Ep 304. Vasectomy Guy

Hello, you're listening to Shagmary Noise with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. I've got a stiff neck. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm not even saying hello. I've got a stiff neck. It's consuming me thoughts. You need to go get it sorted. You're far too young to be the way that you're going on. I'm turning like an astronaut. Like when you see footage of the astronauts on the moon and they're like, you are turning your entire body from the fucking waist. That's how I'm turning. I'm sick. Stiff neck, horrible.

I was gonna make a response, right? And I searched the computer and it's been a response of the fall. Oh, because it's just so annoying that your body's like, nice sleep. Well, you fucking did it wrong. So this is because we spent an eight together, didn't we? And slept in the same bed. Slapped in your shitty pillow.

It's not bad. Honestly, I love my pillow. Horrible. Love it. I have to have everyone out there who has soft, flat, rank little shitty pillows. I hate you. Soft pillows. What are you playing at? You might as well not have one. I need a hard, firm pillow. I need the support. Well, they freaked me out. You know the ones I seen that for, and it was like, they're really hard, but they've got like a space for your neck. I was like, wait to put your hand. I've literally just ordered one.

Oh, God. I've literally just thought I don't want to off Instagram. No, I don't want to get it. Obviously, again, it just absolutely astonishes us that we all walk around going, oh, yeah, I mentioned cat food and then me Instagram just advertised cat food. It's terrifying. I don't know why we're letting it get away with it, but we are. And we all, I mean, don't go as wrong, it's convenient because I just walked around the other day just going, me fucking next to it, me next to it, me next to it. And two seconds later, Instagram's like, do you want to fucking pillow where your head goes up, gives you support on your neck? It's even got.

It's got like grooves on the sides so you can put your hand like sort of through when in the pillow. It's very exciting. Very exciting. Well, I've stupidly looked at Nick a couple of times on Instagram, didn't I? To get advice. And now it's like, oh, you love Mankey disgusting ticks, but you know what I actually do. Yeah, you do. You were in your element picking ticks out of our kids, yes. Oh, I don't want to have like a little chimpanzee. Yeah, you were. Well, loving it. I could do that. You know, I could. That's probably the animal I'd want to be a chimp.

A chimp. Yes. Well, we're halfway there. Yeah. We are. I thought you meant in general, because I like one, but I'm just saying not. Not I mean that at all. Yeah, we are halfway there. I want to see that new Robbie Williams film. I really want to see it. Yeah. Sounds good. It's apparently really good. It's apparently really good. Yeah. I got stiff neck. And other than that, I did not want nothing to do. Let's not start it off with just complaining. I'm in quite a good mood today.

Well, oh, oh, sorry when you're in a bad mood. Oh, okay, fair enough. But listen, I haven't made an appointment yet because I've been six in the queue for about three and a half hours and I'm not waiting any longer, but I'm getting my coil removed. I've decided, guys, it's going, it's going. There it is. I can't it. Yeah, it's just a, I don't know if it is a side effect or whether I'm just depressed, but honestly, it's just me making this down and I just feel like this is not, I'm not

I don't know. Never been depressed in my life. So you used to be once a month, you were fiery and angry and really, really quite angry. Just for a little bit of time. But now it's like it's spread it across the month and it's dulled it down. Do you know what I'm just subdued? Yeah, a little bit subdued. I don't like this. I like to be fiery and angry. I haven't been genuinely screamed at by you for quite some time now. Well, look forward to getting that back! Buckle up, but I cook. Come on!

Woo-hoo! Now, I just feel like you're... Very exciting. Which means, which brings us to our next topic. Yeah. Ramsay. Yeah. Gonna form that guy up. Snip, snip, snip, yeah. So, regular listeners of the podcast will know that I formed up a place to get the vasectomy. I formed up and booked it and then had to cancel it for work, genuinely, three times. Yeah. Spore the same guy every single time. And by the end, the thing I said when the last time I canceled it was,

I'm not scared, you know mate. Why don't you book it now? Why don't you book it now? Literally book it now on the podcast. Come on. I want to hear it. I want to see you. No, come on. I want to see if you remember. See, how are you? Come on. Chris. No, I'm not right in the main body of the podcast. We are calling and you are booking your vasectomy because I am sick of this. We'll be about the date and that and where it is so people won't know. Oh, and kids are going to crowd up well wishes.

Hey, listen. Do it, Chris! Do it, Chris! Do it, Chris! Go on, Chris. Okay, get the snip. Go on, Chris. Get the snip. Stick around after the break and hear Chris. Boogie's vasectomy. It's happening. Please, look at me in the eyes and tell me you're gonna book it. I will book it. Today, after this, after the jingle, you're booking. I'm not, I'm not. You are fucking booking your vasectomy on this podcast. Oh, do you know what it is? It'll never happen. Right. It'll never happen.

I'm getting, I'm not having any hormones anymore. I've got a stiff neck. I can't hold a form when I've got a stiff neck. Chrissy ringing. Right. Do you have a little sponsor? A little sponsor. All right, because you're being such a dick, my sponsor is going to really, I'm going to really enjoy my sponsor this week. Guys, it is episode 304. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being part of this wacky, wacky world of ours. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor.

Guys, guys, get ready for this. Get on board. This week's sponsor is the ultimate argument winner. The ultimate settler, the ultimate leveler of the playing field in your marriage. This week's sponsor is my brand new freeze. I haven't been out this year. There it is. Oh, God.

There it is. Last time I went out for an alcoholic beverage with me friends and had a night away. It was there December last year. Last year. Last year. I, Chris Ramsey, have sound state in mind, have never been out this year. I haven't been out this year.

You and I'll do the night, Rosie. Oh, I've been out this year. I've been out this year twice. Stop you right there, because I haven't been out this year. Yeah, great. Oh, that's great. Do you know what? But can we just clarify here? Nobody has stopped you from going out. Yeah, but I've never been out. But why would have been argument thing? I've not stopped you from going out. Yeah, I've never been out this year.

I'm not arguing the fact with you. Doesn't sit right either, does it? Because I haven't been out this year. Good, you go out too much. I'm glad to be out of here. 2025. Kids don't recognize you. The year of being in the house. Oh, don't say it, do not. Oh shit, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. We're not doing that again. We're not doing that again. No, out on a night, out in the pubs. No, not this guy. Not this year. I mean, out this year. What's the date?

