192: Seasonal Serotonin..

Hey, a little doggy. Yeah. How you doing, little doggy? Yeah. You buckled up, little doggy? Yeah. How's that mezcal? Good. Today, the drink of choice is dos ombres mezcal, neat, mezcal, depending on how you want to say it, as well as a Waterloo black berry lemonade.

Justin's little baby. It's good practice for me. Yeah. I'm sure it is. If anyone that knows Brian Cranston or Aaron Paul, let me know. I'd love to have them on. Justin would be our bartender that episode while we let them respond to some crazy stories. A bartender with a mic. Yeah, we could. We could do that. I'm sure you'll have some takes.

Yeah. That's a bartender. Yeah. They would want to bartend though, because that's their thing. No, we could let them bartend here with some mics. We could do that. Here, the pitch guys put it out. I could have put it out to the universe. I would happily die after that. Oh my God. That's aggressive. Maybe we don't want them then. But welcome. Welcome to another episode of two hot takes. I'm your host Morgan. I'm Justin.

We are just finishing up the no takes left behind tour. I'm in my tea. I don't know if those who came to the show's notice, like all the little Easter eggs on this shirt, but there is a coconut, the carrot cake, yes, the heart from our first tour tea, and then the chocolate cherry cake and the slug. But I love this. This is probably the best design we've done. And they're all making.

Smores. They're all making s'mores. My other favorite thing. Mascown s'mores. Yeah. Perfect. I love it. It's just my favorite design. But merch. We're doing a Black Friday sale. Merch is on sale discounted. I believe these might be on there. Maybe not. I don't know.

We also are doing a big holiday sale for Patreon. So if you've been waiting to get on Patreon or even if you just come over for the free content, the free stories we've had the past couple of months have been insane. But we are doing a holiday sale on Patreon 50% off for at least a couple more weeks. So come on over there. You just enter code THT cheer.

Well, and what most people don't realize about Patreon is when you sign up, you don't just get that month. No. So if you sign up for December, you don't just get December. You get December plus everything prior. An entire back catalog. There's at least 500 posts.

on there. Think of the hours. It's a lot of my life. If you're waiting for that next episode, well, here's a whole shit ton of them. It's like you almost went to sleep for 12 months and woke up to all these fresh THTA finds. Yeah, even if you come over and join us for one month and then cancel.

Do it, come over, check it out, be a part of the fam. Um, holidays are coming up and that's a time of year. That's so hard for so many of us. And we have so many different chats on there for all of us to connect. And a couple of weeks ago, I was filling tea in the chat. I mean, it's just so, so fun. I, I really love our Patreon family and so many of them I know on a first name basis. So. And we can be a very good distraction.

We can be. You know what else is going to be a good distraction. You know what else is going to be full of cheer today? What? This episode. Today's theme is seasonal serotonin. A couple of weeks ago, I had someone say, please do a seasonal depression episode.

I think the thing to combat seasonal depression, seasonal serotonin, uplifting, wholesome, happy ending, could be a bumpy ride. It's not all butterflies and rainbow, I'll tell you that much, but this episode has something for everyone, I think. It's my kind of theme. It's going to be really good. I think.

One quick ad, then we'll get into it. Not an ad, but like ADD ad. Oh, an addition. I met someone who also loves when it gets dark out early. And I thought the day would never come. And there was someone in one of our sessions the other day loves that it gets dark at 4.30. And I'm like,

Yes, nobody, nobody else understands except for me and you. So I just wanted to share that that there's more than one of us out there. I think if it got dark at like seven, thirty, cool. That's cool. But this like it was sunset, sun's gone at four, forty five. I know it makes it tough for horse riding. I get that.

It's everything. Like when I worked at the hospital, I would go to work in the dark and then I would leave in the dark. Yeah. I wouldn't see the sun except for two days a week Saturday Sunday. Yeah. Like that's so hard. I get on my own island on this one. Yeah, I'm going to do a poll. I'm going to prove how lonely you are. But there's population two on that island right now. Okay. Okay. I'm not alone. That's all. I don't know about this one, guys. I'm a red flag again. You're a red flag again. That's a red flag.

End divorce. I'm just kidding. We'll put it to the people. We're not even married yet. How can we get divorced? We're going to do a poll. We'll see. We'll see. But are you ready for this one? Yes. Let's dive in.

OK, up first, I teased this one at a live show. If you've ever been to one of our live shows, you know, I usually will give a choice on one or two of the stories. And this one I gave to one of the cities and they picked the other. And I think they're going to realize this one is worth cheering loudly for. OK, well, they get the best of both worlds, I guess.

So this is coming from our slash relationship advice titled, I want to ask my 34 male business partner 31 female to be with me romantically. How do I go about changing the context of our relationship?

background, my childhood friend, female 31, and I, male 34, started a business together right out of college. We worked our asses off and became fairly successful. But we put our hearts and souls into it. And because of that, our social lives suffered a lot.

She was always better at balancing than I and had a long-term boyfriend until about seven months ago. They broke up in part because he said she always prioritized the business over him, though they were also long distance at the end, and that also played a role.

She showed up at my house crying. We hang out, drink wine, watch movies. I'm chronically single and tipsy, and she was now single and tipsy. Plus neither of us had had sex in a while, and one thing led to another. Yes, I was hoping we'd get there. Hell yeah. We agreed the next day to never discuss it again.

We didn't want to fuck up everything we've worked for or our friendship. Well, this wasn't to be because she ended up pregnant. Zero scares with the X one night of drunken sex, bam, pregnant. Damn, you really got after it. Wow. No holding back.

We discussed abortion, but she decided not to go through with it because she was concerned she wouldn't get another chance to be a mom. We agreed it could happen with someone far worse. We're already pretty evokably financially tied anyways, and we get along better than most people who actually tried to have kids.

Living together just made sense. I have a house I inherited that's bigger than what either of us could have afforded on just our incomes. So there's room for each of us to have a bedroom plus a room for the baby. We spend most of our days together anyways because of work. So living together actually made that easier. Now we can carpool.

We have separate rooms, though we have been intimate since she moved in and sometimes share a bed. I want to be with her, but I don't know how to move on to that step. She's literally next to me asleep in bed. We go out to dinner together, spend most of our time together. I just don't know how to move that into a romantic context or if it's even a good idea.

I mentioned it to my sister who blew up at me and accused me of trapping her and said that my partner would think I'm assuming just because she's pregnant. But the truth is that I think I've always loved her, but I didn't want to admit it because she's way out of my league.

So, what do I do? How do I change the context of the relationship when we're already so financially living together, family, etc., intertwined? What do I do?

Well, this was not the path I thought we were going now. Really? I thought it was we started this business. I've always really I've fallen in love with her through the process. And I'm wondering if I should cross that barrier or not.

Well, we did cross that barrier. We very clearly crossed the barrier and we did it with no protections, just going for it. She could have been on birth control. Well, sure, but I mean, we really went for it. They were tips. We didn't crack that door open. That door fell on the floor because we opened that door. They put a little dynamite in front of it for sure. Yeah. So we are there. There's a child.

We already have these feelings. We're living together. We've been romantic since. We call it romantic or intimate, whatever, you know, verbiage. So it's not like we're going from the classic love story of, oh, we've always been friends and I want to make the move. But as soon as I do that, you can never really go back.

Sometimes you can, but really you can't once you crack that door. In this case, we're already pretty much there. And I think the fact that you have a child with this person on the way and that we already have so much commingled that I think you 100% should just go for it. There's no reason not to. You're basically already there.

But what I would stress is, I think it'd be incredibly difficult to work all day with someone, go home with said someone, still parent and date and be intimate and sleep with someone. And if you never have any separation, I think that's a recipe for disaster. That's what friends are. So just think that would be so important because this could be such a beautiful story and I wouldn't want to see it get ruined.

