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    242. We’re All Liars: What’s Your Lying Style?

    enSeptember 19, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Revolutionizing Bra Industry with Comfort and Size Exclusivity vs. Effective and Gentle Baby CareBoth 3rd Love and Pampers prioritize solving common problems for their customers, 3rd Love with comfortable bras and size inclusivity, Pampers with effective and gentle baby care products.

      Both 3rd Love and Pampers prioritize solving common problems for their customers. 3rd Love revolutionized the bra industry with their half cup sizes and virtual fitting room, addressing issues of comfort and size exclusivity. Pampers, on the other hand, offers gentle protective care for babies with their Swaddlers diapers and leak-proof wipes, addressing the need for effective and gentle baby care products. Janelle's question about setting boundaries and telling the truth led to an exploration of the various lying styles we all use. The hosts discovered that we all lie, and the question isn't about telling the truth or lying, but rather understanding our individual lying styles. This episode delved into the topic of lying and truth, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own lying styles and the reasons behind them. 3rd Love's promo code for $15 off is "podcast15," and Pampers Club app offers exclusive savings and rewards with Pampers Cash.

    • Lies reveal societal norms and complexitiesLies serve as social lubricant but can hinder deeper relationships. Communicate needs honestly for authenticity and set boundaries based on context.

      Lies, including "little white lies," can reveal much about ourselves and our societal norms. While some lies serve as social lubricant to navigate everyday interactions, others hinder deeper, authentic relationships. The concept of "white lies" can be problematic, as it reinforces positive associations with whiteness and detracts from understanding the complexities of deception. To set healthy boundaries, it's essential to communicate our needs honestly and directly, fostering authenticity and teaching others about our expectations. Ultimately, the question of why we lie comes down to whom we owe the truth and in what context. Lies can help us navigate various parts of our relationships, but they should not replace authentic communication in deeper, more meaningful connections.

    • Understanding the role of deception in social interactionsDeception is common in social interactions, with up to 30% of lies told in one-on-one conversations. Being mindful of our intentions and the impact of our words is crucial for building authentic relationships.

      Our interactions with others involve a certain degree of deception, and understanding when and how to use it can help build stronger relationships. According to the speaker, there are two sides to a flowchart when responding to a question or situation: one where we don't care about the person and can lie to get out of it, and another where we want to build a relationship and reveal the truth. While lying is often seen as negative, it's a common occurrence in social interactions, with up to 30% of lies told in one-on-one conversations. Men and women lie differently, with men more likely to lie about themselves to impress and women more likely to tell altruistic lies to avoid hurting feelings. It's important to note that lies contain both awareness and intention. While we may not always mean to deceive, it's essential to be mindful of the impact our words have on others and strive for authenticity in our relationships whenever possible.

    • Understanding the Complexity of LiesLies involve intent to deceive and self-awareness, focusing on truthfulness of our own words is crucial, and assessing others' intentions is not always necessary or possible.

      A lie involves both intent to deceive and self-awareness. It's not about being mistaken or unintentionally misleading. For example, answering "I'm fine" when asked "how are you," even though you've had a terrible day, can be considered a lie. However, assessing others' intentions is not always necessary or possible. Instead, focusing on the truthfulness of our own words is essential. We live in a society where not every situation calls for the truth, and we engage in various forms of social lies, such as compulsory or necessary lies. Determining what a lie is can be complicated, and it depends on individual experiences and upbringing. Therefore, it's important to avoid labeling every untruth as a lie, as the dilution of the term can make it meaningless.

    • Lies and Trust: A Complex RelationshipLies, whether intentional or by omission, can impact recipients significantly. Trust is crucial, but intent and relationship with the recipient matter when deciding whether to be truthful or not.

      Not all lies are created equal, and some lies, although technically untruthful, can be considered wise decisions to protect oneself or others. The speaker emphasizes that trust is a crucial aspect of vulnerability and should be given to those who have earned it. Lies, especially those by omission, can have significant impacts on the recipient, similar to direct untruths. The speaker's personal anecdotes illustrate how lies can stem from a desire to be special or important, and how they can be used as a form of protection. The intent behind a lie is essential to consider, and sometimes, it can be a wise choice to withhold information from those who are not trustworthy or have not earned it.

    • Privilege and the need to hide the truthThe truth can be a privilege, and societal norms and lack of acceptance may compel individuals to hide it, especially for marginalized groups. Creating safe spaces for authentic truth-sharing is crucial.

