Be gone insecurities! Cut the dead weight! (E)

Hello, beautiful beans. Welcome to the podcast episode of today. This is the last on core episode because next week we dive straight into some brand new content and you'll be thrilled to know that as of next week for the next two weeks, we're doing a mini episode a day for 10 days in a row. It is the kickstart that you never knew you needed to dive deep into 2025. It's going to be iconic. It's going to be

No, that's not the word. It's going to be monumental. I was going to say insurmountal, but I really hope that's not the case. It's going to be a monumental and it's going to be a fucking game changer. By the end of these 10 days, you are going to feel like you have got your shit together packaged quite nicely so you can enter.

the year with a fucking bang and exit the year with a bang at the end of the year, okay? So before that, we've got one final Encore episode this January. And this episode is from the original episode. I don't have the episode number here with me, but it's big on insecurities, cut the dead weight. We love cutting the dead weight. And this is the perfect episode I think to listen to so you can go in feeling really pumped and refreshed on Monday when we start

the 10 days to being a better bean, a better bean and a better bean. Anyway, I'm gonna shout the fuck up and let you listen to this episode. Love you guys so much and I'll be back in your ears on Monday.

Hello my beautiful beans and welcome to today's episode. This episode is all about insecurities. I'm going to be talking about big insecurities, small insecurities, acute insecurities and chronic as well, all different kinds of insecurities. I'm going to be talking about why they happen when they most commonly happen and what you can do about it as well and how it manifests as well. I'm going to be talking about when you have an insecurity, what are the ways in which it can manifest because

different people can behave in different ways when they become insecure and when they're feeling insecure. So there's a lot to think about today. You're going to realise that, if you haven't already, most of us have insecurities. It's not

It's not rare at all for people to have insecurities. But there's a difference. There are some people that have these little quick bursts of insecurities that happen. And that's kind of the brain protecting. It's putting on the brakes being like, oh, should you be doing that last time? It wasn't that great. But then you're easily able to overcome it. And then you move on. And that insecurity is the thing of the past. Whereas for some people, they have insecurities that are quite paralyzing. And it stops them from doing certain things at work. It stops them from putting themselves out there.

whether it's on a dating app or in person when it comes to romance because they feel like they've been shut down. It also stops them from doing certain things in a social setting because they don't feel confident with how they are socially or they don't feel confident with how they look or what their body looks like or their own ability to start a conversation or how interesting or smart they think they are. So it could it ranges in how heavily insecurities can affect your life. So that's what this episode is going to be about.

Now, I am going to talk about a little brain fat. This is a fun fact. It's going to be short and sweet. And then we're going to get straight into the topic of today, which is, of course, insecurities. Now, the brain fat that I want to talk about is brain phrases and a little bit about headaches, but mainly brain phrases. So what is a brain phrase? And what does it happen? What is the deal? So a brain phrase

Most of us have experienced it. I think some people have different names for it, but I only know it as brain freeze, I'm pretty sure. Is the rapid onset headache when you eat something cold, okay? You have a slurpee, you have ice cream, whatever. If you're eating it too quickly, you're cooling down your mouth and you're throwing it way too fast. Your brain doesn't like, you know, rapid change, so it kind of rebels by giving you this very quick onset headache, this kind of tension pain that you feel

Often it's kind of in the frontal lobe area. That's like your forehead kind of area.

So what's actually happening? When you swallow something cold, the temperature's changing really quickly, and it's actually changing the temperature in the area of your throat, or kind of up above and behind your throat, in particular it's the juncture of the internal carotid artery, which is the artery that sends blood to the brain, and also the anterior cerebral artery. So when the cold hits, these vessels contract and dilate really quickly. They're kind of like in a panic, like, whoa, what the fuck's going on, kind of thing.

