Ask Me Anything #7: John Answers Your Questions

This is a special episode. This is then ask me anything that we do at the end or beginning of every year. Usually we do them on the 100, like the 100, 200, 300. You forgot? No. We've been sending you the questions to pick from since June, and you haven't. It was supposed to be on the 600th episode, and this is episode 679.

What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us. So, so grateful. Every single one of you. Moen, vacuuming, just sitting under the covers, trying to ignore your family during the holidays of the new year. When is this coming out, Kelly? Two days after Christmas, which for most people is probably past mowing season, I would think.

Or most people. Yeah, but if you're like me, you can hide on the mower, dude. You can just be like, ah, got a mower. This is when you can hide and mow up all your leaves. You're not doing anything. Or you can snow below. Is that a thing? I just remember that from short circuit. Remember that movie? Yes, but I think for people living far north, northern, far farther up north than we do snow blowing. That's the literally the most southern thing you've ever said. More northern, or?

Good job. This show is brought to you by Kelly's reading ability hooked on phonics. She has an app out. You don't. So hey, this is a special episode. This is then ask me anything that we do at the end or beginning of every year.

I don't know. We've been doing this for four or five years now. So we've maybe done two or three of them. So maybe sometimes we do this. Actually, we've done quite a few because usually we do them on the 100, like the 100, 200, 300. But if we're being rule transparent here. You forgot? No. We've been sending you the questions to pick from since June. Yeah.

And you have it. Yeah. So it was supposed to be on the 600th episode. But I like, I like AMAs coming in cold. And then, um, just so people know, so it was on the 600th episode we planned it. And this is episode 679. I like, but you never said that. You just ignore the email. Listen, I like coming in cold. I can't stand like overly prepared because they look like, like, they look

I don't like prepared slick, like, TikTok-y video-y things. I like listening to somebody. You actually know what you're talking about and is it in your gut somewhere? I don't think anyone will ever confuse us for prepared and slick. I just don't. You know, those words have never, you know, like, Dylan, he was very prepared. That sentence has never been uttered ever, ever. All right, so let's let him rip. All right, question number one. Ask me anything. What is the most common relationship advice people get wrong?

relationship advice that people get wrong, that they can something around, they can do something to change their romantic partner. That there's some kind of behavior, some kind of something that I can do to make you do something different. We just don't have that kind of control like we wish we did. Can you give an example? Maybe the most common question I get is I want my partner to stop drinking. How do I

make my partner have more sex with me. You can do things like not being asked, be kind. You can do things like be hygienic. You can do some things, but the other person ultimately has to make a decision. More heartbreaking, how can I help my husband be less depressed? How can I help my wife be less anxious? Or how can I help my wife with her?

postpartum. The challenge is you can help with the environment, but at the end of the day, somebody's got to want to or be able to, or take your hand and walk with you towards healing. And it's hard when you love somebody and they're hurting on the other end of that. But I think the most common advice is five tips to make him fall for you or three tips. That's just all bull crap, dude.

You can create a context, but the most important thing is, can you sit down and look at somebody and say, here's what I want, here's what I need, will you be with me? And they have to say, yay or nay. And that's scary, scary. It's a lack of control that we don't have a psychology for our culture. So I'm going off script here a bit. So I think it's more prominently female than male is my guess, that we grow up with the idea somehow of we can change it.

And I don't know where that comes from. I don't know how old that sentiment is, but I'm guessing it's 25 or 30 years old. Maybe I can be way off from that. Oh, way older. I mean, I think that's been... Because I think my mom and dad, in their generation of being married, they're in their 70s, men just were and women just were. And then it became this idea that

men masculinity, this idea, and there's all different derivatives of this, but there's something wrong with it. The fact that men go to work and duke it out with each other every day over tiny little postage stamps of yard, right? There's something wrong with that inherently, and so if men would just

fill in the blank with any number of different behaviors and somehow that became a woman's responsibility and she's always held, not always, but for the last couple hundred years especially, she always held chastity, always held like the cornerstone here because women have out like disproportionately held the

If this thing goes bad, right? You have to remain chased 200 years ago because getting pregnant could kill you, right? Or it could be in great shame to your family if you got pregnant. So you had to, or you have to just kind of suck it up for the last thousands and thousands of years because you weren't allowed to have a job. You weren't allowed to own property, right? So I think in the last 25, 30, 40 years as things have

The playing field has begun to level a bit with same jobs and rising incomes, and women just have more options. They have looked at men as projects. Like, oh, I can make him X, Y, and Z.

Yeah, so it sounds almost like, so I'm a Gen X, that it's kind of, we were the first generation of. I'm totally making that up. I don't, that's actually a good question, but it sounds right to him. Yeah, because I mean, I know there's the idea of, you know, you date the guy that's kind of an ass, but you're like, and you know that, everyone's told you he is, and you're like, oh, I can check. I'll be the one who can. Yeah, yeah. I'll all tame the wild dragon. Yeah. Right.

I don't know. Ben, I know you were called a wild dragon back in high school. So I've never even heard of it. How did you know? I mean, your tattoo, this is wild dragon. Crush your back. But I'm making that up. But and let's take for granted, maybe for all of human history, women have thought I can change him.

I think there's been this assumption that men don't have to. I don't have to change. I can just be the way I am, however I want to, whenever I want to. And that's just not the case anymore, because women can leave. They've got other options. And so maybe that's it. All right, question two. Does that ring true? Oh, I think so, because I think even, well, so they come back to, because you don't have a huge history buff, especially like 14th, 15th century history,

women, we didn't have the rights, we couldn't divorce or leave. But I know that there was a way that women would manipulate situations. You deal with the power you have. And so I think that that's probably gone through the centuries and the decades as women had more power and more power.

because it was all, it was the only way they had to control their environment. And so, yeah. They're safe and not dead, right? Yeah, exactly. And I have to figure out some way to get what I want because I don't have a say so. And then all of a sudden when things were not completely level, but more level. You could get a mortgage and a credit card. Right, exactly. You get a bank account without having to get my husband's thoughts on it. That's when things went sideways in the Kelly Daniel household, but keep going.