      The ability to tell the truth is a privilege that not everyone has the freedom to exercise without negative consequences. The speaker shares her personal experience of feeling the need to manufacture a sense of belonging and hiding the truth from her parents due to a lack of acceptance for imperfections or human emotions. She also highlights how certain groups, such as women or people of color, may be discouraged from expressing their truth and instead learn to conceal it to protect themselves. The speaker emphasizes the importance of considering the environment and societal norms that may compel individuals to lie. Additionally, she discusses the role of trust and mutual expectation in sharing the truth with others. The speaker concludes that asking for someone's truth is a significant request and requires a strong bond of trust. Overall, the conversation underscores the importance of creating spaces where individuals feel safe and encouraged to share their truths authentically.

    • Understanding the complexities of truth and lyingRecognize the nuances of honesty and dishonesty, and aim for authenticity while considering context and consequences.

      While honesty is important, there are times and situations where lying or withholding the truth can serve protective functions for ourselves and others. The concept of lying is complex and nuanced, with adaptive and maladaptive uses. Abby and I have identified our personal lying styles - Abby as a bullshitter and me as a puppeteer - which may not always be related to protection. Honesty can be challenging, especially for those who have grown up in environments where lying is common or have adopted bullshitting as a way of being. Ultimately, it's essential to recognize the complexity of truth and lying and strive for authenticity while also considering the context and potential consequences of our words.

    • Insecurities and the need to belong drive people to fabricate informationPeople may lie or make things up to fit in and establish a sense of authority, but these actions often create unease and discomfort.

      People may feel the need to present themselves as knowledgeable or fabricate information due to insecurities and a desire for belonging. This was revealed in a conversation where one person shared their experience of feeling inadequate in an intellectual family and resorting to lying or making things up to fit in. The conversation also touched upon the topic of parenting and the lies we tell as part of the daily struggle to get through the day. However, the speaker acknowledged that these lies often create a sense of unease and discomfort within them. It's important to note that these lies are usually harmless and not meant to deceive others, but rather to establish a sense of authority and knowledge. The speaker also acknowledged their own skill in reading a room and identifying what others don't know, allowing them to assert untruths in those areas. Overall, the conversation highlights the complexities of human behavior and the motivations behind our actions.

    • Navigating environments without the expectation of truthRecognize the value of authenticity while adapting to situations where truth may not be necessary, but also strive for truthfulness in important relationships and situations.

      In some social situations, the expectation of truth may not exist, and engaging in "bullshit" conversations can be a way to navigate such environments. However, it's important to recognize that constantly lying or bullshitting can impact self-worth and hinder authentic connections. It's essential to strive for truthfulness while also acknowledging the value of simply existing and not feeling the need to constantly prove one's worth through knowledge or fabricated stories. In the realm of home shopping, resources like homes.com can provide valuable information to help alleviate the stress and uncertainty of the process. Ultimately, it's crucial to find a balance between authenticity and adaptability in various aspects of life.

    • Having honest conversations about lying and accountability in relationshipsEstablishing boundaries and accountability through open discussions about truth and deception in relationships is crucial for strengthening bonds and teaching children critical thinking skills.

      Having honest and meaningful conversations about lying and accountability in relationships is crucial. Trust is essential in a marriage, but it's important to acknowledge that people are not perfect and may still tell white lies. However, it's essential to distinguish between harmless white lies and more significant deceptions. These conversations help establish boundaries and accountability, allowing both parties to grow and strengthen their bond. The discussion also highlighted the importance of teaching children critical thinking skills and encouraging them to question the truth of what they are told, while still maintaining trust and open communication with their parents. Overall, the conversation between Abby and Glennon emphasized the importance of having ongoing, open, and honest discussions about the complexities of truth and deception in relationships.

    • Exploring the Complexity of Lying in RelationshipsHonest communication about lying can lead to self-discovery and relationship growth. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lying habits and share experiences.

      Open communication and honesty, even about lying, can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partners. The speaker, who has been in therapy, suggests that partners can help each other identify their own lies and motivations behind them, leading to growth and improvement in relationships. The podcast's hosts also encourage listeners to reflect on their own lying habits and share their experiences, creating a community of people willing to confront and discuss difficult topics. The podcast itself relies on listener support through following, rating, and sharing episodes, and is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios.

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