Yeah, top comment. That sounds like forced gump. Tell her and let the chips fall as they may. I hope for you. Opie responds. The issue is that, as my sister pointed out, if she doesn't want me, I'm totally fucked. I lose my business partner, my best friend, and our co-parenting plans are fucked.

I don't think necessarily though, because this is a happy ever after just waiting to happen. But let's say it didn't. OK, let's go with the with the sister thing. So let's say it was a no. Then we're still going to co-parent. I don't know why that gets ruined. You're it's just awkward. But you do it for the kid, OK? You you co-parent well for the kid. Obviously they're going to I think they'll do a great job, but it's still it's kind of awkward after you pour your heart out to someone. It is not reciprocated.

But at the same time, there's no reason to lose the business over it. There's no reason because we're not making a giant leap here. We're making it. They're doing it. They're playing house. We're already sharing a bed together. It's just the next natural step to take that small step back. I don't think it's as impossible as they think if it all goes wrong. Yeah. Well, wish him the best.

Give me the update. Don't play like that. How do you know there's an update? That's the way you're acting. Well, wish him the best. On to the next one. You've never ever said that before. In that tone. We do have an update. Short update because I'm supposed to be working. And I don't expect this to get attention because my original post didn't. But I don't know who else to tell. The day after I posted originally, I told her I'm in love with her and asked her on a real date.

It went well, really well, so easily and just good. And she slept next to me again that night. I got to kiss her in public. She said it felt like our little family was right. And it really does feel right. It feels like everything just sort of snapped into focus.

I'm going to take everyone's advice and not just spring a marriage proposal on her out of nowhere, but I want to marry this girl and have more babies with her because everything just makes sense now. And yes, she said she loves me too. Perfect. I'm really excited. I'm really excited. Do you know also how old this one is? It's five years old. Oh, wow. Five years old. Have you come across it before?

Now I'm like, fuck, I should check against my two hot takes dog and make sure I haven't read this before. I feel like there's not much on Reddit you haven't seen. So anytime you pull out old ones, I'm like, have you been across this one before? And it just hasn't fit. There's a chance. Well, it is not in my two hot takes Reddit stories master spreadsheet. So I don't know if I've come across it. Well, I think it flew under the radar.

But I love it. I mean, how many people out there are in love with their best friend and just are afraid to tell them are afraid to mess it up. You could have everything you've dreamed about everything. It could go so well. Yeah. Why not? Why not shoot the shot? You always got to figure out the what if no matter what is in life.

Even if it means, you know, moving away, if it means chasing this crazy random idea, but you're so inspired to do it, you just never know until you try. And I know that sounds cliche, but you see sometimes, you know, the most happy people in life are the ones that just went for it. And they're like, I can't imagine if I had made any other choice.

Yeah. A lot of people on this update too are like, uh, if only it was this easy and blah, blah, blah, blah. We have like a lot of Ebony's or Scrooge's. And someone was like, maybe if you're attractive laughing my ass off and OP responds, I'm not to be honest. I'm still in shock over the last few months. It feels like a dream. Yeah. Shoot your shot.

Shoot your shot. And there's something to people that work very well together. From the start, they worked well together. They built a successful business. There's that chemistry between them, which it doesn't necessarily mean romantic, but it already means you can work well together and you can operate well as a team.

So then when you go into take that into the romantic space, you already have such a great foundation to work from that it could be that perfect picture, you know, happily happy ever after that is in every movie.

Mm-hmm. It's so, so cute. There's actually a lot of comments from OP. Like, so, so many. Here he is talking about her. She is beautiful, as in people have always, always turned to look at her. She walks by beautiful. The type of beautiful where she did some small-scale modeling in college, and she's fucking brilliant.

I'm three years older, two years ahead in school, and she still got her masters at the same time as I did, and she's funny and so much fucking fun. We watch the same movies a million times over and laugh every time. We stay up late talking about everything under the sun. I'm chunky and scruffy and prediabetic and spend all of my time geeking out over minutia.

I don't know what that is. And she loves the minutiae and shares in it and revels in it and looks at me listening like I'm the only one in the world, even when anyone and everyone else would have zoned out in a few minutes. I can still barely process anything that has happened the last few months. Wow. Sounds like a fairy tale.

Dude, it literally is. I'm so curious what the business is. They do talk about switching on and off, like he'll take office days, she'll stay at home and go back and forth. They also, someone suggested taking the baby in the office might as well. And they're like, well, that's something I didn't consider.

Yeah. I mean, when you have your own business, work-life balance really isn't a thing. So if your partner is included in the business, honestly, that might make it easier to have work-life balance because there is none. It's just all in one. Yeah. Someone comments on the prediabetic thing and they're like, be a better version of yourself for her and your new baby. And I hope he goes, she's been encouraging me to eat better. I fully intend to leave the prediabetic zone. I have to stay healthy now, have the responsibility.

There you go. I just love it. I love it. Just more talk about how they're going to split tasks. She's going to stay home at first. Maybe work from home as the time goes by and then we should start switching off days working from the office and at home. Honestly, I think she'd go insane if she wasn't working. A lot of the business was her idea. She was the one working late nights and going to trade shows and conferences and charming investors. I love it.

I'm just like, wow, where was he? What a dynamic duo. Hey, a little little boss babe over there. No, I like that, but like, come on now. Come on now. Carry your way, buddy. I wonder if they have a bunch of employees and stuff. It sounds like it. I'm just picturing one of them going to the office and the other one's just at home and they're both alone. Well, one is a kid, but just go to an empty office now. It sounds like they have some stuff, but

I love it. Okay. Moving along. This is coming from r slash plushies. It is titled, I left my childhood stuffy in a hotel overseas. Why did I think furries? Oh my gosh. What show was that Utah? We had a lot of furries in attendance. A lot of furries there. Furries stories at least. There are a lot there.

So this is coming from September 12th, 2024. I don't know why I'm writing this. I just feel absolutely heartbroken. I just got back from Greece early hours Tuesday morning unpacked my case yesterday and only realized when I got in bed last night that my stuffed seal wasn't there.

I've had him since I was six, and slept with him almost every night since. He comes everywhere with me. He's been to uni with me. He comes on holidays with me, and anywhere I move to, he comes with. I always said I wanted to be buried with him. He means that much to me.

I barely slept last night and had an anxiety attack. I've emailed the hotel and rang this morning, but they just said they'll respond to my email. I've been constantly refreshing my email since. I'm due to start back at work in 20 minutes, but I can't stop crying. I can't breathe properly from how hard I'm crying. And I want to call in sick. My stomach is constantly turning and I feel sick. I know that sounds pathetic, but it genuinely feels like I'm grieving.

Well, we are all too familiar with this feeling. I think we've both had a good handful of experiences with this. To lose something, though, from your childhood. And to get on the worst part is getting back from a trip.

Oh my God. And unpacking and then realizing. You're so far away. It doesn't really matter what the item is. It can be jewelry, it can be a special jacket or anything that's handed down. For me, it's my grandpa's dog tag. And they are those types of things that you'd want to be buried with. They're on that level.

I lost my baby blanket at a hotel, and it was a hotel like 30 minutes from my house. And I was like 12, took this baby blanket with me everywhere.

and we called the very next day and it was gone. They said they threw it out. It's heartbreaking. Well, I'm hopeful, given the nature of this theme of what's coming, but I would like to say that if you do lose something like that, it's not lost. I mean, it's really in

the memory of it or in the memory of what it represents. So if something special is handed down to you, it's a token of remembrance of maybe that person or a really fun time, whether it's a souvenir or something of that sort. It's more about the memories and what you carry forward and the stories you tell from it. And that's what I always think about like my ring is,

It has so many great stories behind it now that I'd be heartbroken if I lost it. But the one thing that you don't lose is those stories and those memories. Those are always still stay with you, even though you don't physically have it. Yeah, that's very last. I just think there's end, you know, on some level, there's not the pressure of being scared that you're going to lose it. Once it's gone, you can't lose it twice. Okay. The sentimental jewelry I've lost. I'm just like,

I could lose any other jewelry now, and I'm like, whatever. I don't want to, but I've felt way worse pain. I'm like, yeah, if there's anything positive about it that you can't lose it twice. Top comment. Email the hotel ASAP. No guarantee, but they might be able to find it and send it back to you. It's your best slash only chance to get it back. Unless you fly back, I guess.

