Don't drag the team. Don't drag the team. Don't drag the team. Don't grateful wench. You're like moaning. No, yeah, yeah. Get back in your teeth. Better or worse? Better. Better. Looks amazing. Cheers. Just let God go with you.
You can say anything you want. Put the microphone in front of your face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, yeah. Okay, tonight's about to get weird. Okay, cheers. Let's do a quick little prayer. Let's do a quick little seance. Art father who art in color daddy, how how they how he be thy saying a lot of bad shit tonight.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Thy kingdom come. I will make a, I will make him come. And I will not sound dumb. Amen. That's not a prayer. No, yeah. That's my new religion. Do you think any of your exes will be watching tonight? Hopefully, if they have a phone. Those poor brokies, those little weird freaks. Do you go for broke men? Sometimes to humble myself.
Hallie Batchelder, welcome to call her daddy. You may be wondering why we're dressed like this daddy gang.
I don't know. No, we're like back. We're like, we're in New York right now. You're back to your roots. Oh my god. Imagine if we knew each other when I was in New York. No, you would be dead. No, you wouldn't be alive. I wouldn't have my career. Yeah, I bet your funeral and you wouldn't have your career or your husband. I would definitely not have my husband if I knew you would not have your husband. We also imagine if we knew each other when we lived in Boston. No, I wouldn't have been a bottle girl. I would have just become friends with your dad.
Much of I had fucked your dad. That's not funny. Isn't he happily married? No, he's happily married, but like imagine if Alex Cooper was my mom. And I was like, Alex, what's for dinner? She's like, $125 million deal. Let me just preface this with anybody that's driving in the car on the way to work.
because they could be on their way to work. They could be nursing their child right now. They could be doing something wholesome. It is about seven o'clock at night in Los Angeles, California. It's so hot. No, it's so hot. We got to take the shit off. This hood. We are sweating and we're drinking martinis and I'm sitting across from Hallie. Now, I discovered Hallie on TikTok one day and I said, I'd like that bitch. I would like to be friends with that bitch.
And then I ended up starting a company, and I was like, oh, I can be friends with her, and I can work with her, which is pretty cool. And Halle is going to be launching her podcast tomorrow. Extra Dirty, episode one comes out, so cheers. You fucking did it, bitch. Should we take this shit off? Maybe not the sunglasses, but at least this. No, I'm overheating. And then let's recome your hair. I look like George Washington in the third. Last time I saw you was in, oh, Los Angeles. Yes. And Matt and I were putting you to bed.
Yes. That was the scariest thing ever because I was cross-fated on that fucking PJ back. Talk about that experience. No. They were like, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Like, Wiz was playing like his music and I was like, okay. Like, and you were like, yeah. And he was like, wait, have the whiskey and smoke the blonde. I like don't smoke weed at all. So when I hit it, I was like, so paranoid. I think sweetie thanked me for being there. I go, you're welcome.
So we're on the plane. I turn around and Hallie has her hands crossed in a prayer position and she's not moving and she's not speaking and she's not making eye contact with anyone and I kept turning around being like, Hallie are you? Well, I'm like with my like boss. This girl that just signed me to the company and like I was just, I don't smoke at all. Like I'm not a smoker. I don't smoke weed. I don't like downers like that. I like uppers.
So I was like a little confused what was going on. I was trying to play fucking cool. And I was supposed to go from landing from the PJ. And I was like, my plan was to uber tally axe. And I'm like, what time is your flight? I've never heard of a flight taken off at like a steady 230. And Halley's like, oh, I don't have a flight. I'm going to get one though. And she is blazed out of her mind, not making eye contact with anyone still. And she has glasses on. And she's like, no, I'm going to catch a flight.
to which Matt says, excuse me, you're not going to LAX. You're coming home with us. I was like, gay. I mean, the thing is I woke up in your gas bed on top of the covers. I didn't even take my clothes off, didn't even tuck in. You would give me a whole house tour that I don't even recall. I woke up and there was like a desktop right in front of me. I click the name and it goes, Alex Cooper desktop. I go, fuck.
