669 - Let go of the story that is NOT true (w/ Peter Crone)
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January 27, 2025
TLDR: Discusses human potential and performance with thought leader Peter Crone, focusing on self-storytelling's impact on reality while highlighting his quote 'Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you’re not free'.

In this episode of the New Mindset Who Dis podcast, host Casey Kenney engages in a profound conversation with Peter Crone, a renowned thought leader known as the "Mind Architect." The discussion centers around how the stories we tell ourselves shape our identities and realities. Here are the core insights and takeaways from the episode:
Understanding Our Stories
- Self-Identified Narratives: Crone emphasizes the powerful influence of the narratives we create about ourselves, questioning whether we are victims of external circumstances or our own perspectives.
- Example: The question arises, Are we unlovable due to our failed relationships, or do we create these relationships because we believe we are unlovable?
Deconstructing Our Identity
- Reversal of Perspective: Crone encourages listeners to look internally when examining their relationships and identity. Instead of seeing themselves as passive recipients of challenges, they should recognize their role in curating experiences.
- Powerful Questions: Engaging with oneself through reflective questions can facilitate a deeper understanding of personal narratives.
The Concept of Freedom
- Freedom Defined: Crone articulates a distinction between freedom from (escaping limitations) and freedom to (embracing possibilities). True freedom is about relinquishing limiting beliefs and identities.
- Life’s Challenges as Gifts: He posits that life presents challenges and triggers to reveal areas where individuals are not free, providing opportunities for growth.
The Role of Surrender
- Surrender vs. Apathy: Surrendering to life's flow can lead to unexpected freedom, as opposed to resigning oneself to situations out of fatigue or hopelessness.
- Authentic Surrender: Surrender comes from a place of trust rather than fear, allowing individuals to embrace new possibilities.
The Impact of Our Subconscious Mind
- Subconscious Defined: Crone clarifies that the subconscious includes narratives and codes that shape our conscious thoughts and behaviors, much like a foundation supports a house.
- Understanding Triggers: Embracing triggers is essential to personal growth; they often indicate unresolved issues or beliefs that need addressing.
Practical Applications
- Dissolving Old Narratives: Instead of merely replacing negative stories with affirmations, individuals should work on dissolving their untrue narratives entirely, allowing new empowering stories to naturally emerge.
- Engaging with Fear and Vulnerability: By addressing what triggers them, individuals can release their constraints and step into their extraordinary selves.
Conclusion
The conversation between Casey Kenney and Peter Crone highlights the necessity of confronting ingrained narratives to foster personal growth and ultimate freedom. By reframing their perspectives and embracing the discomfort that comes with triggers, listeners can begin to transcend self-imposed limitations, ultimately discovering their true potential.
Key Takeaway
The episode serves as a reminder that the stories we tell ourselves can either confine or liberate us. Choosing to let go of those that no longer serve us is the first step towards living a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Freely interacting with these themes of identity, freedom, and surrender not only encourages self-reflection but also empowers listeners to rewrite their personal narratives.
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Hello, and welcome to the New Mindset Who Does Podcast. My name is Casey Kenney at Case.Kenney.i. Instagram, and this is my weekly podcast where I create short, no BS episodes dedicated to helping you become the person you're meant to be. Leave your comfort zone and live a purposeful and fulfilling life. Let's go.
All right. Welcome to episode 669. Hello, my friend. Welcome to a fresh new episode of New Minds It Who This? As always, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for supporting me. And today, a special episode I am joined by Peter Krohn. And I'm going to have him introduce himself in a second, but you might be familiar with his work. He's referred to by many as the Mind Architect, which I think is really appropriate because Peter has this way
of helping people deconstruct and then reconstruct their mindsets, much like an architect does, I suppose, in the sense of design. And he does this by helping people identify the stories that they tell themselves. And he helps them understand which ones might be true and which ones might not be true.
And Peter really has a way with words. And as someone who thinks about words and word choice for living, it's a pleasure to sit down with someone and talk and be on the same page. Two guys sitting down using practical introspection to understand the stories we tell ourselves and how through a mindful process, we can get to the point of letting go of the stories that are not true, that are holding us back.
So I really think you're going to get a lot out of this episode specifically how to ask yourself the powerful question of are we victims of circumstance or are we victims of our own perspective? For instance, are we unlovable because of all of our failed relationships?
Clearly, right? The failed relationships mean we're unlovable or are we curating failed relationships because at some point we came to believe that we're unlovable, right? It's such a powerful question to reverse the way we think about ourselves and identity. Are we building our identity and then life happens to us? Or are we building a life from our identity?
So, lots of great ways in this episode talking about how to deconstruct how you think about yourself, the stories you tell yourself. In this episode, we talk about surrender, what it means to truly surrender in life. We talk about why life continues to throw misaligned people and circumstances your way and why Peter says,
Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. And that's a big topic of this episode. What does it mean to truly be free? What is freedom? So join me for this amazing conversation. Episode 669 with Peter Krohn.
All right. So I think a good starting point is, Peter, I've heard you referred to in a lot of different ways, which I think is great. Performance coach, spiritual leader, I saw written somewhere, someone called you a hitman for the ego, all really great stuff, all really clever stuff. I saw an interview did the other day where you said something really simple that I think is a good starting point. You said that I'm in the business of helping people see how extraordinary they are.
Yeah. Good starting point, I think. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does it mean to help people see how extraordinary they are? Beautiful start. And yes, there's been some funny monikers that I've been associated with. I think the latest one or the one of the last few years of mine architect seems to really work well. But yeah, so to help people realize how extraordinary they are is really
You know, if we want to go back thousands of years and start to pull from some of these Eastern philosophies in the yogic traditions, like namaste, right? Like the divine in me recognizes the divine in you and Christianity, you know, the kingdom of the Lord is within you, you know, within Buddhism, you know, you are Buddha. So it's really appealing to
The part of us that perhaps we're not so familiar with, and we could argue that most people have actually become oblivious to, which is our own divine limitless, boundless, timeless nature. What I'm doing to get to that is helping bring awareness to the human form that we've become misidentified with, which is based in
Limitations, feelings of inadequacy and security and scarcity, which is really these narratives of the subconscious that I help people to transcend and discover true freedom on the other side of. So it's sort of breaking out of prison and in doing so, we naturally reveal this sense of our extraordinary nature.