And when that happens, all the meninges around the brain, these receptors that are surrounding the brain interpret this as pain and send pain signals. Pretty much the reason it's sending you pain signals is to tell you to stop doing what you're doing. It doesn't like, you know, quick changes.

and it wants you to cease eating something so-called so quickly. It's not causing you damage per se, but it's your brain kind of protecting itself by saying this is painful, stop doing what you're doing because it doesn't understand it pretty much. So even now this is what I found really interesting about brain freezes, which scientists actually use brain freezes to study headaches a lot because you can't actually

in a lot of cases, ethically induce a headache and in pretty much all cases, you can't really induce a migraine. So it's really a really good way of studying headaches because what I found really interesting is that your brain itself does not perceive

pain, no headache, no matter if it's a tension headache, a migraine, a brain freeze, whatever headache it is, no headache is the pain coming from within the brain. While it feels like your brain is pulsating and throbbing and hurting,

it's not actually coming from the brain because the brain is great at communicating to you what what pain is happening around your body very specific where it is very specific on what type of pain it itself cannot sense pain okay not even migraines so when it feels like your brain is in excruciating pain it's not actually your brain hurting the pain is coming from the nerves the muscles

and the blood vessels that are surrounding your brain, your head and your neck. So if they swell, if things are too tight, if your sinuses are swelling, then this can cause different kinds of headaches for different purposes. So I thought that that was really interesting because, you know, obviously I always thought that it was coming from inside the brain before I understood that the brain itself cannot, doesn't have pain receptors, it can't feel pain.

But what this does mean, because obviously there are times where people get these horrible migraines, horrible headaches, and it turns out that they've got a brain tumour, and people are thinking, okay, well, what does that mean then? That's because there's pressure in some area of the brain, and this excessive pressure can cause the onset of headaches. So the pressure can be internally or externally

And the pressure is what is giving off that pain signal. So that is the fun brain factor for today. Now let's get straight into today's episode all about insecurities. There's a whole bunch of shit that I want to get through. So let's dive straight in.

So firstly, let's talk about what is insecurity? What is feelings of insecurity? I kind of looked up all these different meanings and I found the most common ones that would crop up and the main ones were insecurity is uncertainty or anxiety about oneself, the feeling of inadequacy and uncertainty, a lack of confidence

or the state of being open to danger or threat the feeling of a lack of protection. So we can pretty much all kind of relate to that on some level, one of those, if not all of those descriptions. Now, like I mentioned at the start of the episode, there's kind of two types. There's the acute, it's specific to one thing that is happening. Like, for example, if you just got rejected by somebody,

In general, your confidence levels to turn around and quickly put yourself out there again are going to be lower than normal. Not for everyone. Some people just aren't insecure when it comes to the dating scene, but that might be the case. But it's acute. You're feeling insecure about a specific thing that happened in that moment, and then you can kind of bounce back. You might have just been fired. So your confidence levels are based on your performance. So your confidence levels about getting another job are going to be like, fuck, can I even go for that role? Because I just got fired.

for the exact same role because my performance wasn't good. So you're feeling insecure about your abilities. But then there's chronic insecurity. And this can either happen in one area in your life, but it's all the time.

in conjunction with social anxiety or different kinds of anxiety. So for example, you might feel insecure every time you have to talk to people or every time you have to put yourself out there. You just don't feel comfortable with who you are, with what you have to offer. You feel embarrassed. You feel that you're being judged. You feel that people are looking at you or laughing at you. So that's an insecurity.

or it could be just insecure when in the dating scene at work you're not confident with your abilities it could be an underlying thing in one or many areas of your life okay so you might have one

of that or one or both of those things. So often I would say most people do have acute insecurities, okay? It's pretty common. Now both can be addressed and you can release your ties and feeling like a hostage to both of these things. Now it's not to say that after listening to this podcast and after doing the work that you're never gonna feel insecure again, not at all. What I'm aiming to do with this is when feelings of insecurity crop up

you're able to intercept them and get rid of them as quickly as possible. That's what the aim of this episode is because you're going to understand that your brain, when your brain sends you these ideas and concepts that make you feel insecure, it's actually doing it to protect you as warped as that is. It is a protective mechanism, okay?

