#2256 - Protect Our Parks 14
en
January 14, 2025
TLDR: Stand-up comedians Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir discuss comedy on this podcast episode. Shane's series and special are available on Netflix. Mark's stand-up special is also on Netflix. Ari's comedy special 'Jew' is available on YouTube; his new special 'America’s Sweetheart' can be found on Netflix.
In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, comedians Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir delve into a wide array of topics ranging from the absurdity of internet culture to the realities of societal issues such as homelessness, climate change, and much more.
Key Takeaways
Homelessness and Climate Change
- Discussion on Climate Change Contributions: The hosts humorously speculate on individuals igniting fires and contributing to climate issues, contrasting it with the serious ramifications of wildfires.
- Homelessness: The conversation highlights the intersection of homelessness with urban living and how frustration builds in neighborhoods with wealth disparity.
- Looting During Emergencies: They recount experiences and stories of looting following evacuations, questioning moral implications when desperation is a factor.
Comedy and Artistic Integrity
- Comedians Discussing Life Changes: During discussions about their experiences and challenges, there is an emphasis on the need for comedians to adapt and evolve within the entertainment industry.
- Notable Figures: They touch on various influential comedians and their career trajectories, revealing insights about the pressures within the comedy scene.
Cultural Commentary
- Skepticism Towards Politics: The podcast reflects skepticism towards government operations and political figures, particularly highlighting the shifting dynamics in public trust post-COVID.
- Changing Media Landscape: They lament how traditional media has lost its way, drawing comparisons to the powers of social media and the people who still thrive on it.
- Reactions to the Modern Day Upheavals: From cultural movements to actual law changes, they discuss how various groups are responding to shifting cultural norms and the comedic reactions they provoke.
Humor and Absurdity in Society
- AI in Media: The episode discusses the ramifications of AI-generated media on reality, touching on the absurdity that arises from the blending of truths and fabrications in modern content.
- Stupid Conspiracy Theories: They joke about the outlandish conspiracy theories that circulate, emphasizing how detached reality can seem in the face of sensational claims.
Personal Reflections
- Ari's Upcoming Fatherhood: Ari shares his insights about expecting his first child and the complexities he anticipates.
- Pursuing Happiness: There’s a consensus that nurturing one's happiness and mental health should persist despite the chaos around them.
Conclusion
The conversation is filled with witty banter, insightful commentary, and personal anecdotes from the comedians, offering a unique perspective on relevant issues while keeping the tone light and engaging. Whether discussing the absurdities of the modern world or personal experiences in comedy, the underlying message remains clear: humor serves to illuminate and confront the ridiculousness of life.
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The Joe Rogan experience
I've been doing a set in RE that my algorithm is flooded with Jewish stuff. My algorithm is flooded with like Jew rules. They just rules from like low level influencers in the Hasidic community. It's crazy what you like. I get so many of them every day. So I send them to the rules. Oh, it's all like, are you allowed when you're fried?
When you use your frying pan bags, are you allowed to use it for me? Say you go on vacation, and your pot is in kosher. What can you do on the Sabbath? You're gonna take it to the ocean, throw it in the ocean. They're throwing the fucking pots in the ocean until you make it kosher. Can you have to let go of it? You have to let go of it. They have a rule, you have to drop it in the water and let go of it. All of these rules? Oh yeah, those people are. And it's also funny, like you click on the link he sent you. And the first thing you hear is,
I'm gonna put the fires out with the weather. Get some rain over there. Yeah, they don't really control the weather, obviously. Obviously not. Otherwise, hurricanes wouldn't hit Florida. Good point. They barely get their pots kosher. Yeah. No, they make them hit Florida so they get their wills. Yeah, it's hilarious that some people are saying climate change. This is climate change. This is fucking awesome. That wasn't a joke. That wasn't a joke. That wasn't a joke. That was a whiny liberal. This is climate change.
I think it's Mr. Beast. He's setting up a new video. That's a strong accusation. No, no, just kidding. But they've been trying to get rid of the homeless for a while. Bro, the homeless are doing it. Well, they're flammable.
Everyone is but they they're more inclined to use fire to get their anger out. Yeah, that's true Yeah, Superman actually caught people lighting things on fire. He filmed it He put it up on his Instagram. Really? Yeah. Yeah in the middle of the firestorm people were lighting things on fire to contribute to the fire Wow, you've got losers You have a hundred thousand losers that are just camping on your street
what do you think it's going to happen what do you think it's going to happen when the people with the houses are in jeopardy what do you think it's going to happen when these people are living in fifty million dollar houses and you're camping out a block away which is exactly what's going on over there
And the looting. And the looting? Well, they looted people's houses. When they found out that places were getting evacuated, swarms of organized gangs were showing up. This lady said 100 guys showed up in front of this house. And she thought they were helping our neighbor move. They just broke down the door and started stealing TVs, stealing everything. Whoa, whoa, that house burned down. That's kind of a win- If the house burned down. But what if the house doesn't burn down? You just stole all their shit. Yeah, right. Yeah.
It's like you can't do that, because it's a great... I'm not actually the ventilator. But I see their point too, if I was super poor. Yeah! If I was super poor, and we were living in the fucking hood, and then someone came along and said, look, they're evacuating these fucking communities anyway, man, fuck it, let's go get paid. Like, let's go get paid. Yeah, the house can burn down, they're gonna get insurance. And if you look at what you get caught, they just let you go.
Yeah. That's true. They just let you go. And then didn't Biden say he's given full coverage for this one? How can that be? That's so much money. The same thing is, you know, forgiving college. College desk. He just says it. It will actually come. Don't knock it apart. He also said he was going to beat in Trump. He said that too. That's crazy.
No, no, in the election. Oh, wow. Beat Trump. Oh, yeah, he said he could beat him in a fight, too. That would be great. Imagine those two fighting. How much would you pay? It'd be just like the Jake Paul Tyson fight. To be there, that thing. Justice fake. He's so sad. Yeah. Trump would get him, though. Trump would fall. Oh, 100%. Oh, 100%. Trump would bite his face off. He would grab his thumbs, shove them into his eyes, and bite his face off.
There are two totally different kinds of humans. Biden is used to like secret service around him his whole life. Trump is a psychopath. He will throw those thumbs right as fucking eyeballs like the mountain did to the gay guy in Game of Thrones.
Well, it's a Steven Seagal movie, too. Where you did that? Was it? Who did it with the Jamaicans? Who was that? Well, Steven Seagal was trying to hit a movie. Yeah, with the sword fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The eyeball, the guy, man. Listen, man, if you watch the UFC eyeball, folks, even to the most badass fucking dudes in the world are devastating. Crazy. Like a nut shot is way easier to recover from than a fucking hard eye poke.
That's true. It is funny to see them all tough and they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's just so crazy. We still have this you still allow fingers my eyeballs is totally unnecessary This doesn't contribute to fighting have it fingers free. I'll let the John Jones saying I know what take them all up No, no, they need a glove that covers the fingers It's real simple and then you have thumb still, but you're gonna eliminate the imagine
That's what Trump would do to Biden. That's crazy. Now these were Jamaican drug dealers, I think, gang members. Jesus.
No, you know, it's a good movie Alien Romulus the new alien movie I went on a little vacation and I watched it on the plane. Oh my god You gotta be careful. They'll play movie man plane movies seem better than they are the getcha every time I want a plane I go that movie was fucking incredible. Yeah, I go home and show it to someone
I cried watching home alone. I cried. I cried every time. Your emotions go up. You're about to die yet. You're not an edible. I watched Rudy once. I was like fist bump. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I get my gun. My cusker walked by me and I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy. And it was at the end when it was just aliens. One of the guys dies in it. And then it's just a bunch of aliens show up and like celebrate his life. Yeah. And I was sobbing. He walked by and it was just aliens. Like, do you guys? Are you guys old enough? What's wrong with you?
Are you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane? Yes, one movie. Yeah. I know you're old enough. It's starting now. Yeah, you would have to pay for headsets. Yeah. Again, if you're cheap, you just watch some of the movie with no sound. You have to pay for their stupid, disposable headsets. I don't even know if you're allowed to use your own. Didn't they have like a special Jack? No one had their own. All you have is a Sony Walkman's. Walkman had a little headphone jack. I think they had a three-thing Jack. Yes.
That's right. That's right. And you try to put your thing in and it'll go, yeah. Sort of here. That's right. Now I'm remembering that. We were born in a community back then. We all had to watch the same shit. Why are the headphones that give you suck? Not only do they suck, but you're only renting them.
Well, no, I know that is why they suck, but they've got to be able to make them better. Yeah, they're too loud. The planes are loud. So you don't have the noise cancellation. You're still getting like the breaking and making our announcement. That's at level seven. Oh my God.
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How bad is it to have little electronic things in your fucking ear? I do it all day, every day. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah. I've done quite a bit. Yeah. How bad is it for you?
I mean, it can't be good. No, it's terrible. We'll find out. It's like smoking. Like people talk about, but it's one of those things where it's like hotly debated among even conspiracy theorists. Like some people say it's going to kill you and other people is going to say, where's the bodies? No, but you're hearing goes down, right? I don't think so. Well, you're hearing definitely goes down if you hear loud things. Yeah. So, but if you have it low,
You know, at a reasonable level, and you have it in your ear, the real question is, what's the electrical shit doing to your head? Oh. What's the EMF frequency doing to your head? Yeah, who the hell knows? I'm going to let it ride on it. I'm going to see what happens. I like your phones. Well, they've been saying this. Fuck it. They say that plug-in ones are better than the wireless. That makes sense. Plug-in ones are OK. I can't live with them. They're the best. They're the best. They're so good. Right in your pocket.
Yeah, but the same cell phone gives you cancer of the balls for years. All that shit. Yeah, I talked to some dude who had ball cancer and he told me that he got ball cancer on his right ball because that's where he kept his phone. And we're just looking at each other. I'm like, huh?
I'm not sure if that's real. Was that Lance Armstrong? No, I was a regular dude. I would imagine Lance Armstrong. I'm not a doctor, obviously. But if you spend that much time with your nuts getting smashed by your whole body while you're pumping your legs up and down, that's got to be irritating.
And if you're not Hertz and you're Lance Armstrong, you're going to keep pumping. Yeah, yeah. You're going to keep pumping. The roids or whatever. Who knows what that is. I don't think I think it's more of, well, I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's the amount of time on a bike. Yeah, right. That's got to be brutal. I stay off those fucking things. Yeah, stay away. I got to do it twice. Again, I'm not a doctor, but for a regular person.
for a regular person. Let's find this out. What's Google? Is there a higher rate of testicular cancer among cyclists? It's like CTE of the sack. You're just constantly pressuring it. Yeah, you're getting hammered.
You're both sides of you. You're both freaking out one day in your life. You're both just killing God. You're going to make retarded kids with it. It's bad, bro. Your balls are getting smashed all day on a hard seat. It's not even a comfortable seat. No. Remember those seats we have over kids with the back to it? Oh, yeah. Sit on a bike. You remember that already? You were running a hula hoop down the street with a stick.
Does cycling increase risk for testicular or prostate cancer? Good. I'm not alone in my concern. So it says professional cycles. Number of studies have looked into the link. The findings to date are inconclusive. This question comes up often.
Well, the thing is, how many of those dudes are getting cancer compared to regular people? Just give me the data. Is it the same? The amount of activity they're doing also counteracts, cancer stuff. Oh, right. Of course. Of course. That makes sense. Maybe it does up until a point toward a front.
Like, I read an article where they were explaining, and a doctor actually told me that, he said, this is true. You're better off doing the Tour de France on steroids. Of course. Because it's actually healthier for you to do on steroids. What? I said, how? And he said, because it's so hard, your body gets destroyed in a regular immune system, a regular endocrine system, just can't keep up. Yeah. Just can't keep up. You almost almost need blood doping. You almost need EPO. You almost need steroids.
Damn. The problem is the guys on the street dressed as Lance Armstrong who think they're on the road. Oh, those guys. Yeah. Yeah. They take over the whole lane and they're going five miles an hour. They're straight shorts. Yeah, the shorts, the pointy helmet. Shut up. Well, the thing is when they get a group of them together and they act like a gang and they take over the whole lane. Yeah. The guys go to the side. I'll be real patient and I'll
Yeah. But I want to go to work. I have stuff to do. And I could kill you so easily. This is cycling is the most or highest rated endurance. Whoa. Soccer's got to be up at eight. OK. Eight. Boxing's eight point six. Interesting. Depends on who you're boxing. Swimming. Wow. Huh.
I don't know. How are they proving that? Because where's wrestling? Yeah, where's wrestling? If you don't think wrestling is in the top, you're out of your fucking mind. It's way down there. Fuck off. What is it? Getting your skin, Dorins. Listen to me. Fuck off. Basketball is ahead of wrestling.