Yeah, it's great to hear you say that because it's interesting how we use different ways and phrases to all describe the same thing. I had Gabby Bernstein on my podcast recently and her new book was about IFS internal family systems where it talks about the different parts.
And then it talks about the self being that divine, deep, just pure sense of possibility and divinity. And that is one way to describe it, the way you just described it, the way that I would describe it. So it's interesting that we're all circling this thing.
this part of us that is free and I want to talk about freedom later. But also recently, you said something that I think would be a good entry point to get more specific on this and how do we get to that part? You were talking about what you referred to as the operating system of what it means to be human. And you talked about how the current operating system of what it means to be human does not allow you to access the extraordinary potential that is your birthright.
And you basically said that a new type of human exists that lives beyond survival and fear and constraint and disease and dysfunction. And that in a sense, we need to update our operating system. So I know you're fired up about that. I was watching some of your stories lately. And I'm like, this guy's got something to say. Let's give him a platform to say it. So what does that mean? Talk about
Obviously, operating system is kind of just an imagery for us that we can all understand. But what does that mean that? Where is our current operating system of what it means to be human? And what is this idea you have of a new type of human?
So yes, it gets me fired up for sure because I think it's the raison d'etre of what it is to be human. I think that is the opportunity in the gift that it is to be human to transcend the constraints with which we arrived. Because if you look at the primordial imperative of any mammal, particularly humans, we're focused on survival. We want to make it, right? We don't want to get in trouble with the spouse or the missus or the husband or the boyfriend or
the family. We want to not piss off the boss so we lose our sense of full security with a steady income. We don't want to get sick. We don't want to die. It's all about just trying to survive, right? But that's actually such a limited perspective to live from because then we're in an avoidant energy. We're trying to avoid something or as one of my quotes as there are most people who are trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet.
And that's what creates fear and anxiety. The brain is literally predicting based on past experiences, usually trials and tribulations, hurts and disappointments. The similar repetition of a pattern that was ultimately painful for us. And so we're now unbeknownst to ourselves perpetuating it by trying to avoid it. So that's the current operating system. It's all based in survival. And as you said, limitation, fear, suffering, disease, and you need to
only hang out at an airport or a shopping mall and look around without any judgment. And, you know, as a species, we're not exactly crushing it, right? So for me, what I tapped into through my own revelations and how I got to where I am as I recognized weight, there's an entirely new world that's available to us on the other side of these fear-based limitations. So I call it an operating system because it is based in linguistics, right? Like everybody nowadays has some usual smartphone, whether it's a
Android or an apple whatever and they get these firmware updates typically every month maybe even more than that But it's like when did we as a species actually upgrade our operating system in terms of our language You know the feeling of I'm not enough the feeling of I'm not loved the feeling that I'm not safe This is based in code and when you live in those worlds Then you have to suffer and when you suffer it has to cascade eventually into your physiology and you have to have disease and when you're coming from that place and
You can't maximize your value in the marketplace and you're not going to have passionate, like harmonious affinity-based relationships. And so once all of that languaging is updated or more accurately dissolved, right, I tell people I don't solve problems, I dissolve them. So if we dissolve the constraints that hold us back, then actually what we reveal is this magnificent expression of what it is to be truly free, living from love and pure possibility.
So that's the new operating system that I bring people to. I love that. Okay. So let's talk about constraints because this is a word you use a lot. And I think it's another great starting point. So let's consider just in my vocabulary, and then I want you to break it down. So let's consider a constraint being something holding us back, fear based trauma based, something we're bringing with us from childhood. And anxious thought that we've allowed to become our reality, right?
So these are things that in our sense are holding us back, keeping us trapped in survival mode. And I think pretty easy for people to understand, right? I guess the question for me is we have trouble differentiating between a constraint that is real and one that is real but that we can free ourselves from, right? So we could say a constraint is I'm unlovable in a sense because I'm dating for 10 years and every single partner disappoints me and hurts me.
In my mind, that's real, right? Because I've got 10 years worth of evidence to say this is a real valid constraint. So I guess it's more of a question of what is real? I think typically as humans, what is real is something that we've experienced, something that maybe is pattern-based, something that we can touch, and something that we've felt. That is real to us.
So how do we move, like, how do we navigate something that is real and holds weight versus letting go of that thing? And then of course, how do we update the way that we speak to ourselves about those things so that we can free ourselves from them, whether they're real or imaginary or some mix of the two?
Yeah, no, great question. And I really, that's where I think there's room for a lot of compassion and empathy in patients with people, right? Again, one of you, you know, I write in quotes and I say, we can't be hard accountable for that, which we're oblivious to, right? So what you just described as say someone's reality of like, you know, I'm not lovable because and you've got all the evidence of this decade of not having successful relationships, that isn't a constraint. It's a reality.
So to answer your question, it may sound like semantics. I'm showing them that the reality is the byproduct of the constraint. So what my work is, is okay, someone comes to me with anxiety, they come with a relationship problem, they come with a health problem, they come with a finance problem, whatever it is humans have. There's a pretty small range of arenas that people have problems in.
It's usually health wealth. There's something to do with their career money and relationships. That's about it. What humans are talking about. So I'm helping to reverse engineer what they think is a problem to a subconscious constraint. So that's why.
it seems real and that's why we want to have compassion and we want to honor someone's reality but it's it's not a truth is the difference right so it might feel like well my brother was the academic and my brother was the athlete and you know he got all the attention and this might be someone's reality like that actually happened for them as a kid and maybe they were a little chubby and they were made fun of at school and that's horrible and all of these experiences only validate further for me the
the incarnation they're here to transcend, meaning that they, for whatever reasons as a soul, have curated these experiences because they're here to realize their own magnificence on the other side of their feelings of inadequacy. And so in order to do that, we have to attract the people in the circumstances to trigger us. It's just that the human disposition is that we don't tend to look at those as opportunities for growth, but rather as things to avoid that are painful.