I've emailed and my partner has emailed too. I'm just waiting for them to get back to me. They confirmed on the phone that they have a lost property bin. So I'm just praying they've put him there. I would pay whatever it takes to get him back. Hotels deal with this kind of thing all the time. They know how valued stuffies are.

OP responds. I hope you're right. I'm absolutely inconsolable right now. Next comment. Update us. I'm holding my stuffy right now scared. Just thinking about the idea. Absolute anxiety.

Um, this R slash plushies subreddit is so cute. It's a, uh, a place for cuddly, inanimate objects, have a favorite stuffed animal that you've had ever since you were a kid. You a college kid who has a plush rabbit or corgi to hold you over until you can afford a real one. Maybe you just got a cute, funny plushie as a gift or planning on giving one. Then post that cute stuffy here. That's cool. I like that. I love it. It's only got 83 K members. Hey, that's pretty good.

I know update. I've sent a picture of my Teddy to the hotel and they've responded saying their team is working on it now and locating it and will be in touch with any updates. My wonderful partner has also texted me to let me know how softy number two is on its way to me. When I told him OG softy had been left behind, he looked online and managed to find the exact same toy online and ordered one for me.

which I'm really surprised about as this plushie is around 24 years old and was bought for me from a marine animal park in France. It's not the same, but it's better than nothing. And if softy is found, he'll be coming home to his long lost twin. Wow, that's crazy. What an amazing partner. Oh my gosh, just like so beautiful. What an absolute swoosh.

Update two, the hotel got back to me and said they did a thorough investigation and couldn't find him. Absolutely heartbroken. Yeah, I'm going to leave it there. Are you?

Update. Yeah. Number three. There we go. Two days later. Yeah. Softy has been found. He got an email from the hotel this morning letting me know and he's being shipped out back to me today. He just had a little extended holiday.

Thank you, everyone who commented on the original post sending support reunion vibes and those who offered to help. I read every single message and appreciated every single one. I'm overwhelmed with happiness right now by the kindness of strangers. And thanks, softy felt all of your positivity and came out of hiding to come back home because they couldn't find them. So what happened? Oh, I don't know. Insane.

I guess we dealt with that with you with that little pin or the, oh my God, my bronze pin that my friend made me. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it was like, no, can't find it. And then just showed up in the mail. We found it like where, where was it when you couldn't find it? And then you found it.

It's absolutely insane. I will take a picture and put it in the YouTube for this. I just want to give a shout out. So I have a listener and they originally wrote in to father knows.

and shared a story on there. And we just kind of connected and emailed and then they came to our Chicago show where they gave me a custom bronze pin of my little pony, Konya, who at the time was like in the horse ICU on his death bed, basically. So to get this pin, it was so meaningful and so special. And I set it down on a bar stool to take a picture.

Went and grabbed like a water and then came back and it was gone. We went through every single trash can at that comedy club. We went through the dumpster outside. Justin was in the dumpster sifting through the trash. We couldn't find it. Could not find it anywhere. And I ended up just like talking to the venue. I'm like, if you find it, if anyone turns it in, please let me know. And it turned up a couple of days later. Don't know how it got there.

I don't know who gave it back, but I'm so glad it was found. And I just want to give a shout out to this person. They have the most amazing jewelry business, beautiful custom pieces. I mean, just it's absolutely incredible. And I'll, I'll put a picture of the Instagram page on YouTube, but it is all a Veen and ivory.

Small women owned custom jewelry business dedicated to providing fairly priced, well designed and handmade pieces using ethically sourced materials. So it was, it was really, really special and I, I'm just blown away. So there can be happy endings for everyone.

Softy made it home. Opie ended up having another post. Remember Softy the Seal left in a Greek hotel? Here he is reuniting with his family. Yes. He came home about a week and a half after the hotel found him. It was Softy, Jr. that took so long to arrive. And I wanted to wait to get a picture of him meeting his long-lost son.

For some reason, Softy Jr. is a lot smaller than OG Softy, but I like it better that way because he really does look like Softy's baby. Now you got to keep track of two of them. I know. There was a comment from OP that original Softy is now grounded, so I don't think they will be traveling anymore. See that scares me though. See you look at the little guy.

Wow, they are really close. Yeah, that is a cute little guy. It's the cutest little seal. Yeah, I'd be sad to lose that guy too. The baby Harper seals, which is the big guys. It's like a stuffed animal version of that. It's so cute. He almost found almost identical. It's just how would you know the size?

I mean, yeah, well, and the new one has whiskers. Yeah. And I'm curious if the original softy lost his whiskers along the way. Just well-loved. Being so old came off in the wash or something, but really, really happy story. Yeah. I love it. Put that thing in a fireproof box when you leave, you know? Good. Insane. Okay. In a safe, actually.

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This is coming from r slash crochet help. It is titled, I'd like to make an advent calendar of crocheting stuff for my wife, but I'm a clueless husband. Could you give me some ideas?

My wife wanted to get the kids smaller gifts this holiday season, as well as try to spread the gifts around. So we decided to get the kids some advent calendars to that end yesterday. She was working on her computer and I happened to take a look at her screen when she got an email that was a receipt for an advent calendar for me.

Its theme is nothing that our kids would like, and we've already purchased the kids' calendars. I'm not stupid. While my wife may not be too disappointed if she doesn't get an advent calendar, I know that she would be over the moon if I made sure that she got an advent calendar as well. So I'm trying to think of some small gifts that I could put together as a calendar. She has been crocheting for around 30 years, learning at her grandmother's knee.

She crocheted everyone in her family a baby blanket. She's crocheted sweaters and blankets for our kids over the last few years. In addition, this summer, we remodeled parts of our house and now she has a small six foot by six foot nook that is all her space. She has an armchair and a footstool and shelves filled with yarn, completed projects, etc.

What kinds of things could I put in an advent calendar for her? I'd like to get at least a dozen items. Preferably, that would be less than $10 apiece. Thank you in advance for any help for this bewildered husband. P.S. What is the preferred word for someone who crochets? Is it crocheter? That's what I would think.

P.S.S. I make chain mail as a hobby. Is there anything I could make? That would be a good gift. I know some people who have made stitch markers out of mail, but I've never seen her use those.

I don't think you need to come up with a, you know, what is it? 25 physical items. I think you can do what a strategy I've employed in the past. And I for our two year made a bunch of random little coupons. The coupons were good. And so it's like people joke and really make fun of the coupons. Well, listen, but the coupons were good.

When you write, you can start small, right? Foot massage. Oh boy, you can start with small things. Do you know what my favorite was? Huh? Will brush your teeth for you? Yeah. That comes in handy, guys. If you want to feel loved, have your partner brush your teeth. And that was specific to you because you'd asked me so many times before that. So you can start with small things and then you could throw in, you know, pick your favorite,

Think about you guys is what you guys like to do. Pick your favorite restaurant. Dinner date with me at this restaurant is on day 20. You open that up. It's this. It's not something you physically open, but it's saying, hey, this is what you get. We can pick whenever you want to do it, but this is one of your gifts is right here. It's like this little coupon or this little picture of the restaurant name or whatever.

It's outside the box in terms of maybe more experiences over little random things. I think especially now, I think a lot of people, given all of this threat of tariffs and costs of goods and everything going up, I think a lot of people are going to be in the mindset of, let's start hunkering down now. Let's really budget now. Honestly,

people appreciate experiences too. Like obviously your kids are going to want to open something, go to the dollar store, go to the 99 cent store, get a bunch of little knickknacks. I loved that as a kid. It's my favorite. Dude, I love knickknacks and they have so many good ones. They have little crochet kids at the dollar tree or the 99 cent store, dollar general, whatever one is in your area.

