Help I Got Pied Off For A Steak Bake
en
January 28, 2025
TLDR: Podcast hosts William Hanson and Jordan North discuss their recent activities (return to Turf Moor, solo tour), and tackle 'skincare' gadget mix-up and steak bake ultimatum in G&Diva segment.

In this engaging episode of the podcast, hosts William Hanson and Jordan North tackle a variety of modern life dilemmas, drawing on their unique perspectives and humor. From etiquette to personal anecdotes, this episode is packed with relatable insights and hilarious commentary.
Key Highlights
Returning to Northern Roots
- Jordan North makes a triumphant return to Turf Moor, where he shares his experiences from a recent event where he was a guest of honor. This segment highlights his reflections on his visit to his hometown, his nostalgic experiences, and a humorous recount of his late-night escapades that involved kebabs and nightclubs.
Life Dilemmas and Q&A
- The duo dives into G&Diva dilemmas, discussing the complexities of modern relationships. They explore everything from celebrity etiquette to unexpected encounters, including:
- Texting mishaps: What to do when you accidentally text your boss.
- Skincare gadget confusion: A humorous story about a mother’s sexual wellness device being mistaken for a skincare tool by her teen son.
- The joys of public transport etiquette and the trials of asking personal questions, all while weaving in their witty banter.
The Aftermath of Recent Tours
- William reflects on his recent solo tour, expressing his feelings about juggling personal and professional commitments. Here, he shares the excitement and challenges of performing live and the importance of friendship within the entertainment industry.
- They discuss the ups and downs of waiting to celebrate successes, the necessity of supporting friends, and personal feelings of guilt when missing an important event.
Food Dilemmas: A Hilarious Steak Bake Incident
One of the standout moments of the episode is a listener dilemma about being rejected during a romantic moment in favor of a Greg’s steak bake. This relatable question leads to a lively discussion about:
- Food as a priority: The hosts humorously deliberate whether a steak bake can be seen as more appealing than a partner’s romantic overtures.
- The lighthearted debate reveals the hosts' personal preferences regarding food and romantic gestures, illustrating a humorous yet relatable perspective on relationships.
Expert Opinions and Practical Advice
Throughout the episode, William and Jordan offer practical solutions and etiquette advice, including:
- Do's and Don'ts of Public Transport: Insights on the appropriateness of photographing strangers' shoes.
- Handling Awkward Situations: Effective ways to maintain composure in strange social scenarios, such as dealing with vomiting interviewers or awkward text exchanges.
- Etiquette around food: Expert takes on how to communicate effectively about food preferences and the importance of understanding relationship dynamics over meal preferences.
Conclusion
This episode not only provides entertainment but also valuable life lessons. With topics that resonate with many listeners, from personal dilemmas to laughter-filled tales of friendship, the hosts remain relatable and amusing. Listeners can look forward to more insightful discussions in future episodes as they continue to explore the quirks of modern life and relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- Friendship is essential: Support your friends and celebrate their successes.
- Balance food and romance: Sometimes, food can take precedence, but communication in relationships is important.
- Stay humorous and light-hearted: In the face of dilemmas, laughter often provides the best remedy.
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What is the strangest thing you've ever bought from Amazon? I'm Tom Price, and in my podcast, my mate bought a toaster, I explore the weird and wonderful internet orders of my guests to tell their life story. Who knew Stephen Merchant bought this? Decorative freestanding toilet roll. Was it used when you sent it back? Almost certainly not. Or that Jade Adams quite literally splashed out on this. You bought a kayak!
If you want to hear me uncover the secrets of over 120 comedians, writers and actors, find my mate for a toaster and you can start listening to any episode that takes you fancy.
Hello and welcome to Health high six of my boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas. Like, is it acceptable to sneak a picture of someone's shoes on public transport? Who's told you that?
Again, when you broadcast things live on the radio, funnily enough, people, in fact, the only thing you want people to listen is the name of the game. Well, I thought it was fine. I really liked his chainism because I was in London. I didn't want to say, excuse me, part of what your chain is from. Especially in your accent. Because I asked the guy who wanted to take out his coat on the chain, and he genuinely thought I was coming onto him. Oh, and I wasn't. I was just asking him where he got his coat from. And where did he get his coat from? Did he ever answer you? I think it was next.
How does one celebrate in style after a super successful solo tour? Oh, well. Says here in brackets, woo! Woo! Woo! There you go. I've heard it was fabulous. I feel really bad about this, isn't it? Oh, bless you. We'll come on to this. And what does she need to do if you've accidentally texted your boss? But we're not your usual agony answer. William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.
No, we're not. Jordan North, radio presenter. I'm more Donna Versace. You're more Donna Cabab. It's for an anonymous. Why? Don't make that anonymous. I think it's very good. We'll talk about this later, but I had a cabab back home. I went out in Burnley in a week. Oh, God. Yeah. OK, talk about it. Also, I'm actually more thinking about it. I'm more Donna Versace. Now, I can see why you want to be anonymous.