And it was like noon. And I could hear you guys downstairs making coffee. And I was like calling like Lauren. I was calling all my friends being like, I don't know if I can go downstairs. This is terrible. This is like a, like this is a nightmare. No, that was fun. No, that was fun. How would you describe your personality when you're drunk, aside from the wandering eye? I feel like either I go mute. Like you don't know if I'm like drunk or not, or I'm just like completely
an extra version of my extra self. I don't want to cause a scene. I'm not like confrontational at all. Some people when they get drunk, they're like mean and rude and confrontational. Maybe I'm very chill. I'm also like very like a respectful human being. I feel like I'm just like down with like the vibes. I'm just trying to like, I don't want to cause a scene. Are you someone that is going to drunk text people?
Are you a drunk tester? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, who's not? I don't know, I grow up. But I had a couple of drunk tech situations where I'm just like, there needs to be a child lock on my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, once I send this nude to this guy and it was a video, it was like a cinematic masterpiece. And I was using a bright pink fuchsia deldo. And I was absolutely plastering myself with it.
What? Are you in your bed? Yeah, my twin bed on Nantucket. No. Yes. And I sent it to the wrong guy. His name served them. The other guy's name served them. But the guy I sent it to was like this guy named Matt from like Sleepaway Camp when I was 14. And I was like, he had a blessed day that day. I don't fucking care. Did you realize that when you were fucked up or did you realize it in the morning? In the morning he thumbs up dead. He didn't even reply.
He must have known. He was like, this ain't for me. He was like, yeah. In that moment, question, do you then decide cinematic masterpiece? Should I actually now fire this off to the right person? It was too late. It was too late. The person I wanted to even fire it off to, I think, didn't deserve it. I think this random guy from Sleepboy Camp deserved it more at this point.
No, but my drunk texts weren't even like where you at. They were just like, like very well composed like sex with like an intro, three supporting arguments, and like a closing statement. I'd be like, this is a cinematic mat. I don't even like, I wouldn't even regret that. I'm gonna die on this hill. Someone published this shit. How the fuck are you like writing that shit when you're fucked up? Hey, I, chat GBT, give it to me right now. One, two, three.
Holly, if I can love you. Okay, where did you come from? I feel like you crawled out of the hole. Were your parents strict with you growing up? What was going on? I mean, they weren't strict at all. I feel like they had expectations. You have to get good grades, make your bed, don't get pregnant, although I did once, but don't get pregnant. Okay, so my parents can be strict sometimes. Oh, okay.
Like when I would throw parties in college, there was one time I threw a party in college and I had all my friends over. It was like for my friend's birthday and like one of her girlfriends like threw up all over my parents' carpet. The cops had came so everyone was like hiding in a room. They went up to like the fourth floor. I lived in like a brownstone in Boston. They went to the fourth floor into my parents' room. This girl threw up all over.
Like, my parents, like, $100,000 carpet. It was horrid. It was a fucking crime scene. So they found out, I've never seen my dad so mad at me. I thought I was cut off for good. I thought I was cut off for good, so I signed up for seeking arrangements.
I was being the most. I was so extra. I was like, seeking arrangements near me. I'm done. There's no way. I never went on a date, but I signed up. You know, I got a committee at once. Let's talk about Clementina. Oh, wait, twice. Oh. Sorry. Tell me about your time.
I mean, I got chlamydia once. It was with an older gent who I loved. Really? I didn't love him. I just loved how rich he was. I don't know. He was so rich. Like we'd go to like a bar and he'd be like, what do you want to drink? And I'd be like, I want a spicy margarita. And he'd be like, oh, yes, I can do it. And then he'd be like, how much should I tip a thou? Should I tip a thou? He like abbreviated a thou. And I was like, tip,
And then he invited me to the Bahamas and his friend had a private island. And it was just all the things. His name was Diddy. No, stop. No, but he would like flat. How old is this man? He was not old. He was like 38. Held three at the time. 23.
