385. Entering your UNBOTHERED and THRIVING era
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January 26, 2025
TLDR: Podcast is focused on achieving an unbothered & thriving era and host's exciting announcement: a first-ever National Live Show Tour titled 'Lost, But Make It Intentional.' Tickets can be purchased.

In this enlightening podcast episode titled "Entering Your UNBOTHERED and THRIVING Era," the host dives deep into embracing a life that promotes emotional detachment and mindfulness. The discussion revolves around what it means to be unbothered, the benefits of trusting the process of life, and actionable steps to cultivate this mindset.
Key Highlights
Introduction to the Theme
- Concept of Unbothered: The episode begins with the concept of being unbothered, which is not about lacking care, but rather about managing emotional disturbances in a healthier way.
- Announcement: The host also shares exciting news about their upcoming National Live Show Tour titled "Lost, But Make It Intentional."
Understanding Being Bothered vs. Unbothered
- Definitions:
- Bothered: This state encompasses feelings of anxiety, distress, overthinking, and emotional attachment to external circumstances.
- Unbothered: This mindset allows individuals to acknowledge reality without becoming overwhelmed by it. It's about processing emotions and moving forward without carrying unnecessary baggage.
Key Concepts for Becoming Unbothered
The episode outlines five focal points to transition into an unbothered and thriving state:
Mastering the Art of Detachment
- Learn to detach from situations and emotions that do not serve your well-being.
- Utilize methods such as "name it to tame it," where naming your feelings helps in reducing their intensity.
Master the Pause
- Introduce a moment of pause before reacting to stimuli.
- Utilize deep breaths to reset emotional responses, leading to more thoughtful actions instead of impulsive reactions.
Rewire Through Self-Talk
- Engage in positive and empowering self-talk.
- Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that encourage resilience and resourcefulness.
Create an Emotional Toolkit
- Develop a collection of strategies, such as music playlists or uplifting messages, that can pivot your mood to a more positive state when needed.
Prioritize Micro Joy Moments
- Focus on small, joyful experiences throughout the day.
- Recording these moments helps keep the focus on positivity, creating a balance against negative feelings.
Practical Applications
- Emotional Management: The host emphasizes the importance of acknowledging emotions as they arise and redirecting them constructively rather than suppressing them.
- Self-Awareness and Growth: Being self-aware enhances the ability to manage one’s emotional states better. It is crucial to understand your triggers and preemptively address them to maintain an unbothered state.
Conclusion
As the episode wraps up, listeners are encouraged to embrace the journey of becoming unbothered by actively practicing the outlined points. By incorporating these strategies, individuals can reduce emotional clutter and focus on living a thriving life.
This episode is not only a call to embrace a new mindset but also serves as a practical guide for anyone looking to cultivate emotional resilience and joy in their daily lives.
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Hello everyone and welcome to the podcast episode of today. So this podcast episode is the first episode that I'm recording back in my beautiful studio this year. So I prerecorded all of the last 10 episodes for your entering 2025 mini kind of course. Hopefully you went and did all the 10 days. I had such great feedback from you guys. So thank you.
I think I want to start doing more kind of like mini series within the podcast because it's something that people can really like dig there. What's the saying? Sync their teeth into and yeah, basically like really get involved in the whole thing. So I really enjoyed that. Love your feedback. Thank you so much. We will be doing more of those this year. Anyway, so it's good to be back. If you're watching the video of this, just small joys in my life. I've got a new microphone like head cover with DIY FM on it. So that's
I can't, and I'm very excited about it. And before I get into this episode, by the way, the episode is all about being unbothered and thriving. It's your unbothered slash thriving era. I'm going to go through five things that I want you to focus on, to become less bothered. I'm going to give you exactly what I mean by bothered. I'm going to talk about what it's like when you become unbothered versus when you are very bothered.
and all the things that can actually, the positive things that can come of it when you start to kind of release a little bit of control, when you start to release the need to attach yourself to things that probably aren't the healthiest thing to attach yourself to. So there'll be five points. I'll be diving deep. It's gonna be a great fucking time.