Yeah. And granted, you walk in and some of the stuff is not a dollar now. It's, you know, $3.99, but it's still, you know, better priced and Target has their dollar section. Love a Target dollar section. Yeah. But get some little things and then, you know, save it for a rainy day fun, save it for a date night, do little coupons. I think experiences go such a long way or just effort, thoughtful effort, which is exactly what this husband is doing. Yeah.

Top comment. I've had my eye on Hobby's advent calendar. It looks like it could be some great fun. Not exactly the traditional 25 days of tiny gifts, but regardless, fun. Do a quick Google search for yarn advent calendars as well. It looks like there are some decent quality ones out there. Someone replies, I bought one. I want to look inside so bad, but I'm making myself wait just one more month.

and I did go look at hobbies, advent calendar, and there's four little bags, and it comes with like a crochet scarf pattern and yarn, a bag, a hat. It seems like it's kind of a surprise. Oh, cool. Yeah. So that's really cool, but we have an update. Okay. Four days after the original post coming from Halloween this year,

Thank you so much for your suggestions over the last week. As I mentioned in that last post, I'm not going for a full 24 days worth of gifts because, as I'm sure you are all aware, this stuff gets expensive. I'm going to begin collecting slash ordering all of the items this weekend. So if anyone has any last minute suggestions to make this better, I would appreciate it. Below is my plan. Day one, project big.

I plan on putting all of the other wrapped gifts inside of the bag and then wrapping the bag. It's I'm literally switching bag bag. The wrap job on the bag itself will be bad. I accept this.

Day 2, crochet tension ring. She mostly keeps the tension by gripping with her hand, but I figure that if she doesn't like this, it costs $5. So who cares? Day 3, curved darning needle. She mostly darns with a crochet hook, so I'll see if this helps her at all. Day 4, stitch markers that I made myself.

I make chain mail as a hobby. So I knew that I had to include something that I made myself in there. I might replace the class with a proper lobster class once I make it to the hobby shop, but this is all I had time for. And OP does include a picture. All of our crochet crocheters, crocheters are really going to appreciate this, but really, really cool, like inner linked metal circles that I'm sure have a very cool purpose for crocheting.

Yeah. Yeah.

But it like that in itself is like a little art. I love it. Day five, magnetic yarn holder. She unwraps a ton of yarn every 20 minutes and spreads it across every surface within her reach. Maybe this will keep her more organized. Day six, crochet sticker cards. She first learned how to crochet slash knit at her grandmother's knee when she was five. Grandma is now 95, but I bet that getting one of these cards will put a smile on her face.

Nice. And it's just really cute. It's like a little card and then it has a pattern on it. It almost looks like it's meant to make your own ornaments for your house. There's a snowflake, an angel, a stocking, a gingerbread, and an ornament present. So that is really cute. Day seven, Clover crochet hooks.

Good quality crochet hooks that several people suggested. Who am I to argue with it? Day eight, hairpin lace tool, something to give her some new ideas of things to make. Day nine, homemade, made by hand tags. This was suggested a few times. And I found some that I think are funny. Day 10, retractable measuring tape. She often measures lengths using her flattened palm. Maybe she'll want more precise measurements. Maybe not.

Day 11, yarn hoarder t-shirt. In my quest, I found several t-shirts that related how the real hobby is not actually crocheting, but instead collecting yarn. I'll choose one and give it to her. Day 12,

I'm so sorry, crochet people, Tunisian crochet hooks. Another thing to get her to expand her repertoire a bit. If she doesn't like it, then I've wasted a few bucks. Day 13, lotion bar. She often needs lotion, but doesn't use it much. If I can put a bar in a project bag, maybe she will use it. How are you finding out she doesn't use enough lotion on her hands? Because they scratchy.

Day 14. Instructions and materials to make a stuffy.

I found some instructions on making axolotl stuffies. Three of our currently four kids love axolotls. And the fourth is four years old. So he'll go with the flow. So I figured this will be a good item to go with. If anyone would like to give some opinions about the difficulty and time commitment of the patterns below, I would appreciate it. A bunch of different patterns to make a little cutie.

Oh yeah, I like those. I know. Very cute. I actually had a listener crochet me German Shepherd after my dog Bear passed away and it was beautiful. We've gotten a lot of crochet projects. We got a crochet poop knife from someone as a gift at a live show. The new hanging plan.

Oh my God. That is one of the coolest crochet things I've ever seen. Lauren and I at our Salt Lake City show. We got a crocheted item and I will put it. I'm going to like display it in the studio either on my set for a little bit or my dad set.

I think it'll be a permanent fixture on his. I think so. But it is literally like a hanging plant. It looks like that. It literally is a crocheted version of that. But then it has like the- With the macrame- The string holder. Yeah. It's amazing. And Lauren got this like little wind like spiral that's crocheted. That thing is wild. I don't understand that thing.

I don't understand. It's literally like the perfect curly Q like fry. Like it's unreal. It's like an optical illusion, but it's like, it's like, did you have to do math to do that? To get the, it feels like it's some geometry or it's insane. You guys insane. I'm going to have to have Lauren bring it so she can show you guys or maybe I can put a picture of it here. I'll put a picture in. It's yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then we'll see it eventually probably because how one lives with Lauren, that one won't live here. That's so sad. So top comment on this update. God, I've seen what you've done for others just basically being like, this is incredible. What an amazing person, amazing partner. So thoughtful.

And to know that much about your partner's craft, to know those detailed things means you're a very supportive person who truly gets into your partner's interests.

I love it. This is really, really good. I am sure we will get a final update on this one. Opie is commenting on gift exchange subreddits as of 10 hours ago. So I feel like we'll get an update of when she starts opening these and we'll find out what she thinks. But this is really beautiful.

To be seen is to be loved, to have someone that recognizes your passions and just wants to make your life fun. Like she secretly ordered him an advent calendar. They probably did said, you know, oh, you know, just for the kids. It's for the kids, but she was planning on doing something for him. And the fact that he is putting such effort and intense thought and care

It's so, so beautiful. And I know a lot of people are going to be like, well, that's how it should be. Well, guess what? The bar is in hell. That's beautiful. That's what everyone should strive for. That is love. If you don't feel seen, and this sounds so fucking silly.

This sounds so silly, but if you don't feel seen by your partner through like little, little effort, little gifts, little words of affirmation, whatever makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. If you don't feel seen or recognized or like you're not getting that,

move on because that is love. Love should be being seen. Love should be effortless. It shouldn't be, yes, it takes work at times, but it shouldn't feel like you're constantly fighting for love.

I would express how you're feeling before, though, give someone a chance to relight that flame per se, because I think sometimes you can get stuck, especially when you have kids, young kids, and you, you know, you're working day in and day out and you have so much on your plate. I think you can be a very good partner and a good person and loose

sight of that sometimes. And I think a good little reminder every once in a while is nice. I don't think you should be like, Oh, well, I haven't felt seen in the last month. So I'm out of here. Like people go through crazy busy times and.

I also think sometimes when you're so solid in your relationship, there's also can be a tendency to lose sight of the small things. And I think everyone can use a little reminder to always rethink about those. I agree. Just communicate little reminders. But if you had the conversation again and again, and you're constantly begging for more effort,

Yeah. Holidays are here. Let them be a judge. See if you feel seen. See if you feel loved. And if not, you know what to do. And we'll have an episode in January ready for you. You know what to do. You know what to do.

Last comment I see from OP on this crocheted advent extravaganza. I'm hoping that I can get a picture of all the gifts and maybe the beautiful subject herself once everything is said and done. If I do, then I will give this subreddit one more update. Has it happened?

No, oh, Christmas hasn't happened yet. Oh, I see. After. Yeah, that was 19 days ago. So OP still active. We're going to get it guys. We're going to get it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the eye contact every time I want to start doing that. Just make eye contact and just letting out a crazy fart. I would love it if you farted and just like staring. I would love it if you farted.

