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    Podcast Summary

    • Embracing Change and Prioritizing Personal Well-being for Happiness and FulfillmentChoose to cultivate positive qualities and prioritize personal well-being to achieve happiness and fulfillment in life.

      Both Eric Zimmerman and Dan Harris have found fulfillment and control in their transition away from corporate jobs. Dan, in particular, expresses the benefits of being in control of his own schedule and having more time to spend with his family. Although there may be occasional moments of identity crisis, both individuals appreciate the positive aspects of their new lifestyles. The conversation also highlights the importance of consciously choosing which "wolf" to feed in life. The parable of the two wolves resonates with Dan, emphasizing the significance of cultivating positive qualities such as kindness, bravery, and love, rather than succumbing to negative traits like greed, hatred, and fear. Ultimately, the key takeaway is that embracing change and prioritizing personal well-being can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

    • Unlocking the Power of Self-Improvement: Revisiting our perceptions and embracing personal growthBy challenging our self-perceptions and being less judgmental, we can understand the complexities behind behavior, enabling us to relate and navigate emotions in a more positive way.

      Our minds are trainable and we are not stuck with factory settings. We have the ability to work on ourselves, both the aspects we struggle with and our positive attributes. It is important to recognize that the stories we tell ourselves about who we are may not be entirely true. We tend to project these conclusions onto the world and others, leading to judgment and misconceptions. By being less judgmental, we can see the complexity and multitude of factors that influence behavior. Most behaviors, even those we label as "bad," are often reactions to past experiences or cultural influences. Understanding this complexity allows us to relate to ourselves and others differently, using our fear, anger, and greed in a more constructive manner.

    • Disarming difficult aspects: a radical approach to regaining control.By warmly accepting and exploring our difficult aspects without feeding into them, we can cultivate a different mindset and regain power over our own thoughts and actions.

      In order to deal with our difficult aspects, we should view them warmly and recognize them as ancient programs that are trying to help us, but are not highly functional. The goal is not to bully or slay these aspects, but to disarm them by extending warmth and acceptance towards them. This approach is not indulgent, but rather a radical way of disarming their power. It is important to befriend these aspects without feeding into them, allowing them to be present and exploring them to a certain extent. However, at some point, we need to shift our focus and cultivate different thoughts or behaviors. By utilizing various strategies from psychology and meditation, we can achieve a different relationship with these aspects and regain power over our own thoughts and actions.

    • Exploring Different Approaches to Personal Growth and Well-beingFinding the right combination of practices for personal growth involves open-minded exploration and personalized approaches to cultivate well-being and self-awareness.

      There are various approaches to personal growth and well-being, and it's important to find what works for you. Dan Harris discusses five different approaches that have worked for him: mindfulness, love and kindness, Internal Family Systems (IFS), self-compassion, and internal counter programming. These approaches draw from both ancient Buddhist practices and modern psychological tools. It's emphasized that these practices may initially seem unfamiliar or uncomfortable, but it's worth exploring them with an open mind. The conversation highlights the importance of personalization and finding a combination of practices that resonate with you. Ultimately, it's about discovering what helps you cultivate a sense of well-being and self-awareness.

    • Embracing the Awkward: Unconventional Practices for Personal GrowthStepping out of our comfort zone and embracing unconventional practices like meditation and therapy can lead to personal freedom and self-awareness.

      Embracing cheesy or awkward practices can lead to freedom and self-improvement. Dan Harris and Eric Zimmerman discuss how certain practices, such as meditation and therapy, may initially seem strange or ridiculous but can ultimately have significant benefits for the mind and well-being. They highlight the importance of self-distancing and giving a name to different aspects of one's personality, as it allows for objectivity and better understanding. Despite their initial skepticism, both Harris and Zimmerman acknowledge the effectiveness of these practices and the positive impact they can have on personal growth. This conversation reminds us that stepping out of our comfort zone and exploring unconventional methods can ultimately lead to personal freedom and self-awareness.

    • Cultivating love through skills and effective communicationLove is not limited to romantic relationships, but includes our capacity to care for others and ourselves. Developing skills in self-compassion, compassion for others, and effective communication can lead to stronger relationships and better overall well-being.