Now, quick little, very, very important update, and that is that the live show, the DYFM live show is happening. It's happening in May. If you don't follow me on socials, then you might not have seen it, but I've only done kind of the first release of tickets, but there's more releases to come. But basically, I'm doing a live show tour in May in Australia, and the cities are going to be, and I'll tell you the dates right now. We've got Gold Coast on the 2nd of May. We've got Brisbane on the 4th of May.
Adelaide on the 16th of May, Perth on the 21st of May and Melbourne on the 24th of May. I am so excited. I just can't hide it. I am not doing Sydney on this tour. I will be doing Sydney later in the year. That's the plan.
The reason I chose not to do Sydney in this tour is because I only did a Sydney live show last year, and I thought that I'd like to focus on doing all the other cities that I had in my wish list to do before I go ahead and do another Sydney show, so I hope that makes sense.
Having said that, this live show is going to be different to the Sydney live show. The Sydney live show was my first ever live show. I loved every second of it. It was just amazing and to meet you guys and to see you there in person. I can't even
Words can't describe, it can only be described through interpretive dance and like drums and music to the interpretive dance. But this one is going to be a little bit more structured. There's going to be more kind of, you know, now that I've done the first live show, I'm able to really wrap my head around.
what I want this live show to be. And this live show is going to be, I'm taking you guys on a bit of a journey. The title of the show is called Lost, but Make It Intentional. And it is all about your journey through life, where I take you through a bit of my journey through life in like a narrative kind of style. But I give you 10 key lessons to take home with you. Then we're going to have a live Q&A where people can ask questions on the, like at
at the event, and then we're going to have other things as well. And just to make it super, super fun and exciting. So I am so excited. I cannot wait. That was one of the absolute highlights of my year last year. And to think that I'm doing five, there will be five highlights this year. I'm just so happy.
Um, so if you do want tickets for the live show, the easiest way to access the tickets will be to just go to my website, um, www.dyfmpod.com, just click on the little menu and it'll be live show tickets. And then from there it'll take you to a page and you just select the city.
And then that link will take you to the page of the venue of that city where you can book your tickets and select your seats and all of that. So that's how it's going to roll out. I will be reminding you as we go along based on like ticket sales and how they're going to jump on it and get your far account because it's going to be unreal. I'm so excited anyway.
That's it for my live update, my live show live update. Now let's go straight into the podcast topic of today because there's a lot that I kind of want to impart onto you and to get you inspired for your year of being unbothered and thriving. Now it's really funny because I was talking to my best friend Liv and she said to me and I'd already like planned out this episode. I had all my notes and I've been planning this episode for a little bit just kind of like revisiting the
the doc and just I kept adding notes to it and live the other day said to me she goes you know what I've got one word that I'm going to really lean into this year and it's going to be kind of like my mantra for the year and that is unbothered and I'm like you know what we're on the fucking same wave like that because I'm currently doing an episode about unbothered she's like stop stop I can't wait to hear it I can't wait to hear it
So let's dive straight in. I don't have a brain fact today. I'm so sorry. I know. I should for the first like normal episode back of the year, but alas, here we are. Okay. So the first thing is what does unbothered look like? Because by the end of this episode, I want these things to be part of your life, part of your year. Okay. So it is not letting things get to you. Things that don't need to get to you, not letting them get to you.
It looks like being able to brush something off that did affect you, being able to process it more so in the moment instead of letting it fester and moving on without it weighing you down. Even if it's still something that's happening, even if it's something that you can't solve, it's being able to be like, all right, this is a thing. I've acknowledged it. I'm processing it, but I'm not going to let it ruin my day. So it's not about not giving a fuck. It's not about not caring. It's about not letting things bother you past the point of necessities. Okay.
