This is an all ears English podcast episode 23 32. Do you say I don't know too much?
Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl.
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In today's episode, our listener asks us why Americans state an opinion and then say, I don't know. Find out what the social cues are for this and compare it to your own native language. Listen in today.
Hey, Michelle, how's it going today? Good. I mean, Lindsay, which episode shall we start with? Well, I guess the great listener question we had. I don't know. OK, let's do it.
All right, so in this in this role play to jump into our episode straight straight into a Michelle. What did I say? I said something kind of strange. Right. So I asked you your opinion about something and then you said your answer. You sounded kind of unsure and then you said, I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And this is really interesting. I had taken this for granted before. I never thought about the fact that we do say that when we give our opinion, but our lovely listener Pedro Paolo has brought this to our attention. So I am excited to bring out his question. But first guys, hit the follow button on the podcast or wherever you listen, you listen, whether it's YouTube hit subscribe, make sure we drop right into your queue five days a week.
All right. All right. Okay. Yeah. This is a good question. This comes from YouTube, another place that's great to ask your questions. Lindsay, would you like to read it for us? All right. Here we go. So Pedro Paolo says, a cultural topic that you guys could talk about is how much Americans love to end sentences with, I don't know. In other countries, especially here in Brazil, that would sound confusing or strange. It's like, how come you don't know what you just said? Talking about this would be fun.
It is going to be fun. I know. I saw this, this question. I thought this is a really fun one. I am excited for this one. So, yeah, Lindsey, this is something I never thought about. But when you think about it, it seems pretty common, didn't you think? It seems pretty common. And I can understand
the function it provides, right? And we'll talk about the function, the reason it's there. And it also ties into things I've learned in other languages. There, this function exists from my knowledge in other languages too. So, but it is a good point, right? How come, I love is quote, how come you don't know what you just said? Good question. Good question. I love it too. I love it too. This is really fun. Okay. So, I mean, why do you think Americans do this?
Oh, I think they do it as I can't remember what the term is. In my graduate program, we actually studied this. It's kind of a form of backpedaling, socially backpedaling. Maybe it's hedging. Maybe it's hedging. Yeah. Softening hedging backpedaling a tiny bit because the thinking is you've just made a proposal, some sort of proposal. You proposed something, a plan, but you're not sure if everyone's going to agree or want to do that. So you don't want to feel too bossy or too forward. So you hedge back a tiny bit.
Mm hmm. Yeah. So we're just direct. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, also it could show that you're being flexible, right? Maybe that your opinion could change. Like something somebody says could change your opinion or your plan. So similar idea of just not being completely set in your ways. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. It basically means you're trying to say, I'm in a collaborative mindset with you, with the person I'm talking with. Here's my idea, but we don't have to do that.
I'm open to something else. So when you put it in that context, it actually makes a lot of sense. Right. But at the same time, it can sometimes show that you're not confident in your statement or answer. And that's what we want to be careful. And it can also show maybe you're not confident in someone else. So we're going to be going over these today, these specific kinds of ways, these specific functions that I
I thought of when I thought about why I say or why Americans say I don't know all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Let's do some examples first, Michelle, and then we'll get a little deeper into this concept. All right. So here's an example. The white would definitely look best or the pink. I don't know.
That's frustrating, right? Especially if you're asking someone for their opinion, you know, which dress looks best on me. I would be annoyed if the person said it there because I just want your opinion so I can decide which dress to get, you know. All right. So exactly. So that's the function of kind of giving your opinion when you're giving your opinion, but you want to back off a little bit. So a decision or opinion.
So then here's another one. I love that Mexican restaurant. I don't know. It's whatever you want. Again, a little frustrating. I can understand where Pedro is coming from here. It's frustrating to hear this, right? Because I probably just asked you, where would you like to dine tonight? Right? And you said, oh, I just love that Mexican restaurant. I don't know. It's whatever you want or what we can do whatever you want. So you're really kind of giving an opinion and then you're saying we can do whatever.
