68: Jamie and Sophie sleep in SEPARATE BEDS

on the menu today we have we've got me talking about being an auntie and they get a little bit emotional we are in LA baby and it's really exciting would you have a move here we talk about that we also have some amazing listeners messages and of course we have soapy's dictionary corner enjoy the episode here we bloody go everybody

Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And we'd be married for a whole year. One whole year. And a lifetime to go. That's right. Let's go, baby. Well, welcome back to newlyweds. Welcome back to newlyweds. Oh, wait, hang on. Well, welcome back to newlyweds. Oh, well... No, you don't always have to copy me. No, it doesn't. Let me do it on my own. Welcome back to newlyweds.

These headphones that I'm wearing are so much better than the ones in England that I now think I might be a singer. Let me just try and get this pitch perfect. You ready for this? Well...

Just let me just do it. I think you were so tired of us trying to sing every one of us. I'm sick to death alone. I don't care. I want to sing at the top of the episodes. Here I go. Ready? Welcome back to Mr. Blobby. Welcome. I had a dream last night. Mr. Blobby, I don't know what he looks like, but this is what I pitch him looking like you right now. Mr. Blobby is pink response to them. You're giving pink. That's maybe where it comes on. Do you remember this morning at 3am? I went, you look quite pink.

Oh, guys, hello, welcome back to newlyweds. Obviously, we are currently shooting in Los Angeles in LA, baby, Tinseltown. It's not quite in La-la-la. Tinseltown. And so the reason we came out here.

is because we are coming to an amazing Spotify event, and also we were gonna shoot with, we're shooting with some really cool, amazing big guests. However, all the guests have cancelled. So it's just us shooting newlyweds, but in LA. Because why not fly 10 hours to do that? Why not have jet lag and wake up at 3 a.m. to do that?

We had a guest today that's cancelled. We had some really, really big guests. They're being very kind about it, and there's actually some really big reasons why they can't come on the podcast. But at the moment, honey, it's just you and I. We've flown up to LA early just because we thought it'd be fun. Yesterday, we spent the day just doing everything. We took Ubers everywhere. We went to basically Malibu and back.

And we went to a farmer's market. We went to a farmer's market. And it was cold. Yeah, and it was cold. And we also went walking up Runyon Canyon, didn't we? We were walking up Runyon Canyon. We woke up, we've been waking up at like 3.30. So we're getting a lot ground in the day. What are your thoughts on LA to begin with? Truthfully. Yeah, give me it, go on.

It's a little bit lonely. Like there's no one on the street. So I'm like, hello. I feel, you know, in between Christmas and New Year's Eve, like London is a ghost town. Like no one's out. And LA feels like that. Like I don't know where people are. I don't know where they eat. I don't know if we're like not going to the right places. Like I don't see anyone. I reckon I could go a whole day and just see you. You're the only face I could see.

I don't know where everyone's hiding. I don't see Kendall Janna, I don't see Hillary, I don't see anyone. Why would they be walking on the streets? Well, they seem to be walking on the streets all the time on TikTok. Justin Bieber's cruising around LA. No, he's not. Yes, he is. And the paps are like...

He's not definitely going down the wrong glazes. Well, he's only been here a day. It feels like a lifetime. I'm so tired of the lyrics. I keep having, I'm having coffees, so many coffees. I can't even string a sentence together.

We, guys, the jet lag in LA is eight hours behind. So we have been waking up every hour on the hour throughout the entire night. We went to bed, went to bed at 8 p.m. and I woke up at 12 a.m., fully awake. And then mine was better, went to bed at 8 p.m. Eyes open at 10 p.m. I was like, morning, oh my God, I've been asleep two hours. I was like, it has to be morning.

Yeah, it's shocking. But the best thing is we've got two beds and we're having a wonderful time with them. The point is, you're saying that we've booked a hotel room, we got to the hotel room and we came into the room and there are two single beds, two single beds with a, there's two single beds with a sort of chest of drawings. It was like a side table in the middle. And we've fucked me, it's lovely. Never going back. Best might leave ever.

I can move without you breathing down my neck like the dragon you are. I can sprawl my legs across. I sleep completely diagonally. As heaven. I went down to change it and you were like, no, don't do it. You literally turned and went, don't do it. We could bless. Jamie then turned to me and was like, we should really think about this in the new house. I don't know that's a step too far.

