Welcome to the shit show. Things are going to get weird. It's your fave villain, Kayla. And you're listening to Barely Famous. Hey, fuckers. It's Kayla with another episode of Barely Famous. Today, I have a TikToker or grandmother that went viral or mom who is just real as fuck on TikTok. Her name is Amber.
And I think you guys are gonna really love her story. I think she has a lot to offer. And I can't wait to talk about her viral grandma article because I thought that was so cool. So let's welcome her to Barely Famous.
Hello. Hey. Hello. I was just, I did your little intro and I was talking about the, so I followed you on TikTok forever ago, right? And I had, I had just seen you on my for you page. And once I got to your page, it had been like a significant amount of time that I had been following you when I saw this article that you, I guess it was pinned on your thing.
about going viral as being like a hot grandma or something like that. And I was crying because I was like, wait a minute. So what was the deal with that?
So I don't even know, like, how does this even happen with TikTok? I randomly, you know, did a video about somebody, I don't know. I don't even know. I did a video talking about something and someone left a comment, like, Grandma, like, aren't you, like, 27? And I responded, like, 27, girl, like, you know, just like genuinely
just responded and that blew up to like 20 something million views. It was crazy because it was just nothing. That's so funny. I had me crying because I was like, wait a minute. I didn't know any of this. I just had followed you for other reasons. But anyway, hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you?
Okay, it's when like I said, just a shit show today, but um, okay, let's talk. Let's tell me about yourself. Tell me about, I know that you were a team mom. I knew that from TikTok and you had two kids as a teen, which obviously we can relate on that. Um, what was that? Like, and you grew up in Michigan, no? I did. Mm hmm. And have you ever run into M&M? Cause I'm a huge fan. Which is like weird cause that's where we'd be at the same place as I'm like, how do I listen to him?
Do you live anywhere near eight mile? No, actually, I used to live right off eight mile for years, but I no longer do. Yeah. It's not like everyone's like, hey, I had the movie. I'm like, it's just, it's just the divider of the city, really. Oh, okay. Okay. So that wasn't, that's not like a, like a place. It's a divider. It's a street. It's literally a street that divides a Detroit from all the suburbs.
Okay, so where's 313? 313 is like, we should write the city. And that's where you live? No, I'm not in the city anymore. I'm in the bed now. You're like, I'm a suburban mom slash grandma now. Okay, so how am I allowed to ask how old are you? Yeah, I'm 37. And you are in fact a grandmother. I am in fact a grandmother of two.
Up to, yeah, you have the little girl. I don't know if you ever say her name or not. So I do just like casually. Her name is Elena, but yeah, so I have her. She's three and then her older sister. Yes, and he has five. Okay, do you have both of them or you just have the little one? I just have the little one, the older ones with her dad. Everyone else. What is the older one? Unless she's with her dad. And do they get together?
Yes. Yes. So I get her. I used to get her a lot more, but she's in school now. She's in kindergarten. She has a whole life of her own. So I get her a little bit less often. But, you know, the part of me getting my younger granddaughter was like to preserve that sibling bond despite whatever is happening with their parents. Yeah, I know how that goes. It's hard. It's hard to. I mean,
It's so easy for people to be like, oh, you know, this is what I would do. But it's, it's just not, I mean, I'm glad that you have one so that you're able to kind of keep them together and make sure that, you know, they, they get to see each other still, but let's run it back. So your teen mom, you had your daughter first or your son first. I had my daughter first. Yep. I had my daughter when I was 14. Okay. I don't know how you did it at 14 because I did it at 17 and I thought I was going to lose my mind at 14. You're like a baby, baby.
I know and it's crazy because now my son's 14, my youngest, his 14 and I'm like, you could never. Like there's no way. There's absolutely no way. No, I have my third.
Go ahead, go ahead. I was asking the kids, like, I see kids that age every time, even when my daughter, when she was in the eighth grade, I just, I would stare at her every single day, like, oh, God. Oh, God, this is what happened. Like, no, there's no way. Thank you. Like, she did it. But like, yeah, her whole eighth grade year, every day, I just woke up like, and stay with Hannah.
I don't know what it is about the kids raised, I mean, I have not, I mean, knock on wood. I haven't seen any teens pregnant. I don't know about any teens pregnant in like my son's school. My son's 13, my oldest son is 13. And it's so funny on the way to the office today. He asked me how old was I when I started smoking weed and because there's kids at his school that smoke in the bathroom and stuff. And I'm like, I literally said to him, I'm like,
I just don't know how you would even get away with that because I'm so involved in what all my kids do and my mom just didn't care. So I was running the streets doing all kinds of shit. I cannot picture kids today doing it. And I don't know if it's being that it's we're in 2023 or it's that we are just involved parents like I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, I think it's probably a combination because I was the same way raising my daughter like she she couldn't blink without me knowing what I was on her. I was on every which probably backfired later, but when she was a kid and under my care, baby, she was on point because I was on top of everything. I knew everything. All of her friends parents were significantly older and they didn't know what the hell was going on and their kids were too scared to talk to them. So my daughter will come and tell me things and I'm like,
their parents don't know about this. Like, what are you not doing? But like, I was the young mom, you know, so people would talk to me, even her friends. Like, I was the person that they came to. Man, and parents ain't know nothing that was going on. No, they don't. And I think it's because we're when we had our kids, we were not that far removed from how old they are, right? Like, I'm 31. I have a 13. He's about to be 14. So
I remember the things that I was doing at his age, like yesterday, where, you know, if you're in your 30s having kids, by the time that they get to the age that we were at when we had kids, it's just so different. I think it's not that different when we have one more young and we have our kids young. I'm not saying that that's like, don't, I'm not doing anything. Don't do that. Oh my God. Every time I post, everyone's like, stop encouraging this. I'm like, I'm not protesting. We're not.
