Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the D-Forts. We have Papa Ganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash, dumb blonde podcast, and sign up.
Hey guys, it's Mimi. We hope you guys are having the best holiday season. Here is some of our favorite asktale confesses from 2024.
I can't wait. Jaime joining it is like killed me. That is so funny dude. I'm looking at you guys doing it. And then I fucking hear the whistle and that in my left ear and I look over and it's Jaime just in the microphone. I saw my chance I took it.
Well, today we have our plates full with the Ask, Talk, and Fest. You guys really delivered. If you're on my Patreon, you always get a chance to be a part of these weekly segments. And you guys are allowed to ask, tell, or confess. And you guys did not disappoint this week.
I was 19, just graduated school, and was celebrating with a group of friends. I was sleeping with a guy in the friend group, nothing serious, just fun. I forgot I started my period. I even forgot I had a tampon in me and said, fun buddy, go ahead, proceed to have fun, and let's just say I went home after. And me and my friends spent a good 40 minutes looking for this tampon that was lodged inside of me. Now every time I have sex, even six years later, I still get scared for half a second, thinking I have a tampon, and I don't even wear tampons anymore.
I've done it before. What? I never told you about this. Maybe, but like, maybe not. Let me know. When I did wear tampons, you know, I was always in a constant relationship. My sex life was extremely active. There was one time that me and my ex had sex. We had gotten really fucked up. I wake up the next day, don't think anything about it, but like a week later, right? I'm going to the bathroom and I'm like, and I lean over and I'm like, ooh, that does not smell right.
And I am like, when I'm crazy about how I smell. So like my vagina is like pristine always. So if there's just even a hint of a smell, I know something's wrong. I'm like, all right, I gotta go to the doctor. I'm like, this motherfucker gave me something. I'm thinking, you know, my ex gave me a fucking STD or something. They do the exam. They look in there. They're like, everything's fine. Maybe you just have an infection. Let's give you, you don't have any STDs. Let's just give you an antibiotic. This is a gynecologist after looking in my vagina and fucking poking around in there.
The smell was still lingering. I mean, there were two weeks in on this process here, right? One day I sit down on the toilet to take a dump and I'm pushing out and as I push out, I hear
And something like a suction cup falls out of my vagina into the fucking toilet, right? And I get up and I turn around and I look, it's a fucking tampon that had been sitting in me for two weeks. The fuck? Two weeks. Look on Jaime's face right now. That's crazy.
And it went and everything was fine as soon as it came out my vagina smelled great again I was back in action and you know, but I mean it's normal I Have you never where was it that a gynecologist was not able to spread you open and be like
There's the issue. Well, I do have in his defense and their defense. I do. I don't remember what was a girl or a guy. I do have a tilted uterus. Oh, same. So that could have been why they couldn't find it. If you were to strip to a jelly roll song, which song would it be? Oh, for the love of God. Do you want to do it too? Off the new album? Yes. OK, OK.
Off the new album, it would be the new song that he has with Russ. Really gone? I would do this one. Because this is like OG Jelly Roll. Daddy goes off on it, right? What? Oh. Okay, I can hear this one as well. Wait till daddy, wait till we're on the drums. Around the pole. Here we go. Ladies, get ready. This is your new song to dance to on stage.
And then my next choice would probably either be woman because that's
a song that he wrote about. It's like, that's the Sarah McLaughlin of this album. Who dances to nothing but fast music? You gotta be sexy. Oh, I guess I'm at the wrong club. Yeah, you're going to the, you're going to the, the ratchet ones. Those are my favorite. Or maybe double down. Could you see me getting up there in some boots to this? He'd be like,
Oh yeah. Yeah. The poles are here again. He's just doing that one quadhopper move that I do. Here we go.
Oh, that's good. All right. Go buy jelly rolls new album. I dated a guy in college I was at his place and I had to take a shit I go in do my thing and there is a There's a plastic knife on the end of a string hanging on the side of the toilet. What the fuck I finish up I come out and I asked the guy What's up with that fucking weirdly place knife his roommate
His roommate takes shit so big, he has to chop them into smaller poops. Did he come to flesh? I'm jealous. She goes, he's a poo chef. No. Okay, first of all, what is this man's diet? I need it. I'm jealous. I used to say knife.
But they use the same knife over and over. I mean, there's so many questions I have. How do you discover that you need to chop your turds? What toilet? I guess it kept getting stuck. What is he eating? Is it solid? Like, it just won't break. I guess so. Which is giant logs and he has to cut them into smaller poops. Timber. I mean, why did you just agree with that? I've never had that issue, but I have heard men talk about, they call it a big fish.