Fuck off. They play longer. Shut your fucking dirty mouth. And American football should be up there. That's between breaks. There's a lot of breaks. There's a lot of breaks. There's a lot of breaks. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There's a break. It's a fucking grueling and it's three hours. For sure. Soccer for cardio fitness. Yeah, you never stop. They walk around a lot. But no one's punching you in the body.
Okay, water polo, that's a nice thing. It's way harder than those, way harder, because you're getting endurance, why are you getting pummeled? I see. And then wrestling, a guy is clinching up with you 100% of the time. Have you tried to, have you, you just wrestle? We wrestle sometimes, no, no, no, but you're careful at the 10 seconds. True. It is so hard to do. And Olympic wrestling, like those guys are the fittest athletes on earth. They're animals.
Those guys, their strength and conditioning routine is fucking crazy. When Daniel Cormier was telling me about this Russian dude that he could not be, he's like, we're so lucky this guy never fought. He goes, because I forget the dude's name like Ramzat, some crazy ass name. He said his strength and conditioning coach, he couldn't break him. He just kept giving him more shit to do and he wanted more.
And he was like, what the fuck, man? He goes, I was trying to break him. He used Daniel Cormier's routine. He just kept adding things. And this dude just wanted to keep doing more. He said he would have beaten all of us. He said, we've never been successful with this guy far in UFC. He needs it. Jun Tada overthrow. See, if you can find her that guy's name is, but he's an.
I'm all who's that new go beetle mally that guy's pretty vicious. Oh my Rob. Well, he's fighting this weekend against the toughest guy he's ever faced He's like no more number go bad off one more is Khabib's cousin, and he's a fucking savage Yeah, he's but he's different than Khabib in that he's a striker like he's got a wicked wrestling and wicked submissions But he started off as a kickbox or his fucking kicks are nasty
I want to know who kicked Khabib off that plane. Wait, what? Crazy? Isn't that crazy? I don't know what happened. Some lady came up to Khabib when he was on the flight because he was in the escape row. Whatever it is. He was on a, whatever it was in Alaska. It wasn't Alaska. Okay. No, it was some frontier. So there's a video of it. It's crazy. He's telling her, you know, I can do this. I'm by the stick. Like, I understand English. I can speak English and they kick him off the fucking plane.
Because he couldn't get an exit row thing. What? It's crazy. Oh, the verbal response. Why is he flying front to you? He comes to me with questions. Very rude for the very beginning. He's saving up his money, man. That's why he's not fighting anymore. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care, man. The guy drives a Toyota. Oh, even though I speak very decent English and can understand everything and agree to assist, she still insists on removing me from my seat.
What was the base for that racial, national, or other one? I'm not sure. But after two minutes of conversation, she called security. And I was deep playing from this aircraft after 1.5 hours, I boarded another airline, one, and left to my destination. I did my best to stay calm and respectful, as you can see in the video. But those crew members could do better next time and just be nice with clients. Pretty calm. Very calm way to say. He had to work so hard with the English on that tweet. Yeah. Just to be like, I can't. I wish I was on that plane. I wish I was on that plane. Maybe she was just a conner fan.
Maybe she thinks John Jones is the goat. Yeah, she's like fuck off. I'm a John Jones fan. Yeah. That was the goat talk between those two. It's weird when these super mercenary killers just can't win. He's like, I got to get off the plane. I can't beat you up. Yeah, somebody can have control over him. Meanwhile, he can beat up everybody on the planet. It's really crazy when you watch it.
Removing the whole plane. Yeah, you can play it if you want a little to switch sweets to somebody
Damn. She's saying they're not comfortable. What? He should have just started swinging. Yeah, it's a bad just not trans. Wow, I don't get it.
This is crazy! I mean, didn't Mike Tyson hit a guy on a plane? Yeah, at this different situation, the Mike Tyson guy was a drunk guy that was fucking with Mike Tyson. She deserves it. At this point, he's like, yeah, Cole Superman, hold on to my side on this. Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful. He obviously speaks English and he knew, yeah, he said, I'll assist. I'll open the door. Fucking white ladies.
It's people are crazy. I sit in that fucking row. They put fucking slobs in that row. Yeah, so fuck. Well, you love to be on that flight. Go, ma'am, do you know who that is? Yeah. Like, do you know who that is? Like, just let me tell you who that is. Let me Google him real quick. He's the eagle. Yeah. Jesus Christ. The only reason he's not killing you right now is because he's not in his own country. Yeah. Oh, my God. Imagine she did that in Dagestan. They throw in a hole. I got a hole just for liberal ladies.
If you live in a place where war was recent, they don't, they have no room for horseshit.
You know if you go to those Chechnya type places like there's no room for horseshit. No no room for horseshit. They're they're going old school. They're they kill gay guys They do wild. Yeah, they do wild shit. Great. I think it's a legal shit. Yeah, there's countries where it's illegal to be gay. They'll kill you paradise
Why are you gay? But you know it's crazy. It says I am gay. Why are you gay? That is amazing. You are transgender. Legit had a question. You don't understand it. It says I am gay. You are gay.
Yeah, it's weird to just add an airport. I think he's going to care about it.
Why are you gay? What? You are gay. Is that Karen Best? Yeah. You are a transgender. And you're gay rights activist and un-outspoken, uh, uh, lesbian, homosexual. How do they describe you?
That's actually like an impressive activist should someone be gay the lady yeah, I mean she's in a country where people are like
What the fuck wrong with you? She's like, we're just trying to get some rights. Yeah, she's not tweeting about it. She's going there. I like that. It just shows you like Uganda. You can complain all you want about America. She's going to be gone to the middle. They're going to throw her off a building.
Yeah, literally. Yeah, there's parts of this world gone. But when I was saying about places where, you know, you can't be gay, like heavily Muslim places, my friend Evan, the black rifle coffee guy, you just met him the other day, Evan Haver, he was telling me a story on the podcast about how many guys over there fuck kids.
What? Afghanistan? He said it's unbelievable. But it's not gay. We were just having this conversation. Fuck boys. It's all over. All right, boys and girls. Girls get married off when they're like nine years old, 80 year old men. It's crazy. Well, that's in the crowd. You're looking at a part of the world that like
Never went through the enlightenment. You know, you're looking at a part of the world that's been war torn and like sort of separate from them. They're like old school people. This is like a window into the past. Oh yeah. You can look at it in 2025 and it's a window to probably how the whole world behaved a thousand years ago.
Why aren't more people mad at that? Why do we get yelled at for saying homo or whatever? They don't publicize it. So it's not something that gets discussed until someone comes on a podcast and talks about it or you go serve over their overseas. Most guys don't know. My friends who've gone there and experienced it say it's it fucking truly.
curdles your blood they just all have their boys all all over the place and open open everywhere so to them they're like leonard okay there's videos that is number one there's videos of boys like dancing for old men
Like sticking their ass out and twerking for old men. It's crazy. They film it. Whoa, see, Diddy. We hold him to the fire. He's just Muslim. That's just normal up there. Yeah, Jeffrey Epstein. It's not even regular. It's not like regular Muslim. It's like there's something ancient about what that is. Oh, 100%. Islam's not. It's Middle East. It's Middle East. Yeah. It's just this part of the world is.
It's not my dick Dave Chappelle is Muslim, right? That area. How do you how can you be Muslim and drink though? You can be a question. Can you be Jew and not throw your pan in the water? Yeah, you just not the best you Gossip, you're still Christian brother. Yeah Borat song throw the Jew down the well
Oh my god, you can't be fiend. And that bar would be like, it's a catchy song. It's an easy thing on the way. He was just grabbing by his horns. Oh my god. The running of the Jew was such a great opening. He came back and did a one like years later. He took a long time off of Borac, let it kind of go away. You know, so a bunch of people don't know what it is. And then he pulled it off again.
Bruno Bruno was the funniest fucking thing did is that work is that one bomb? I think they yeah Bruno was hilarious. It was so funny. I love it. I watch him playing cry Guy's so courageous. Yeah, the balls it takes to pull that off and make it that funny Although Bora too. He's kind of shitting on a lot of poor people and I got weird
Yeah. I don't know if you saw that one. Yeah, but you know, you take your swings. Yeah, sure. Sometimes you connect. Sometimes you're shitting on poor people. Yeah, I guess so. But it used to be okay to do that. Like Sam Kennison's best bit was the bit about starving kids in Africa. Oh my God, it's so funny. The fucking bit was so good. Oh, where there's food. Hey, come here. That's Sam. You don't have to be 100 years from now. Fucking Sam. We got deserts in America too. We just don't live in them. Asshole. Oh.
Yeah, George Carlin saw that and was like, that guy's good, which got a great feeling. Because he had that preacher thing, you know, he had that preacher thing that he brought to stand up. And it makes you realize like, God, all these alt guys who get mad at people like putting out effort.
Like, you're being silly. It's whatever is the best way you can get that idea out. And for Kenison, imagine him doing his shit deadpan. Like, shut up. Shut the fuck up. It's part of his fucking primal anger. Same thing with Hedberg being weird. It's like part of delivery. Yes, right. Same thing. And they hear one. They ask them, Kenison, like, how come you don't make fun of women? You don't make fun of men. He goes, a man has never made me want to drive into a tree.
He died by a drunk driver? By a drunk driver. Yeah, not crazy. Well, I always remember his bits. You know, when I was in high school, one of my friends killed somebody, driving drunk. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't a good friend of mine, but as a kid, I went to high school. Ted Kennedy? I always say hi to him. He's a nice guy.
He fucked up. He got really drunk one night and he crashed his car and he killed his friend. And so, Kenison used to have this joke where he would be like, he goes, we're going to drink and we're going to drive and we're going to pull it off! You know why? Because we do it every fucking guy!
To me, this was like... That ended well. This was Kinison when he was doing like an impression of Kinison. Like, Kinison is a cautionary thing. Yeah. Yeah. Because Kinison was the best on Earth for like three or four years. The best on Earth. But the partying and the fame, and it all went away. If you're a stand-up comedy fan, I implore you, this is what you do. You go listen to Louder Than Hell, it's hard to find because it was so homophobic that Warner Brothers wouldn't sell it.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so homophobic. But please, it's art. Watch that, listen to that, and then watch his HBO special. They're both fucking great. They're both great. It's two amazing hours. Then, watch, have you seen me lately? Then, watch the one he did after that. That was tough. They're so bad. They're so bad. He's like playing rock and roll music. He's got a bandana on. He's so fat now. He's so fat. He's like a ball.
He believed it was on hype too, he really bought into it. He was selling that instead of being Sam Kinison. So it's like he got to the dance and then he was selling on Sam Kinison instead of the fucking insight. And the comedy, it was just too much partying, too much blow, too much food and drink. He had girls on leashes in the beginning, it was silly. It just became so dumb. Makes you think, does the Middle East love 80s comedy?
It's just Betty Murphy, like these faggots and they're like, yes, yes. They probably do. This is relatable. Yes, but not if it's boy, right? Yeah, it's like those that here's the thing about Kennison, though. This is what people have to kind of understand. Until Kennison and Dice come along, no one is selling out arenas. This is a new thing. But did Kennison do arenas? He did pretty big places because I saw him at Great Woods. Great Woods in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Find out what the capacity for that is.
Never heard of great woods. I used to work there. Oh, is this a security guard? Yeah, I was a security guard there. Ralphie open for once. He wanted contest when he was a kid. Wow. But he just started. He was 17. Wanna contest? Hold on. That's a fact. Would it be? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. What are you saying? I'm just not even looking up. Listen, 19,000. OK, so he played in 19,000.
No, no, that's the X infinity center. That's different. Oh. This is expanded. Oh, okay. So it used to be 12,000. So that's where I saw them. So I saw them in a 12,000 seater. That's crazy. But when I saw them, it was when it was already declining. It was the, or the material was just not, I didn't engage with it at all. Like the first thing I thought was genius. I saw the HBO thing. I was like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. And then when I saw them live, I was like, ooh, this is like, this is missing stuff. It's like missing a, it's not funny.
It's missing from it. It's like a lot of hype, but he was just partying, man. And he just became bigger than life. And then probably didn't have any friends, Ralphie Mary, shares a story of Sam Kennes and jump-starting his career. There you go.
Wow, that's crazy. So it is true. Yeah, we said he came in and they were like, they were like all like, like, started off like they were doing blow. And they're like, Hey, you're that kid? Okay, I'll meet you in a second. Like close the door. We're doing that. I'm just thinking about the numbers. Like, how can Ralphie May? What year was Ralphie May 17?
you know because i was twenty one in eighty-eight and so how much when did ralphie open up for sam it has to be around them cuz sam was dead in nine sam was dead in what was he dead jamie ninety-seven ninety one or ninety i was in new york so it had to be ninety-two
92. Bam. Yeah. That's about. So yeah, we're opening up for him somewhere in the night. I didn't know that Ralphie had done comedy that long. Yeah, he was good. He's a good comic. Yeah. Yeah, that was that's way crushed. Oh, yeah. The stool.