      Love is a skill that can be trained and developed through various modalities. Dan Harris emphasizes that love goes beyond romantic or familial relationships, encompassing our capacity to care for others and ourselves. The five skills mentioned earlier, such as self-compassion and compassion for others, are part of the spectrum of self-love. However, there are additional skills that contribute to effective communication and working with others. Dan mentions his experience with Buddhist-inflected communications coaches who have transformed his interactions. He suggests that communication skills are crucial and recommends authors like Patterson and Carrie who emphasize psychological safety in relating to others. The conversation also touches on managing anxiety and panic attacks, highlighting the importance of finding effective coping mechanisms.

    • Dan Harris Overcomes Panic Through Persistence and Exposure TherapyUnderstanding the triggers and distinctions between panic and anxiety is crucial in overcoming and managing panic. With persistence and exposure therapy, it is possible to regain control and live a fulfilling life.

      Dan Harris experienced a resurgence of panic after successfully managing it for years. He acknowledges the importance of understanding the reasons behind this resurgence and distinguishes between panic and anxiety. For Dan, panic is triggered by specific situations like public speaking and feeling physically trapped. He shares his struggles with panic attacks during public appearances and on planes, which was embarrassing and demoralizing for him as a meditation advocate and mental health expert. However, through exposure therapy and persistence, Dan was able to overcome his panic and regain control over his life. He emphasizes the difference between high anxiety and daily anxiety, using different tools to cope with each.

    • Understanding Anxiety vs. Panic and Effective Communication TechniquesReflective listening is an effective communication technique that can help in understanding and managing anxiety and panic. Various triggers can cause panic, while everyday anxiety may stem from different sources. Factors like pandemic-induced changes can influence the resurfacing of anxiety and panic.

      Anxiety and panic have distinct differences. Anxiety is characterized by daily background fear that can fluctuate in intensity depending on circumstances, while panic involves the activation of fight or flight response, leading to severe debilitation and physical symptoms resembling a heart attack. Reflective listening, the skill of summarizing someone's thoughts in one's own words, is an effective communication technique to ensure understanding. It is also noted that anxiety can range from lower levels (around seven or eight) to higher levels such as panic (a ten), with varying physical sensations. The conversation highlights how specific triggers, like acute events or phobias, can cause panic, while everyday anxiety may stem from different sources and manifest in anger, distraction, or worrisome thoughts. The resurfacing of panic and anxiety can be influenced by factors such as pandemic-induced changes in routines and environmental exposure.

    • Embracing Setbacks and Self-Doubt: A Nonlinear Journey Towards Personal GrowthSeek help, acknowledge struggles, and remember that personal growth is a continuous process with ups and downs along the way.

      Personal growth and the spiritual path are not linear journeys. It is common to experience setbacks and make mistakes along the way. Panic and self-doubt can creep in, causing us to withdraw and make our lives smaller. However, it is important to recognize that this is a natural part of the process. Seeking help from mental health experts and being treated promptly can help in navigating these challenges. It is courageous to acknowledge our struggles and share them with others, even if we have knowledge and expertise in the field. Growth is more like a spiral staircase, where we may face the same challenges again but with more tools and resilience to work with them. Ultimately, it is important to remember that life can still present difficulties, even for wise and knowledgeable individuals.

    • The Importance of Exercising with the Right MotivationsExercising for personal growth and happiness, instead of external pressures, leads to greater satisfaction and consistency in fitness routines. Aligning motivations with long-term goals and values promotes successful and sustainable exercise.

      Exercising for the right reasons can lead to stickier habits and a healthier mindset. Dan Harris and Eric Zimmerman discuss the motivation behind exercise and how it can shift over time. They emphasize the importance of understanding why we exercise and choosing motivations that align with our values and well-being. Rather than being driven by external factors like body image or societal pressures, they suggest finding purpose in staying healthy for loved ones and building mental and emotional resilience. By consciously connecting exercise to personal growth and happiness, we can find greater satisfaction and consistency in our fitness routines. Ultimately, the key to successful and sustainable exercise lies in aligning our motivations with our long-term goals and values.

    • The Power of Short-term MotivationShort-term motivators, such as immediate mental and emotional health benefits from exercise, can be powerful. Having multiple motivations can be helpful, but prioritizing wholesome motivations is important for long-term success.

      Having a shorter time horizon can be a powerful motivator. Eric emphasizes the importance of exercise for mental and emotional health, as the benefits are more immediate compared to long-term health concerns. Dan adds that visualizing loved ones during exercise can provide additional motivation. They discuss the idea that having multiple motivations can weaken the primary motivation, but Eric believes that different motivations can be helpful on different days. However, Dan suggests that it is important to examine and prioritize wholesome motivations over unwholesome ones. Eric reflects on his own motivations and acknowledges the blend of financial and approval-driven motives in his career. Ultimately, they agree that focusing on wholesome motivations should be encouraged.