Stop when you doesn't flush and it kind of S's halfway into the water halfway out of the water Yeah, you got to top it up. I wish I could have one come out of the water. I didn't even know this was a plot. Have you had one come out of the water? Oh This question's for Haley. How was it kissing bunny?
She sucked your bottom lip in the video. I did. Did you? I didn't block out. First of all, I know you guys have heard us talk about Haley's fucking Gatum. It's like, yeah, there's a whole lore to her Gatum. And one minute, she'll walk by me on the bus. I don't have a bra on. She will full on grab a titty.
Oh, no problem. She'll fucking try to swipe my hoot. If I walk past her and she's naked, she'll back up into it. And then other times- She just backed up into me before we got here. And she tries to act like she doesn't like it. And it's like, bitch, please. I asked her today because when I was rubbing her titty when she was doing my makeup, I was like, did you miss me? She's like, actually, yeah. It's okay when I do it. I gotta initiate it. But if someone gets too close to me, I can't. You.
Yeah, we're holding hands by the way. I know I'm like what are you talking about as you guys are holding hands on the couch? She's over there talking shit. Yeah, I'm not gay So do you guys see how she plays this little role? It's gonna take the right person just to flip that switch and it's these are gonna be good or bad either She's never going to joke around again
Or someone's going to turn her. I want to help grab with one. You know which one I'm talking about. I think a girl. Yeah. No, no. Nothing clams, baby. I'm bumping. Muff diving. Yeah. Close up shop. Oh, don't sew it up. It's like a Venus fly trap. It was like dying curtains the other day. When it opens, it's like, bro.
But then when she gets all scared, it's like no, not the predator mouth predator mouth pussy Can't do it can't do it they had a centred in the dms because
She's in my fiance. After six years of dating, we love a grand old spicy time in the bedroom. Our sex life is no kind of boring. Well, after doing so much over the years, one day I was messing with him and I told him I wanted to eat his ass. Well, after months of joking around and fucking with him one night after a night out of drinking, he was like, fine, go ahead if you really want. So I took my shot and did it after hounding him for a month. He had dried poop stuck in his hairy asshole.
And it ended up in my mouth and out of p- Hold on, I'm gagging. Fuck. I had a pure embarrassment for me and him. I just shut the fuck up and did my thing as nasty as that sounds, disgusting at the time. I wanted to bleach my face after, but we joke about it. And now I officially call him an dangleberry. Oh my gosh, you swallow it?
She said I wanted to bleach my face after. Okay. All right, there's so much here to unpack. Men, if you're going to have somebody eat your ass, at least baby wipe the motherfucker. Give it a dude wipe. Give it a little wipey wipe with a dipy dip. Let's not have doodoo balls encrusted in your fucking ass hairs and then make your fucking significant other have to eat that. You're spitting them out like bitch. When you get a piece of pepper stuck in your
I Could never if there was doodoo balls. I'm not doing it. Do you know? Hey, baby? Let's have a shower and then eat his ass in the shower There's a line that has to be done because you didn't get sick. I'll say eat but sir wipe your ball better. Why not? Have you ever had your butthole? No, I don't like that You don't like anything you are so pretty shit guys tongue punch my fart box. I mean
Don't knock until you try it. I recently joined your Patreon and went straight for top tier as I'm an all or nothing person, obsessive personality maybe. My question is, how in the world do you maintain all of these social media platforms and things you are involved in doing? I'm sitting here a month in and thinking, damn, this is a lot. Also, what's the Utah time one look like? Be Lawson, I love that.
Um, I love this because I try to tell everybody how much content we have on Patreon and I don't think people realize like whenever I do start putting shit on YouTube I have years worth of shit that I can fucking put on YouTube dude and Patreon
is a testament of how hard we work. Like, you guys don't really get to see it unless you're on our Patreon. There is so much shit on there. It is crazy, dude. Like, I mean, we're talking back to like 2020, right? 2020? Yeah, 2020. So like five years going on five years. That's crazy. Crazy. So we started Patreon the same year that I started my only fans. Yeah, at the end of the year. So you started only fans in the beginning of the year and then we started Patreon at the end of the year.
Yeah, so let's clarify to everybody really quick. Everybody's like, oh my God, you were in the sex industry. You just retired a year ago, no. I retired from the sex industry five years ago. I have not had a sugar daddy in five years or fucking a client in five years. And I started my only fans in 2020, which only lasted two years. I only had my only fans for two years. And I retired from sex work online.
in 2020. Yes. So just so everybody. No, not 2020. 2020 2022. Sorry. I retired from sex work online in 2022. So for everybody who's like, what's the timeline? And you know, how long have you been retired? I've been retired from that lifestyle for half a decade now. Yeah.