It is having no need or no desire to get someone to do something for you and then feeling like you've been let down if they haven't done it for you because you are minding your own business. A big part of being unbothered is really learning to mind your own business. When you take care of your shit, you're less bothered about what people are doing with their shit. And this kind of ties into what Mel Robbins, if you listen to Mel Robbins, great.
great podcast, she's just a legend in general, great books, but she talks about this, this let them theory. You know, you feel so much better instead of like, why am I here trying to control someone to do something to make me feel like, you know, this is a valid relationship, whether it's a friendship or romantically, I need to let this person be. And if I let this person be, then I'm going to be able to make up much better judgment
on how I want to navigate this moving forward. Do I want this person in my life? And if they are in my life, I'm able to have much better expectations of what I can expect for them and what I can't. Being unbothered is acknowledging that and realizing that you ultimately cannot control someone else's behavior. So the best thing you can do is learn what their real behaviors are and then decide what you're going to do about it. And then become really unbothered because you're like, I'm dealing with my shit. I'm going to focus on my fucking
Shit, you focus on your turd, alright? The next thing is, it's going where the energy is and not pushing against where energy is not. One of the biggest disservices that we can do to ourselves is
trying to get someone to see us for who we are, trying to get someone to like us, trying to prove our worth, prove our worth, prove our worth. When meanwhile there's probably a lot of pockets or areas in our life where your worth is being realised but you're not leaning into it, you're not aware of it, you're focusing on something else are you feeling?
pretty low about yourself or shit about yourself. It's it's a blow to yourself a steam. So I feel like this is one of the areas that this year I really want you to focus on. It's like, I need to lean into areas where the good energy is. And if I find myself trying to prove to someone that I'm good enough or prove to someone that I'm worth it, this is where I need to really pull back because that is a leech. It is a leech of your energy. It's a leech of your the, you know, the goodness that you can bring into your relationship with yourself.
It's a leech of you feel good neurochemicals. It's not fucking worth it. If you're sitting here trying to convince someone that you're good enough, you are wasting your time, okay? Because if someone can't see it, it doesn't make them a bad person. But they just value things differently to what you do. Like, sometimes I look back when I used to date. And I would, you know, fall head of, obviously, limerence. But I'd be like, head of the hills over someone. And they'd just be like, man, towards me.
but I'd be like really fighting it, like really trying to get them to see me in the best light to the extent that I'd try and like pretend to like things that they like or pretend to like have the same humorism to be like I need them to see me in the best light possible for them to really like me. But what ends up happening is that I'm putting across a version of myself that's not really that great. It's not really like
me. And also, I'm expecting them to value things that I value. I'm expecting them to think that what's good in a person or what is valuable in a partner is what I see as good and valuable in a partner. The fact that they didn't quote unquote, see my worth doesn't make them a bad person. It just doesn't make us the appropriate match, okay? Someone's not going to say you're worth because what you have to offer is not what they value. That doesn't make them a bad person and it definitely doesn't make you a bad person.
But I've gone on a tangent, but that's super important when it comes to being unbothered. It's like, I don't need to make you feel a certain way. That's not my fucking job. The next thing is being able to dismiss things that are not directly related to you. How often do we ponder and fester on something that it's like, if you really thought about it, it's like, wait a minute. If I was to step back,
Is this not actually directly related to me? Why am I working myself up about this? And like I've mentioned before, like attracts like, it is very easy to work yourself
up about anything. We don't need to do that, okay? And then the last one, being unbothered, it looks like being able to switch to problem solving mode a lot faster and spending less time in emotional melting down mode. Now I'm going to talk about the importance of feeling your emotions later on in this episode because that's crucial, but I think
It's really important to realize that so much of being unbothered, again, it's not about avoiding, not caring, not paying attention. It's thinking, what do I have control over? What don't I have control over? Now let's work with what I've got. And if I don't have that, it's about accepting and redirecting. That's what being unbothered is. It's got nothing to do with disrespect or dismissing or not giving a flying fuck. Okay. Now,
The beauty of it is that all of what I just said is available to you. It might take a little bit longer if you're someone that's like, yeah, but I get flustered really fucking easy. It's fine. We are training our brains at the end of the day. You are looking at your brain as a muscle to be trained. If you're someone that says, oh, but no, no, no, I fly off the handlebars too easily, but things set me off so easily. Road rage drives me insane.