Right. So yeah, there are times that this is more annoying than others. These are annoying examples, right, Michelle? Yes. Annoying examples with Lindsay and Michelle. Okay. Right. A suggestion, you've made a suggestion, but you're kind of open. Yeah. Or you could say, I think there's a sale on still, I don't know. So that's, that's a little different. Yeah. Yeah. That's genuinely being unsure of something. Mm hmm. A little,
less annoying because again, when someone asks you for an opinion or a plan, they usually want you to give them an idea and be pretty confident in that idea. But here, it's a little different, again, because you're just not exactly sure if the sales happening. So you're being honest, you actually don't know. That's just more straightforward.
Right. Right. Exactly. And then this one is an interesting one. This is about confidence in someone else. Let's see. What is this one? Okay. She told me she'll be there at eight, but I don't know. All right. So now what I'm saying is what I know about this person is she's usually late, fashionably late. Right. Yes. Right. Exactly. So this one, maybe you don't have information, but maybe you just don't have the confidence in someone and you're kind of
to projecting that in what you're saying. The other thing I would say, it can show up sometimes when we're stating opinions about maybe larger societal trends or issues going on, maybe politics, where you put out an idea, hey, this is what I've been seeing lately. I just don't know if I agree with this. I don't know. That might have a use, right? Because you're not exactly sure what the other person's going to think about this big, important topic. So you're hedging a little bit there.
So yeah, yeah, exactly. Good time to hedge. Okay. All right, Michelle. So do we think this is a good idea to use overall? I think it really depends on how often you use it, who you're using it with, and what you're trying to do. So I mean, think back to, I mean, Lindsay was basically rating the examples by how annoying that were. Yes. Yes.
You know, it can show a lack of confidence if you use it in a certain way. And also if you use it all the time. Mm hmm. I think it's going to be your. Yeah. Sorry. What you're known for. No, it's okay. Right. You don't want to be known for that. I also think it can show a lack of comfort with silence. I think sometimes people will use this if there's silence and they're afraid. They've said they, you know, they'll say their opinion and then it's quiet. And then they're afraid they're like panicking. They're panicking. All right. Oh, but I don't know.
Right. Right. That's a really good one. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. I think that's pretty uniquely American. Our style is very much allergic to silence. Allergic to silence. I love that. So, yeah, that's true. I mean, it can also be used to show humility, right? Maybe. Oh, but I don't know. You're just trying to show that it just, it all depends on why you're saying it.
So I think it's okay to use, but you don't want to become known for this being your expression. It would be like if somebody said, I'm sorry all the time, and we've talked about that. But at the same time, it can be useful and quite functional. So I think it can be very helpful, but we just have to consider why we're saying it.
Yeah, and I do think that, you know, American English is not the only place we see this. You know, when I lived in Japan, I studied a little Japanese, started to try to connect the culture with the language in my mind. And the word choto is not the same thing. So it's not exactly the same. From my understanding, I believe it means it kind of means no, but I don't want to say no, right? So it's not the same thing, but it's in the same ballpark.
of showing humility, not wanting to be too direct. When you disagree, you're not going to say, no, I disagree. You're going to say, Chodotas, and so apologies if I got that wrong to our Japanese listeners, but a little bit of the same ballpark. So I do think we find this in languages around the world.
Absolutely. Because we're social beings, right? If we are just stating our opinion all the time and just plowing through life and not looking at who's in front of us and who's around us and how they might feel, we're not going to succeed socially in life. And we won't be able to survive evolutionarily, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. And we want to survive. I don't mean that literally now, but you know, I know I know hold in this way to think about people around us. So that's kind of where that comes into play. Yeah.
Very interesting. Yeah. And I do think there are any other expressions that give off a similar vibe. Sure. Yeah, we can give our listeners some other options if they don't want to always keep saying, I don't know. And we do advocate reducing this. You know, we agree somewhat with our listener here, reducing it in certain scenarios. But here are some other things we could say.
I'm not quite sure. Michelle, what would that look like? Right. Or I'm not sure. It would be fine too. You could say, he could be there at eight, but it could be nine. I'm not quite sure. Yeah. See, it's just a little bit more articulate. It's adding a little bit more clarity that you're just not, you don't know the answer, right? You're confused or you're just unsure of the answer. Right? Yes. Good. Yes.
