Episode 304: ABG Favorites - Looking Back to Look Ahead - Our Vision Board for 2024 (Episode 253)

Hi everyone, it's Janet here and I'm wishing you all a very slightly belated Merry Christmas. I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season so far, getting to spend lots of time with close friends and family, resting a lot, eating well, sleeping well. And as a way to celebrate this season, you know, those few days before the new year when we might be reflecting on the last 360 plus days, we thought it would be nice to replay our first episode from this year.

Episode 253, looking back to look ahead for 2024. Wow, it was only a year ago, but honestly, this episode almost feels like it was so long ago. I really hope that you'll be inspired by this conversation to reflect on your own year so that you can determine how you want this new next year that's coming up so quickly to play out. And that way, you'll be able to start your 2025 with a fresh, exciting, and inspired state of mind.

I hope you enjoy the episode. Welcome to ABG Asian Boss Girl, a podcast for the modern day Asian American woman. I'm Janet. I'm Mel and I'm Helen.

Hello everyone and welcome to the first episode of 2024. Happy New Year everyone. Happy New Year. As everyone feeling refreshed, re-energized. Ready for a brand spanking new year.

Hey, we're in 2024. That's crazy. Isn't that crazy? Right? That's wild. I thought the holidays were just here. Yeah, I know. Speaking of the New Year, we did want to talk about our new line of merch that we're all kind of wearing. Yay! So if you notice, hello, myself. We are matching. We are wearing the Do Not Disturb crew neck in the Zonly color. So Do Not Disturb crew. Let me show you the back real quick. Yeah. A little. Whoa! Wow! She dropped it.

And Janae is wearing the best as yet to come tea. Drop a J. This was not planned. We're coming in hot this new year. The best is yet to come. The best is going right out. We also have a new tote. I actually wear our totes all the time. So if you're looking to carry your new books.

Your journals, this is a great tote for you to have. And lastly, I will say this is actually my favorite item from the collection and I brought some back home to my grandpa in Taiwan and he's wearing it now, but it is our signature cat. The best. The color is just so beautiful and I feel like right now since we're still in January, it's like perfect for this cold weather. The color is just so lush too.

Yeah, new year, new collection, new fit, new vibe, new mood. Asian Boss Girl dot Myshopify dot com. Also link it below so you can just click there. So since this is the first episode of the new year, we thought it'd be good to talk about our personal themes for the upcoming year. What is Helen focused on for 2024? What are Mel's biggest missions in life for this upcoming year? What is the one word that Janet has on her vision board for the next 361 days? Five.

3.65. It's coming out on the fourth. Oh, you're right. Quick math. Nothing. Finance. That doesn't make sense.

So what we're gonna do today is one approach to setting new year goals. Instead of just sitting down and writing down a list of things that we wanna accomplish, as Helen talked about, we're gonna reflect, think about the last year, 2023, how did that go? Think about how we want to experience 2024, each of us individually, and then we'll come up with a theme that way. So it's kind of like a little bit of an exercise we're gonna walk through. I love this.

OK, so to start, we're going to reflect back in order to look forward. Thinking back to 2023, what are three words that you would use to describe last year? I guess I'll go first to take off my hat. Don't drop that hat. I'm sorry. I don't know if you don't have a hat cap stand. I kind of struggled a bit with this for a second. I'm like, how do you find three words to describe a whole year? But I narrowed it down. My first word is foundational.

Second word is low key. And the third word maybe relates to low key is cozy. I'll share more details as we go through that. So for me, the reason why I said foundational is because this is the first year I felt like I was really settling into my relationship. And I think that changes a lot of your dynamics. And it was a really foundational year for me.

as a couple and as a person in a new relationship and just setting good foundations. Low key, I feel like in comparing myself to previous years, I kind of kept it like really chill and like, I don't want to say a Herman did this year, but I did kind of like, I was at home a lot and I kept things kind of more, I don't want to say private, but I just think in general, like my activities were just like,

Low key. I can't describe any more than low key. More chill. More chill. I didn't do crazy things. I don't want to say it wasn't exciting, but I think I lived a quieter life last year, in my opinion. And the last one is cozy, again, with being low key at home.

I think a lot of activities I chose to do were really cozy activities, like a lot of cooking at home, a lot of cozying up on the couch and just like a lot of like cooking and cleaning, just like cozy activity. So if I had to think about my year, I would describe in those three words. Are you happy about these words? I will share more about that in the next next prompts. So before I share my three words, I think just a bit of reflection of this past year. So this past year actually marks

my two years of being a parent. And yeah, wild, right? But when I reflect on the past now, or even when I think about the future, I notice that everything revolves around my son. Even though I still lead a pretty vibrant personal life, running this company with you ladies, still maintaining healthy friendships, still pursuing personal passion projects, I do still feel like a lot of it is now revolving around me being a mom.

And I think it's important to have these pauses for reflection because a lot of times I've talked to other moms who have worn me. They're like, I have a three and five year old now. I have like a high schooler now and I don't even know where life went. It just passed me by and I am just a mom now.

And I remember hearing that and thinking to myself, like, oh my gosh, I don't know if I want to catch myself feeling that way in the future, you know? And so with this process of like reflecting, I've noticed that because I'm doing this, I'm noticing that within me, there is like a transformation that is happening.

And it's happening quite naturally too. I think just whenever you become a parent or mom, it's like, it is naturally happening to me. And I'm noticing that if I don't kind of pause to reflect on it, then I will just go with the flow. And I will kind of miss this opportunity to take the reins on my life. So this is where I'm like, it is actually more important now for me to reflect than ever before.