Such a friendly dude, too. Yeah. Such a sweetheart. Also, he was so fat that he could do the N word. Yeah. That's the worst of me. It's like Big Pond. That's where everyone was like, you could say it. I'm going to take that name. Big Pond. A little pun. A little pun. I think in New York, Puerto Ricans get a pass. They do. Yeah. Yeah. I think Big Pond freeled a bit away.
Yeah, Wikipedia says he won a contest open. Oh, wow. How could I be right? Damn, he was only 45 when he died. He was only 45 when he died. Play-offs. We're talking about play-offs. You bet we are. Get in on the action with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Scoring touchdowns is key to winning the playoffs, and you can score big by betting on them at DraftKings, the number one place to bet touchdowns.
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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG.co.com. Damn. I know this is off topic. Google how much Big Pun laid when he died. Oh, no. You're never going to guess how fucking big he was. Really? How many? He busted it. It was hilarious. Tell me. Now, just guess. Oh, I say. I'm not a good guess. 420. Oh, yeah. I guess you've been. Hey, wait. Can you show a picture of Big Pun? Yeah, that's better. I could give you a roundabout from a picture. Fat Joe and Big Pun together on the red carpet. It's one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen.
That Joe lost weight, by the way. How were these guys cool? Yeah, he lost a lot. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Damn, big and tall store. Killed it. OK, his knees have to be screaming and hanging. Which Spider-Man villains they look like? Oh, yeah. Kingpin. Kingpin. Yeah. Wow. Damn. He's got the Doc Ock gloss. Also, when you're that heavy, do you really want that much weight around your neck? That's nothing at that point. It's actually a quarter percent. It's like riding free willy at that point.
Okay. Wow. So much fabric. How much do you think you raise? Five. The one on the left. I'd say 580. 600.
600 minimum. Big ton. Check it out. 698. Wow. Whoa. That looks like a 600 for me. Yeah. He put one foot on two different scales. And then both went over the total. Yeah. And he was like the best. Was it? No. Big pun. Old big pun is like. Oh, his raps are phenomenal. Really? Phenomenal. Yeah. He's phenomenal. But yeah, that's actually in a Vinnie Pads song. He says big pun was the best. Yeah. Yeah. The Italian boxer?
No, Vinnie pass the rapper. Oh, you know, Vinnie pass the rapper? Yeah, hold on for a second. It's so good. Is he still alive? Maybe not live. No, bro. He's fucking phenomenal. Rap live kind of blows. Hello, help. It doesn't. It's just a different thing.
Yeah, it's a lot of breath, but it's real. I'd be out breath. You ever try to sing that song pull up a cheese steaks from Vinny Paz You guys never heard of any past. He's from Philly. Yeah, it was good fun. Do you know him? Yeah, I know of him to bro. Give me the video for cheeses a boxer Yeah, there was a video. There was a boxer Yes, but this is this is a friend of mine
That's why he likes big part. This guy is good. This one song will turn you into a Vinnie Pass fan. Look how beautiful Philadelphia is. It had a moment. Wait, can you go back to the secretary pandemic? This is where I called that guy a faggot. He sounds a piece of shit, right?
Right there. That was the light. I was racing to that light because helium's right here. Yeah, I was racing to that light and I saw that guy the whole wank of that bridge. Is that the train station? That's 30th Street Station. This is before a train.
I pull a icy and warm my life in the song The reason why the Viking didn't go on a bison is born on me a god Michael is born the uranium fission secret of the hydrogen bomb The Bible is gone y'all are watching a Viking perform and then
That guy's got some bangers, man. He's got some bangers. Yeah, there's like there's a few rappers out there that don't get like the respect they deserve that dude has some bangers. He's got some great fucking songs.
Oh yeah, is he Puerto Rican? No, he's Italian. Oh, he's Italian. Wow. Damn. I think almost entirely. South Italy. He might have some other stuff in too. That looks, that's got South Philly written all over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I feel it down for you. Here we go.
A giant boxing historian too. He is comedian Patton Oswalt. That's hilarious. He really does. He's like this Tyler Durden. Well, if he wore a fat suit, then he would have to wear a fat suit. There you go. It's just crazy. Nailed it.
Yeah, a lot of comedians become rappers. That's always a bummer. Tom McCaffrey. Joe Barrosa. Joe Barrosa is rapping. He's got a band band. Saggle is a rapper. See? Shaggle is actually kind of good. It's kind of good. It's a couple out there. It's all words. It's lyrics. You know, it's jokes. That's so funny.
Lil Wayne has some lyrics where you're like, that is super funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Denny Brown. Denny Brown stuff is fun. Oh, yeah. There you go. Definitely. Put you out like Hannibal Burris. The Drake. The Drake Kendrick beef had some very funny. Yes. Yes. Drake said he's like, is it when you put your hands on your woman as itself defense because she's bigger than you?
Very funny made fun of your tiny little thing Andrew caught him pedophile and kind of What do you do it man? Take it easy Jesus Drake one that escalated I stand by it the best was the whatever the original
like this rap from what's his name the Kanye put him on to it's like you you have a child you do not take care of oh fucking what's his name was snakes push a tee god damn that hard not the best song
Yeah, I don't know it these distractors are gonna really wrap. I think you could with Well, yeah, you can't that's why Kendrick's was so good cuz he made it like a pop Well the number one the number one was Nas and Jeezer. Yeah, bro Jesus fuck up
He got the greatest lyricist of all time angry at him. And he wrote a song where he cooked Jay-Z for like five minutes. So, hold on to that song. He cooks him. It's like, and sometimes he's trying rapping. He's just talking. He's like, you're an ugly fuck. It's so good. It is ugly. It's how it starts. It's the first word. Jay-Z. All right, all right. What are you playing? What's up? Why are we playing with that? Fuck it. Let's play a bit of it. The beginning's hilarious. Are we going to lose the rights to YouTube?
What's up guys? Hey, yo, I know you ain't talking. He's there. Give me those He went a hardcore Christian starts off a gunshot Oh
Fuck with your soul like ether, we'll teach you the king, you know you, thoughts on the cross the belly, lose, I prove you lost a very yourself, for the main event, y'all impatiently waiting, it's like the age test, what's the results, not positive, who's the best poppin' eyes and big, ain't no best, east, west, north, south, flossed out greedy, I embrace y'all with napalm, blows up, no guts, left chest based on, how can I be garbage, send me autos at your cottage, burn her at the side of your head,
I can't keep up with these black. I can't. It's so quick. Try not to hear it, but it's good. Yeah, I listen around for like ten times. Me too. I'm an old honky. You gotta see it written. Yeah, I can't follow along. I'd like to see it written.
A lot of lyrics, I'm just like, I gotta see on paper. It's actually what I want to start doing, I was watching. You gotta see it on paper. You're missing half the thing. You see it in this one line that gets another one actually. You're so white. You ever watch Black guys gear, white music for them? Yeah, I love that shit. I might do that with you guys. Let's do it. You listen to rap and you guys both go, what? I've never seen the YouTube channel. Have you ever seen the YouTube channel, Tribal People?
I don't know. You can chat about tribal people, try. And they like try Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time. They're unbelievable. They like try all these different fruits. They get Sprite. They're like, wow. And then Gritty got demonetized. I heard it. I think they felt like they were taking advantage of those guys. Whoa, we're helping them. We're starting Sprite. I don't think these guys even know what the fuck YouTube is. Like these guys are like legit tribal people. He's got some sort of a connect with them. He like gives them a bag of rice. And then he's making millions of dogs off.
I don't know if that's what's happening, but I would wonder. Can we go here? Maybe I would have wanted to have some sort of deal with those fellows. But either way, it's entertaining. I'm sure they're changing some nice beads and blankets. Channel. It's fun watching people that have never experienced like American culture try a ding dong. Do you ever see fat black chicks try Jewish food? No. All right, I try like matz. Oh, not bad. Good cracker. All right, good one. You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra, giving tribal people rice? Sure. That's rice.
I like it. Oh, my God. It's so funny. It's not that Matt Rife. Oh, my God. You do it. You do an ancient Mormon before you, but you like set it up and everything was beautiful. Yeah.
You like created the environment for a Norman? Yep. I wanted to hear it. I was on board. Thank you. You created an environment for it. You didn't just do a Norman's. A Norman's like a response. Like you made Rome and then you made your own Norman. Have you seen Matt Rice? He's the Asian guy doing arenas? No. He's doing only cloud work. I already got his jaw done. Just a cloud work. Thank you. Matt Rice. Matt Rice. What are you from? Oh, no!
You cannot have never heard. You must find something. I bet you want something I did. You want water? I don't get out. All right, this is living. Boy, you're about to get an influx in Texas with the fires. It's about to get a couple of sizes out here. Listen, I bet we can get more comics. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Somebody lost their home. I'm starting looking at new spaces. Well, I'm looking at new things. Well, Whitney's about to have no home.
She was thinking about Texas anyway. She was thinking about Texas anyway, but it was very close to her house. Her posts are getting a little unhinged. Well, she's got to get over here. First of all, she's already unhinged. She's in the middle of a war zone. Like, you got illegals lighting fires that are causing $150 billion worth of damage. If someone dropped a bomb on the palisades, it wouldn't have done as much damage. True. Except it would have killed more people.
But if they evacuated the area because they knew a bomb was going to hit and the bomb did that, like that's just like a bomb. And if there's human beings that lit those fires and caused that to happen, which it seems there are, it was literally like they had a bomb. It's just we don't think about it that way because it's not an actual bomb.
All right, slower. Free palisades. Free palisades. That's looking for a drop box. That was great. It's not even a little out. Is it going strong? Going strong. Oh, it's still going, baby. They said the winds are going to get to 70 miles an hour at night. It's weird seeing rich people get fucked because they always get away with it because they can have a private jet or private security. You can have a private fire department.
well they actually can you can you can you can i didn't know that uh... kanye had one that set up at his house in calabasas yeah because uh... when i got evacuated in two thousand eighteen i know the people in hidden hills which is down the road for me not too far from where i was living people in hidden hills where at the really rich folks the celebrities had private fire departments
So you hire someone to come and protect your home exclusively. Just die there. Go down with the ship. Yeah. Crazy. Pay-home with guys. You got to put the tire out. I can't leave. My friend is Bud. You got nothing to lose. My friend, Bud, has never evacuated. He lives in Bel Canyon. I evacuate three times. He does not evacuate. He stays at his house with a fucking garden hose. And he finds it to the bitter end. That's the one thing I would... I can see staying for a hurricane and being like, we're going to sit here and drink. He saved his house.
Really? Save his house. What about with a car hose? Yep, he got a bunch of hoses and he fucking saved his house. He kept the fire from getting the fire destroyed the entire, like he lives on the edge of a canyon. The entire canyon was gone and he saved his house. Did you drive home once where the fire was on one side of the highway and not on the other? One side of the highway for an hour. You could feel it. You could see it. It was coming down like snow. Like the ashes were dropping like snow. And I saw a dead guy. So a guy was trying to run across the road and he got hit by a car.
Yeah, I always saw like his leg my friend saw him get hit. Oh Yeah Yikes I saw him as I was passing I saw like his leg. It's one of those weird memories like can I just see that like what did I just say yeah like it took me a while to like
Your mind's like, don't let that in. What did I see? I saw a guy get his head smooshed. Really? He's a tow truck driver. He got out on the to change it and a truck hit him. And I was like the first car to drive past. And there was just a guy without a fucking head. Whoa. We saw a guy at the Hyatt, the on does, the front pet. Like we saw it just like you look and he was like they are in the air. Oh my god. No way. Is there a bounce off the on does roof?
One of the balconies. These have balconies facing something. Oh, was that Brody? All right. Cut that. Oh, you son of a bitch. That was where the guy during this strike committed suicide. That's right. That's right. That's right.
Oh, no. You son of a bitch. You ever seen a Verizon men? That is a crazy story. The story of the strike when you realized that at one point in time they were getting no money. No money for comedy. No money. Leno saved it. And then they're like, finally we get $15. Did Leno save it? Yeah, he pretended to get hit by a car. And they were like, all right, what are we doing? A guy died. Leno got hit by a car. Let's pay these fuckers. For real? Yeah.
I didn't pull it up. That's crazy. Leno, we talked about last time, but another comical injury. He said he got hit by a car. He's beaten like a piece like it. Half blacked up. Eyepatch. Yeah, he fell down a hill. He got a lot of fire. Thumbs up.