And then we use whatever means of escape, right? Like so people drink, they smoke, they vape, they take medications, whatever it is, they eat food versus going, hang on a minute. There's something here that is making me feel inadequate. There's something here that's making me feel threatened or unsafe. And what is that? Because at the deepest level of who I am, capital self, you know, this divine nature,
I'm extraordinary. I'm unstoppable. I'm ineffable. There's nothing that I can't handle or be with. The constraint part is only a constraint when you distinguish it as a constraint, otherwise it's a reality. That's why when I work with people, it's so profound and it never gets old because they're like, holy shit.
I've thought that for 40 years or 50 years or so when you are so misidentified with this narrative because of the events of your childhood and they don't have to be always traumatic they can be benign but there's still going to be this feeling of inadequacy I'm not enough or insecurity I'm not safe or
Some sort of scarcity where money doesn't grow on trees, whatever it is that you grow up in as an environment. So now if you've done that for 30, 40, 50 years, then it becomes like that's the way it is versus no, that's an extension of the way I look at things.
a very subtle distinction, but a powerful one that maybe helped, you know, surmise this whole answer to your question. People think they're victims of circumstance, right? To use your analogy, like, okay, someone's had terrible relationships for a decade, so they're experiences that I'm not lovable based on the circumstances of their life. And what I would help them say is, no, you're not a victim of circumstance, you're a victim of your own perspective.
So is it that you're unlovable because you've had failed relationships or is it because you were already unlovable before you met anyone that you actually curated failing relationships, right? So it's the car before the horse. So I'm helping people realize, no, we're the creator of our own experience based on how we view things.
And it gets very subtle and refined. But once you see it, it's like, holy shit, like I can remember the moment that my dad said this, my mum did that, my sibling did this, and I started to think I'm not enough, or I'm not wanted, or whatever it is, right? And then we build an identity from that, and then our life is the extension of that. So most people are trying to change life. What I'm doing is using life to reverse engineer to who must you be to attract those circumstances.
So yeah, so I mean, obviously what I'm getting from that is, you know, a lot, our reality obviously is shaped by the way we see ourselves. So we can be become trapped by the stories we tell ourselves. And you're essentially suggesting a reversal of the way that we tell these stories from circumstances to self, from self to circumstances. So I guess the question is like,
We have stories that we've been telling ourselves for quite some time. And there probably was a catalyst way back that started it. And then we keep finding supporting evidence for these stories. Exactly.
As specific as you can, and maybe we can come up with a scenario, if need be, to make it more contextual. How do we start telling ourselves a new story? And what stories are worth holding on to in life? Is this your best life, the most freedom, your most pure joy? Does it come from a blank slate and a telling of brand new stories? How do we know what stories to hold on to? And how do we start telling ourselves new ones in the case when we're like, this is an unfair untrue story?
Great question. And I would say sort of the litmus test for any of those stories is the degree to which they both resonate or they have a degree, if not complete sense of truth about them. So to use a everyday example.
You know, some of the lines you were quoting at the beginning there about me talking about my operating system was on the back of a free session I did for people interested in my mastermind. And I worked with a gentleman who's 46, 48 from India. And he was struggling with anxiety, suffering in regards to his relationship with his kids, where he felt he was angry. He was low confidence. He was worried about his future in terms of security financially. Things that everyone can relate to, right?
And I could even see physiologically looking at me like the big dark circles circles under his eyes which to me is reflective of someone who's adrenals are working too hard, which makes sense for someone who's in a state of survival and fear right. So I helped him to see that.
He told a story about when he was young and growing up in India, he was teased for having such beautiful eyes as a boy, so it was almost like he was too pretty, right? Now, for a little boy, you can argue, okay, well, that's great, but when a little boy hears that, especially from other women, you know, what we, to cut to the chase, what I helped him see is that he made up the story, there's something wrong with him.
Because he doesn't fit in. As humans, our primal urge or one of them is a sense of belonging. And so it's ironic that we all want to feel a sense of connection and love when communion, because that's how we survive. But at the same time, we can't be the same because we are an individual. There's no other us. And so this little boy has this experience of feeling like there's something wrong with him. So now there's a huge feeling of inadequacy and shame and guilt.
Then he was reprimanded a lot growing up in a very traditional Indian family. He was hit. He was scolded. He was slapped. And so that little boy's experience as you grew up was that he's, you know, bad, like he's a naughty boy, right? So now there's a grown man who's still looking through the lens of there's something wrong with him and he's bad.
And then as it related to his future, this anxiety that a lot of people have, there's this fear that his life's not going to work out, right? So if they're the lenses he's looking through, and one of his biggest obstacles where he felt so much shame is that he blows up and he has a lot of anger with his kids. And he even shared, and it just left everybody with a tear in their eye, he said that he recently blew up at his oldest son. And afterwards, he said to his son, I hope you never grow up to be me.
because he felt so much guilt and shame. You can feel the weight of that as a parent, right? And so I'm working with this man. And so to, you know, to come to the question, it's, it's about a dissolution process. It's not about telling a better story. Like a lot of people use affirmations, right? So he could think, I'm bad. I was slapped. So no, I'm a good man or I'm a good father. He could say in the mirror countless times,
But it's a crass expression, but that's like whipped cream on shit. He's already got the belief that he's a bad person, he's something that's something wrong with him, and now he's trying to convince himself. That's a solution-based sort of fix it mindset, and I'm dissolving these constraints. So ironically, it's not about telling a new story so much as letting go of the story that's not true. So I ask him, I have a
sort of proprietary method I take people through when I work with them, you know, so that they get to investigate the validity of that story. So, you know, asking him in late term, they said, is it absolutely true in the universe that you're bad? And he's like, well, no, it's just, you know, what he believed, but it's been there for 40 years. So it's convincing, right?