Actually, we went out for dinner on the very first night and so if you fell in love with the waiter.

Even even though you think about that waiter that she just said you honestly know you are like thinking about the way to you're totally obsessed with him case we went to a place called Laurel Hardware my gap to go back there I need to go back and maybe we'll ask for a photo just so I can put up to the list he was just Incredibly good looking and I thought wow you don't get waiters like that in London he kept touching my arm I know Jamie said I think he's enough of me

I truly think he was in love with me. I saw him touch the other person's arm on the next table. Everyone's very friendly, a la la.

Yeah, they're way more friendly than London, for sure. But then there's not many of them around. Like, I don't know why they hide in the day. It feels like they all come out a night. No, honey, the whole point of Los Angeles, this is what you have to realise. I'm like, I've been here. I know it. Well, you don't seem to know it because when we went to the restaurant last night and you were like, excuse me, sir. What was this restaurant called? Like a couple of years ago? And he was like, it's been this name for 10 years, a decade. And you were like, Oh,

I've been to that restaurant before. It's called... It was probably called Isabelle then. No, but I've been to LA. I understand LA. I get it. I get it. You don't get it. Oh, you give me the air. You don't get it. I'm not trying to get it. You are... I understand it. So you're expecting to see people walk on the streets and you're expecting people to like... That doesn't happen in LA. Everyone drives everyone. No one walks on the streets. Where are they? No one's in the shops.

No one. And there's no one around. I'm like, hello. What are your best things about LA so far? Airwon. Explain what airwon is. Airwon, for those who don't know, is like a whole feuds on crack. For those who don't know, it is like the best supermarket you're ever going to go to. It is so painfully expensive, but just so unbelievably exciting. Every single piece of nuts and grains and every healthy food is all organic and all delicious.

So Air One, I couldn't believe this in Air One by the way. This was shocking and I have to put it out there because it's the most wild thing in the world. We're with our great friend Willis who's sitting in the corner over there. He also helps you do all of your beautiful hair all the time. He went and bought a smoothie from Air One, $20.

Hayley be a smoothie. Hayley be a smoothie, twenty dollars. That is shocking. It's crazy that. It was so good. And can we say how much you spent in air one? If you want to make us really relatable. This is what I'm just a standard. I'm completely confused that people can spend this much in a supermarket.

and call me to go back. Honey, we got, we went in there, we bought some crisps, we bought some sushi, we bought a sandwich. The cris were the best tortilla chips I've ever had in my entire life, ever. Well anyway, we went and bought some vitamins, we bought some food, we bought different things. The whole bill from this place called Air One, $244. One of the funniest things that happened to us so far is that we were walking down the street on our very first night. Sophie turns to the right and says, oh my God, it's Joey Essex.

So I turned to the right and Joey is sitting in a cafe on the side of the road in LA. We looked shocked him. He looked shocked at us. And so I was like, Joey, hi. And he was like, what are you guys doing here? I was like, dad, it's like work, man. Just like.

I wanted to sound really busy to him and I was like, I'm just doing some work and stuff. But that was weird to see. That was the first person we saw. Yeah, that was really funny. That was a little slice of home. Yeah, literally the first person we saw was Jerry Essex. So I wonder what, maybe I'll call him up and ask him what he does. Like, where are the places to go? You should be asking him where we're going to be like, what does he do every day? Well, I think people work out. They go to the gym, they go hiking up running in Canada like we did. They go and eat and have lunch and do all those sorts of things. That's what normally happens. Jamie thought the air was faker.

No, the air is different. I can feel it. The air is like much lighter and it's like different. Yeah, because we live in smoke in London. What does it feel like to be an auntie? The best thing about I genuinely love her so much. It's genuinely weirded me out how much I love her. Like, I can't, I can't wait to get back to England and go see her. Honestly, I know this sounds actually so weird and people are going to be like, yeah, yeah. I love her more than anything in the world. I genuinely

I can't, I could cry thinking, I cry, didn't I? You're actually tearing up. Like, didn't I sit on the loo? Why are you tearing up? I don't know because I love her so hard. Sorry, you actually are. I'm not even joking. If someone can see this, you're tearing up talking about your little niece. Genuinely. Genuinely. I cried because I'm not going to see her for a week. I love her so much. She's the cutest baby I've ever seen in my entire life. She's just heaven, heaven.