If you fart, I'll fart. Could you do it on command? I couldn't. I would sharp myself. No. Okay, this next one. Funny you mentioned farts, actually. That means you're going to have to keep your burp in. Unfortunately, this is coming from AITAH, 12 days old. Am I the asshole for using fart spray to get my uncle to stop with his cruel prank?

Mongol John has a super fun way to make kids cry. He will get the oil from lemon rinds and touch balloons. Sometimes they pop immediately. Sometimes they take a few seconds. At every party I've ever attended, where there were balloons and children, he has left a trail of torn latex and crying kids. Torn latex. My parents, my parents think it's all in good fun. I think he's a prick.

My sister had her keens in Yara last week. My contribution was a balloon arch. My sister was obviously turning 15 and didn't really care about the balloons, but we got some really nice pictures with the arch. Then I set it about side on some astroturf.

A few other people used it for pictures as well. Then my uncle showed up. I went up to him and told him that I had paid for the arch for my baby sister's party and that I wanted him to leave it alone. He said he would. Well, he did not.

I didn't want any accidents inside, so I didn't add the three balloons with fart spray to the arch until I moved it outside. And the balloons were double baggers. I had blown up one inside of another before I inflated the outer one.

But you could see the inside balloon. It was too much of a temptation. He resisted for 10 minutes or so. Then someone came and told me I went out. He was about to pick up the inner balloon and I told him not to touch it and to stop blowing up the decorations.

Well, he didn't listen. He said he wasn't doing anything except touching the balloons and that it wasn't his fault they were popping. So be it. He picked up the inner balloon. It wasn't as inflated as the outer one. So the surface tension was lesser. Therefore, it took almost two seconds for the balloon he was holding to proudly pop.

gagging, dry heaving, watery eyes, a profound desire to be elsewhere. I went through all of that. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be drenched in the liquid form of the fart spray. Drenched is an overstatement. There was maximum half a fluid ounce of fart liquid in the balloon, but he was covered in it.

And the pop did aerosolize it somewhat, so it got all over. He ended up having to go home and change. It was only like half an hour. He was gone. Maybe an hour. I wasn't paying attention. He did come back though, freshly showered, and he is pissed that I would play such a childish prank at such an important event for my family.

I said I had no idea what he was talking about. I reminded him that he had promised to leave the balloons alone, and that I had warned him not to touch the balloon that got him. My family is divided. They think I was a jerk to play a joke at my sister's party, but they are almost universally sick of him popping balloons. My grandfather left his ass off.

So am I the asshole? Hell no. This guy's a child. This is so good. This guy would annoy the shit out of me. This is such a good petty revenge. I hate popping balloons. I hate it. The shock, the noise. Nobody enjoys a balloon just popping right next to them. If you do, that's weird. This guy, weird. The scariest balloon pop is when it's in your car. And you're driving up to Big Bear and you don't expect it in the altitude.

That was scary, but no. Um, when it gets really hot in your car, they just start going off. Yeah. That's not cool. Then you. It's so scary. Jerked the wheel. Uh, I don't understand the pop in the balloons and I don't this, the oil. Does he just carry this stuff around his pocket? And every time he sees a balloon, he's like,

Oh, balloon, I have to pop the balloon. Like what is wrong with you? It's weird. Especially like if you're gonna, oh God, imagine if he lived in an apartment and his hobby was buying balloons from the store, blowing them up and popping them himself. Like are you that obsessed? I don't like it. But the moment that balloon popped, man, would that be satisfying to watch? That's a good one. And you know he had to go home and scrub.

Oh, yeah, that stuff stinks. It stinks. I wonder if it smells like the fly traps. Oh, my gosh. You guys, if you ever, if you ever go to a horse stable, I just want everyone to be able to experience it because it's the worst, most putrid smell. Probably one of the worst out there.

It's so bad. I mean, it's rotting flies. It's so bad. But we buy these little fly traps. You pour this like water in with fly, food, mix, whatever, and you seal it up and the flies go in and they can't fly back out. So towards the end of this canisters or bag's life, there's easily a hundred, you know, 200 in the big one flies. And depending on how many flies you have, this smell.

I mean, I don't know what else I could tell you. It smells like, but this is a seasonal serotonin episode. So I don't want to. Smells good comparatively. I would agree with that. And some would agree with that. It's funny because sometimes I go out there and I'm like, Oh my God, Konya or Smartie, you guys stink. And then I realize I look behind me and I'm right by the fly shot. I'm like, Oh, it's not you guys.

No, that thing it smells so bad. So bad. It's just like, there's no words. It's just bad. Another one of this week's partners is Audible. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.

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Good. But we're here for it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We do know. We're here. We're doing it now. It's coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit. One month old, titled, I paid $400 for someone to have sex with my sister's boyfriend. Nice.

My 29 female, little sister, now 24, is the sweetest girl in the world, and we are extremely close. She started a situation with the worst person I've ever met for two years.

So many nights I and my then fiance now husband, her friends held her while she cried over the things he would do and say to her until she finally broke it off. We thought it was behind us for around five months until she surprise announced they were officially dating.

My whole family hates this guy, and we were extremely distraught, but we were scared to let her know in case we pushed her away, since we had previously voiced how much we all disliked him and pushed her to leave him behind. He tried to get her to isolate herself from her friends and family then.

My wedding was coming up about six months after they made it official and my sister was the maid of honor. I had no intention of inviting her devil spawn boyfriend, but he told her he would break up with her if he wasn't invited. Course.

He told her she was a terrible person if she associated with anyone at the wedding if they didn't support their relationship. Even my sister knew that was a stretch, but was anxious and crying every day for a week after he dragged her self-esteem to rock bottom and convinced her she was the worst partner in the world for not fighting for their relationship.

So, to avoid more heartbreak for her, I initially invited him. But I also, coincidentally, know the worst woman in the world. Used to be a friend of ours over a decade ago in high school, but she was terrible and we cut off the friendship.

She was not originally invited to the wedding. Her world views are abhorrent, and she slept with countless of our friends, old boyfriends, while they were together. So I knew she was up for the job.

She is dating a very sweet, very strange man. So I took a chance, offered her $250 and a wedding invite to hook up with my sister's boyfriend. But she must generate proof of some kind. She said she'd do it for $200, laughing my ass off. But I also had to pay her boyfriend $200, and he was fine with it.

She had it completed within the day. She bought tickets to a music venue he was going to that night. They are both despicable people. But Christ, I admit, I was impressed.

She sent full video taken by my sister's boyfriend to my sister that day. This was two months before the wedding. I had her send it to my sister's friends too, and I told family members about it so that the added humiliation of everyone knowing

would make her less likely to forgive and stay with him. My sister grieved for many days and initially I felt like the worst person in the world. I thought her self esteem was so low already because of him and I just snuffed out what little she had left. But after a week, it seemed to have almost the opposite effect.

It was like the validation she needed to know that all the gaslighting, manipulation, and horrible things he had said for years was just projection and that he was, in fact, the problem. They broke up and she was very sad about it for a while, but I saw the light coming back in her eyes.

He didn't come to the wedding. Awful woman did. My sister was extremely confused and upset by it, but I managed to convince her I had let her come with an elaborate lie about her mother dying. That part isn't the lie. Her mother did actually die. And I hope it never comes up again. Everyone had a really good time.

It has been a year since they broke up. My sister is like a whole new woman. She's confident, stands up for herself more. She's got a brilliant job, has an amazing apartment, and is dating a very sweet guy. I think my husband knows what I did when he found out for my sister what had happened. He looked at me in this way. And we never talked about it.

He never talked about it to me directly, and I'm sure it's because he clocked me immediately that I had something to do with it, and he didn't want confirmation. But I think he also approves. He told me yesterday how much relief it brings him to know she is doing worlds better without him. They are also very close. I know it's fucked up that I was capable of such a thing, but I don't regret it at all.

