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    899: Jennifer Cohen | Live the Life You Want, Not the Life You Get

    en-usSeptember 21, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Transforming a spare room into an AirbnbIncorporating the Airbnb spirit into your home brings additional income and allows you to share your world with others. Be bold and make your guests feel welcomed by designing a personalized space.

      Transforming your home into an Airbnb not only brings in additional income but also allows you to share a piece of your world with others. Jen, a go-getter and friend of Jordan Harbinger, shares her experience of incorporating the Airbnb spirit into her own home. By designing a spare bedroom with its own exterior door and adding personal touches, she aims to make her guests feel welcomed and cherished. This not only enhances their stay but also keeps her home active and in motion. The conversation between Jordan and Jen also touches upon the importance of boldness as a skill. Jen, who is known for her ability to craft connections, emphasizes that being bold is key to getting things done. She encourages listeners to go after what they want, not just being the smartest or most talented person in the room. By doing so, they can create great networks and make a difference in their lives.

    • Building Boldness is a SkillConsistently pushing oneself out of comfort zone builds boldness, settling for status quo hinders growth and ambition.

      Boldness, like any other skill, can be acquired and developed through consistent practice. It's not a trait that one is naturally born with or without. The speaker uses the analogy of fitness to explain this concept. Just as one must go to the gym regularly to build strength, one must consistently push themselves out of their comfort zone to build boldness. The speaker shares her personal experience of transforming from a shy person to a bold and confident individual. She emphasizes that being content with the status quo can hinder one's ambition and prevent them from achieving their goals. Therefore, it's essential to chase after what one wants and not just settle for what is available or comfortable.

    • Believing in yourself is key to successBeing bold and confident can lead to personal growth and surpassing those who are more intelligent but lack self-belief.

      Being bold and believing in oneself is more important than being smart for achieving success in life. This idea was emphasized through stories of individuals who were less intelligent but had the audacity to go after their goals, ultimately surpassing those who were more intelligent but lacked the confidence to take risks. The speaker also emphasized that personality traits can be changed over time through intentional actions and habits, leading to a ripple effect of new behaviors and how others perceive and treat us. This perspective challenges the common belief that one's nature is fixed and can lead to significant personal growth and transformation.

    • Mother taught assertiveness through video gamesPractice assertiveness for effective communication, not just a theoretical skill. Developing boldness requires consistency and understanding it's not pushy or aggressive.

      Our actions and the way we present ourselves have a significant impact on how others treat us. The speaker shares an experience from childhood where his mother made him practice assertiveness when returning video games, which he later realized was because she didn't want to do it herself. This experience taught him the importance of being bold and asking for what he wants. The speaker emphasizes that developing this skill is crucial and not just something theoretical. It requires practice and consistency. Parents can play a role in teaching their children this skill, but it's essential to understand that boldness doesn't mean being pushy or aggressive. It's about standing up for oneself and communicating effectively. The speaker encourages everyone to find their comfort level with assertiveness and not let others walk over them.

    • Embrace your inner alter egoDon't let fear of rejection hold you back, embrace your inner alter ego to strive for what you truly want. Inspired by Beyonce and Britney Spears, using alter egos to boost confidence.

      We all have the potential to improve our lives, but fear of rejection often holds us back. We learn to accept "okay" instead of striving for what we truly want. This mindset is particularly harmful for women, who are often taught to be accommodating and not make waves. Even small asks, like requesting salad dressing instead of potatoes, can be difficult. But the regret of not trying or not reaching our potential is far more painful than rejection. The Batman effect, or creating an alter ego, is a practical solution to build confidence and overcome fear. Beyonce and Britney Spears are examples of this, using their alter egos to perform confidently despite being shy in real life. The Duckworth study supports this idea, showing that children who wore capes felt more confident and persevered longer than those without. So, don't let fear hold you back. Embrace your inner alter ego and strive for what you truly want.

    • Adopting an alter ego for focus and perseveranceUsing an alter ego can help overcome self-doubt, focus on tasks, and persevere in the face of challenges by reframing negative self-talk and determining whether to 'fix it,' 'forget it,' or 'farm it out'.