She's had so much work done. What are you trying to say about my face? You look like that cat lady. What did he call her? She looks like a cat. They actually wheel her out. Oh, yeah, I know who you mean. Yeah. Yeah. I do not have that much work done.
recently. Anyway, because I tech college and tablets now because you told me to does that mean I'm getting work done? No, no, no, no. That's just to boost the elasticity of your skin to keep it, you know, stop it from sagging. Keep shaking. Booshy skin. Yeah. So I have a five skin then. I'm in a hot week.
before we toast. We have some orange juice here to try our G&D the best new twist on the G&D, which she was calling the Sexted Sunrise. Now, are we sticking with that name? Oh, we had D8. What was the net? Oh, hang on. Let me put Ben. What were the suggestions we had? D8 goes to Bonnet. And my preference was help I sexted on the beach. OK, Ben, can we have that with a bit of enthusiasm, please? What was the suggestions?
Sorry, and it's hi, guys. There we go. It was Diego's de Bonet, and Hell by Sexted on the beach. I like Hell by Sexted on the beach, but Sexted Sunrise is quite good. It's quite quick, isn't it? Yeah, well, so Sexted Sunrise. Thank you, Ben. I can't remember whether Beth was saying that you did put gin in as well, whether it was a G&D. Yeah, it's G&D. It's a two plus orange. Yeah. OK, so I'll just do the normal G&D. OK. I need to leave room for the orange juice, actually. And I don't know, she didn't say how much quantity of orange juice did she?
I think. I guess we'll just make it up. It's quite small glasses. I like a gin and orange. That's very nice. It's a bit old school. Vodka orange. The drink was born out of the fact that she made a gin and da bono. I mean, it does. I like it, so I did the orange.
It doesn't look an attractive colour once you've got it with bits in as well, I'm not a big fan of bits in my orange juice. Could you have got no pulp? Where do you normally like you bits? In a way, not tucked away. Well, it was the only available orange juice. Okay, right. Right. Beth, this is for you. Thank you for the suggestion. Do we like it?
It's not terrible. It's not bad, actually. It's got it. It's with that. It's actually text the edge of it. Yes, more is the pity. I don't know who he is, but that would be.
You don't make me laugh when I'm drinking. That would be a good morning drink, like a... Morning glory. Oh, we could call it... Sexted morning glory. Sexted morning glory. Because it is good in the morning that bit like a Bloody Mary. Oh, no, I don't like tomato juice. Maybe do I, but I like a Bloody Mary. Do you? Yeah.
First time I had a Bloody Mary's review actually, Ben. If I remember correctly, he was at the student radio conference. What was he saying? I remember next day I was Popper on Golf and I was speaking to you. I had a Bloody Mary. Yeah, I'm inspirational. There you are. So how was your week? Yeah, good. I cried at two lesbians on a skate to the country. And I think that sums my week up. Right. So, oh, they're a really lovely couple.
So hang on, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You missed solitary refinement to cry at Lesbians on television. Yeah, so I went out in Burnley on the Friday. Yes. And then... You were on the game. I was on the game, and then on Saturday I went out as well with mates. Yeah. And at both nights, both nights, I got in at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah. I know, I've not done that for you. Talking top five, I can go over on Sunday.
Right? So, Sunday I couldn't even move. I mean, bed. Okay. I put escapes to the country. I know two lesbians looking for an house at Envy found the perfect house in Highlands in Scotland. Did they burst into tears? In Scotland, not in Hebden Bridge. No. No. They were definitely, as you got that one. Definitely in Scotland. So, I have not, and both nights were meant to only go out for a couple after. Well, I could tell you, I can tell you now you are not just a couple.
No, I am. You're not. So on Friday, I went out in Burnley. I watched Burnley play Sunderland. And also, you did like the half-time act? Yes, that's why I couldn't miss it, because I'd been asked to come on. And what did you actually do? So I was guest of honor.
Well, but what does that mean? Well, usually they get export ballers to the right, but I think they were desperate. Yes. So what did you do? You go to the box. So Burnley have got a box on the long size and then you go and do like a Q&A for all the people that paid for the box. And then half time you go and do a Q&A and you have a meal and
So you don't actually go on to the picture? Yeah, I went on to the picture after. But what are you doing on the picture? Well, a Q&A. Oh, I see. This is asking me about the favourite thing. Oh, so that's been piped around the stadium. Yeah, it was rather a stadium. And then afterwards, I went out, I went, turf is just reopened, and I went in the Royal Dage.
Do you know about this? Which was the one we went into and there was a fight. That was the miners. There was two fights in the miners. Yes. But I think we walked past the Royal Dutch. Yeah. But the Royal Dutch, how do you feel about this? It used to be called the Princess Royal. Right. But because Sean Deitch got us into Europe, they renamed it the Royal Dutch. Okay. And it's still called that. So we're in there and then I thought, and you'll know this, because she's from my neck in the woods. I said, I love a few. I got the taste.
I said to my brother, let's go Smacks. Smacks is a nightclub. I think I've known you long enough to know that. I was like, come on, let's go Smacks. It's like a nightclub that I love, like proper sticky floor in the music nightclub that I used to go to.
are in smacks, and they were our three in the morning, and our nurse. Also, note how his voice has just gone a little bit more nasal than Lancashire, because you're talking about all these, but that's not true. So, we're our three in the morning. All right, and hang on, and watch this, tell me about Henley. Well,
It's half the morning and I was nursing a cherry vk and I'm fucking going home here and I left, got home at four, had a kebab, then got charged because I fell asleep with kebab. It was a chicken tikka kebab.