Like, please don't. I think I saw, I think you did a video about it, right? Like, someone was talking about, like, encouraging it. And you're like, no, I'm literally doing the opposite. Like, I'm trying to tell you guys the struggles. I've done so many videos of, like, I'm not encouraging this. Like, please, no, I don't even want adults to have kids. Like, everybody just chill for a minute. Like, stop, Pat. I don't want adults to have kids. And I just, wait a minute, calm down. That's so funny.
Okay, so you have your daughter at 14 and then you have your son a couple of years later. Yeah, so I had my daughter at 14 at 16. We got married to her dad and we got pregnant like immediately after we were married. So I had my son at 17. And how was that? You were a teen mom to two parents married. What was that like?
That was crazy. And for me, it was normal. People ask me that all the time. I'm like, I don't know. It was just my life. You know what I mean? I don't know the alternative, really. That was it for me. But at the time, like you said, like you were young, your parents wasn't really paying attention to what you were doing. You were kind of wilding out. Same thing.
For me, I was just like, I'm grown. What are you talking about? Like, I'm married. I have kids. I'm living an adult life. Like, what's the big deal? But yeah, but their dad was kind of a dick. Can I say that? Yeah, he was kind of a dick. And like, it's so, it just, it wasn't a good marriage. It wasn't a good relationship. He wasn't a good dad. We were very different people. But it's hard to know when you're a teenager, really what type of person you are. And you usually like just develop so quickly in those later teen years into like the person you're gonna be.
And we were just growing in complete opposite directions. So by the time I was 19 years old, I was done and finally left him. Yeah, and that was it. So then I was 19 and single with two kids. That was me at, I don't even know how old I was when I was divorced with two kids, but my first two kids had different dads. Also, I think you have talked about like, your kids are biracial, right?
We also have that in common. Was that, was that kind of common where you grew up or was that like taboo situation? Yeah. And also, I don't understand. So when people make comments, I'm always so blown away. I forget that TikTok is like the whole world and it's people that whose whole world is TikTok and they literally don't go outside of their bedrooms. They don't know what the hell's happening in the real world, but what I grew up.
You know, I grew up in Lansing, Michigan. So it's about an hour and a half from Detroit. That's why I went to school and everything. And it's not just diverse. It's very integrated. Everybody is mixed. Everybody's working together, playing together, going to school together. So I don't even know. It was a melting pot. It was not uncommon at all. You didn't think twice about it. So yeah, my first two children are Puerto Rican and Colombian and white. So technically, they're racist white, but their ethnicity is Hispanic.
And then after, you know, I had divorced their dad a few years later, I met my second husband and had, you know, a biracial son, which again to me, whatever, like I'm not picking people for their race. I'm just like, hey, you're a cool person or a good dude or whatever, like you could be purple Asian. I don't care. I didn't care. So I mean, like at this point, we could do the rainbow. I don't care.
like it makes no difference to me. But yeah, people seem to take issue with that. Fix it. Yeah, I noticed on your videos, I haven't, I have not experienced that as much as what I've seen on your page. Like people are very fixated on that with you. And I thought that was really interesting because that's not my experience. I haven't had people really say anything to me about it. And
I just like couldn't believe some of the comments that you get. Like this literally happens every day. And you know, it's almost like people were acting like it was foreign. Like you're the one that started it.
Yeah, no, I don't understand what the fascination with me and race is, but there is some fascination, which also kind of was like a whole other leg of my TikTok journey was, oh my gosh, you know, there were some really large creators that were coming for me.
like unprovoked and unnecessarily so. And it was an issue where I had a whole stalker. Like she was like stalking every single social media that I had and was like blowing me up sending messages, like tagging me, like going crazy. My whole, her whole page was like videos of me. It was insane. It was insane.