So for someone who's insecure, you're probably going to be, let's say right now you're listening to this and you're an insecure person about whatever topic it is, okay? You're constantly reminding your brain of how bad it could be. I can't go to this event because people just, I can never have a conversation with someone. I feel like people always misunderstand me. I never get the joke. I can never be funny. People always walk away from me. I feel insecure. I'm not good enough. I don't have anything to offer.

So if you feel that way and you keep telling yourself that about any social event that you're going to walk into, you're constantly reminding your brain of how bad it could be or what you should be fearing or how bad the rejection was or how bad it's going to be. So your brain naturally hears something that triggers this insecurity. For example, do you want to come to this party with me?

And your brain's like, shit, fuck, shit, fuck. I'm gonna protect you. I don't want you to suffer. I know how much you've thought about this. I know how much you hate the feeling and how much you fear it. So I'm now gonna protect you and remind you of why you shouldn't go to that party. I'm gonna say to you, like, oh, remember the last time you went to that party? That was really painful. Remember when that person ignored you? That was painful. Remember when you cracked a joke and nobody laughed? Fuck that shit. Don't go, don't go, don't go.

Your brain is doing that to protect you, okay? And by protecting you, it makes you retreat. Your brain is trying to limit the chances of you feeling bad again. It's trying to limit the chances of you feeling vulnerable and open to being hurt again. But at the same time, it's fucking you over unintentionally, okay? By doing that, by trying to protect you, it's actually damaging your chances of overcoming these insecurities and feeling better again about them.

Now I think it's super important to address your insecurities because insecurities are the killer of joy. Insecurities kill the present moment, they kill your ability to enjoy your life and they are a killer of freedom, okay? Now one thing that you've got to come to turns with and I'll explain and it's going to make a lot more sense later on in this episode.

Insecurities are delusions to a certain extent, okay? Because think about it. What is the opposite of insecurity? Security, right? Security is the opposite of insecurity. Can a stranger provide security for you? No.

Can someone on a dating app provide security for you? Can your employer, can your best friend or your child, can your performance at work? No. Why? Because none of these things are reliable as far as long-term reliability. None of them. Which means that they're not secure. The only thing that is secure and for certain is that you were born and that you're going to die.

That's it. Unfortunately, and that you're going to live in between. That's about it. That's not much else that is secure. So a need for constant security in the external will cause you to fill in secure. And it is the level at which you need security from external factors that is going to determine the level of your insecurity.

Because it will never, anything that's external to you can never achieve the feelings that you're searching for. You're looking in the wrong place. And you're coming up with all the wrong answers and all the wrong feelings when you look in the wrong place. So let's find another way of looking at the things that generally make us feel insecure. Let's find ways to turn that around. If you live your life avoiding things that are gonna cause insecurities,

and cause that feeling in you, then you are going to live life avoiding life. So you're just existing and avoiding the inevitable, okay? That's not fun. It's not fucking worth it. And you're going to reach the end of your life and be like, whoa, here I was trying to control things I couldn't control and suffering and having a shit time in the process when I could have changed how I viewed these things. Now,

for the purpose of this episode. I want you to just think of one, maybe two, maximum three, don't get too fucking hard on yourself, but think about one to three things that are your main insecurities.

It could be physical. Is it your teeth? Is it the way your knees look? You know how people have the weirdest concepts about what they're insecure about and everyone else is like, what? I never noticed. What is your insecurity? Is it something about your performance? Do you think that you're really shit at xyz? Take a moment, pause this if you need to and pick the top one to three things.

that you are insecure about and get clear on it because I want you to revert back to this theme, this particular one, as we work through the different points in this episode, so you've kind of got like a goal post that you're kind of working around. Is that even a fucking saying?