You know, so three words to describe my 2023 with this like context in mind. The first three words are phrases, I guess. My first phrase is a mom and her village. Sounds like the title of like a book. Yes, a mom and a village. So the beginning of this past year in 2023, I actually had a moment where I thought to myself like, Helen, do you actually want to be a full time stay at home mom? And I never really vocalized this to probably anyone outside of like just my husband, right? And obviously to myself, but

It was a question I asked myself because there were many days where I would sit in the car and I would look in the rear room mirror and I would look at myself with a face full of makeup and just be like, what are you doing? You know, you just left your son at home. He's crying for you. You're in your car about to go about your day. It's like, what are you even doing? You know, and there were so many moments of this and I would just like cry and just be like, I don't know what I'm doing. And I think these are like,

the real and raw moments with motherhood and especially if you're kind of choosing to lean into your career that these moments are going to happen and they're so tough, right? And they make you wonder if this is the right decision or not.

And I will say that these moments are deeply felt, but they're also temporary. And I will also think to myself, like, I also find a lot of happiness in Helen, right? Helen, as we've known, pre-baby, as you have all known since 2017, since I started this podcast, like, I have always been me as well, and I've also found happiness in myself and in my own identity. And in 2023, I realized I wanted to lean more into

into both, but like also not forget Helen and Lean into her as well. So a lot of that requires balance and it requires a village. Me as a mom and her village. So that's why it's like my first phrase. And I just want to give a quick shout out to Phillips parents who, you know, move down here for a year to help out with our baby. And we also have a caregiver who's there from seven to three to allow me to like work and pursue these passions of mine. So a mom in her village, that's how it's getting done. But there's a lot of thinking behind it.

Totally. Yeah. My second word is rediscovery. I think the first year as a mom was filled with happiness, excitement, so much joy, but also so much fear. I still remember the moment that the nurse had put my baby on my chest, I was just like, I don't even know how to hold you. I'm so afraid. I was just like, I am not a good mom. This is so scary to me, but at the same time, that moment,

unlocked this new level of life of happiness that I had not felt before. So it's just that whole first year dealing with PPD post-partum depression, like a lot of it. It was the extremes of so many emotions and I did not have control of anything, right? The second year now, I feel like, yes, things are still chaotic, but

I feel like I know how to thrive in that chaos. If that makes, I'm comfortable with the chaos now. And it's familiar, right? And you get familiar with it and you get better at it. So this year, I feel like I've started to rediscover myself a little bit, start to find Helen again with her, as a mom in her village. And so rediscovery is my second word.

Third word is purity. There is something about just this baby boy where anytime we go anywhere, anytime I observe him, he just finds so much joy in the littlest of things. And I'm just like, damn, it's a reminder, he's a reminder that life can be so easy if you don't make it so complicated. And it is just a pureness that I haven't felt or really truly felt in myself in a long time.

Observing him as he's getting older as he's able to observe the world. I think it's just like the most fascinating thing ever and it does give me happiness and just purity again. So, mom in her village, rediscovery and purity are my three words for 2023. And again, revolves all around baby boy now. Yeah, but also a lot of it's like, but you and your dynamic and your relationship with that. Yeah, I'm excited to hear the rest of this. Yeah, yeah. Have a great day.

My three words are, 2023 for me was hard, humbling, joyful. And I feel like, so Mel the way you described that your ear felt really low key, I felt like mine was like high key.

I feel like your microwave was exploding with mercury. Mercury was in the microwave and it was everywhere. Yeah, I felt like this year was, it really challenged me. And if you watch past episodes, you know that I entered a relationship, moved in with the partner.

All for the, well, it was like my first like very serious committed relationship in like probably over a decade, first time living with someone in over a decade. And then we picked up like going into video and ABG. So it was just, I think balancing all the things like logistically, emotionally, mentally, everything was just so, it was really,

challenging and hard I had a lot of days where I like I'm like wow I haven't felt this like kind of like just exhausted and kind of like I don't even know what I have to do next I have to get things done by a certain time and then I think in that way it was also humbling because

You know, sometimes I think maybe my year before, I think my 2022 is kind of a little bit more low key. And that's why the ramping up a 2023 was challenging, but also a very humbling experience. And I think within my romantic relationship, it was also really humbling when things don't work out with someone.

As I shared in previous episodes, especially I think the context of being an older individual and having a goal of wanting to find a life partner, it can be very like makes you reflect on how you might fall short. And I don't want to say that as a negative thing, but I think a positive way to spin it is that you can be humbled by it, right? And then I say joyful because I think out of whenever I go through really, really hard things,

out of the other end eventually comes out like a lot of positivity and a lot of growth. And I feel like I am now at the receiving end of that near the end of 2023, beginning of 2024. A lot of the challenges that was of like three-fourths of the year, I'm starting to feel like the growth part of it. Like that you're reaping the fruits of all that labor now. That's an exciting start to 2024 for you then. Yeah. It's almost like you can only go solo.

Yeah, it's like literally. Like literally, yes. That's not wood. I want to find wood. That's a fig tree. What were some significant lessons you learned this year that you will take forward with you in 2024?

Who, I think just reflecting on my three words, I realized I feel like something was actually missing in my life last year in 2023. And after some reflection, I realized I was missing the aspect of

One of my, two of my values, which was like inner harmony, which is, which is doing things purely for the joy of it because it makes me really happy and not affected by anyone else. And to you, I didn't have enough personal growth and development. I think again, um, when I use the word foundational, I feel like I think I needed a low key year to really focus on my relationship and focus for me. My goal for 23 was actually like fitness and nutrition. I think I really like went hard with that.

And I'm proud of myself for that. So like, that does serve some of personal development, but I think it wasn't, maybe it didn't like provide enough excitement for me. I don't know what it was, but then also with my relationship with Ray, I was just like focused on like, I guess like honing on my relationship. I was actually talking about this with Ray and like talking about how I felt about 2023 and then what I needed for 2024. And there are a couple of things I identify for 2024 that I do need. I want to travel more. And I, the reason why is because when I reflected on 2022,

the year two years previously, I actually had a really satisfying year because I went to Costa Rica that year and I went on a surf trip, which combined my love for travel and trying something new and personal development and inner harmony, all these things at once. So I didn't only get to do for myself last year. I think because like, I was also really focused on saving money and traveling is expensive that you're like, okay, well, like trying to find the right balance. So I think for 2024, I'm very intentional on going on more trips.