      Creating an alter ego or adopting a different persona can help us overcome self-doubt, focus on tasks, and persevere in the face of challenges. This concept, popular among actors and singers, has been backed by research showing increased focus and perseverance when using an alter ego. By recording and challenging negative self-talk with our alter ego, we can reframe our thoughts and move forward. When faced with obstacles, it's important to determine whether to "fix it," "forget it," or "farm it out." By doing so, we can free ourselves from being stuck and continue moving towards our goals.

    • Making decisions and moving forward is crucialDon't let analysis paralysis hinder progress, find simple systems to make decisions, and focus on what resonates with us for personal and professional growth

      Making decisions and moving forward is more important than getting stuck in analysis paralysis, even if the solution isn't perfect. Indecision can prevent progress and hinder the achievement of meaningful goals in life. The speaker emphasizes the importance of finding simple systems to overcome obstacles and make decisions, rather than overthinking and overanalyzing. The speaker also shares his skepticism towards popular self-optimization practices like gratitude journals, but acknowledges the potential benefits of feeling fulfilled by helping others and expressing gratitude towards them. The key is to find what truly resonates with us and helps us move forward in our personal and professional lives.

    • Practicing Gratitude with KindnessEngaging in kindness and visualization exercises can help shift negative thought patterns and deepen feelings of gratitude, leading to greater happiness and well-being.

      Practicing gratitude is not just about acknowledging what we're thankful for, but also about doing something kind for others. According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, this approach to gratitude can lead to deeper feelings of fulfillment and happiness. However, we often face a challenge with negative thoughts, which can make it difficult to focus on the positive. With an estimated 6,200 thoughts per day, 80% of which are negative, it's important to find ways to counteract these negative thought patterns. One effective method is to engage in visualization exercises, such as considering the worst-case scenario and then comparing it to our current situation. This can help put things in perspective and bring a sense of calm. Overall, focusing on gratitude and mindfulness can lead to greater happiness and well-being.

    • Appreciating the worst-case scenario and implementing small habitsFocusing on worst-case scenarios can help us appreciate the present and motivate action. Small habits and routines can boost productivity and overall success.

      Focusing on the worst-case scenario, or the "what ifs," can actually help us appreciate our current situation and motivate us to take action. This concept, known as "reframing the worst," can be particularly useful when faced with challenging circumstances. Additionally, implementing small habits or routines, such as sleeping in workout clothes or doing the hardest task first thing in the morning, can significantly boost productivity and overall success. This idea is explored in various books, including "Eat That Frog" by Brian Tracy and "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. By embracing these strategies, we can transform our mindset and make the most of each day.

    • Focusing on direction instead of destinationStaying focused on the direction of weight loss, rather than a specific goal weight, can help prevent demotivation and keep us moving forward in personal and professional goals. Taking action and staying in motion, recognizing past experiences as opportunities, and staying open to new possibilities can help us achieve success.

      Focusing on a direction rather than a specific destination can help prevent demotivation and keep you moving forward in both personal and professional goals. The speaker shares his experience of losing weight by focusing on the direction of weight loss rather than a specific goal weight, which helped him avoid feeling demotivated when progress was slow. This principle also applies to business and other areas of life. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking action and staying in motion, as something in motion tends to stay in motion, while something stagnant stays stagnant. Additionally, the speaker discusses the importance of recognizing how past experiences, even those that seemed negative at the time, can lead to positive outcomes in the future. By focusing on the direction rather than the destination, we can stay motivated and open to new opportunities.

    • Understanding life's events in retrospectSurround yourself with trusted advisors for informed decisions, as life's events are only fully understood in hindsight.

      Life's events, whether seemingly good or bad, are often only understood in retrospect. The Chinese Farmer story illustrates this concept, as the farmer doesn't know if his son's broken leg is a blessing or a curse at the moment. People often try to protect us from failure, but their motivations are not always clear, and their advice may be based on their own inexperience. It's crucial to surround ourselves with a "bold of directors" – a trusted group of people who have the right reasons, experience, and desire to see us succeed. This group can provide valuable guidance and help us make informed decisions, as opposed to seeking advice from those who may not have the necessary experience or understanding. Ultimately, life's twists and turns can only be fully comprehended when we look back on them with the benefit of hindsight.