Okay, that's good. That's good. He was weathered, though. He looked stressed out. He looked like a leather couch. He looked like he was stressed out at work. Like, what was he up to? What did he do for work? He was a hedge fund owner. Owner. Wait, that's hot. Wait, owner is under me. Is that a thing? See you. How did you meet him? Nantucket.
That's... And he didn't have children or kids? He could've... He got me pregnant. You got me pregnant? Yes, that was the same guy. In chlamydia, but I thought the chlamydia pill was postponing my period, so it was like double homicide. Pow, pow, pow. What?
Can I not say that? You know what? I think you fucking should say that, because in the state of the motherfucking union of our country, you had a right. And thank God I was able to have an abortion back then. Honestly, I can't even imagine if it wasn't an option to me. So imagine you as a mother right now. Like right here, I'm like, hi, Father Cooper. Shh. I'm doing an interview. I think tits. Can I even breastfeed? Wait, okay.
I think Sarah's under the muscle. I continue. Okay, you know, that's what I remember you drunkenly in the back of the car with Matt and I on our way back. You're like, guys, I have something I really want to talk to you about. And I'm like, oh, we're going to talk about extra dirty, whatever. You're like, I kind of want to go bigger. I stand by. You want to go bigger? Yeah. Well, they're all right. 295 CC high profile. And everyone thinks they're real. Everyone thinks they're real.
No, like when, like, oh my God, like, everyone thinks they're real, they don't like fake. Because the tits I had before, I gained a lot of weight, then lost a lot of weight, and then gained a lot of weight. So kind of like a rock and a sock, like a picture of rock and a sock. You know, you're swinging a rock and a sock. It's like a weapon, okay? So like, I filled that up and I went conservative with the CCs, but they don't like fake enough. If I'm going under the knife, pop it up. Make them like fake. You want to go bigger. They balance still, like fuck that.
You don't want them to balance? Not really. You want them to just be sat and listening to me. Wait, you went to Catholic school? Yeah. It's shocking. That's literally makes so much sense. I went to Catholic school also, so I can say that. Really? Oh, yeah. Just a lot of repression. It's like caging a wild animal and setting them free into college. From fit through 12th grade, I never had a class with a male. I slept with one guy.
And I'd done like one line of Adderall. And I was like, I'm a freak. I'm so crazy. And then I got to college and I was like, wait, Dick? I wasn't saying. So high school, you were pretty tame. So tame. What was your first boyfriend? He was like this very religious, went to the brother's school. All boys, Catholic school was like captain of the hockey team. Very nice guy, very religious. Massive dick.
I know. I miss him. Okay. Where is he now you think? He is girlfriend. Oh, he's like five seven. Are you five eight? Yeah. In grass. Five foot. But the big dick. He was a tripod, Alex.
The walking tripod, if the wind gusted him right over, he wouldn't be standing right up. But to have that is your first experience is a little intimidating. No. Well, intimidating for everyone else. Like after him, it was like, what is this? What did I sign up for? Why do we break up? I was like, I'm setting the second guy I got with after my ex.
had a micro penis, literally my pinky. What did you do when you saw it? It wasn't a seeing it thing. It was like, is it in yet? Is it in yet? I had no idea. It was like this big, I swear to God. You've actually tried to have sex with micro penis. I did have sex with micro penis. What position worked the best? None of them. I was on a bean bag and my friend's like common room in college. It was so disgusting. We, okay. Can we talk about karate? Yeah.
The karate kid is here today. It's a fun fact that I am a brown belt and karate.
I did it for nine years. I wasn't like an athlete. You weren't gonna see me in soccer, hockey, or I don't know what other sport. Track. Track. No, like none of them. I, my parents like, you should do karate. And like, that's a sport you put your kids into when you're like three. And I was out popping my fucking pussy until I was probably 17. Hold on. I'm a brown belt.