I fell asleep with it in bed and it looked like I'd shit the bed. So I went down and said, who's bed, where you in? Where are you staying with you? I was in a hotel, I was in a hotel. So, because everybody made it with me enough. So, I was like, I'll just walk a room. And then Saturday I went out from, we made Adam's birthday. And, oh God, again, I thought, I'll go for a couple. Because I'm not doing dry jam this year, or damp jam. I thought, I'll go for a couple. Yeah. And I'll, I'll get in a, I'll get in a night and 10, I'll get a pizza. I've got in a four in the morning.
I won't tell you where he ended up, but let's just say there are a lot of G and Divas there. You weren't in Burnley at this point. No, this is in London. There's a lot of G and Divas. Where are they? OK. Lovely.
So it was good. It's been an eventful week. I was just, I was still rough on Monday. I'm not out of two days for ages. Well, you're getting on a bit, aren't you? So that was mine. Oh, also, I've got to say a big hello to Claudia who I met in the jacuzzi at the gym. Winkleman? No, she's just, I was in jacuzzi at gym and she went.
I'm really sorry to do this. And I thought she'd send me Trump to come see her summit, joking. And she said, I'm a massive G&D either. And she had my wisdom teeth taken out on Friday in your episode to really help me get through it. Oh, that's nice. So to Claudia, yeah. Hello, Claudia.
Yeah, and we're going away together this weekend. We are. What if we've got a safe at Taxman? We're doing a sexted... Right, I'm joking, we're paying ourselves right as a joke. What we say at Taxman? We're doing a sexted weekend away. Abonding extra. Team building. Yeah.
This is your happy place where we're going to, isn't it? Well, in this country. Yeah, you absolutely love it. It doesn't involve a big castle at the end of the main street. It's a place you went to last year where Williams was on a bike in his cloak. Yes. Yeah. And I'm bringing the cloak out. Oh, good. Also, cloak, OK, cape update. Do you know my opera cape, the Phantom one? Mm-hmm. That shop that sells them. Yeah. Sold out, sold out. Have they actually? Yeah. They only have two.
Don't get into details how many how many capes did the other i don't know i will ask that question but i sent some photos cuz i wore the cape on stage at solitary refinement which will come on to talk talk about and i sent the photos to the shop going it got a great round of applause when i walked out of the cake and they went oh actually with fun enough we've actually now sold out of them the william hansen effect. It's like dealius myth and mold and sea salt all over again who.
Delia Smith. Don't go who? Who's Malden Sea Salt? Malden Sea Salt. What's Malden Sea Salt? The brand of sea salt. It's a company. It's like a brand name. Do you know you must know Malden Sea Salt? I don't know Malden Sea Salt. You've got a kitchen island. Of course you know that Malden Sea Salt. I'd always bring it back to my kitchen. Because people who have olive oil collections and kitchen islands tend to have Malden. I've not got an olive oil collection.
you've said it on this podcast i have been gifted because i don't know why but down here the gift jolly vial which i'm not again so built up a collection and i'm really into it at the moment and who anxious do you have sea salt in the house yeah got salt in the house does it come in a green packet no it's ready it's called saxo
Oh, shut up. I do have Saxo Soul. Why are you looking at me like that? You're pissing me off today. I bet you it's Malden. Anyway, Delia Smith discovered Malden Sea salt years ago, put it in a book or on TV and it also, it was a big issue.
I am really sorry I couldn't make your solo tour. Sorry you were not there either but hopefully if I do another one you can come to that one. I feel really bad. I was meant to send some flowers but I didn't get around to it. I genuinely feel bad but I couldn't get out of this on Friday. No it's alright. Just yeah. You missed. Everyone was there. All our friends were there. Yeah there was a lot of friends and the highlight of the show absolutely nothing that I did.
Just like when we do our live shows, I do Q&A in the second half. It's a bad time. No comment. It's spontaneous. That's what we like to say. Every night's different.
Someone in the audience, who to fair, had been very loudly laughing, which was very reassuring during the first half. So it was quite nice to know that I was making at least one person off. He's got his hand up, and I'm thinking, ignore him, ignore him. And eventually, to put him out of his misery, I was like, oh, producer Ben's got his hand up. Would anyone like to hear from producer Ben? Cloud is bloody cheer of the night, children. Oh, you didn't, did you? On my own show. What question did you ask?
Well, should we give some context? Yeah, there, there, there needs to be a bit of context. Um, and yeah, I was, I was just thinking I need to come up with something good. And then a woman, two, two questions before me. Her question was to William, do you spit or swallow? Yes, she misread the one. Uh, if I'm honest, that's a great question. Okay.
The people were asking for a market question. She spit out swallows a great question. Yes, and she obviously met with the grist, the law of fish bone, et cetera. The way she asked it was perhaps... Did no one laugh at that? Well, they laughed. I'm glad I weren't there. And gassed. And anyway, I managed to answer the question very nicely from an etiquette point of view. And then two questions later, I go, producer Ben, he gets his round of applause, they all sit down. And then I say to Ben your question. And I said, well, I was going to ask you if you spit or swallowed, but that question's already been asked.