And on top of that, I realized the reason why I didn't go on any trips last year besides budgeting is that I think in my head, I was like saving all these potential trips with my boyfriend. But the thing is, it's just like, I could still go on these trips with my girlfriends from back home or like our friends.

I think once I identify like, oh my god, in travel enough this year, and Ray was like, no, you should go on trips. I want you to feel satisfied in that. I don't wait for me. Do things on your own. I was like, yeah, I can't. And I don't know why I forgot that. I think there's a feeling of when you have a new relationship, you want to do the things you love together with someone.

Cool. I think that's, I mean, just to validate you on that, that's, I think, a lot of what happened with me as well, and focusing a lot on the relationship, and then you became kind of like, it's easy to put yourself to the side, right? Which is natural, because you're trying to build a foundation, but I'm really glad that you were able to talk to him about that, and then you identified, okay, so then next year, I'm gonna rebalance a little bit, and now that we've built our foundation, I can focus a little bit more on me again. Yeah, and I think so.

Thank you for sharing that. Traveling is something I want to focus on for next year. And I want to just focus more on my hobbies. I wrote down, I just really, I really want to get a good camera. I know just so like basic, but I want to get into photography more for 2024. The reason why I say photography, and I mentioned this before, is because I love seeing things in a different lens. And I think when you're with the, like a camera and not your iPhone, you're able to like,

I think you're able to pause a little bit longer and enjoy and practice gratitude in a different way that I really want to do more of in 2024. And I guess the overall thing is I just want to add back more inner harmony and personal development. Yeah, so those are some of my focuses for 2024.

I mean, I definitely see the three line of like 2023 being the year that you were really focused on, like you're saying stay at home building a foundation of one part of your life and your partnership. And then now this year is going to be fulfilling more of like your personal things. I definitely see that connection. Actually, if you think about the words that you mentioned before, it kind of felt like you were settling into this relationship or like getting comfortable in this relationship and perhaps that took you out of your, your meld zone of like, yes, you were focusing on fitness, but a lot of it was your relationship and it

fell into like comfort, more just like coziness, right? And now you're like, okay, well, what did Mel enjoy pre-relationship? This is what I'm gonna go for in 2024. So yeah, I think those are good lessons or like realizations from 2023 for you though.

I think for me, um, three lessons that I've learned for myself. One is that I am more capable than I allow myself to believe. So last year is when we first started simulcasting, right? So for anyone out there who is watching on the YouTube,

Simulcasting means putting your audio podcast on a video visual format as well. So check us out on YouTube if you're not already. I remember when we were talking about this, I was one of the people that was really trying to push this forward as like, this is a thing that is happening within the podcasting landscape. This is something we should definitely be doing. We've been doing this for many years now. We got to, you know, stick with what is happening, adapt to the trends, right?

But for me in my mind, I was like, totally trying to veto this. I'm trying to like push this like as far away as possible. I was just like, I'm not comfortable with this at all. Never thought I would be comfortable in front of a camera. And I was, as you ladies know, like I loved my outlines. I love my notes. I love just having it in front of me. Like it was my comfort. I love just sitting at home in my PJs and just no makeup. Just like, so chill, right? So this was something that I did not think that I could get used to.

And even when we first started podcasting in 2017, I remember the first two years, I would always have this like quiver in my throat. And for people who have been following us for a while, y'all know about the quiver, but that comes out when I'm nervous or I don't feel confident in myself. I think podcasting was just never in my DNA. Like this is not something that comes natural to me at all. And for sure, this is something that has just been built up over time. And now we're here, you know, and now we're doing the thing that I feared the most this past year, which was starting this.

And I think what I'm realizing is that when I am perhaps most fearful of something, it is because it is, I know it is a stepping stone to where I want to be. And I know that if I put myself in a situation to potentially fail at it, then I don't even want to try it. You know what I mean? Yeah, very natural.

But I think that what this has proven to me is that with those sweat reps, with time, with leaning into being a bit more courageous and just also trusting your friends and trusting that you're in good hands.

I don't know. I feel rather proud of myself for being here today and saying talking to the camera. But it's, I don't know, it feels like a big deal. It is a big deal. I remember you even just sharing any type of public speaking. It's like it is a

like a big natural figure. It is anxiety-inducing. Yeah. To say the least. Yeah. But you've been doing a great, a great job. And I'm also proud of us. I feel like I was also like, we've got to get on video. We've got to get on video. But we all kind of felt a little bit personally nervous about it. Yes. And you ladies are doing amazing too.

But yes, that is one thing where it's like leaning more into the things that I feel are most fearful to me. And a second lesson that I've learned from 2023 is how important it is for me to focus on my relationship with my husband. I think because we are both running our own businesses and we have our own passion projects, there is so only so much time in the day. And what we're realizing from these two years of parenting is that it is so easy to

drop your self-care to basically drop your relationships a little bit because you kind of want to focus on just the fires that are happening in your life. And for the two of us, we feel super secure in our relationships. So it doesn't feel like we have to constantly be working on it, right? We're like, we're good. It's here. But the more that I'm able to reflect back and sort of just project what this can turn into, I can already see that we could potentially take this relationship for granted.

this past year we have had more like intentional conversations of date nights and like tonight Mel's gonna be house sitting for me so that we can go on a date night and is asking for friends for help in this area but being much more intentional with my husband to set the time with him.

spending more QT with my QT. I'm sorry. That's very sweet. Yeah. And lastly, the big sort of defining moment of my 2023 was my wedding. And yes, like I've mentioned in the past, it wasn't just a celebration of love between me and Phil, but I really truly feel like as a

of love for like everyone that was there, like all of our friends and family. And I think that moment did help me to re-fortify the fact that friends and family are so important to me. I think now that I'm sort of in this inflection period of my life in

this like transformative period of like, oh, where's my life going and try and take my brains of it? I'm noticing that friends and family have to be sort of at the forefront of whatever plans it is that I do have for myself. So the wedding re-fortified that statement for me or that, you know, that value for me. But yeah, those are the biggest things.