Did you get like bullied for this? Yes. So I, for a period, I stopped and then I accidentally before a sweet 16 got alcohol poisoning because I was 14. I'm the youngest of my grade. So I was like, before a sweet 16, I like drank too much and my parents like, you're grounded.
for nine months and you have to do karate. And I was like, all right, like fuck. And I'm like 14, like guys are just starting to notice me. And I have to go back and put my gee on. I'm like a little brown ball. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. And like, my guys aren't gonna fuck with this. It's true. Give me like a hand move. What would you do? You'd bow first, be respectful. Maybe like us.
I can't really get into the groups. I used to do the job. I used to judge younger karate students. What? I was not good. I was so good at karate. Do you use any of those moves in the bedroom? Probably. I'm violent in the bedroom. A man hates to see me coming. Halle. Can we talk about your dad? Yeah. Let's talk about the finances. Let's talk about the finances. Are you still using your dad's credit card to this day?
I mean, yeah, I mean, it's actually a sensitive topic today. I got a text this morning being like, in the group chat, my dad goes, I just canceled the JetBlue card. Good luck, love you. To my family group chat, I go, wait, what the absolute fuck? He goes, you know, I don't use it anymore. I'm like, but I do. What do you mean? What is the JetBlue card? Like his card, we all have an Apple Pay.
But it's like when I play it, it's like bang, bang, it's like, oh, bang, we're at dinner, bang, you know? I could fly around the world 17 times, yeah. So you got cut up on the jet blue. No, yeah, we're done. The black card, we're so back. The black card hates see me coming. It's nice that it's not a sugar daddy, like this is your actual dad. Yeah, the sugar daddy minus the sugar. Do you think he'll ever cut you off?
Um, no, because like he really wants us to be safe. He's big on safety. Like the reason why he would never like disclose his credit card number for the black card, he does not let us do subway transportation or Uber X. Like it's, I'm not kidding. Like it's, he like doesn't feel safe with that. He also doesn't feel safe with us having a bad haircut or bad hair or like,
about clothing. He doesn't feel safe, Alex. He protects our safety. I literally can't handle you. Okay, so it's all about safety. Yeah. A new bag. Safety. Yeah. New hair. Safety. But also like, but also like nice interior design.
Makes me feel safety. CB2 safety. William Sonoma safety. Revolve. Revolve. Revolve makes me feel safety.
So let me get this right. Do you have a, like a, you can't spend more than this in a month or no? I'm not disrespectful. I don't want to abuse it. It's only I'm going to burgdorff and like popping my absolute pussy upper door while he's out there. Yeah. But when I'm there, we're popping a pussy upper door. If you ever go too hard, what is like a reprimand from your father? It's an email.
It's an email where it says purchase activity not tacked it or like purchase activity. I wasn't there. And he sends a question mark and we just usually don't reply. Stop. I'm like trash. Spam. My quiz list. Okay, let's talk about your dating life.
Okay, let's talk about your dating life. Do you have an age limit? Um, diapers. No, I'll wait. What? Is that bad to say? What's funny is I was thinking like 85, 65. Yeah, diapers. Oh, I don't know. Oh, you're talking about old man. Yeah, an old man with diapers, hospice, diapers. Wait, what? Who thought I was talking with younger?
And that's the problem we had to talk about that after. Okay, that was weird for me. Can you tell me what is the oldest you've gone on a date with? Date? Or fact, I don't know. The oldest guy I've slept with, I don't date a lot. Okay, right, sorry, no dates. Just fuck. But the oldest guy I've slept with is probably 52. Okay. How was that? Good, for him. I sucked him sideways and for wishing, he saw a sunset.
Was he single? I think. Have you ever had sex with a man and then realized he was married afterwards? Yes. How do you handle that? I mean, what's on my problem if you are hooking up with me and like you're in a relationship and you don't disclose it? I don't see how that's like my issue. It's not your issue. What is the most expensive thing a man has ever bought you aside from your father? That's a good question actually.
I mean, these guys, this man thought he bought my tits. What? Oh, this is actually a really good story. Share with the class. So this is the guy I was seeing at the time. He was in London. I remember FaceTiming him. He was horrible to me. Like, he'd be like, I'm getting this influencer and that influencer. I'm like, okay, but I'm like, I'm so cool with that, whatever. And I would be like, I think I want like new tits. And he was like, I think I agree with that. Like, he was horrible to me.