    • The Power of Quality Time and Building Strong BondsInvesting time in meaningful moments with loved ones strengthens relationships and creates a positive cycle of support and happiness, allowing us to make a greater impact in the world.

      Spending quality time with loved ones, especially one-on-one, can have a profound impact on our relationships and overall well-being. Dan Harris reflects on his experience of taking a trip with his son, realizing the importance of bonding and creating memories together. Despite his busy schedule, he made it a priority to have uninterrupted time with his son, which ultimately brought them closer. This practice has continued, as Dan now frequently brings his son along for his work travels. By investing time and energy into nurturing relationships with our loved ones, we not only strengthen those connections but also create a positive cycle of support, happiness, and the ability to do more good in the world.

    • Consistent effort and investment for personal growth and happinessConsistent effort and investment in relationships, mindfulness, and personal development can lead to significant personal growth and increased happiness over time.

      Personal growth and happiness are not limited by time or external circumstances. Dan Harris and Eric Zimmerman both share experiences of how investing time and effort into their relationships with their children yielded profound rewards. The quality time spent with their children during the ages of five to ten was particularly significant for both individuals. Additionally, Dan Harris explains that practicing mindfulness and other mental skills, such as meditation, can lead to continuous improvement and increased happiness over time. It is emphasized that even small increments of progress can accumulate and compound, resulting in significant personal growth and a higher level of happiness. Thus, the key takeaway is that through consistent effort and investment, individuals can greatly enhance their relationships and overall well-being.

    • The Journey of Personal Growth: Patience, Persistence, and PerspectivePersonal growth is a gradual journey that involves ups and downs. Embrace the small improvements and understand that setbacks are normal. Avoid obsessing over progress and allow yourself time for transformation to occur.

      Personal growth and transformation is a gradual and nonlinear process. Progress may not be immediately visible on a day-to-day basis, but over time, the accumulation of small improvements can lead to radical transformation. Just like compounding in investing, personal growth involves ups and downs, but the overall trajectory tends to average out positively. It's important not to get too hung up on short-term setbacks or expect constant linear progression. Instead, it's best to take a broad and patient perspective, understanding that personal growth is a long and continuous journey. Checking progress obsessively or seeking instant enlightenment can hinder the process.

    Recent Episodes from Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

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    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/benjamin-perry


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    Other resources mentioned: 


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    Description: 

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    Book Mentioned:


    Other Resources Mentioned:



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    How to Deal With Emotionally Immature People (Including Maybe Your Own Parents) | Lindsay C. Gibson

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    Description: 

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    Books Mentioned:


    Other Resources Mentioned:


    Additional Resources:


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    Being kind is part of who I am

    Being kind is part of who I am
    Hello and welcome to Martin Hewlett's Calming Anxiety.

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    You Are Not a Sh*tty Person | Carla Naumburg

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    There’s so much compelling research behind the notion of self compassion. Even though many of us think we need an internal cattle prod in order to retain our edge, research shows that people who have a supportive inner attitude — who have their own back — are more resilient and effective. Not to mention happier. And nicer.


    And yet, it is easy for skeptics to be turned off by some of the language and practices of self compassion. So today we brought in a guest who puts it in plain English, and is very funny. 


    Carla Naumburg PhD is a clinical social worker, author, and mother. She has a lot to say about self compassion, and she does so in a way that skeptics will find appealing. 


    One other note about Carla. A lot of her books are directed at parents, especially parents who are self critical. But this episode is aimed at everybody. We do talk a little bit about parenting at the end, but it’s not the main focus. Just so you have it, her books have titles such as: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids and You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent. It’s common for parents to think they suck. It’s also common for humans to think we suck. That we are somehow terrible people. Sit back, relax, and let Carla disabuse you of that notion.