That's fine. We've now acknowledged our starting point. There's nothing wrong with that. You know, the best thing that you can do is be aware. There's nothing more attractive than someone who's self-aware. And then once you're self-aware, then you take the next step to say, what can I do about this? Okay? So if you're someone that says, well, this is going to be a big journey for me. It doesn't matter.
Okay? It doesn't matter. It's a journey and you can start that journey today. And the brain can be trained no matter where you are starting from. It's easier for some people than others, but we're not here to compare our journey to other people's journeys. You're on your own fucking journey right now. Now, what is bothered? And then I'm going to go into all the points.
So this is where things affect you, this is where things affect your mood, where things cause you to be anxious, it's overthinking, it's catastrophising, it's mind reading and thinking of the worst case scenario when you do try and read someone's mind and think what they're thinking and the humiliation, the embarrassment, oh my God, it's fear of missing out. FOMO is bothered.
FOMO is like a crazy, crazy example of bothered, okay? It's regret, fearing if you've made the wrong decision, fear of what people will think. That's being bothered, okay? I'm very fucking bothered right now. It's annoyed. It's someone getting on your nerves. It's things pissing you off unnecessarily where you just are irritated and irritable.
it's feeling rattled, agitated, all of the above. That's what bothered. It's also thinking about your mistakes of the past, thinking about how embarrassing something was or how embarrassing something could be, so it's going to stop you from doing something. It's everything that's going to ultimately make you slow down or pause or hold yourself back. And it's also going to make you feel shit.
So if you're wondering what those kind of bothered feel like, that's what I'm referring to. Now mind you, I just want to make something very clear. I'm not referring to bothered about caring about someone or something or putting effort in. That's very different. This is not a plight to get everyone to not give a fuck about anything.
It is, you know, me caring about something is not about being bothered or unbothered, okay? I'm talking about things that are negatively affecting us in our life that we can actually afford to get rid of.
Being unbothered should also never directly impact someone else's wellbeing. So it shouldn't be a quest to become as selfish as possible and not factor in the people that are closest to us in our lives where it's important that we, you know, give because in order to have healthy relationships, we have to give as much as we want to receive, all right? So when you're talking about being unbothered, it's not about, oh, well, now I'm just going to live for me. I'm going to do everything for myself and my partner can basically get fucked or my housemates can get fucked or my family can be the ones caught
Obviously, I think if you, like, that goes without saying, but I thought I'd just quickly address it just in case, because, you know, in case I didn't make myself clear. Now.
The one thing that you do have crazy control over, whether you've got control over it yet, or whether you're going to have control over it, is your emotions and how you express your emotions more importantly. Because you might not have direct control over the initial emotion that you feel, but what you do have control over
is what you do after that and how you express yourself after that. That's what we're focusing on because there is nothing wrong. If anything, it's great that we feel the entire spectrum of emotions that's available out there. That's what makes us human. That's what makes you who you are, okay?
So what your focus is is not, I don't want to feel anxious. I never want to feel stressed because that's actually going to exacerbate the problem. If you think, oh my God, I'm flawed because I'm feeling these things. It's not a good thing. So instead, you're going to think, I can feel everything I want to feel. I'm not here to block these feelings. I'm here to acknowledge that feeling in the moment and see, is this useful? Is it not? And regardless if it is or not,
How am I going to express myself? What am I going to do with this moving forward? And yes, at the moment, in the beginning, it's going to feel like a lot of work because you are very aware, but that becomes second nature and subconscious very quickly, very quickly. The more consistent you are, the faster it becomes a subconscious process. The more inconsistent you are, it's just going to take a bit longer, but it still can become a subconscious process if you do it regularly enough.