And this was a big creator? Well that one was them but the people the reason how she found me was because a big creator did a video on me and I like clapped back and it was like a whole thing the videos have all to my knowledge been deleted or the original video was deleted that the large creator came after me or whatever um yeah but again just what
I don't know. What the fuck? I don't understand what is there to come at you for? I'm not following. Were you canceled for something? No, apparently I have a black scent. A what? A black scent. What is that?
a black accent. I don't know. So it's the whole like, it's an insinuation that I try to be black or I want to be black or that I'm doing it for clout or that I'm appropriating culture or I'm like, oh, she thinks she has a black kid or a black man. So she can do,
People forget that I existed before the internet and I existed before TikTok. So I've been a whole human being before all these things came to play. And just because you see me now doesn't mean that I'm trying to appropriate something I saw on this app because I've literally been the same person since before the app existed. But people get stuck on that. So originally what happened was a creator called Aunt Karen, which that's my real name.
but she did she took a video she found a video of me talking about something positive I was just talking about some I don't know happy smiley happy shit and she took that video and made a duet or a stitch or something and was like but why the blacks and and was just like going in on me and everybody and I happened to see it like within 10 minutes of her posting it and I looked at her follow count like 1.6 million followers I was like what
What else was this like, how'd it happen or be known for or whatever? And so I was busy, so I took a screenshot, real quick, so I remember to go back to it, because at the time I had a lot of notifications, and I just couldn't keep up, so I'm like, okay, screenshot, I'll go and whatever. Well, next thing I know when I go to go back to respond, it was deleted because the comments that she was getting were all like, why are you doing this? What are you talking about? They were like supportive of me, and I think it didn't get the reaction that she wanted, so she deleted the video.
But I decided to still go ahead and respond to her because I was just like, you can't falsely call things like this out because you have a large platform that you could be using for good and calling people out for stuff that's not actually wrong or they're not actually doing anything wrong. Like, that's bullshit. So yeah. And then it like went on this whole thing. And then the girl found me and then she started stalking me. It was like crazy.
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The amount of, and I talk about it all the time, like the amount of effort that people put into hating other people is so insane to me, because if I literally don't like someone, I will just either move on. I might send something to the girl group chat and be like, oh, this gets on my nerves, but like, that's the extent of it. I'm not going
to links or making videos or doing any type of like cyber stalking, cyber bullying to someone that I don't like. Like, because you've got a whole round of mental illness. My world is never going to revolve around someone else other than my children. So like, what in the world are you all doing with your free time?
Yeah. Well, and I think a lot of it has to do with it. People really, and I've just learned this, especially since being, and you've been dealing with this for a long time, obviously, because of just being in the public eye and the media and everything, but, you know, people love to point out the flaws or perceive flaws and others, because it makes them somehow feel better about their own insecurities. It really is projection. It really, and I hate, like,
being this, I don't know, like, in this world where everyone's like, oh, I'm using these big therapeutic words, like, man, or sis, and da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da
The only contribution you want to have and make is that of positivity and just uplifting other people so they can get to that place you're at, period. Yeah, that's what I had a conversation with my boyfriend about that last night because someone had said something about him and
he just couldn't wrap his head around it because he's like, I don't bother anybody. And I looked at him and I said, but that person doesn't realize that they're projecting. When you're in that state and I've been there like through depression and other like lows, low times in my life where I realized, okay, I've talked shit when I shouldn't have or this bothered me more than it should have. It's not something that truly impacts my life, but I fixate on it.
is I'm projecting because I'm not happy with myself and something that's going on within myself. Unfortunately for him, but he couldn't wrap his head around the idea that someone would not realize that they're even projecting. I'm not miserable, but you do X, Y, and Z. I'm not miserable. I have X, Y, and Z going on.
And that might be true. You might have those things going on, but you're still not happy within yourself and your own life for you to be fixating on someone else's life in that velocity. Absolutely. Absolutely. I did see another video of yours that you were talking about how you don't have kids with your husband. Did I? Is that right? Yeah. Can you talk to me about that? Because clearly I've had a problem across the board with, I seem to have children with pretty much every single person I'm with.
So I'm just wondering how that dynamic works for you and do you ever feel like, you know, your marriage or your relationship is missing something because you haven't had kids with him?
No, I feel like the only way it's going to survive is if we don't have a child. Okay, so here's a, there's a couple of different things that play into this. Number one, you know, obviously I had a kid at 14 years though, got married and was like, we're gonna be together forever. I don't want to have multiple partners. I was like, I only want one person my whole life. I want all my children to have the same father. I want this picture perfect thing that I was told I was supposed to have. And I was like, I'm gonna have that.
And so I stayed with a person for far too long.
because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. And he was a shit person. And it was like, wait, why am I doing this? So we stayed together far too long because we had kids and because we were married and because that was the right thing to do. And it was a lot involved in that. So when I finally ended that situation and started building my life, and then I came across another boy and did the whole baby and marriage thing again. And we were together for 10 years. And once again, I felt like,
We were together far longer than I believe we would have been had we not had a child.
And I think a lot of us staying together was we really want. He was also a teen parent, so he had an older daughter. And so it was just like we wanted to provide our son with what we were unable to provide our older children with. And we wanted to provide them with this family. And we did. We achieved the American dream. We bought the house with the picket fence and the suburbs and did all the things. And there was something like that still just, it wasn't it.