And an easy way to think of one is think, what do you fear the most of when you think you're being judged by someone? What is your initial thought? If you like someone and you're about to meet up with them, what's your... Oh, I hope they don't say this, or I hope they don't notice this, or I hope that this doesn't crop up in conversation, or I hope... What are your main fears and what do you avoid the most when you're meeting someone new, when you're dating someone, or when you have to perform?

or when you have to do something for work, okay? What are those main things? Just remember them, be mindful of them, and we're going to revert back to them throughout the episode.

Now, the first thing I want to talk about as far as points around your insecurities is where are these insecurities stemming from? Because there's a few different areas where they're stemming from. But the number one place where they stem from, because I know that a lot of people think it's got to be from your childhood, and that's one of them for sure. But the main one where insecurities stem from, it's around 40% of your insecurities stem from recent events.

And this then causes us to project our fears into the future about what's going to happen next. So a recent event, main one, and literally the main one is heartbreak. You've been dumped. Someone dumps your ass and you're like, ah, fuck, putting myself out there again, because what if this happens again? I now feel like there's something I just got rejected. I feel abandoned. How I felt

My confidence levels about how I am in a relationship have now been shot down. And one of the things that affects people's emotional well-being in general and the most is the end of a romantic relationship or a heartbreak.

that affects people's general well-being more than any other pain as far as statistically. So even over grief and loss and all of that, the main one is heartbreak. So I think this is a good one to revert back to, because probably all of us have been there. And any form of rejection is going to make you think worse of yourself for most people. You're going to tend, when something goes bad, you tend to agree with what people tell you.

And this is just so often the case for negative things and not so much for positive things. We're skewed towards negative because it does trigger more of an emotional response. When someone says something really mean to you, if there's a tiny bit of you that agrees with it,

you then amplified and magnified and you tend to be like, oh, could this be true? Whereas if someone says something positive to you, depending on the kind of person you are, but in general, you think, oh, thanks, oh, no, no, no, no, that's not true, Lowell, and then you bring up something bad about yourself, because that's just, you know, you think it might be the polite way of doing things or whatever.

But things that occur around us really influence our levels of security or insecurity. If you're in a dating app and you're on a fucking role and everyone's replying to you, everyone's replying back to the people that you've messaged, your confidence goes up, right?

If the opposite happens, your confidence goes down and you feel insecure. We see it all the time, whether it's happened to us or whether we're the culprit or whether it's our best friends doing it. We see this whole thing of, oh, I don't really like that person, but fuck they're doing wonders for my ego. They might not admit it, but fuck they're doing wonders for my ego. So I'm going to keep saying this person until something else crops up.

People that don't feel 100% comfortable being alone and comfortable in their own skin and comfortable with who they are are very likely to engage in those kinds of behaviours. You're good for now but not good long term. I will entertain this because you are my confidence blanket and while I'm seeing you on the side and nothing's kind of exclusive or official here, I can then feel confident enough

to put myself out there on dating apps and reach out. Because if I get rejected, I've got my ego booster person over here, that's making me feel good about myself. How often have you been that person, the ego booster for somebody else? So many of us, I have, fuck knows how many times, we all have. We've been that little fucking, we've been the charity case for someone else,

doing their fucking self-love work for them because they can't do it for themselves. People do that all the time. It's because they're terrified of feeling insecure.

Now, another place I can stem from, of course, like I said earlier, is how you've been raised. If you've always been raised being criticized, criticized, it could be if you've been bullied in the past growing up, and that's kind of your innate way of thinking, always criticizing yourself. Or if you're currently being bullied now. And then another big one, which falls into the first category, which is the race and events, but another big one is being in a very toxic

relationship, toxic or abusive relationship. That's a huge one.

Now what I wanna do is I wanna talk about my three main points for how does insecurity manifest in your behavior and you're gonna pinpoint which one you are or which one you know people being as most commonly in your life. And then I'm gonna go into a whole bunch of points that you can take on board, activities you can do, thoughts that you can start to engage in to turn it around for yourself.