Well, he doesn't, he looks unhealthy. It's like a woman in the Middle East. Yeah. The thing about injuries like that when you get that old. Yeah. Like they take years off your life. If you fall down a fucking hill. Yeah. That's when you're tough. Yeah. Maybe he's dating Nancy Pelosi's attacker.
He doesn't drink. He doesn't drink. So he's just getting beat up all day long. He also doesn't do squats. His ankles are the resiliency of a popsicle stick. You take a wrong step and that shit's going to snap off and you're going to go for a tumble. Go for a walk. We get older. You've got to work out.
you really do you might hate it yeah you hate it who cares just fucking do it so you don't die do it so you don't fall in the tub yeah you know like for real like you got to be able to stop yourself from oh yeah like the deceleration you have to have the ability
I've been falling in a fucking tub in a while, right? I feel like, guys, because I haven't stayed in a shitty hotel. When you have to stay in those shitty, they're like slick. They are slick. They're angled. Do you ever see canceled a fight once? Because the dude was cutting weight in the bathtub, and he blacked out and banged his head. Whoa. So I finally brought in Jay Leno getting hit by a car. By the car. Do you intend? Yeah. Okay. He faked it.
The two jumped out of the way, but there was a loud thump and Leno crumpled to the pavement, mannered, freaked out, running inside the club to confess his sin. Leno, for his part, moaning on the ground, dressing, Driesin kneeled next to him, afraid his pals badly heard, Jake, can you hear me? Jay Leno opened his eyes and winked. So he did do that. Hey, guys. I got a bright car.
And leverage that guy jumped off the high it but isn't that crazy to try to hit the store. Yeah realized a half second out. I heard that guy sucked. Yeah, for sure. That's the problem. Yeah. Wait, what a guy committed suicide and he sucked. He crossed the comment line. Come on. He goes, I'll I'll perform. You can't have comics like perform all perform for you. You'll be loyal after I'm gone. And it's he was like, thanks for your service, but like we have a good lineup now.
So no, so he jumps off the high in the air goes on that again at the store. It didn't even make it to the bell. He tried to kill himself on the store to hit the store. And then like that's not how. That's a dude who doesn't understand physics. That's a guy like thinks he could fight. What a terrible asset.
Guys doesn't know how far you can jump. Or do comedy. Or do comedy, right? It's the same mindset, right? We all know those guys who bomb, they get off, they're like, hey, good crowd. And you're like, you should be killing yourselves. What are you talking about? Yeah, there's a lot of weirdos like that, man. Oh, yeah. So watch the ill people.
So the guy didn't get booked, so he tried to jump off a building onto the... But the thing is, the guy was terrible. It's a very depressing look. Yeah, even if he was good, that's no reason to kill yourself. No, it's not. But he's like this whole idea, like, oh, he killed himself for the strike. No. No. He was just nuts. He was just a crazy dude. He had depression. He had depression. No. There's a...
You're blaming it on that thing. How many guys, when you started, were just like on tilt. Just a little, but they would do real good sometimes. You're like, maybe, maybe he's gonna make it. And you're all kind of in the same boat, having sort of similar sets. Now there's a few of those guys like, maybe.
That's almost worse, because it keeps them in long enough that they have to kill every now and then. You know what's real weird when you get an email from one of them fellers. They want to open for you? I get those. You ain't done comedy for a decade.
They make it so uncomfortable a decade like I'm already bringing like an opener and like what about an emcee? I'm like, oh shit, then you gotta scramble it fine and they go fine. I'll just do a guess that I'll just do a guess that and bring a camera crew There's no way minutes and bring one guy bring friends of the green room. Oh, yeah fun time the invasion of your privacy just because you're being kind and
Ah, that's the worst. No guess. You're grown up. It's just some of them are like such pressure. They're emotional, but like we are still friendly. Right. How do you pray on that? That's why you have to have like a level of separation, like an Adam Egett in your life. Adam Egett's a level of separation. Oh, Adam Egett's a level of separation. Joe Rogan, go, Adam won't let me have you on my show. I'm sorry. Adam Egett says, but it's Joe Rogan. It's the way it works. The way it works is Adam, you know, he just, what he wanted to get the job.
What kind of prayer do I have to make over the sink? I have been happy since he stopped eating donuts.
Adam was the best at him. No, he was dying. He was like dying at one point time. He's bleeding out of me good. He's bleeding for some reason. Talk to him about. Yeah. What? Listen, he needed to clean up the period. Yeah, I was having a period. There you go. He's becoming a woman. I think he had a butt period a lot.
Yeah, but period. Is that a hemorrhoid? No, I think he was having like internal butt periods. Oh, really? Yeah. It wasn't good. He's better now. He's better. You know, he's a worry wort. He's a worry guy. You know, worries about shit. No, I don't know. And he's passing on to his dog. You never meet his dog. That's what happens. Yeah. We take a drive to the woods just to go and drive. He's like slobbering him. He can't take this. No. And then he's like, oh, next woods. The meters they got do. But I'm always like, dude, your dog sucks.
It's the meanest thing you could say to somebody. If a dog's never driven and then you drive it, you have to be driving when they're little. It did. Couldn't take it. How old was it when he got it? Nothing. No, remember you were bringing... Was it a full puppy?
It would come into the room and hide under the table. That's when I started. I was like, stop bringing this fucking dog. It's a rescue dog. Is it a rescue dog? What kind of dog, Pug? It's like a Dalmatian. It's like a Dalmatian. It's a cute little dog. It's named Dice. It's great. Good dog. That's fun. It is a good dog. I feel bad making fun of a guy's dog. His dog is named Dice.
Yeah, that's cute. And it's a Dalmatian. So it looks like it dies. Oh, it even catches. Yeah, you've tried that with me, too. Your dog. Your dog sucks from like, I do like your dog. That's retarded. That's retarded. I do like your dog. There's no part of it that's like, you got a great dog. Say your dog's awesome. It's very funny, though. Yeah, you know, it's a sweetheart. It kills people. That's nice. Yes.
And you can't say it about a kid, but you can say it about their dog. Yeah, you can get away with your kid socks. Like, oh, yeah, whatever. You can say it about a kid. Yeah. Yeah. You could say it to a kid. You could say it to some guys. You guys just had enough with their sons, like enough. You know, fuck enough. He's 26 years old. Get out of my fucking house. You could tell that guy is kid socks. That's true. Like your kid sucks. He goes, right?
Yeah. What have you noticed? That's a weird thing about today. There's a lot of 26-year-old dudes living with their parents. Yeah, you got that right. What did you guys leave? That's 25. 23. That was 20. 18. 18. Out of the house. Out of the house. I'm not talking about college. Gone. Yeah, 20, I was out of the house. I went and they wanted me out of the house when I was 18. I went back after college for a year. Yeah, I mean, that's... Oh no, that's hard. No, it was a good year.
Really? Yeah, it was nice. Just drinking my fill every day. No, I was just reading and jacking off in the basement. It was great. The quiet room. Yeah. My parents were like a priest. You got a laundry. Some kind of a real job. And you didn't. Yeah. Did you forget our way to disobey them? But back then I get it. I get it. I know.
I was fighting. That's all I was doing. So I was fighting right out of high school. So I just didn't want to go. He's fucking bartender. It's crazy. He's Tom Cruise. Well played. I'm a cocktail. So I understand why they wanted me out of the house. So you're living in unrealistic life. I love it. That was great. That was really good actually. Low-key great. Is that the least impressive skill of all time? A drink by spitting bottles in the air? Who ever wants it?
If you see them doing, like, just make the drink. I just want to drink. Yeah. I don't need a witty bartender. Right. You know, if you, you're really that funny, you should go to stand up. The bartender and rude bartenders. Oh, that's the word. That's what you want. Yeah. Yeah, we don't have that. And then they walk away. The fuck was that?
Yeah, especially like if you're a good tipper, you're like, come on, man. Don't make me. Yeah. I want to tip you well. I want you to have a good experience here. I don't want this to be. Oh, it's the end office bartender. A buck for a beer though. Can we get rid of that? Do you open a beer cap?
A buck? A buck is a max. A buck is too much. I know, but like, if he's whipping me up a, you can't think. You can't think. Look how happy he is with himself. Shut up, bro. You can't think that anything you're doing in a bar is like paying for things in a store. Yes. You can't think of it that way. You're paying for this experience of being in public and this dude, this is his job. It's not supposed to be reasonably priced. I'm okay with one dollar. When he starts to be like a $12 beer and it's like, no, you don't get two bucks for this.
I live $100. Really? What? Yeah, I get a beer. I live $100. Come on. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I don't care. Cheers. Give him money. Are you going to notice it or is he going to notice it? Are you going to notice if you have $100? You're not going to notice. $100 from anyone in this room. It's like it doesn't exist. I don't think about $100 to ignore me. That's crazy.
He's $100. $100 you don't know exists. You might know $1,000 exists. You might know $10,000 exists. But if you look at your bank account, it's $100 this way or $100 that way. It makes zero difference. Yeah, that's for one time. We're in bars every night. That's good point. We got a lot of bars. Yeah, we've spent eight grand by the end of the night. We're going to find the drinks. Yeah, good. Perfect.
Did you guys get after your last night? A little bit. I did. Me and DeRosa and Meda. You had your show at the mothership last night? Yeah. Five o'clock show. Killer. Friend of mine. Oh, you know Lucas, the guy who made our suits. He went to your show last night. Oh, I love that guy. I got that suit. David August. He's a beast. Yeah, he's the best. He's the best. Man, love that guy. We're going to kill Tony. Suit our sorry to deflect. Sorry. You're a doctor. Are you step on? Everything? Like a bad drug dealer.
The shoe was good. Mine was a little small and I said, that's time. Hey, was Vegas better when the mall was running it? Yeah, right. Oh, everything. Well, New York was. Yeah, ladies on fire in the train.
Yeah, it seems like New York was a little better when the mob was running it than when the Democrats are. I'm just saying, like the mob would have done something about the fire in the train. There was a street in the East Village where was it the Hells Angels? They had their headquarters? Yes, they did. Like 8th or 10th. And it was the safest block in my trip. You couldn't do shit.
Now, well, that was always the thing about if you lived on Staten Island, or if you lived. Yeah, or if you lived where, you know, fucking when what's his face was alive, John God, he was alive, like his neighborhood was super safe. Nobody's breaking anything. No, and you get a turkey on Thanksgiving, throwing those butterballs out.
Yeah, but at what cost? I like the turkey thing. They all do the turkey thing and act like they're innocent now. That's a good move. That's a nice move. Look, I gave the whole neighborhood a ticket. Yeah. Oh, all right. Well, then, yeah, the murders. Yeah, we'll forget about them. How many turkeys? So let's see you live in a neighborhood of 100,000 people and you give out free turkeys. How many turkeys you think you're really giving out?
Proud it's a photo. I'm surprised like 50 families find tech. How many turkeys do you have to buy? I think because if you run out people are gonna get mad they're gonna talk shit. I went to John Gotti's turkey thing and they were out of turkeys by 1230. 1230. Where's my fucking turkey? You dare go past it. All right. You got off the juice. You suck a bitch. So passionate. Think about it. Where's my fucking turkey?
The people relying on those crimes have been up this year, but I'll tell you what. Might get a free fucking turkey out of this house. Yeah, we're gonna eat good here. Thanks, giving. The protection racket. Yeah, that's how they get you. We'll protect you. We'll protect you. That's what the United States government is doing. So the entire citizens of the United States. Yeah, homeowner tax. It's protection. We got you. Two's got to be case of butchering now.
China wants to steal your data. We gotta get rid of the TikTok. The TikTok is stealing your data. Does China want to fight us? Why are we trying to fight China? Because we're stealing China's data and they're throwing drones over New Jersey. It's a war. It's a war. Why are we war with them? I don't know. We're not. The Communist.
It's just a deflection. Oh, I thought they were. I think they're allegedly, but they see politically communist. They appoint their own government. It's not about that money right now. It's about that money, too. It's a weird sort of a merger, which makes it very difficult to battle with because you have a dictatorship that's connected to a thriving economy.
Come with this. TikTok, they're stealing your data. But is it also all the American companies? Oh, shut up. What are you? Some kind of communist? Who's team are you on? You know what team are you on? Oh, yeah, the heaps. I'm on team green. You know what they need? Gigi Ping to visit LA to clean it up in a day. Isn't that funny?
They could get, they would get it done. They did it for, when China, when they came to San Francisco. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, that's right. Do you see the Gavin Newsom's latest speech where he was talking about? We're going to get to the bottom of this. No, without doing something with the land. Have you seen that, Jamie? Gavin, juice them. Jamie, have you seen it?
Do you see Danny polishes? Do you fake of a speech? No. Just making him say dumb shit. He tricks me a lot. He goes, we put fire our tartant on.