28, that's gold actually. It seemed longer. Couldn't be honest for you. Could have swapped with June. Yeah. Why? Why? Why? Genuinely, hand on heart. So I can see it. I haven't been out this year. Hang on. What? We went out. Together doesn't count.

Oh, it does. It's still the night out. We were out on Saturday. Yeah, together doesn't count. On your own what you made. Yeah, on your own what you made. Yeah, leaving your other half an hour. Well, okay. You have had the opportunity. It's just because you're friends. We're watching home ball and you don't like fat ball. So you don't know what I'm going on. Yeah, just got out of me. That was here. Just good guy. Great. Good guy. Good dad. Have you been on this here? Oh, Lord.

Got a social life mate, got them friends to catch up with. Genuinely, better feeling. You know how they say like, nothing feels as good as... Was it nothing tastes as good as thin feels? No one out is as good as being able to look your wife in the eye and say, I haven't been out this year. Good. Good for you. Oh, it's like a fucking... Dead happy for you. A fucking warm bath.

We had a fight about the jingle, jingle We couldn't set alone a jingle, jingle So this is the jingle, jingle We hope you like the jingle, jingle

Hello, welcome back to this week's episode of Chris is gonna book his vasectomy Get your phone out. It's not happening. Get your phone out Give them a call. Let's just say please please. I'm actually doing it now. Yes You're getting it done. I am not we're not using condoms anymore, and I'm not having hormones in my body I'm 38 years old I want to be clean cleansed and you know what it is Oh, I'm not gonna do I miss bleeding I don't oh my god

No, but it feels good to get it out. Yeah, when you've been doing it I've been doing this since I was 14 It feels good to get it out not doing it any not bleeding anymore I haven't missed like waking up in the middle of the night having to change a tampon, but I have I have missed a good like It's cathartic. Come on. What's his name? Yeah, um, what's his name? It's Dave just he's garage Come on. That's the man's get it wrong. I don't know I'll have to get it all. Oh gosh. This is we should have done this in the in the break bit

I don't... Daisy can snip around, she's very talented. Don't say snip, I'm triggered. How are you? Well done. I'm so proud, yeah. Thank you. Are you happy? Yeah. Yeah. Good. Well done. No, you have to get it done. Do you want any more? Do you genuinely want any more kids? No, but I want you to shoulder the burden of not being able to have them. I don't want to have to do stuff. That involves getting there. It's the grossest thing you've ever said.

But um, well done, can't wait. So exciting. Really not looking forward to the recovery time of it though. That is something I'm already dreading. Tell you what, can I just have one more at privacy please? Yeah of course. Yeah, just turn away. Yeah. Hey Siri, set a do in the diary for tomorrow, cancel the second.

Thank you. Yeah, great. By the way, speaking of Siri, right? So we don't want to set them off again or anyone else listening. Sorry about that. But I really don't like his torn sometimes.

No, you've got the boy, have you? I've got the boy. I might change it to the girl, actually. So I went to him, you know, when you go, I say when you go, and you just went, like, flip me, like, uh-huh. Yeah. Just don't like it. I'm just like, who are you? Who you talking to? I understand. So he gives it the, uh-huh. Sometimes he gives it the, I get really irritated when I'm in the car, because sometimes he gives it the, uh-huh, halfway through, you've started saying something. Oh, it's sort of patronizing. I'll be saying, you ask me to ask us to sort of ring someone, right?

Right. Hi, Siri. Penny Core. It's really urgent. He does it just as a start. I didn't really didn't like the nonchalant. Yeah. The aggressive, not aggressive, the torn. Yours was meant over there, by the way.

Well, hey, Siri, you can fuck off with you at her. To what? To what? I didn't even have that set up. I apologise and I say thank you to my Siri all the time. And when the robots... When the robots take over, they'll remember, everyone remember that she just was really nasty at Siri there. I say thank you to mine and everything. I don't want to call. Cancel. Cancel. Siri, cancel. Just say cancel. I bet it won't.

I really don't know what you're listening. I hope all the robots are listening. You, you're for the chop. Not the same way as me. A different way. I've told you. Don't let me die in an apocalypse and let me also dive the robots take over. Let me die. Let me die peacefully.

Well, I'm not going to win the robot stage. Good for you. You'll get on with them lovely. No, what I'm going to do is which this, this, because you don't, you know, you didn't let us get that oven with a camera in it. You don't like anything technology. No. This, this is what I'm going to do. This is the long game that I'm playing to fuck you right up for me. You get me tiddler chopped off, right? Great. You are going to die in the robot apocalypse, but I'm going to keep your brain and your heart and I'm going to get the robots to put you into a robot and then you're going to be a robot. They're going to rethink you as a robot. I would gutted.

I would overcome it, I'd have flashbacks, there would be a full film of like- They've already done it, it's called Robocop. Well, that would be me. I would be- You'd go full Robocop, you'd have flashbacks if you used to. I'd go full Robocop, I'd be like, we used to read magazines. And like- Oh, because magazines are extinct. I don't know.

Robots aren't reading magazines, they've all got iPads. No, I'd just be like, we used to, we used to have to get up to change the television. Do you remember having to get up? Do you remember? No remote controls. Oh, me and Robin had a right laugh last night while chatting about, cause um, on Sunday, he had the most bored day of his life, didn't he? Cause we just didn't let him from one o'clock in the afternoon. I was like, nah, it's happening. No, nothing. No switches, no, no computers, no nothing. You just got to be a nine year old and he cried from what it was fucking.

It's horrible. So you lay there, you're so bored, you lay there wheeling, wheeling at the sky. Yeah. And then me and Rafe joined in the wheeling. Yeah. And weirdly, the wheeling made me bored and sad as well. Yeah. It's bad, dude. I didn't mention anything. But just had a right laugh at how these deliberately before channels. Yeah. He was like four channels. And nothing else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have told him this before. You can't remember. And he can't remember our first host. Do you know that? Really? He cannot. I was showing him pictures last night. He has no recollection of that house.