And then he goes, he's like, it's 6am in London. I'm so fucked up. I've stayed up all night. Like, I'm going to Venmo you 10 grand for your tits. So him and his best friend, Venmo me for each, so the East think they own one tit. But then, wait, they Venmo you? Yeah, they Venmo you on the spot. Him and his friend? Yeah. But then my mom was like, wait, if you really want me to pay for the surgery,
Just get your real estate license and I'll pay for it. So like my guy over on the fucking keyboards, I studied so hard. I got my real estate license and like within like a week and a half, I swear to God. And these fucking dumbass billionaires, I pocketed their money so quick. So you had your fucking later. You had 10K for your tits from them. Yeah. And I just paid for them. I never sold a house ever either.
I fucking love that for you. No. Have you ever signed an NDA? Yeah. Oh. Have you? Like what? Tuesday. For like a, um, I know you can't talk about it, but not for like business. I've never signed an NDA. I don't know. Shake said yes. Yeah. I mean, I've signed a couple, but like for like guys, I don't even think deserve them.
Like, YouTube guys, I'm like, be so fucking real right now. You sign that name for me, babe. No! Have you fucked someone that does YouTube? Multiple. I should have my own channel. No! Wait, but you've never fucked April Doberg, have you? I'm taking out my sunglasses for this.
You, okay. Are you fucking wearing my eyes? My eyes are like where am I? Okay, my eyes are like where am I? Where am I? Okay, that's- You thought I fucked David Dobrik? No, no, I'm outta here. Can we keep that in? What is the weirdest thing that someone has asked you to do in bed? You know, what is the weirdest thing? I probably the weirdest thing a guy is anything ass related. This one guy got on all fours and he was arching his back and I was eating his ass out.
I didn't love that for me. He loved that for him. Also, there was this one guy that had the extension bar. I told you about this. No, this fucked me up. Talk about it. Go. No, I'm not. This is the hog tie was fucking light work. The hog tie was not even the part I
Just part of the story I didn't explain. This guy had an extension bar and he had shit like, I hope you can see this right now. He had like the clanks here and the clanks on each ankle and there was a bar in between my legs. And if you move your legs like another inch, you can't go back in. So if you move your legs another inch, you can't go back in. So I was in like the splits for like three and a half hours. And I swear to God, I wasn't going to fly back from LA.
Cross-eyed, dislocated. Let me just say this. Holly and I are sitting next to each other in LA, having a cocktail. Bessie's. We're whispering sweet, nothing's to each other. They're like, I love you. I'm asking her just about her escapades. And she starts talking about this machine, essentially. It was giving Home Depot PR haul.
It's like a curtain rod between her fucking legs, but there's a spring. And when you said that, so are you, is this happening when you're getting fucked from behind? No. So I was on my back in the hogtie. That's what made it crazier was the hogtie I was in front. And I felt like a chandelier at one point. Yeah. He put the bar over his neck at one point and then flipped me over.
It was like, I can't move your legs. I thought I pulled a hamstring, Alex. I thought I was needed PT after this. Wait, what? I had recently watched the... Wait, what do you watch? Jake Gyllenhaal Show. Oh, you thought I was about to say, I got a video of it's end. I was like, oh, I'm being shocked. No, I, while she was explaining this to me, had watched the Jake Gyllenhaal Show, if any of you had watched it, it's like presumed innocent.
and the girl is murdered and she's wrapped up in a hog tie. So aside from a hog tie, what is like a weird thing? Like a weird thing that would make like Halle Batch elder be like, that definitely was on the Richter scale of like weird that a man has done to me. I mean, nothing makes me blush, but this one thing made me fear for many lives. I'm not gonna lie. Like this man was love bombing the absolute fuck out of me.
in a way where I was like aware it was happening but there was one that he called me and he always would call me spend two hours on the phone talking about fucking nonsense I don't fucking talk about I'm trying to go to bed or order Uber Eats I don't fucking say so he called me up and he's like I wrote a short story about you and I'm like oh my god like trying to be like so cutesy and like interested what was it about and he's like
I wrote it about you and like, you were my muse. And I was like, I've never been amused before. Like, tell me everything. I'm like, tell me everything. Every fucking detail. This story was basically like this random girl gets set up with this guy that works on our ranch. And they go on a first date, it's a blind date. And like, he like teaches people how to shoot a gun. And she's like, I'm scared of guns.