I did it get a good laugh. Everyone lost themselves. I think you'll find it. They actually laughed at what I then said. What did William say? Well, you should know. OK. And then what was the question? Oh, yeah, that was the next question. My actual question was a bit rubbish. What was it? I said, where did you get your lovely broach from? I just thought I'd bring attention to your lovely broach. Thank you. Yeah, I know. Tells I could bow the lopsest lops.
It was very good, it was, I heard it was. Producer Ben should get credit, and I did credit you on Instagram for code advising posh master, which was the game we played in act two, where, do you know, I've got a funny talent when I go into the audience to find people to come up on stage.
I don't know why, but I'm told. And I didn't know. I mean, I don't know how I do it. I managed to find the most attractive person in the audience to bring up on stage. Well, being particular, the most attractive man, he worked for an airline, didn't he? An airline who potentially during it, while I had maybe done five minutes, sort of slightly ripping apart. And then on stage, he then worked for that airline in customer experience. Oh. To which I said, he must be very busy. Great. She's got a great laugh.
So are we, are you going to go through the whole script to the show now or? Oh, can do. No, I am, I'm, I'm, I sound, I'm gutted. I was, I genuinely wish I could have been. When you're next called, I put a video up. Did you not see it? I'm so sorry.
Don't do the joke. When you're next called upon to go on into the interval at Burnley, let me know, because if you need something to do, interval, half time, you could always borrow my life-size-joyly and spin round repeatedly. And I think that would go down very well. Yes, I'll do that. Now, funnily enough, the lady who looked after me at Burnley, Veronica was the lady. Remember Veronica?
Yeah, and all she talks about for 90 minutes was you. Oh. Oh, he is funny. Oh, do you remember when he had those yellow gloves on? I thought they were Murray Golds. Do you remember when he had strip on? And then when you said you'd second him to mine, I thought he's going to last two minutes. My favourite ever Instagram caption I have ever posted was the photo of me dressed in the Burnley kit, standing next to you. And I posted it saying, with my Burnley top, I think it is such a clever...
Clever, clever Joe. What else has been going on? Well, I have, I'm getting older and more confident in my old age because I accosted somewhere in the street literally last week on route to this recording because they spat in the street. And what was, I hate spitting, but what does accosted mean? Continuing a theme actually, aren't we? Accosted, like gone up to, you know, tell them off.
He was only probably the distance that you and I always yeah push people say that and scolded No, I got scolded by my mother Yeah, we don't say that no and Anyway, but what was weirder is he was holding a tissue as he spat
As I ate, you shouldn't spit in the street anyway, but you're holding a perfectly serviceable tissue. And what did you say to the gentleman? I just went disgusting. And he looked at me and sort of threw his left arm up and just carried on walking. Why didn't you do it in a Scottish accent? That wouldn't be funny. I'm not Scottish. Disgusting!
Right. That would have been better. Yeah, I hate spitting. I think it's disgusting. I just don't do that. And also, you are literally holding a tissue. So, spitting into that. Anyway, but I happen to people say that you do get more confident as you get older and you will accost people. And I feel for me, it's a very... I mean, I could be accosting people that I can send to. God help us from, you know, 60s and stuff. Yes. Oh, God, you're going to be unbearable.
No, but won't the world be a nicer place? It will, it will. I genuinely, sorry I missed your show. I do apologize. It's all right. There are some beautiful photos. This weekend, I can go through all 385 photos with you, giving you a running commentary. And at this bit, I was doing this story. So good. Yeah, it'll fly by.
Yeah, bring Mikey, because he can roll his eyes and his extra commentary will be even better. Well, I'm going to bring Mikey anyway. No, but to that bit. Oh, I see. No, no, it's just going to be you and me. Oh, great. I'm going to give you a private performance. He said to me before at the site about bring you bring your swimmers. I was like, well, yeah, because we're going swimming. I think it's the sort of thing that you would forget to bring and then go, oh, no one told me. It would to be fair. So I felt I should let you know. It's been coming. Oh, pigeon chest over there.
Some people are into that. I'm not speaking. You can't press my button after that. Bring your swimmers, Ben.
I've already got my bag. He's are in packs. He's so keen. Packing. I believe so. I've seen you in them speed arms. Right. Okay. Right. You remind me to bring my swimmers. Well, I just did. Also, did you hear, no, remember when I'm packing an hour before I leave? I bet you've already packed, haven't you? No, actually. Oh, okay. I'm riding by this. We also, one of my new year's resolutions, not that I believe in them, but one of them is to pack lighter.
Oh, is it? Mine should be that. I packed so much. Mine's going to be that and to work less weekends. So that's mine. Fewer. Fewer weekends. Well, I'm not less because you use less if you can't quantify. No, actually, no, what's the work? You use fewer if you can quantify it or something like that. Anyway, I think you meant fewer. Fewer weekends. Did you hear the word I said on Friday's show? Have you actually said it? Well, at the time of recording, no, but I'm going to do it tomorrow.
So when this goes out will they know i haven't heard it well how am i supposed to hear the future well because yes jordan i did wow because of magic here is me saying that words that you to what was the word again i can't remember it here is a clip of me saying that word gene divas let me know if you can remember the word from this.