Why do we decorate kids bedrooms? What is the point? Do everyone does a nursery? And they're like, honestly, don't bother. Don't bother. The remember. Nothing. He lived there. Little old bear, plaster, no carpets. Now, he lived there to lose five, has no memory of that house at all. Wow. What a dick. I know. So ungrateful. Baba doo baba doo baba doo baba.

So just in the interim there, while we had the podcast paused and I was exporting the files, because I'm a nerd, Rosie said, Rosie turned around and said, don't get you for set me done on Wednesday, because I've got me singing a club on a Wednesday night. Unbelievable. What's wrong with that? Just like, you want it done, but it's got to be arranged around your phone. Just not on the Wednesday, because you're going to, you'll have to go to bed. You do have to rest for like a day or two. So you do have to rest for a day or two. So please do it on a day when both the kids are at school and I'm not busy. Can I just chill out?

I will look after you. Can you get it? Can you get one done twice? Am I that horrible? Am I that horrible that you genuinely think that I wouldn't look after? I haven't been out this year so take about what you will make of that. You're horrible, honestly. If I wouldn't look after you. Oh, wow. So I'll get, well, I will look after you. Just get it done. I'll tell you what, I'll get done in the school holidays.

No, absolutely not. Okay. How many people have died from them? How many people? Let's have a look at the statistics. How many people have died from... How do you spell the sectomies? V-E-S. V-A? V-A? V-A? V-A? V-S-sectomy. Oh, okay. Let's have a look. How many people have died from the sectomy? How many people have died from the sectomy? Oh, one.

One. There's been one recorded death caused by vasectomy, a 32 year old male without any significant medical history had an eventful vasectomy performed in the Netherlands. Oh, that could be dead clever over there as well.

The risks are very few. It's a very... Maybe you don't need any rest at all. There's literally a mortality rate that's practically zero. This is fucking pathetic, honestly. Pathetic. Oh no, okay. If more people have died from it, then I would be more worried. But honestly, that's... I mean, rest in peace to the man who died of it. But gosh, wow, what a way to go. Just the one though. 32.

that younger than me, fit in healthy, whole life ahead of them. Living in the Netherlands, lovely place. Chilled out. Oh God, this is it. So this might be my last podcast. So, oh no, we'll go on next week. Yeah. You'll be fine.

Speaking of grim, the world record was broken at the weekend for the most men slept with in 24 hours. Are we talking about that? No, I don't really want to talk about it, and I don't really want to pile in on the people who are having a go at the lady who did it, and the men who did it. I don't really want to do all of that. All I can say is, I've seen clips and stuff, and I've looked at it a bit on social media. Well, I talked about it don't use a go, do you remember?

Yeah, I don't know if it was in, but yeah, I chatted about it. So the highlights for me are there's another porn star coming out and kicking off that it's not a verified number. Well, so she's claiming that it's not a world record. A guy's... Did Guinness World Record turn up? It was hard enough for us to get them to come to the O2 for our podcast. Well, you have to pay them. So if they turned up to that, I'll be fuckin' for you. You have to pay them? Yeah, you have to pay them to turn up. Did them actually, like an entry fee? I think they get a free ticket when they came to our podcast to it, and you've got to pay them. No, man, I'm talking about the guys who did this.

If I had a thousand guys lined up, if I was organising a thousand guys to line up and have sex with someone, I would probably walk up down the queue with a collection book just for a local charity, just to sort of level some of the karma around. Yeah, I mean, listen, right, each to their own, we always say this, do what you want, do what you want. But I reserve the right to take the piss out of it. Yeah, well, I don't know. I'm not going to shame my hate anyone on it. No, but

Listen, all I'm seeing it, right? 25 is young in it. My life has changed significantly from when I was 25. Yeah. Well, the other person who did it, the other porn store who did it in 2004 at the third annual World Gang Bang Championships in Portland. Oh, oh, we missed that. That person said that it's the only thing she regrets in her entire career. What, doing it? Doing that. Oh, really? And, ah, yeah, like,

I've done DVD signings. I've done meeting greets. They're a bit awkward. We've done the book signing. Lovely to see everyone. It is a bit like an expert. Hello and how are you?

It must be like the worst meeting greet in the world and I've seen the clips in the videos one guy who got pulled out by his mom absolutely good How his mom saw it she must have seen I don't exactly the same so he must have put it on his snapchat and she turned up and was like get absolutely Absolutely awesome. What a what a legend is I just looked at the footage of the the last go and we're all here We're all ready. It was just loads of blokes and like black jackets and like they're all they are all

like horrible men. If you went in that queue to, even though she is very willing participant, I've got no doubt, and she can do what she wants with her body, but I just... I can't imagine the small... See, for me, it's not about the act itself. I'm not going to shame any of the act of it, what they were doing, but I can't imagine the small talk in the queue. I can't imagine the smell. Imagine the smell. The smell would knock me. The smell would have been disgusting.

Or thousand cheesy bellends. Absolutely not. I would, I would die. I would literally walk in and want to die. Death by a thousand cheesy knives. Cheesy knobs, cheesy popcorn, horrible sugar puff piss, vile. Why is it horrible? Because it's, I can smell everything, I can smell it now. Be or, you're telling me that you're telling me they are upstanding clean men. I, I don't know. Horsey, they didn't take their jackets up by the clovers, I'm telling you.

It was in someone's house, which I'd... I mean, if that had happened in my house, if I rented my house out for that, you'd need a priest around the next day, just to exercise the place. But this is me point, right? And I just... I would love to stand outside the house while it's happening, because looking at all of them in their bomber jackets and their balaclavas, their fucking parking spaces for electric scooters must have been taken... They must have been fucking hundreds of electric scooters outside that place. I guarantee it. Did they use protection?

Yeah, they all put condom on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One condom, the shared it. Massive. I'm joking. Oh, I mean, yeah, I don't know. This is a totally different sort of topic, but I suppose it's in with the same thing, because like you see, D, what you want, near one's getting hurt. Everyone is consensual. Apparently she's in a right state, but that was up with her. Oh, I had sex once for half an hour, and honestly, I was just sore. Just no one. Absolutely not.