So, um, I said after that, I was just like, I don't want to ever be in a relationship again or a marriage. I really didn't want to get married again because I was just like, I want to be in a situation. I want to be with a person that we wake up every day and we just choose each other because of who the person is and not because, oh, well, damn, we have assets tied together or we're married and it's too much of a pain to go through divorce or we have kids or this and that because I feel like
I always found these reasons to hold on that had nothing to do with the person that I was with. And I feel like those are not good reasons to say in a relationship or marriage or anything. So yeah, so with my husband, I was like, I don't want another reason to stay with you if I don't want to stay with you. And if I have a kid and even us being married, it was just like, we did it.
I didn't think I was ever gonna get married, but we did it. And I'm just like, just so you know, I have no problems getting a divorce. Like this paper is just, I don't mean it's good for like taxes and logistical shit. Most of that, like I have no problem divorcing her. It's just so we're fairly clear. Cause I'm not having shit hold me here. This delay. I don't want to be here. And he kind of felt the same. And no, he wanted to get it.
Oh shit, shit. So then what did you do? Like, how does that work when you, because I haven't ever been in a situation where I get, well, I guess my ex-husband and I, we had one and then I had some miscarriages. And so it was like, I don't want any more. I don't want to go through this again. I ultimately did with other people, um, another person, but, um,
You know, that was hard. How do you decide, because that's like a big decision, right? Like that's like a lifelong commitment, a huge decision. Are we going to have kids or not? How do you decide? Because you went back on, you know, your own position on the marriage thing, you decided to get married. How did you stick to the, I don't want to have a kid thing?
Well, because it's more than just like marriage, again, I think marriage is a lot easier to dissolve. You can't dissolve a kid. Like the kid is better. So I think for me, that was my little safety net. If we lived in a world where divorce was not legal or something, then I probably wouldn't be married. But because I know I have that out, if I need it, I'm good. But with a kid, he wanted to have a baby. And first of all, he has five children.
He needs no more. We need no more period. We have like 10 between the two of us between our kids and grandkids. There are 10 underneath us that we are responsible for in some way, shape or form. And that's a lot. So I was like, you know, first of all, we don't we don't need anymore. You don't need anymore.
but I'm the one who got to go through that. I don't listen. Listen, I feel like I never even got to see my body fully achieved. Like my boobs never fully came in. I bet even in saying like I never got a full woman body because I ruined it before it even came by getting pregnant. So I finally met a time in my life now where I am confident and I feel sexy and like even, you know, I got a stretch box on my belly or whatever, my 10s finally came in in my 30s. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I'm so thankful there.
I'm like, if you think I'm about to ruin this, absolutely.
And he finally was just like, okay, I agree. Like he was like, it wasn't a deal breaker for him. Well, I think it was just, we had several conversations over time. And I, you know, from our first date, and I continue to reiterate, like, I don't want, but what happened, I think ultimately, I did end up, he knew, like I was fighting to get my youngest grandbaby when we were dating and stuff.
I think once we got her, once I got her, and then he was more involved in our lives and everything, I think that was kind of like, well, this is like our baby, because we're gonna raise her together. So even though we don't have a baby that shares our features and things like that, we still have a child that we can raise together. So that's kind of like, we get the best of both worlds, I guess. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but what does she call you guys?
depends on a day and her mood because she calls, she calls Moon Mom and she calls him dad, mostly. And she knows us as mom and dad, but she knows we're also, I don't know how she knows. Like I think, well, because her, when her sister visits, she calls me grandma. So she also knows to call me grandma sometimes, but then, you know, his kids call me Miss Amber, so then sometimes she calls me by my name, but she's starting, she's three now, she's in preschool, she's very smart. And I think she's starting to realize like,
My family's a little different and I'm not really sure why. Like she doesn't really understand who was what and all of that. We had to do, we did a lot of therapy with her when she, I mean, she just graduated therapy. Recently, but up until then we were doing therapy and part of the therapy was
her calling me mom because when she was starting to talk, she started saying like, mama and stuff and I'm like, whoa. At this point, I hadn't even adopted her, so I'm like, like, so you're wrong. And we were going through therapy. The therapist is like, so how does she get your attention if she needs you? And I was like, well, she usually just says, like, give me a hug. Like, she doesn't call me anything. Like, she had names for my son. She had names for everybody.
But for me, she, because I didn't respond to mama, or I would like shut it down, she would just be like, I want hug. And that was how she got my attention. And the therapist was like, well, what do you think a mom is? So I went through the whole, you know, what I think a mom is, and she was like, and what are you to her? And I was just like, yeah, but this is weird, whatever. We went a lot in back and forth, but ultimately, like,
the therapist kind of helped me, okay, be okay with her calling me mom because as it came apparent that adoption was gonna happen, I'm gonna be mom on the birth certificate. When I take her to school, they're gonna call me mom, you know, as we're, you know, I had her in like swim classes and stuff and they're like, go to mommy, like these people don't know. So they automatically just refer to me as mommy and I'm not gonna be like, oh well, let me tell you my whole life story because actually I'm not her mom. I'm a grandma, you look great. I need to go to the Instagram and then it's like this whole thing
So I just let it be what it is. And like as she ages, I will age appropriately, answer any questions that she has. What is her relationship with her bio mom? So her bio mom, which is your daughter? Yeah, they don't. They don't really have much of a relationship. You know, my she has never really been in my daughter's care other than when she was first born.
