959| Fast Hospital Births with Midwives, Miscarriage and Power of Educating Yourself - Sarah Moyer [rebroadcast]
en
January 30, 2025
TLDR: The podcast offers a discount of $100 with code '100OFF', which comes free with the KYO course.

Podcast Title: The Birth Hour
Guest: Sarah Moyer
Rebroadcast Episode
Introduction
In the recent episode of The Birth Hour, host Bryn Hunt Palmer engages with Sarah Moyer, who shares her transformative childbirth experiences and insights on navigating the complexities of pregnancy and motherhood. This summary highlights Sarah's three hospital births, her experience with miscarriage, and the essential role of education and community in the birthing process.
Key Insights from Sarah Moyer's Birth Stories
Sarah recounts her journey through three distinct hospital births and emphasizes the importance of:
- Trusting Your Care Provider: Sarah underscores the fundamental need to establish a trusting relationship with healthcare providers. Initial experiences with an obstetrician made her feel dismissed, highlighting the importance of feeling valued and respected in healthcare settings.
- Finding a Supportive Community: Community, particularly among fellow mothers, is crucial in navigating the challenges of motherhood. Sarah found invaluable support through local groups, including La Leche League and Moms Club, emphasizing how crucial these connections were for her well-being and mental health.
- Educating Yourself: Sarah reflects on educating herself about childbirth options, which allowed her to make informed decisions about her pregnancies and births. The availability of evidence-based information helped her advocate for her own needs and desires during childbirth, especially after her initial experiences.
Birth Experiences
First Birth
- Initial Challenges: Sarah shared her first birth experience, which was marred by feelings of dismissal from her doctor. After a long labor and lack of support from her provider, she felt unsatisfied with the level of intervention during her labor, which led her to seek alternatives for her future births.
- Lessons Learned: Sarah’s first experience led to a realization that advocacy and finding a supportive practitioner were vital. The experience propelled her to educate herself about her options moving forward.
Second Birth
- Switching to Midwives: Determined to have a different experience, Sarah transitioned to a midwifery practice for her second birth. The centering group model provided her with a community of support and enhanced understanding of the birthing process.
- Empowerment Through Community: This birth was marked by a collaborative environment where Sarah felt empowered and knowledgeable, leading to a significantly more positive experience.
Third Birth
- Embracing the Unexpected: Sarah faced another precipitate labor, but her previous experiences prepared her to handle the unexpected intensity of childbirth. Trusting her midwife and relying on previously developed coping mechanisms helped her navigate this rapid labor confidently.
- Community Support: After this birth, she once again benefited from community support which assisted her in managing postpartum needs while caring for young children.
Navigating Miscarriage
In addition to her birth stories, Sarah candidly discusses her experience with miscarriage, shedding light on the emotional and psychological struggle that follows loss. She emphasizes:
- The Reality of Loss: Expressing that miscarriages are often not easy to discuss, Sarah shares how her personal experience with early loss caused confusion and profound sadness.
- Importance of Support During Loss: The connection with her midwife and the support from loved ones were essential in helping her process the experience and move forward.
Final Thoughts
Sarah’s podcast highlights make it clear that the journey through childbirth and motherhood is unique for everyone. Key takeaways include:
- Understand the significance of choosing the right healthcare provider and the impact it has on birth experiences.
- Utilize community resources and support systems to enhance parenting and coping skills.
- Empower yourself through education about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum care.
Sarah's journey showcases the beauty and resilience of motherhood, advocating for informed choices, emotional support, and community in the transformative life experience of childbirth.
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I think my water just broke. I felt like things really intensified. She was right there and she was coming. It was an amazing feeling. I'm going to cry just thinking about it. I could feel her head. We heard her cry. We were squeezing hands and she was screaming.
I'm Bryn Hunt Palmer and you're listening to The Birth Hour. This podcast is designed as a safe place to come together and share childbirth stories. Stick around and join us to hear informative and empowering birth journeys from all over the world.
If you're new to the birth hour, we would love to share with you about our community over on Patreon. This is a way for you to support the show while also getting unique benefits like access to a private Facebook group, access to all of our archived episodes, not available in your main podcast feed, and other perks like regular Zoom calls, bonus episodes, and more. Head over to patreon.com slash birth hour to see the different levels that you can pledge your support at, and we would love to welcome you into this amazing community.
I also want to take a minute to tell you about our incredible online childbirth course called Know Your Options. This is 12 modules of evidence-based information taking you from pre-labor all the way through planning for different types of birth, including planned cesarean, unmedicated induction. Basically, any way that things could go, we want to make sure you're prepared, because as we know, from this podcast, birth is unpredictable.
