable. Okay. It's also like the kissing is gross, but it's the kissing compilated with all of the comments that just makes it unbearable. It feels like she is in competition with you for him. Yeah. And it's hard for me to hear those comments and not think she's kissing him in front of you to like rub it in.
Well, great.
Also, sometimes you have to think about if there's something culturally, because some cultures are a lot more comfortable with kissing and there's certain people that are very, I even have family friends where the dad will come and he gives you a kiss on both cheeks and all that stuff. For sure, but the lips is so different and it's a very specific, they're American, right? I mean, they look
like it. And I don't know. I just think the cultural thing out here. I cannot imagine even if I did kiss someone. I can imagine like while they're laying on their girlfriend's lap. That's that part to me is so
I don't know. I think here is the other thing. I've had aunties that kissed me on both cheeks too, but it was always like a, I hadn't seen them in months. And it was like a two kiss on the cheek when I walked through the door and like.
That was it. It was never on the lips. It was never multiple times a day. It was never like, hey, I'm running out to go to the grocery store, kiss on the lips. And it definitely like, they didn't go out of their way to go into me and my boyfriend's space to like do that. So. And even with kids like... My nephew is four. And like, he would kiss me on the lips when he was like little. Like, you know how babies do the whole like, whatever. It's different. But even like, I've noticed like,
like when I go to give him a kiss, like I kiss him on the cheek or if he does go to kiss me on the lips, like I'll put my cheek and like sometimes he'll like grab my face and wanna kiss me and obviously I'm not like, get away from me. But even like at four, you're slowly starting to transition to like, and it's not my own child. So like maybe that would last longer, but I just feel like as a straight up 30 plus year old man,
That's weird. That is wild. That age is wild. It's just, it's just so crazy because I have, I have, I have very loving family. That kissed me on the forehead. Like give me a little hug and a little peck on the cheek like.
Yeah. I don't think my dad. And obviously maybe he doesn't think of like if my dad has ever kissed me. He's a great hugger. Like he will give me such long hugs. My mom will kiss me on the cheek, but like every once in a while. I just feel like obviously he's used to it.
But I distinctly remember my dad kissing me on the top of my head, growing up. Yeah. Like hug, he would like on my crown, but like that was kind of it. I don't know. I, okay. The mom is straight. Kooky dude, it's like wild. That is very clear. She's got some major issues. She's also enabling it. Well, I haven't gotten there yet.
That's, if you look at that as one thing, like I'm very curious, is there a dad in the picture? There was no mention of him. So like I feel like that's a very common thing is like when there is no husband, like how moms will kind of, it's that transference of like, yeah.
So not saying it's like a romantic thing, but like there is that almost like they become their like husbands and their caretaker. It's the man of the house thing. Yeah. Where it's like, okay, your son now stepped into a new role in your family. Yeah. Which I understand. But that's one thing to have like a crazy
mother-in-law to like deal with that and you can try to be empathetic and like Sit her down and have conversations with her. It sounds like You've noticed she doesn't make any effort with you and she's made these comments But you didn't say anything where you guys actually talked so if this is something Where you see a future with this man, that's gonna be something where I the part I would be willing to do is I'm gonna take her to coffee and I'm just gonna say hey
Susan, whatever her name is, I've noticed like some comments and I just want you to know like, I love your son and I'm always going to be there for him. But like, I would never like want to take your place or have you out of the equation. And like, I don't want sometimes I feel like you're, there's like this threatened kind of vibe. And I just like want to make sure we clear that like when you say, remember, I loved him first. It's hard for me to not take that as a weird
competitive job. So my part I would be willing to do is to try to invest in the relationship even if she hasn't done anything to do it herself.
where the line is very quickly drawn is it is his mother. It's his responsibility to draw boundaries and say things. And I'm sorry that you've kissed her on the lips your whole entire life. I'm uncomfortable and there has to at least be some effort put in to
see if that can like stop. And that's what's hard is I could see that conversation not going well. If he's like, hey mom, I feel like we shouldn't kiss on the lips all the time anymore. I could see her freaking out and then blame me on you and whatever. But it's where you just say like, I'm not, I did not grow up around this. It makes me very uncomfortable. It's not something like that I've ever seen before in my life.