So when he sees it is not true, literally you could see the features of his face change and his breathing patterns go deeper because he released a story that has been like a prison, like a bow constrictor around his neck.
Then there is a new story that arises automatically because in the absence of thinking that he's bad or there's something wrong with him, he immediately experiences freedom. This is why my main product is freedom. So then the story becomes one that is automatically inspiring of like, wow,
I could be so full of joy. I could be more myself and fully self-expressed. I wouldn't have to scream at my kids because I'm not carrying the weight of my own sense of inadequacy and shame. I could be a better husband, a better father. I could have more fun, right? So those stories just arise automatically in the absence of the constraint.
Yeah. Oh, I love that. Super clear. I appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, I love your method. I've seen you do it a couple of times. You call it investigate the truth, right? Yeah. Is it true? Um, I, I lead a lot of these journaling sessions and flip side of that is I encourage people to ask themselves, what if I'm wrong? If I'm wrong about this statement, what would it mean? And it basically helps people arrive at the same solution. If I'm wrong, I'm being lovable, then that would mean XYZ and you list out all of the amazing
Uh, move forward energetic things that you could do if you're wrong. So yeah, love that so much because I think it speaks to a, an observation that I'm sure we both agree on, especially in this. We're not renaissance of wellness, right? Everyone journaling and cold plunging and red lighting and prep working and it's, it's fantastic.
Yeah. But I think within that, it speaks to the larger pressure that we've all put on ourselves to be our best self, right? I think we live in this time, you know, social media, yada, yada, the usual suspects of we are acutely aware of where we're falling short, we're acutely aware of where everyone else is succeeding, we're acutely aware of the gap between where we are and where we want to be. And so
We're very good at that. And I think we pile pressure and pressure on ourselves and beat ourselves over the head with it. And, you know, it just creates more anxiety. It's this interesting way of like, I want to be a better person, but the uncovering of that better person makes me even more anxious.
in the present. So I guess building on that, how do you help people find a balance between wanting more freedom, and we'll talk about freedom in a minute, but wanting more freedom, joy, happiness, while also not creating even more anxiety in our life as a result?
Yeah, no, it's a great question and it gets really into the subtle semantics of even the energy of wanting, right? Because we could say that, again, similar to what I said earlier, as being mammals, we're sort of wired primarily to just survive. There's also this automatic feeling of desire based on our chemistry, like it's what pulls us forward, right? Like in this dopamine, it's a sort of automatic means by which
We want to search for something which without sounding too esoteric to me is really a reflection of consciousness that wants to know itself. It's like this fascination and curiosity. The number one word a kid says is why. I think one thing is really the means by which we get to explore life, attract circumstances, so that then we have to be confronted and triggered so that we can break free from the constraints again which we arrived.
Wanting freedom, I think, is sort of inbuilt. We might not think it's freedom. We want more money. We want a better body. We want a great partner. We want a bigger home. We want a better job. So the wanting looks different, but actually underneath it, what I feel is still at play is that people just want to feel that sense of relief from the suffering that is automatic or innate in terms of being human.
So, I don't think you can over want, because even if you're over wanting right now is where you're at, it's appropriate to the degree to which you're suffering. So, most people's wanting is really a reaction to not wanting without sounding too tongue twister, but people want to be in shape. Why? Well, because I'm fat and I don't want to be or I'm overweight.
So that becomes a little bit of a fear-based wanting, so it tends to be self-perpetuating. Whereas an inherent authentic form of desire is when people get a glimpse of true peace, true freedom, true love. It's like, oh shit, like I've fallen in love. They still have all of the problems that they had prior to meeting this idealized person. But now all of a sudden, that's the main focus. I just want this feeling.
of euphoria, inspiration, joy. And so that's also in a bit of an atel, right, where you realize, oh, hang on a minute, my bank accounts the same, my body fat index is the same, my parents, you know, being on my ass about things is the same. But now I'm in the state of euphoria. That to me sort of helps people see, well, it's really maybe not about circumstances, but about us being truly aligned with our inherent self.
So falling in love is one of those, I think, real desires that has an authenticity to it because it's the closest thing to experiencing, I would say, our natural state of joy, of freedom of possibility. Well, so let's talk about that one. Yeah.
I watched a session that you did recently in LA where you were talking to this woman, and I'm trying to remember, but she had basically, you know, she was in her 40s feeling behind. She had gotten out of a rough relationship, you know, feeling unlovable, repeating a lot of the rhetoric that we're talking about here about, you know, kind of feeling static in that place.
And oh, and she was trying to go back to it, right? She wanted to go back to the person, but really what she wanted was the feeling. And you helped break down that the feeling that she wanted wasn't so much the love of the other person. It was the way she felt with the other person. That is like true love in your words wasn't so much about falling in love with the person. It was falling in love with the version of herself that she got to be with that person.
And that was clearly a very vibrant, joyous version of ourselves. So actually really, really like that idea within love and partnership, because we're so focused on, does this person make me feel loved? And of course, right? We get into the semantics of that, right? Do they make you feel appreciated and seen? And you know, the little things, but talking a little bit about like your definition of love, because I love that so much about
We don't fall in love with the other person. We fall in love with the version of ourselves that we get to be through and with the other person. Well, you've done your research, Reverend, because you're almost quoting me verbatim this. I think you just answered the question. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that was one of those videos that just sort of went crazy viral and
You know, I have a decent falling on Instagram, but like for that to get to I think close to six. You're having a moment for sure, by the way. Six million views, yeah. It's sort of really sweet. So I think it just really resonated with people because look, I'm the same. I've fallen in love with many people and I'm grateful for that, right? And so it's so easy for that love to become personified with that person. And so the underlying sort of context or subtext to that is that like as long as you're around and you stay with me, then I'll stay in the state of joy, you know, but if you leave me or
say anything that's dismissive, the derogatory towards me, then I'm going to be hurt. And so it's where we put these subtle demands or maybe not so subtle on someone else to show up a certain way so that we feel safe and we feel loved and we feel free. In fact,
we become each other's catalyst. So that clip and I think why it went so viral is because people really could see, wow, as you so beautifully articulated, citing my own words, that it's who we get to be by virtue of that other person. That person for sure is a catalyst to reveal that sense of love that we are. It doesn't get lost because that person leaves us. Rather, that's the gift of relationships is that we can each be the inspiration
for one another to discover the capacity that we have to love, to give, to be inspired, to be infused, to be motivated, to have a sense of joy. And so there's a beauty in relationships when we understand the actual dynamic. That doesn't mean that we just get rid of people once we discover it our love. Of course, I could argue that I can bring the same amount of love to everybody on the planet. And there's a degree of truth to that.