Anywho, but yeah, so then all of a sudden it was like well now I can fix him and I can kind of have my life exactly as I want it right and I want I want the bad guy right I want the bad boy, but I want the but I want him to Be the bad guy in in the world that I think yeah within my guardrails that are okay Yeah, and I think there's also something and I may be out

of, you know, Adam left field here on this one, but this is probably not overly kind to my own sex either. But there's a whole idea that we're the, like we can change him because we're so amazing. Like he's going to want to be with us so he'll change. I think there's definitely some of that about I'm the one that'll be, I'm the one. I can do it. And I'm the one that can change and when no one else could. That's interesting because I've always, I've always known about, um,

the world shifting power of teenage male American Western arrogance when they would line men up. So like for all human history, they'd line up, you know, warriors and say 99 out of 100 of you are not coming home. And there was a zen about it. There was the, whether it's Marcus Aurelius, whether it is the ancient Eastern, there's a zen, a, I'm going to give my life to a greater cause. This is my role.

And then you get this adoption of a Western male in World War I, World War II, they lined them up and they said, hey, 90% of y'all are not coming home. Nine out of 10 of you will die. And they lined them up and looked to the left and looked to the right and was like, sucks to be that dude, cause I'm coming home. And there was this sense of,

of this insane self-aggrandizement. Like, I will beat the odds at every turn. And if enough people think that, weirdly, a lot of you'll beat the odds. But it never occurred to me that women do that, too. Like, you know, I'll change them. I could change them. Oh, yeah. I think that that's... Do you agree, Taylor? Is that still a thing? I can do it. Yeah. I can be the one because either I'm so amazing, not even that, but just like,

I can do it all, you know, all these other women who talk about what a horrible human he is. I got it. I got it. There's something in me or he'll see something in me and he'll be like, oh, she's the one. I'll change. It's like you're so worth it. I'm going to change for you. That's it. I'm so worth it, huh? Look at me learning today on The John Delaney Show. That's awesome.

All right, question two, when should you delete pictures of your ex significant other? Jeez, this is the question that's like beyond me because I grew up, I didn't grow up in this world.

I've still got like, I remember my wife hilariously made like back in the day, you just had stacks of photos that you would get developed. My wife one time, as we were probably three or four years in, she made it, it's hilarious. And I still haven't, I mean somewhere in the Deloney archive somewhere, but she made me like a,

a photo album of all like any ex photo that she found it was it was hilarious like from that's amazing middle school high school in the car like she made this like thing and it was it was funny and it was her kind of been like i won but also like um she was really pretty and she i mean so it was it made for a hilarious interaction but i don't know i mean i

I'm sure there's pictures in our house somewhere in an old photo album of my wife's boyfriend. I don't know. I just, I could care less. I know the game has shifted dramatically to all of this is public facing and there's these public declarations. Who's that country artist that's kind of a big deal right now? Zack, something- Zack Bryan? Zack? Yeah, whose girlfriend said she found out that she got dumped on Instagram, on Instagram post. Like, that's just a world that's foreign to me.

I guess here's the, what I would say is the magic answer. Talk to each other. And I could give seven boxes of farts if the photos of my wife's.

ex boyfriends are somewhere in a photo of them if they're on a frame on the wall that's weird right so maybe social media that's what that is now right that's the frame on the wall so yeah i would take them down pretty pretty quick but like in terms of like i don't know you go and scrub everything uh... i remember an important conversation with my wife one time and it's i mean this is several years ago is not a long time ago but i said you've never asked

about, you know, X, Y, and Z, this person I dated or that person I dated or who I was dating during this period. And she said something that was really instructive. She said, I've never asked because I can't know.

I said, what do you mean you can't know? She goes, I just, I can't, I can't. I just don't want to go there. I love my life and I love our life together. And in my head, I'm thinking, we've been together over a quarter century. And then later on, maybe three, four weeks, a month later, I don't remember. But I said, hey, it feels like there's parts of me that you can't love or that you have to pretend don't exist.

and i said that's weird to me it's not weird that you want to hear the intimate details of my girlfriend that i totally understand but is weird to me that like there's parts of me there's there's closet or is you can't open

And she smiled, she goes, you got me on that. I think you're right on that. And so then out of the blue, maybe six months later, she was like, all right, who are you dating from here to here? And it ended up being a hilarious, funny, like, no, it was a fun conversation. But I think there's that we like to pretend that everyone's past doesn't exist up until the moment we're with them.

And their history begins the day we say hi, right? And I don't think that's healthy. I think there's a healthier aspect to know. Like, I want to know all of you, I'll know about you. And if there's parts of you that I think I can't know about,

I mean, my understanding of exposure therapy and working with anxiety and this time, like you have to head into that. Like tell me about it. I want to know all of you. And there's always the moron who weaponizes like, that doesn't mean you go into all of the grotesque details of all of your escapades and all of your, she was really good at, no, no, no, you're a terrible person breakup. But I think there's something about knowing each other's history.

What about, so this situation came up this weekend. So I have a friend of mine that recently got divorced and we were in her house and I met her house all the time. But one of our other friends happened to know, she was like, you still have one of your wedding pictures up. And she was like, well, he's still the father of my son.