It was a long time ago. It wasn't for you. It was just... We've done longer than half of our drunk. Drunk, we have. Never enjoyed it. Beauty, sorry. Are you done yet? Yeah, just no. Are you done yet? No, not pleasurable. Sorry. We see it all the time for the younger generation. I just want to make sex nice again. Yeah. I want to... Do you remember the film when he literally makes our orgasm with a feather?

There's a film, it's a, like, it's a tent, it's not tending to hate about you, it's a, I can't remember what the film is, it's like a rom-com film, it's not like a porn film or anything. But you know when you just like, make it nice again, because that's a mint. Yeah, but it's just like, why has everything got to be like, spitting and minging and fingering and fucking... You know all this shit, like, oh god, I thought you both...

Like bring back, let's make sex nice again, please. Guys, if you're listening out there, gentlemen, write a nice beautiful love letter with a quill, with a fedad quill. Keep that fedad quill. Make a cheers on the quill. It's why you're making it horrible again. Make a nice, but like what, like massages, what happened to that? Do you know what I mean? Massages with like oil or like, I don't know, just like, just nice things rather than

Disgusting, like, these kids are watching all these things on like TikTok and stuff, of blokes lining up to shag a lass. And it's just, again, can I just say, frightening how easily the founder thousand blokes are up for it. If that was the other way around, it was a bloke going, I am going to shag a thousand women applications, please. I reckon you get five or six. Not even that. Not even that.

Yeah. Oh. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. It's just, it makes it really, really sad. Yeah. Really sad. Bring romance back. Romance feathers candles.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Anyway. I could not think of anything worse. There's not enough money. There's not enough money you could pay a mate to have sex with a thousand men. In 24 hours. Name a number. I think it was 12. Name a number. A trillion pound. Nat. Wow. Nat. Two trillion pound. Nat. Three trillion pound. No. Four trillion pound.

No. I just couldn't. I just couldn't think of anywhere. Five trillion pound. No. I think I just lie there, crying. Six trillion pound. Nope. There's no money. There's no money. One more shot. One more shot. Fifty quid. See some more realistic.

I'm just honestly I've had such a busy weekend right so busy I can see where this is going but um

Well, you're not going to believe this. Our Barry. He went to that thing, you know. What thing is this? He went to that chagathon, that chagathon with our last thousand lads. I think it was one thousand fifty seven. Yes, no, he went and you'll never realise what he did. He forgot his condom.

They're honestly how that kid. So I get three bosses. And I went to Barry and his friends were there from the club and they were dead. Lovely, lovely bunch of lads. So nice, so respectful, thoughtful, nice lads. They've got to work for themselves. It's kids between them.

That's how many kids do that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's only three of them. Lovely bunch of lives. We're in a school together. So, three buses, bloody, I had a lovely guillotine laugh on the bus, because I'd seen a couple of the other moms whose kids were there, and it was lovely, lovely catching up, and we thought, you know what?

I'm just trapped here, they're getting laid. So I've got a multi-pack from the one shop and took them up. But we're at the air, you know, we're at the... One of the lads had a hammer, thankfully, because I put them in these boxes now! Put them in these... In the shops! In the boxes! So you stole them from the shop? Well, yes. You... Do not insinuate things like that. Might as well stun the box then.

Why is this still in the plastic box? Sorry. Why is this still in the plastic box when you got back? So we took the condoms. Right. And I said, Barry, you silly, silly boy. There you are. Right. And he said, Mom, it's too big. I said, listen, just hold it. Well, hit him and just hold it on. He's fucking stupid prick. So let's see. We'll see.

How are you? I was alright to list. Yeah, I was alright. What's up, Nick? Were you there? No, I wasn't there. No, I wasn't there. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. You'll rule, you'll never let you do that, would you? Frigid, fucking bitch, that's you, is that me? Go on, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

Hold it on was. Hold it on. Hold it on was very good.

Just on and you'll be there. Dirty bastard. He's gone. I mean, I've got great work. Absolutely great work. Well done. I've still talked about it again. We didn't be like, they're not seeing the fucking news. I know. It's very fitting, very fitting to this podcast. Anyway, right. Beef time. Do you want to go first? I will.

So if you knew the podcast, okay, Chris and I are married, but we're currently just kind of sleeping separate beds because just life anyway, kids, all that kind of shit. It'll come back one day. Oh, they were did sleeping in the same bed the other night, and I've got a bad neck. So I think that's the sign. And you snored and you woke up so actually you can absolutely know what you did.

No, you did I'll walk up right I'll walk up at about five o'clock in the morning wide awake I was really annoyed and I was lying there awake. Mm-hmm wide awake. Mm-hmm wide awake. Oh, yeah While I was awake you walk up and went Chris and I went yeah, and you went you walk yourself And I went have a what was I did before that couldn't get better snoring

No. Oh, sorry. Oh, you tell me that I just imagined a snoring ice. One hundred percent. You can fuck off. I was listening. I've never experienced anything like it. I was lying there fully awake and you from from your slumber walk up from into silence and claim that being snoring. I've never, I've never known anything like it. I forgot about this. Can I do my beef? Can I do my beef? Can I do the fifth in this company? Yeah. Can you not? We don't have amendments. It's the fifth amendment is the right to say fuck all when you get interrogated.

There's no plead the fifth in this country. You can do it, but it's not called plead the fifth. What's it called? It's just called no reply. Okay, no comment. Yeah, no reply, no comment. Yeah. I'm like that embarrassing. Genuinely, if I ever got arrested, I'd be like, I plead the fifth. Yeah. And would the laugh at us? That's not a thing. It would go on record that you're so stupid that you said plead the fifth. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never knew that.

Yeah. It's just called no reply or no comment. Yeah. I don't know what amendment. Oh, I don't know. Great. And we'll get into that separately. Shall we? Or I don't know. Listen, you went downstairs last night. You literally said to me, night, night, I'm going to bed. Love you bloody blondie and all. And I went, OK, I'll see you later. So I was in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. And then all I heard from that, I heard loads of noise downstairs. And I was like,

because I genuinely thought you got into bed. And I heard loads of clattering and I was like, Jesus Christ, I was like, we've been burgled. Then all of a sudden I heard, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

I'm like, I don't know if the fuck is talking downstairs. Something is happening. I didn't have any phone, I didn't have any phone. He didn't have any phone, because I had a texture. What did I text you saying? Oh, you don't say it. Oh, you don't say it. And you didn't reply, so I was like, this is it. This is when I'm, like, locking myself in the cupboard. And I went downstairs, better than that. This was like 11 o'clock. And I was like, and you were coming up the stairs, I was like, what have you been doing? It sounded really weird. I was like, here, were you talking to someone?

