3441: Boundaries and Me by Briana Harry of Yemash on How to Protect Personal Happiness and Growth

This is Optimal Living Daily, boundaries and me, by Brianna Harry of yaymash.com, and I'm Justin Malik. Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our network that I think will also help you live a life. That's a bit more happier and meaningful. This episode is coming from optimal relationships daily. So without further ado, here's Greg with another post as we optimize your life.

Boundaries and Me by Brianna Harry of yaymash.com In the past year, I've learned that failing to set boundaries will result in unhappiness. For me, that unhappiness has shown up as irritability, apathy and meanness.

The concept of setting boundaries has been a bit of a buzz topic for a while now, and I've had my moments of putting them in place for myself, but way more moments of advocating for others. Now I'm in a space when I really do see how necessary it is to set boundaries.

To live life the way I want to, takes thought. It means I have to be slow to act. This has been the biggest challenge, and will continue to be the main layer I have to peel away to master everything I'm going for. When I'm slow to act, when I'm being thoughtful in any given situation, I'm likely to notice that a boundary is being crossed or needs to be set.

When I'm on autopilot and just going with the motions, I'm far more likely to ignore my boundaries and end up in a mood or overall space that I don't want to be in. If you read a lot of my work, you may have seen me mention the cool girl. This cool girl is the inner persona that I created. I don't know when. She was once necessary. I needed her to keep me out of unwanted confrontation that at one point didn't feel safe.

She evolved, though. Over time, she made me tie a lot of my identity to being easygoing and careless. I had no preference. I was going with the flow. With love, I honor the cool girl, the ways she once made me feel safe. But now, no way, we're out of that space.

My perceived safety is not guaranteed, but I'm always safe. I'm in the business now of keeping that front of mind. I don't need to be right to be safe. I don't need to agree or want what people around me want. I'm loved and cared for enough to be given this space to cater to myself, and it's time that I do that.

I know I'm going to keep learning as I go, but a few spaces where I know I need to maintain my boundaries are as follows. My time slash productivity, my energy, and my body. I don't treat myself well when I allow others to impose upon my productivity and routines. I'm aiming to no longer be rigid, but if I'm completely falling off of what's really important to me to give my time to someone else, that's not a good look.

I'm also learning to set and maintain boundaries around my energy. I have to put limits on how much loness I allow myself to take in from others. I know a big part of being a loved one to someone is being there for them when things don't feel good for them. I'm with that, but I have to make sure that I limit myself if the conversation is too much so in the realm of complaints with no solution, gossip, or just talking down about self or others.

It doesn't make me feel good, and it doesn't make me a bad person to limit how much of it I listen to. As for my body, I'm continuously learning that it is mine. It's mine to love most and mine to take care of. I don't owe it to anyone, but I do owe it my attention and my intention. I want to eat with purpose, and I want to move regularly. That means setting more boundaries with myself, while also giving myself grace.

I'm also continuously learning that setting boundaries with some people could be much easier than with others. It also depends on what that boundary is. That's another reason why it's so important to me that I'm thoughtful. That I slow down and assess my needs and the best ways to communicate them. I'm setting boundaries differently with my mother than I am with myself or my potential partners or friends, none of which are less necessary than another.

Some parts of life are just about fine-tuning old lessons and learning how to apply things you've known for a while to the version of you who is currently present. That's where I am and a lot of different aspects, and I welcome it. I trust that the me I am right now is even more equipped to get my needs met, starting with setting the boundaries that are needed in every connection in my life, first and foremost, with myself.

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And many thanks to Brianna for this one. Great to hear from her again after a little while. Now, one thing that really interested me in this article was the cool girl persona that she mentioned. Now, I feel as though this could be taken a lot of different ways and that many of us have tried this persona on for size in one way or another, if not all of us. Some might even liken it to a Buddhist approach of living in which you're, you know, free to be accepting of everything, taking things in stride and staying present.

Surely this is a goal for many and it comes with a host of benefits, but there can be an inherent risk in relying on this persona in every scenario over an extended period of time. And that would be the loss of one's innate desires and hunger to pursue certain things or even allow ourselves to have combative thoughts.

For me, I feel it's really important to walk that line carefully and let this type of approach be a good tool for remaining calm and maybe rewiring anxiety-inducing responses. But what you don't often hear about is that struggle of those who are kind of in the recovery phase of this approach, you know, in which the thrill of pursuing things and the aliveness of having strong opinions or urges has left them.

A lot of life's thrill comes from those kind of messy, illogical, emotionally arousing pursuits. And ultimately, we don't want to shut them off completely. Some food for thought, everyone, as we wrap up. I really hope you enjoyed this post and took something from it. I certainly thought it provided a lot of good reminders. And do be sure to come on back tomorrow where I will have another post for you and where your optimal life awaits.