What do you think of that? It's phenomenal, I said it!
Salutations claim to some sort of time. You just heard me say salutations. Right. What do you think? Oh, yes. Well done. So now next time. So what charity would you like me to donate the money to? Pendle side hospice, please. Pendle side hospice. Thank you very much. And next time. What word am I giving you for next week? No, I'm going to give you a word for. What am I putting that on? Well, next time you're telling your money seminars. I just want you to say in it. In it. Yeah.
In it. Well, I can probably work that in. Here is the mold and sea salt. Here is the salt cellar and you need to put it in it over here. No, I know you've got to say it like, you get me in it. You get me in it. Yeah. Right. So you've got to get in it in at the end of a sentence. I can see that going down very well on loose women. Don't be too clever with it. Well, that might be a challenge.
Anyway, shall we go to your drama joke of the week? Let's do it. Have you actually gotten some? Oh, I love going for a dry spell because I'm going to get sent loads from Gene Divas. Dry spell? Yeah. I've just dropped for the last two years, actually. Get loads from Gene Divas when I'm in a dry spell. That sounds weird. Wow. Cue the jingle. Where do I need to go? See you in court.
If you like a chap Who's cheeky in northern You're in for a treat With a Jordan And if a Giggle is what you see Your shorts are love Jordan's jolly joke of the week Chachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachach
What is the strangest thing you've ever bought from Amazon? I'm Tom Price, and in my podcast, my mate bought a toaster. I explore the weird and wonderful internet orders of my guests to tell their life story. Who knew Stephen Merchant bought this? Decorative freestanding toilet roll. Was it used when you sent it back? Almost certainly not. Or that Jade Adams quite literally splashed out on this. You bought a kayak!
If you want to hear me uncover the secrets of over 120 comedians, writers and actors, find my mate for a toaster and you can start listening to any episode that takes you fancy. All right, Gene Divas, thanks for sticking with us. How can you tell a dyslexic Yorkshireman? He'll be the one wearing a cat flap.
That's all right. That's OK. And then I've got I've got a few sent in and then I've loads loads here. Well, don't don't do too many that you then don't have any in a fortnight. OK. Joe says was doing some shopping from a DIY project every day and we make calls and that's where I was. I said, I'm in B&Q. He said, I'll fix the queue. I said about the same size as the B. I thought I was like, no, that there isn't a B&Q and leads joke again. I thought that was very nearly that one.
Mr. Fandango sent me this one. Why did the sperm cross the road? I don't know. Because I put on the wrong socks this morning. Oh. Wow. And Mr. Fandango sent me what's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tongue? I don't know. A pickpocket snatches watchers. Wow.
Okey-dokey. Erm, right. Stuart's got his head in his hands, that's all he's got. Just give a pause. Just give a pause for our wonderful listeners to work that one out. Just give a pause for everyone to write into off-com and... That's just watches.
Right, any more for any more? I think we're done now. I think we are finished. It's time to your questions into lemmas. In general. But yes, see you on Friday. Yeah, so remember, if you need our help with something, then get into it. You can send your details of trepidation to help at sexandmyboss.com. You can DM us where at sex and my boss on the socials, or you can write to William Hoot in the fullness of time, promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards of executive social envelopes that we'll get to you in the next couple of years. The address is on the website, sextandmyboss.com.
Well, probably. Yes. In fact, I haven't... I've got a bit of a backlog brewing. I believe so. Yeah. I was wondering. In fact, you know, I nearly did think, because you were a little bit delayed getting here today, which we knew about in advance. And I wondered whether I should just actually bring someone sit there and do a bit of a sit there. That's what I'm saying. And I decided to annoy you as a producer then. Oh, why wouldn't... That should be... When I'm late, you should start signing cards and stuff. I'd get through them all. This first one is from Lorraine.
Dear William and Jordan, is it ever acceptable to leave toast crumbs in the butter or margarine tub? My husband seems to think it's fine, and he can't understand why it drives me mad. Personally, I find it absolutely grim. Please help settle this. I think it's fine at toast crumbs because it's inevitable. No, it's not. However, I have, I'm guilty of this myself. You've got to draw the line up more, my own peanut butter. I always get that in butter. Oh no.
Crumbs you just can't get, because then when you're trying to get the crumbs out, you get more in. Right. First of all, tap. Decent the butter. No, have a butter dish. No, you can't. You can't put the butter out of a low pack. Well, it's not really butter, is it? Yeah, it is. What is it then? Spread.
So get your thing of butter, put it on your butter dish. You've not had butter for six months. I do. I put it on my toast. OK. Funnily enough, like so many. And I smell other people. And you take your butter, put it on your butter dish, and then with a separate knife, take a portion of your butter, and also keep this light cheese. Keep the shape of the butter. Don't cut a corner off.