It doesn't mean I want to hang out with everyone at Thanksgiving or, you know, wake up next to somebody who's, you know, sort of a little bit anger driven or has got some sort of, you know, perhaps I'm becoming habits, right? But I can still have love and compassion for everyone. So we still can find synergy and simpatico and affinity and intimacy with certain people.
But the beauty of real love, as far as I'm concerned to come back to your question, is to recognize that without sounding too poetic, that is our actual nature. And that's the beauty of really falling in love is
Again without sounding like to new age is really rising in love right that we together can up level our own experience of who we are, and what becomes available for us in the absence of this sort of resigned cynical way of looking at life of life is hard and.
you know, shit's never going to go my way. So I think love is the ultimate antidote to that feeling of unfulfillment and apathy and pointlessness to life. It's like, no, there's something so magical beneath the surface, which again is to me our divine nature, that when I, for whatever reasons, it might not necessarily be a love romantic partner, it could be
You know, a grandchild. It could be a new puppy. It could be somebody who just shows an act of kindness that you've never experienced before. And it just awakens that feeling of like true unity that I think is beneath the surface of all our human narratives.
Yeah, yeah, so beautifully said. I mean, as someone who thinks a lot about words and word choice, I mean, you always nail it. So fired by the way you speak. No, I think that's so good. I even literally today, I released a new episode encouraging myself and other people to expand our definition of love because
We're so wrapped up in romantic love, thinking that a relationship is the only vessel for us to experience love as an energy force. And I think just obviously to what you're saying, and sure, it's a little simplistic and cheesy for me to say, you know, love is connecting to something larger than yourself. But I think it's a beautiful way to take some of this pressure off that we referenced and some of the way that we can kind of back up and stop
you know, choking ourselves into, into forcing things and timing and people. And it's actually brings up a question that I wanted to ask you for myself, but it's also a good segue. You know, I talked to a lot of people about, you know, about dating and things like that and people who are tired and people who have bad experiences. And, you know, they're like, well, my friend found their partner when they weren't even looking. So maybe I should just quit looking and the universe will deliver because that's the saying, right? Love finds you when you're not looking.
Yeah. And it brings up the idea in life of surrender and taking action, right? Yeah. And so I think for me, I'd love your advice to case because I'm a very, not about dating, but just in general, I am a very type A person, a little bit like obsessive that if I'm not working or if I'm not striving or if I'm not doing that necessarily means that I'm moving backwards in some sense.
So I guess for me, I'm trying to find in my life, professionally, just in general, soulfully a balance between surrender and taking action. And I'm resistant to the surrender aspect. And I guess I'd love your advice on that for myself and for other people. Like, how do we find the right balance between surrender, accepting the flow of life, being present in life?
But also then, of course, realizing that we get out of life what we put in and we have to move and create our reality. How do we find the balance between that?
I mean, it's such a golden question, right? And I think, you know, being completely vulnerable, it's something that I've dabbled with and continue to investigate even myself, right? And so all I can do is with anything that I've just said on the show is share my perspective. So I think there's a couple of things I want to reflect. So the first thing when Kay says, you know, I'm a very type A person was the words you used, right?
So I would first of all recognize that that's a story, it's not a truth, right? And because you've experienced that over time, and you may be heard it and you've got behaviors that reflect it and you maybe even have results. So you're proud of because of it, which only then reinforces it. It's recognizing, well, that's not actually who you are. That might be a aspect of your identity. You know, this human cool case who's beautiful and does all his work and inspires many people.
And so I would give yourself a little bit of breathing room and go, oh, like.
Could you be wrong to use your own terminology that your type A? And who might you be if you weren't, right? I'm wrong a lot. So most humans are myself included, although I've gotten better at not doing that. But yeah, so that's the first thing that I want to reflect. And then to go back to the question of this, like really this beautiful dance between surrender and taking action,
I think the thing for people to really pay attention to is what is the underlying energy from which we're doing either, right? So surrender when it comes from a really beautiful place of true trust and faith, and I use those two words interchangeably for some people faith because perhaps they lean on a dogma or their religious trust and is more universal. It's more spiritual, right? But it sort of implies the same thing, right? Where
I recognize that I truly am somewhat powerless and somewhat oblivious to what really might be the best for me. And so I'm going to kind of let go of the proverbial invisible steering wheel. And I'm really going to surrender. Now, if that truly comes from that place, then that to me is the precursor to the magic. That is the precursor to the miracle of like, I'm not looking for love. And then all of a sudden, I bump into someone in a grocery store and it's like sparks, right?
So that's where it's an authentic relinquishment of any kind of egoic individual sense of control. However, the same surrender can from a different energy of fatigue or apathy be more about resignation and cynicism. It's like, well, fuck it. I don't give a shit. Like, you know, I worked with a lot of pro athletes. I could work with golfers. You know, I did for many years and MLB guys and
You know, to use those sports, there's a lot of failure. Like in baseball, if you were like a Hall of Fame, you're still only hitting three out of 10, right? Like there's an immense amount of like surrender that you need. And so sometimes a guy might be over, meaning he hasn't had a hit for a few games. And he's actually just pissed. He's like, fuck it. Like who gives a shit? And then he'll get a hit. That's not a very powerful place of surrender.
versus somebody who has a lot more faith in their skill, their confidence, their team, that they're like, you know what? Like, and this happened for one of my players. That year, that season, he became the MVP of the National League. You know, there's only two MVPs, the American League and the National League. It's the biggest accolade. And I would assert that one of the reasons he got that was because we distinguished that he has the capacity to suck as a player.