Anyways, she's like, whatever, they continue dating. And she keeps using the gun to like masturbate, to like fuck herself with the gun. She's like popping her pussy with the gun while he goes to work. Okay. And I was like, okay, this is a really good story. So he's like, yeah, like then she uses the gun. It's like a rifle to pop her pussy out of work. Well, anyways.
And there was one day, the end of the story was he walks in because he forgot his wallet or something. And she's like using the rifle to masturbate and accidentally shoots her whole fucking head off. Like, I go, that's so sweet. What? I might wear so in love.
So I'm like, this girl below is her brains out and I'm, I'm the moose. I'm like, what? I have like, I've never even talked about masturbating with this guy, but all of a sudden I am popping my pussy with a rifle. Dude, it's not fucking insane. I feel, so like, he walks in and like, it's like, he like, she's like, oh my God, he walked in, like, like what?
Here's the thing. I do feel like life is about how you handle moments. And I do feel like of any woman in the world for a man to share that kind of short story. You are the type of person that could maybe handle it better than another woman. Cause like some bitches would just literally start like crying on the phone being like, why would you tell me this? But you're like,
I was, I said, thank you. And then when you got off the phone, do you like call your friends or do you just like pick back up? Because that once, I mean, like, I can like handle a fucking weird, weird, like dirty text or whatever, but like a weird two hour story about like how I blew my head off with a rifle.
via master meeting. I didn't really know what to handle. So yes, they called my best friends. I was like, I don't handle as well. I'm about to visit him, whatever. And they're like, honestly, period. No, the period per will still do it. I still visited him and I came.
Hallie? Yeah. Hallie. Alex Snow. I couldn't get on that flight. I'm too paranoid I think he was gonna fucking kill me. I mean, your podcast is gonna be fucking insane. You're literally lounging like, which story should I tell about him? The hog ties? I would even consider that bad sex. That was good sex. You enjoyed that. I like that. What is the worst sex you've ever had? What would you consider bad sex?
There was this one guy hooked up with where he had this weird baby fetish, where he thought it was a doll.
or like a baby doll, and he was like, oh my pretty widow princess, this is my little girl, my little pretty widow princess. And I was like, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? He's like, just my pretty widow princess and he'd be tucked in bed. And I was like, do you need to be fucking murdered? Because I don't know about you're not gonna be right now. No, that's the day but shit I'm not into. Freak of the week. I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire. Okay. Who is the most famous person in your DMs?
You know this. You can't say it. You want me to say it? No, we're here. Or do we want to let you cook up with him first and then? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of famous people on my DM. How do you handle that? Do you like that? No. Well,
I mean, they're all fucking weird or losers. I feel like as a grown up I feel like I'll be so cool to like fuck a famous guy and then you're like, oh these famous people are fucking weird freaks. Like Scott Disick? Get out of my DMs. You weird fucking weird freak. Okay, have you ever hooked up with your friend's boyfriend?
Yeah. Well, like, it's Memorial Day weekend. And like, she consented. I mean, like, she was like, second sideways. I said, I was like, diagonal. No. Can I tell the story? Yeah, you can tell the story. But I won't tell who it is. No, like, please tell the story because I want to tell the story so bad. I think it's hilarious. It shows how close to me and Lauren are. She loves the story. Is she okay with it going back? Yes. Okay.
So, Holly and I are with Lauren, and we're with Grayden, and I don't know what happened, but we all started talking about sucking dick. And then all of a sudden, you guys both turned to me, and you have this like, statistic grin on, and you're both like, oh my God, should we show her? And I'm like, show me what? And you're like, let's show her. And Lauren was like, show her. You go, I need another drink before you show me. And then you took a massive gulp of a drink, and you go, okay, I'm ready.