And like she had pictures in her house of them as a family. She's like, well, cause this is still his house and this is, these are his parents. But like I know I have, you know, I was married prior, no kids, but I have a box that's like our wedding album and stuff like that. And I remember one time years and years ago saying something to my husband about, should I get rid of this? He's like, why would you? It's part of who you are.

And plus like every like six weeks or seven weeks, like you get like half a bottle of red wine and you're just like going through the box and you're like, no, I don't drink. Just no. But then I think, I mean, if I was doing that, but if like the idea that like, he's like, I mean, it's just part of who you are. It's in a box in the attic, but it's like throwing it away. Does it make it not exist? And like my kids know I was married. Yeah. So anybody who dates your friend,

knows she made a life with somebody and it didn't work out for whatever reason didn't work out and so that's a part of whoever that person is going to date so pretending that didn't happen is insane and also

Like there's that Michael Scott, remember when he, he's dating that woman and he cuts out, he cuts out her ex-husband's face and like on a ski photo with the family and like tapes his face and their glues his face and don't do that, that's insane, right? And I do think there's a moment where if your friend got remarried, having a bunch of photos in the house of another guy hanging on the wall, that's weird, right? So I can see a bunch of photos

on my social media profile. If you're newly married to someone who used to have a long term, like that's weird, that's weird, but is what it is. What about when your iPhone or Facebook account pulls up photos that you would rather not be seeing on your day to day life? Like if you have a painful breakup, then what do you do? Like not wanting things to be curated of Facebook saying like, remember this? And you're like, God, no, I'd rather not.

I... Maybe I'm crazy. I think part of dealing with pain and part of dealing with trauma is metabolizing it, not avoiding it.

And so I want to be able to get to a place my wife thinks I'm part of like, it's a pathology for me. I'm friends with almost all, not all of them, but almost all of my exes, even back to high school. Like if I see hear from them or see them, it's always, I always remember joy. And they may remember me like, no, no, we hate you. Like we don't like you, John. But like,

I don't know.

It gives us little annual reminders of how healthy we actually are or not. At the same time, it's really dangerous to have a bad weekend in your marriage and go check out your old college girlfriend. That's really unhealthy, right? And she's becoming a fantasy. She's becoming a numbing behavior. And also, it's interesting to be like, I wonder where that girl was that I kissed at that dance in seventh grade? Like, where is she at now?

That's natural. It's never happened before in human history that we have all that in our fingertips now, which leads to a bunch of weird marital challenges. But I don't know. I think it's messy. I think it's messy. And I don't know how Apple does all that stuff. So there you go. Internet's people. You win again. All right. Next question. What is your favorite thing to do on a day off?

I just, well, I have some of my wife and I went, we had a speaking event, woe is me at a resort in Mexico. It's pretty awesome. And she came with me and she laughed and I was like, hey, let's do this, this and this is just cracked up. And she's like, nope, you will sleep 20 hours a day. Like every hour you're not working, you're not speaking or doing your thing, you'll be cashed. And I was like, no way.

I just go so hard all the time, I just collapse. And so honestly, I like to rest and be chill. This weekend starts, and I go in seasons, this weekend starts hunting season. And so I get rather feral during the season. And people always comment like, wow, you haven't shaved in a long time. And I'm like, I don't speak to him, right? And then I'll go through like the, it's all coming down the end of January into February.

like our shows failing. What am I doing? I need to go back and be a professor. This whole thing's awful. And then in March, the sun comes out and I'm like, let's go, let's go for a hike. So it just is cyclical and seasonal for me. Cody, my manager knows just he doesn't take a lot of my emails during the month of February because they're all caustic and he also doesn't jump at everything. I suggest in March or April or May because he knows I'm overly

I want to take the world on. I'll say yes to everything and then I'll be sad in October, November. So just cyclical, but I like to spend time with my kids. I love spending time with my wife. She's a close buddy. I like playing music with the gang. I like to go into concerts. I love going to stand up comedy and I like being out in the woods catching something. What about you? What do you like to do besides just drink and get tattoos?

Seriously, only because of the show. But I don't, it says the thing, y'all, I don't even drink, so. Oh my gosh, she lies the old America. I tell the truth, she does not. I think they know. It depends on if it was a day, like if my husband and I just had, we're home.

I have, you know, breakfast, slow down, family show, slow down, slow down. Okay, breakfast out. Like my idea would be we'd be able to go to Loveless Cafe when it's not a two and a half hour wait, you know, have a nice breakfast, walk around downtown, some little tiny town that we have a ton of these here in that area where you have a little town squares with shops and stuff in them.

If it's just me and I have a day off, probably a lot of, sadly, I would love to say I have all these, you know, grand things, but it's probably a lot of napping in front of the television, falling asleep. But if I have, you know, if I'm up and about and doing things, I get out in the sun, go take a hike, go walk around. And I also love the idea, I love like going to coffee shops by myself, and I love eating meals by myself.

No problem doing that whatsoever. Going to a movie by myself, totally fine with all that. I love it. Isn't she a joy, America? Because I deal with all of this a lot. Here we go. Sometimes I need... She won the lottery. A little alone time. Yes. A little don't talk to me time. All right. What's your favorite social distortion song?