So how does it manifest? The three main ones. Number one, retreating. This is the most common way that insecurities are going to manifest in your behavior. You feel insecure, so you start putting yourself out there less. You start engaging less. You don't want to risk being hurt again. You don't want to experience the pain of rejection, abandonment, being judged, feeling like a failure, et cetera, et cetera. So what do you do? You live small, you retreat, you pull back. That's really common.

Number two, you pretend to be someone that you're not, and then you end up coming across as really inauthentic or forced. This often happens for people that have insecurities around social scenarios, whether it's dating or just socializing with friends and stuff like that. The issue with this is that you're telling yourself

I, with what I have to offer, isn't good enough. So I now need to put on an act, I need to put on a show, I need to just, but it comes across really forced because you're not loose, you're not relaxed, you're not, there's no authenticity in the conversations, you're like really intense. That's what often happens.

Now there's a difference between what I just mentioned here pretending to be someone you're not versus this idea of having an alter ego. I did an episode a while back and I referenced a book called alter ego and I think the episodes called self love the different versions of you or something like that.

But basically it talks about the benefits of exploring the different sides of your personality and tapping into them when you need to, and potentially even having that alter ego like Beyonce has Sasha Fierce when she's on stage so she can really get into it. That is different to what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about here is when you're saying to yourself, I, who I am authentically, is not good enough, so I need to pretend to be somebody else. When you do that, you reinforce to yourself that you're not good enough. Every time you say, oh, hide who I really am,

hide how I normally react or the kind of humor that I have put on an act. You're saying, I'm not good enough. Okay. And then the last one, the third one, it can manifest in you becoming very manipulative, bullying, or aggressive. The kinds of people that

a very, that they will attack the other person before they get attacked. You see this very, very, very often in narcissistic people, narcissistic relationships or really toxic relationships. It's this idea where someone's so insecure that

They try and drag you down so they can feel better about themselves. So they're kind of the three categories that it's going to manifest in. They turn into an absolute asshole and a horrible to other people because they hate themselves. They are pretending to be someone that they're not because they're not confident with who they are or they just retreat altogether. Most of them, I reckon that the one that is most common or most relatable is the retreat one.

Now let's talk about what you can actually do. I've got a whole bunch of points. I think I've got like eight or more points that you can do. Points on what you can do to change how you feel around your insecurities. Number one.

Learn, get to know the voice inside your head, you know, ask yourself, am I the kind of person that catastrophises? Am I catastrophising? Or is there confirmation bias going on? Are you taking one piece of information and converting that one piece of information into evidence to back your claims that you are not good enough?

Okay, for example, if you hear someone laugh, are you then instantly going to conclude that they are laughing at you, they are laughing at how your outfit looks, they are laughing at

how you are doing your workout, they're laughing at you. Or are you gonna be like, oh, that's nice. Someone must have cracked a joke. It's all how you interpret things, right? Are you thinking that if someone is looking at you, it's because it's something negative. Instead of A, they think it's something positive or B, they're glancing over and you happen to lock eyes and they're not even looking at you at all. So you've gotta learn to see where

What am I skewed to believe? What am I skewed to conclude? Because often people with deep insecurities have this confirmation bias that they will take one piece of evidence and turn it into a fact about something negative about themselves. So get to learn that voice inside your head and get really good at questioning it and say, is this a fact? Do I have evidence? Or am I coming to a conclusion with no evidence whatsoever? Number two.

I want you to now focus on taking action on the process and not focus on the result. If you focus on the result and what's gonna happen, you're often focusing on something you cannot control because most of the things we do in life have to do with interacting with somebody else or something else. So you only ever have control over a percentage of what's going on in your life. You can never control everything.

Because the moment it factors somebody in, you no longer have control of the outcome. You have control over your actions to a certain degree, but not of the outcome. So let's take dating apps for an example.

Instead of thinking, oh, I wish that, you know, if I'm messaging these people and they don't reply, I'm going to feel shit about myself, you're now focusing on the result. The result is they reply. So instead, your end game has to be the action that you're going to take. I want to, every time I think someone's really cute, I want to just send them a message.