And it was a real point of contention and resistance for him because he's like, well, I'm paid millions of dollars not to suck. I'm like, I know, but you still have the capacity. Like this was the terminology we use, right? You have, because he had struck out a bunch and he wasn't getting hits and he was getting frustrated. And so it was like, he made space for his humanity. He made space for his ability to fail. And the irony is as soon as we become big enough to make space for that,
It no longer defines us. It no longer drives us. It no longer creates fear because we know that's an inevitable part of being human. Jack Nicholas, greatest golfer of all time, he said, one of the most important parts of winning is being okay losing. Now, it's not that he wanted to lose, but he's okay with it. And if he's okay with that potential outcome, which it is a potential outcome, then it doesn't have to take any energy, right? So that's the first part about surrender and really allowing life to flow through us and to us.
Then similarly, in terms of taking action, which sort of continues the conversation about wanting, where is that action coming from? Is it a reaction to something or is it a commitment to something? And that might seem very subtle, but it's worlds apart because if I'm reacting to something, like I said, most people are wanting something because of what they don't want.
Most people want to join the gym and get in shape at the beginning of the year because they are tired of feeling like they're overweight, they're fat, and they're lazy or whatever it is. It looks like the same on paper, they're signing up for a $50, $100 a month, whatever it is, and they're going to a gym and driving in their car. But the way they do it is they're trying to get away from something.
So surrender to me, if it's authentic, then there's a sense of real joy and an absolute kind of love for life about it. It's like you're trusting in a bigger intelligence. And with action, if it's coming from a place of again, joy and commitment towards something, then to me, it's an action worth pursuing. If it's coming from a place of I'm trying to get away from something, then you're actually persisting some old patterns that are associated with your history. And then that only gets perpetuated.
Yeah. Oh, I love that so much. I mean, it's a subtle thing, but it's the biggest shift energetically, right? Is it coming from fear? Is it coming from love? Like, is our pursuit of a relationship coming from an aversion to loneliness? Or is it coming from, you know, something, something more propelling forward? I think what I'm getting from all of this, obviously, is that
the clarity that you can find, the dissolving of the story, like it requires you to sit in your triggers. And I know you've said before that, you know, what triggers you as a gift. Yeah. You know, from our conversation, I think logically, it makes a lot of sense. I think culturally, I think the way we're wired, right, what do we do with a trigger? We avoid it.
Yeah, and I think a lot of us can convince ourselves that avoiding a trigger is how we heal from the thing that triggers us or it just we just deliver ourselves like that triggers me I'm removing myself from the situation and you know, I think the Internet has really propelled
a sense of like savageness almost with the idea of removing yourself and walking away and protecting your peace, right? All great things certainly. But I think you take it so far and you're like, whoops, I protected my peace a little bit too much. And you didn't actually evolve. You didn't actually heal. You didn't actually find clarity. So maybe specifically talk a little bit about triggers and why you see them as a gift and how we can
you know, convince ourselves to sit in that trigger so that we don't run from it as just a knee-jerk reaction. Yeah. No, it's, again, comes down to these deep DNA patterns where we are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, right? So a trigger falls into the pain bucket, right, where we're hurt or we're upset by something. And so naturally we're going to have
the tendency to want to get away from that. It's like you hurt yourself physically, you're obviously going to protect that part. So what comes to mind, again, quoting myself, it's I think one of my most popular quotes as a life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free.
So that's sort of the more poetic way of saying, you know, life is going to trigger you to show you where your work is, right? So that's the beauty of life is that it's like, oh, okay, I will, as a human, misidentified as a human here, as a spiritual being, with my main purpose of breaking free from constraints, I'm going to continue to run up against the things that piss me off or upset me or hurt me or bring fear to the surface.
And so that's how I would sort of very broadly define triggers is it's really life blessing you, gifting you with your blind spots as to where you're not recognizing to come back full circle to the start, how extraordinary you are.
you're still playing small. And so we're going to keep, you know, pushing those buttons and see you realize, Oh, actually, I'm pretty fucking amazing. And I can handle that. Doesn't mean I want to, you know, there's a distinction there, right? Just because I can be with something doesn't mean that I want to keep that in my life. But once we've learned the lesson, we transcend and we move forward into this greater iteration of ourselves.
Yeah. Can you do me a favor? Could you define subconscious for us? The reason I ask is everything you've been saying makes a lot of sense. I always, I refer to a lot of the way that I talk about topics as golden retriever language, like the simplest language humanly possible to explain ideas that sometimes we just avoid because they're too woo woo or they just don't make sense. I can't touch it. I can't feel it. So when we're talking about our subconscious minds,
Can you define that? I don't even know, because it makes a lot of sense. The things we're talking about, the stories we tell ourselves, the self-talk that originated in experiences likely in childhood and adolescence. I can picture those experiences, but when we say subconscious is where they're living and holding space, what does that mean?
Well, if we break it down into its simplest form, its sub means below, beneath, right, and conscious. So subconscious is the narratives, the programs, the linguistic code that is beneath the conscious language, our thoughts. So to use a very simple analogy, it's like everybody has got a house, seen a house, they're familiar with what a house is. The subconscious is the foundation.
You can't see it, but the house only exists because of it. So our conscious thoughts, the identity that we have become associated with is built on the subconscious foundation, which is really at the root cause of why we think, feel, act and consequently get the results we get. Yeah, makes a lot of sense. And yeah, I think it's been interesting for myself as a regular, ordinary dude, like a masculine middle of the road guy.
You know, I always used to think things like, you know, subconscious is silly. It's like, no, I decide I'm an adult, like I'm moving forward with this as a decision or even like the idea of like, like being victims of victims or like things in your childhood still affect. I'm 36 still affecting you in your 36. I always used to think that that was such a ridiculous thing because it's like, no, this is my reality. This is my current state of mind.