Oof. Two of them are a tie with the Angels Sing, which is pretty extraordinary. Off the white light, white heat, white trash album. And also in that same record, my other favorite song by them is I was wrong. The song I was wrong became an anthem for me back in 2000, 2001 or two when it was released. And it

Mike Ness, the singer, the singer of that band was just the pillar of punk rock attitude, not like Green Day punks where you have green hair and you're like, Oh my gosh, girls. But it was like real thick black boots and jeans and we're going to fix the car and we're coming over to the house to burn it. It was like old punks. And so he was the picture of, you don't apologize. You don't say like you, you just go hit the next guy in the room. And

When he came out of that song, it was at a pivotal point for me growing up, like going from being a kid, being a college kid to it, like, I got to be a grown man now. And for whatever reason, that lodged itself into my soul. Like, I was wrong and it's okay to say that. And the whole song is called, I was wrong. It's one of my favorite songs of all time, but those two songs are pretty amazing. All right. I'm going to go again off script off with this favorite, favorite guys in Rosa song.

My favorite Guns N' Roses song. Great question.

I've got multiple memories wrapped around him. Is that okay? Patience was a song that me and a guy named Brandon, who is one of the most amazing musicians I've ever played with. We used to play patience all the time. We had a little acoustic duo and we'd travel around like little coffee shops and little ecologists, stuff we'd play. And that was always just the crowd favorite back in the day. It's such an amazing song.

It's so good. And he was so talented. It was just, that was fun. I remember Paradise City coming and being the first, that was like my generation's Bohemian Rhapsody. It was like an eight minute, there's 14 songs. It's just utter chaos, but it's controlled and there's a sing-along course. It was just the perfect song for a guy growing up trying to learn what rock and roll was and one to have his own band. That beginning of Paradise City,

Just the strum. When it's just slash. I have so many frickin' memories tied to just that beginning. I mean, I can think of a million things because I was, so you were probably in middle school because I was, what was it, 89? I was a newborn. 89, I think. You're graduating college. I was a freshman in high school. Yeah, sure. And so, but I just have, yeah, for some reason that bit right there especially,

a million, just a flood of memories. For nerds, like for music nerds, I listened to that intro strum. It's the most perfect, like time signature wise, tonally, like it's the most perfect that, that first chord, I would just hit, I would just back it up, back it up, back it up, back, because I was so perfect. And then the end chaos, where you can hear everything exploding. When you see it live and they're running around and there's rockets everywhere,

It's just, it's just what it's supposed to be. Like, whatever you think rock and roll is supposed to be, it is. That song played live. I just remember smiling ear to ear. I've seen it twice live. I, I smiled ear to ear and I didn't stop. It was just every little boy on planet Earth has imagined themselves being slashed, standing up in front of the whole screaming crowd, playing that solo at the end of Paradise City while Axel's running around behind you, just doing something. Right, probably having a temper tantrum about something. Of something sort, but yeah.

Yeah, those are important. And then there was just songs when that, when Aptide for Destruction came out, it was just such an inappropriate record. And it was just a way to be a little rebellious kid without doing anything. You just had to put your headphones on. And much to my sugar in 25 or 30 years later, when I saw that concert, I was like, oh, all those songs are downloaded in there. I knew every word to every song.

Oh yeah, my Michelle, Mr. Brownstone's one of my favorites and I know it's horrible. I'm fully aware of what it's about. I remember they come out and they started playing their first song and I mean the place of rups and I'm with four of my oldest friends, I mean three of my oldest friends on the planet. One of the mothers, one of my childhood second moms.

She calls me, I live eight hours away. And she said, I know this is crazy. And this is the mother of my closest, one of my oldest friends on the planet who's a paraplegic now. She said, I did something crazy. I heard there's a Guns N' Roses show. I bought four tickets. Is there any way you could fly down? And the whole old gang go. And I was like, I will be there. And it was a fun wild night, but two lines into the first song. I remember going,

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a daughter. I'm not saying this. What song was it? I don't want to say like. Is it Rocket Queen or five of a shell? I just remember going, no, no, no. I have a daughter. We are not. This is Mr. Rose. You're being rude and tacky, inappropriate, inappropriate. So I crossed my arms for that song, but.

then we get back into it. But I just remember being like, oh my gosh, no kid should have listened to this record. Well, that's pretty much all music from the 90s that I listened to in my car. I'm like, this is awful. I know. I know. I know. Yes. All right, last question on this one. Favorite Metallica song? Favorite Metallica song? My gosh, that's fantastic. Going all the way back, there's a song off their Kill them All record called Whiplash that I remember being the fastest

I remember thinking I didn't know how human beings could play a song that fast and it being like being electrified. Like I remember being like, that's what yeah, I want to play that fast. And so I remember whiplash and gosh, I remember all those ride the lightning records and all I just from I guess if I had to pick one, there's just

Um, this is very unpopular to say, but it is very hard to beat. Interstate man is one of the greatest, as the greatest metal song of all time. It really is. Yeah. It's perfect. It's perfect. It is perfect. If I have to pick one, like, to me, it's like, Interstate man and then everything else. Um, nothing else matters. For some reason, I just, I love that. See, I was used to always, I remember being so upset with that song. Like I wasn't allowed to listen to the record.

Like, oh, you guys sold out. Because when they played one, it was about like a war veteran. They played Sanitariums, that's something going crazy. So even their slower songs were about something caustic, right? But then just like James having a bad day singing about it. Yeah, it's something in Hetfield's voice and that one that I love. There's something in his voice that I just love. It sounds like a person being seen naked for the first time. Like, this is what this is me. And there's just that awkwardness to it. It's really, it's pretty rich, yeah.

Yeah, but Entertainment is the perfect Metal Song. It's the best Metal Song I've ever written. It just is. It's a difficult walk by Pantera. Oh my gosh. But if I'm being objective, Entertainment is the greatest Metal Song of all time. All right, so we'll be right back with more Ask Me Anything right after this.