So I'm sorry that it makes me uncomfortable, but that's just like where I'm at. But it's his responsibility. And it sounds like right now he hasn't ever made an action to draw boundaries. Mom, he just makes excuses for her. So that to me is the bigger issue. Yeah. Because she's going to be crazy the whole time you are.
if you get married to this guy. She is who she is. She's very set in her ways. But either he needs to make some steps to be like, hey, I now have this wife and I have to put her first and that doesn't cut you out of our lives. But this is here are some boundaries or it's not going to work. Here's the thing. I think we all have family members that
need to be told, reminded, specifically older ones too. Like, hey, we don't say that anymore. Or hey, that's not a term that is appropriate anymore. That falls to the younger generations to educate our parents, whatever.
In the same aspect, like when something like that is going on, it falls on the family to tell them that, hey, that's not okay. Like, I don't know when that happened. Clearly, it's been his whole life. But like, has he said anything? No. And so that's almost more concerning to me than what the mom's doing. The mom thinks she's being loving and like,
It sounds like no one has told her otherwise, like that she shouldn't do that. He needs to approach it in a way where it's like, I know this is how we've always interacted, but I am now with someone where a part of what makes us feel connected and intimate is us kissing each other on the lips and that I feel like needs to be special with us.
Like, maybe we can, like, I know we haven't, but, like, I am 30. Maybe we can move to the cheek, ma. Like, yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be this big thing, but it can be something where he's like, you know what? Now I am in a relationship where I do want her to be the only one I'm kissing on the lips. Like, I think that's so awkward that you would even have to have that conversation. I know. I'm comfortable. So here's where I'm landing with my, like, advice thing. I would talk to your boyfriend.
I would make sure you make it very clear that you are very uncomfortable with the physical relationship between him and his mom. I think he needs to... I think I got a little carried away because I was so grossed out by it. But assuming that all she's doing is showing love to her son and it's not a weird thing, then I would sit her down and be like, Mom, I love you. You raised me. I'm so grateful to you for all that you've done.
I no longer would like to be kissed on the lips. It doesn't have to be a put her down thing. It doesn't have to be this is gross. How do you not know that thing? It can just be a simple like, I would prefer if you would no longer kiss me on the lips. I love hugs. I love hugs. Let's be huggers, you know, like hug me whenever you want, but like.
Let's not do kissing anymore. I don't think he should put it on you at all. I think it should be like, I feel uncomfortable now. And I no longer want this. And I want us to have an amazing relationship still. And I still want to be able to like show you love in some way, but I don't want it to be kissing. And I think that falls on his shoulders to take care of. And if he was unable to do that, I think that actually might be a deal breaker for me. No, yeah, because even like if he does say like,
Hey, like, I just, this is not something that she asked me to do. I want to make that very clear, but I don't bring you up at all. But even if he does, because like, I would, if I'm going to have that conversation with my mom or dad saying, like, I can't do something that we've always done, I want it to be a big conversation. And I think I would just approach it in a way where I'd be like,
They're not asking me to ask you to stop or making me stop, but I can tell it makes them uncomfortable. And they weren't raised around this. It is not a very common thing. And I did just turn 30. So I feel like it just feels natural right now for us to kind of like
shift a little bit, and that doesn't mean I don't love you. This is not like a personal attack on you, but I'm with this person and I don't want to ever make them feel uncomfortable either. He's moving into a chapter of you join lives with a partner. Not you're supposed to leave your parents and join with someone. And kissing on the lap, I can't stop picturing that.