    In this episode we talk about:


    • What Carla calls “shitty human syndrome”
    • Asking ourselves, what do I need right now?
    • How, for skeptics, the data on the effectiveness of compassion practices is a powerful incentive.
    • The third arrow of denial and distraction
    • The very human problem of not knowing how to deal with our feelings.  
    • Using “noticing, connection, curiosity, and kindness” as ways to get super clear about the practice of self-compassion 
    • Curiosity as the antidote to judgment
    • How loving-kindness ties into the ability to treat ourselves with self-compassion.
    • Kinder self-talk
    • Practicing self-care by setting boundaries 
    • Single tasking as a strategy for decreasing stress
    • And, using acronyms like SNAFU and KISS as a simple way to quickly access complicated thoughts


    Content Warning: This episode contains explicit language. There is a clean version over on the TPH app and website



    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/carla-naumburg-570


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    The Many Benefits of a “Paradox Mindset” | Dolly Chugh

    The Many Benefits of a “Paradox Mindset” | Dolly Chugh

    The human animal doesn’t love paradox. We love a clear, simple story. Us versus them. Good versus evil. But life is rarely like that. This is especially true when it comes to wrestling with history. Our guest today calls it the patriot’s dilemma. How do you love your country while also acknowledging the painful and horrifying stuff that has happened in the past?


    Dolly Chugh is a professor at the New York University Stern School of Business where she teaches MBA courses in leadership and management. This is her second time on the show. The last time she came on, she spoke about the concept of being “good-ish. One of the reasons we get defensive when people criticize us is that we feel like it’s a threat to our precious notion of being a good person. But if you have a good-ish mindset, then there’s always room to grow. Her new book, A More Just Future, encourages us to do that for America.


    Content Warning: This episode includes brief mentions of slavery and violence.


    In this episode, we talked about:

    • Why Dolly was scared to write this book
    • What the home team bias is and how it shows up when we think about our past
    • What belief grief is
    • The “long time ago illusion”
    • And, what Dolly calls being a gritty patriot 



    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dolly-chugh-568

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    What Is Mindfulness, Really? And How Do You Know if You’re Doing It Right? | Diana Winston

    What Is Mindfulness, Really? And How Do You Know if You’re Doing It Right? | Diana Winston

    Mindfulness is a word that is in danger of becoming meaningless. In this episode, we dig into the meaning of mindfulness, how to practice without getting overwhelmed, and how to stop the judgment spiral.


    Today’s guest is Diana Winston, the Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center. She has written several books, including The Little Book of Being, and Fully Present, the Science, Art and Practice of Mindfulness, which she co-authored with Susan Smalley, and which is celebrating its tenth anniversary. Diana has been practicing mindfulness meditation since 1989, including a year as a Buddhist nun in Burma. 


    In this episode we talk about:


    • How Diana defines mindfulness
    • How we know if we’re in a state of bonafide mindfulness
    • The difference between mindfulness as a trait and mindfulness as a state 
    • Whether you have to meditate to achieve mindfulness as a trait
    • What current scientific research says about the benefits of meditation
    • The link between intuition, happiness and authenticity
    • Her definition of happiness
    • How meditation can help us relate to our bodies differently
    • How to stop the self-judgment spiral
    • Creating a top ten list to deal with difficult thoughts
    • How to use meditation for chronic pain
    • Striking a balance between reason and intuition
    • The ripple effects of practicing meditation
    • And how to start practicing mindfulness without getting overwhelmed


    Full Shownotes:https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/diana-winston

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    Alexander Dreymon (Star of Netflix’s “The Last Kingdom”) on: Therapy, Marriage, Anger, Masculinity, Meditation, and Being Nice (Even If You’re a Viking)

    Alexander Dreymon (Star of Netflix’s “The Last Kingdom”) on: Therapy, Marriage, Anger, Masculinity, Meditation, and Being Nice (Even If You’re a Viking)

    Alexander Dreymon is the star of a great show on Netflix called “The Last Kingdom.” He plays a Viking, so you're literally not going to find a guy who is more stereotypically masculine. But I've gotten to know Alexander recently and he's also incredibly thoughtful. 


    We cover a lot of ground in this conversation: marriage, parenting, anger therapy, sleep, human connection, meditation, masculinity, and, uh, how to show your body on Netflix without developing body dysmorphia. We also talk a lot about his show, which is awesome, although it is coming to an end — just a few days ago, Netflix posted the series finale, a movie-length episode called “Seven Kings Must Die” that wraps up the whole story. 


    In this episode we talk about:

    • how having male friends makes his romantic relationship even better
    • The importance of therapy, of silliness and of kindness
    • the importance of exercise in his life and how he tries not to get overly attached to his body looking a certain way
    • a whole discussion between the two of us on the Buddhist idea of non-self 
    • what his meditation practice looks like now that he has a toddler around the house
    • what it's like to wrap up his show, the Last Kingdom, and what might be next


    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/-alexander-dreymon-585 


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