Oh, so cute. And I'm just so happy for them. It's just wonderful. What does it make you feel? Does it make you excited for all of that? Yeah. She's just so cute. Really? Yeah, you haven't held her yet. You need to get into the groove with her. Yeah, but because I've been told now, which I had no idea about, that apparently you can't kiss newborns. No, well, not strangers. Well, like people do, I guess, but...

I didn't realise that you couldn't get me wrong. Jamie can stomping in on day one about to go kiss her on the head. I was like, I don't think you should do that. But can you just explain this wrong? Well, I don't know, everyone's different. I don't think Georgia wants, like, everyone to just kiss her with, like, all of my germs. But you said to me there is a thing with newborns that apparently you can't kiss newborns. Well, I think the parents, the parents can.

OK, but strangers go. Yeah, because I guess we're like, we have jams and they have like not very big immune systems at that point. So maybe it's just like our best thing and just to keep them healthy and clean and not getting any of your filthy, filthy jams, your filthy little bagger.

You FaceTime Georgia sister every day to see the little girl, and she looks so adorable. And I don't think George will mind saying this, but Georgia's bosoms have... Every time I FaceTime her, the baby's breastfeeding. She's like breastfeeding just the whole time, basically. So she's constantly on her boob. And George is just like, here she is with her huge honking tits. And Jamie's always like, oh, hello. Boobs? Her boob is one of the biggest boobs I've ever seen in my life. George, she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she thinks she

She said she looked, she went, she came back in, she didn't like pumped or whatever you do. She was like, they were colossal.

Is that what happens to your news that they go that big well apparently they go absolutely enormous i've never seen anything like him and what can we can we mention the fact that they have their little baby cat i got a baby monitor and it like takes it like records them and georgia says that all this recording she's wearing these sort of like disposable pants is quite tma but you know we're here for it.

And she's just getting up in the night and it's just like going to the luke or checking on the baby and it's just like films are with a huge artist. Spanish gets out of this bag and white. And it just feels George with these huge boobs just going to be really primal and animalistic. And then I also Barry, husband, Barney, just build him.

Arabella to bed and then you see him lie down and then five minutes later you just see him get up but naked go and check on her and like for five minutes just check if she's breathing like putting his head on her jazz like that's the nerve wracking thing about having kids that you just you're so scared because you're so new to it you don't even understand what's going on the whole time.

Well, I think so, but I've, I'm like really so pleasantly surprised at how like they're, they're just so great. Like it feels like they know exactly what they're doing. Like they're not, you know, they're just really enjoying every moment of it. Okay. Listen, we're in LA, as we said, give me your best Los Angeles accent. Are you being here? Okay, guys, let's get into the next thing. Oh, that was so bad. We met you. Your voice is quite lazy. Why is it like lazy?

Oh, because they sound lazy. I feel like they talk about like that. No, Americans are like a beast. No, they are. Alive was not like that. They had that weeded legal over her. They're just talking like this. No, they're not. Yeah. Alive spoke like this. We met an Uber driver called Alive, and he gave us his card, and it was on a note, on a $20 note with his face on it alive, and he drives her. Was it Chevy? We made best friends with him.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome back to Sophie's Dictionary Corner. You know as a listening experience, right? Just, just, you know, you can't shut your eyes a bit. I'm falling asleep. No, as a listening experience.

How do you nag all day, every day, nag, nag, nag. It's all over here from you. If you just go straight, if you just go straight into. Yeah, but let me know. Yeah, because I give you that. I give you the ability for me to give it a statement and then for you to explain to the listeners. And that's how we roll, honey.

Okay, but you have to explain what you're about to do. Okay, I will. Listeners, if you've ever listened before, I do a game called Sophie's Dictionary Corner where I say words and sentences and Jamie tries to understand what they are. And if you haven't listened before, I hope you understand and engage that addiction corner is probably what I just said. Yeah, that's a good explanation. So it's now your dictionary corner. And what is it today, sister? It is postponed.

postponed. Post boned. Post boned. Yeah. I'm so confused again. If I'm confused, I can't even imagine what the listener's thinking. Oh my god, well then you're, you're dumb actually. Because post boned is the word, the dictionary. And you need to tell me what you think it means. It's a sexual. Okay, you haven't told me that.