Enjoy to tell everyone what you were doing and why you were making so much noise and what? Just explain. I don't understand why you do this. Okay. Crack on. I was eating an omelette. Yes. A one-air gominate, which I find really sad. It's fucking lush. A one-air gominate is amazing. Just nice and thin. Takes two seconds. Eleven o'clock. It was about quarter past ten. It wasn't eleven o'clock. It was about quarter past ten.

Oh, that's good. I thought I'd gone to bed a bit later. OK, then. I'll have that said, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. P.M. Omeletine. Yeah. Yeah, I've been in the sauna suit and I went downstairs after I went upstairs and told everything out. I went downstairs to take me washing out with a washing machine and hanging up. And even though I put it on the 15 minute cycle, for some reason, sometimes it takes about 20 minutes. Do we have a 15 minute cycle? You're taking the piss. Are you actually taking the piss? Yes, we do have a 15 minute cycle. But sometimes,

Sometimes I think it takes a while to drain depending on what clothes you've got in. Born. Yeah. Put it on the 30-minute cycle and press extra touch and it takes it down to 15 minutes on the wrapping option. Yeah. Are you? Are you winding me up? Are you jogging? No, I didn't know that. Are you shitting me? The 15-minute cycle on that washing machine. Yeah. Fuck my life. I didn't know that. How much time you wasted?

Hours? Hours? I do have the washing. Days? Would it be up to days do they? Possibly days. So, the half an hour, I thought the half an hour was the quickest. No, you just press a rabbit. God, the amount of times made me mama. Just like that. Poor washing machine. We literally like this as a shit that's washing machine in the world. Doesn't do faster than half an hour. Right. Good enough.

Again, I stress that you and your mom just ball through life in a mad fucking dash to go and sit and have a coffee and talk shit and you don't stop to read instructions or take a moment to work out how to use anything, which is why I'm turning you into a robot with no instruction manual and you won't even know how to.

piss out your own fucking robot funny. Oh, don't give us a funny. No, you got the fun. No, let me have a day. Let me have a day. I don't want to funny. Don't want to funny. They're really hard. Do you ever, don't, don't be a chit in your funny. You're just getting like straight away.

But this is all closed together. Like, actually, honestly, you've got no idea. You go for a poo. You don't have to think, I'll be very careful not to get you any of any, because you'll get a urine infection. Like, they're really close. There's this much between my asshole and my vagina. So, it's a, it's an art. And I don't want to have to think about it anymore. Very rarely am I speechless. Very rarely do I have almost zero comment for something.

Do not give me a funny. I want, I want a dick. No, you get, you get your robot funny is going to be a USB drive. It's going to be a USB stick, USB hall, USB C. It's going to be USB C, little tiny little USB C. Great. So yeah, sorry. So I meet my omelet. Yeah. So I stayed downstairs. I made my omelet. Um, I was waiting for the, I was waiting for the wash. Did you get to the sound effect?

What was the sound effect? So I was waiting for the washing machine to finish. So then I thought, right, I've got a couple of minutes. My one egg omelette is the quickest thing you can possibly make. One egg in a cup, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. I'm hiding the hot pan with a bit butter. Cheese in almost immediately follows it straight in. Fold it, fold it, turn it, done, right? Neck it, even quicker to eat. It's like eating the fucking napkin. Ha, gone. I was going on your own.

Well, to let you be in the curtain here and I didn't know I knew you're gonna bring this up today and I didn't know whether to tell you this or not, but I think I will tell you. If I'm ever doing that and you can't quiz this on what it is, promise now you can't quiz this on what it is. You've got to promise you can't quiz this on what it is, what it is. You're crossing your fingers, I can see you crossing your fingers. I'll cancel off a set of me right now, I'll cancel it.

I'll never have sex with you again. Good, I don't need to accept me then. How it is, we're all doing well. Don't, you can't quiz us on what it is. You can't ask us specifically what it is. Right, okay. Right. If I'm ever made a noise like that, what I'm eating, I'm normally thinking of something embarrassing I've done and I'm trying to get the thought out in my head.

Like, seriously, is that actually what that is? It's just to get rid of another one. You know you've got all say day, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. But so I was, mmm, mmm. All right. But I'm trying to force... So that's what that was. That was you getting an embarrassing thought out of your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking of something embarrassing I'd done. Yeah. And I was getting at my head. So I used to have a routine about a way. I'd say, I see, one of the first routines I ever wrote, I said, you ever have that thing where you're in the shower? And you literally just randomly go, like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What? You're the half of a girl. What? I was just getting a horrifying thought out my head. But then years later, I watched Bill Bird do stand up and Bill Bird did the same routine. I'm not saying he'd stall it, but he'd never seen us do stand up. But sometimes when you're a younger comedian starting out and you write something and you go, that's a really good bit. And then you see another comedian do it on telly as when you go, oh, well, that's gone like he got there first. So you'd never do it again. But it's still a thought I had and it's still a valid point. But yeah, sometimes if I'm eating and I go, mmm, mmm.

Something's popped in my head and I'm getting the thought. It's a cancellation. No, it's just a stop. Obsessive compels of disorder. No, it's just a stop. It's a thing about the thing and then you do an action to cancel out. No, I do not use to distract myself from it. Okay. It's involuntary. It's just, oh, I'll get away. Oh my god, that happened. But I hide it instead of going, oh my god, that happened. I go, mm.

Why that makes you feel better? It does make you feel better. Okay, good. Well, he has me thinking you're just enjoying whatever you're eating. No, I think it's wrong. It's a nice omelet. Yeah. Now listen. I'm starving, by the way. Good. Now listen.

Here is my beef. Here is my beef with you. You cannot buy bananas in the correct way and it's really starting to stress us out. When you go to the shop and we haven't got bananas in, I know that what you're going to bring back is essentially going to be a bunch of long apples, a bunch of long green apples.