Now, let's get into it!
The first, the first thing that I want you to focus on is number one, mastering the art of detachment. That is the first thing we're going to be talking about in the next five, out of these five points, okay? So this is learning to stop attaching yourself to shit unnecessarily, okay? You don't want to be making a storm in a paper cup and we do this all the time. I do it.
I like to think that I do it a lot less, but when I'm aware of attaching myself and detaching myself, I can almost instantly snap myself out of a spiral of something. If I think Alexis, you are attaching yourself to something that you don't need to be attaching yourself.
that interception of your logic into your emotions does wonders. I've spoken about this on the podcast. I've done TikToks on this. I've done whatever. But the idea of name it to tame it will really help you in this detachment and name it to tame it is simply you name what you're feeling in the moment.
Now, it sounds very basic because it is. But what's actually happening in the brain when you name it to tame it, is you are feeling an emotion. That's very emotional, like emotional mid-brain primitive. It's like, I need to protect myself or retreat or whatever. I have a visceral emotion, number one. Number two, you name it. When you name it, you switch the dominant region of the brain that is paying attention to this stimulus. So for example,
If you're feeling scared about something or insecure about something, you're sitting in your emotions. It feels very intense, feels awful, anxious, and then you name it. That is your prefrontal cortex. It's the reasoning part of the brain. It's the executive function kind of the brain. And you kick it into action. The moment you kick that part of the brain into action, you're reasoning.
It starts to calm down the other part of the brain. So while that stimulus is still there, while that thing that made you feel stressed or fearful may still be there, the way you perceive it instantly begins to settle down to an extent. For some people, it's massive. For other people, it takes the edge off. But it's worth doing because that is one of the first ways that you can really master the art of detachment. You want to name it?
Bring your conscious awareness into it. So you're able to like talk yourself down if that legend be like, all right. And then you want to ask yourself, do I need to be attached to this thing? Do I need? Is this a need? Because this is a need. We're in a need by need basis right now when we're talking about becoming unbothered. All right.
Now, I also want you to learn to reason your way out of something. Reasoning is your ticket out of feeling attached or bothered about something, okay? Because it is pulling yourself out of this reactive emotional state and bringing yourself into a proactive
problem-solving logical state. Now, emotions are very important. That's why we want to work with both. I'm not saying switch up emotions. I'm saying let's work with what we've got and let's get them both working together as a team within your brain, okay? Now, detachment does not mean indifference. It means freeing yourself from the need to control people, freeing yourself from the need to control outcomes and situations. It is realizing that when you are clinging to expectations,
you will often be let down or it will lead to stress, it will lead to you waiting and, you know, putting yourself on hold or on pause for something else to occur. When you're attaching yourself to an outcome, you're probably not really enjoying the journey that much. It takes you out of the present moment and it puts you somewhere in the future, which may be causing you stress or anxiety or it may be causing tension within a relationship, okay?
So you can practice this by number one name, it's time of course. And then the other one is using affirmations like, I can release the need to control what I cannot control. Okay. If it's not in my control, it's not in my control. Certain things like that. And it sounds basic, but again, that's you, your logic mind talking to your emotional like centers, right?
Now, regulating your emotions by doing this actually helps you regulate your emotions even more. So what I mean by that is like attracts like. The first time you do it, you think, you know, for example, I did a TikTok talking about name entertainment and someone comments being like, well, I try, I listened to this TikTok and I tried it. It didn't work for me. And I'm like, all right, well, firstly, not everything that I say is going to work for absolutely everyone. Let that be clear. I'm not some guru. I'm giving
I'm trying to give suggestions for how people can live their life, and it's not going to work for everyone. Number one, number two, doing something once. It's like me calling up my PTA after the first ever sessions out. I don't have abs, don't work for me, and hanging up. You got to do something...
several times over. So you regulate the first time, you might notice the difference, you might not. You regulate again, you regulate again, you start teaching your brain how to regulate to the extent that you teach it well enough that it does it automatically. So the more you regulate, the more you regulate. You go from a conscious effort to subconscious processes.