    • Unexpected opportunities from being bold and curiousBeing open to communication and taking risks can lead to unexpected opportunities. Trusting the advice of experienced individuals and pursuing new experiences can result in significant rewards.

      Being bold and curious can lead to unexpected opportunities. The story shared highlights the importance of trusting the advice of experienced individuals and being open to communication, even when it comes in an unconventional way. The speaker shared examples from her own life, such as receiving an email meant for someone else and turning it into a job opportunity at Forbes. This incident, which most people would have dismissed, was a result of her curiosity and boldness in reaching out to the sender and proposing an idea. The conversation underscores the idea that taking risks and being open to new experiences can lead to significant rewards. Additionally, the speaker emphasized the role of mentors, like Gary Vaynerchuk, who encouraged her to pursue digital media at a time when it was not yet mainstream.

    • Embrace ignorance and take bold actionNaivety can lead to unexpected opportunities. Don't let lack of experience deter you from trying new things.

      Naivety and audacity can lead to unexpected opportunities. The speaker shared her experience of pitching an idea to Forbes' editor despite her lack of experience, and the article she wrote ended up being the most viewed that week. This incident opened doors for her that she wouldn't have had otherwise. The speaker also emphasized the power of naivety, suggesting that not knowing the potential obstacles can help us take action without being deterred. She encourages us to embrace our ignorance and try new things, even if we don't fully understand what we're getting into. The speaker's story is a reminder that sometimes, the most significant opportunities come from taking a leap of faith and being bold, even when we're not entirely sure of the outcome.

    • Curiosity and boldness lead to disruptive successBeing inexperienced doesn't hinder success when one is curious and bold, as shown by Jewel and Sir Richard Branson's stories. Carve out unique opportunities and don't let circumstances be a barrier.

      Being curious and bold can lead to disruptive success, even in industries where one may be inexperienced. Jewel's story is a great example of this, as she refused to accept a one-sided contract and instead created a more beneficial one for herself. Sir Richard Branson also embodies this trait with his audacious ventures, such as starting a rocket company. The least experienced individuals often succeed because they're not hindered by the fear of not knowing. As for the speaker, they've found success by carving out a unique niche, training celebrities for music tours, despite having no formal background in fitness or nutrition. It's essential to create opportunities and not let circumstances be a stop sign. The speaker's entire career is a testament to this philosophy.

    • Believing in oneself and seizing opportunitiesEmbrace the unexpected, believe in yourself, and persist to turn disparate skills into a successful career.

      Having the audacity to pursue opportunities, even when it seems like a long shot, can lead to unexpected successes. The speaker shares her experience of starting as a personal trainer for musicians, despite having no prior experience or connections. She persisted and eventually landed the opportunity, which led to a thriving fitness business and career. The story highlights the importance of believing in oneself, leaning into strengths, and being open to new experiences. The speaker's diverse background and skills may have seemed disparate, but she turned them into a catalyst for something special. The story also illustrates the value of persistence and seizing opportunities, even if they seem unconventional or unlikely. The speaker's journey serves as an inspiration to embrace the unexpected and turn seemingly random experiences into something meaningful.

    • Braving the cold to meet Keanu ReevesDetermination and persistence can lead to unexpected opportunities. Approach potential connections boldly and be prepared for a little luck.

      Determination and persistence can lead to unexpected opportunities. The speaker's story illustrates how she approached Keanu Reeves with a unique request, despite being met with skepticism from those around her. She braved the cold weather and waited for him to leave the theater, and when she finally got his attention, she explained her situation and left him her phone number. To her surprise, he called her back and agreed to help her make a demo tape for an audition. The experience was a turning point for her, even if she ultimately didn't get the job. The story serves as a reminder that sometimes, all it takes is a bold approach and a little bit of luck to make a connection that can lead to new opportunities.

    • The importance of boldnessBeing bold and taking risks, even if unsuccessful, is crucial for personal growth. Observe life, experiment, and make progress.