So she was recently reintroduced to her life and again with like a little bit of guidance and how to properly reintroduce her. But my daughter is in the process of like getting her shit together. She's in the process of trying recovery and like all of these things that she needs to do.
They, when they have seen a lot, seen each other, like it's usually like, oh, let's go to an event or something. Like something that's like public and there's a lot of people there. So it's not like very intimate and like weird. Um, you know, they have a good time. My, my granddaughter loves everybody. So she's super lovey, super happy, super social, all of the things. And she's no different with her mom, but she just doesn't know like the, I think the depth of the, of what it is. You know what I mean? She's just like, oh, she's like another cool person.
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your role was with your granddaughter and also with your daughter. My mom was an addict and an alcoholic to this day. And I just bounced around a lot in my childhood and my grandparents were too old to like actually adopt me. So they did everything they could without the adoption aspect. And so, you know, if I wasn't with my grandparents, I was with friends or I was with other family members. And so
I think that there's a lot to be said about your character and who you are as a person to be willing to take on. I mean, you raised your kids, right? Like your youngest is 14. So you're almost out of, out of the woods as in terms of like raising children, which is so fucking hard. And I don't think that people talk about it. I mean, thankfully now with TikTok and social media, people are talking about the really hard parts of parenthood. But I think it just, it speaks to who you are as a person for actually taking on another child that
you know, you didn't necessarily plan to take care of. And I think that that's really awesome of you and your husband because then that also speaks to his character because he didn't have to do that either. Yeah. And that's the way we've had so many conversations over the years about it and how it would look and everything. And ultimately, like we viewed it from that standpoint, well, we're just going to be in it together. And this is like, we're going to raise her together and like all of these things. But every, every new day, every new thing that happens is like,
Oh, dang, like we never know what to expect. Like now that my daughter is cleaning and recovery, it's like I have all of these emotions that I didn't see coming. So now I was like really angry with her at first and then I was really, I'm just gonna love you through it. I'm just gonna be compassionate and I'm just gonna be like so selfless, unconditionally loving to you. And now I'm like, wait a minute, I'm mad again cause...
I'm actually having angry feelings and so I recently enrolled in this like it's families against narcotics and I have like basically my own 12 step program where I have a coach and I go through these the 12 steps of like recovery even though I'm not the addict I'm like the mother of an addict but as you know that comes with so many emotions and so many life changes and
I never know what to be prepared for it. I thought when my daughter got clean, everything was just going to be good again. It was just going to be great. And I was just like, OK, let's do this. And I realized that that's just the beginning of it. And recovery is not cut and dry. It is a long process. And there's a lot of things that come with that. And I was like, holy crap, it all hit me kind of hard. And my husband was really worried about me.
I did some research and found this place and I got enrolled in this program so I'm doing it now and I'm like really excited because I don't want to be angry but yeah it freaking I just said like I honestly like what the hell man raising kids I've been doing this shit since I was 14 I'm tired I'm so tired I hear you and that's why it's like whole like I cannot imagine like just like starting over when you're almost like you're almost there
But so do you know where the anger is coming from? Like you said, you're angry at first, which I think also comes with anyone who is affiliated or associated with someone they love being in addiction or alcoholism or anything like that. It's like, there are times where I forgive my mom, right? Like there's times where I'm
for giving, not for, for giving. And I go through these periods of time and then there's other periods of time where I'm like, I hate her guts and I don't understand how she did this to me still, you know? Do you know where the anger is now? Like, is it because she's clean and you know, you don't know where that leaves you and your granddaughter? Or is it because, you know, you've gone through all of this?
I think it's because I have a second to be angry. I think that when she was an active addiction, I was so busy worrying about her and so busy like, you know, is she safe? Oh my God, save her, save her. And also I couldn't because once I got the baby, I had to focus on the baby. So before I had the baby, I was I was knocking on hotel doors. I was chasing her down. I was like doing all of the things to try to legitimately like literally save her.