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All right, we're back. Ask me anything. We just talked to music. So what are you talking about now? All right. Trauma has become a buzzword. We'll just jump right in. We'll talk about trauma. What is it really and how do you recognize its effects? I guess as simply as I could put it is trauma is your body reenacting something in the present that happened to you in the past.

you can detect it when your body begins to try to protect you from something. That's probably the easiest way I could say that. Whether it's a hard conversation, whether it's fear, whether it's somebody, you feel somebody coming up behind you, it's just your body trying to take care of you in some shape form or fashion. That's probably, that's not a good answer. Here's a better answer. Trump is when you have a memory of an event, a thing, a person, a situation, and your body goes into fight or flight in the present right now.

It jumps to protect you right now. Other things are just actually scary, right? Walking in a dark alley that's been a trauma, just means you're in a dark alley and someone might hatch at murder you as they would in one of your podcasts. Or in Nate Dogg's dreams, wild dreams there. But yeah, trauma is when you have a memory of a person in a place or thing, an event and our situation and your body gets flooded. It just tries to protect you.

and heart rate, numbing devices, sweaty, like there's any number of things, crying, tearful, anything. All right, this one says, I want to journal and be vulnerable, but I worried that someone will read it. How do I get past that? I mean, my honest answer is find somebody you can read it to. Go straight through that fear. Like write it down and sit down with somebody and say, I've got to tell you something, bananas.

I remember someone who I loved dearly, not my wife, someone I loved dearly was really struggling with some intrusive thoughts, postpartum, and had just convinced herself that if somebody knew the thought she was having these images that they were gonna take her kid. And so I was like, all right, let him rip, tell me. And you just watch this, I just remember her physiology changing in front of me, because she'd been holding it so tight.

And I said, you need to go see somebody right away, which she did. Um, but I think there was that initial, I'm not going to take your kid. You're an extraordinary mom and you love your kid. What's going on in your head and your heart. And then she went and told her over to an who was amazing too. So, um, it could actually do something about it. I couldn't think about it other than just be there, but I, yeah, I'll leave it at that. All right. How do you feel about your impact on other people's lives?

Hmm Only in the last year has it gotten very real and it gets it's gotten pretty heavy so in a strange way have to stay pretty distant from it because I think at the end like I say this and not to be tried but like I Have the easiest part of this thing that's just to sit and talk on the phone with somebody and I look straight at a camera So I don't I'll actually see the person I'm talking to you

And the real heroes are people who listen to this thing and then go sit down and they tell their wife like, hey, I want to do something different. Or I don't know how to be a better dad, but I want to. Or the wives who say like, I need more help around here. And they've never said that. It never seems to me model how to say that.

And so, or the person who says, I'm struggling pornography or I cheated on you or like, whatever has to happen so that we can go to what happens next. And that's bravery. So I'm always impressed with people who call. I'm always impressed with people who reach out or see me in an airport somewhere and says like, I went and did the thing. That to me is awesome. But I have to be careful not to try to carry everybody's story because I can't. I don't have that kind of strength. I'm not that strong. And so over the last year, I've recognized the weight of it all.

and it's pretty cool and it's neat. And if I do consciously remain an arm's length from it, otherwise it can become a part of my identity and that's not safe. What about you? People write in and say, like, hey, thanks to John and they always say, and team, which I guess it means you. Like, that was me being sarcastic by the way, everybody. I think we all caught that. Yeah, they do way more than I do. But like, how is it for you?

Well, because you read all the emails that I don't read, I don't get access to those. Like you read all the emails that come in and you hear the stories over and over and over. Yeah. When we first started doing this show, man, that, that took some time. I remember my husband walking in, I was working at home one night, like 11 o'clock going through emails and I was just,

crying and he walked in, he was like, nope, this has to change. This can't continue. And I had to learn how to compartmentalize it. And that's why we talk about, I think we all talk about, as soon as I walk out of here, I can't tell you the calls we just did. It's really a strange phenomenon. Yeah. And I think we all feel that, because I have to shut it off. It's like a sketch just gets shook and then we're out, yeah.

And then it's like, okay, on to the next one. And I know when I go through emails, sometimes I'm sure it seems heartless because I have to be just so yes, no, yes, no, because we get 200 a day. So it's just, yeah, it's a matter of just turning it off. And I'll have, when we're in our content strategy meetings and our Trevor, our content strategy should be like, so when John was doing this call, what did he say? And Taylor and I were like, we didn't even remember the call. And he's like, it was last week. We don't remember yesterday's because we've just turned it off. You have to.

Yeah, and that may mean that sometimes I sit at lunch and I don't sit with people and I sit by myself and just put my earbuds in. That's because she's anti-social. Partially. Or if it's at the end of the day, I go home and there's no radio in the car. I do that often. It's just silence. Peace. But do you ever, one of the coolest things is when somebody stops me somewhere and says,

I don't want to bother you, just need to tell you. I started talking, I've been listening to your show. I started talking to my wife different and it's made all the difference. Or I sat down with my husband and we're seeing a counselor and I think we're going to make it. Like they'll walk away and that's one of the greatest gifts somebody can give me is like.

Because we all hit send, right? And we go home to our lives. And it's not like a live event where you could feel it and you know it's there and you meet people after the show and all that. This is just like you hit send. And then so there's something really extraordinary about somebody stopping and saying, hey, thank you. I can't tell people who listen, what a big deal that is. It's awesome. All right. If you could play lead guitar for any band, Dead or Alive, for one show, who would it be and why?

lead guitar for any band. Good gosh, that's a great question. I will probably go to Yikes. It's a great question, man. Stumperoo. I would go to 92 to 94. Pantera. There was a they would

It's the only band I've ever seen. That's not true. There's only been a couple of bands very few that you walk into a room and they absolutely have absorbed the soul of that room and or the stadium or wherever you happen to be. And those were electric seasons. And I just remember that guy could play guitar like these were the best of all time ever. You know, it's pretty cool. So yeah, this is the way they could move a crowd with that stuff was just astounding to me. What about you?