Biggest lessons. Yeah. I mean, actually, similarly to you, my first kind of, my first takeaway or lesson that I got from 2023 that I want to carry forward into 2024 is that I have an incredible community around me. That is my family, like my immediate core family, my mom, my dad, my sister, I guess, kind of my brother-in-law, they're fiance, but not quite, but they've been dating for so long. And my cousins,

They're my nieces and nephews, my core friends that who have known me forever, people in LA who I hold so close, all of you, like ABG community, I went through some challenges this year where I shared, you know, publicly with certain things and honestly the messages that I got from people made me feel so supported and so much more just like strong and empowered to face certain challenges that I tried to face in the past less successfully, just kind of by myself.

And that I think that was like the biggest kind of takeaway from 2023 is even though it was hard, even though it was humbling, I found a lot of joy because I had people around me and I let myself rely on people and the community. And that's something I want to continue doing in 2024 because I think I've always had amazing people around me.

but not quite the same way that we have since we started ABG. And I also haven't been as it's hard for me to kind of open up and rely on people sometimes as I've shared in the past. And I think I was able to break some of that wall this year and I want to continue breaking that in 2024.

Another lesson I learned is even if it seems like my whole year was focused a lot on like romantic relationships and finding a partner, which was challenging and it really did push my limits in terms of like confronting a lot of personal things with myself. The theme, I guess, of big personal things and a realization I had is that probably like other Asian American people out there, I have a huge hang up with financial stability and financial security.

And, um, it was, I think that's, I've always talked about it and a lot of other people have also confirmed that they feel that same way. I think I started to realize that maybe my reality is actually quite secure and yet in my mind, I feel so insecure. And that was one of the questions that I actually had with the cert, like I started seeing a financial planner.

And there was a part of me similar with therapy, like, oh, this is like an extra cost, I don't wanna, you know, whatever. And she pushed me and was like, okay, so you say you want financial stability or security, what does that mean to you? How do you define that? And then when I would say certain things, she's like, okay, but we have already reached that point, like, do you feel secured out? And I'm like, oh, you're right, this is like a therapy moment, almost like a, whoa, what actually will make me feel secure? And if it's just always this thing that's out there, maybe I'm actually fine.

And I don't like why am I letting this fear get the best of me and stopping me from doing certain things. So I think that was a big lesson and 2024 going forward. I want to release some of that fear and really dig into what where exactly it comes from. How will I actually allow myself to feel secure? I think it's not just going to be achieving a certain number or state or whatever. It's also going to be a mental shift.

All right, so we had some time to reflect on the past year 2023, but let's look ahead. So looking at 2024 and setting up this new year, how do you both want to feel?

I think if I can wake up every day or go to sleep every day, feeling one productive, that would make me happy and productive can look different or take shape in many forms. It could be productive in terms of getting a lot of shit done, getting my to-do list checked off, love that feeling.

Or it could be just spending a whole day out with my baby, or it could be a whole day where I'm like, this is a planned spa day, and this is a Helen day. You know, as long as I don't feel super complacent, as long as I don't feel bored, I think anytime I start to feel bored is when I notice that I start becoming super sad.

So I just know that I need to stay productive in a meaningful and intentional way. Secondly, I want to feel balanced and at peace. And I'm sure that a lot of moms out there also feel this way. And I think everyone out there feels that way, not just parents, but in particular, I feel like this past year has been, it's just so many things going on at the same time.

I've found it difficult to find that level of true balance and peace that perhaps I've been sort of more easily able to attain in the past. But these past few years, I feel like I've sort of set the foundation for success in that area. And this is where I just

I don't know, I just want to be able to wake up feeling and go to sleep feeling more balanced and at peace. And lastly, I want to feel excited. I want to wake up feeling like every dream that I've had is a nightmare relative to my real life. I actually think that's like, where's that going? But like relative to my real life, and I actually, this is a thought I have quite often where I wake up and like, oh yes, like,

My real life is so much, that was great. Even if it's a good dream, I want to wake up still feeling like, oh, but real life is even better than what I envisioned or imagined. So I want to wake up with a fervor and a passion for life, however, that comes about. But that's how I want to feel.

I think hearing Helen's answer makes me want to rethink her ad more to my answer. Original answer and then what you want to add. Overall, I want to wake up and feel at the end of the day, feel like I'm feeling satisfied. Like I'm content with my day. Like I did what I sought out to do.

And feeling a like accomplishment feeling productive. I think whenever I feel productive and I got things done, I feel pretty good and satisfied with my day. And I will say I was able to do that pretty much almost every day of 2023. Like I think it's because I started operating this high efficiency level that can be tiring sometimes, but I feel like I got things done. But at the same time,

I like when Helen said the whole like I want to wake up excited. The reason why at first I didn't put that down because I feel like for me satisfied and excitement are very different things and even though I am satisfied I will say that every day for me wasn't exciting though. I feel like I was sometimes like a robot getting things done and it's fine because I still like feeling productive but there are times that I felt

Kind of like meh. Like, okay, this is the same thing again every day. Really, again, I'm being like a robot, very programmatic. Like, I'm doing the same thing every day. But one thing I started doing last year that I want to continue with 2024 is how can I romanticize my day-to-day things? You know, how can I romanticize making a nice ice coffee in the morning? Or, hey, if things are feeling like a rut, let's go to a coffee shop and just trying to find these moments to

make dreamy or make dreamlike. So I think again, like I'm overall satisfied with my day-to-day stuff, but how can I add a little bit more sparkle? And for me, it's romanticizing maybe what's in front of me more. Okay, dreaming with Mel. Or it's dreaming with Mel. Daydream, that's a real word. Daydream.