And then I got the baby and I had to focus on my energy and the baby, so then all of my emotional stuff and my mental stuff, my worries, my dreams, everything was around my daughter. Is she safe? Is she okay? Oh my god, what's going on? And it's like once all of that is lowered because now she's in recovery and she is safe and you know she's good and then it's like
Okay. Okay. So now you're safe and you're good. But why did you do this? Like what the heck? You know what I mean? Like, and it's frustrating too because mind you, I kind of started going through all this publicly because I did share it. And so then people ask me questions, which sometimes makes me think things that I maybe haven't thought of before. And people, you know, say a lot of really mean things. Oh, obviously you were a horrible mom. Obviously you, you've inflicted trauma on her and it's your fault and like all these things. And I'm like,
Oh my God, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think is my fault. Like even if people tell me that or not, I'm always, I would literally be sitting there like, you know, I wonder if I didn't ground her in the eighth grade for doing calling that boy if she would have, you know what I mean? I literally, I think, and I had the conversation with daughter. Like, do you think it's because you got in trouble that one time? Ever when I yelled at you, you would think like, I just ask her like, why? Because
Spear kid is 13, 14 years old right now, like your oldest. So think about when I raised her, like I said, we achieved like this picture perfect thing. I was like, oh my God, like the person that people look to like, wow, you did it. My daughter was on the honor roll, she got the grade, she was in church, she was on the cheerleading team, like picture perfect. Okay, she was like, amazing, she graduated at 16 years old, did all the things. Right. What happened? Right.
But it just, it just goes to show that addiction does not discriminate. It doesn't matter how perfect you are on paper, if you check off every box or you've had the picture perfect childhood because that was my mom. Like, yeah, of course, I mean, my mom, my mom was, she's in her fifties now. So she, she grew up at a time where, you know, it was like kids are seeing that hard kind of thing, but like she had other siblings that all went to college. My mom's older, my mom's older brother is a doctor teacher. You know, there's all kinds of,
How did she end up this way? It doesn't discriminate, you know? And so I just feel like the people who are, you know, sit there and they're like, oh, well, you must have done this. Well, how? How did she do all of these great things? And then this happened, I think, um,
people really need to open their eyes and understand that it can happen to anyone. Right. And that's why I do share publicly because I'm just like, if y'all, if I would have had this platform 10 years ago, we'd be having a completely different conversation. And you're just like, oh my gosh, look at her. They're just so cute. Like, yeah, everything was good then life happens. And sometimes we don't know why it happens. And I have my theories and a lot of it, I believe she had postpartum depression really bad after she had my oldest granddaughter.
Something happened like there was a switch in her and i know because i was up i was driving at the time i'm in the trade they was up in the Lansing area so i was making hour and a half drive like three four times a week spent in the night like all the things just to help out with the baby and everything and.
We had so many conversations. I was just like, what is going on with the emotions? Like, I don't know. Like, I'm not myself. I was like, you need to do the doctor. And she just kept refusing. She had a really bad pace of sepsis. Like, she had blood infection after he had the baby. She was in the hospital for a while. And it was like, after she got home from that,
Things were just different. And I just, we had so many conversations where I was just like, what is going on? Are you okay? She didn't feel like herself. She's like, I don't know what's going on with me. And she was searching for something. And I think like self-medicating and trying to figure out what that was led down a crazy road that got us to where we are today. But I mean,
no one really really knows and I think until she does she goes through like the full recovery process and she comes to kind of some of those answers herself like all I can do is really speculate but it just sucks like this isn't the life that I had pictured for any of us and not I didn't I didn't know that I was gonna be I thought it was gonna be a grandma like yes and the baby's on the weekends like let me smell him and cut a lump and like that's it and it's in the bag and then set them back right I always
Yeah, like, you just, ah, I guess today we, um, I was like, I want a pretzel. I'm sitting at my couch. I was like, I just want a pretzel so bad right now. I was like, I'm about to go to, like, the pretzel place and get a pretzel. I was like, Lord Jesus, I gotta get this. Go get your shoes on. Okay, I need to do all this. You want your blanket? I gotta go back in the house and get your blanket. Like, I, and I told my husband, I was like, I really miss, there's only like a few months of my life where I could just get up and go, but I miss that. Like, don't go get a pretzel.
I talk about that all the time. Someone sent me something yesterday and I was like, oh, that happened in the 3.5 seconds that I wasn't pregnant for once. Like, I'm always looking pregnant. So I completely resonate with that. Only the children I keep having. I can't. I don't even know how I got here either. Probably trauma.
We just take it day by day, but yeah, no, I think there's also so much to be said about like the getting up and go. Like we just can't, moms just can't. And when you're taking care of a child all the time, but who is Amber outside of being a mom and grandma? Like who, what do people not know about you? Because I feel like your whole TikTok presence is kind of like your backstory, but like who, who are you guys without, you know, not without, but aside from being a grandma?
You know, that scale is like the interesting thing. And I think that's part of the frustration is I was just finding that. I was just finding that out when I got my grandbaby. So like, you know, when you're young, you have kids, I literally gave up my life. I mean, like I was wild. Like I was 13 years old doing things.
grown people should not even be doing. And then I got pregnant and I was like, I'm done. I'm done doing all of the things. I'm just going to be a good mom. I'm going to be the mom that I wanted. I'm going to be a great mom. And I've dedicated my life to just doing everything I thought would make me a good mom.
And my whole life was centered around my kids. My jobs that I picked, they were jobs where I could make sure I got my kids to school and get them home from school. And on their lunch hour, I was up there volunteering at the Book Fair. And then I was taking them to cheerleading football, soccer, whatever. And all the things, my whole life was done. And then it was as they got older, OK.