The next thing I want you to do, still we're still sticking to step one, is I want you to identify normal triggers and preempt them so you can kind of nip it in the bud. If I know that something is going to be like a trigger or something is going to set me off,
Then going into it, knowing it actually makes it easier for you to be prepared and do something about it. For example, if you're someone that has crazy road rage, if you were to say before you get in the car, today is not the day, I'm not the fucking one, I am going to prioritize my peace of mind. Things are going to happen on the road that I can't control. There are going to be morons on the road that is a given. I know this. So I need to settle myself
before I get in the car, right? And then just that is enough to prime yourself because you now set yourself being like, I know that this is a possibility. If something is likely to set you off,
then you need to learn how to preempt it so that way you can do something about it before it sets you off. If someone normally pisses me off with how they talk, before I interact with them, I can say, okay, just settle, just take a big breath in. It annoys you for these reasons. Exhale, I know I can't control it and I'm just gonna go in. Just the conscious awareness of it, I can guarantee you will help you prevent you from flying off the handlebars because once you do fly off the handlebars,
That's when it is a lot harder to bring yourself back down. It's very possible, but it's just requires more effort and it feels like it's more of an emotional kind of journey to do so. Now, before I go into the next point, I do want to emphasize that feeling your emotions is extremely important. However,
If you are angry, that is not you feeling your emotions. Anger is a secondary emotion. So when you are feeling angry, that is you avoiding another underlying emotion. So if you feel anger coming on, I want you to pause and think, all right.
what's the actual emotion that is underlying and I'm allowed to feel that but anger is me avoiding. Am I feeling abandoned? Am I feeling hurt? Humiliated? Am I scared? Am I anxious? You know, there's so many things that could, you know, am I frustrated? You know, I want you to acknowledge what the underlying feeling is that's causing you to have this angry outbursts because feeling should be felt. But anger is not you feeling your feelings, right?
That is why, in my opinion, a lot of men who don't address their emotions have angry outbursts, but then they call women emotional. Anyway, number two. Number two is master the pause. So the importance of a pause
The significance of a pause is going to transform your life. And all you have to do is before reacting, before saying anything, you pause and you take one breath. That moment of the
will change how you respond to that situation, to that stimulus. At the start, it's going to be like, I'm holding myself, I'm holding myself. And then the more you do it, you start to think, I'm taking this regulating breath. I spoke about it and I don't know how long ago it was, not that long ago, about the importance of a sigh and how that regulates your nervous system. That pause
ideally mixed with a nice deep breath or in conjunction with a nice deep breath will actually help you regulate how you're feeling and respond appropriately instead of snapping saying something you're gonna regret or start to mind rate and start to spiral and then you just you know you're not actually present in the moment you start to catastrophize what someone's thinking about you and this and that you just pause take a deep breath you regulate your nervous system just like dogs do when they're about to go to bed
And take a really big sigh. And then you're able to be like, all right, I can approach this with where I've switched modes. You are actually switching modes with that pause and a breath. You are switching modes. You go from reactive to proactive. It is so quick. It is so easy and it is your probably the fastest out of the points that I'm saying. It is the quickest and probably the most effective way to become unbothered. The pause and the breath. It is a game changer.
So use it as often as you want and it's free. Okay. It's fucking free. We can all do it. Number three is rewire through self talk. Okay. So how you speak to yourself will determine how you feel and then how you feel is going to determine how you act and how you behave.
in your natural environment, okay? So we want to be replacing these things, these statements to ourselves with something that's a little bit more empowering or where you feel like you have a little bit more control over yourself. Because remember, being unbothered is about minding your own fucking business, not worrying about what other people are doing. Because the moment you start worrying about what other people are doing, you're worrying about something that's not within your control and then you're going to get really stressed out, okay?