You know it is every week. No, I don't know that. You've changed it all the time. No, I don't. It's never changed. It's always a sexual. So this is a sexual word. It's used to explain sexual things.

OK, so this is post-boned. Yeah. Post-boned. Well, it's after having sex. So you're when you wash yourself? When someone is running late because of a sexual encounter. Sorry, I'm post-boned. We've got another one. Oh, God. Felching. Oh, my God. Are you actually fucking joking? Felching.

I know what felching is. What? I know what this is. Why do you know what that is? Because it's like a famous word that people, like people generally know what felching is. Oh, you're disgusting. No. Why is it falched? I've never falched before. No. Felching is where you orgasm into someone's butthole and then suck it out with a straw.

Yeah. Fouching is when you sip, sip, guys. Why would you sip? You sip your cum out of your partner's anus after having anal sex, normally using a straw. So you get your pooey cum and you go, mmm, mmm, mmm, I want to try it. Truffle vassa, it's what it's called. That is absolutely disgusting. And then you get a straw and you slurp it up.

My friend said to me once that he likes to go down there, and he said it's fine, you just have to get through the bum vinegar. He said it's like... He likes to rim. Yeah, he said it's like licking a battery. What? He's like metal. Why would a bum hold it? He's like metal. That's way better than I thought it tastes like bum vinegar. I wouldn't imagine what he says. It's like a metallic thing. It's like stinging.

How would you know? Yes, that's just notoriously what it's like. Oh, belching. Have you ever looked? Have you ever looked to anyone about? No. Why are you asking me that? And your wife? Who ever belches, please write in, because I just want to know and write in like a biography about yourself, because I want to know the caliber of people who are belching. Because there's going to be a certain type of person who wants to slurp up their calm that's mixed in with some poop.

If you were on a date and someone did that, and then for whatever reason, you ended up doing that. And then they said they put it and they put it on a little straw. And they poked it through my bum hole. I would literally clench so hard they would eat the straw. I'd clench so hard it would just suck up into me. I'd be like, yeah, away from me. Oh, what would you do? If someone was belching me. Yeah. I don't think that would be possible. I don't think so.

What is possible? I don't think it's possible, yeah, but I don't think it's... Oh God, right, okay, that's the end of Sophie's dictionary corner. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for the time of day where we like to cool listeners' messages. It's time for... Listening messages!

Well hello everyone, welcome to Listener's Messages. Hello everyone. You look really pretty. Thank you. You look really handsome. I feel like you've been quite LA now towards me. Like you're being like... What night is it? You've known on a deeper level.

Why, you do look really pretty. You look really handsome. What's going on? Are we playing role play? I don't understand. You know, LA's like surface level, supposedly. We're knowing it actually goes to a deeper level. So when I was like to you, I was like, you look really pretty, your response was like, oh, you look really handsome. It was like surface. Right, surface boy. All right, you ready for this? Here we go. OK, this is Lissa's message from Jess. OK, Jess. All right, Jessi. All right, Jessi, Jay. You good, Jess? No, come on. No, you come on. I don't know what's going on with you.

Okay, it's from Jess. Come on, Jesse, yay. My partner and I were renovating our bathroom and decided to treat ourselves to a luxury toilet, which not only had a heated seat, but also an in-built bibette, the full works.

We were so excited for our perfect poo palace to be complete. To save some money after the expensive toilet purchase, we decided to save on the cost of a plumber and have my partner install the new toilet himself. Initially everything seems to be working fine. Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, I'm in the bathroom dropping the kids off. And all of a sudden I hear a weird gurgling noise. At first I think it's the plumbing. But then I start noticing some water trickling out from under the toilet.

I go to flush and realise something is very strong. The water in the bowl is slowly rising and before I can even react it's just overflows but not just with water. Oh no. Oh no. Somehow the toilet is now throwing up a mix of water and what I only can describe as horrific sewage found and straight out of the toilet. Panicking I try to stop the flood but I slip and land knee deep in a literal pile of my own poop. Oh no.

As I'm trying to scramble out of the mess, I accidentally kicked the bebet button. So now not only do I have poo water all over the floor, but the bebet is shooting water directly all over me.

