Hello, and welcome to the New Mindset Who Does Podcast. My name is Casey Kenney at Case.Kenney.i. Instagram, and this is my weekly podcast where I create short, no BS episodes dedicated to helping you become the person you're meant to be. Leave your comfort zone and live a purposeful and fulfilling life. Let's go.
All right, welcome to episode 670. Hello, my friend. Welcome to a fresh new episode of New Minds At Who This. As always, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for supporting me. And today, I want to talk about being direct, being straightforward, being honest, being radically honest. That's radically honest with yourself and other people.
And I think amidst a long list of mindsets that you can potentially adopt in life that will definitely improve your life. I think this is the biggest unlock. This is the key to being happier yourself. And I think it's also the key to creating great relationships, platonic ones, business ones, romantic ones, being direct.
Being direct, it means getting out of your own way. It means refusing to live in the gray area of life, both with yourself and with other people. And I'm going to talk about one question to help you be boldly honest with yourself and with other people. But to start, I heard this clip of this psychiatrist named Dr. Anna Lembeke, and basically she's talking about happy people versus unhappy people in life. And she was on the Joe Rogan podcast.
And she said the following that got me thinking about radical honesty and directness with ourselves, with ourselves as a starting point. And she said, quote, one of the things that I've noticed over the years is that a patient who comes in and tells their story in a way that blames everybody else for their problems.
That person is their fucked. Joe Rogan blurted him with that, and then she continued to say, I wouldn't say that they're definitely not going to get better because of one of the very interesting things that happens in the process is people start telling their story differently. They change the attitudes in their head as they sit down to work, realizing it's the one in the driver's seat who seems to make up our real possibilities to improve over time.
And of course, this is a nice sentiment, right? Taking responsibility, taking accountability for your life, realizing that you have the power to change and to end patterns and to stop putting up with certain things. I like that, of course, as I'm sure you do, but I really like it as a powerful point of honesty with one's self, directness with oneself.
the ability for me to say, wait a minute, in a case like, this is your fault. Let's do something about it versus everyone's out to get me. This is their fault. This is I'm just unlucky. Right. So really what I think she's referring to is being direct with yourself, being straightforward, being honest with yourself.
And I'll talk about being honest and direct with others, but I think this is the starting point. This is the cheat code. It's a cheat code because it cuts out the waiting. I think a lot of people waste years, decades, even literally stuck in patterns and accepting things and accepting good enough and accepting wrong.
Directness with yourself gives you those years back in the literal blink of an eye. In the blink of an eye, it eliminates the wrong people, the wrong paths, the wrong priorities, just like that. And of course, being direct with yourself will sting. It'll burn in a sense, but it also builds. It gets you unstuck so you can move forward. So let's talk about this.
In my experience, most people think that like directness as a topic is about other people. And when you're direct with other people, it could cost you everything. You say the wrong thing, you're a bit too honest and whoopsie daisy. In reality, sure. But in reality, I've found it's the only thing that ensures you have something real in your life.
Honestly, it might make you lose some people. It might make you uncomfortable with yourself, disappointed in yourself, but it forces you to face yourself. And that's the entire point. And unless you face yourself, you never know if what you have is real or not. Truly, people who tell the truth, honestly, not in a mean way, not in an intentionally being in an asshole way, but people tell the truth, even when it's inconvenient, even when it's unpopular,
These are people who don't ever have to perform. They don't have to carry the anxiety of wondering if they're facade that they've constructed for this person or that person, whether it will crack or not. They don't have to lie awake at night, replaying conversations, wondering if they said the right thing because they know they said the true thing. And I think honesty with yourself is the foundation for this. It's the foundation for everything, relationships, success, happiness, peace. But of course, it's also the hardest thing to do.
And it's a hard thing to do consistently because self deception, the opposite of being direct with yourself, self deception is really, really comfortable. Wouldn't you say so? It's, it's so easy to convince yourself you're fine when you're not. It's easy to say you're over something when in reality, it keeps you up at night. It's so easy to pretend you want what's in front of you than what would take some more effort.
Right? This is the unlock in life, distinguishing between comfortable lies and the tough but freeing truth. The lies we tell ourselves, right? The self-deception. It isn't always this blatant obvious thing. It could be subtle.
In my experience, it could even be dressed up as optimism or patience or selflessness, like good virtues. We say, this is a rough patch. This is just a rough patch, but deep down, we know we've been stuck in it for years. Or we say, oh, they didn't mean that when we know they kind of did because they keep doing it.
Or we'll say, I'll be happy when as if happiness is always just around the corner instead of something that if we acted with intention, it could be right here. We dress these things up as opations or hope or selflessness, empathy. I think the problem is most people, we're not lying to ourselves because we want to. We're doing it because the truth would require us to do something about it.
Right? Real talk, right? If you admit you're in the wrong job, well, then you should probably leave. If you admit your relationship isn't working well, you should probably leave. If you admit that your happiness isn't anyone else's fault or your lack of happiness rather, well, then you might have to change your behavior. And change is tough. Change is uncomfortable. But once you decide it's honesty and directness or nothing else in life, things become a lot simpler.
with yourself, with yourself. And I don't know about you, but I have found the people that I know that I would say that as a direct person, I think they're the happiest people. They're honest and accountable to themselves, and that builds confidence. They're honest and direct with other people, and that means they just get to be themselves. They don't have to worry about who they are, what they should say. They just get to be themselves, honest and direct.