If it comes out one day, what I did, I'll take my consequences on the chin. I do often get anxious. The woman I paid will tell someone or use it as leverage over me, but it hasn't come up yet. Surprising to me. Maybe it was just another Saturday for her and she has completely forgotten. I don't know. The end.

Oh, there's not a question. It wasn't okay. Just a post on our very own two-autics subreddit telling a story. Okay, because if it wasn't, am I the asshole? It's, I think by definition, yes, you are.

because it's just a fine household though. Yeah, but see. But it's a risky game to play. It is because it could have totally backfired. It could have affected you and her's relationship. If it had come out in the wash, a lot of times in these situations, when you try to go in and mess with a relationship generally of like your friend or a sibling, generally it will backfire on you and you'll be outcast and you'll be the enemy.

Mm hmm. What's funny is how she said the two worst people in the world, this lady and the boyfriend. I know. You know, usually they say match made in heaven, but because he's what she said, the spawn, devil spawn. And really, this is a match made in hell. They're almost perfect for each other. Yeah. Maybe they should end up together.

Um, but I'm really happy with the positive effect it's had on her sister and the ways in which the light came back and she's with a really like great guy now and everything's on the up and up.

And you could argue, yeah, she could have found that on her own in time. It probably would have taken a lot longer. And then the one thing I'm be very curious about is if we could all be out in the open and totally honest and we had the sister sitting right here and we could say, okay, now that we're past this, you're with someone new and, you know, we're a couple, we're a year out at least. Yes.

I would love to ask the sister, what do you think of this and of her doing this? Are you grateful in hindsight? Did it save you a lot of time and hardship? You know, these are the things. You wonder. It feels like one of those debates we used to have in philosophy class in college. Yeah. Like if you're on a train and you can't stop it and you got to swear or you're in a car and you have to swear and you either have to hit a kid or a grandma,

Who do you hit? You have no option to miss both. No, this, this, this, these are the types of philosophical debates. God, how fast am I going? Well, listen, this feels like kind of one of those debates where grandma, if it's hot, if it's low speed, I might go for the kid because grandma's not going to make it out of a broken hip. Kids got a lot of life to live though. So you get on either side.

Right. So it's one of those things where there's not a clear answer. No, there's not. And I think this is one you take to the grave. I don't think you ever have this conversation. I'm curious. I know where you're going. Maybe at some point in life. I'm curious on your death bed.

Just when you're I listen, you do. I do. I do agree that I do think this probably saved her a lot of trauma, a lot of heartbreak, maybe even a lifelong STD STI. Who knows? Who knows? We don't know. I mean, this this guy is he's something else.

I still think you get 20, 30 years down the line. You say, Hey, listen, you could if she's happily married with this new guy and she never would have met him unless you did this whole life. I know the butterfly effect. It's one of those things that if she has a good sense of humor, it could be really funny. I guess you got to read the audience in the right context, but I just, I know this is not a traditional happy ending one. It is very much so a little bit of

You're the asshole, justified asshole if it was that, but it was not. It was just our writer sharing a story. Still happy ending nonetheless. It feels good. It feels good because we know, we know without a doubt that she is in a much better place.

And she 100% was fully caring for her sister. And now looking back has no regret. So I know the top comment on this one is funny. Deep breath. Quote, I'll pay you 250 to hook up with this dude and generate proof. Oh crap. Is she mad? She's going to snitch on me. What if?

200 and you've got a deal plus 200 for my boyfriend to work the camera. Unexpected, but okay. Handshake. Opie response. I wish it happened as cool as this. There are three more posts worth of context and description of how it got to that point of agreement, but it would risk giving away who we are in real life. True. True.

Now I'm curious. Now I want to message OP and be like, wait, just tell me. I won't tell you. They're not going to tell you. There's some stuff that people have told me. And I haven't, I haven't shared, haven't shared anything. I don't know if I would trust a Reddit podcast reaching out to me saying, Hey, what are the deeds? I promise I won't tell anyone. Well, this is a listener probably. You're on the subreddit. I'm over here. Ready, friend. I'm ready.

But we've got a couple more we got to get to really happy feel good. Yeah, serotonin. Yeah. I know we just got over spooky season, but I don't know if we're all really over it yet. No, spooky year round.

So this is coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit a month old titled wholesome spooky story. Hey guys, I love the podcast. And thought this might be a good wholesome spooky story to share for a Halloween episode. Psych. I female 25 used to live with my fiance J male 26 at his mom's house for a short period of time at the start of our relationship.

They used to have a gorgeous golden Labrador called Honey, who passed away at the age of 15, three years before I moved in.

A bit of info about my future mother-in-law. When it gets cold outside, she loves to heat the house and never leaves any windows open. So it's always toasty and warm. One cold autumn night, me and my fiance were sat on the sofa in the living room watching a film. Jay's brothers were upstairs and his mom was at work on a night shift. All of a sudden, I felt this spot of freezing cold air next to me.

I asked Jay if a window was open and so we got up and double checked and then shook his head. I was confused as there wasn't any flowing air like a draft, just cold still air. I got excited and called Jay over. He felt it too and what was strange is that we could make out a silhouette judging by where the cold air stopped and became warm.

The cold air was about honey's height and built as if she was sat on the floor next to me. I then felt the cold air move to my thighs as if honey was resting her head on my lap. I should mention, pull God. I should mention that I was about five months pregnant at the time and I was no stranger to having dogs sit next to me or lie by my feet or if they were small enough, sit on my lap.

I looked at Jay and he smiled at me with some tears in his eyes. He then told me, that's what honey used to do, and he thinks she might be saying hello to me and my bump. As silly as this might sound, I started to pet where it felt like her head was and talked to her and Jay did the same.

Eventually, we felt the cold go back to room temperature and we had a really nice bonding moment. In the morning, when Jay's mom came back and I was getting ready for work, I mentioned it and she smiled at me. She says she still feels honey around the house sometimes and she's glad I got to meet the old gal. I'll include a picture of honey if I can. So she had never met honey.

She never met little honey. Yeah. Classic lab. Classic. Just a little cute yellow. Look at those tired little eyes. I want that experience. Yes. So cute. Dogs are obsessed with pregnant people. So are horses ugly. Well, horses love bumps and little babies. It's time. It's time because I'm ready. I want to see my little guy and my big guy.

You're top. I'm confused. I'm saying it's time for you to get pregnant so we can get visited by our late dogs. After next September. Yeah, but I want to have exactly what you just read. That's the experience I want to have. I want to bear right here, the big, big bear. And then I want to have Holly over here and little little jacks right here. And then Holly can be hanging out somewhere.

Holly'd probably be under the footstool because that was her favorite. She liked her cave. She'd be biting people's ankles. Just having all the cold air raider on me? That'd be epic. I just like, you can't even imagine that too. Like where you just like, you feel this pocket, but then you can like move and it's like, no, no, no, it's not cold here. So her back is here. Like I can envision it so clearly. And I have no doubt that you had a little visitation. There's a story we had.

I don't know. It might have been on the spooky stories two years ago, but someone did have a picture of their dog, like visiting them, and the dog had passed.

I actually have a picture. Yeah. I'm working on another episode. It's like a glitch in the matrix episode. So if you have a glitch in the matrix story, please go share on two hot takes because I'm teeing them up. I'm getting them ready, but I have a dog one on that. So I'm not going to give too many spoilers. But maybe you could save that one for me. No, you want to be on the glitch?

It's my kind of episode. Yeah. Another one of this week's partners is Sundays. There's few things in life that are better and more lovable than our pets. We want to pamper them, take care of them, make sure they have the right food and nutrition. Well, Sundays for dogs is making that a whole lot easier. My dog Holly, RIP, always struggled to find a food she loved.

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So this is coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for not wanting my fiance to dance to a love song dedicated to her late fiance at our wedding. Before we met, my fiance Kayla was engaged to a man she had dated for three years who died in a traffic accident.