No, I'm trying my best to get the yellow ones. I do? No, that's still wrong. Right. Rosie, pop the shop now, get some bananas. Describe to me what you've just brought back. I've given you the money. I don't know how much they are. 40 quid for a bunch or something. 40-50 quid. There you go. Bring them up. I'm joking. That is a joke on when they say politicians don't know how much a pint of milk is. That's what that joke was. You're not a politician. I know, but it's just a joke. But I have to explain it. Otherwise, the odd idiot will go, he thought bananas was 50 quid.

And I'll see them in the shop and they'll see it. And I'll forget I've made that joke and they'll see it anyway. So anyway, you're going to the shop, you come back. Yes. Yeah. I've asked for some bananas that you brought back. Bananas. What, how many other? Like one to six. Wrong. What colour are they? Yellowy green. Wrong. Right. I'll tell you how to buy bananas. Right.

Go to the shop, find some green-ish, greenish yellow, and find some ripe ones. Buy both bunches at bananas, okay? Me and Rafe would chow our way through that first bunch, and by the time my first bunch is finished, that second bunch would be perfectly ripe as the first bunch were. Okay, great. Right, brilliant. You're doing it wrong. The can't be too ripe, but the can't be too green. And the native people... Do you know what, Jeff? You're the privilege of you, the absolute.

Privilege of you. Going by your own fucking bananas. I've got enough shit to do. Why am I getting schooled on how to buy your bananas? If you don't know how to buy bananas. Well, there's a lot of stuff you don't do, probably. Oh, I sit in here. Yeah, you do it in this section normally, yeah.

in this section. If you forgot what this is, why are you suddenly having a beef with me on this recorded medium? Because it's the part of the podcast where we slag each other off. No, I'm not having this lunatic. I'm not having it. All right. Okay. So, but I cannot be honest. Honestly, I don't care enough to get into it properly, but yeah. Okay. I'll buy you. I'll buy you. So how many bananas do you need? How many bananas do you want? Two lots. You need ones to eat now and you want to ripen up. Great. That's what you need.

What a stupid system. Yeah, well, in Rave's defence he eats them, whatever. Yeah, I've seen him eat super ripe bananas as disgusting. Mm-hmm. Yeah, jaw muscles, jaw muscles like a fucking shark. Baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo, baba-doo

Long time listener from the first episode, first time a mailer. Oh, bless you. Thank you for still being here. Thank you very much. Good to have you around. I teach in an inner city London secondary school. Recent gems from students include me, write down anything you know about Frankenstein, you're seven students talking to my friends and all lords about them. There were three kings in the broad, gold, Frankenstein and mirror.

I enjoyed that one. That's brilliant, and it's actually a joke on bottom. What is it? It's a Christmas bottom, and someone comes in a Frankenstein mask, and someone has some aftershave called Ger. Brilliant. Something is like, what's the gold? I can't believe the gold is, but Rick Mills is like gold, Frankenstein, and Ger. He thinks he's Jesus, so good. Very good.

Also, my sister's friend teaches in the North-East in a secondary school. When, new to the school, she asked management if she could shorten her name as her surname is Hooker. Oh god, no. I'm sorry, if my surname was Hooker, the first thing when my kids were little, I'd say, what do you want to be when you grow up? Can't be a teacher, by the way.

Just let you know with that name. The school agreed, as Shay was worried about connotations of prostitution, etc. Which it would be. Yeah. She introduced herself to the class as Mrs. Hook. Immediately, a year nine boy called out. Come on, call your captain! Come on, call your captain!

Back there, hookah. Back there, hookah. You got it, word. Oh, God. Hello. Listening to how Chris was horrified, Rosie allowed Rave to wipe his nose on a mistrunchful jumper, made me think of a trip to the park with my four-year-old last week. She needed a wild way. I didn't have any tissues on me, and she didn't want wet niggas, like putting them back on. I went for the only option I could think of and allowed her to wipe on my knee, of my clean jeans.

I thought this is what mums just have to do my husband thought I was disgusting when I arrived home and told him why I needed to get changed is this worse than a snotty sleeve

No, I know but you would I'm not be we haven't got a little girls so well well It's much worse as in going. Oh, yeah, there's piss on me like rather than the snot on me fingers But it had to be done because it had to be done. I have a little uncomfortable little way in and I get it. I get it. It was just the things you do. I mean, yes grim, isn't it?

Yeah. I remember, um, uh, mate of mine, comedian Jimmy McGee, uh, who we, I used to go do that in my fringe with him and stuff. And I was always quite particular, and we, we shared Flats and Edinburgh. And I, you hit it well, but I think it was a bit of a nightmare. I liked things quite clean and I was quite bad. Um, what was it? I'm a lot better. This is, um, your version of, of me now was so much better. And I remember the first time he came to ours and he stayed on, Robin was only a baby.

And he said, well, I remember I was lying there on the living floor and he was just sitting there with a cup of tea or whatever. And I had Robin held above us and some slava literally fell off Robin's face, off his mouth and just landed on your face. And I just didn't react and just wiped it off. And Jimmy McGay was like, that was the moment I knew you'd changed and you were fully your dad. Is that because like any drool went anywhere near you, you'd have went, but you just, when you've got kid, you just change.

Oh, yeah, of course. Didn't you do anything for your kids? So you would not want your little girl to be uncomfortable. So you're like, yeah, why'd you see family? I mean, eh, like fine. It wouldn't be like, get your pants off and wipe it on your pants. Although sometimes if Rieff's got snots and I've got, if I know I'm not, I knew I was going straight home. Sometimes what I'll do is... Bottom of his drummer, bottom of his drummer. Bottom of his drummer. That's what I do. Other trousers. Inside of the trousers. So I pull the cuff on his trousers and I put my fingers up where he's like, sock is, and rub it on the inside of his pants.

Oh, you mean from that what you've had on you? I thought you meant you were wiping his nose with the bottom of his trousers like cheeses, he's not a flecker. Oh yeah, he's got a bad back by the way. He's pulling the muscles in his back. We're taking him a baby over. Christ.