Yeah, that news is a lot harder. See if you can find this video because what's really weird is he does like a little dance with his shoulders when he talks about it. Watch this little shimmy hair though. Listen to this. Listen to this. And with a myriad of issues, I was just talking to Josh Green, the governor of down in Hawaii. You've had some ideas about some land use concerns he has around speculators coming in.
Yeah, I'm shimmy chick. I do that when I pee. So we're already working with our legal teams to move those things forward and we'll be presenting those in a matter of days, not just weeks. Legal teams. Yes, ma'am, but look at this. Like the thing in Hawaii has been a fucking disaster for the people that lost their houses. No one's rebuilt. No one's rebuilt, right? So he's talking about that and talking to the governor who's obviously mishandled that. It's also like, what's the real answer? It's like, it's fucked.
But hey, what is? No, no, no. What is this? I don't know. What is this? What is getting excited about it? Yeah, we're talking about speculation, some land. That's like a lady. Yeah, he's doing something new. No, he can't hide his excitement for the possibilities that they might acquire some of that land.
What does that land become now? How many of these people are going to be able to rebuild? What happens with the Coastal Commission? What happens with all the insurance companies that decided to cancel their fire insurance companies? So what happens with all? This is not as simple as anybody thinks any fire would be, like you get your insurance money and you rebuild. You don't rebuild somewhere that's bigger than Manhattan. They lost what's larger than Manhattan. And also, insurance is not going to pay.
There's as little as possible. We're going to take forever. How are they going to have the money? How are they going to have $150 billion? But that's the amount of money they require. So was the government going to do it? Is the Biden administration going to step up? They did for Ukraine?
They spent a hundred and seventy five million dollars in Ukraine. How much are they gonna spend on the Palisades and if they did it for the Palisades the Hollywood Hills gonna be like what the fuck dude What about us right what about us? What about all these other fires? What about North Carolina? Yes, North Carolina people are waiting in line for hours for propane because they don't have gas They're trying to stay alive because their fucking heaters need gas. No propane no game
But yeah, you're right. Hey, Katrina, I went through, I was in Katrina, I was in New Orleans. It's the same shit. Yeah, were they saving the rich people? Yeah. Yeah, but this is crazy. This is way worse. If they bail out the palisades, that's crazy. If you don't bail out Maui and it's a year later and you decide you're going to bail out the palisades, so it kind of stuck because all he would have taken is $5 billion and they accidentally paid an extra $6 billion to Ukraine.
They're like, don't worry, just a mistake. It's an accidental six billion. Five billion what to help, Maui? Yeah. Rebuild entirely. So for five billion dollars, they didn't, everyone could have got their home back and everything could have been settled. And no, nothing's been done. But yeah, we keep sending money to these other countries. Well, how come these countries throw us a buck every now and then? Oh, here's a thing. They do have a massive debt.
Here's the thing, even if you're supporting the idea of sending money to Ukraine, I'm not arguing against that. I'm saying they accidentally sent six billion there, and no one cared, and they didn't send five billion to Maui. And they could have. Also just get it back. It's not actually, you're not actually shipping a big thing of money. Just like you're wiring. I think you can't do it. I didn't decide to do it. Oh, really? So I can pay cash. Just pro-pay fees of cards. Blockets of money. I know we can do it. We should block lots of cards.
We should buy green love. Isn't that what Trump's trying to do? A lot of resources over there. Well, if global warming hits, we got a sweet spot. I like it. If global warming really takes off, let's get some green one going. You know what people live there? 56k. We can kill them in an hour.
Is there like 66,000 people there? The whole island. Really? Yeah. Wow. Give it a good. What are they like? I don't know. It's hanging out with those guys. Chances are weird. What do you think? Are they? They're like, shacks. Colorful. They probably smell like old hot dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's the room there. They've been fucking.
Yeah, what have they been eating? What kind of like fermented shark meat? Oh, easy. It's a cute little town, actually. That is adorable. Where's the bar? Show me the bar because it's got to be a bar. Oh, they all get a good bar. That's a really bad bar.
Some real fishermen drunks. I mean how many times does everybody date everybody else's ex in that town? You just got to get over it. You just got to get over it. It's like high school. You just got to get over it. She's dating him now. Yeah, what do they do for electricity? I fucking.
What do they do? Is it Norway that they have a dating app? They won't let you fuck your sister. It was an Iceland. Yeah, it's a no if you're close to yours. True. They tried. They tried giving up the Middle East and they were like, no, we like it. They have to go. It's all relative. That was a conversation that Gavin McGinnis and I had on the podcast at one point in time, who's talking to me about the numbers of people that are inbred. I think in the Middle East was in Palestine or Pakistan. Palestine is one of them. It's like 40% of them. Such bad. Definitely.
No, what do you guys do some breeds? What are you talking about? You breed in Brooklyn? I'll tell you that cousin. Do they in Brooklyn? Really? Yeah, really? That's like Jewish. You already know Lawrence instead of to Israel. Look at the numbers. You can look it up. Let's take a look at Brookley. Serious huge. Serious huge Palestine's huge Afghanistan's huge. Boy, you're deflecting away from Israel. Israel just magically is not one of them.
It's not magically, they're all Europeans that live there. In breeding rates in Israel, vary by population group, but the highest rates in the, say that Arab, Bedouin population goes close to the Bedouin. But that's the arrow. It's really Arab. It's really Arab. Okay, so Jewish population is only 2.3%. Yeah, that Palestine is like 40. Look at that. Israeli Arab population is 25.59%. Not close, right? But that's a crazy number. But look at the Bedouin population, it's 44%.
Damn. Wait, what's 25.9? Bro, look at that 44% which is high and has resulted in a high prevalence of genetic disorders and infant mortality. Don't you love this one I love about AI. It has to tell you sometimes.
Yeah. Before they catch it, when you ask me questions like this on a giant podcast, before they catch it, it gets out there. And the AI just tells you. And everybody's like, oh my god, like what did they say? We didn't say shit. We read something off the fucking AI. That's what we did. We're talking about real data. Oh, yeah.
But this thing, it's like people that live in liberal areas like Silver Lake and the fucking in the East Village, they don't realize that there's parts of the world that are really, really, really fucked up right now.
Really fucked up and you can't make this place like that place because you won't survive with your blue hair You won't survive with your fucking nose post. It makes you interesting that fucking Stupid bull ring you have in your nose. Yeah, it's all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods Yeah, you're not gonna survive with your day them pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof
You're throwing off a roof. It's like the rich kid who's like, fuck you mom, but you got it made. I'm going downstairs. Meanwhile, the migrant kid's like, I love you dad, don't leave. I think we need to take an opposite approach in this country. Instead of like letting all the fucked up people in, what we need to do is like spread the good, like buy all the other countries.
Like slowly, like Greenland, start with Greenland. Then we buy Mexico, like Guatemala is probably for sale. Find all their doctors bringing in. He wants to take over the Panama Canal. Fantastic. Let's buy Panama. That way you end up the way about taking over the Panama Canal. We'll get Elon involved. I don't mind the canal. That was. Make a new coin. We built it. We could sell a hawk to a coin. Well, I think they built it, but we paid for it. We made him build it. Yeah.
If you see the other idea about the Gulf of Mexico, you know, you can't drill in the Gulf of Mexico. There's a law. Is that right? But here's the thing. Change the name to the Gulf of America. Now you can drill. Change laws. Yeah. Is that why he wants to do it? Yes. I thought I heard he wants to change it. No, he wants to drill. And eighth grade level Gulf of America. Fifth graders idea of like, that should be Gulf of America. And now you can drill. Yeah. Yeah. And Canada's a new state, apparently. No. It's fucking genius. Trudeau resigned.
Yeah, I mean it's fucking what he's doing is kind of crazy. He's not even an office yet And he's like fucking I'm getting out of here about this fight But he's not even an office yet and the kind the whole world is like shifting all the all the social media companies go you will do it all
look at what it will look at facebook look at zucker bird is like the mma fighter now yeah but they were just doing what the other people wanted whoever's in charge of extra sure yeah now you know what yeah and now okay sure we'll do it you're like a little shifting make money we don't care be like you're gonna flip back if something flips back like what are you keep stealing data they're gonna fall out of the back
i think most people found out about it because of the twitter files and then the outrage was so high they were worried about losing in the next election and i think they've realized i probably lost in this election so when things like that happen you can you can like there was a point in time when in during the obama administration where they're talking about us going to war with syria do you remember that
ten times yes we kept saying no we said we got over for a stop and they don't will america said no and they go actually we gotta help us out because of these other people and america's like now we've got done with these he made there was a press conference in the press conference is so rejected it was so wildly rejected in the public that the the pentagon shifted course and they decided not to attack Syria it was like we had eight wars going on they're like the country was like we're not doing this one
And obviously I have a cursory understanding of the entire conflict. I have a very small understanding of the conflict. But the reality is if things get too rejected, if too many people fuck this, well I think that's probably what happened with all this Twitter shit.
when they got those Twitter files and they found out that the FBI was suppressing real information and then they found out that, you know, when Zuckerberg was on here and he was talking about the laptop and they were telling them it's rusting disinformation and they were telling them to, they told them to remove that meme. You know that meme of Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at the television screen in 10 years? Like, did you take the COVID vaccine? If so, you may be eligible for a class action lawsuit and it's like,
It's like Leonardo DiCaprio. It's from once upon a time. Yeah, yeah. It's a classic thing. They asked him to take it on him. Clearly not real. Do you know the meme? Do you have a Jamie? Because I have it on my phone. Great meme. How about Trump and Biden having a full-on hang fest? Obama, yeah. What did I say? How wild was that Obama? The black guy. How wild was that to watch though?
It is a little disappointing though, because both those guys benefit so much on every American on both those sides hating each other. I know. And then you see them together and they're like, ha, ha, ha. Well, you know what it's like? It's like a clan at the old parties. Yeah, they're all just friends. They eat at the same dining hall. Yeah, they're all pieces of shit.
Well, you know what it's like? It's like you guys fight and then the fights over and they talked so much shit about each other before they hug. And they hug it out. They're all emotional. That's what it's like. It's like, come on. They're not fighting. They're talking about, yeah, we're professional. This is like, the other guy's like, this is Hitler and I need to have an evolution to fight him. And then hi, how did he get done to go? Hey, where is he? It's self-staying. He was saying that neo-nazis and white nationalists were very fine people. Remember that?
Yeah. He's like, I had to say it. I get it. I get it. You had to say it? Yeah. They just sit down and they work it out. But meanwhile, the rest of us, my, you know, your neighbor has a fucking science is real flag. Yeah. Black lives matter because these guys, that's what they're putting out there. Yeah. It's causing division. And you have a, yeah. Joy division.
Well, it just makes you realize this is the reason why cults exist, because it's really easy to shift someone's opinion about things. It's really easy. Most people are really weak. Yeah. And they're also all looking at the fringes of each side. So like the shit they're complaining about, like 90% of the people on that side doesn't go like, yeah, we agree with you.
Yeah, 90%. Yeah, it's nuts. It's just weird that it works so well. Yeah. It really does work. And people make it their whole personality, their whole identity. And then if you push back, they hate you. He's Hitler. And I'll sit next to him at Carter's funeral. And later before I'm going to joke around together, meanwhile Biden's asleep. You see him fall asleep?
fell asleep fully fell asleep there was a picture of like three or four of them but my favorite part was when Kamala Harris shows up and she fucking stink eyes both of them yeah she stink eyes Trump and Obama and then sits down it doesn't say hi or shake their hands nice and then looks over and sees that Biden or that Obama and Trump are talking to each other and she goes like this she's like
Yeah, and she's where their husband. It's like when Shane was talking to a fellow Louie and people like fuck I could be nice to you now Bill Clinton was there, too. He was checking out comedy. He's like Hey, I just rump in a pantsuit. You are half black. I'm gonna go out with a bang
I watched this. Look at her face. Look how angry she is, dude. Look how angry she is. It's unbelievable. And it's like, if you look at Obama and Trump, just no one looks at each other. He's looking next to him. Yeah, that's what she said. She guided him over. He has to sit wherever the fuck she tells him to. He's the white Chris Brown.
Look, they're looking at each other. Look at Trump. He's just holding it. I want to be on what she's on right now. Look at her. This is why she's so happy. Right now she's seen elves. But she knows. She's got the hand. Milani is like, I can't fucking believe I have to be first lady once again. And Jimmy Carter, that fucking fentanyl. It'll get you.