That's it. I've succeeded. If I've sent them a message, I've succeeded. And you end there to the extent that if you ever wanted to play a game with yourself, you could send the messages and then make sure that you do not check that up until the following day. So you're not checking, checking, checking with this checking behavior, which causes these irrational thoughts and it causes spiraling thoughts. You message people, put your phone down, and it's not until the following day that you check. But your aim is to only focus on the action and not the outcome.

Number three, set mini milestones. This is kind of like exposure therapy. If it's a social thing and you feel really insecure, you just don't really have many friends, you can say to yourself, I'm gonna go to this event for 20 minutes. I know it's a long party, I know it's supposed to go for hours, I'm going for 20 minutes. Or, I'm gonna speak to two strangers at this event. And the moment I've spoken to two strangers, I leave. Or one stranger, I leave.

Or if you're not invited to an event and you don't have an event to go to, I am going to speak to somebody who is paid to be nice as in customer service. That's a great way to build up your confidence.

If you go to a cafe and the person who's serving you, you can easily talk to them. They cannot reject you. They have to be nice to you. That's a great way of exposure therapy. Start a conversation with someone who is going to talk to you. Then you start to realize, okay, this is fine. I feel comfortable. I'm buying jeans. I'm going to start asking that person how their day is going. It's got nothing to do with the jeans. You start building it up like that. These are like the mini milestones.

And once you get comfortable doing that, then you can compliment a random. Say you're waiting at the lights to cross the street. You say, excuse me, sorry. What perfume are you wearing? That's the best and easiest way. They're going to turn around and be like, oh, they're flattered that you complimented them, and they'll tell you what perfume they're wearing. And then you'll realize, wow, not only did I make that person feel good, but I was able to start a conversation with a total random that lasted all of 10 seconds.

Those are really good ways to start to calm your insecurities about yourself and what people perceive you as. Really tiny, tiny milestones are the best way to go.

Number four, remind yourself that less is more. Less is more, less is more, less is more. We are so wrapped up in getting others to like us or having others think that we're great or that we're enough. And we're so wrapped up in having to do enough or to be funnier or hotter or the hottest person here.

You need to slow the fuck down and bring it back to basics, okay? If you don't have something to say, or if you don't have something funny to say, you don't have to say anything. You can just sit back and listen, become a great listener. If you don't have something to contribute to the conversation, you don't have to contribute. And if you're thinking, but this person's not gonna like me unless I contribute, then definitely don't contribute because you shouldn't be taking actions

to get a result from someone. You shouldn't be doing something purely for someone to like you. So if you're in a situation right now being like, if I don't say something funny right now and they're not gonna notice me and they're not gonna like me, then just relax and think, well, my time will come later. This is not the time because I'm panicking right now and anything that's gonna come out of my mouth is gonna be fucking scrambled eggs, okay? Don't think that you have to say something when the time is right. This is forcing this inauthenticity in ourselves.

You need to just relax. The more relaxed you are, the more you can have a conversation. And one of the best ways to learn how to have a conversation is just observe. Just sit in a conversation and listen, if there's two people talking, you can just sit there and only intervene when you're comfortable to intervene. Just take away the pressure of having to say something or having to have an opinion. If it feels authentic, it will come and you will feel comfortable to speak, but take the pressure away.

And ironically, when you feel less pressure is when things flow so much better. Number five, always ask yourself before you're about to take action, when you're feeling stressed, when you're feeling insecure or social anxiety or any kind of anxiety. Ask yourself, is the action I'm about to do loaded with the intention that I have to impress somebody? If the answer is yes, then change what you're about to do.

If that is the overall outcome that you're looking for to impress someone, change the action. Start teaching yourself that if your goal is to impress others, then you're always gonna feel insecure if it doesn't go your way. If you're about to take an action thinking, fuck, I hope it lands because I'm only doing this to impress this person. Then if it doesn't land, you're going to confirm to yourself that you shouldn't have done it and then you're gonna feel insecure.