Imagine. Imagine. I can't even if I walked in a room and like say like my brother and his wife were like...
he was laying on her lap and whatever. I'd be like, bye, and like walk out. Like I wouldn't even feel the need to go over and physically touch any of that. Yeah, I'm thinking of all the times like I've been around like friends or my sister and her boyfriend. And I would always, it was just like, even if we were watching a movie and they were cuddling, I was like on the farthest corner of the couch and like doing my own thing. Like it was like, it's never like that. You know, it's just like, it's just, it's weird. It's weird. It's weird is what it is. And I think it's totally fine. Actually, I'm gonna retract that. I think it's fine if he brings you up
and just be like, we, as long as it's not you, as long as he's constantly including himself in this conversation, we are no longer comfortable with lip kisses.
No, he needs to say I, but he can say that he knows it makes you uncomfortable and that's part of the reason. She's uncomfortable. But I also feel like I am 30 years old and I do think it is a little. I'm a little. Yeah, stop kissing me on the mouth. That's like I saw a talk of this girl. She was like putting all of the things out like her mother-in-law has done that's made her feel uncomfortable. And one of them, she showed a picture.
They walked down the aisle so right before he, the mom just straight up kissed him on the lips and like the photo was just like it was so awkward. And the bride was talking about how she felt so uncomfortable and like everyone there was just like all their friends and family are just watching. Yeah. So it's just, I think it's something that
He needs to just take on for himself. But if he continues to make excuses and not make moves and not protect you by being like, hey, mom, you need to treat her with respect. Hey, I don't want to do this. Yeah, don't talk about that kind of stuff in front of everybody. That to me is a way bigger thing. And I think
Honestly, if you continue a relationship with him, you have to be okay with if that never changes. You can't get with someone in the hopes that they'll eventually stick up for you. So I think you need to make it very clear to him that this is a way bigger issue than just...
It's me saying that like, I don't feel supported by you and that you're not going to have boundaries because yes, your family is still a part of your family forever. But when you get married, like you're your own unit and like you have to be on each other's side. So I think you got to really figure that out if that's worth fighting for. Yikes. I'm sorry. That is very uncomfortable. That is very uncomfortable. That is very uncomfortable. Yeah.
But you got this with love and update. Would would kill for an update. Anonymous. Please send it in. We would love to know. Dude, how has nobody else said anything? That's what's interesting is I'm like, uncles. And he's not embarrassed by that. And friends, like family friends haven't said something. If I saw that at your house at some point, I would have been like,
Tara. Hey, Tara question. It's freaking weird. Have you guys always done this? Like, you know, I'm out of curiosity. And as like a best friend, I would want to be like, what's going on? You know, that's kind of weird, right? It's kind of weird. It's gracious. Please, please, please update us because I'm sitting on the edge of my seat any to now. Yeah.
Okay, well, I guess it's my turn. Yeah, it's your turn. Good luck following that. I'm going to be stuck on that for a while. All right, let's go ahead and get into mine. The title is, Finding Myself, Nine Months, Postpartum. Ooh. Hello, ladies. My name is ****, but I would like to say anonymous, please. So altogether, everyone, believe it, Michaela.
Please, I found your podcast last September when I would take lots of what I call mental health drives, she puts in quotes. With my twins to get them to sleep in the car and you have given me so much joy on those drives, thank you for the light that you are.
A little background, I am 25 years old and had twin baby boys almost nine months ago, April of 2024. Wow. My husband and I have been married for almost five years in April. We met in college and he is my best friend. My twins and my husband are the lights of my life. We live away from our families due to my husband being in a doctorate program, which has been hard because my family and friends are my life.
So when I was six weeks postpartum, my OB diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety and depression and prescribed me with meds. I started to feel a lot better and when my refills ran out, I didn't call to get them refilled with my OB since he was no longer my doctor and I felt great.
But since then, it's been a couple of months and I am struggling again. I am starting to realize I felt great because of the meds. I actually decided with the new year, I want to start therapy for the things I'm feeling associated with that. Partly because of all of the good I've heard from you two about therapy, I just find myself missing the life I used to have before kids, which makes me feel extremely guilty because I love my kids so much.
I mostly just need advice on how I can find joy outside of my family and find myself again after having had kids. I'm so sorry if this was long and all over the place. I cannot with you guys. This was like the shortest email. You're fine.