He had 100. He made it to 100 though. That's true. Kamala knows she's on camera, so she's got to act more pissy. But look at them, just to talk to each other. Look at the honker on that guy in the back. Jesus, it's quite a be able to hear them. That's a beak. Yeah. That's a lobbyist. Yeah, what if Trump is just going to pick it up? Nobody's beak. Yes, I'm a smart coach. Excuse me, borderline. I mean, he's right near Pence. I think he should have liked it. I think he shook hands with Pence.
Damn. Which is wild. Who does Trump? Yeah, it's Pence like literally called him Hitler. Almost. That was his vice president. Like, what did Pence say? What it was like the worst thing Pence said about, but Pence definitely said he shouldn't be president. Yeah. And then he won again and Pence, that's a shot. Yeah. Shut up. You got to shut the fuck up and you got to shake his hand.
I was watching the news live when Pence announced his presidency. It was great. It's like on Hannity. He was a guest on Sean Hannity. Yeah, they did it like they he was about to announce and they're like we got to take a commercial break Then he comes on he's like I'm gonna run for president. There's like 12 people on bleachers like
Do you ever see the conversation he had with Tucker when Tucker was talking about the problems that America has and he said that's not my concern. Oh, do you ever see that? It was I've seen it and I feel for pants on this one. That was it seemed like a misstep. Oh, it was he just said the wrong he phrased it wrong. Yeah, but it's the worst thing you could possibly do. This is what he did.
He reacted to an attack. So the attack was on him. So his reaction, because he's a guy who likes to be in power. That's not my concern. Like his reaction is to shut you down. So he said it's not my concern. That's not my concern. He's trying to shut him down, but he's doing it a stupid way. He's trying to exert his authority. I was the vice president. Let me tell you how it works. That's not my concern. My concern is...
Shit after he said he probably was like shit. He's too religious that guy Pence. Yeah, he was obsessed with no abortion and You know he got me funny with my wife. I do I don't mind that that's a nice what cake and verse like I'm not going to dinner with a lady unless my wife's there and everyone was like what are you sex is like that's a
Yeah, I don't know what valid you were. I look at a special elevator with one. Especially in his business. Yeah. I mean, his business. They're sneaking whores in all the time. Doctor needs a female person there with them. Yeah. So like, they're sneaking in people to try to, like they have Chinese ladies who are banging these dudes and they try to be fired. How quick. Really? Yeah. They turn out to be how would you not get a nine and a half?
On an elevator with you, and all of a sudden she's just on her knees, and you're like, oh fuck. We're doing it. You don't send in a nine and a half, because they don't believe them. You send in a six with cocaine. A six, he's got some cocaine, and some pouty lips, and let's party. Let's fucking, I think they're all freaks. And I think it's just slow to be revealed, because they're all guilty of it.
Like when you hear a guy like Clinton get busted or JFK like this is not a normal Yeah, I mean this is a this is like it's probably prevalent in the entire group of people when you talk to people that are like congressmen You talk to people that are honest. They're like look there's a lot of freaks a lot of people that are partying. Yeah, you're doing wild shit
You know or I didn't know shit they were doing showbiz type shit, but they were presidential candidate That big like I never got the chance to do this Yeah Dork my whole life. Yeah Gorbachev fucking stains, but I couldn't wait to get some clam There's a dude in a dress he weighs a hundred pounds. You're just gonna get him to suck your dick
You don't know that that fired up that fucking mirror on the walls of two-way one Camera on the other side. Yeah, I mean that's the way I'm just laughing watching We got it. That's rippled up big the oral office. It's all did he's mentioned it got burnt to the ground
That's true. The baby oil goes up. The baby oil, yeah. It's an accelerant. It's probably not a baby. It's probably lube, and I bet lube burns forever. Oh, yeah. I bet lube is like lava. Grease fire. Just burns forever. It's probably some sort of synthetic shit.
When are we gonna get the real dirt? All I got is a hallway beat up on video. But I need a Bieber's crying, JLo's nervous. If I had to guess, if I had to guess this what I would say. There's a lot apparently of famous people involved in this, which means there's a lot of accusers and there's a lot of money that people won't get if these people go down. So if you're a lawyer, if you're a lawyer and you're, well,
Involved in this whole thing the move would be like we could go public with this and this would be the end That is not our interest. Yeah, our interest in is a settlement and then next thing, you know Keep looking money off someone or yeah, who's really good at basketball? It'll be like Epstein though. It'll be the same thing. It'll be like nobody ever gets in trouble
Did you see that prosecutor though? The guy who said there's some very famous names and you will be stunned at what you'll see. What on Diddy or Epstein? Diddy. Yeah. My people will not let those names come out. But here's the thing. If the videos exist, you don't think that somehow or this guy's got it in the process? Epstein's never did.
But no one talked about the names and there was a video and it was going to come out. It was like they kept quiet about all of it. They never released the names. They never said there was video. No one confirmed anything. It was all just rumors. They just wait until we stopped asking and then they're like, it went away. And then Maxwell just went to jail for what?
uh... recruiting for what but recruit who for what for who who was there what would you do which would have picked up fifteen-year-old high school and where they go i think they who would have a draft no no no if you can't get it out of jail if you're selling pussy uh... so let's say selling cocaine uh... you saw cocaine who just sell it to
I sold it to this guy. Okay. Well, now that guy's in trouble. That's how it usually goes. And you find that guy, who else? If you sell underage prostitutes, you're going to jail for selling underage prostitutes. Who? Who'd you sell them to? Well, that guy gets in trouble too. Automatically. That's right. Kill Epstein. You blame it all on him. How good must she be at keeping secrets?
She's pretty good. I'm surprised. We're all surprised they didn't kill her, right? Yeah, they like barely arrest her. Wasn't she like not in jail? She was killing her for a while. They found her in a cabin. Yeah, she was like an episode of a fucking CBS drama. Yeah, she's hiding in a cabin in the woods. Like she's on prison break and she's still there.
No, she's in jail. She is in jail. She's in a jail where you get your yoga, you finger yourself, you watch TV. Yeah, it's like a fruity jail, like an easy jail. I wish you'd start a podcast. How great would that be? I would listen. Tails of the island. Tails of the island. Put that on gas digital. How have they not killed her?
How have they not? She's in prison until July 17th, 2037. Oh, that's when they're going to kill it. Low security for the prison in Tallahassee. Low security. Tallahassee. That's nice. It's not bad. Yeah. Drop a rocket ship down in the middle of the prison yard and escape with her. He's going to leave her out.
The guards won't be able to do shit. She's pretty hot. She's put a force field around her rocket. Pull up her news. She's got it. She's got it. About as good as me more. You guys are disgusting. What? To be more. She's that hot. She cuts it together. Late. How old is she? Well, to me more is all kinds of Krena Chrome and... Krena Chrome, whatever it is. She's harvesting the... Do you guys get questions about Hollywood parties, though? I have to tell people, like, oh, I wasn't even... I don't even know anyone who was not invited to those. Yeah. There's levels of Hollywood. It's not all of us in...
Yeah, it's Matt Rife, and that was... He ain't invited. He's not even invited? No, it's high. He's hot levels. I got roped into going one to one night with Chappelle. You only talking about a real... Well, it was in... We were at the comedy store, and Dave was like, come on, Joe, I gotta go to this party. How are you gonna say no? And I was like, all right, let's go. So we drove my Porsche up into the Hollywood Hills, like I was seen in a movie, like...
two comedians, like having fun, leaving the comedy store, driving up to the movie, and we're going to Naomi Campbell's house. Or some guy's house who was having Naomi Campbell's party. And we're on an elevator, like this little outdoor elevator with Demi Moore and some other lady. And it's outdoor elevator, like you're sitting in like a cart and it's like taking you up the side of the hill.
And as we're going up the side of the hill, we look at this. They had a party house. So they had a regular house and a party house. And the party house was so high up the hill that there was like a 50 foot gigantic photo of a naked Naomi Campbell. One of her modeling poses. Yeah.
And then you go up there and it's like fucking Lenny Kravitz and all these famous people, like just famous everywhere. It was weird. It was so in at one point in time, Naomi Campbell, she had a book of all her modeling stuff and there was so many photographers there. At one point, she just starts posing and I was like snapping pictures. So you're at her party and all these cameras are going off and she's posing. You're just watching it all? Bizarre. And then me and Dave are hanging out and Dave goes, man.
I never want to be that famous. Dave, I got news for you. You're the most famous person here. He goes, no. I go, yes. Yeah, you're the most famous guy here. And the most talented. And we were just, we're both laughing. Lenny Kravitz pretty talented too. I had one hit. Oh, he's got some, he's got some bangers. Dave can do a good job monologue right there on the floor. He says he's got fly away. He's got fly away. That's a nursery rhyme. Also, American woman was a cover.
I know, but he's got bangers. He's good. I mean, he's good. And he's hot. He's on fucking night. I agree. Chappelle is more talented, but you know, no need to be disparaging about me. No, no, I'm just saying. It's just funny. These comedians show up and they can do a couple hours. They got albums. They can do a riffing, sesh, you know, crowd work. But she composed. What does she pose? She can pose. She can be pouty. She can be pouty on command. It takes you a while. Exactly. We didn't stay long. Then we left when we went back to the store. And then we were like, wow, that was so weird. He was like, that's why I shut party.
I talked to you after that. We thought, I think it was that one. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I was like, are they all like rotten? And you're like, yeah, they've gone sour. As a comic, you go to those parts. You feel like a gargoyle. You know, like I'm so ugly compared to these beautiful people. You just, you can't talk to them regular. No, fuck around. No way. The thing is like, if you go and you talk to a bunch of celebrities, the odds are they're going to be more guarded than even regular liberals.
Like, you got regular liberals and then you got celebrity liberals. So like, they have to be careful of every fucking thing they say. If they have a couple of drinks in them and you got your phone out and you start recording them saying something crazy, it could ruin their life. Like, what do you think about these immigrants? Isn't it? For veterans? I fucking, you know, some of them are okay, but most of them are.
Yeah, yeah. Nice to see you know it's over. Well, other cooks are over. Yeah, that's like their chef. Yeah, right? Yeah. So they can mention the kill. So funny seeing the celebrity take to Twitter, and you're just like his agents failed him. Oh, you fucked up. Yeah. Well, you get it, though, because they won't play her. And we each can't watch you 24-7.
They want to keep going to these parties. Yeah, like a Kimmel type. You know, he's got to play ball. Yeah. Those parties suck after a while. Stink. They suck. They suck too. And you go, all right, I get it. No beer pong. No beer pong ever. No comedians. If you found a comic, if it was Mark Marin at that party, you'd flock to him. Who's really? Yeah. You're like, I don't like you. Don't do it. Yeah. You know, it's like one of those places. Mark, who's a comedian that's doing better than you that you hate right now? Let's talk about it. Please. Go talk about it.
But you know, if you're at the airport and you see a comic, you're like sick. Yeah, come on, let's talk best. Even if you don't even like them that much, you like them way better than these regular idiots.
I was hanging out with Jake Johansson when it says MC and DC improv. He's a clean guy and we were talking, we were talking about hookers in Tijuana and he goes, listen, that's not my world at all. I'd rather be here with you guys talking about that than with my wife's dumb friends. You just ran at that point. Sorry. You just got to fight. Listen, you know about his wife or his wife's dumb friends.
I've been sitting here waiting for one. I've been waiting. You're going to want to be cheaper. I got news for you. His wife and their dumb friends are never listening to this podcast. There's zero chance they're listening to protect our parks. Well, clean comics are always the wildest. Oh, they're so fun. You used to clean comic and a party flock to that motherfucker. Confront in real life. He's got some stories. He's going to go to the comics. The comic party. Yeah. Find John Heffron and get them some out of them.
I mean we're gonna drunk with Regan. It's wild. I'm not gonna say anything, but it's an animal. He's an animal. He just gets drunk. Well, he's a fun guy. He's having fun. He's having fun to talk to is what he's saying. Yeah, he's not saying. No, I know, but I'm saying they started with Cosby and they started with, you're right. You're right.
He's a sweetheart of a guy. He came to my show in Philly in October, and then he came to the bar with us after. I love it. Super, super nice guy. He's the man. He's the man. We're having a sober month, and then he was going to come in Kansas City. He was like, hey, I got an early show. Can I come hang out? We're going to drink, and we're both like, we're drinking, right? Yeah, we're drinking.
That's a sick move to go to like the theater, the arena there, and then just find out who's at the local club. He did it to me. I was like, yeah. I'm going to go drink there. It's awesome. It's awesome. Keep the bar open. And if you find a fun dude who's in town, it's great. It makes the experience of being in town so much better. And the club is like, yeah. Yeah, come on in.