Anything else is just silly for me to think that I'm not free in a sense from these experiences that I've clearly outgrown. I look so much different. 20 years ago, I'm happy. I always like just to find some grounding in some of these things.
I'm curious. A lot of my work resonates with women. I never set out to talk to a certain group of people. It's just the way the internet kind of propels things. Do you find any interesting observations in working with men and women when it comes to maybe initial friction to some of these topics, anything off the top of your head that you've recognized? I'm just curious. I'm not a big like men versus women guy. I'm just curious in general.
Um, I do and I think very similar to you, we may in terms of the demographics that we appeal to or that follow us on social, you know, there is a very heavy leaning towards feminine. And I think the reason is.
The female is more receptive in every regard, right? Like they're better listeners with their girlfriends with each other, they know how to hold space, anatomically they receive. There's an intuition that women have that I think allows them to understand some of these more
esoteric philosophical conversations. I think men tend to be kind of quite binary with the zeros and ones and very action-oriented, which is also beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I could be more action-oriented. I like to philosophize and break down all of these patterns. So I feel like I've got a nice balance of masculine and feminine, but with regards to
I'm being drawn to my work and also being familiar yours yours it makes sense to me that the feminine is naturally more inquisitive and naturally more open to fallibility or to be able to look at oneself the masculine as a stereotype.
is for survival purposes, constantly trying to be the strongest, the fastest, the alpha, right? And so when I first started working, for example, in Major League Baseball, there was a little bit of a stigma of who am I and if someone seemed talking to me, what it might represent is a weakness. Because from the masculine perspective, it's like, oh, there must be something wrong with me if I need to talk to someone. That's how archaic the narrative of the masculine is. Whereas a woman,
They see the opportunity for growth. It's like, oh, no, I want to talk to this person. I want to watch this video on cooking so I can become better. I want to go to speak to my friend about the issues I'm having raising my kids so that I can be a better mum. Whereas, man, it's almost like the proverbial don't ask anyone for directions because, you know, it seems like it's incumbent upon us to figure it all out by ourselves. Otherwise, we're seen as weak.
And I'd actually say it's quite the antithesis. It's actually a really confident and strong man who's able to recognize the benefit and the value of seeking counsel from people who might be better at things than you are. So I think there's a lot for men to
to take on there and realize, hey, being vulnerable is not actually being vulnerable. It's actually being so strong that you can admit mistakes, errors, weakness, fears. And that actually is a form of courage and strength. So it's the antithesis of how we're wired, which is perhaps a reflection on how, as men, we're not that smart.
We certainly have some work to do. My experience mirrors that perfectly and not to sound patronizing a woman, but I've learned a lot from women over the past seven years of doing my podcast and everything. I think, and I've rebranded in a slightly masculine way for myself just to feel seated in that space, I suppose, whatever.
Like a lot of my work now is I try to simplify it. I'm focused on helping myself and other people feel seen and be a bit more optimistic. Optimism in my neck of the woods is just the belief that things can change, ideally for the better, but not blind positivity. And I think a lot of women having encouraged that in me,
through the way that I interact with them and their messages, because it starts with vulnerability. It starts with that sense of surrender and sitting in the trigger, sitting in the vulnerability, being honest with yourself. And then through that reflection saying, okay, things can change. And I think talking to a lot of men and my former self and my 20s, to your point, very static, very binary. It's either this or it's that it means this or it means that I just, so a little off topic there, but I really enjoyed that evolution in myself.
I joke that I share my feelings for a living. And when I first started saying that as opposed to the mind architect or however you refer to yourself, it started as a bit of a joke, but then set into like, I need to almost like hyperbolize this thing that I aspire to do. Cause I used to be, I've pretty closed off and introspective and resistant to all the things essentially that I do now.
I'm going to label myself the 180 swing of how I used to be. I'm going to be the person who shares his feelings for a living professionally, but also as a man, a partner, and a friend. I think in that sense, I found a lot of freedom, which is something I earmarked a little bit ago in our conversation that I wanted to
Do you hear you talk about, I've seen you talk about freedom. I've seen you talk about the difference between freedom from and freedom too. I love a good word play or just like contrasting pairs. What does freedom mean? I think it's a good question because I moved to Miami about two years ago and freedom down here to most people is
Having money to control your schedule and you do whatever you want. That is freedom. And yeah, I've always cringed a little bit at that. And obviously, that is not the true definition of freedom in a sense, right? It's not just freedom from schedule. There's a deeper, more energetic soulful level of freedom. So I love your definition of freedom and maybe encourage us to think about it in our lives.
Sure. I think there's different, there's sort of a hierarchy of freedom, right? So you just saying there in Florida, the freedom to have money and control and do whatever you want. That's in the realm of action or behavior, right? That's absolute form of freedom. There's a level of freedom that's associated that in terms of they're not just doing, but they're having, right? Like, you know, so having material success or what people might think of as financial freedom. What I'm talking about is at the deepest level,
is beneath the action. We could also say there's emotional freedom, right? What does that look like? It might be where I'm free to express myself. Like I'm not held back. I'm not suppressed. I'm not repressed. There's psychological freedom to have freedom of thought, freedom of, you know, to have your voice heard, right? But for me, the real freedom that I'm passionate about committed to and help inspire people is really spiritual freedom, right? Which is
It may sound a little out there for some people, but it's really freedom from the misidentification with this human form. So it's really freedom from this three-dimensional paradigm of us thinking that we're limited to these meat suits and the associated narratives. So when you get that, it's like then it's almost as though
You get to play harder because we're not so preoccupied with what other people think about us, or how is this going to impact my career? Or will people like me on social media? These are all the preoccupations and the fears and the concerns of the human form, whereas complete freedom is really the ability to be with everything. So we can have freedom of having, freedom of doing, freedom of thinking,
But then freedom of being to me is at the deepest level where I often ask myself the question when things get a little challenging. I'm like, can I be with this?