Well, I don't play guitar. So first of all, that'd be a miracle. But if I could ever, so I'm going to ask you a question and I'll answer it too. This kind of goes with that. If you could see one band, one artist, dead or alive, ever, you know, one time, just to watch them play, who would it be? Queen. Oh, that's why it's Queen. Queen. Freddie Mercury Queen. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I mean, I've seen most of the bands I wanted to see. I would love to have gone to like,

see somebody like Buddy Guy or Howlin' Wolf like old blues guys in a dive in New Orleans. Like I would love to see that. She was like, yeah, I would love to go see her and catch them in the early days. But man, seeing Queen and just being a swept up in that thing. I can't even. Yeah, I'd be that'd be incredible. And Brian May is just the.

I mean, he's just the perfect guitar player. Oh yeah. So I've seen most of the bands that I wanted to see in my life. It would have been called the catch Hendrix or something like that, but seeing the spectacle that was Queen would have been amazing. My second would be Journey with Steve Perry back in like 79, 80, a huge Journey fan. Love him. Yeah. But like, that's right when you were during your first marriage. That was an important time for you. I was five. Yeah. So I just like to point that out. Whatever. The show's brought to you by Jerry Tull.

because I have a sister, my brother and sister quite a bit older than I am. So I grew up listening to, I had a kiss poster on my wall when I was five. It explains a lot. But because I was listening to their music. And so I've been a journey fan since, practically since I, were. This is sacrilege in the rock and roll community. Kiss is the one band that I've never been able to figure out.

Oh, they're marketing. I mean, it's 100% marketing. I've never understood them. Yeah. Like the fixation. And I hear that a lot of it was reading liner notes because they didn't have MTV back in the day. They didn't have all these pictures of these guys in the albums. And that's all you had. There was no websites. There was no social media. So you just would buy the record and you'd open it and there'd just be these pictures and you'd make little booklets. And, um,

Well, and I remember they were the first that my brother was a huge kiss fan and he had the kiss T-shirt because I have a picture. He went to school picture day with a kiss T-shirt. My mom was so mad, but we still have that. He had a kiss lunch box and they just, they were the first ones to do that. Nobody did that. Marked everything. Oh yeah, they're geniuses when it comes to that kind of stuff. But my favorite and my poster was Peter Chris, the drummer and he would sing Beth.

I just think you like this. He was dressed like a cat. It's not great. I mean, you listen to it. You're like, that's not great. But it's just. Kelly has a thing for men. Fortunately, her husband does not have this, but she loves men with like just stringy Burger King manager mustaches. And Peter Christ is like painted his own and you loved that. Shout out. I was a Burger King manager mustache. I only tried to drag you guys down because y'all are making it happen with that Whopper would choose. But like, you know what I mean? Like just the little like, oh, just let's just shave that guy. You love that.

I can't hear you. I said, does that explain my fascination with Kid Rock and Dave Navarro? Yeah, some of those guys, probably. Every once in a while, I'm right on the nose. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right, we'll be right back to wrap up this AMA if you're still with us. There's only no one's listening to this, Kelly. We'll be right back. All right, you know this. I'm a founding member of the Anti-Internet Club.

I think I'm the only member. But listen, I'm all over the internet these days. You are too. And as a society, we're creating more and more online accounts all the time. We're signing up for promos, giving away our email addresses. We're buying everything with our phones. I get hundreds of emails to my personal account trying to sell me stuff, all kinds of stuff, and I hate it. And I also know it's not going away anytime soon, which is why I'm happy to use and recommend Delete Me.

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And right now, I'm getting way fewer of those spammy texts and phone calls, which allows me to let my guard down just a little bit and feel some peace. This holiday season, share the peace by giving a delete me subscription to someone you love.

Individual delete me plan start as low as nine bucks a month. Go to join deleteme.com slash Deloney today for 20% off. That's join J-O-I-N. Join deleteme.com slash Deloney. All right, we're back with I guess the last segment of this ask me anything. It's mostly been talking about Kelly's music preferences. What does healthy masculinity look like?

Oh my gosh. Can I just say the phrases that just popped into my head? Yeah. I can. And I don't have to. I get to and I will. And I know when to fight and I know when to provide and I know when to love and I know when to lay it all down.

and masculinity is knowing when. Can you give me an example of the can? I can, I get to all of those. We've never really talked about it on the show. We're gonna lose some listeners on this one. That's okay. I spent years learning mixed martial arts so I never have to fight anybody. I can and I won't. I just will walk away.

And I grew up, my dad was a homicide detective. I grew up around guns and I know how to handle guns so that I never get some fantasy about using them. I know how to go out and hunt a deer and from starts to

Have it in the freezer and then cook it, right? I know how to do that. So man, I really enjoy hamburger and cheeseburger, right? And so it's, it's, I think there's this idea that you do all these things so that you can exert your will on the world.

That's such a lame way to live. It's an exhaustive way to live. But also equally exhaustive is this new world where men are happy about the things they don't know how to do. I don't know how to do that. I would never want it. That's insane too, right? That's just a little sliver of history. So I think this idea that I can and because I can, I don't have to is a, I think Jordan Peterson says, becoming terrifying so that I can be as gentle as possible.