I'm sleep deprived. Hello. Well, she put I'm sure I love you guys. The most is by here are some pics of me and my husband and my twins and you have the most beautiful family. So here's the first photo. Here's her in the bull. Oh my gosh. Here's the whole family. You guys are absolutely adorable. He's fevering and the babies are just so like they're.
They have the cutest outfits. I cannot. You guys look so happy. I'm so happy for you. What an accomplishment. But on the other hand, the amount of women that I know now, because of the age that I am, that I have all started having kids and starting families and stuff like that,
It is so extremely common to be feeling this way. First off, obviously I have zero experience, I have no kids, aside from my pups, but everyone I've talked to have all had varieties of postpartum depression and anxiety. It's a very common thing.
Your entire life up until now has all been about you and now it no longer is. And the priorities have shifted and that is a daunting feeling that is a huge feeling. It's a scary feeling. It's something you've never experienced before. I also have a girlfriend, a few girlfriends like living in LA that don't have families around them. And that's really hard because I feel like something that a lot of.
Kind of Americans in general, but specifically LA people miss out on is like having a kid is supposed to be, it takes a village, right? And if you don't have a village with you, that's a lot of pressure to be on the shoulders of you and your partner. And I know that a lot of them have struggled with the same feelings. A lot of them have gone out and found friends. And even if they weren't like really friends with them, like they had kids and they understood.
And they started prioritizing that. And I know a lot of women started saying, hey, especially with you, two kids is a lot for one person. So to leave your partner to go have coffee with a mom or a friend or something like that.
It is a big task and it is asking a lot. But I don't think it's not important. Yeah. And I think your partner should deserve the same thing. If you guys are able to give each other a lot of times where you're like, hey, I'm going to suit up. I'm going to put my sweatpants on and I'm going to be dad for two and a half hours while you get to go.
for a run, for coffee, meet up with the girls, go sit in a park in silence, sit in your car and listen to a podcast, whatever it is you need to do. I think you guys need to come up with some kind of schedule where he's allowed to have his off time where he can disconnect and go watch a sports game or go for a long drive or go get food. And you should be allotted the same thing. It's not a lot of time, but it's something to look forward to. It's something you can
You can be excited about. I know a lot of moms out here ended up online chatting with like mom groups. There's like Facebook mom groups. There's websites where you can be connected with people who feel the same type of things. I love that you're excited about therapy. I think that's going to be a game-changing thing. It was huge in my Nataran's lives, obviously. And I think you going through that, it's nice to have a professional to be like,
Is this normal? And then they can say yes or no. And then you don't have to stress about it. You don't have to Google it. You can literally take them out their word. And it's just so it just takes all the pressure off of your shoulders being able to be like, here's what's going on at home. Here's how I'm feeling. What do I do? And they can like come up with a solution for you. Come up with a plan for you.
Yeah, I think too, like something you said was, which I think is also very common with people who take medication for depression and anxiety. A lot of times you'll be feeling really good, so you'll go off the meds, and then when you feel down again, you feel like it's almost like you lost. It's like a failure. But I think there's nothing wrong with if you're just not at that place yet. When you think of postpartum, it's not just
You know, depression, anxiety, but like, hormonal imbalances sometimes at play. Yeah. That's a huge shift and that doesn't make you selfish that you miss the time of your life where you weren't having to like...