D dreaming. Oh, meld dreaming. D dreaming. Oh, yeah. The different does here is in a different channel. Oh, oh, yeah. You've got to pay for that one. Yeah. How are you, Jay? Okay, so when I think about 2024 on a daily basis, I think there are two ways that I would describe how I would like to feel.

One, I always want to feel like I'm looking forward to something. And that means like, um, I kind of, I was like, what is the right? Is it the thing that I'm inspired by feeling motivated towards something? I mean, it can be as simple as, oh, I'm really excited to like go to, um, to go read the next like five pages of the book I'm working on, right? Or like, ooh, that coffee, when you were describing your coffee, I was like, oh, what if it like makes me feel like I really want to capture this in a, in a real or something, but just something where I'm like engaged by,

something that's going to happen during my day or something that's going to happen in the week and I'm getting excited about it or I have like an idea about something to do around it. The second thing is I would really like to feel I think a more consistent sense of being grounded and not worrying about like my finances or my future, whether that's like, am I going to find a partner, am I going to get married, have kids like

There's only so much I can control. So I think the things that I can't control, I want to feel like I can be spending less time thinking about those things. Like catch myself when I'm thinking of that and be like, hey, what is, okay, have you set somewhere to have a plan? Yes. Anything else you can do around that right now? No, shut it out.

So I was like being more present to them. Yeah, I think just generally being more present and not just like observing the thing and being like at a mute, what does it say, mood state? Like a neutral state, but actually looking at something that could be really simple and be like, oh, I'm really excited. I'm kind of excited for that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we all want excitement in life. Yeah. Sorry. I got really excited about being excited. Speaking of 2024, how do you want to be spending your time next year, like,

If you look at your priorities, what activities would you want to be doing? And let's kind of break it down in different categories, starting with personal development. In terms of personal development, I want to continue challenging myself. Okay, challenging myself. There was this quote from that I saw a Instagram post from PopSugar, and it was quoting Olivia Rodrigo, who I think is so cute and such a little badass, but her quote was

I think showing up is really important. It's more important than being talented or good at anything because you can be super talented, but if you don't show up, what's the point? And I find that to be so true. I think a lot of times I personally don't show up to certain things because of a heavy dose of imposter syndrome or I'm just like, I'm not the best equipped for this role or

I think they're missing, you know? And I recognize that that is just all internal dialogue. And I have to remind myself that if someone is asking me to do something that I feel like is above my specific level or whatever, they believe in me for some reason. So just show up. Not saying I'm super talented at anything, but I do think I need to start showing up more to things that I fear most. So that is something that I'm gonna try and challenge myself in. I like that, yeah. It's great. But we'll see.

I mean, it's kind of like what you said with our podcasting consistency is what helped, right? So it's just showing up. Like if you have an opportunity or the thing that's going to help you succeed is just being there, continuing every week. It's so scary. It is really scary.

I think that's good for us, and it will help support you. I will say, though, one thing I noticed, I think when you just show up, though, I think when you're new there, you're like, well, I'm already here, mine as well, like, turn it up, or mine as all, like, embrace the side of me versus just not even going or doing whatever you set out to do. I'm already nervous thinking about whatever it is. I don't even know what it is.

Okay, how about for you too? I guess it's going to be challenging for myself as well, but I want to be trying more new things. So this past year, I did start taking a heels class. I want to continue doing that. It's like tail end of 2023. I want to continue that into 2024. I also want to try

taking like sound bowl classes? Like learning how to play like a sound bowl? I think just more hobbies and things where I'm just like, I want to try more new things. I love that. And so that is something that I'm going to be more open to. And also this year, I started living with a roommate again who is not someone I'm dating. And I feel like if it was like two years ago, I thought that that was like, oh, I don't know if I could do that again. And I'm actually liking it a lot more than when I was living by myself.

I think that's where I'm like, be more open-minded to things, even if you don't think you'll like it, like just try it. That's great. All right, so right off the bat, I just want to travel more. I think the biggest advice when I talk to people, I'm feeling like if I'm feeling uninspired, I'm feeling a rut, they're like, Mel, just go live your life. And I'm just like, I need to live it. Like I really, this is the time for me to like,

explore the world, come back with new perspectives and feel very inspired. So I'm going to do a lot more traveling. I already set some trips in motion for this year because I'm just like, let's just get on the calendar. So travel. Second thing is I just want to challenge myself more. I feel like I didn't realize how complacent I was in my life because honestly, I feel like moving to LA, I challenge the shit on myself or I'm like, new environment, let's shake things up.

and developed such a strong community and routine that I love it. But I also don't feel challenged though. So what about next year can I do to challenge myself whether it's like taking, trying new classes or like just, I don't know, traveling more? Or putting yourself in uncomfortable situations to really just challenge yourself. It sounds like it's going to be a year of us going through changes. Yeah, changes and hopefully growing. Yeah.

And I think also I want to go back to therapy because I just want to feel well-equipped as I go through these new challenges for personal development. All right, the next subcategory we'll be talking about is relationships. What are your goals for relationships? Why don't you start? Sure. Again, I'm going to take another step further in my relationship with Ray. We're moving in together this year.

I know. It's a huge stuff. Is that for sure happening? We're for sure moving in together. I'm excited for you guys. Still figuring out the details like when and like what location. But I think with that, I do want to be able to like be able to be a stronger partner again, which is also why I'm going to therapy just to like all these changes are coming.