Because if you don't have that power and that strength that you know you can draw upon, if I didn't know, I couldn't go get my family food if I needed to.

then I become an anxious mass. You follow every political trend and you outsource every decision, every, everything, every, ah, to everybody else and you never have peace. And, um, in the book, I don't want to talk about it by Terry Reals, one of the top five books of my lifetime, but he talks about going to meet a warring tribal chief, I think in, um, in Africa. And he noticed that they were

overly, overly, like affectionate with their sons, holding hands with their sons, hugging their sons, kissing their sons all the time. And he asked about the interplay between this war tribe and this affection.

Like, which one is it? And the chief said something along the lines of, it's both and, it's the mark of a true man is doing when to do which. And that always sat with me. Like, that's it, right? I can, so I don't have to. And that's me, is it? Love that. So how do you limit kids' access to social media when they're at school or with their friends? Because we've talked a lot about it home.

Well, number one, if they don't have a device, they don't have a device. Number two, if a kid shows them something, they're gonna show them something at school. I mean, you play as much defense as you can, but you gotta send your kids out into the world. It means you can't just, you can't play defense by prevention and have no conversation. You gotta talk about it. And I always go back to those like,

It's the investment in relationships so that when they see something that they can't process, like some kids shows them a terrorist beheading video on some social media account or they show them some, the first topless woman and like in their sixth grade showed them that for the first time or fourth grade or third grade. And they don't have a psychology for they just saw other than it was terrifying or it was awesome or it was like.

kind of amazing or like, I want to throw up, I can't sleep. It's the image stuck in my head. It's the reason you go to breakfast every Tuesday over the course of five years, six years. It's the reason you drive your kid to school with the radio down. There's those reasons so that there's a relational context for when those things pop up. And you always enter those spaces not with, who showed you that? I'm gonna, you show it with, man, thank you for sharing that. That sounds scary or,

Yeah. Somebody that I shared on is pretty amazing. That's why it's bounded in this context, right? That's why it's important to, so I, you, you're gentle and you open with curiosity, but kids are going to see stuff because they're going to see stuff. That doesn't mean because I hear this all the time. They're going to see you at school. So I might as well. And that's insane. That's like saying my kid might get punched.

in a, by a bully. So I'm just going to hit him all that like stupid. That's just stupid. Um, and there's, I mean, we're, I'm over the top as a parent and, um, but especially when my son was younger, when he's in middle school and elementary school, we would, if he was going to a place where there was unfettered phones and internet, he wouldn't long to go. I just said, we just said no. And thankfully the parents were always so gracious and cool. And so,

All right, can you pick a couple of your tattoos and tell us the story behind them? I guess, yeah. You want me to take my shirt off? I can't believe I'm going to say this, but yes. You've been asking for that forever, Kelly. It would help the YouTube show. Yeah, I guess. Let me see here.

All right, let's see here. So here's a funny one. So I had this little just gap right here. So I got these prayer hands. Have I told you about this? Yeah, you told me. So I don't know. I got these prayer hands. I saw them on old social distortion, something rather than I thought they were cool. But my daughter, they're praying hands. But my daughter, Josephine, when I came home, she was like, why did you get a tattoo of somebody clapping for you on your own arm?

And I was like, she said something like, do you need that? I was so like, such a skewer. I think she was six or seven. The cardinal is my grandmother had collected porcelain birds as a little boy. I was in a lot to touch them. And I always wanted to. And there was a bluebird and a red bird in my eye line as a little boy. And right before she died, she gave me both of those. And after I got this tattoo, I got it downtown New Orleans.

Super sketchy, but it was good. And I think came to find out that Cardinals.

The myth of the cardinal is that somebody that you've lost is visiting you. And so I spend a ton of time out in the woods. And whenever I'm hunting or just out there in the woods, quiet and a red bird comes, a cardinal comes, I always just smile. And I think I'm a grandmother. And when I see a bluebird, I just, I pretend it's my granddad and it's cool. And even the other day, a bluebird came and sat right next to me while I was in a tree and just sat there. And I got this overwhelming sense of peace

And out of nowhere, I texted my sister and said, this is going to sound crazy, but I just heard from Granddad. And he said, whatever you're working through, it's going to be all right. And she texted me back. She goes, well, when I get done crying, I'll call you. And I guess she'd been working. I mean, so it was just a cool little just searing dip at us is what it is. Um, I got this was the last Christmas card or birthday card my grandmother wrote me. It just said, we love you. And I had that they took it in tattoo then. So I'm just a sentimental guy. I love that.

And I got this one because of demons and dragons. I'm just like the least hard guy there is. All right, so last one. If you could pick three headliners for Deloney Chilla, what bands are you choosing? Deloney Chilla, it would be the Avit brothers in turn style and

My weekly low. That's a great choice. Great choice. Dumb button. No, I would not pick that band. I don't know. Who else would I pick? I don't know. I can't tell you that.

Pantera? I'm trying to think. Yeah, I mean, OG, if I could bring him back from like two of them. Like 92 Pantera. That would have been tough. The turnstile in the Avid Brothers could work. Pantera and the Avid Brothers would be a little bit of a stretch. Hey, it's your show. It is my show. Yep. You know what else I would bring out? Like 85 Run DMC. I like that. 85 Run DMC and licensed to ill BC boys.

But they had already written ill communication, so they would play some of those songs, even though that record wasn't out yet. And then the Avid brothers would come on and shut the whole thing down. And God, can I just tell you this? With all the concerts I've ever seen, in the top five, in the top five, which is a bold statement, Mumford and Sons absolutely annihilated the place that I saw them.

It was three dudes and they had like another couple of guys, like kind of on background instruments. I've never seen anything like you. Yeah, I've never seen them live, but I've heard they're amazing. It was something to behold how great it was. And so if they showed up as a surprise guest, that'd be kind of cool. I'm not even a huge Mumford son's fan. I just remember leaving being like, there's no way I just saw that. Like three dudes come out in our forties and just melt 16,000 people in this closed air basketball gym. It's pretty cool.