I had never dated a woman who had that kind of loss before. So I've been learning as I go, but I've tried to respect that he will always be a part of her story. And I've accepted her relationship with her late fiance's parents with open arms. They've stayed very close. And by the time we started dating, they were basically like a second set of parents to her.

Kayla's real parents and her late fiance's parents are all amazing people, so I consider myself pretty lucky to have two sets of great in-laws. That's cool. Our wedding is coming up in May, and Kayla told me that after her father-daughter dance, she would like to have a second dance with her late fiance's father to the song Vanilla Twilight. She asked me if I was comfortable with that.

And I didn't want to be that guy and say no. So I said yes. But really, it makes me uncomfortable that she would be dancing to a love song dedicated to another man at our wedding. I'm happy to make space in our lives for his memory. A photo of him is on our mantle at home.

We make it a point to commemorate his birthday, the anniversary of his death. And I feel like I'm understanding and supportive when she has bad days. And I'm 100% fine with having his parents at the wedding because, like I said, we're all family. But I also feel like our wedding day is one day that is all about our relationship.

Am I the asshole? If I ask her to reconsider this dance, what are the best compromises here? Well, I don't view this as a, am I the asshole situation? It's your wedding day is your preference. It's you and hers decision to fully make every decision on that day. You have full control. This is your day completely.

Whatever you guys want, no matter what anyone else thinks about it, is what you guys want. So there's not necessarily any right or wrong. It's more, how do you view this day? You view it as it's 100% me and you in the celebration of our relationship. Perfect.

She's going to view it obviously as that with, I'd love to commemorate in this one way. Yeah. So how do you navigate something like that then where, yes, it's about these two people. Someone wants something. The other person doesn't feel good about it.

I mean, we've had a few stories about people dating others that are getting married to others who have had prior partners and sometimes have had issues and jealousy problems over these late partners.

Yeah, they're competing with ghosts. And the way I would view this is if I put myself in his shoes, yeah, it's your wedding day. The whole thing's about you. The day is also equally hers as much as it's yours. And if she wants one dance to commemorate

The guy that made her life so special for a certain amount of time, who she was going to marry, which ultimately led to you meeting her and being able to have her in your life and making your life this much better with her in it, then let her have the one goddamn dance. Yeah. Because what really is that taking away from you? Is she going to fly off and go be with this guy? No.

She's committed to you. She's been through something super traumatic. She's lost the person that was going to be in your shoes, but now you're lucky enough. Well, lucky is a hard term, but you're lucky enough to have her now. Yes, it's because she lost her partner, but

It's life. It's tragic. It is, and you got to respect this part of her past and how much it means to her, and I know you've done well at doing so. You can memorate the birthdays, the anniversary of the death, you have the picture. So what's one more thing? I think I- If it's going to make her that much happier and feel good about that day, then let her have it. I agree. I think it's a beautiful way.

to just kind of give his family, you know, a moment because this, you know, despite how much she loves you and is excited to marry you.

There are going to be some hard feelings with that. They were engaged. They were planning a wedding. This is a wedding, a wedding. She's not having a hymn. You know, no matter how much you love someone new, there is still that loss. And so to include his family, I think it's beautiful. I really do. And I think

I think this is, you know, he's justified for his feelings as well. His feelings are so valid too, because it could feel like this is the straw. I give so much. I'm so accommodating. I just want one day that's like about us. This is our wedding day. I don't want it to be our wedding plus a memorial service. So I get his feelings. You really just got to communicate through it. And, you know, maybe there's a compromise to be had in some way with it, but

This sounds like a really incredible guy who's so supportive. He's not in competition with a ghost like we see on some of these crazy ones.

And if that had been the language in the whole first paragraph, I feel like I'm constantly competing with someone who's not here. I'm tired of having his picture on the mantle. And it's just been constantly, and I've tried to respect it, but constantly it's been in our face, then I could see that. But it seems from how you've written this that she is very good at respecting the past and giving it its moment in recognition.

while also still seemingly fully in with you. So if we're not doing this whole competing thing, then I don't see a problem with the dance. Yes, he should be able to share his feelings, but this is a delicate one. This is one to be careful with and tread lightly.

Talk kindly, just a lot of, I feel, I feel, you know, it's not, it's about you and your feelings and don't, you know, put the blame elsewhere. I just recorded a show, another show we work with called Everybody's Crazy. It's a podcast with Savannah James and April McDaniel. And they had two therapists on an episode and I,

I find it hard sometimes to not get defensive. And they were explaining in this episode that it is literally human nature. It is a part of our psyche at human core to get defensive when you feel that you need to defend that you're not a bad person. And I think if you can come at her in a very calm, compassionate, communicative way that just I feel.

I feel. I know it wasn't your intention, but this is how I'm feeling. I statements are big. I think it'll, I think it'll go okay. Yeah. She sounds, she sounds great. You sound great. Don't blow it up. No. And at the end of the day, we, your wedding day is very special. It's also one day. Yeah. It's one day. It's one dance for 60 seconds. It's one dance.

No one's going to notice. No one's going to talk about it. Go have and celebrate your successful marriage and the rest of your life. And don't let this have any effect on that. It's let her have the moment. Yeah. And let her family have the moment. Yeah. Okay. For the update. Oh, wow. I didn't know that was coming.

Two months ago, I married the love of my life. I was thinking about this thread the other day, how it went, and where my head was at when I made it, and I thought you guys might like an update. A little anticlimacticly, the thing I was stressing about was a bit of a miscommunication, which probably happens a lot here.

Kayla wanted to dance with her late fiancees. I'll go ahead and just call him Luke from now on. Father at our wedding. And Vanilla Twilight was an example of a song along the lines of what she wanted. Not the set in stone top choice like I thought.

I and a lot of the commenters in the original thread spent a lot of time over analyzing the lyrics to that song. Looking for a hidden meaning in every word, while it turns out she hadn't put much more thought into the suggestion than this is kind of a sad song that I like.

We got together that night and she had made several playlists of possible first dance songs for us, songs for when she walks down the aisle, music to play at the reception and song choices for her dance with Luke's father. We spent hours listening to them all and talking about the wedding. We even made a tournament style bracket for our first dance song in her journal and put songs head to head against each other.

Until the victor emerged. Nice. I think we're gonna have to do that. I'm down. Let's go.

At the end, we talked about the wedding and our relationship, Luke and their relationship and grief, what it was like when she lost him and what it was like for me. I lost my mom at a young age, what a family is and all the things we're hopeful for for the future. We stayed up until three in the morning, just talking and planning and laughing and crying a little. I'm so glad for all of it.

After getting bombarded by dozens of different opinions from dozens of different people earlier that day, I had been worried that I was going to have a conflict with my fiance shortly before our wedding. But there was no conflict, just a pure memory.

After that night, I started putting in more effort to be involved with the wedding planning process and actually asked for the things I wanted, which Kayla actually really appreciated. We also took a long weekend, a couple of weeks before the wedding, to go on a camping trip together, just the two of us, which I highly recommend to anyone who is getting married.

Overall, there was a complete flip in my feelings leading up to the wedding from being somewhat insecure and excited, but nervous to being completely at ease excited and feeling stronger about my relationship than ever.

The wedding day itself was really wonderful and worth the wait. Kayla and Luke's father had their dance to lean on me. And I also had a dance with Kayla's mom and it was very emotional in a good way. I've really felt that the day was a celebration of our love. And I was genuinely happy that Luke's parents were there to celebrate along with us because they are very much members of our family. And I wish I had the space to describe all the ways they've been there for us through the years.

My amazing wife who is who she is because of all the experiences that she has had in her life.

And I don't want to be the kind of man who asks her to pretend that she has never loved before me or pretend that her grief is something that is or should be done with forever. Now that she has me, I just want to say how glad I am that we shared that night together and that the wedding was nothing but love and celebration and never thought I could be so happy. That's so good.