      Being bold and taking risks, even if you don't get the desired outcome, is more important than being smart or talented. The speaker shares a personal story about missing out on a job opportunity but learning a valuable lesson about the importance of boldness. Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, also emphasizes the importance of understanding human motivations and making improvements in our lives. He encourages listeners to observe their own lives, experiment with new things, and try to make progress. Ultimately, the speaker's story highlights the importance of taking risks and learning from experiences, rather than being held back by fear or doubt.

    • Story of an individual who failed to show up on time for an interview with Kobe Bryant and the importance of clear communication and accountabilityBe upfront about any issues or delays, rather than making excuses or misrepresenting the truth to maintain trust and respect in relationships and build a culture of transparency and reliability.

      Sometimes people may not live up to expectations or make mistakes, but it's essential to communicate openly and honestly about it. A story was shared about an individual who failed to show up on time for a highly anticipated interview with Kobe Bryant, leaving the team in a bind. Initially, the individual claimed to be sick, but later admitted to being distracted by his phone. While the incident caused inconvenience, the individual owned up to his mistake and apologized. This incident underscores the importance of clear communication and accountability, especially in professional settings. It's always better to be upfront about any issues or delays, rather than making excuses or misrepresenting the truth. This not only helps maintain trust and respect in relationships but also builds a culture of transparency and reliability.

    • Unexpected Outcomes from Difficult DecisionsSometimes making tough choices leads to surprising results. Nordstrom Rack offers great deals on Mother's Day gifts, allowing you to treat mom to something special for just $30.

      Sometimes making difficult decisions can lead to unexpected outcomes. The speaker shares a story about setting up a friend with a cost-effective solution, which turned out to be a classic experience for her. However, the main focus of the conversation shifts to an invitation to shop at Nordstrom Rack for Mother's Day gifts. The speaker emphasizes the great deals and brands available, making it an excellent opportunity to treat mom to something special for just $30. The conversation concludes with a reminder that life is full of choices, and while there may be many options, it's essential to appreciate the unique experiences that stand out like a juicy chicken sandwich or a Mcrispy detour.

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    • Good news for the lactose averse: there are many alternative sources for the nutrients found in milk. People can obtain calcium from foods like almonds, figs, kale, tofu, and sweet potatoes. By exploring these options, people can make informed dietary choices that align with their health needs and preferences.
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. If you have something you'd like us to tackle here on Skeptical Sunday, drop Jordan a line at jordan@jordanharbinger.com and let him know!
    • Connect with Michael Regilio at Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, and make sure to check out the Michael Regilio Plagues Well With Others podcast here or wherever you enjoy listening to fine podcasts!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1013

    This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/deals 

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!

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    1012: Pal's Husband Eyes Your OnlyFans on the Sly | Feedback Friday

    1012: Pal's Husband Eyes Your OnlyFans on the Sly | Feedback Friday

    You found out your friend's husband is subscribing to your OnlyFans. Should you tell her and potentially destroy their marriage? Welcome to Feedback Friday!

    And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in!

    On This Week's Feedback Friday:

    • If you're ever in San Diego, you have to check out the Zoo!
    • You discovered that your friend's new husband has been secretly subscribing to your OnlyFans account, sending you money and sharing his wildest fantasies. Your friend doesn't know, and you're torn about whether to tell her. What's the right thing to do in this delicate situation?
    • Your relationship with your mother has been toxic since childhood, marked by her alcoholism and unresolved trauma. Now, you're considering distancing yourself from her, but you don't want to jeopardize your close relationship with your father. How can you maintain a strong bond with your dad while setting boundaries with your mom?
    • You had an amazing trip to Italy and want to learn the language by next year. What's the most effective way to learn Italian quickly? How can you immerse yourself in the language and culture to achieve your goal?
    • You've worked in adoption and foster care for 16 years and have exciting ideas for entrepreneurial ventures to help others, but you're struggling to narrow down your options. How can you determine which idea to pursue and where to start?
    • You recently adopted a baby girl and are considering starting a business creating adoption profile books, inspired by your own successful experience. However, you're hesitant to leave your high-paying job. Should you take the risk and pursue this entrepreneurial path?
    • Your brother, once your best friend, has become extremely isolated and obsessed with COVID-19 precautions, cutting off family and friends. He's even refusing to visit for important events. How can you help him and salvage your relationship?
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
    • Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1012

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