I was bombing at the Charlotte Comedy Zone bombing. There's 12 people there. I'm headlining. It was horrible and I heard one cackle in the back and I was like, well at least I'm coming with that guy. You know that whole thing and I get off and it's regan. Let's go drink and we went out all night. You feel so good. Huge. Yeah, that's hilarious. It was like 10 years
The late night midnight shows those were always death Yeah, those rose death cuz people were so hammered by the time they got there and they're half full But then the club's greedy and they just want a third show You're repeating jokes. You don't remember what the fuck yeah Did I say that you have to have like a very set order if you're gonna do two or more shows He's too many heck. Yeah, I did it this last weekend I was like like the last show of the of the set it was like
no way have I said this and you start out as you're laughing you're like are you laughing at me yes well you tell it also it also looks the exact same to you like from your perspective just a light in your face right right you can't really see anyone but the problem is we're doing long sets too it's like long sets are like a zone you get into and when you're in the zone you you're you're kind of like
You know, you're kind of like riding it, right? You're kind of like riding the show. Which joke do I feel like right now? None of us have scripts, so it's like you're riding with it. You're fucking around, you're riding with it. And so you forget where you are on the ride, because you're on the ride again. Yeah. Is this the first part of the ride? Have I done that bit yet? Oh my God, I'm so out of order. And it's later in the night, so I've been drinking too. So now you add that to the box. Yeah, now I'm shit-faced. Yeah, like the time we went back to the mothership.
I was hoping you forgot about that. Oh, how could I ever? He threw up behind the stage and went to sleep. He went to sleep. You went to sleep a foot away from your own puke. The levels you'll allow when you're drunk. That's fine. That's fine. This is a good spot. I went to the club the next day and I was like, sorry, I puked. They're like, yeah, we know. And some guys holding them up. I was like, ah, I said I'm an edible arrangement. The edible arrangement was very thoughtful. Thank you. It was really not horrible. Somebody had to clean that shit up.
Yeah, well, it's a fun place to work. Yeah, it's a great time, though. I found the nook. I found the puke nook. You really forget a puke anywhere. You want to go in that little weird closet, that little... Yeah, right where everyone has to stand before they go outside. So you used to smell what happens when it goes wrong. So have you ever had a puke on stage? No. Never? I had to piss on stage once so bad that I had to get Jay to come back up at Bell House. I was like, bye five minutes.
I was sick on stage one night and I was doing a show and it was coming up and I had to swallow it. Oh, no. Whoa. Yeah. I was like, oh, no. Yeah. That's terrible. I got lucky. I pulled out of it and I made it, but I was like, this could be so rough. I might vomit on stage because I knew I really should be at home in bed, but I like was already out. Well, then were you listening to your act? I did this.
I did the second set and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna puke. This is bad. I was doing that feeling if you're reading in a car, if you're in the back of your car and you're reading, you're like, oh no, oh no. The watery mouth.
Yeah, like where it's coming up and you're like, your body's like, your body's freaking out. It's like, why is this motherfucker moving when we're still? Yeah, this is crazy. If you don't see the outside and see the line of the road and engage it, that's why people get seasick. Like, why are we moving and we're still? You must be drunk. You must have food poisoning. Whatever the fuck's in you, let's get it out now.
We've all had the shitting thing stage where you like have a turtle head gone. You're really just tightening that rump. I feel like it goes away though as soon as you get on stage. You get a little fight or flight, but every now and then you just like oh, I had a crazy meal. I had oysters in the green room and you're like. When you order your oysters. I always tell you on the menu. That's my food.
It pulled up a photo of me doing my Comedy Central. It's not bragging. Half hour a while ago, but I have a crazy virus, and I was shitting myself on state like gurgling bubble. While you were doing the special? My big taping was like the biggest I could ever done. Half hour special. Oh, man. I look so fat. I'm sweaty. I had an H. pylori. You get there from eating ass. Yeah, the consumed feces. First of all, congratulations. Thank you. What was his name?
It's all about timing. It was John Panette. Oh, wow, you do a ton of makeup, but I'm like bloated. You look like a chubby. I was the same weight I am now, but just that I'm so fat and sick, and I'm trying to push through it. Yeah, so were you sick days before as well? Yeah, but they're like we're not changing it. This is when you got to do it. Look at the neck everything. I mean
I look like a Ralphie Bay. You actually look cute. You look like a little piece of cherubic. Yeah, that's the word. Like I want to pinch your cheeks. I don't even know what year ago that is. Hey, if you're the one of you guys seen a drone, you guys are used to cars. I've been looking for them. You've seen the ones that everybody's complaining about. Yeah, they're all over Jersey. Like what did you say? They're like the side. They're huge. They're like as big as a car. And they're black with a ton of lights on them. They just whizzed by a quick. Big as a car. Yeah.
Wow. I did the comedy dojo and Morris Plains and they're all over. Triple E spot. Yeah. Yeah. And Joey Diaz is there all the time. Yeah. That's where Joey Diaz has been working out. There you go. Joey Diaz is coming back. We're doing a fight companion for the Sean Strickland, Druckett Stupola Sea fight. When's that? That's in February, February 8th, and Joey's going to be on fight companion. Oh, great. Hell yeah. Yeah.
Eddie Bravo had to go teach something. He's got something going on. And Brian Kalz is not going to make it either. What's he teaching? English? Jiu Jitsu, motherfucker. I thought he was at the community college. That's one of the best Jiu Jitsu coaches on Earth, buddy. How dare you? He's got a hundred schools. Yeah. Eddie Bravo has a hundred Jiu Jitsu schools.
I'm a 10th planet white belt. Is that right? Eddie brought Eddie probably. Yeah. He's been running 10th planet since 2003. How many? Yeah. Yeah. What color? 21 fucking years. That's why. I'm not listening. I bought Ari a year's worth of Jiu Jitsu for Christmas.
Yeah. He got pretty good. He swept me once. He caught me slipping. I got a little too confident. You must have destroyed. I was happy. I did destroy him. He destroyed me. He was like, good job. You're going to pay for that now, but good job. I didn't do it extra. I never heard him.
I never destroyed you destroyed. I never like really went full. You get you was the one. There's just like five foot two Japanese guy brown belt at the time and I made a mistake of getting his back. And then I went and he bought me off and then he tapped me 34 times in 18 minutes.
He was an animal. Holy shit. Good guy. Super nice guy, but he's an animal. Shideki? Shideki is one of those guys like you would never think he's like five foot three. You'd never think you'd like no, I fucked this guy up. I'm gonna throw this battle for my life with that guy. We would battle to the death to like it was for my life. Like it was dangerous. Chinese dangerous. Japanese Japanese. He'd catch you in arm bars. Transition to a leg lock. He'd be fighting off a choke and like whoo.
You get out of that role. Thank you. Whoo. That was good. That was good. That was good. Damn. There's a few of those guys that he had. Eddie Bravo had some assassins there, but Ari got pretty fucking good. Yeah. He was tapping people. But when you swept me that one time I was like, this motherfucker can like it. I couldn't afford it. And you couldn't take that before. He caught me slipping and he exploded. He exploded with a butterfly sweep. And he got, he snatched an overhook and went right into the butterfly sweep. I was going over. I was like, this motherfucker caught me.
He just makes it he puts it in your head where you're not even thinking about it. You just go. Yeah Shane I got Shane for a second didn't I tapped you once whoa when when out there no chance 100 you don't think are we tap you? Yeah, we had to start with you on my back sitting there you're
700 pounds. If you guys rolled, Ari would get you. You did tap. Big pun. He'll get you. I got you twice. You'd eventually get tired and you'd catch in something you wouldn't know. He was more tired than I was. I was. Well, he's definitely tired out. He's old, but he just lies there and takes his time. Wait, you're saying I did not tap you twice with an arm triangle with an arm triangle? Yeah.
I don't think so. Remember this position? Remember going like this? Is that where we started with my arm like that? First and second time. No, we're at my arm. Hold on. We had every single time we had to start with him on my back. You made us start with him literally arms around me. I made him start with
with this is an over-under from the back, that's what it was. Like an Eddie Bravo tournament. The Eddie Bravo Invitational, when it goes in overtime, you have two positions you can start from, you can start from the back, or you can start from Spiderweb. It's an even position. It's an even position? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Well, yeah, I don't know if you'll be wrong with Lewis. Let's start punching him in the side. If when Ari was training, he would have got you. Oh, I'm trying to punch. He would have fucked you up. No, he's not a lot of punch. Oh, well, I don't know any of the moves. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I mean. I could lay on him and hold his arms down. And you did. Yeah. For a little while. You got me more than I am. You will stop before I stop on that. Oh, gas. Interesting. Yeah.
one of my early tournaments that we don't like you guys to be fully drawn. We did this. We did it. I know. I know. I was killing him. We should start from like a new position. Slap hands. No, just just for a pack. I'll kill him on that. We're talking. Why are you guys saying this to me? I tell that to you.
That one day nothing that's walking around with your friends rolling around trying to choke each other in a football. Yeah, just
Hold on, I'll say, why are you guys pretending that something happened? He got you. No, no, no, no. I was there. No, no, no, no, no. It's happening. Nothing, no, it's not a real tap. It's a tap from an advantageous position. It's like, it's not the same. It literally started with his arm around my neck. I thought that's easy. He transitioned to that. He transitioned to that very quickly. I knew you weren't looking for it. It was unfortunate. It was my one move I could do, OK? All right. Stay off.
All right, whatever. He's cracking up another butler. Let's see what happens. We can do this. As soon as we're done, I'll fuck you up. It doesn't change the fact that it happened. Let's do it on kill Tony. You guys go at it. Wow. That could be fun. This is intense. We can do it. Bro, I want people. Oh, that was slow. Tell a great name. You ever think about getting back to it, Ari? I think about it, but I break easily. Yeah, but if you just like gave yourself in a little bit of shape before you do it, it's got to get in a treadmill.
That's a bigger thing. Well, start doing it. Just got to walk to my car once. Well, you got in really good shape when we're doing sober october. Yeah. You got you got ripped. You got six back. Got to have a reason. You are lean now. Yeah. Ari had to have a competitive. I liked when you were a gaming weight. I liked that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ari was nice. Yeah. Ari did it with with Will too. No, it was epic.
Yeah, it's right. Yeah. There's a cheat code now. A lot of people are thin. You can come up with it. You can come up with it. A long line of holocaust survivors. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a legit holocaust survivor. Is that right? Dad's got tons of me. Yeah. Wow. Is your dad going to do the podcast? He could talk about it. We talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We kind of went away with COVID and stuff. Yeah. Would you approve of that? That was going to be embarrassing. That's right. That's right.
This is awesome I'm just now like how far can he go That's right is great that's right
I was watching Jamie have I played it before these Scottish guys with Tourette's on here. Oh, that's great. It's like my favorite This is just a fun thing People with mental diseases and speaking from tongue I was watching it first off Scott is the funniest
Possible accent There's a documentary I think it was National Geographic a long time ago, and I watched it when it came out y'all these guys rule hold on this isn't This isn't it They all dress like you. Yeah, I know I went over there. I was like these are my people. Yeah, I'm Scottish and Irish obviously Hold on. We'll find one no different different one. This is these are the guys though
Um, your Irish though, right? Yeah. Are they going to yell out? Is that what happens? They, there's three dudes. Hold on, Jamie, find the one with three dudes, link up and go on a
Is this like a long documentary and there's like a section of the documentary? No, the whole thing's late. It's just a different video. Oh Yeah, if you type in Scottish Tourette's but I mean obviously highlights Go to that one four minutes. That's where I can't help it
Funny, no, hold on. Funny highlights? Well, those are all so hilarious, but... Okay, let me hear this one more. Let me hear some... Let me hear some of it. I'm trying to make the best hold and hold and joggin'! Fuck! Good work is a 10-minute walk away from his home. Oh my god.
It's never nice shit to you. Hold on. There's one part though, because the whole point of it is these three guys link up that have it severely. Right. And they're like, we're going to go, we're going to start a commune or not a commune. We're going to find a place where we can chill out in wilderness. They go to a lake, scream at each other, and all they do is they play a game with her. They're trying to hit each other in the knots with a ball.
It's so funny. Having pub quizzes and stuff at the centre. Something like plain charades. Sir Rob. Let me hear a little bit of him talking. I want to even figure out. I'm never ever the person that stands up and has to act out what film it is. I kind of keep it to myself. I'll stand up and I'll say, Jaws! Right? That's my turn.
I didn't get a word of that. He said I can't do charades because I'll just go up there and say the answer. Like what movies and he goes up and goes JAWS!
What? We're going to crash. Wow. The border between England and Ireland. Wow. Hold on. How are they? I've been how are they? I'm a chicken. Bam, I'm a chicken. These three fucking rules, dude. He doesn't just take around Carol. He constantly takes around their children. Hold on. Taking around the kids is hilarious. That's dangerous. I'm thinking.
There's no flies there. National Geographic. It's funny that they swear. Hold on Jamie, this is the best part of the whole thing. Right here. He taps him on the head. What? That's so good. That's good stuff.