Whatever it is, somebody's upset, somebody makes a comment that seems derogatory, money's lost on the stock market, something doesn't go my way. Can I be with that? Am I free or am I going to be in a state of reaction where I'm upset or hurt or scared? So that to me, again, one of my quotes is a true freedom is when you've got nothing to hide and nothing to prove and nothing to want for.
Beautiful. Yeah, I think we're circling the same idea in different ways here, which I love. I'm a big proponent of just hitting something from different sides. Yeah. You might be familiar with Casey Neistat, the blogger. He has a quote that's attributed to him that talks about cringe being cringe in life, my favorite topic, right? And he says, you know, your goal should be, what does he say? He says,
the don't kill the part of you that is cringe kill the part of you that cringes right which is what we're talking about here it's right it's like it's main hold on to that that truth free yourself from the trigger and the aversion to that truth the comparison the
the negative self talk about other people's reaction to it, which I've always liked. A lot of my writing is very simple and a lot of my podcast is very simple as well. It's stepping into the things that are cringe, that are weird, that are too much, that are this and that are that with the intention of not treating the surface level symptom, the trigger to it, but instead embracing the depth of the thing itself.
You know, pretty aligned with what you're talking about with with freedom there, which I really like. It's really, you know, it sort of gets a little bit sort of God-like, right? Like, which I don't want to be misconstrued as like, oh, you know, we're all like here as gods, we'll try to be gods, but
you know, for whatever religious background someone might have or what their preference is, it's like, you know, do you see your God really getting upset at, you know, fill in the blank of whatever's going on in your life right now? You know, the fact that you didn't get the raise, you didn't get the job, you didn't, you know, the wife said something and it's like, would a divine being really be so
You know, I think the technical term is but her. It's like, you know, it's like, OK, can I just get over myself? It's like it becomes kind of disarming when you can bring that sense of comedy and realize, you know, when someone's having a fight in a relationship, whether it's romantic or otherwise, like, it's really just two kids having a tantrum, you know, and you start to realize that we're really not that evolved, you know, and it's OK.
But can we start to at least take responsibility for that go okay, if I truly am the one who's generating my own experience of life, but I'm under the impression it's because of something outside of me can I really see that that's really just a form of blame and manipulation and is that really what I'm committed to or do I want to be sufficiently
Accountable and free that i can recognize no i i choose when i'm conscious enough how i want to interact with others in life and hopefully from that place i'm gonna come from a perspective of love and pure possibility and contribution and it takes a big human being to get to that place but i can't think of anything better to aspire to.
Yeah, I agree. And I think at the end of the day, you'll never be misplaced to take life a little bit less seriously and to just acknowledge how flawed we are and how ridiculous our expectations are sometimes. In a sense, I was doing some research or something I'm working on.
I try to stay in this realm, but I was pulling in some Buddhist teachings and references and the idea of what was called Doka, the Buddhist understanding of suffering and pain and the different ways that we cling to attachment and kind of trigger a lot of these things. But a lot of what I was getting from it, outside of the depth and seriousness of our understanding of attachment,
and craving comes from a lot of the writing by some great monks and Tiknad Han and some of these folks was don't take life so seriously. And some of these things like craving and attachment and our aversion to impermanence, it'll take care of itself. So I don't want to oversimplify life and just be like, be cringe and don't take life too seriously. But I'm sure you'd agree, there's a lot of magic and freedom in those two mindsets.
100%. It reminds me as many, many moons ago when I was in England and I was getting a little bit of attention there for some of my work and this journalist from the Financial Times, she came up with this very adorable, triumphant moniker for me of like, you know, meeting Peter Cone is like meeting Buddha. So she was sort of appealing to the spiritual sense. Austin Einstein, so speaking to the fact I'm super practical, like, if you live in the world, if I'm not enough, then of course you're going to act that way or become a perfectionist.
And Austin Powers all at the same time. I was like, those three, I could live with that Buddha Einstein and Austin Powers, because I was like, yeah, baby, just, you know, pull your head out of your ass and don't take it so seriously. I couldn't agree more. I think. And this is why we love comedy and.
So many comedians got blessed, and they're the ones who deal with the most amount of suffering, which is why they've had to, through their own means of overcoming depression or whatever, find some relief in joy, and it always resonates. And so, yeah, I think none of us, as we know, are getting out of here alive. So maybe just start to have a little bit more fun and less fear.
Yeah. Well, I wasn't kidding, but before, before we started recording, I said, I'm grateful to be in your orbit. I'm sure some of my listeners would also love to be in your orbit. And I know you have a mastermind. I know you have some other opportunities for people to interact with you, love to give you the Florida talk about those.
Sure, thank you. Yeah, my mastermind, depending on when this comes out, they might have missed unless this literally comes out next week. But there'll be another one later in the year. It's a three and a half month container where I basically teach all of my theory. On a full day or Saturday, we have eight modules. We go through. It's the most comprehensive container for me to share. And then the afternoon, I coach people. You see all of these wows. Similar to what I was talking about earlier when I helped that guy.
overcome his feeling if there's something wrong with him and he's bad. And then we have all sorts of conferences in between, and it's all recorded. So that's, that's my most powerful offering. And then if people want to learn more, I have a my own archive content of all my programs on anxiety, depression, relationships, health, how to free your mind in a membership platform called freedom, because I want people to find freedom in all areas of their life. And it's for the
Dizzy available price of just 29 bucks a month. So you can go to petercrown.com and see freedom and Hopefully if you're interested in becoming a better iteration of yourself and overcoming fear and limitation Come and join an amazing community Awesome. Well, I'm sure sure people are this is really compelling and I appreciate you coming on and You know imparting such a great balance of you know
Practicality, but depth and spirituality, which I think really hits the mark in this day and age. So really, really appreciate you coming on Peter. You're welcome. Back to boot on sign and awesome. I love that. That's high praise, by the way. I hope one day someone will pick three such accolade people accredited people.
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