So yeah, and like you weren't active even at the end of OF you weren't like actively working it like you were in the beginning the first year I shot like 200 movies and I just recycled them the entire fucking yeah, that's free game for you ladies by the way
Always stack content. Yeah. Is that even those for social media? Like I know they were asking about that. Just stack content. Yeah. That's what you can't expect yourself to film all day, every day, borrow some shit in the drafts, make a day of content and you've got a week of content. Bubbles wants to confess, I have two baby daddies. I would be lying if I said, I haven't thought of them doubling me down. Boom. You want to take a trip to Paris?
I mean, why don't you ask them? I think I kind of like it. Unless it's like one of those things where it's like they don't like each other because they're going to be daddy. But if they're cool, like, why wouldn't they go on fantasies, man? I've never. Have you been with two dudes? Have you ever been to Eiffel Tower? No, it's never been one of my fantasies. I've never. It's too much dawn. Like, where are you going to put that? I want us enough. Where are you going to put that other thing? You know, not the back door over stimulated partner. Yeah.
Ah! Yeah, like get away, a business. Flap it away while you're working on one. Yeah, like I just, it's too much. So I say ask the baby daddies, man. What do you got to lose? They'll probably think you're insane, but at the same time, you might be a little awkward. You'll plant the seed and they might give it to you for Christmas. Yeah. Start at Halloween. Just make sure that you use protections.
Oh, God. I don't know whose baby it is. Oh, yeah. All right. That's a mori show. Yeah, that's a frickin mori show. Oh, I'm coming in hot. Ready? Let's better not be behind him. Oh, no, this was this was a private message. Okay. No, but I think didn't we send it to Haley too? Oh, I only sent it to you. Oh, my God. I can't wait to see you. All right. And I cannot say this person's name because this has to stay private.
I am sure. It's so gross. I'm hoping this is the correct way for a tell, but I must remain anonymous because I don't want to lose my job. I am a nurse who works in the operating room. We had a patient come in for a foreign object stuck in their rectum.
No, hit on me. And they had to have it surgically removed. The entire staff was aware that the foreign object was a vibrator. But once it was removed, I said, that's a honey bunny vibrator. So of course, I had to tell the entire OR staff all about you girls. The reason for this tell is because the patient asked for it back because they want to bring it to a meet and greet to get signed.
Girls, please do not sign any vibrators. You literally have no idea where they've been. Don't do that. Don't ever do that. Don't do that. I don't want your little dookie stick, okay? Do not bring dookie sticks to frickin'... Was it in her butt or did you ever die in her big ones? It was in her butt. It was in her butt because... Okay, I need to know how she got it up there. You don't put anything in there that doesn't have a stopper. What did you say? It's a... Send us a video.
Yeah. Oh, man. Do you remember the time we watched that girl shove a traffic cone inside of her? Yes. That was crazy. Oh, in the tentacle? Yeah. Remember that one time you made me watch that guy? We showed Jay too. Didn't you show?
Wait, what guy would the guy do? You made me watch that dude back into the one that was suctioned up to the wall. Oh, is that the guy that sent it to me on my only fans? And because I had to see it, I had to share it with you. What? Guys used to send me the weirdest shit on my own. I'm sorry, Bessio. I know Bessio is going to probably make us cut this, but.
I did have it only fans in my former life, okay? And in the DMs, I don't know why guys thought it would turn me on, but they would send me videos of them, like, backing into things. Oh, yeah. Like, that's not my kink. If that's your kink, I love that for you. Go off shorty. But that's not my kink. And I was just, I mean, he was my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my head to see this. You have to see this. Yeah. I'm glad I didn't see this. Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, so ladies, please, I love you guys. I love all of your orifices, all of your holes. I'll sign whatever you want me to sign, but I'm not signing something that's been in you, okay? I'll do the little carpaccio around your butthole, whatever you want me to do, but not signing. Not signing something that you had to have dislodged out of you. Surgically. Surgically.
Yeah, I mean, I hope she had a good time. I mean, yeah, did you like it? Yeah. But the vibrators work, ladies and gentlemen. Sex education, don't put anything up there that doesn't have a stomach. No, don't do that. Weren't they big? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She was getting going off. Yeah.
I mean, did it just suck it in? Well, what happens is one time Tasha was using anal beads and she'll tell you the story. She tells the story all the time, but she orgasmed while the anal beads were in her and it sucked them right up. Yeah, they had to pull them out one by one.
Like, yeah, it's bad. So I guess there's some sort of like, when your body, the muscles tense up, it just sucks whatever's in your hole in there. Put a vacuum. Yeah, yeah. I've never had it happen to me, but I've heard stories.