But I love the Ava brothers with all my heart and turnstiles just the best. They're the best live band out right now. So I don't know who would you have? Um, Michael Libby Smith, for sure. Stephen Chris Chapman, for sure. Let's just say no. Um, it would probably be.

92 guns and roses. So the original line up. So you'd have to go to church before and then after. Yeah, yeah. Because 92 was what the last time I saw them, so so good. I saw them in Metallica same day in a festival. Ah, it's amazing. Anyway, Teddy swims.

And this is a random concert. Yeah, there's lots of fistfights in the parking lot already. Yeah. And then I'm going to make it even worse. George Strait. George Strait. Yeah, in my top 10. Just the amount of just the catalog alone of George Strait. So it's a very. And then yeah, I remember Chris Dableton walked out at the ryman and just started playing this one song.

I've never heard an audience that quiet. It was like we were witnessing something very spiritual. One of my best concerts ever was Stapleton at the Ryman just a few years ago. It's unbelievable. I had the chance to see him again at the big stadium here. And I was like, I'm good. I've seen him at the Ryman. I'm good. There's no way a human has that much talent and that much kindness. Like everyone talks about him in town. Like he's the kind. If people would talk to about me one quarter of how nicely they talk about him.

Like, like he is just the greatest human being. Anyway, yes. Okay, so it turns to all it open. Who did I say? David brothers turn style and you read DMC BC boys. You know,

Early 2000s, late 90s, counting crows. Back when they were in their heyday. Back when the brothers were still both in the band. Gosh, they were amazing. Yeah. I got to see them in concert. No, that's a black. You're talking about black crows. Yes, I would love it. I wouldn't want to all birds concert. County crows, black crows, black crows, and the Ava brothers. That would be cool. There'd be lots of drugs at that show being used by you. Me, I'm sober, but she is not.

Man. What's your favorite tattoo you have? And why? No. I've none. Literally. It's zero. God, you lie. And you lie and you lie. It's the truth's gonna come out. We're in the age of the internets. You're Wikipedia page. Let's do that. We're gonna get up.

But if people will stick around for the outro, I have a fun question kind of around that. We'll be right back. All right, so you all know that this show is hosted on the Ramsey Network. We're a part of a company called Ramsey Solutions that has been helping people get control of their lives and their money for more than three decades.

This January 23rd, we're throwing a party in the form of a live stream called Take Control of Your Money. Into the new year, everybody's worried about the finances. This live stream is for you. And check this out. We're giving away $20,000 in cash prizes over the course of the live stream to five lucky winners. That's $4,000 a person.

And this live stream is going to be red. It's going to have Dave Ramsey, my friends, Jade Warshall, George Campbell, Rachel Cruz. And they're going to be talking about how to make progress on your money goals once and for all. And there's going to be live questions in a Q&A format. This is going to be red. Go ahead and mark your calendars. January 23rd, take control of your money live stream. It's going to be amazing. All the cool kids are going to be there. I didn't get invited.

But everyone else is gonna be there. I want you to be there too. And I want you in $4,000. Go to ramsysolutions.com slash livestream. All right, we are back as we wrap up the show. Kelly, you have one more? Yes, somebody sent this in. Okay. If you could 100% design Kelly's next tattoo without her having any say, what would it be? Oh, no question about it.

No question. It would be Deloni in old English across your shoulders. I mean... Not happened. No question about that. Like right now you have those two middle finger tattoos on each shoulder blade. Like where the wings would go if you had gotten like they give us two giant middle fingers. I would go over the tops of the fingers with just the word Deloni in old English.

It'd be so good. And when you were always wearing those white beater like those tank top things, it would look so rad. I thought I was done with my old English face. Oh, I'd bring it back for the baloney tattoo. Yeah, I would. Because when you used to run, you, you, you were associate producer of Dave Ramsey show forever and you have like Ramsey and old English like in that circle right over the top of your belly body. He pays me. That's true. I don't pay anything.

Yeah, we all we all can tell like Kelly's a volunteer spirit, right? She's just doing this one old PB old pro bono. Well, he still pays me so, you know, here we go. Here we go. Death row is the label that pays you. None of you all know that. Oh, my God. I know that. Yeller Taylor just goes what? Don't break my heart.

She's a lot younger than we are. What would be the three bands at Taylor Palooza? I genuinely don't know, but I was thinking if you ask me, I'm saying like Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, just to really, really put in there that I'm millennial. But those are like classic rock to you now.

You're right, Avril Lavigne, all of them. Oh my gosh. They're clapping. She was a skater boy since you later boy. I might have Avril show up and play a song or two. She played here a couple about two months ago, and I know some people that went and said she was amazing. Oh, and I saw her, and she brought the house down. It was me, three other dads, and 14,000 screaming middle school girls, and that part was kind of awkward, but Avril crushed. Avril crushed. What about you, Ben?

I think I would do, like, pop punk, like, emo from, like, the 2000s, like, Fallout Boy, Panic at the Disco, like, from their original album. Oh, dude. Like, stuff like that. It'd be rad. Thanks for saying that in public. That was a brave thing that you just said out loud. This shows about brave things. Wasn't easy. Yeah. And Nate Dogg would just have his strange xylophone bells, things that he listens to. No. Just ta-ta-t-tah.

I'd say like my chemical romance Green Day, this would be my top two. Again, the amount of drug use that goes on behind that screen, behind the glass. Hey, thank y'all for being with us. If you're still listening, I know your holidays are not going well for you, so I hope they will go better for you. And man, I love you, love you, love you, love you. Thank you so much for being with us. We'll be back soon.