It's probably cool that they get to hang out together, though, right? So they don't care. That's like the only time they could be here. Yeah, they should have a podcast. They should. They'll be hilarious. Try to hit each other in the nuts with a ball. No defending. From behind, that's a weird choice. They're playing like a really serious sad music moment. And they cut to what they're doing.
I thought you guys might enjoy these guys. This guy's rule. They killed it. They killed it. They killed it. Yeah, that's pretty good. All right. I stepped on it. That's nice.
That's a last one I can't believe you guys said already fucking that's twice twice Norman I'm certain you don't remember I remember you jumped on everybody you jumped on the whole pile of people Norman you were killing him with an arm bar then I jumped on to try to help but I think I held on a way too long
Yeah, but the problem with that is like I want you to push me. Yeah, like it's pulled me. Yeah, I'm like kid. I arm dragged you like this is fun It was fun
It was pretty ridiculous. We got all scratched up. Everybody got their knees all scuffed up on a carpet. We have mats here. We didn't drop to get to the mat. We were too drunk to make it to the mats. The best part is you guys are going at it like crazy and Carl is just like
That's literally like pretending to drive a car when there's a car right next to you. We're like, nah, we can't make it into the math. That's like 20 steps too far. Yeah, that's too far. So when you fuck a girl in the bathroom, the bed's right there, but you couldn't hold it. Yeah, but that's fun. Something exciting. Let's see what this sink can do. Yeah, let that sink in. Sinking hold you up. But if it doesn't, that's a real problem. It breaks. I've had a few times. I never get up there.
When a girl takes me to the bathroom, I never jump on the sink. I've pissed in the sink at least a thousand times in my life. Oh, yeah. How many times do you piss in the sink? Oh, yeah. More often. Yeah, I've pissed in the sink. There's a lot of people who don't like that. No, you run the water. I like it. They don't need to know. I like it. I piss in the shower every time I get in the shower. Same, of course. Every time. I went to, oh, yeah. Every time. Every time. I was in Philly. No, no, no, no. But I went to Wells Fargo for you. We went to, they got, it's a 676, there's locker room. Yeah. All the urinals start up here.
Yeah, John Stockton comes for a visit. He's white The best thing about pissing the showers when you don't even acknowledge that you're pissing like you're just washing yourself and peeing at the same time. You let it flow. It feels good. Like our ancestors used to do these just pee. They didn't hold it in.
Why would they hold it in? But even a dog like Ben's, the Sherry just like letting it fly. So, peeing in your own backyard feels good. I feel like an American. I pee in my own bed. Whenever I take my dog out to P.I.P. It's nice. I pee all the time outside. That's nice.
It still counts. You only have like a half a second delay. It's like the five second rule we drop food. Five second rule really helps. I'm just thinking about all the ass up Normans eating and think about how ridiculous would be to not eat food off the ground. Spax. Yeah, you gotta do it. Yeah, fucking leftovers at restaurants. Hey, here's when you went to the bathroom. Why not at breakfast?
Norman just would see like at the cellar, stuff coming back and he goes, whoa. I've done it. Give me that. It works. This has never not worked for me. You go up to a table that's been sitting there for a while at a restaurant and you go, you want to clear this out of the way and they go, oh, please. And you just take their wings. Wow. It's never not worked. And you just eat their wings? Yeah, it's wings. But then they find out that you're not working there. Well, that doesn't matter. They're running out of the way. Yeah. They probably watched. That guy just took our wings. He's eating them. Yeah. They've never questioned it. They just run away.
That's so weird. How many times you done that? Oh, she's a dozen. Norman is the biggest joy now. That's so weird. Yeah. Is it because you don't want the food to go to waste or you're hungry? Both. Well, are you having money? I had no money back then. But now it's just a rush. But now you just do it for the goofs. And I had no food in my house as a kid, and I think it fucked me up. Also, it's right there.
It's right there. When we were at Bonnaroo, and he went, Norman went off to hang out, have some fun somewhere, and then came back. There was a staff party, crawfish boil. Comes back three hours later. I was like, ah, what a crazy night. Look at all these on his heads. Just sucking out the heads. Sucking out the heads. Like Lily Phillips. Sucking the heads is delicious. Oh yeah. You got to suck the heads. You got to do it. It's all the flavor. Prawns, too. You get like a big juicy prawn. And they cook them in garlic, and you suck the heads. You've gone from shrimp to prawn.
You got elitist. No! Shrimp's great too, but prawns are different animals. What's the difference? They're longer. It's weirder looking. They're kind of cool. Prawns, they have like a long, shelly head. Fucking whiskers. Whatever those things are. You suck on that head and get that brain juice.
I never suck at brain juice. I thought it was the same thing. I did the same thing. You know when you have peeled shrimp when you have to peel it? Yeah, I don't peel it. You see this show. Damn. You eat ass. Who doesn't get ass at this point?
I grew up in a time when nobody had asked because back in my day nobody shaved. It was chaos. That's porn. That's porn's biggest victory. Porn's biggest victory over culture is shaving a pubicare. I used to do a joke about it where if aliens came and they were studying the development of the human race, they'd be like, what happened in pubicare?
There's no documented, like, direction. Nobody told people to do it. It's not a public health concern. Nobody, like, issued some sort of a statement that you should start shaving your pubes. But everybody, when they started seeing porn, they all started shaving their pubes. Great. Also kind of taught them how to give head to.
Yes. They're getting a little rowdy with the head. It's ladies due to porn. When they get a little rowdy and they start gagging. Yeah. Because of porn now, every girl does that. Right. I've used porn to watch how to eat out, maybe get some tips. I think they're exaggerating. I was talking to our friend Whitney Cummings was explaining how. I never get there yet. She didn't know. She was the one, the gagging conversation. She was saying that she went down to this guy. She started gagging and he was like, stop, stop. What are you doing? Yeah. She was good for you.
Yeah, it's it's overkill. It's overkill. I'm just showing your enthusiasm. I did a joke in my special about that. Oh, I've had girls get like, yeah. I've been like this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Fuck it. Right. Is anything that you want that? Is that? No, I think that's porn. I think it's porn. Right. Right. When girls give a head now, like.
But isn't it weird? It's because like it started out just people having sex. And then once people saw people having sex, they're like, let's kick this up a notch. Yes. Yeah. Why don't you tie each other up? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? You remember that one guy that got arrested? He actually went to jail. No, no, no. He went to jail for there was something about the way that they tried him in Florida. He was famous for like horrible stuff like he would open up those bottles. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, right. Rocco Sefredi. No, no, no, no. He was an American guy.
Get a cowboy hat. I know you're talking about a very disgusting style of porn that it was the idea of like these things keep Accelerated. Yes getting more and more deviant because people get more Max Hart's hard core So that guy wind up because they tried him in james morning. Yes, no That was back when that was back when this typical bus
His championship week, you guys are ready to show the throat. He fucks a butt. He's ready. He can't let him do that. You guys have to bet. You have to win your money back that he stole from you at the puck. He stole from me. The money stole from you.
Oh wait. Jamie pulled up. Jamie borrowed money from Shane and didn't give him a cut. Didn't give me a cut. Oh really? What do you mean?
You gotta give him a gapper don't you know what a gapper is son I know a gaper No a gapper like so let's say if if you and and Shane are playing pool and you're gambling and you don't have any money you say keep me a hundred dollars Yeah, I give you a hundred bucks you win $300 off a Shane you throw me 50 bucks you throw me a little bit give me a piece of the
That's right. You were gonna have to pay me a hundred bucks back anyway, so it was like, you know, I gave you the hundred bucks so you can get an action. So even though you really technically only owe me a hundred bucks, if you want this to keep happening in the future, you throw me a gapper. Yeah. So you throw them fifty bucks. I like it. I do have an important question for the podcast.
Jamie, who's the Epstein pedophile that paid for Ohio State's roster this year? This is information I mentioned to you before so I don't know that that's even true. Whoa! Jamie always takes the establishment position. Who's the Epstein?
Who's the Epstein guy? Do you want to talk about the Catholic Church? Lexner? That's his name. Now Lex Wexner, what did he do and why does he pay for your entire roster? And most of your campus? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State. Yeah, what did he do though? That's a big business man. I don't know what he did specifically. Did he do anything weird? No, I mean just insinuations. I have no idea what he did. I don't know either.
Do you want to go on Reddit? Just Google them. See what you do. Jeffrey Epstein worked for him. Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster. Oh boy. Interesting. You're going to get a head coach spazzing on here again. Well, interesting. Ryan Day can spazz all he wanted. At least saving is the goat. Interesting. Ryan Day, born on third, thinks he had a triple, can talk all the shit he wants. Born on third. Wow. Third right. Oh, you missed it. We got it.
No, but if we do bet we're definitely using the spread
What's the spread? We're not going money line on this. Why is that? Well, I say favor by 10. Yeah, but you can't do that. Are you afraid? You already think you're going to lose? No, you can't. You can't ask for a spread. Well, if we go money line, I'm getting the spread. What are you going to do? What? Shane would be happy if Notre Dame loses by nine. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You won't bet 5050. Probably not on this one. Because you're okay. I don't know how many know we bet with real fans. I'm set with you right now. I'll only bet with real fans like Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Guy fans. Wow. We're in Texas gear at the Texas Ohio State game. This is outrageous is getting crazy. Where is this game taking place? Atlanta on Monday. Are you guys going? I'm definitely going. Jesus Christ. That would be fun. I'm able to go. Bring my father. Tony's going.
Big Phil. Phil made it to the week one and then he had a heart attack week two against Northern Illinois. That put him in the grave. Is he all right? He's back. He's been trained and consistently to get to this game. Hell yeah. Yeah. So I get plus two eight. Why are your favorites? Money line? Money line is ridiculous. If you guys are men, you gamble. Wow.
That's a hundred bucks. He bets a hundred bucks. Oh, yeah. Deal. Oh That's a money that mattered to him. How would you do a hundred bucks? That's a good she sure. Yeah, do a hundred bucks. Whoa, what's getting on your shirt?
Do you have that shirt Jamie? We need the photo of that shirt. I don't know but he does have a ponytail.
Yeah, Jamie, I sent you the Leonardo DiCaprio meme, too. Please, I haven't seen that one. This is the one that you get banned. All right. You get banned from fucking Twitter for this one or from. Shane's blurry. He's been drinking. Trump's pretty tall. Yeah, Trump's a big fellow. And he's old, so he probably used to be taller. That's true. Thanks.
Well, Barron's like eight foot nine. He's a fucking giant. He's huge. He's the one who told him to come on here. Yeah. Well, and Dana White. And he's probably not done. Dana White's the guy who got him on here legitimately. Did you hear a loved one take the vaccine? Maybe. And they took this down. That's not even fake news. This is in the future idea. It's a clearly a joke. Nothing. Isn't it crazy though? Cook that down.
Cookey Times. Well, they didn't take it down. I should say the government told Facebook to take it down. It was one of the things that Zuckerberg talked about. He's like, what the fuck? We're not going to take down humorous memes. This is crazy. And that's when they started bringing them to court and it got ugly. They had to like remember. Yeah. Yeah. And he was drinking water like a lizard, which I give him credit for that because there's freaking out the amount of fucking photographers in front of him. Do you ever see that? Not just that. Like he's freaking out. Like you're literally talking to the government who are thinking about shutting you down.
Yeah. And then that one guy was like, are you worried about the weight of all the data, sinking in Ireland? Jesus. Whoa. He was like, what? He didn't take away something? Megabytes. Oh, my God. Yeah, right. And he was like, no, I'm not worried about that. How about dudes were asking him, who am I? Why am I talking to this guy? What's fake to you, right? The weren't dudes asking him, like, Google questions. Yeah. He runs Facebook. Like, it was, the whole thing was, like, so un, like, they were unprepared. Yeah. Right. A few of them.
but that's the thing about being like a congressperson like how many of them are like i don't care about logging and how many congresspeople are there
I have no idea. AOC. How many, Jamie? 435. 435 Congress people. That's a lot. Have you seen that one wacky lady with the crazy glasses from Connecticut? Is that what she from with the blue hair? Taylor Grisham. Where a lady where people were like bringing her up because she was, God, I forget what the ridiculous argument she was making about. And it never was like, who is this crazy lady? It's Rachel. Nutty equity argument.
but with these bananas glasses on. Like a character. Who's the hot lady battling the trans in there? Mm? There's a hot congressman. Yeah, she's got a hot guy. Yeah, I think it's rattles. She's battling the trans. Well, she's, she's a little bit glad he is with those big fucking kutsips. She's like, we're done with trans baby. Well, there was a first, the thing is there was a first openly trans congress person. Oh, she was saying that person's not going into the women's room.