This can't be real. That's like the most chaotic moment in the end. How is that? That can't be. That's horrific. My partner comes and see what the hell's going on. He takes one look at the horror show in front of him and all he can do is laugh so hard he can't breathe. A word to the wise, never trust a fancy toilet and definitely never die DIY your plumber. There's no ways that can be right.

Course that can happen. Are you serious? The toilet gets broken, it spills over, the poop's in there, the sewer's just coming out. She hits a bottle and it spouts on her face. Have you ever been locked in the bathroom? Yes. I have as well. It's the scariest thing of my entire life when I was younger. Me too. No, no, mine was so scary. Mine was so scary I smashed a window. No, not that, but have you ever been locked in that you can't? Well, you can't get out of here, a scout. Where were you locked in?

At some point, I think at school and it was like assembly and I was meant to be in there. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to get so much trouble. I couldn't open the door. I remember I had it when I was in Club Med. I was locked in the bathroom and I couldn't get out and then I had to go help me. Someone helped me in a manner to come unlock it for me. Oh my God, the fear that runs through your veins. Terrifying. Terror. Terror. Right. Do you have a listener's message, honey? I do. Give it to me. We've got one from Sarah.

After a break up, I decided I was going to get some winter sun, so booked a holiday to Tenerife by myself. I was excited for the holiday, but when I got there, I suddenly started missing my ex. I was feeling a bit lonely, so I went out to a bar to get some food and have a dance. I was enjoying myself and having a good time when a married couple came over and started chatting to me.

Let's call them Jane and Joe. Okay. We were having a really good time really getting long and I was happy that I'd made friends on my solo holiday. Things started to get a bit frisky when Jane and Joe started snogging right in front of me. I felt a bit awkward and didn't know where to look and then they asked me if I wanted to join in.

Before I knew it, we were all snogging. I'd been with my ex for 10 years, so it was all very exciting, but I'd never done anything like it before. Is the ex there as well? No, I don't know why she keeps practicing the ex. The ex at home, she's an ex. Things escalated, and they asked me whether I wanted to come back to the hotel, and I said yes. We had a wild threesome into the early hours of the morning. Although the night before had been fun, I'm normally a bit of an awkward person, so I snuck out to avoid any awkward chat.

However, things got even more good when I was boarding the plane home, and who do I see in the two seats next to me? That's right, Jane and Joe. I wanted to die. We smiled at each other, but he didn't say a word for the rest of the flight. I think that has put me off ever having a threesome again. I'm also now back with my axe, and he has no idea what a wild time I had when I was single.

That is a little wild. Have you ever been in a situation where you thought, hold on a second, this is going to be a threesome or a foursome? I've had a situation where a couple, I think, will try to have threesome with anyone. Give me this. Oh, my God. Give me the scenario. Don't know where the people are. No, come on. You've got to give me the scenario. No, I can't. You've got to give me. I really can't, but I just remember thinking. No, go on. Give me the scenario. No, I really don't want to do.

Anyone who can't see, she's doing like a wrap-up sign. Wrap up, wrap up, move on. Scaddy Cat, Jamie. I won't ask anyone, but were you by yourself? No, I wasn't. I was like at a party. You're at a party and you're in a relationship, you're always in a relationship. No, single. Oh my God. And they were like, come on.

Kind of, but I first I thought it was Jake, and then I was like, hang on a second, being there, Jake. What the hell? Yeah. You would have got so awkward. I was so awkward. I was frozen. I was actually like lying on one of their knees on like a sofa. It was like bad situation, bad situation. You don't seem frisky at all. You're frisky at all. You don't know. I was innocent as pie. I like shuffled off and was like, oops, and then did a Houdini left.

View, threesome lad. I've had a threesome before. Oh yeah, he bit. Do you guys want boy or? Do you know what? I'm not going to tell you. I know exactly. No, you don't. You don't know this. No, you don't. No, you don't. Yeah, I do. You can't say his name. You can't say his name, but you're joking. That's it. You've got his whole name wrong. You've got his whole name wrong. You can't.