look after two lives and that doesn't also mean that you love them any less. That's a very normal thing. So that's something I would give yourself grace over because if you're already struggling with all these feelings and then you add guilt and shame because of how you're feeling, it's too much. So I think you need to give yourself grace. Like Ash said, I think doing some research and seeing what are things that are available, but also
sitting with yourself and seeing what it is that you actually meet. Is it going to coffee once a week with a friend? Is it going to a Pilates class? Is it literally just going on a 30-minute walk? Try to figure out what it is that you need. Is it you want to start a new hobby? Maybe there's a pottery class that you can start taking once a week and that's how you find community and you're not with your kids and your hands on with something. Try to just
Be creative and think outside of the box about like what is something that would bring you joy and then start small and just like build up on that But also know like your kids are at the age that it's really hard to have a life outside of them But that doesn't last forever and that's something like I know people have very differing opinions, but I'm very I'm all for
kids starting at least like a part-time preschool program like around like two or three because of the benefits of like socialization and like stuff at school structure all those things but even if it's just for a couple hours in the morning like I feel like it helps
Moms, especially moms that stay at home with their kids to have some form of normal life again and routine. So I mean, there's so much more to come. So just take it one step at a time. But maybe the first step is, you know what, I am going to go back on a small dose of my meds coupled with therapy and
then with your therapist, you can walk through when it's time to start going off of them. But I think sometimes you jump off too fast and then it all feels that much heavier. So there's nothing wrong with meds. I think obviously it shows that the meds were doing what they're meant to be doing. So if you still need that extra push,
then take it. And there's no shame about having to do that. Absolutely not. I know so many people who have been on medications for X, Y, Z, fill in the blank. And I think there is this weird feeling of I lost because I have to be on these medications or I'm losing because I have to be on these medications or I
I'm not enough because i have to be on these medications there's so many weird emotions that come with these things and. I think as long as you have a professional guiding you through it and the plan is to eventually one day hopefully not need them.
That's a good plan and like what you're where you're at right now you are in the thick of it like you have two baby boys that that need you currently and yeah can we just acknowledge you have twins yeah it's already hard enough I know so many girlfriends that have been going through this and they had one baby yeah you are a hero the fact that you're even brushing your hair in the morning is like an accomplishment like that is a lot of work and I think
It's okay to need something. And also, Taren says this all the time, but it's the whole like, put your mask, face mask on yourself before you give it to your kid in the airplane, if you're not in a healthy state.
you're not gonna be a good mom, a healthy mom. If you're not, if you're like kids, kids, kids, kids, and you're depleting currently, then one day you're gonna hit bottom. And then what? So it is important to prioritize yourself and your mental health. It's not being a not good mom. It's not putting yourself first over the kids. It doesn't mean that you don't love your kids. It's preparing yourself to be an even better mom, to continue to be a better mom.
And I think it gets so often overlooked that like mental health aspects of moms, especially stay-at-home moms who don't get to go outside and talk to humans and like get ready for the day. Like little things like that. It sounds like nothing. It sounds like a not necessity thing.
over time, it becomes very necessity. So whatever it is that gives you life that you need, I would talk about this with your therapist, but like I would sit down with your husband and I would make a plan. And on Mondays, you get to do this for X amount of time. And on Thursdays, he gets to do this for X amount of time. And on the weekend, you guys take a family walk. And even if it's like only like super short and you have to turn around and go right back, you're getting outside, you're getting fresh air, you're moving, you're together. And I think a plan will, will fix everything because it gives you something to look forward to. And like,
work towards.
Yeah, and I think like obviously, I mean, it's the age old debate about mental health, right? Like people love to say mental health is like a cop out or, oh yeah, my mental health or whatever. But like even I was listening to, I think it was Huberman Files and he was talking to, sorry. I'm just correcting. If people wanna find the episode. I think it was Huberman Lab was saying he had like someone on that did a study with athletes.