Hi, Chris and Rosie. We were just listening to episode three or three about what outfit you wanted to be buried in. And my husband came up with a great idea. Oh, I do think this is quite funny. He said that if he knew he was going to die, then the day before he'd eat loads of popcorn kernels. So that when he was cremated, the popcorn kernels would start popping and give everyone a laugh or a fright.

absolutely stupid I would do that wouldn't work why did you get cremated the day you die you die and they immediately take you straight to the place to get cremated do they yeah okay but do they not do you stop does he stomach not stay everything out empty everything else yeah do they and bomb you and everything

Even your stomach gets emptied. Yeah. So what he needs to do, if he really wants to do it at work, what he needs to do is he needs to wait for a relative to die. He needs to go to the chapel of rest the night before the cremation with a bag of popcorn kernels and a scalpel. And he needs to view the body and he needs to cut the body open and he needs to put the popcorn kernels inside the body. Right. And then the next day he can have a right laugh. And I think that works better because he gets to enjoy his joke then as well.

Why? Okay. Okay. Do you want, have you made a full decision of what you want to be? Cremated or buried? I thought you meant when I grew up. I want to be. No. How do you want to die? Not bad. Again, stuffed and mounted on the mantle would be perfect. If you don't mind. Okay.

Um, yeah, that'll be good. Just stand up there. Awful. Just watching over everyone. No. Just don't hang clothes on us, but you will hang clothes on us and stuff. You know what? You know what? Yeah, yeah. No, we'll get ya. Christmas decorations. You can put lights on us at Christmas. Like a tree, yeah. Christmas tree. There it is. The Christmas tree. I love you as a rug. Excuse me. But your head, like, stuck up there. I know exactly. Like the bears. I love you as a nice rug and you'd be outstretched. Yeah. Your neck wouldn't hurt anymore.

Oh, what I'd have is a little rug, little skin. Isn't it funny that we don't do stuff like that? No. No, I don't know. I don't know. Like why? Loads of stuffs become normalized. Like loads of random mad shit has become normalized. Why can't we, when we die, just to keep people's skin and why? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. Well, that couldn't use a do. Do it?

Just put that out there, didn't you? Made it up. You just put that out there, out of the shower, you know, there couldn't, there's a mic do it, there we go, I'll pick one, yeah. Why don't you get, um, your body thinking to science? Donate to science. Yeah. Well, you're gonna be a robot. Um, and I will be, I'll be a computer virus and I'll infect you.

Can you? I'm being serious here. Would you like your body to go to science? Because my friend actually does deal with that, if you want. I can let her know. So I'm not going to out with her. She's going to out with me. I'm going to die. Well, it depends. I want to be buried, by the way. Buried, plot, next to me, nana, and granda, hopefully. There is not much room. We'll have to shift some people. And then, just because I want people to have picnics around, when you get cremated, you know, you're just in a book, there's no nothing. You got your ashes?

Yeah, ashes and you're finally gone on there. No, but your family can put them in a urn on the mantelpiece. To be fair. Next to it, you can, you can, when people die, you can put their ashes in urns and you can make my stuffed and mounted body hold them. If you get joints, ah, get, get me stuff and mounted, but get something where I've got joints like, you know, then the, the things that people draw are like an action man, like an action figure. So you can move us around for different locations. You can do different things like, like elf on the shelf. Yeah. But, you know,

Yeah? What can we call you? Elf on the shelf. Chris in the crib. Just in the corner. Just Chris in the corner. Just Chris in the corner. Different things, you know, Christmas, I'm holding stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got loads of Easter eggs. Okay, if you go up pretty soon, I would do that because I think the kids would know that. Alright, and well, let's see how this feels. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go do. One guy's died from it. I might be numb back to him. Daddy on the day door real. Daddy on the day door real. There you go. We have a day door real. I'll make one. A big one first. Baba do Baba do Baba do Baba.

Dear Chris and Rosie, whilst listening to the story of the electrician and the secret porn stash, I was reminded of something where it happened a few years ago which I thought everyone needed to hear. You need to hear this! One evening, you're right. Please, excellent!

Well, sit up straight. Well, yeah, I'm trying. You said something earlier on and I threw me head back and go forward at you. And it hurt even more. Why am I getting blamed for this? No, no, no, you're not. You're comedy's dangerous, man. You're triggering me. You trigger me. Oh, yeah, man. I don't. You're ghastly. Why am I married? God, I hate being married. Again. Again. What's just... Oh, fuck. Oh, God! I just hate this. Help. I just want to be. I just want to be on that. I just want to be by myself.

definitely a knot in the air like I'm the go in and they're gonna go always knot here carry a lot of tension in your shoulders Chris I say yeah it's just cold rosy all right and it stays still right come on carry on come on we've got stuff to do right one evening me and my brother were around our grandparents house for tea and in casual conversation we asked whether they had anything planned for that night without hesitation my grander told us he was going to deal with Tommy

Given that nobody in our family is called Tommy and the grumpy old bastard doesn't have any friends, we asked him what he meant. Tommy, he replied. But this time, he pointed to a gift bag that was stood in the corner of the kitchen. As curiosity got the better of me, I walked over to the quite lavish gift bag and peered in sight. However, nothing could have prepared me for what I came across. What do you think of it? Tommy. We've been talking a lot about it.

I don't know. It's an urn. Ah! Yeah. Right. Given that we didn't know a Tommy, yet his ashes were set in our grandparents' kitchen, we obviously had a couple of questions. It turns out that Tommy was the dead father of the next door neighbour who had recently moved out and had presumably forgotten to take his dad, dad, with him. Now, believe it or not, this is where the story gets weird. Wow. So obviously this, someone's been living next door. Yeah. They've had their dad in the urn, forgot to take him with him.

So Tommy is the father of the next door neighbour who's presumably moved out and just left the other way. Yes, yes. A few days prior to this, the men whose job it was to clean out the remainder of the neighbour's house came and knocked on our grandparent's door, telling them you've got to come and take a look at this.

Imagine, wouldn't you act like, oh, yes. I would imagine if someone knocked on our door right now and said, we're clearing out next door or like over the... Would you like a nose around? Would you want to have a look? I'd be like, ah, yes. Are you for real? Is it? What? Like, come on. Nothing more intriguing than behind the closed doors of next door.