Um, that's gonna be a huge stuff. So well, I knew I'd be tapping both you guys for tips because you guys have experience in that I don't this is the first time living the partner ever in my life. Wow, that's exciting. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I say this every other year or so, but I don't think I do a good job of doing this, but just spending more intentional time with my family and I think it's been really

I don't do I don't do as much as I want to because now especially now like Ray and I are both from the Bay Area going home now our time is is divided because we see both sides of the family and so I don't have time with my mom and I don't call her enough and so part of me I haven't mentioned to this yet should be like reminding me but as I'm thinking about traveling maybe if it's this year or following I do want to go on like a mother daughter trip with her and just be able to have some intentional time my mom and then lastly it's just like I want to be able to maintain and cultivate more my friendships like

Have like no manage. I think we do a good job relatively well in the LA crew like we do we always hang out But I don't do a lot of one-on-one calls with my friends back home as much like I had a really good call to my roommate Tiff from college We talked for two hours last night and I was like I don't do this enough with her like people that I've been part of my life for years But I haven't really like at the time to really connect further so just to cultivate more deeper connections and just to manage my existing friendships that I love so much this year. Oh

Yeah, I like that. I actually feel pretty good about where I am with my personal core relationships in terms of friends and family. But the one thing I'm focused on in terms of relationships for 2024 is practicing to flirt. I had a conversation, a meeting with a matchmaker.

and it was kind of a get-to-know-you meeting, but her thing is like, she's like, well, the winks flirt with me, Janet. So she made me feel so comfortable. She felt like almost like an auntie that you could talk to. She's Asian American, and she herself is in a biracial relationship, so I feel like she understands a lot of dynamics of Asian culture, but then also American culture. She's like, can I give you some feedback? Because I do this for like a living, and I'm like, I would love feedback. She's like, okay, you seem very put together,

Maybe if you want to invite more partners to like you are warm, but maybe like welcome them She's like look at them and kind of like learn to like kind of flirt a little bit and I realize I'm like yeah I'm a really bad flirt and like usually I don't like when I see someone I'm interested I always wait for someone to pursue me right I've been more open But if I'm like starting from like ground zero again, I'm like trying to meet people I want to learn how to be more

Flirty. I've never seen Janet flirt. I don't. Yeah, and then that's something that I think some of it comes from a place of like confidence or all this. No, I feel like you see me flow all the time. Oh, yes. Mel's hair will be in your face. Oh my god, really? Drink of hair? Yeah.

Yeah, but that's something I'm going to be trying to focus on. Can you share your tips on your mini show once you learn more flirting tips? Actually, in the comments, please, people help me learn how to flirt. That's a common to the best way to learn. If people have tips, I don't know. I'm going to be doing some personal research and stuff, but now that I've been in a relationship for the past year, and even before that, I feel like I was just kind of dating

Yeah, like how does one flirt nowadays? And has that changed? Let's bring this question to our hangout with our friends. Yeah, actually, it'll be a good conversation. It should be an episode in itself. I think so too. Yeah, actually, okay. Actually, maybe drop your comments. Let's read them.

Okay, I will keep mine pretty short here. I mean, I mentioned the thing about the husband, like spending more intentional time with him. I think the next category of relationships that I do want to focus more on is friendships. I feel like this past year, perhaps because a lot of our friends are now having kids, that I think we are doing a lot more wholesome activities.

And I think it does take people who have kids to sort of like initiate planning more of that. So I do want to plan more wholesome activities for our friends, whether it's like we did the beach day, we went to Train Town once. Train Town was fun. It was fun. Yeah, all this stuff is really fun. So I do want to have more planned intentional trips with our friends.

And on the topic of friendships, I'm going to what Mel was saying, I think I have a core group of friends like that I can count on my hands that will that are like the closest friends to me. I don't have a lot of close friends. I have a small group of super close friends. And then I have a lot of friends, right? I think amongst the just outside of like the close core group of friends, I do have people that I want to get closer to. And I think that involves a lot more

vulnerability and more emotional intimacy with these friendships and having conversations that are not just surface level. I do want to challenge myself in that arena and deepen my existing friendships to also curate some of the newer ones.

All right, the last, I guess, like, subcategory for, like, you know, our life. And for 2024, how do you want to be more intentional with your career? I have some things. Please share. Please share, Jay. That's why you're on your face, girl. So yeah, in my career, I'm just, I think I realize my stuff is actually very, like, tactical. So maybe other things will come up. But off the top of my head already, there are two things I want to get better at.

One is time management. This year we had, I think, we had so many more projects that we were managing and I feel like I'm used to just diving into my to-do list without time boxing things and then I realized, oh my god, all this time has passed and I ended up spending so many hours on this one thing and didn't get enough done with the other. I think Mel has given the tip of,

Yeah, give yourself only like one hour and set like a timer or something. And I've started to try to plan things. So that's like, I'll spend an hour on this and then the next day I'll spend an hour on the same thing. Instead of being like, I'll spend all day on this one thing. The other thing is I want to be more on time.

That's something that I have struggled with always. And I realized when I reflect back, like, since I was a kid, my family, we were always, we called it like running on like Asian time. We would, we would meet for dim sum with our, with our like extended family. Everyone knew that you would say like 12, but you would show about like one or like later. And obviously that's like not a good habit to take in two future things. And I've had to adjust with like different career things, but

I found that with us, sometimes it can be really easy when you're working with your friends to just start to slide a little. So I've been more intentional about a lot more time, setting timers and alarms, and I want to get better at that.

Do I love that? Great, tangible, tactical goals. Yeah, the other issues earlier. Like, whoa, Janet Bell early. I know, yesterday you were like 10 minutes earlier. 10 minutes earlier. Yes. I guess, oh, the third thing that's a little bit less tactical and just general, like, bigger vision, I think. I do, I think we're saying we want to challenge ourselves individually. I want to challenge myself more in the work that we do, too.

I think we've all shared that video is kind of scary for us. For me, social media has always been something that I feel like I always feel a little bit of imposter syndrome with, and I'm less comfortable in it, and I want to challenge myself to be more comfortable and to be more experimental with that. I think you have been Jay. I feel like even within the past month or end of 2023, you were like, here, let me try this. Let me try this. I was like throwing things at you, and you were just like spinning out the front and I'm like, okay, girl, yeah.