Then you can't, it was... Be about the name, but that's right, correct, right? Oh, I know, another person. And I actually, oh my God, this is funny, guys, this funny, this is a good story. I'm gonna tell that from. Oh, give it to me. We're in Soho House. Okay, who is we? Why is it? You, me, some of my friends on the night out, I am talking to you and we are, I think we were like at the top of the stairs and this girl comes over and she's like, hey,

And you're like, hey, and I'm like, hey. And she's like pretty punchy. And you obviously don't recognize her or you're like pretending you don't. I don't know. And she goes, do you not remember me? And I'm there. And you go, no. And she goes, well, I had a threesome with you and this boy. And I slipped there. And I'm like, hi, nice to meet you. I'm his wife. And that's how I know you had a threesome with that particular person. Thank you very much. Remember that time?

Why do you think they call it? Well, because I don't really have anything to respond to. I should get a hand. Is that really nice, me? I'm safey. Did you really? That's why.

So you've never had a threesome? Why are you so caught? Well because I didn't know what to say to that. I've never had a threesome, maybe ridiculous. Have you ever had a three-way snog? No, I don't know how that would happen. You've got to have really small noses to be able to have a three-way snog. Did you not used to play like spin the bottle or anything when you were younger? Yeah, all the time. Yeah, exactly. Did you not do a three-way-spuzz snog and spin the bottle? Probably at one point in my life. Go on, girl. Who is it with? Oh, God, I don't know, boy. Probably like some people in Spain. You had it all my first in Spain.

Really? So you'd play spin the bottle on the beach? Yeah, no, it was on like pavement outside like my dad's house. That is classy. I know. And what you used to spin a bottle, what? Spin like a bottle, I think, a water bottle and spin it. I remember like boys, like, you know, when they touch your bum, like just a hand on the bum and I'd be like, whoo-hoo. Sorry, what explainers? What do you mean? I remember like, occasionally you got to the age where like boys would like, like, graze your bum with their hands. On purpose? Yes, and it was the most exciting thing in the world.

I remember the first thong I ever saw and I thought it was honestly the most exciting thing in my entire life. I was 11. Well there you go. You remember that? I remember a boy's hand in my bum. I love it. I have another story for you. You ready for this? It's from Anonymous.

One night, my current partner and I went out for a few drinks with friends. Over the course of the evening, my girlfriend started to get drunk. After getting home safely despite a couple of throw ups along the way, I made a cup of tea and went to bed, making sure to leave a sick bowl on her side of the bed just in case.

We heard her dog coming in to check on her throughout the night and didn't think much of it. The next morning I was woken by my girlfriend saying, why is there poo on the floor? Obviously my first assumption was that the dog had maybe had an accident during the night. However, once I got up and expected the scene, it became clear that the dog was not capable of producing a poo that size. It was in that moment that we both realised my girlfriend

had woken up during the night, squatted down and pooed on the floor. God love her. I mean, honestly, these stories being sent in. What do you do if you woke up and that was a big fat shit? How'd you do if he loves his head home? Gran or home on the bedroom club? Because he's not angry. Because he's naughty. What would he do if you woke up and those big fat shit on the side of that? And it was me. I

I don't know what I would do. I'd be like, you're right. Like... If you did that, it might be time to call a lawyer. Forget a divorce. I'd be so revolved.

I don't get that. What are you laughing at? You're so distracted. I'm not distracted. You're not listening to one thing. I'm listening to what you're saying. Well, you're thinking about like what you've got to eat toward a night or something. No, what you're saying is that if you, if you would divorce me, if you woke up in the pool, I get what you're saying. But I don't, I, that would be very weird if you did that. If I woke up in the morning and that happened, I'd be like, yes, Jamie, it would be very weird if anyone did that. I'm thinking about how you'd pick it up.

Did I ever tell you the story of what happened with me in LA? That's what I was thinking, should I tell you? Please. I can't really learn telling my wife the story, but I'll tell you the story anyway. Why if you're telling a hundred or thousand people?

When I was in L.A. last time, this was a good like eight years ago or whatever it was. We were filming out in Los Angeles and I was sharing it. Are you calling it Los Angeles? L.A., okay, fine. And we were filming with... M.I.C. and some friends and I was living in a house with a great friend of mine, Josh Paterson.

And anyway, it was one night where, you know, we were young, we were promiscuous, we were doing whatever. And I hooked up where they go and shared the bed with her. And we, you know, she stayed the night. Well, I don't know. I can't listen. I'm just going to leave it like that, leave it to mystery. One of the guys in the house that we leave me thought it was a funny idea that he... No. That's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. He went and pooed a little bit on a piece of tissue.