And basically testing when athletes were feeling negative emotions, struggling with mental health, anxiety, things like that, their bodies literally did not perform as well. Their motor functions, their hand-eye coordination, everything, literally severely had an effect. Their mind had an effect on how their body did and how their performance was. So I think
It's something where it feels easy to brush aside because you're like, well, I have to get through my day, I have to deal with my kids, I have to do this, this, this, this. So therapy and how I'm feeling, the fact that I'm having mental breakdowns, that's last on the list. But in, like Ash was saying, if you are not operating a healthy capacity, you're gonna run out of fuel. So it is worth taking the time to
talk to your family, say like, hey, I need a little extra cushion, like mom or his mom or his dad, your dad, whoever, like cousins, like Bible study people, whoever, like, hey, can you come over once a day and just like sit with them while I read a book, like just play with them for a minute. Like, enlist people in your life. People want to help. Like, people are not, I feel like every time
even lately, people who I've offered to help with stuff going on with a fire, it's automatically like, well, I don't wanna be in convenience or like what I wanna see easiest for you. And it's like, no, I want to help you. And also, I'll say a lot of times with kid things because I'm so like, I'm involved in children, I have no idea, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. I don't necessarily ask because I assume that's your family and I don't wanna
Assume that you need my help, especially when I don't know that I have the best. I don't know how I can help Every time I've been like well, do you want me to come hold him or offer to watch him or whatever? They're like, oh my god Please the babies in my hand in a second and I would love I would just love to go to grab this real quick and I'm like
You can take your time. We'll just be here. I'm not going to leave. I'm just going to sit here in the corner with his toys, and we're just going to do this. And I can do that. Or if you're not good with kids, but you love cleaning and organizing, be like, hey, I'd love to come and do your dishes or your closet. I would love to revamp your closet. Everybody has a skill set that they can offer to someone else.
And I think it's your job as the person who's struggling. And girl, did I learn this the hard way? Like, when I actually went through something where I did need help, it was really hard for me to open up to let people help me. But you're not only robbing yourself of an opportunity to have a break, but you're robbing people from like using their heart and doing something that
They want to do because they love you. This is a weird example, but you mentioned organizing for the fire donation center that I was working at. The products corner was chaos. Ash said, let me add it. They were like, do you want to organize? I was like, yes. I literally, I had so much fun.
And it sounds weird saying it because it was a donation center for like a really crazy disaster. I literally went crazy and I was having a blast. And like there are people around you that are good at that. And I don't know if you go to church or like have beliefs or whatever. Church is really good when it comes to having a community of people around you. And there's always people offering to do certain things. Obviously it's a little more. You want to be a little more careful because it's your babies. So like
maybe like go get to know them a little bit first before you invite them over or drop them off. But like there's usually a lot of programs there where they can like watch your kids while you go do whatever or they can come to the house and help with stuff. I know I got sent all kinds of places as a in my youth group to help families do different things. And I think I think that's a that's a thing that is a beautiful thing about communities. And I think
It's there. You might just have to go find it. And I know you don't have family around you, but I think you can find community if you start looking for it. Those are just more thoughts.
But grace, grace, grace, you need to give yourself grace and know that you're doing an amazing job and like, it's one of those things where every time someone's like, I just like, what if I'm not being a good enough mother? What if I'm not being a good enough friend or this? I'm like, the fact that that's like your biggest fear shows that you're probably doing an amazing job. The fact that that's the thought that's causing you to spiral.
You are going above and beyond, I promise. It's the people that don't think that. I think right now it's okay to shift a little bit of focus to yourself. Realizing that it is a snowball effect. You being healthy and happy is going to only increase your ability to be an amazing mom. So just take one step at a time, sit and just dream and be like, okay, if I really could do anything,
Like, what would that look like? And then figure out how to find a window in your week, prioritize that time, and then move on from there. And the best way to get that started is through therapy and having those conversations with your husband to make that plan. So I love that you're already on that track. I would fully, fully send, find a therapist,
make sure your husband or someone's around to watch the kids while you get an hour with your therapist. And then I would come up with some kind of plan for you and him to follow with the therapist. I would get on even even this very super small dose of medications just to get you through this. Like this is a busy chapter that you're in and it's not ending anytime soon. Who wouldn't want a little support? So I would talk to them about like what kind of medications you can get on. Maybe that's even a step lower than you had, but like still gives you a little bit of support.
Awesome. And then I think you might be in like an unstoppable mom. You got this, girl. Let's end with the dad joke. Let's. I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it. Oh.
That was good. That was an extra good one. It took me a second. I was like, wait, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. And stereotypically, statistically, I didn't. Probably. Probably not. She just makes it at this point. Guys, if you made it to the dad joke, we love you the most is if you have a story you want advice on, you have to email us. And what's the email, Taryn? Advice unsolicited pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram, follow us on YouTube, and we'll talk to you soon. Love you, bye. Bye.
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