Yeah, I think this year for 2024, I want to, instead of trying to plan and research things so much, just try and do things and figure out what works and then move into the direction of the thing that sticks. That's spaghetti on the wall? Yes, spaghetti on the wall. Delicious.

vegetarians. So my personal goals for career, I mean, I think in general, I will say that with ABG, I think we are on a super exciting path, you know, it

We have signed with an agency that has a podcasting arm and they have a great vision for us. So I think with any creative endeavor after five years, there is this sort of, you know, point of, are we going to start like to dismantle? Are we going to plateau or are we going to grow? So we have the, the ideas in place for growth and it depends on the execution. So I think this is going to be a super telling year of, you know, where ABG is going to grow too, but

excited for the foundation that we're setting for that growth. And I think it's going to be exciting. Did I just say that word like five times? I think one of my goals also with podcasting sometimes, I want to build up my vocabulary. I think there are times where I'm trying to say something and then I'll just kind of brain fart and add an alternative word. And then when I'm reviewing the episode, I'm like, what the fuck? That word even makes sense.

And I'm just like, as a podcaster, I think being equipped with vocabulary makes you a better conversationalist, because you are able to find the word that kind of like strikes the chord with a person, you know, whoever you're interviewing better. So that is something that I also have been thinking about. And I like in terms of books to read, there was one that I saw Jen and post or make a video about it. I think it's called story worth or story worthy. It's on my phone. Let me check real quick. Story worthy by Matthew Dix.

And this book is about how to engage, teach, persuade, and change your life through the power of storytelling. Maybe that is a book that we can all read. I think it's important as a podcast host to become better podcasts. So let me do it.

Yeah, those are some tactical, tangible ways to do it. And then related to career, I do think about my mini-show. That is one area where I do feel like I want to grow more. For those of you who are new listeners, every Tuesday, we host our own personal podcast and they rotate every Thursday. So check that out. It's on audio only. But my mini-show is, it's Bill of Baby Tea. It is about parenthood and motherhood. And I've only had two guests on it on my episodes.

I feel like it's mostly me talking. So I do want to expand the mommy community that is just so lively and beautiful, even amongst like social media and amongst like the Asian American community. That is an area that I do want to focus on in 2024. Yeah.

For me, I want to continue to my level of efficiency with work with ABG. I feel like, I don't know what happened. I know I call myself. You've been really efficient on top of it, yeah. I call myself a robot and I think sometimes it sucks, but I think overall, I'm pretty proud of where I've come with my work ethic and my productivity with ABG. The time thing works, it literally helped me so much to be focused and zoned in. I don't think I've ever been this zoned in in my life with work.

Oddly enough, I haven't see yeah, I would say like being in meetings with you. I'm just like whoa. I'm like, let's get things done mode and I also feel like

Oh, yeah. I think one thing I'm pretty proud of. Proud moment at first I was just like, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm alive, I'm alive. Sorry. I'm doing, I think I have one more thing I'm proud of. Yeah. I've never messed a deadline yet. You think about it? Everything that's due date for us, or maybe maybe. That's true. She's your very, you know. I don't think I've, I've never, I never was late for like a deadline. I think it's just something I've always, my mom's really like this. I started like getting more and then,

Yeah, so I think it's something I'm very proud of with for my for myself. So I want to continue to do that because I think I'm I'm the strength. Yeah. Yeah. Efficiency helps everything go round. I don't know. That's not the right word. The second thing is I want to be more, I guess,

intentional and aware of industry practice and just like what's going on in the world within the digital landscape. I feel like with ABG ever since I started, it's great. I feel like we kind of just absorb content in one Instagram or just like being around things, but taking the active stuff of like, hey, let's read articles about what's going on. I don't really do that. Like, I just don't. But.

But I think I just, I signed up for like this like newsletter and like this, like, uh, what's it called? I said for ad a week and I feel like I'm already learning so much. We did like a research for our retreat and I just feel so inspired by reading about other digital companies and what they're doing them. Like this is what I need to really equip my, I need to be more knowledgeable about what's going on in this world and not limit myself to just social media. Like there's advertising space, the digital, like just just so much more in this, this world I need to know more about. The last thing I want to do is

I think as ABG continues and is on this path for growth that we're really excited about, I think it's my job to also enhance and really just develop a stronger storytelling skill because we are on audio, but we do want to challenge ourselves on different platforms or different mediums of storytelling. But as we do that, I also need to make sure my storytelling ability is also getting like sharpened as well.

just figuring out ways how to do that, whether it's to photography or just watching videos on like Skillshare or Masterclass, just to like be, just to be better, you know?

So to end this episode, we are gonna talk about our theme for 2024. And this is an exercise that we're gonna do here on this couch, but all of you who are listening, tuning in, you can also do this exercise for yourself. So basically what we're gonna do is list out 10 words that we want to use to define our 2024. And then of those 10 words, what are your top five? Love this practice. For this, I'm gonna need my handy dandy phone. Handy dandy.

All right, I wrote phase phrases instead of words. Sorry. Okay, so I'm going to go through with my, I'll just go through it and I'll share my top five. What number one is don't spend another year doing the same shit. Go where you feel the most alive. If it's out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.

protect your piece, your direction is more important than your speed. And these are my top five that I'm about to say now. Wait, was that 10? That was five phrases, because the last five are the five. My top five. Oh, okay, yeah. And then, so I guess my next, the five phrases I'm about to say now are my top five phrases for 2020. So I'll just pretend like those top five, the other five you just mentioned are throwaway ones. Okay. So after looking at my list, these are my top five phrases. Okay. One, always be kinder than you feel.

Two, if you weren't ready, you wouldn't have the opportunity. If not now, then when? A girl who is going to do big things cannot let small things get to her. And a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. I like that.

That's a tough one to end on. But yeah, I think these are ones that really spoke to me. I'll write it down in the comments later so you can see them. I like those. I like those a lot. I like the small things don't impact a girl doing big things.