And they pull up their phone and they go, this is a video of Hallie sucking my boyfriend's dick. And I'm filming it. And I'm like, hold on, hold on. Just for context, Daddy Gang, her Lauren is my Lauren. Like they are best friends. They do everything together. And how long have Lauren and her boyfriend been together? Four years. Four years. Okay. So they show me this video.
Honestly, great work. Great work by you. I learned from the best. And Halle is, I'm really good at sucking dick ass. Wait, don't.
Anyway, so I watched this and It was a masterpiece like it wasn't even like a weird video It felt like we were all in this together kind of vibe like Lauren was like moving to make sure she was getting the right angle The boyfriend was having a time you were having a good time. Yeah, I think she had a ring light But but how the fuck?
Do you and isn't it like now like a yearly thing? Yeah, she doesn't like to suck dick. What is this? Well, like it's like our inside joke like she doesn't like suck dick and I was like oh my god Do it for you and like we're all like really good friends like oh Yeah, she's so confident like she's too confident. She's so hot. She's like she's so hot. How many times have you done this like?
four score seven years ago multiple times like four times like three or four times and how do these nights begin they begin with the plant the seed being planted it's like okay this might happen later but usually it's always on Memorial Day weekend on Antucket like we go out we got a crew we have a couple cocktails the champagne's flowing and then someone's dick is being sold
And if it's her boyfriends, do you leave the room after and she fucks him or what is happening? Well, so it started was I want to watch them have sex. Like, I always was curious how Lauren fucked. I've never seen it before. So I, like, want to watch. I've never seen it before. So, like, you often see your best friend have sex. I mean, yeah. I mean, like, so picture this chair in the room. Okay. And they're, like, fucking on the bed. And I was just kind of, like, sitting there with, like, my legs crossed like this. And I was, like, kind of like a weird creeper.
Literally like smiling like I'm like cheers. I have like a notepad out. I'm like, all right. This is it. Okay There you go. How did you feel? Were you at all turned on or were you just like fascinated? I was like turned on but I was like No, I don't think we're three. I don't think we're gonna have a three way with Lauren Interesting, but you would suck her boyfriend's dick. Yeah
Well, she watches. That's like not that intimate. It's not that intimate. I would never hook up with Lauren. Interesting. Like, I've had many three ways. Lauren could never be in that situation. Why? I don't think she would want to be in that situation, first of all. And second of all, I think Lauren has too much respect for herself to be involved in whatever situation I want to be involved with.
But she'll let you suck her boyfriend's dick. She honestly looks at it as like me. She's like, oh my god, like he's a good dick. I'm sharing this with my best friend.
Oh my fucking god. Dude, that's some confident ass bitch that would be like- It's the most confidence I've ever seen that. Because she's not even like worried that you guys are gonna like ever do anything- Never. Never. Ever. It's insane. She's like, I want this for you. I want to share this goodness with you because you are my best friend. That's how she looks at it. And does she also say like, and also because you're so good at sucking dick? Yeah, and also she's like, I don't want a sock.
So you do it for me. And I have oral fixation. I used to bite my nails until I got them done. I hit the vape. Sucking dick calms me down. That's the promo. That's the title. Who needs therapy when you have a dick?
So you've had multiple threesomes. Many. What is the weirdest threesome you've ever had? The weirdest threesome I ever had. Thank you for asking. You're welcome. It was during COVID. Cut that. The way that you start stories, like it was Memorial Day, like the specificity. I was like, this one girl was hooking up with this guy and I hooked up with three of his brothers. Like, we cut that out.
We're at a house already and she's hooking up with this guy all day and I had a guy at the time and like I had FaceTime sex with this guy in the bathroom. So I was like popping my pussy in this bathroom and then I like was done, whatever. I came out and this couple is still hooking up and I was like, hmm, one here. Now that I'm here, now that I'm aroused and ready to fucking go, I'm ready to fire off.