I finished my college degree. I started, you know, working and like developing like a brand and like a corporate person and all of this stuff. And I was like, okay, cool. But it still was somewhat revolved around my kids or whatever. But it was just like, but I started to realize as my kids got older, I was like, oh my God, they're going to leave. And then what am I going to do? And that's when I started looking at my husband at the time differently, because I was just like, when the kids are gone, this, are we going to choose each other when they're not here? Because I'm like, it's so like,
So I was like this identity crisis and I started finding myself. I got divorced, you know, like all of the things. And I literally, I started a podcast, got 30, 30 and thriving. I was like on top of the world finding myself, exploring what I liked, what I didn't like. Cause when I got divorced from my husband, I had to get a new car and I was like,
I don't even know what kind of car I want or like because every decision I've ever made has always been tied to my husband or the person I was with. And like, what's going to be good for all the kids that we have to lug around. I never was just like, oh, this is the car I want. And that was like mind blowing for me. Like, I don't even know what kind of car to get. And so, yeah, so that was like a 30, 30 year friend. I'm early 30s. I'm thriving. I'm figuring myself out. I'm learning who I am.
Bam, back into this bullshit. So now I'm like, I'm still trying to figure it out. I feel like I meant for something so incredible and maybe this is it, right? Maybe my persona is always going to be tied into being a mom and a grandma and caring for others.
I just feel like I meant for something and it's so hard to just keep my eyes focused on just building and building and building and figure out who I am when I'm literally always like have to be available. Like you said, like you, it was a crazy day today. You have packets, like all this stuff, like literally before we got on, like my daughter's calling me with some craziness and like I just had to be available for like all of these outside things. And I was like, how the hell do people just do their things? Like imagine if I just, I think
I was like, does mom energy go off? I don't even know if that's like, do moms ever? Well, like now you're a grandmother. So like, do they ever just like turn off that and can be just a human outside of all? Like, I don't know. Like, is that? So that's my point. So like, it's funny because when team mom came out, I watched the first season in a part of the second. So you're on the second season, right? Like the over OJ's? Yeah. You, I stopped watching after you because I was like, but
This is too much. It was also frustrating because I was, but anyways, nonetheless, my point is that as I was watching that, I was just like, at the time, I was already well into raising my kids, like in my 20s. But I was like, I wish there was like a teen mom's all grown up. Like I've, I mean, I had this thing like teen mom's all grown up because for me, the hardest part about being a teen parent was not figuring out how to buy diapers at 15. But it's like, it's buying your kid braces when they're 12. It's figuring out,
Amber, get out of my fucking head because Kristen and I, she's on this call or she's on the Zoom or whatever. I tell her that all the time. I'm like, I'm so sick of the fact that people will talk about teen parenting being hard because of diapers and not having a job or a license or whatever. But you know what he talks about the teen.
Nobody talks about the teen years. Like I cried because I had to take my son's phone away from him last weekend and I didn't know why he was sneaking behind my back trying to play a game on his phone. Like nobody talks about how much my insurance doesn't cover braces for these kids. I got to pay $6,000 for three out of four of my kids. So and their dad, I mean, one of their dads doesn't help. And so one of them is completely on me. And so they don't talk about
the later years, like no shit, it were exhausted when they're babies. Every mom is exhausted when you're a baby, no matter how old you are. But the teen years and the tween years, forget about it. Yeah, and that's my point. Like teen mom algorithm, it's like the hardest part comes later on when you are just starting to figure out who you are as a human being while your kids are growing into human beings and you're trying to like get them to be a good human being, but like you don't even really know yourself, you're just figuring it out. So like it's really, it's difficult.
in so many other ways. And now, yeah, so no matter how long I live, my grandma's 87 years old and she's still independent. Damn it, if I live that way, I get exhausted even thinking about living that long. I'm like, oh my God, if I got 50 more years,
No, I tell my kids all the time. Cut me off at 60, pull the fucking plug. Like, I'm not doing this shit. Any more years after 60, I cannot do it. Count me out. That's it. I'm like, I want, you know, of course, hopefully I live a long, healthy life. Just let my grandma be independent, but that's the point. I want it. Man.
If I have to 15 years of parenting and grandparenting and great-grandparenting and maybe great-great-grandparenting, like, oh, my, I just get so tired, like, it makes me cry when I think about it, because I'm just like, oh, my God, it's so much. Like, I will never not be a parent. I will never, ever, in my entirety get one shot at life, one. And this is why I'm...
Commodating to me like listen to me one shot at this shit, and I will never know what it's like to not be a parent I will never know what it's like to not be responsible for a human another human being financially mentally emotionally like an Anyway, I will always this is all I will ever know So yeah, don't wait. Just wait the have kids. Please Lord Jesus Oh, I tell people all the time don't have kids like my my two oldest They tell me they don't want kids and I'm like good go explore the world go travel like
Don't have kids if you don't want to because just don't.