I like that one too. So I feel like when we talk about our, like, I think one thing I'm getting from all of us is that we just, we want to challenge ourselves and again with that, there's no smoothcy. And I think if you want something greater for yourself, it's going to take, it's going to be a little K or you're going to have to deal with hard things. Get comfortable in the chaos. Yeah. Yeah. How about J for you? Okay. So I just wrote one word. Sorry. Let me see. One, two, three, four. The outline set for it.

I don't have words to. That's a song. Re-invention, energy, joy, light, smiles, realness, confidence, acceptance, trust, celebration, life is short. That might have been 11. The top five, I would say life is short, trust, joy, light and energy.

That's it. I could see why you chose those top words for 24. I think you're kind of, with the end of 23, I thought you were already heading that direction of light and energy and like, yeah, just I can feel like you were in abyss and you wanted to see light. Yes.

Yeah, so it's like the light, the energy, like give me all of it. Yeah, yeah. The smooth seed doesn't perform a skill sound. Go out. I mean, it's like basically going out and taking a risk because life is short, right? So if you mess up, whatever. I love it, Jay. Jay's in her ID gaff. How about you? Okay, I had 10 words. Courage, focus, laughter, organize. Connect, excellence.

Gratitude, integrity, stability, and less. And the five words that stood out most to me were courage, laughter, connect, excellence, three, four, five, stability, and less.

Yeah. I see them reflected in the things that you said before where you're focused on deepening relationships, but then also because you're balancing a lot less, I can see and organize in that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what is the top word or theme that encapsulates your intentions for this year?

Oh, man. If I'd only choose one. Well, I chose three. OK, I'll just go then. I'll just save my three real quick. OK, evolve.

If you weren't ready, you wouldn't have the opportunity. And lastly, if not now, then when. Just like, it just sounds like I just want to, I want to evolve by grasping the opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. Seize the day. Seize the day. Carpe diem. I think my one, let's see, top word or theme, probably just life is short and let that be interpreted how it works.

Okay, so when I was thinking about this question, there is a question I used to ask myself a lot, and now I'm curious what your answer for this will be. I used to think to myself, what type of life will I lead to that will lead me to the optimal level of happiness? I used to, there were two scenarios I would give myself. It's either living a super simple life where you are out maybe in the middle of nowhere, right? But you had a nice house, you had a great family, you had your pets, if you love pets, you had your farm, you had your garden,

And at the end of day, you can put your head on your pillow and think to yourself, I have accomplished everything that I need to get done in a day because your life is just simple, right? If you're a high achiever in that, in the context of your environment, you will have achieved everything in your day and that would technically lead to happiness, right? Or would you rather have a life that is just you are owning multiple businesses, you're a public facing figure. There's a lot of ups and downs and a lot of extremes, stress, but

the highest level of happiness and accomplishment, and you can rest your head on your pillow. Maybe happy, right? Which one do you think at this point in your life will actually lead to? At this point in your life, which would you choose for yourself? I would choose the latter. I thought about this and I remember in like,

high school college, I always put myself in the class that I knew I probably would more likely get a lower grade in if it challenged me more. If I'm a big fish in my surroundings, then I've outgrown that I need to push myself to the next one. But maybe my answer will be different in different, my answer has been different in different phases. I'm in a place now where I'd rather I would push myself so I can learn to be comfortable with the chaos.

Ooh, this is tough. And I do agree with Janet. It's like, I think it depends where you are mentally. Yeah. And I think if I were reflecting on just this episode, during this period of my life right now, I would choose a ladder as well. I think because that's why I was like, I didn't want to, when we asked the question, like, are you satisfied? Like, what do you want to wake up satisfied every day?

I woke up satisfied or I went to bed satisfied every day, but as a whole as Mel, I don't think I felt accomplished though, because I think something was missing. And I think it's because I was missing adventure in this time of my life. So if you're two examples, as of now, a second one sells more adventurous to me and more engaging. So choose that one.

So to answer this question before throwing another question on y'all, I reflected on this because in the past, I think of all of my life, I would have always said the latter. And I asked myself this question every year. I don't know why. I'm just like, I feel like monks live a super, you know, happy, fulfilling life, but like they're happy with

their environment and what they have to just fulfill on a day to day basis. And I'm like, is that pure happiness? You know, is that what? So I ask myself this question a lot, but this is the first year I would circle the word less for 2024.

Probably surprising to us slash me because I am someone who fills up my calendar every hour every day every week month. It is just I am a Productivity slash efficiency like mmm queen like that's what I need in my life, right? But what I in reflecting on this past year I've noticed that I have barely had room to like breathe and

room to grow, room to be creative, room to focus. It is so much about getting things done, going day to day. It's just so nonstop that this year, I actually feel like I just want to do less. And perhaps it's so that I can actually focus on things that I care about most instead of being spread so thin. So I'm shocked that this is my word of the year, less.

I don't know how that's gonna play out for how it's gonna happen. But in my mind, that's what I want to happen. Yeah, I think that makes sense. You can put the same amount of energy in less things and it's more efficient. Yeah, that's why 80-20 is one of my books that I do want to read this year. How to do more things with less. But yeah. That's a question. I feel like it really, it kind of shows where we're at mentally and where we want in life right now. I never thought that I would want them more simple, but I think I'm leaning towards that.

No. Thank you all for joining us on our very first episode of 2024. We're setting the tone for this brand new year and we took some time to reflect. We hope that you found this interesting and that you will go through some of the same exercises we did because we found it to be really powerful and a good way to set the tone for a brand new year. And with that, come back to us again on Thursday in a week. We'll have a new episode, check in on our mini shows that come out on audio every Tuesday.

And keep an eye out, we have big plans for this year. Yes, and also check out our merch today. Yeah. Right here. Asian Boss Girl dot my, or is it my Shopify dot? Asian Boss Girl dot my Shopify dot com. There we go. And also everyone, Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Happy 2024 year. And with that, we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye.

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