So we will cover all of those things as well as postpartum recovery for you and baby's first few days. And then there's an entire bonus course that comes with this that is all about pumping and preparing for going back to work. If that's part of your plan, ways to boost milk supply, all of that comes for free with the Know Your Options course. You can find out more about this at thebirthhour.com slash course. And you can use the coupon code 100FF
to get $100 off enrollment. We've just gone through over the last six months and updated all these modules, including adding closed captions to it. So if that's something that you're interested in, that's now available to you. Again, that's the birthhour.com slash course. We would love to welcome you into that education component as well as that community. We have a private Facebook group specifically for our course students that also offers biweekly Zoom calls, which has created a really wonderful cohort of
people expecting around the same time are going through the same stages. So again, that's the birthhour.com slash course with coupon code 100 for $100 off enrollment. Today's birth story guest is Sarah. She has three hospital births to share with us and she talks a lot about the importance of trusting your care provider and finding community. She also shares about an early miscarriage and how she struggled with wrapping her head around the grief that came with that. All right, let's hear from Sarah.
Hi Sarah, welcome to the birth hour. Thanks for coming on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. Can you start by telling listeners a little bit about you and your family? Yes. So I'm an at-home mom to three daughters who are nine, seven and four. I've been married to my husband Mark for almost 13 years and we currently live in the Houston, Texas area. But when our daughters were born, we were living in the Fort Worth area.
All right and we're gonna hear all three birth stories today so let's go back to your first and talk a little bit about your pregnancy and then we'll get into the birth story.
Yeah, so we had been married for a few years and then when we found out we were pregnant, we were really excited, but I didn't really know like what came next. It's like, okay, we're pregnant, but now what? So we hadn't been in Fort Worth for very long. And so I literally just like Googled an obstetrician and called and made an appointment, which was probably my first mistake on
because I really didn't know anything about her. I didn't check out other doctors too. I just kind of went with one. So my pregnancy was kind of a typical pregnancy. I had monthly appointments with my obstetrician. It was going to be giving birth at a hospital. We took birth and breastfeeding education classes at the hospital.
And we found out that we were going to have a little girl fast forwarding a little bit through my pregnancy. My due date was actually 12, 12, 12, December 12, 2012, which is kind of cool. I remember that was always a fun thing to tell people. I did go a couple days after my due date is when I first went into labor. So it was December 14th. And I remember always
watching the news that morning, because that's actually the day that the new town, Connecticut, the shootings happened at that school in Newtown. And I just remember thinking like,
what kind of a world am I going to be bringing my child into? Like, I don't know, just that will always stand out to me as something that I remember from that day. But while I was watching the news, I started having just kind of like small gushes of fluid. And I thought, like, something might be going on here. So I called my OB and I spoke to the nurse. And she said,
Oh, you would know if it was your water. You would definitely know. So it's probably nothing. And I just remember feeling so dismissed. Really? I'm 40 plus two today. You're going to tell me that no, it's not my water breaking. I just was kind of taking it back.
How come you don't trust me? I called you because I wanted reassurance and you're saying that you don't trust me. But anyway, I guess I chose not to listen to her because I called my husband and said, hey, we need to go in and get checked out. I just want to make sure, you know, I'm first time mom anxious about what may or may not be happening. I just need someone to reassure me that either I go home and everything is fine or maybe I actually am in labor.
So he came home and we got to the hospital and it turns out it was my amniotic fluid and so I was admitted. I think I was like four or five centimeters dilated too because I think they wanted you to be both, you know, somewhat dilated and also if you're water had broken. So they did admit me and luckily contractions started on their own and I labored for about six hours or so on my own.
And then it was just too much. I had a hard time with the pain and the contractions and I remember talking to my obstetrician beforehand and she had told me that I could have the option of IV drugs instead of an epidural and that for some women, you know, that was all that they really needed. I really didn't want the epidural. I asked for the IV drugs, but I only ended up
being on that for maybe an hour and hour and a half and then I ended up with the epidural anyway because they just didn't have any effect on me. In hindsight, it bothers me that
my doctor because we had a chance to talk about everything beforehand. I wished that she also would have told me that the ivory drugs can also pass through the placenta and sometimes they can affect baby and I just didn't know. It's like you don't know what you don't know but she also didn't help me understand the whole picture either. So I don't know if I would have done anything differently looking back but that has always kind of bothered me that I'd never felt like I got the full picture from her. So my total labor was about 12 hours long
the last two of those I pushed. And the nurse was really the only one there, almost the whole entire time I was in labor, which I didn't know that was going to happen either. I thought, oh, my doctor's going to be here the whole time, you know, coming in and out. And as it turns out, my doctor wasn't actually on call when my daughter was being born. And so I had someone else from the practice that I had never met. I didn't know at all. She didn't know anything about me and I didn't know anything about her. And towards the end,
of my pushing, she said, which my husband remembers this more than I do because I was kind of like in the birth zone and didn't know a whole lot about what was going on around me. But she said, you know, the next couple of pushes will tell. And it's like, hold on a minute. Wait, we'll tell what? And it's like, I think what she meant was, Oh, the next couple of pushes will tell if you're going to have a cesarean section or not.