You should only ever do an action when you're like, I want to do this action because I feel like it's me. It's authentic. Whether that person responds or not, it's who I am. So it's the right thing to do. And if that person doesn't like it, well, then maybe, maybe they're just not the person for me. Maybe I don't have to get this person to like me. Maybe the only version of me that they're going to like is the false version of me. And then when are they going to find out the real version of me? Is it worth it? Is it worth it?

We put so much pressure on ourselves to get individuals to like us that we end up losing our sense of self and then we become more and more anxious every time we're around them because we have to live up to the person that we were last time we saw them. Fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. When you're trying to impress someone, you're saying, I want you to say I'm great. I want you to tell me that I'm good enough. I want to feel fulfilled when you think that I'm good enough.

That's not the way to do it because you can't control how people respond or how they're going to behave or what they're going to do or what they're going to say to you. You can't control it. So then you feel like a victim to the scenario. Number six.

Stop apologizing for shit that you don't have to apologize for. Like, sorry about my hair, or I'm so sorry about my outfit. Sorry that I don't have makeup on. What the fuck is with people apologizing for not having makeup on? That has to end immediately. If you do that, apologize to yourself and say, I'm a bad bitch and I'm never doing that again. Never again, okay? I'm a lord with no makeup. So fucking, relish it, cunt.

Number seven, always remember to put things into perspective. What you notice will often, if not always, be larger in your head than in the heads of other people around you. Like, some of the shit that people say, oh, my biggest insecurity is dot dot dot, especially when they're talking about something physical about themselves.

And you'll be like, what? I never would have noticed, okay? You always think about yourself and how you look and what you're doing. So much more than what other people do. To the extent that you're probably so busy worrying about what people are thinking about you.

that the other person in front of you is also thinking the same way, and you're both having this little war in your heads while you're interacting with each other. It's actually, if it wasn't so sad, it'd be funny. So, put things into perspective. Sometimes, if you imagine someone else having

or doing what makes you insecure about yourself. You think, oh, well, it's not so bad on them. I actually think their hair looks fine, or I actually think they look great without makeup, or their performance actually was fine. Whatever they stuffed up and I barely noticed. Or they did stuff up, but hey, don't we all? When you look at someone else do what you torment yourself about,

You're so much kinder in general unless you're a wanker. You're so much kinder to them. Even in your head suddenly, you're like, yeah, fuck, you know, it's great. I don't even notice it. So that's what I mean about putting things into perspective. You're always going to magnify something in your head. Number eight, this is my favorite one. This is the last one and my favorite one. Remember the beauty of impermanence. Nothing is permanent. And this helps me so much. When I'm

feeling insecure. For example, if I'm going through struggles with my work or whatever it is that I do, or if something didn't go as well as I thought it would go, or if certain things have slowed down, I remind myself of the last time that I felt that way.

And I remind myself how back then, when things went slow, how I thought that this is it, it's slowed down, this is it, it's done, it's finished. And then things picked up again. And then so I remind myself that nothing is permanent. When things were slow, yeah, they were slow at the time, but it's not permanent. When something didn't go the way I thought it would go professionally or emotionally.

It sucked at the time, but it wasn't permanent and they always turn around. Things always turn around. If you remind yourself that nothing is permanent or that everything comes in waves, then you're so much better at handling life in general because you are not denying reality. People are going to reject you.

You're going to have failures professionally. You're going to have things about your body that you don't adore as much as on somebody else. Shit is gonna happen, okay? But things come in waves. Nothing is permanent. And if you try and fight it, you suffer. The pain you experience now won't last, and the euphoria you're experiencing now won't last either.

And when it ends, don't resist. When the euphoria ends, don't resist. Keep growing and it's going to manifest again in another way in your life. The same goes for pain. Whatever pain you're feeling right now won't last forever. So don't resist it. If you're going through something that makes you feel like a failure or an idiot or makes you feel rejected and you feel like you can't go on, be the reasoning.