They were like, why do you join? And I was like, okay, it was like the couch, like the living area of this like small-ass Boston apartment. Oh. And they were doing blow. Can I say that? Yeah. So they were doing blow. And she was like, let's just like it'd be funny if we both did blow off his dick. So like one of them be sucking, one of them be doing blow, suck blow, suck blow, suck blow the whole rotation. This girl ultimately like takes off all her clothes. And then she starts like riding this guy.
And then I sat on his face, and then we swap, swap, swap. And then I was like, the human son to beat situation, reverse. Did you enjoy that moment? Like, did you actually have fun? Yeah, Bill's character. What is the biggest lie you've ever got caught in? I didn't give you comedy, yeah. I did. I did, though. Okay. What is your favorite sex position?
You know, I would say on top, it's quickest and easiest, and get some out of my apartment quickest. You get those new tits, it's gonna be quick. You know, you're like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. But I also like doggy, but guys, you not like to have doggy with me because there's not much recoil going on. It's like a negative recoil. It's like putty. It's like play-doh.
Look, because the tits are in the front and there's nothing in the back. I thought I would get fake tits and distract from my like lack of ass. It's like putty ass. Have you ever been in love? Absolutely not. What's your most controversial opinion, do you think? Annuals pleasant.
How, if you're hooking up with someone 10 times, how many times are you doing anal of those 10 times? I mean, I've probably had more anal than. No, stop, we can't. Wait, you're like, you're hitting the anal train? I mean, I'm a good candidate. I don't like food. So like, there's only me. Can you see that? Have you ever gone back to front and gotten a kidney infection? Yeah.
Let me have a UTI. I think I have a UTI on my LV right now. Are you able to come from anal? Depends who you ask. Wait, what? I don't know. Who have I faked for? 10 times of sex, how many times are you faking your orgasm? Usually not. I'm actually really good at finishing. Do you use a vibrator? It's like my superpower. No, I just use them as a dildo with a heartbeat. Usually it's me on top, actually riding into the sunset. And then whatever you want to do with me after is...
Are you often making eye contact during sex? Yeah, it helps me. It does. Yeah. I couldn't tell if you'd be someone that's like, I'm not gonna go deep emotionally. It depends how ugly they are. Honestly.
Okay, let's talk about your podcast. Okay. Extra dirty. It comes out tomorrow. Yes. How do you feel about it? I'm excited. I just feel like I want to get some unhinged shit online again. We got to bring that back. So I'm excited to actually tell a good
Fucking story. Yeah, there's no there's I need no censorship. I'm excited for you to Talk about your life because I feel like the fact that you have garnered such an audience already and people love your debriefs and like everything about your life, but you're right like
It's so tiny, the amount that you're able to give because of how salacious your stories are on TikTok. You are giving bite-size information and people are loving it already. And so I feel like the concept of you actually be able to sit down for like an hour at a time and give deep briefs that are, there is literally nothing that you can't say. No one is telling you like, Halle, that's too much. Halle, that's not enough. Like you can say whatever the fuck you want. It's kind of exciting. I'm very excited. It's gonna be really good. It's almost like a breath of fresh air.
I feel like a lot of people are so filtered just online and general. Yeah. Even if it's like not like a salacious story, whether it's just like pointing out your flaws, I really want to get into that and just like have like a true life online experience. Have you ever felt like you over shared too much on the internet? I over share all the time. I mean, I've over shared to you. Like you, you're like, okay. Do you ever regret it or no?
with you are online. Both. No. It's just like what makes me me. I overshare and like I feel like that's a real life experience to be oversharing. It sucks and you're gonna deal with like the repercussions in the morning but then fuck you get through it and honestly it builds character. There is nothing I'm more excited for than your show.
It's going to be so fun. Truly, every Thursday, Hallie Batchelder coming to you live, extra dirty. It's going to fucking happen. And by the time this is out, Daddy Gang, Hallie Show is coming out tomorrow, on Thursday. And we will be in New York City partying and celebrating. I love you. Thank you for coming on and spilling your secrets. And now let's go to dinner. I love you so much. Love you.