And there was nothing going wrong with my baby. There was nothing wrong with me. The only thing that was happening was it was almost six o'clock and guess whose shift was almost up. And that part of my experience, it just really has bothered me always that there was no reason A to say that or B, any reason why would have needed
she was on the clock. And that's how I felt. You know, I didn't know this person. She didn't know me. Maybe if I would have trusted her and she would have said that, then I would have thought, oh, well, there's a reason. So I ended up with an episiotomy. I know that my movements were somewhat restricted because I had an epidural, but we didn't even try pushing in different positions. Nothing. Like I just think that she was like, you know, well,
This isn't going as fast as I want it to. You're on the clock. You're on my clock now. So I'm going to give you an episiotomy so we can get this baby out of here and I can go home. You know, again, in the moment, I didn't necessarily feel.
like that. But then looking back at how I had wanted my birth to be little to no intervention and how I had established a relationship with my OB. And then, you know, none of that happened. I didn't get my OB. I didn't get my little to no intervention. And I just felt like anything that I had wanted for my birth just wasn't important to her, wasn't respected. I was kind of my experience with labor and delivery.
And I feel like my recovery was a lot harder than I expected. I was expecting the lack of sleep, but I don't think I was expecting as much lack of sleep as what happened. And then the constant breastfeeding and the little sounds that newborns make, and I don't know, it was a lot. My mom actually, she flew down and spent a couple of weeks with us.
I just remember being so thankful to both she and my husband that they were supporting me in breastfeeding especially because I just really had a hard time getting that off the ground. Her mom was an RN during World War II and she helped to deliver a lot of babies
I think from her experiences, what she had seen, I think she just understood different things about women and babies than a lot of people did, especially in that day and age. And she actually nursed all five of her babies. So my mom had had the support from her mom who had had experienced nursing when my mom nursed my sister and I, and then I had that support from my mom. And I just really needed that. And I was so thankful that I had that.
My husband and I had decided that I was going to stay home. Actually, it's something that I really wanted to do for a long time. When I had kids, I just always thought I want to be a stay-at-home mom. So I was really looking forward to that. But the transition to being a stay-at-home mom was really, really hard. I had
been working five days a week and then all of a sudden I wasn't and I was just home with this brand new baby who doesn't talk to you and needs a lot from you and my husband had gone back to work.
And I just remember like staying in my pajamas all day long and not being able to find the time to take a shower, not really knowing how to take a shower when I had this baby that needed everything from me. And I just was feeling depressed. And I remembered that during my hospital classes, they had given us some like local resources of places to
you know, meet up with other moms and stuff. And one of those was Lolecia League. And so I looked it up online and I decided to go check it out. And I remember, I'll always remember my first meeting. I think that my daughter was like four weeks old and I enjoyed it. But I was also kind of like taken aback because all of a sudden I'm like immersed in mommy world with like moms and a whole bunch of other kids running around. And I was just like,
So used to having meetings with adults. And so I just will always remember like toddlers talking and interrupting
like, whoa, this was different. I hadn't been used to, you know, a whole bunch of kids around when I'm trying to do something, which is hilarious to me now because that's my life. And like, I would never even think twice about that now, but I just remember like being really taken aback, like all of a sudden, whoa, I'm in a different world here. Yeah.
I can't remember that too now that you mentioned it. Yeah, it was so weird. I just, I never grew up around a whole bunch of little kids. All my cousins and I were about the same age and I just remember being like, what did I just get myself into? This was crazy.
But I ended up attending this meeting regularly and I just learned so much about breastfeeding from other moms and just like about being a mom. And it really helped me to become just really passionate about breastfeeding and I also just gained lifelong
important still to this day. And then I also found this organization called Moms Club. They had a local chapter in the town where I was living and it was like you meet up for a weekly play day and Moms nights out and they have other organized activities and that was also like a super lifesaver for me because it gave me something to look forward to.
I think that was like my main problem is I just really had nothing to look forward to and we were so fairly new in the area and I just I had no friends, I had no like I had no connections outside of my husband and then the ladies that I had worked with but I don't think I would have really hung out with them outside of work so I just needed to make these other connections.
for both of those organizations that I found. So fast forward about 10 months or so and I was pregnant with our second. So our oldest two daughters are only 19 months apart and I was pregnant with her. I scheduled an appointment with my same old obstetrician and we had our first ultrasound early and they thought that maybe I was miscarrying but ended up not being the case and
As time kind of passed a little I just thought more about my first birth and the experience that I had had and I just I really wanted something different. I didn't really know exactly how to go about making that change and I really wasn't aware of even all of my options but
I had a friend who told me that I should go check out this hospital midwife group. And, you know, I had talked to her about what I didn't like about my first birth and what I was hoping for. And she was like, you know, you really need to check out these midwives. I think you'll really like them.
And sure enough, I decided to do that. And it was like, it was the best decision that I made. One of the reasons that was really positive experience for me is that I decided to do what they called centering groups. And so centering groups are like women who are due during the same month as you. You all get together for like a group appointment. So like the beginning of the appointment, the midwife will take you individually
They just call it a belly check. So basically, you know, make sure everything's good with the baby, answering any personal questions that you might have. Basically, like what I had done with my old OB, the short appointment where you don't really spend a whole lot of time with them. And it's just, it's a very personal just to make sure that everything is good with you.