Honestly, genie in a lamp, three wishes, one of them wishes might be, can you just keep knocking on us to go and look where I'm manky people's houses? Like, I want to say, I want to say, boring, just in one day, no thank you. I want the grim. Oh, doesn't that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had stuff that's been left. We had stuff that's been left. Okay, so, right, you've got to come and take a look at this. I'm fizzin'. I'm literally drippin', right?

The next door neighbour had always been a very quiet and reserved man. So what they saw on entering the house was quite a shock to their system.

As he walked through the door, they were greeted by hundreds of sex toys. Multiple boxes filled with porn DVDs, stacks of dirty magazines, various forms of bondage, and a torture chair with poor old Tommy abandoned in the middle of it all. An urn of ashes in the middle of the stockroom of a fucking sex shop by the sides of it. Yeah. Once they'd done a quick inspection. What he would have wanted.

It's what he would've wanted by all of his family. We don't know him, do we? He could've been. Could've been a filthy perfect. Once they'd done a quick inspection of the horror before, then my nan ran back into their house to fetch the iPad. And after a little photo shoot of my granddad holding a chain in one hand and a whip in the other, they saw it.

All my neighbors! With the iPod! With the iPod! With the iPod 4th and 3th. With the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod 4th with the iPod

To be fair, the next night, me grander took Tommy to the local cemetery and scattered his ashes, admittedly with a tear in his eye. As he quite rightly said, nobody deserves to be treated like that. Well, you didn't know. To this day, we are not sure where the neighbour went. All we can do is be grateful that his dead dad didn't get thrown in the skip alongside his collection of filth. Well, actually, you know, in the log's defence, Tommy could have been a right bastard.

Yeah, and I hate the shit on this, but the grander seems to think he's done a nice thing, but he's took the ashes to a cemetery and just scattered them round in the cemetery. That's the death equivalent of going. Do you want to come and sleep in the reception of this sold-out hotel?

What do you mean? Like, he's not put him in a grave. Oh no, because he's the cemetery. The cemetery, everyone's in the grave. They're the buried? Ah, you just fuck. Yeah, you're on the path. There you go. You're on the path of the cemetery. Yeah. You'll be mourned next to, but never mourned for, for eternity. Oh, well, in the wind. Yeah. Where would you want to be scattered? I know you want to be cremated rather than buried. Where do you want to be scattered? That's a question. Um... BJJ?

Yeah, on the mats. Great. Only last one, then Alex will hoover the mats and then that. I'd like to be placed on the mantelpiece in the next time someone's trying to break the world record of how many people have sex with in 24 hours. I'd just like to be on the mantelpiece, judge in the mall. Marching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in quick. Quick. The next sentence is quick.

Rosie and quick, that is a nasty rumour. I don't want that to circulate. Rosie, hi Rosie and quick, this is just a very Chris story. That's why. Me and my now husband were Christmas shopping and we saw a bell that he thought would be funny to buy for his mum as I'm guessing the man babied my husband and his brother at the time as he was only 22.

So the mom, very much babies, him and his brother. Right, okay, okay. He runs after them, right? So the bell, so it's a bell. I'm guessing for him to ring. Yeah, so he's obviously thought it's funny at her. Right. Yeah. Is that okay? I'm on it. Anyway, I gave him a nod look as I don't think he realized what was on this side. Right. But being the utter asshole I am, there's no way that I was telling him. Fast forward to Christmas Day. He gives his mum the present and as she opened it, her face looked shocked.

He laughed and told her it was for him and his brother to use whenever they need her. Right. So it was a bell? It was a bell for them to use. Ding, ding, ding, ding. I don't now be like her mother, yeah. On one side of the bell, there is nothing. It's just blank. On the other side of the bell, which her husband has not seen, it says, in big, white writing, ring for a shag.

I could have guessed that. That's so good. Just had no idea. That's what made me bring a ring when we need you. Wow. It's safe to say I've never let them live it down and we'll always make a joke about it.

Oh, have you been hanging out your mouth for a shag? Oh, it's horrible. Look, Daddy, teacher says, every time a bell rings, mommy needs a shag. Do you know what that was from? What, no? Of course. No. I'm wasted. I'm wasted around here. Is that real? Waste? Tell us? Yeah, it's from the end of a, it's a wonderful life.

Because it's a wonderful life. He's got his guardian angel with him, but the angel hasn't got his wings until he does something good, and he saves George. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then right at the end, a bell rings, and the little kid goes, look, Daddy, get your says every time a bell rings, and angel gets his wings. Because the angel got his wings. Right. Oh, I've just got it. I got goosebumps.

It's really, you know. What goosebumps? No. Angels and stuff, not angels. Fully real. Look at that. That's... Yeah. Because angels do get them. Brilliant movie. Brilliant movie. It's a wonderful life. It's a movie all over. Settling. Settling for what you've got.

Is this a 20 year old Chris who went to university for a few months and did film a media? Absolutely. Okay. So that's for what he's got. Great. Just watch it back, everyone. Just watch it back. Under the girl, under the guise of E-cells. E-cells. He's absolutely got, he hits everything, hits his life, hits his tongue, hits where he works, hits everything, he does, hits his job. Then the angel goes, ah, sorry, man in it. And he goes, ah, it's fine, actually. And then that's it.

Well, it's contentment. Cells. Content. No, no, it made me friends talk about this all the time, sometimes, right? Even if things are going really shit, and you know, and you want more, or you want less, are you stressed? I think sometimes you just have to look, sit back and go in your life and go like, I'm a content. And yeah, yeah, I am. Yeah.

contentment, not constantly striving for more. Yeah, there is that. Because sometimes the real gem is in the mundane, isn't it? I love the mundane, mate. Oh, god, yeah. Honestly, give me a bit of routine, a shitty little routine, just like after this, I'm going to go on the shops. I'm literally finishing this. I'm going to go to the supermarket at the shop and then we're going to, I'm going to get the kids from school. What? We need bananas. I'm not, what do you fuck?

I'm trying not to swear! Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of shagged married annoyed. Yes, thank you so much. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shagged married annoyed at gmail.com. Please continue to send absolutely everything you do. The podcast, wouldn't be what it is without you wouldn't be able to send in all that other stuff. And we'll be back in the years next week. See you later, alligators. Bye! Bye!