And that's the thing, you know, I used to tell my daughter that I'm like, you know, I have a lot of friends who like, one of my really, my best friends of heads and cells, eight, she's having her first baby now at 37. She's not doing to have her any day now. But like, going up my daughter, she's watching all my friends. I'm like, do you see how beautiful my friends are? Do you see how amazing their bodies are? Do you see how much they're traveling and how much fun they're having? Be like them. Do you see me? I haven't washed my hair in three weeks. Like, don't be like me.
not watched right now. I've not watched it since Monday. And I just we just do what we can. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh my God.
Hi, I'm Stasi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast, Stasi, wherever you get your podcasts.
No, but nobody talks about that part. It's always, you know, you're gonna be tired, you need, you know, the diapers, the formula. That's not the worst part for me. The more talks about the later years. No. Now I'm like, my tummy tuck is ruined and I don't know if I'll have. I need my boobs done. That's what I'm saying. Like you finally get to put a place where you're like, good. And then you're like, oh, have another baby.
Every time it's, but every single time I'm like, just getting my groove back a little bit and we've like kind of gotten with like the ebbs and the flows of everything, I find myself pregnant again. I find myself. I don't know how it's happening. You would think I would know by now, but. Yeah, you got to get to him. And one of y'all like just like, close up shop. My husband, I was like, um, no, you need to, cause yeah, and he did, cause I'm like, there's no way I can't.
Okay, so every episode before we end it, we do dating profiles. So I'm going to pull up some dating profiles that we can react to. And this is fun. I haven't done this in a while, actually. Oh, good. Okay, perfect. The first dating profiles. Gentlemen always get treated bad girls. I enjoy riding my bike slash working a lot. So stacking the money for my house and the life of the party.
I'm a life of the party, unlike some girls as their bums, or want everything for nothing. Might as well go out with no one as you're all tramps. Yeah, I mean, I knew that was where I was going from. He sounds like he sounds like he heard about the the run on sentence. I don't even know. Like I had a hard time reading it because there was no period. So like I didn't know or comma. So like I'm just having a hard time with the grammar.
Yeah, someone hurt him. You're all tramps. Someone definitely are in. Okay, the next one says, excuse me, women are a joke. They are the worst creatures on planet Earth.
This one looks like Bumble or Tinder, maybe? That says, y'all just play games and treat the good, decent guys like shit. There are no good women around anymore. He claims he's 5'11 and he's a Christian. It would have been easier to just put up a bunch of red flags and just, he could have kept all of those words. Just red flag emojis and that's it.
Well, it's just like you're on a dating app. So if you think you're going to attract people this way, I think you need to reevaluate where you, you know, the whole your life. You must believe in that if you push girls, that means you like them. You hit girls. It means you like them. People like that. And then the last one says,
He's about me. He's 32, and it says trigger warning. You're probably nearing 30 with or without someone else's kids, and now you want to date and settle down with a real man. By the age of 25, you have thrown out your price a minimum of four times because you deserve better. I have a comfy life, a good job that pays 40K plus a year with a house on the way. What do you bring to the table? If the answer is your kids, your looks or holiday wishes go pound sand.
No, no men that has a shred of self respect would even touch you. So he would've been easier for him to just say, I pay for Punani. Cause clearly you ain't getting it for free. Yep. Ain't knowing. Not with that attitude. I pay. Like you're trying to attract women, the women that you're, you're on a dating app. Like you, I don't understand. I think a lot of these men are in the closet. Exactly.
Like if you don't like women, that's okay. No, but it's that projection. It's that projection. They are upset with themselves. They have this hatred towards women to upset with themselves because they're gay and they can't just admit it. So instead, they project their hate of themselves onto women. And that's why they're on it.
You know what, I feel bad for them and I hope they heal really soon. I feel bad for the women got a swipe through that. Oh my gosh, man. I don't know what I would say if I actually was on a dating app and had to come across that. Like I don't even know how I would react because I feel like I would get really upset. Like what is wrong with this person? But anyway, it was great to finally meet you because I've been following you for some time. And where can people follow you so that they can go
Look, watch your TikToks, your Instagram, all that. Yep, get real with AB is my handle on everything. Okay, perfect.
you have any projects that you wanna plug, ready any books, you have a podcast. So, I have so many things. Okay, so first and foremost, if you're in Michigan and you're looking for a realtor, I am a licensed realtor, and if you already are a realtor, I teach continuing education class so you can get your credits with me. That's how you gotta get them anyway. I teach people how to use social media to grow their real estate business. I also do social media consultations, and that was actually my day job, like long before I actually started growing myself on social media. I helped other people grow on social media.
Oh, perfect. Okay. Boom. That net is my website. Oh, I love that. No, perfect. I'll put that in the bio too. So that or like the description of this episode. So people can click on it. But yeah, I actually didn't know about the real estate stuff. So that's awesome. Well, thank you for coming on Barely Famous. Thank you so much for having me. I was so excited to talk to you.
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