And then the rest of the appointment, you are with the group of women and you talk about all kinds of things like diet and exercise and pregnancy side effects and breastfeeding and of course, you know, labor and delivery. What's that like? And even though I was a second time mom,
It was just so invaluable to me to be with this community of women who had something in common with me who were going through the same thing that I was. And just to have them there to support me, like not only were my midwives there to support me, but so were my new friends that we were all having a baby at the same time. And also,
It just made the appointments so much more personable. You really had time to talk about questions you had. You really had time to share experiences with each other. I'm going through this is this normal, you know, and I just didn't have that with my first, especially not the in person part of it. I think I
or something like baby center or something like that. But it wasn't the same. Yeah, that centering model just makes so much sense. One of the things I was sad to see go when the pandemic hit. Yeah, absolutely. And hopefully it will be able to come back because, I mean, just truly invaluable. And plus you're making these connections with women who live where you live. So you can connect with them after. I still have a friend actually from that group, our daughters,
were born three days apart and she's actually pregnant with their fourth right now but we're still great friends and I never would have even known her had it not been for that group so I love that and I also love that I really felt like I was in charge of my own pregnancy like they would have you take your own blood pressure they'd have you write down your own weight you know
It was my responsibility to do that. It wasn't just something that, oh, I'm at an appointment and I have to, you know, they want this for me. They want this for me. I just felt like when I was able to see those things, it helped me understand what was going on with my own body.
even better. Yeah, I just can't say enough good things about that experience. So my labor with my second was totally different than with my first. Again, I was about the same gestation. I was 40 plus one weeks with my second. And I was actually with my mother-in-law and my sister and my husband in target.
And we were walking around Target. And all of a sudden I was like, I just kind of like felt some fluid. And I was like, okay, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I had some bloody show and like a lot of discharge. And I thought, I wasn't sure, but I thought maybe a little amniotic fluid. Like it was just kind of a lot. And so I came back and I told my husband what was going on. And I'm like, you know, I mean, this might not mean anything. This might mean I have hours, but
I'm kind of ready to go because something like might be happening and I just want to be home. And he's like, okay, yep, that's good. Let's go check out. And so I remember we were like up by the checkout and I said, oh, I need to go get some yogurt for my daughter. And so we were at the checkout. And so I was like walking across the front of the store to where they have the grocery stuff. And when I was in the middle of that, I remember having a contraction
And like, I did keep walking through it, but I remember thinking like, whoo, like that was intense. And I totally could have stopped to have that contraction because that was an intense contraction and that came out of nowhere. And we go to check out and in the car, I have several more regular intense contractions. And so I'm like, OK, well,
I'm going to go take a shower because if I'm going to be in labor for who knows how long I want to at least have showered before. And I think they were going to like stick a frozen pizza in the oven because I also wanted to eat something. And while I was in the shower like
I totally knew we don't have any time I have got to get to the hospital because I remember like sitting down basically like squatting down in the shower thinking like oh God please don't have the baby in the shower like this is this is so crazy and I got out of the shower because my contractions were just so intense and I got out of the shower and I told my husband I was like we have to go to the hospital now.
Like he's like, um, did you want to get something to eat first? I was like, no, we have to go now. And I was like, so in the zone that I didn't even say goodbye to my daughter. Thankfully she was 19 months old and, you know, she didn't really understand what was going on, but I felt so guilty about that afterwards. I'm like, oh my gosh, I didn't even say goodbye to her. So the car ride to the hospital was super intense. I hope I never have a car. I'd like that again. I was afraid I was going to have the baby in the car. I was in so much pain. I remember
unbuckling and laying my seat back down so I could be in a semi-comfortable position because sitting straight up when you're in labor is definitely not comfortable. We got to the hospital and you pull up to the curb and it's like 15 minute parking for people who are in labor who just need to go right up to that part of the hospital.
some husband parked there and I remember it's actually like a one way and he instead of going around and doing the one way he like went the wrong way and then made a quick u-turn and I remember I was like aware enough to tell him like what are you doing you're going the wrong way you know and he's like there's nobody coming it's fine you know he's in this like hurried rush and I'm still like no we have to follow the rules you have to go the right way
That's all. We parked the car and then I remember he goes to get the bags out of the trunk and I just remember thinking, okay, you better hurry because I'm not having a contraction right now and I need to be able to get out of the car. If I don't do it right now, I'm afraid that I'm going to have a contraction and not going to be able to move. And sure enough, like he gets around to my door.
And I get out of the car and I have to like stop and squat almost immediately and have this massive contraction. And I remember somebody was walking by and I just thought like I was aware that they were walking by and I just remember thinking like, Oh my gosh, this is like a movie.
Like who is in labor on the sidewalk? Like that's me right now and someone is watching me and this is so embarrassing. But we got into the hospital and it was during early evening hours and they still had this maternal observation area going. And so I had to go there first and I remember getting right up onto the bed and like I immediately was on all fours like rocking back and forth. And I just feel like they were not taking me seriously. Like I don't know what they thought but
for these nurses and I had to scream at someone to please come in and check me and when they finally sent someone in she goes oh she's out of nine plus and it's like that's right I'm ready to have this baby it was that fast you know I went from walking around target to
I'm over nine centimeters. It was so quick. Yeah, that's crazy. It was intense. And I remember with my first, I walked from that observation area to labor and delivery. And I remember having the fleeting thought of, oh my gosh, if they make me walk, I don't even think I can do this. But thankfully, they wheeled me in. I stayed on the same bed that I was on. They wheeled me in and then they transferred me on to the big hospital bed.
and they got me hooked up to the monitors right away. And my midwife luckily was already there at the hospital. And so she was there very quickly. So once they got me hooked up, they started noticing that the baby was having a lot of decelerations whenever I had a contraction. And I think this is like where the difference between my first birth and then my second one, the difference in my provider just really like was important because I had
an established relationship with this midwife already. And I trusted her. I think that that is so important if you are not feeling like you're on the same page as your provider, man, get on the same page as a provider because things can be so unpredictable in birth.