And then came into my room where we were obviously sleeping and put it on the bedside table next to me. Then when we both woke up in the morning, me and this girl, she looked to the left and just saw a poo. On my bedside table. And I went, I don't know where that's come from. And I swear to God, I swear to God. Why would you do that?

I don't know. Oh my god, he's so weird. And I was like, I don't know where this poo is coming. She said, is that yours? And I went, I don't think I've pooed on a piece of paper and put it. Anyway, she obviously found me incredibly weird and bit old because that was there. So she then left. And I came out and said, guys, there was this thing here. And one of my friends just started laughing saying it was him.

That's so weird. I think there's something missing to that story. There's nothing missing. I promise you that's the truth. There's no way anyone would do that. That's like psychopath behavior. So do you have any more for us? I do. I've got love. I love story from anonymous. Love. Make it lovely. At the age of 17, I lost my dad to suicide. He fought for our country in the army for 25 years. When he died, it left me with really little hope that I would ever find happiness in my life will be able to get close to enough to spend my life with somebody.

Fast forward to 22, I was a manager at a large restaurant chain and a gas engineer who did a lot of work for us, really caught my eye. About a year and a half of me gushing over him whenever he came in, he asked me on a date. Although I really fancied him, he's 15 years older than me and has children, so I was a bit hesitant. Safe to say after the first date, we had,

We were inseparable. He was quite sure he never wanted to get married because he was scared of separation, but this was important for me at some point in my life. But I just had this feeling we would be together forever and I knew he would break down these walls. My family absolutely loved him and the kids are like my mum's own grandchildren.

Fast forward three years, his youngest lives with us, and on the 25th of August, we were on a much needed night away. When we went out for dinner, he had the hotel staff set up, will you marry me in red roses? I couldn't believe it. I honestly never thought this could be my life that I would have. I've never felt so loved. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him and our family. He's not just the love of my life. He's my best friend, someone who I can take the piss out of and show my tree self, a bit like you two.

Although my dad is no longer here, I know he is looking down and would love my fiance. The hardest part will be him not walking me down the aisle, but I will find my own way to have him there on the day. Hopefully we're lucky enough to have our own child one day and I cannot wait. Oh, congratulations. It was so happy for you. That's amazing.

Hey, listen, if you would like to send it any stories at all, please do send them in. I want some crazy ones, people and some beautiful loved ones just like that one. You can send it into a newlyweds podcast on Instagram or you can slide into it. Are you yawning at me?

You look like a horse. He's trying to eat something you would like to try. Anyway, please send us an email at newlyweds.com.uk. Everything is in the show description. We would love to hear from you. That's the end of...

We wanted to give you a renovation update, baby. That's what we wanted to do. Now, we, this sounds bizarre, but everything is going slightly to plan, which is exciting. It's going really to plan. Apart from having a big fight over marble.

We were having quite a mild, subtle marble. It was kind of creamy white with like very, very mild pale veins running through it. Jamie's decided that he really hates white and he doesn't want anything white in the kitchen.

So now, this is for our kitchen, like counter. We're now having to look at different types of marble, but I now just don't know where I am. I don't know if I'm coming or going, to be honest. So I thought a really fun idea would be to ask the listeners for help.

I really thought this would be a fun idea. So what I want to do is I'm going to post it. We're going to post the different little slabs, these tiny little things of marble onto our Instagram and do a little poll to see who likes which one the most and then we're going to pick that one. What do you think about that sister? We can give it a go. Why? You don't want to do it that way.

or I don't know if everyone plays the one they don't want, I'm still not going to pick it. So we're going to do it. So it's going to be on our social media so you can help us do a poll on which one you think is the best because that is the decision we're going to make on it. I'm really excited about the whole house at the moment. I'm so excited about the whole house. What other update can you give on the renovation, sister? Of course. Savage blister, everyone. What else can you give on the update on that?