Tell yourself this is not going to last. Nothing is permanent. This will pass. Don't let that paint who you are as an individual because you are temporarily going through something that's causing you pain or discomfort. Things come and go all the time. We come and go on this earth. We are not permanent. Our own lives are not permanent. So are you going to allow something that has no permanence in your life?

which your life itself is not permanent, take over your ability to be happy? Yes or no? Only you can make that call. Am I gonna allow this impermanent fucking fleck of dust affect my happiness? Yes or no? And remind yourself of that all the time. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is permanent. The bad will pass and the good will pass too. So while it's happening, I'm gonna milk it.

If you can remember this and remember this often, then you're more likely to make the most of your life. You're more likely to take those risks to be in the moment, to when something happens, you think, oh, fucking, okay, it is what it is. I put myself out there and it didn't work. Next, next, because if I dwell on this, then what am I doing with my life? What am I doing?

Do this with the high points, but also with the low points in your life. And if you don't, you're going to risk wasting your life away, avoiding things that fuel insecurities, which are technically all in your head. Just remind yourself, you've got nothing to lose. I always remind myself, I've got nothing to lose. If I've got my mind and my sanity, if I've got my health and my inner circle of people that I'm closest to, I have nothing to lose.

If you think you have everything to lose, you will live with insecurities of being judged, rejected, abandoned, fear of failure. If you're always worried about losing your status, losing your beauty, losing your popularity, losing your job. If you're always worried about losing these things, that's where insecurity is gonna crop up.

Always be this level headed mind. Nothing is permanent. I have nothing to lose. Everything that's important is not going anywhere. Everything else comes and goes. Okay. So even romance, even romance. And I've said it a million times and I'll say it again. Even if you stay with the person you're with, with the love of your life till the day you die, if that's what you want, even if you stay with them till that point.

Nothing will be permanent within your relationship. That relationship itself will go through so many evolutions. Who you are dating at 20 is different to 30, different to 50s, different to when you have children versus when you retire. There's many different lives within that one relationship. The same goes for your career. The same goes for who you are as a person. In permanence is beautiful, okay? Because it reminds you that you have nothing to lose. Ultimately, you have nothing to lose.

Okay. So go over those eight points again. Go over them as many times as you need to reiterate those things. So let's quickly go over them. Learn to talk to the voice inside your head and know when it's catastrophizing. Number two, focus on taking action and not focusing on, and don't focus on the result. Number three, set mini milestones. Number four, less is more. Stop having to take action when you don't know what to do. Number five,

is your current action being done to impress someone and if it is, don't do it. Number six, stop apologizing for shit about yourself that you're insecure about. Number seven, learn to put things into perspective and number eight, remember the beauty of impermanence.

Guys, that is the podcast for today. I'm going to, like I haven't done the last few episodes, I want to do a little shout out to my beans around the world. We've got a few different cities and locations around the world that I want to hit up. So here we go. We've got Wexford in Ireland, Croydon in the UK, Avaroy in Norway, Milan, Italy and Armada, Portugal. Armada, I don't know how to pronounce it. I'm guessing, I'm guessing that's right. Let's just hope.

That is all my beans. Thank you so much for listening, for sharing the podcast, for sharing it to your friends, for sharing it on Instagram. I love it when you guys tag me and everything and share it to the world on your stories. It literally makes my day seeing all these people around the world listening to the podcast. So thank you so much. If you don't already follow me on Instagram, it's at Alexis Pret as P-R-E-D-E-Z is the handle.

Also, fun fact, the do your fucking mind card game is alive again. I've got new stock. It's up. It's ready. It's it's well live. So if you go to www.dyfmpod.com, then you can access the card game.

I do ship worldwide, love that for all of our global bands. And so the presale has opened and I will start shipping on Tuesday the 17th, so in literally like four days. So you can order the card game now, secure your card game and I will ship it off to you around the world. Guys, thank you so much. As always, I adore you and remember be kind to yourselves, be kind to your brains. Don't text shit from anyone and especially don't text shit from yourself, don't go.

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