And if you don't trust them, the outcome might not be what it should be. And I remember her like locking eyes with me and just saying like, we have to get this baby out right now. And again, like I'm in my birth zone and just basically focusing on my midwife and doing what she tells me to do. But
My husband said that the NICU team had come in through the corner and like he looked over at him and I guess somebody just kind of like put their finger up to their lips like it's okay like we're here but you don't need to say anything or don't worry about it. We're just here in case because they were really worried about her. And so
It was really quick. I don't even know how many times I pushed, but it wasn't very many. And when she was born, the cord was wrapped around her neck a couple times. And thankfully, she was okay. And the NICU team just left in the same way that they'd come in.
And she was okay and everything was okay. I had some bleeding afterwards, but luckily I wasn't hemorrhaging, I was okay. And it was just a very crazy experience. So one thing that I remember too is
I remember them placing a saline lock and they remember thinking, Oh, good. They are following what I wanted them to do because again, I really did want like a little to no intervention labor. But having a saline lock in place was something that I wanted just in case, depending on how intense things were for me, they would have easy access if for some reason they needed it. And I remember thinking, Oh, good. Like they're doing that. They're honoring that part of my birth plan.
And no, like they were doing that because they thought I was going to have to have a C section. And I also remember asking for the tub. Can I please use the tub? And they're like, sorry, like we don't have time. We can't, you know, babies into distress. But it's again, it's another one of those things looking back. I think I very easily could have ended up with the cesarean just because
You know, I didn't and I did what I needed to do. I just remember having this big feeling of trust with my provider, like whatever you say.
I will do because you know what's best for me and the baby and you care about me and you care about my baby. Instead of like with my first experience, I just felt like she didn't care. Like that was the feeling that I had. Yeah, that's something we talk about all the time in our childbirth course is like the most important decision you'll make about your birth is choosing your provider and making sure it's somebody that makes you feel supported.
100% and I think as I have learned more, I realize now, you can advocate for yourself. You can change doctors during your pregnancy. I just didn't know that. Nobody had ever told me that. I wasn't aware that that was even a thing. I didn't know. One thing, total time I was in labor was like three hours. I think some people might say,
Oh my gosh, I want that kind of labor. That's amazing. But when you have a precipitous labor and that's not what you were expecting, it was very hard for me to process afterwards. What just happened, especially because I had spent so much time preparing mentally
for this birth that was going to be, you know, a different experience. And I had, you know, more comfort measures. I knew about more comfort measures that I wanted to do. And I just had all these things in mind that, and then I did, I had nothing. I did nothing of those because it happened so fast. So I think even going into my third pregnancy,
I just kind of felt like, I don't know, like a mourning almost that I didn't get to have the labor that I had prepared myself for because it just happened so fast. So I just think that that's kind of important to understand, especially if someone is sharing their birth story with you and it's a different experience than what you had, that there might be reasons that they feel a certain way and even if you don't understand it, it's valid and they do have their reasons for
for feeling like that. Because like personally, I have had that experience. You know, I can understand that now because I've had that. Yeah, I hear that from a lot of people with precipitous labors is like, it's not everything you would hope it to be. It's like the same amount of intensity just crammed into a shorter period of time. And it can be really overwhelming. And like you said, hard to process, like you're just kind of shell shocked, like what just happened to me? Exactly. I totally felt like that. I think my husband felt like that too. It was like, whoa.
And I can't imagine being an observer. It's one thing when it's happening to you and you really can't do anything about it. You're having this baby no matter what. But then I can't even imagine how it would feel to watch that, to watch someone who isn't in control and someone that you love and care about.
And, you know, obviously he realized more about what was going on than I really did. He was watching the monitors. I wasn't, right? Like, I'm watching my midwife. He saw the NICU team come in. I didn't. And I think for both of us, you know, it was like, whoo, right? It was just a lot. It was a lot.
Then after we brought her home the recovery this time around physically was like night and day. I mean I felt so much better almost immediately. But of course like when I get home now I'm juggling a toddler and a newborn and she was having trouble breastfeeding and we found out that she had a tongue tie and we also realized that
like she was having trouble turning her head to the right on her own and that's something that can happen sometimes especially with like really quick labors where baby descends really rapidly is sometimes they end up with you know with torta coles with trouble with their necks and their heads and so i spent months with chiropractic
and cranial sacral therapists and appointments that I it was a lot of time and it was a lot to have a brand new baby and a toddler and you know you're dealing with like
tongue-tie revision and all these stretching exercises and doctor's appointments that you didn't think you were gonna I mean it seems like a lot sometimes just at the beginning just going to the pediatrician for all the appointments that they need but I've just I had to get good really fast at taking both of my kids out for doctor's appointments because she had a lot of those and I
I just wasn't anticipating that. And I think the friends that I had made with Lillage League, and I had also joined another local breastfeeding support group at that time. And then Mom's Club, again, they fed us and they supported us. And for me, it was, again, like the importance.
really helped us get through a really hard time while we were dealing with the issues that she had. So fast forward about 18 months or so and we were ready to try again for number three.