So I want you to you know have statements that you're gonna replace so if you're saying I can't believe this is happening to me I can't believe this is happening to me you instead could be like I wonder what I'm gonna learn from this or You could you could instead be like I've gone through something similar and I came up The other end or last time this happened. This is how I dealt with it Okay, because if you're saying I can't believe this is happening to me you're basically
saying, I'm actually in control of everything and this is actually a shock that's something that's not in my control is happening to me. I can believe this is happening to me because life is unpredictable. Given that, I also can believe that I'm pretty resourceful and I'm pretty resilient. So I'm going to say how I'm interested to say how I can turn this situation around.
Okay, so there's many things that you can say that's not like like woo-hoo. Oh my god. I'm nothing nothing. I'm unscathed. Nothing's hurting me. You know, you can approach this very differently, but it's still dealing with the fact that something is happening to you. When something, you know, happens to you that or when you fail at something, you can say, or, you know, or a breakup or whatever, you could say,
I've handled this or I've handled worse or I've come out of something like this before. I can come out of this again. If anything, it'll be easier for me to come out of it this time because I've done it a couple of times before. All right. I also want you to look at
journaling prompts as well if that helps you. I think journaling prompts are really good because it sets you up for the day. It kind of gives you like an overall theme to think about for the day. I always talk about priming yourself for the day, whether that be physically or emotionally or mentally. So writing something down, ideally physically writing something down, there's something that's just special about pen to paper, physically doing it, where it's a statement where you could be like, how can I be kinder to myself today? Or how can I show myself patience today?
Or where can I prioritize my peace of mind today? Okay, things like that. Now, another thing that you can say, and I say this to myself quite often, this is a statement that I said to myself very, very often, and it really helps me. And that is if I can't control it, at least I'm not going to let it control me. And that has helped me through so many situations because I think this is happening to me.
But unfortunately, or fortunately, it's only up to me to decide how I proceed. I can't stop that thing from happening. There's so many things that are not in my control. So I can't stop a moving train. But I can have some level of input into how much that thing is going to control me.
because I have to decide where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do in response to this thing. Or if I'm not going to give it any airtime at all, I can either respond to it or remove myself from the situation altogether. So I say if I can't control it, at least I won't let it control me. Use it, abuse it, use it as much as you like, I love it. Number four is create
an emotional toolkit basically. So basically this is a toolkit that is going to help you, and I've spoken about this before, it's going to help you basically turn things around in that moment. It's kind of
Once you've done what you need to do, like I've addressed this thing, I'm not going to be bothered by it. I'm not going to try and control something. I can't control. Now I need to pivot. I need to pivot to get myself into a good mood. So this could be, you know, like I said, statements for yourself, affirmations, whatever, they're good pivots, but stronger pivots are going to be things like
You know, music is a really good one. Something that's going to, you know, bring on a strong positive emotion. So you've got to have one playlist that's kind of like your amp up playlist. It's like, all right, if pivoted, whatever. Now I'm going to listen to this music that always empowers me.
Or I'm going to read over, you know, like I've got a folder in my phone and it's screenshots of either beautiful messages that you guys have sent me or that like my friends and family have sent me, but like things that when I read, I'm like, oh, I feel so like grateful and loved and loving and all of that. It's a really nice feeling.
That could be one of those things. It could be a little like folder of photos that when you look at them, whether it's vision board photos or whether it's photos of your life, where it's just images of things that make you feel good about yourself. So that is this emotional toolkit. It's once we've identified the emotion, once we've done what we need to do to get in control, to be a bit more logical about it, then we want to have this pivot to pivot us into a better feeling state. That's huge. And it accelerates the process so much faster.
Now, the last one is I want you to, and this is huge and being unbothered. And it sounds pretty basic, but it's so fucking important. And from now on, every single day in the morning, at the start of the day at some point, I want you to say I'm going to prioritize
micro joy moments. So this is where I'm really going to lean in. There are so many times in the day where good, funny, happy things are happening, but we might just skim over them completely because our mind is somewhere else and we're being bothered about something that we actually cannot control. All right.