And I want to share with you a question here that I like to come back to you from time to time or frequently rather, and it helps me make sure that I'm being direct with myself so that then it flows out into my life and relationships and business and everything in between. The question is, in these moments where I'm deciding if I'm being honest or not, I say case, if someone that you truly respected looked at your life right now,
What would they call you out on? That is the question. I ask it in first person, I say a case. If someone I truly respected looked at, looked at my life right now, what would they call me out on? I really like this question, right? Think about a person you know or who you admire and picture them answering this for you. There's something about like stepping outside of yourself for just a minute and trying this that I found can be a splash of cold water on your face.
Because reality is deep down, you probably already know. You know where, generally speaking, you're making excuses. You know where you're settling. You know where maybe you're BSing yourself. But again, it's easy to justify those things when no one's holding you accountable other than yourself.
So think about this person you admire someone who wouldn't tolerate nonsense who could think objectively who sees through excuses and they're sitting across from you What would they say? How are they gonna call you out? That's your answer the thing about honesty. I found that it's not just about ten
telling the truth, it's about being willing to hear it. And it's interesting too, because I think a lot of people love the idea. The internet is like, yeah, be direct. A lot of people love the idea of honesty when they're the ones delivering it. But when it's their turn to receive it, suddenly it becomes an attack. So directness isn't about being harsh, right? This is not what this is about. It's about being unafraid of facing reality.
And the problem is sometimes we are the problem. That is the reality we face. We are the problem. Sometimes we are the things we are the reason things aren't working. We're the ones making excuses. And it's tough. But all I know is that avoiding the truth, avoiding reality will not keep you safe. It keeps you stuck. You end up building a life and tolerating a life instead of
creating one that is fulfilling. You surround yourself with people who enable you and who instead of challenging you, you settle into mediocrity sometimes and you call it being realistic or waiting for the right moment or whatever it may be. Meanwhile, people who are honest with themselves and that emanates out,
I think they get ahead in life. It's not easy, but it's freeing because they don't waste time justifying situations, friendships, jobs, mindsets, habits that don't work. They don't sugarcoat reality. That's a good way to think about it. They see things for what they are, and that means they can change them.
And that's why it's like it's a story as old as time, right? The people who thrive in life, they're not always the smartest, they're not always the most talented, such a true statement. They're the people who refuse to lie to themselves. They look in the mirror, they call themselves out on their own BS before anyone else can.
They don't wait until they're forced to. They choose to do this proactively. They don't wait until their job becomes unbearable to admit that they should probably think about making a move. They don't wait until the relationship absolutely bottoms out to acknowledge maybe this isn't the right fit. They don't wait for like a rock bottom moment to start living differently because they're not afraid to face what's obvious before it becomes unavoidable. And I think when you live like this, amazing things happen.
Your relationship with yourself changes and your relationship with other people change. Because once you're honest with yourself, well, why would you tolerate anything but with other people? So you don't make excuses for people. You don't accept half-hearted effort or lukewarm commitment. You don't convince yourself. You don't try to convince yourself that things are fine when you know they aren't. You become the kind of person who offers compassionate honesty and you expect it in return.
You don't have to chase it. It follows you when you're this person. So that's the challenge, I think, for all of us from this episode. Ask yourself, not just like, where are you being dishonest in your life, but why? What are you afraid of? What discomfort are you avoiding? What illusion are you clinging to because it feels safer than facing reality?
And then make a decision. Life is short. Life is so, so short. We can spend it lying to ourselves, or we could spend it living. But I don't think we could do both. Living fully, at least. Radical honesty. It's not always just for big existential crisis. It's small, everyday decisions that shape your trajectory in life.
It's admitting little things like you don't want to go out tonight instead of making up a fake excuse. It's saying I'm exhausted instead of saying I'm fine. It's realizing you're on your third one last chance for you with someone who's already shown that they're not going to change. If you don't start practicing honesty in the little moments, you won't be ready for the big ones. So start small. Start small.
And also, important to point out that being direct with other people is about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. That's it. It's just cutting through fluff and speaking in a way that is direct. It's not about being rude. I think there's a big difference between being a jerk and being clear. The former makes it about hurting someone and sliding someone. The latter makes it just about being honest.
And reality check, if honesty offends someone, this might be a reflection of how much they rely on you or other people not being honest with them. I think a good rule of thumb here is just say it once and let it stand. If you find yourself over explaining and over, blah, blah, blah, you're not being direct. You're trying to control how the other person feels about what you said.
You don't need all this justification when one sentence will do. I'm not interested. This isn't working for me. I don't want that. And same with yourself. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't overcompensate with, you know, extra emojis or I'm sorry or whatever it may be. I'm the king of that. Just be direct. Confrontation is okay in life. And I think this is where we really crumble in the face of this mindset. If you need to address an issue with yourself or with others,
Don't dance around it. Don't hint. Don't imply. Don't wait for someone to just pick up on it or bring it up. If a friend keeps canceling last minute, say, Hey, I feel like I'm not a priority when you do this. If a coworker, you know, takes credit for your work, say, I want to make sure I get the credit for the work I did. If your partner keeps ignoring you and dismissing how you feel, say, Hey, I would like to feel heard. And that's not happening. Say the thing.
Rip the Band-Aid off in the same way we need to do this with ourselves. Avoiding hard conversation doesn't, with ourselves, doesn't make them disappear. It just makes you the person who has to suffer in silence now. So speak up, be direct. I really think it's the cheat code in life.
That's it on right here. I hope this was helpful. If it was, I'd be so grateful if you share the episode with a friend just send them the link Apple podcasts or the Spotify. But thank you so much for doing that. And as always, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for supporting me. And until next episode, I'm out.