And I had been on next plan on birth control. It's like the implant in your arm. And I had had it removed. And then the next month, I had like a really heavy period, but I didn't really think much of it because especially right after I don't think it's abnormal to have some different bleeding. And I mean, plus I really hadn't had that many periods in the last two plus or three years because I've been pregnant and breastfeeding for a long period of that time.
But it was heavy and I remembered thinking that it was really heavy.
And then the week after that, I went to throw something away in the trash. And when I opened the lid of the trash can, I gagged. And I just was like, whoa, what was that about? Because in my second pregnancy, that was something that I dealt with while I was pregnant, especially at the beginning, was like, I couldn't eat very much without gagging or certain smells would make me gag. And so I was like, hm? Am I pregnant? No, surely not. But that was weird.
I remembered it was like mid-morning and I just thought, well, I'll just wait till the next morning and I'll take a pregnancy test. And sure enough, I did and it was positive. But the heavy bleeding the prior week kind of had me concerned. Like, why would I have had a heavy period the week before and then now I'm pregnant? And so I actually messaged one of my midwives on Facebook.
And I was like, what do you think about this? And she was like, well, why don't you just come in and we'll take your blood and we'll see what your HCG levels are. And I mean, that's weird that you had a positive pregnancy test, but you know, let's just see. Let's see what we find out. So I had my first blood draw and she called me on a Saturday and she told me that my numbers were really, really low. So she said, if you were pregnant, you might be losing the baby. Obviously, like,
If you're not pregnant the HCG isn't going to be detected at all but she was worried that I might be losing the baby but I had another draw on Monday and I did it and then when she called me back a couple days later my numbers were increasing so I was like so hopeful you know that whoa I really am pregnant and this is really happening like this is awesome
And they hadn't quite doubled. And that's what they really want is for those numbers to double. So they had me come in and do one more draw after that. Then I got a phone call that the numbers were falling and that had lost the pregnancy. And I just, I will just always remember how hard that was because
I just, you know, you hear about people miscuing all the time. And I think people talk about it more today. And I think in a lot of ways, that's a good thing. But you don't ever think that it will happen to you. And I had two healthy babies and I had no trouble getting pregnant. And, you know, it was like, all of these things were like textbook, just how they were supposed to be. And then it's like, oh, you know, then that happens to me. And we really didn't share
early loss. And in some ways, I feel like maybe part of the reason that I haven't ever really talked about it. I mean, I'm sharing it today because it really is a part of my story. And I want to be real about that. But maybe part of the reason that I didn't share about it is because like,
it wasn't early loss and I didn't need a DNC and you know it's almost like I mean I know it was a miscarriage and I know it was a loss but but it's like was it like really a loss you know because I was able to pass everything on my own and you know baby wasn't developed that much and like all of that all of those things like go through your head and even though I know it was a loss
Part of me is like, well, how can I compare that to someone who has had a loss when they're further along? Like, but it's just a very complicated. Yeah, I went through all those same feelings as well. And I had a friend who was like, you can't compare your pain and your loss to anyone else's. It's true. It's your own. And that really
helped me in that time. But yeah, especially being the host of this podcast, I've heard all types of stories and it was hard to kind of wrap my head around an early loss. Yeah, but I knew I was pregnant. And then the worst part about it was that when I found out that I was losing the baby,
My body still felt pregnant, but my mind knew that I wasn't. And I just felt like that was like so cruel. Like it was horrible, you know? And then of course, like my husband, he was in Canada at the time that I found out. And so like, thankfully my sister, my sister didn't even know anything that was going on. And I called her like, balling my eyes out and she just knew, you know, it's like, thank God for sisters because
She just knew and she came right over and and just there's this picture of me reading a bedtime story to my to my girls that my sister took and it was that night like it was that night that I was having such a hard time and it's like you're in between this place of like so much morning because of something that's not going to be but then like at the same time I still had to be a mom to my two little kids and
I don't know. It was just a really difficult and expected time.
So I was also, again, just thankful to have that established care with my midwives. And, you know, I had an appointment afterwards and, you know, she cried with me and she prayed with me and she just answered all my questions. And then, of course, after a loss like that, I mean, I mean, it's probably not like this for everyone, but trying again to get pregnant just like consumed all of my thoughts was like, that was all I was thinking about was like,
OK, when are we going to be able to get pregnant again? Like, I hope we're able to get pregnant again. What if I have another loss? You know, all of those things. And in the midst of all of that, you're still a mom. You still have daily life responsibilities. You know, it's like the world goes on around you, but you're inside your own head. And that's all you're thinking about.