Like keep the shape of the butter, you put that butter on your plate and then with your toast knife, the knife that you're going to use to spread, then you spread a bit from the portion that you have helped yourselves. You should not, it should never go directly from either the tub or the butter dish directly onto your toast. You should put it on the plate, switch knives and then you don't get.
crumbs in the butter okay and also similarly don't use and this is actually from a cross-contamination point of view don't use your butter knife then in the jam because that's when you get moldy jam because then you're putting that in and that's just use then you've got loads of washing up to those shoes one knife everything it's another knife well it's not that much i use it's hardly the same knife for everything
I've got like, you know, the miracle you're still alive. You know, the spoon you make a brew with. That's out of my side all day. Teaspoon. The teaspoon that you make a brew with. Yeah, one of them. That's out on the side all day for me. That's fine. Yeah, it's on a spoon rest. It's just a rack. Right.
Yeah, I don't just keep that. If you're going to make another brew in an hour, you're not going to use a different spoon. Maybe give it a rinse on the tap. Well, that's fine because it's going to the same food. But you wouldn't sort of... You wouldn't then use it to get some jam out the strawberry jam. Yeah, but it's a jam, not raw chicken. But still, that's where jam goes furry.
You know, when you open the jam and it's kind of it furry, it's because you've put something in like butter or something that is not jam and that has gone moldy. Because jam will last forever because it's got so much sugar in it. But when you then put something else in, that's where it goes moldy, furry, et cetera. Wait, do you see my jam? I do not even want to open your jam collection with your kitchen hygiene.
It's great. Still not a big marmalade fan. Oh, no, I love marmalades. I was just jamming. Do you not like marmalade at all? No, it's just orange jam. I only realised that recently, isn't it? Do you have it shredless or do you prefer it thick cut? I beg your pardon? Do you prefer shredless or thick cut? I've been calling for a few things in my life. I don't mind curd. I don't mind lemon curd.
Well, that's not... Well, that's just my lemon jam. That's lemon jam, innit? Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind lemon curd. I did get into that one. I'll be honest. My weekends away in Henley got me into lemon curd. Right. We had lemon curd at afternoon tea at Portland. Yeah, I got into that. I've never had it before. Right. Yeah. Okay. What's your favourite jam?
Strawberry. Mine too! Oh, what's your second favourite, Jan? Oh, slabber all over again. Riles. Me? Seriously, mine is as well. I have the first strawberry to last me. What's your third favourite? Oh, it's a bit of a drop, blueberry. Oh, I don't mind believing. What's your strawberry champagne, is it? Well, that's strawberry champagne. It's like... How many strawberries? It's only round trees, don't they do it?
Strawberry champagne. I'm joking, I'm wondering. Is that a Burnley produce? Round trees. Strawberry Prosecco. Did you ever used to make your own mullers? No. You can make your own muller corners, you know, on this blue in my mind. Just get yogurt and put jam in it.
I honestly blew my arm. Honestly, can I just say, right? There's only twice a capital where they've said to me, honestly, I can remember, but there's only twice a capital they've said to me, you're not doing that. And I come in, I went lads, I've just discovered, I want to do this as a link and call them well. I don't know if that'll travel mate.
I went, no, no, no. I said, it's a yogurt, and you put jammin' it, and it's like a muddle corner that, yeah, he went, yeah, let's not do that. He went, save that to have to 10. And the other one was, I had an idea- That's hilarious, because you're not honored. I had an idea to give a hollowed day away and call it slap my beech up. But that got vetoed. Yeah. Yeah. So.
Right. But other than that. Other than that. Leave me to it. Yeah. Yeah. Your ideas. Next question. An anonymous dilemma now. Hello, Jordan, Will Donk and E.P.B. I've just broken up with my girlfriend. Oh, dear. Which has left me reflecting on my past antics. I was a bit of a player before we got together and upset a few people by dropping my load and hitting the road if you catch my drill. Oh, my God. Christ.
You know, I cringe at some of the things I say listening back. What can we expect by some? Can we expect anything else if things call me Will Dog? Of course he is a player. Now the time in a... Now the time in a comma phase of my life, I'm wondering if it's good how to get to reach out to some of these people to apologise. Who knows? Maybe I could even rekindle a friendship or two.
Absolutely not. It sounds like you've got an agenda there. Just leave it and move on. I was going to, yeah. Learn from your mistakes. I was going to say, I know that's quite a nice thing to do, but maybe just don't. Sometimes it's best not to rake up the past, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, leave it and move on. Unless they've reached out to you.
He said, oh, hi. Say, do you know what? I'm so glad you got in touch. Because I'd just like to say this opportunity for giving you my load and hitting the road or whatever he says. And then apologize. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think I would anonymously probably leave it and reflect and just change and don't make those mistakes again in the future. Yeah. And you do grow up and stuff. Yeah. Do you? Yeah. Any life experience you're drawing on?
Can we go to the next one, please, will we? No. Can't we just stay on this one for a minute? Oh, well, yes. Good. All right. Go on. What? No, I think I've given my advice. Have you? Yeah, they reach out to you. We're not doing this. Go on to the next one. Mariam has a dilemma for us now. Do William Jordan the crew, just like making you feel a bit uncomfortable there. Oh, you've done it. I'm sweating.
A few months ago, I had the most bizarre experience during a medical school interview. Halfway through the interview, the interviewer suddenly excused himself, pulled a bin from under the desk, and projectile vomited into it. I sat there in stunned silence, trying to make eye contact with- Say that again, babe. So they were being interviewed, and the examiner pulled the bin. Why would you like to work with me?