The next one is, who knows? We could try getting to the restaurant and seeing if they have a table, but who knows? I like that. Here's another one. I'm open. I really think we should consider paying the cabinets blue, but I'm open. What does that mean? You're open to other suggestions, to ideas? Yes. Yes. I love those.
Excellent. So those are giving us some really good alternatives that we don't have to always end with. I know. I think the key here is don't end with I know. I don't know as a filler. Don't let it be a filler, filling silence or just filling awkwardness or just as a kind of like an um or a like. Don't let it become like that. That's when we get into trouble. Right. If you make sure that it has a function that is being used with a purpose, that's going to be the most beneficial. I love that. All right, Michelle role play time. Let's do it.
Okay, here we are. Future roommates buying furniture. Lindsay, you think we'd be good roommates? I'm not sure about that, Michelle. I don't know. I'm not sure. But I will say this is a really good setup here, the scenario, because social context matters. Our relationship really matters. And I remember how lightly I tiptoed when I met my roommate for the first time freshman year.
Do you remember that? Like you're so careful and you're looking for any sign of what kind of person is this? This is the person you're going to share a room with your first year in college or any year in college. It's so important. Yeah, you're filling them out. And so so the social context is really heightened here. So we're just saying it really matters what they think of us. So here we go. Or and what we think of them. Okay, so we could look on Wayfair or maybe IKEA, I don't know.
I'm good with either. Ikea usually has great deals, but who knows? Yeah, I like Wayfair, but I'm open.
Maybe we could consider Bob's discount furniture. I don't know. We're not going to get any furniture. Yeah, I know of it, but I'm not sure. Oh boy. Okay. This is probably not a very productive conversation. We need help. Someone needs to be like, go to Wayfair. Here's the directions, you know, get in the car right now. We're going. This could be dangerous. So clearly, both of you are trying to hedge and, you know, not say anything too definitive.
You don't want to step on each other's toes. This is an exaggerated example, right? Yeah. You may, in a real conversation, find one or two of these, I don't know, or I'm open, but you wouldn't find this much, of course, but we're just showing you. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. All right. So here you said, so we could look on Wayfair or maybe IKEA. I don't know. I'm worried about our room. Yeah. And then, and then I, you said, I'm good with either. IKEA usually has great deals, but who knows?
Okay. And then you said, yeah, I like Wayfair, but I'm open. So it's funny. You're saying what you like, but then we're not getting anywhere. We're really not getting anywhere. I doubt that this would happen, right? I really doubt it. I would hope that this would not get to this. One of us would just say, okay, let's get in the car. Let's go to Wayfair. Right. That's it. But just showing you the examples again. Maybe we should consider Bob's discount furniture. I don't know.
And then you said, yeah, I know of it, but I'm not sure. Yeah. All right. So again, not a realistic example. It really paints the, I don't know in a bad light, right? But I think there is a social use for it. There's a reason, especially in context where you need to make a good impression. You need to be super aware of who's around us. We just don't want it to become a filler. Michelle, where else can we go?
All right, guys, speaking of opinions, go on over to All Year's English, episode 23, 24. That was, this is indisputably the best way to talk about your opinions in English. Yeah, Michelle, any takeaway for our listeners where we should leave them, what they should think about.
I think that the biggest takeaway is this is good to use when you have a function for it, not as a filler. To me, that's the biggest takeaway that came about from this episode. What do you think, Lindsay? Anything else? Yeah. And it's a great question. And it gives us an opportunity to look at language in cultural context too. If you see this kind of
function, language function appearing in a lot of places in any given language, then we know that it's a culture which is really relying on social threads and connections, right? Very interesting. Yeah. Yeah. When you make these observations, there's often something that you can tell about why it's used a lot and what that says about people. So I'm glad that we got this question and keep sending them our way. Great one. Great episode. All right, Michelle, talk to you soon. Have a good day.
Bye. Bye, Lindsay. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two-minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.