Thankfully, we were able to get pregnant again with our third daughter just a couple of months later. And I remember having a harder time mentally preparing for her labor because like I knew what labor was like. And I just, I don't know, I was just scared. I guess I was scared of the unexpected because I had had two totally different experiences and it was like,
I really like to plan and prepare for things. And as much as you want to try to plan and prepare for labor, it just, you can only do so much and the rest of it is kind of out of your hands.
Um, and then not to mention I had the responsibility of caring for a, a barely turned four year old and a two and a half year old and, you know, making sure that I had plans for them for when I had the baby and, and just like, how is it all going to work? I remember telling my husband, like, I don't want to go into labor. Like I'll have the baby. That's fine. But can, can someone just like hand her to me and then like one day I'm pregnant the next day I'm not pregnant and, but I never have to go through, through any of the labor ever again.
to do centering appointments again. So I'm my third 10 mom doing centering appointments, but I I still felt that same amazing sense of community and camaraderie and it was just a wonderful.
So a couple of weeks before my due date, I remember I had printed off some free birth affirmation cards that I found online. And I was planning to put them around in the room while I was laboring. And I was coloring some of those. And as I was doing that and reading the different affirmations, I just felt so much peace all of a sudden, like, OK, I'm going to be OK. I can do this. I'm strong.
be okay and I think reading those affirmations just really helped me like mentally get in the zone that I needed to be in to say okay it's time to welcome this little girl into the world.
And I still was, though, kind of worried about how things were going to go, of course. And I had had a conversation with my midwife about, well, am I going to have another precipitous birth because I've had one before? And I remember her saying that it's just really, third child is the wild card.
you never know. Sometimes it's a really quick labor again. Sometimes it might be long. You just roll the dice. You don't know necessarily. So a prior precipitous labor doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to have another one. So I just really didn't know what to expect. So on the morning of 40 plus two weeks,
I woke up to a really intense contraction and I remember looking at the clock and it was like 2.45 AM and I got out of bed and I went to the bathroom and then I started walking back and forth in our bathroom. Then I remember in my midwife saying,
You know, because you have had a precipitous birth before, why don't you come in, you know, when your contractions are like three minutes apart or so, like we just want you here and you live a little ways out. And so just go ahead and come on in when they're that far apart. And I timed like one of them and it was like one and a half minutes already. And I was like, oh crap.
I think we better go and it was just weird. It was like I was in a dead sleep and then I woke up and all of a sudden I was just having regular contractions and so I woke my husband up and I'm like we gotta go and my mom had come in to stay with the girls so thankfully
she was there already and so we just left in the middle of the night and we went to the hospital and we parked again in that temporary parking area and this time the car ride wasn't quite as intense like I was definitely in labor but it wasn't wasn't quite as intense as it had been with number two so we got up to the labor and delivery floor
and a nurse at the nurse's station like she ushered me into a room and she just wanted to get my vitals, my information and stuff like that and she had me sitting down in a chair to take my blood pressure and while she was doing that towards the end of her doing that
All of a sudden, I felt this karate chop inside from my baby. And as soon as I felt that, the amniotic fluid just starts gushing everywhere. And I was wearing black sweatpants, of course. So it wasn't obvious at that second to anyone else that that's when it happened. But I was like, I'm pretty sure my water just broke.
She had me stand up and she was like, oh, sure enough. And then I also remembered her. She said something. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but I knew that the water was stained with meconium. And that actually happened to both my sister and I. And my sister actually ended up in the NICU and ended up having to have oxygen and stuff after she was home because it really affected her lungs.
Like, I knew, like, oh, mcconium aspiration, that's not a good thing. But at least they're aware that that is what is going on right now. And I mean, at that point, I can't do anything about it. So I just need to have a baby. And we walked out into the hallway and next to the nurse's station into another room.
And as soon as we got into that room, I remember stopping at the corner of the bed and just letting out this like instinctive like loud groan. Like my throat was like kind of sore from that groan for like a couple of days afterwards. It was like the, you know, this is a woman in labor.
like this is what women have been doing for decades. It's time to get this baby outgrown. And when the nurse heard that all of a sudden like there's this like hurried, you know, everyone is in the room because they've all heard that too. And it's like, okay, you need to get up on the bed. And at that time, I had calls on the way to the hospital to let my midwives know that I was coming. And thankfully they were there, but like they didn't know they were needed in labor and delivery.
quite that quickly but they had called and thankfully like she got there. The nurse was like so close to having to deliver because I was pushing this baby out. I didn't care who was there and thankfully though like my midwife she got there in the last few pushes and I pushed her out and she caught her
But because she'd passed the Maconium, the NICU team again was in the room and this time they cut her cord right away and they took her over into the corner and we're working on her. Her coloring was not very good and I remember seeing that and being worried that like, oh my gosh, is she going to be okay?
I didn't get to have skin-to-skin with her immediately. I didn't get to do delayed cord clamping, which I really wanted to do. But again, it's like the trusting your provider that they're going to do not only what's best for you, but what's best for your baby too. And they were concerned about her. And so thankfully they didn't have to take her to the NICU. They worked on her for a little bit.