I vomited into it and then carried on. Oh my god. I sat there and stunned silence, trying not to make eye contact with his soul leaving his body. When he finished, he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief, muttered, excuse me, and carried on like nothing had happened. I asked if he was okay and suggested rescheduling, but he waved me off, insisting he was fine. Spoiler, he was not fine. Oh my god!
Five minutes later, the vomit fawn resumed. This time, the handkerchief was streaked with red, and I nervously smiled, wondering if this was some weird part of the interview process. After excusing himself for 30 minutes, he returned like nothing had happened. I somehow managed to finish the interview, but I left the building, not knowing if I should cry or laugh. What's the etiquette when someone vomits uncontrollably in front of you? Should I have patted his back, offered a breath mint, or fled the scene?
I think what you did was correct, you said, do you want to reschedule the interview? Yes. Yeah, nothing's that important. I do. I mean, I think it's very old that he came back and didn't. If you're real, you're ill. This is why we have, like, pirates on standby and stuff. You have airplanes and what have you. If you're ill, you're ill. There's not what you can do about it. No. Try telling this like it when you're ill.
I'll never forget that, and it's going to come back and haunt you. But Jordan, you were turning up to your other work. You're either ill or you're not. Well, I was ill. Well, you weren't. Just before Christmas, I was ill, and they weren't. As my mother used to say to me, growing up, if you don't have a temperature, you're going into school. I had a temperature. All right. Did you? Yeah. I didn't see the thermometer. Anyway. But yeah, I think you handled that really well. Not where you stuck it anyway.
I didn't know it was meant a mouse or something. Another one from another moment. Not a lot like the knife in the chocolate spread out. You are so disgusting.
Another one from the anonymous Jim. It's what in the comedy circuit scene you'll get there one day. It's called a call back. Oh is it called a call back? Is that what that's called?
One, there was a review of my show from the Birmingham. My favourite bit is, which will go on all future posters, this show defies categorisation. What does that mean? Listen, they didn't know what they just watched. No, it was a very nice review, but it did say the show defies categorisation. Hello, Jordan, Willy, me, PB and the team. My husband and I live in the countryside with our two kids, including a 14-year-old son who's currently battling hormone or acne.
My husband often travels for work and although we have a great sex life.
How was this connected to the hormonal acne? I was about to say, to the creme, because, yeah, I realised some battery powered friends while he's away. Right. Right. Okay, well, how was your son's acne got to do with this? Bloody hell, just straight. My most recent purchase was of the suction variety for ladies, which I stored in my refill box alongside my cotton pads and skincare products. What a plunger.
One day I asked my son to grab some cotton pads from the box forgetting about my secret stash. To my horror he pulled out the suction device and innocently asked, what's this for? Panicked, I told him it was a poor cleaner for blackheads. I can see where this is going. Fast forward a week, I heard a strange humming noise from his room. I walked in to find him holding the device to his nose.
I panicked snatched away and told him it wasn't safe for his skin. Whilst this toy gave me the best orgasm of my life, I obviously haven't used it since. What's the etiquette when your teenage son mistakes your sex toy for a skincare device? Well, I think you've only got yourself to play. A for improvisation there. That's really good to come up with that. That is fantastic. And did his spots clear up?
Because this is how other drugs are found, you know? Yes, honestly. By accident. So it could be like... Could be a medical miracle. It could be like a little tummy. No, that's a bit weightless. Well, the implants are coming in. Well, hang on, sorry, stop, stop. Hang on, you can't go get it's weird when you call it little tummy and then switch it to William. Could they be called Bruce or something? I'm the doctor. Okay. Okay. Bruce, hello. So we know you get in a...
A few problems with your acne. It's terrible. And you're getting teased at school and stuff, which is awful. So there's this new medical experiment that's come through. Okay. So, hi, Susan. What you need to do is take this dill.home, use it on oneself, and then give it to your son and it will clear his sparks up. I'm starting this role, please. If his sparks have cleared up, that is a miracle, a medical miracle.
They probably haven't, they know what I know about skin. They will in time. Yeah. I'm sure there's some prescription stuff that he could use. I was always quite lucky as a cat. I didn't get that, man. I didn't get angry about that. I didn't see you. Yeah. My brother's dead. One of them dead. I want to name them. Dominic. Ryan. Yeah. I think he was on.
Well, steroid pills are somewhere else I know. Yeah, there are experts that know what they're doing. I, yeah, I... I mean, brilliant story. Yeah, I don't think there's any way to get there. It's your own fault for saying that. I appreciate, you know, you probably didn't want to say the truth in that moment. And you were improvising. But I think maybe just sort of get rid of it and get another one. And then you can sort of, at least it's a different one. And you won't be the first or last parent whose sex toy is found.
No, no, no, you might be the last one as well. I mean, as well, I mean, what are you trying to tell us? I, I, well, I think you possibly done this on this podcast. No, that's not happened to me. Really? No, wasn't. Okay. Looking for a DVD remote.
And finally, another anonymous one. Hi William Jordan producer Ben, my boyfriend and I have been together for years and finally moved in together at the start of 2024. He's got one of those jobs where he works away a lot. So when we're together, we try to make it count. One night after a bottle of Prosecco, I was feeling a bit cheeky. I told him I was heading for a shower and decided to send him a few dot dot dot tasteful photos from my steamy solo moment. I was feeling pretty confident until he didn't seem remotely impressed.