So I want you to really lean into these tiny, tiny moments instead of always having your mind being like, but the ultimate goal is there. That's the end goal. That's the end goal. Do you know how much you step over completely when you're focusing too heavily in your future about the end goal and this thing has to happen so much? Okay. And weirdly enough, when I zoom in,
Or not even zoom in, but when I am way more present and I'm focusing on these pockets of funny or joyful or adorable moments, when I get home and instead of just patting my dog on the head, but if I just sit down on the floor and I like really spend time and I don't have my phone on me and I'm just really present in that moment, these are micro join moments. I instantly get this surge of feel good.
emotions you know with I'm on the phone to someone I try and you know if possible obviously within reason I'll sometimes try and be like well I'm not gonna be looking up other things on my phone or doing something else I'm just gonna sit and have the phone there and have a nice conversation lean into this beautiful moment I'm going to like when funny things happen lean into that funny thing and really kind of
you know, be in that moment when it's happening. So, um, yeah, it's basically in a nutshell about being more present, but it is when something makes you smile, when something makes you laugh, when something, when these things happen, try and write it down and try and write it down. If possible in the moment, but if not, you can do it kind of at the end of the day. And it's a list of like joyful moments. And what that does is that the next time you experience that moment, because you wrote it down,
It reminds you of what it made you feel the last time, so you're more likely to lean into it this time to generate the same kind of feeling, all right? You become a person who's really big on these micro joy moments, and when you are in these moments, you're releasing all these feel-good neurochemicals, you're releasing dopamine, you're releasing serotonin, you're releasing oxytocin, you're feeling connected, you feel elated,
And then of course, when you feel that way, this chemical reaction in your brain is actually influencing how you perceive and feel about other things in your day. It puts shit into perspective and you're able to zoom out. Like the times that I've gone through really hard things in my life, if I've fested alone at home and I've been processing this really difficult thing, it feels like it is all consuming and it's taking over my life, right?
But then when I go and hang out with my family in the midst of this intense thing that I'm going through, if I go and hang out with my family and then we start playing games or doing puzzles or laughing or talking about things and joking, I can then think back about that stressor and think, oh my God, it's almost like it's shrunk. It still exists, but...
In such a short amount of time, I've shrunk it down. And the reason it's shrunk is because when put into perspective, when, you know, thrown in with all the other joyful things within your life that you can create and that can happen to you, it still exists, but it's not taking over my life. It is this pocket here, but there's all these other pockets here. And I'm able to take from all these other areas in my life a big mistake that we make myself included.
is that when something bad happens, unless it goes unchecked, obviously, I check in and I do these things and it works every time. But when it goes unchecked is you can then sit and this can grow and grow and grow into something that feels that you can't overcome it. So leaning into these micro joy moments actually helps you put things back into a bit of a perspective. It allows you to see that there's a lot of contrast in our life.
but we can be leaning more heavily into the things that make us feel good and that are good and not so heavily into the things that are like overbearing and making us feel really like way down and bothered and stressed. Okay, so let's go over the five things again. So you can fucking lean into your or enter your unbothered and thriving era in this life. So number one,
It is mastering the art of detachment. Number two, master the pause and of course the big sigh. Number three, rewire through self talk. Number four, create your emotional toolkit and number five, prioritize micro joy moments.
Guys, that is the podcast episode for today. Hopefully, even if you take one of those things on board, I think you're gonna feel good. You're gonna feel fabulous. You're going to start noticing a change. You can go from someone who is highly strung and flustered to unbothered queen, okay? That is all for today. Thank you so much for listening. I can't, I need to see you guys at my life show. I'm so excited.
I told. Anyway, I'm just feeling on top of the world. That is all for today. As always remember be kind to yourself, be kind to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone and especially don't take shit from yourself. Don't care.
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