And then they were able to bring her into me. So I think I maybe forgot to mention this in my second delivery, but that car that we parked in temporary parking in my second delivery, my husband moved the car after I already had the baby. And then they got all my information and stuff after I had the baby. Well, that same thing happened again this time.
like, baby is born and then my husband goes to move the car and then they finish getting all the rest of my information, which I just thought was kind of like, I don't know, it just struck me as kind of funny that like, they have just seen me have a baby and then all of a sudden it's like, oh hi, like by the way, you know, what's your name and your address and your social security number and all of that information that they need when you go to the hospital. So we kind of thought that was funny that that happened twice in a row.
So I think this third experience in a lot of ways, like, yes, it was precipitous. It was even shorter. Like it was like an hour and a half because she was born at 403 in the morning. And I remember it was 245 when I woke up. So it was like, you know, an hour and 15 minutes, an hour and eight
about, but I think in a lot of ways, because I knew that maybe it might go that way, when it did go that way again, it was so much less of a shock. I mean, I still didn't get to have like the labor that I was prepared to have, but I was kind of expecting it this time. Where before, I don't even really think that I
knew that it could happen so fast, like that really wasn't a reality for me. So having another precipitous birth after my second one, it just kind of helped me to process the whole experience a little bit easier. So following this birth,
had meals delivered from friends and groups that I was a part of. And for the first time, I just, I really realized not only how much that community was important to me, but how much I relied. I got needed. I needed those people. I needed that help. And it just became something that
I will always remember when it comes to, you know, me doing that for other moms, how much I really needed that as a mom of my oldest had just turned four, two months before. And then I had a two and a half year old and a newborn.
And, you know, looking back, it's like, how did I do that? How did I make it through that time? And I don't really know how anyone could do that alone or even how anyone could do that with only their partner. I just, I think,
that having someone or some people there to help and then being able to say yes, because that was a big thing for me to, you know, being kind of humble and saying, actually, I would love it if you would organize a meal train or, you know, yes, please, like, do you mind if we meet up at the park because I'm just ready to get out of the house or whatever that is?
It was just so important for my survival. So I felt good. I felt like I was rocking it. And then when my youngest was like three or four months old, I found out that a close friend of mine had committed suicide. And then I also learned that my husband's job was relocating in the next year. And all of a sudden, you know, where I had felt like I was rocking it, like then I was not. And I had
such a hard time with so much change in my life that I just felt like had happened all at once, not to mention, you know, having a brand new baby on top of it all. And that next year or so was a really, really hard time in my life. And I couldn't have done it without those support communities that I had established.
And when we did move, I found a wonderful postpartum therapist who really helped me and continues to help me with what I've been going through. And I also joined the local Lolechelu group and which I knew I wanted to get connected with because it had already been so paramount in my life for friendships and a community of like-minded moms. So those things really helped me to kind of move past
those hard times in my life and like there was light at the end of the tunnel that I didn't necessarily know that I was missing. So I think my birth experiences have just taught me the importance of you know educating myself and like we had talked about advocating for myself and just putting myself out there too because it's not always easy and I think especially today where everyone can just communicate virtually with each other.
can just be so invaluable.
And you can just really come to count on those relationships. And if you don't put yourself out there and try, then you'll never know what you might be missing. And that's just helped me so much as I've been a mom and navigating different times with my kids, those connections. They were important when I was a brand new mom, and those things are still important today.
So I'm just so grateful for the opportunity to be able to share my experience and for you having me on the podcast. Well, thank you so much for sharing. And I've just been kind of nodding along. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and going to a La Leche League meeting was really the only way I found mom friends. So yep.
And I just remember being so grateful for the one who brought me food and trail mix after the baby was born and really more than that, just talked to me and kind of mentally taking note of how I wanted to be that person for people in the future. Absolutely. And kind of along with that, I guess I also kind of said to myself, I can't be that person for other people right now because
I just had so much going on in my life and three tiny kids. And I was like, I want to be that person, but I can't be that person right now. But when I'm able to be that person, I will be. And I think that's just kind of like, it just goes along with like setting healthy boundaries for yourself, you know, because even still to this day, like it's easy to over commit. My life looks different now. My kids are a little bit older, but it's easy to over commit.
But when you can, it's so important. You know, if you can, like I know what a positive impact that had on me. And so like you said, I want to be that person to someone else too. Yeah, definitely. All right. Well, we're just about out of time here, but did you have any resources that you wanted to mention that you hadn't yet? I have several resources written down in my show notes, but a couple that I didn't mention are the birth partner book.
I actually read that and there's a lot of helpful information in there and one that I know is talked about often evidence based birth and then I have several breastfeeding resources and the mom's club resource also on my show notes page.
Okay, great. Yeah, we'll make sure everybody can have access to those links and then where's the best place for people to reach out to you? So people can message me on Instagram if they like. I kind of keep my Instagram page private, but you're welcome to message me on there and ask me any questions. All right. Well, thank you so much again for sharing these stories with us. Thank you so much.
Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed today's show, head to thebirthhour.com and click become a member to pledge your support. And as a thank you, you'll get an invitation to join our private Facebook group and access to exclusive episodes. Your vote of confidence and support means the world to me.
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