When I asked what was wrong, he sent me a picture back, not of himself, not even a compliment. No, he replied with a picture of a Greg Steakbake fresh out the oven, accompanied by the words, it's not you, but I've been looking forward to this.
I got pied off for a steak bake. I bet you wish I'm new castle. So my question to you is, is it acceptable to reject your partner in favour of a Greg's steak bake? Is this grounds for relationship counseling?
Who said that in? Anonymous. Right, I wasn't going to say is I'm on your partner's side here because you know when you really look forward to a bit of food. So you know what I would come to record here is look forward to the brownies. Yes. And it's like the highlight of the week and stuff like that. And when you're really looking forward to somewhere and someone gets in the way or you get somewhere and they've sold out.
Yeah. Where was our last week? I was somewhere last week and I couldn't. So you know, I get on LNR trains. I love the sausage rolls. You do. I don't know. LNR. Do you know the sausage rolls? Do you know that little chutney? No, but okay. So, yeah. So I think your partner was if you just let them have a steak bake and then he can have your steak bake after. Right. Yeah. I mean, I can see this from both sides. I may be. I mean, I don't do steamy photos, but I would probably have text my partner to go.
I'm going, you know, some sort of euphemistic to see if he was in a position to enjoy those photographs. And then if he'd got, well, I'm actually just going to be just a steak bake in my room, then, you know, yeah, pause or take the photos and them another time. But hey, I'd also like to say, you know, thank God he was only in his room with a steak bake and nothing else. So, you know, a wins a win is what I'd say to that. What a lad.
Oh, Ben. Do you think a steak bake could be a good aphrodisiac? Aphrodisiac. Well, it wouldn't do anything for me. It wouldn't do anything for you as a vegetarian, I think. No, good point. What foods are aphrodisiacs famously? Oysters? Oysters, asparagus, chocolate. Chocolate? Any chocolate? Like, what, because? Dark, probably. Really, to catch monkeys at the most.
What? No. Where are you pushing them? No, I'm just saying. Is that going to? We're back to that thermometer. Is that going to affect us? That's why you call the call back. Well done. Yeah. I'm really into Kit Katchonki's. I'm going, I'm making a way through multi-pack Kit Katchonki's at the moment. Yeah. Well, it's January, isn't it? It is. Yeah. Yeah. What else? Chocolate? This is another one.
Oh, I'm sure they're allowed. Seafood engine general probably. Globster maybe, I don't know. Alcohol. Next day. Talk about this.
When you got when you were hungover that time, you got the hangover horn. I excuse me. I have absolutely. I have never been hungover. Yes, you did. You said you've been hungover. No, I'm not. Yeah. When you said on this podcast, you had, I think. Oh, I had a bit of a headache. I might have been hungover and I went, right, let's go for it. Did you have a date? Yeah. I said, were you extra horny? I did not say yes to that. I think you did. I did not. I would not. You did. I must have absolutely lost my mind.
I've got standards. Shall we try and get William hung over this weekend? Oh, yes. Well, I drink my tea now. Yeah. Oh, you can have a few of them then. I know. I'm bringing you a special one that got from M&S.
Sorry, what? I'm bringing you a special catch. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not having some pre... No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, excuse me. It's not pre-tint shit. Well, then what is it? It's Jackie Collins' very own one. Jackie Collins. Which one's dead? Jackie Collins. Other one. Joan. Joan Collins' own one. Go for Christmas, thank you very much. I don't want pre-mixed. I want freshly made in front of me.
What? Well, me and Ben will have it. You've got to try it, by the way, if you're into it. I'll have a sit. But if I'm going to have a martini, she don't need many, I will have it freshly poured. By the way, if you're drinking martini, word of warning, do you think that you don't need more than one or two? Two is at max. At Duke's Hotel in London, which is where Fleming supposedly got the idea for the martini for James Bond. I'm actually been for a martini there yet.
but they literally will not serve you more than two. I've heard this before because a lot of people go out and get martin but honestly if you have and i can put them away so can easy but if you have four don't have four you'll be on your ass so good it's a good catch up drink i think i'll have five
Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen and watch every Tuesday and Friday. And on the next episode, we hear about the weird and wonderful ways you found the podcast. And we've got a lovely little story to share with you as well. Oh, do we? I don't know if it's lovely, because it just says little here, but I like to put the word lovely in front of a little. Lovely and little. Two words to describe Jordan. Aww! You cheek, I'm 6-4! You're not 6-4! I'm 6-4! Right. We'll see you on Friday.
What is the strangest thing you've ever bought from Amazon? I'm Tom Price, and in my podcast, my mate bought a toaster. I explore the weird and wonderful internet orders of my guests to tell their life story. Who knew Stephen Merchant bought this? Decorative freestanding toilet roll. Was it used when you sent it back? Almost certainly not. Or that Jade Adams quite literally splashed out on this. You bought a kayak!
If you want to hear me uncover the secrets of over 120 comedians, writers and actors, find my mate for a toaster and you can start listening to any episode that takes you fancy.
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