Jamie's going to be a nightmare through it. I can just really sense it. I can really sense that you're not going to have a clue what's going on. And then what I'm going to get is we're going to make decisions. You're not going to be present. So you will just go, yeah, yeah. And then the, the floor we put in and you'll be like, we're not doing that floor, aren't we? And then you're going to like micro manage it. And I'm just going to put it out here. I'm not Michael, I'm not Michael, I'm not little tiny mouth of yours. I'm not going to close it up. Every time you go to speak about the house, just honey, I'm not going to micromanage anything.

Well, I think you already are, that have hence why we're in this problem with the marble. Are you joking? If we could have just gone with what I wanted, we would have had those slabs down and those slabs down long ago. Fine, forget my, why don't you just pick one just now, go and pick it? Well, I can't now, because you've thrown into spanner in my brain. It's dug in deep into my brain.

What are you? What is it? Can I ask out of the house? Because all the builders are in there, they're they're ripping apart everything. So there's all the carpets gone, all of the painters pretty much gone. The whole thing's disappeared. I'm going to start like taking photos and doing stuff, which I'm really excited about because I'm just so excited about this whole renovation. What is your room that you're most excited about?

So the room, I'm really excited about all the rooms, but I think our bathroom and the, our bathroom and the kitchen, and I think the snug. And I also think the utility room, they're my favourite rooms. Oh, really? Oh my God, the dance says Lou.

I'm really sorry. By the way, I didn't even realise this, guys, and if this is new to anyone about renovating, I didn't realise that you can pick every little thing. You can literally pick the light switch. That is mad. I didn't realise it was that intense, that you can literally go into store and pick what light switch you want in the walls, or what plugs you want. You can even pick what far alarm you want. I went round with my mum to have a look at some final touches.

And the painter said, and so next we were going to paint all the windows dark green. And I said, no, we're not. Sorry. And Jamie had gone behind my back and said, I want to paint all the doors and windows of the front of our house. Dark, rusty green. Yeah, I thought it was going to be a good color. But you didn't even can ask me. Yeah, but I didn't, I didn't think I thought it was just going to be a good color to be. But what do you think would have happened when I turned up in our whole house is green? Like come at the front.

Is it not a cool colour that dark green? It is, but I don't want it to, I want it to blend down with the rest of the street. That would really go. Because it was red, red brick, and then the outside of our windows, we're going to be a green car. I don't want that at all, but don't you think those are the things that you've got to communicate with your wife?

I'm communicating with you a lot. I promise you. The renovation is really exciting. I'm very excited for it. And also, it's now all beginning. So we're going to have loads of updates from JoJo who's helping us with interior design. We're going to have an update from our builder, Jack, which is really exciting. Everything is going to plan. We're going to be in it really soon. We're not really soon, but in a few months, which is amazing. Okay. Listen, honey, before we finish the episode, because we're in Los Angeles, I thought we should do. I like calling it Los Angeles.

I only thought we can do some American slang. All right. You can guess what it is. Okay, do it in your best American accent. All right. Dank. Dank? Oh, there's dank. Dank. Put it in a sentence for me. In the sentence. Oh, that's dank. Sophie's outfit is dank. That's sick. Yeah, you got it. One of this one. Butt hurt. Butt hurt. Butt hurt. Put it in a sentence, my butt hurt.

I'm butthurt that Jamie lies about getting his Botox. I'm dead. I'm pissed off. Yes. I'm butthurt. You want to know this one? Okay, last one for you. Post up. Post up. You want to post up? Oh, do you want to do you want to do a cigarette? No. Do you want to post up?

Do you wanna catch Ike? No, do you wanna post her? Oh, she wanna just sit right in here, like let's post her. Yeah, let's hang out, let's hang out. Let's just chill. Okay, last one, bitchin'. Fucking sick. Yeah, the newlyweds podcast was bitchin'.

All right, everybody. That is the end of our episode. We love you. We're happy and we always all be. I'm sorry that it was a little bit of a jet-lagged episode, but I hope you enjoyed it. I hope as much as we love doing it for you guys. And thank you so much for listening once again. Hey, as always, you can get in touch with us at newlywedspodcast on Instagram, where you can slide into our DMs, newlyweds at jampodproduction.co.uk. Anything you want to say to the listeners?

If you're getting married. Good luck. If you're getting engaged. Good luck. If you're doing a renovation. Go for it, baby. Pick that model. Oh, go to bed real early. We love you. And get up a little bit later. We'll see you next Monday for another episode.