Top comment on the best of Redditor update post this made me cry Same Yeah, I mean that's that's really how it should be yeah Yeah

I can see how you could have that little lapse of judgment for lack of a better term at some point in the wedding planning process. But I think as much as you hear about all the craziness of wedding planning, you never hear anyone say when it comes down to that day that it wasn't all worth it. You hear a lot of people complain about the process.

They can't agree on X. They can't do this. Most people just say a lope. And then at some point, I think you get to that day and it all, it all falls away. But I'm glad that that, that the internal shifting of feelings and in your heart happened for you because that's, that's when it's the most powerful and that's when it's the most real. So for you to come to a place where

I get it. This definitely, like I was looking at it wrong. That's really powerful. That's really awesome.

I love it. I absolutely love it. Oh, I have so, so many of these stories. Oh, they're so good. I think I'm going to have to do another full wholesome episode for our patron for December. November's content is already done recorded and likely up by the time you're listening to this. But I think December has some room for some more wholesome stories. But for now,

for now. Our very last story. The dessert. For this episode. I want to give you a choice. Oh.

I don't have the audience out there to decide for me. I know. Oh, God. It's brutal. It's actually so nice. Feel the heart rate rising. I know. So option number one, coming from Best of Redditor updates, an unexpected turn leads to a happy ending. My heart is breaking. My mom just told me her and my dad won't come to the wedding. Option number two.

also from Best of Redditor updates. I just want to post wholesome things that remind us that humanity is not terrible. This time from r slash New Zealand, quote, how do I get on a bus? And option number three, you're kidding.

I 28 male accidentally started dating my workplace nemesis, 27 female. And I don't know how to tell her. So here's the situation. No panic. The other two will go to patron. No panic. Okay. Well, I personally at some point in time would love to hear number two. I know that people don't want number two right now. The bus one. It is. It's between one and three. It's quite beautiful.

Speak to me. Speak to me, future audience viewers. Time travel and tell me. Should we fill up a coin? I guess then no one can blame me. Fill up the coin. I got the coin out. You got the coin out. You got to show the people so you're not lying though. My gut, my gut, just reading from you in the future, teleporting back to me is number one, but the wedding.

But we have some people like the workplace. So here we go. Okay. Heads is number one. Yeah. Tails. The coin has spoken. Flip it again. Okay. Let's go with one. That's my gut too. Okay. Let's do it. Flip it again. You don't flip it again. The coin is already spoken. I don't trust the coin.

My heart is breaking. My mom just told me her and my dad won't come to the wedding posted in our slash wedding planning. I'm devastated and looking for advice. I am a Muslim American bride, marrying my future husband who was raised Catholic.

Many Muslim families in the West hold their traditions close and are culturally conservative, expecting their kids to marry other Muslims. How Catholics were supposed to only marry Catholics in the US 70 years ago, or risk being ostracized by their community.

Future husband and I have been engaged for almost a year, which my parents have known. Pre-COVID, future husband would visit my parents with me about once a month, and things were pleasant on these visits. However, my parents refrain, and especially my moms, was that he's nice and all, but he needs to convert.

It's taken us a long time just for future husband to comfortably visit, so I thought it was another wall we could pull down. Well, I was wrong. I told my parents yesterday about our wedding plans. We were originally going to get married in a small museum in the winter this year with over 100 people.

I didn't ask my parents to chip in, obviously due to COVID that can't happen right now. We since decided to get married in October in my future mother-in-law's backyard. It would be only family, 10 people total. I told my parents about the new date and my dad stayed quiet while my mom again told me future husband had to convert.

He made it clear, I like future husband the way he is. It was a messy conversation. But I eventually asked directly if they would come. And my mom said, no, she didn't see how they could. That just because it's a civil marriage, it's not actually a valid marriage in the eyes of God. And that if we have kids, they would be illegitimate. I asked if she seriously wouldn't want to meet her grandkids. And my mom said, that's not the point.

I started crying and said, quote, I can't believe you would hold your convictions in higher regard than your own daughter. And my mom said that's not what she was doing at all. It's just that Christians marry Christians and Muslims marry Muslims. I told her that if they didn't really come, it would cause irreparable damage.

I'm currently on vacation from work and staying at my parents' house since I haven't seen them in four months. They live near me, but my dad is high risk, so I haven't visited except to sometimes drop off groceries on the porch. I'm taking today to be sad.

But what now? I will marry future husband no matter what. I've already talked about this exchange with future husband and future mother-in-law. They're obviously so upset. I just don't see how we can move past this with my parents if they don't really come. I don't want to be estranged from them.

But that's what they're ensuring. My older sister thinks my mom is bluffing, but understands why I am so hurt and has always supported me. Basically, what do I do? How do I make it clear that this is not okay? And it's not just another thing we can sweep under the rug. Oh, God, I can't imagine being in that. I can't imagine. You're being tugged at every end of you and who you are and who you love.

but I think you need to look in the mirror and decide who you are. Are you someone who's gonna be chained to your parents' will and bend at that will when they put the pressure on, even if it means walking away from the love of your life or forcing him to, A, be someone maybe who he's not, or B, do something he doesn't wanna do, but what I've heard is,

You're in love with this guy. You're going to marry him no matter what. Yeah. And so what that tells me is, okay, parents are coming here to really play the game hard and say the ultimate manipulation of, well, yep, if you do this, then nice knowing you basically.

Yeah, which I mean, that happens to so many people. It does. And it's- Replace religion with sexuality. And it sucks because- It's terrible.

It just feels like we should be so far past this because in the world that I live in, I see races and cultures and everything mixing and combining and it's just, it's opening up such a cool new modern world. And it's such a privilege to live in that.

And there are, yes, of course. And then there's so many parts of that that are just stuck and can't get to that point. And we're seeing that in between generations, like in this story, where you have a very progressive new generation that the daughter's a part of and the other one that isn't that the parents are a part of. But this life is yours.

and you make the decisions you want to make because you want to make them. Not because someone's holding a gun to your head saying, oh, well, if you do this, then I, you know, whatever with the grandkids and him and like, we'll never be accepted children at the legitimate like, no. So the ultimate answer is, and I know, I just, I know the weight that's on her. Absolutely. But the answer is,

Do what you set out to do, marry the sky, live your life, whatever happens with your parents, understand that that was their decision. It's not on you. Not at all. No. Are we ready for the update? Wait.

Y'all, do I have an update for you? A couple of months ago, I posted about my parents telling me they wouldn't come to my wedding because future husband wouldn't convert to their religion. Thank you for those who replied. I found the encouragement and support so lovely and necessary. Well, one week after that awful conversation, future husband got into a chainsaw accident.

Say what? He cut his thigh above his knee. Miraculously, he didn't hit a tendon or artery or bone. So he just needed a lot of stitches. He couldn't walk well for two weeks, but after that, he didn't even need physical therapy. Thank God future husband's neighbors heard him yelling when he got injured. They were able to administer a tourniquet while waiting for the paramedics.

If you've never taken a CPR first aid class, please do. The one by the American Heart Association is amazing. Take it. Everyone should know how to do basic first aid. I'll sign up. I'll retake it with you. It's good to be current. You need to read that. Uh, uh, um, stay in love, stay in love, right? Yeah.

Because it's COVID times, which that's a fucking blast from the past, right? Only one person could go to the ER with future husband and his mom went with him. Future husband's mom lives an hour away and that's where future husband was chainsawing. When I told my parents what was going on, they were horrified. I said I needed to get down there and my parents said, of course, well, we're driving you.

So, after future husband got out of the hospital, several hours later, we got him and his mom dinner and drove down to check on them. And my parents and his mom really got along. When my mom first heard about the news about future husband, she cried.

This all led to a series of conversations between my parents, future husband, future mother-in-law, and myself, and my parents finally, finally listened. In the end, a compromise was made. My future husband decided he would culturally say the Shahada,

It's a sentence you say to become a Muslim, but with the intention of it only being cultural. My parents understand that it's just for them and that he doesn't consider himself Muslim. It's really so that when we visit family in Egypt, it's not scandalous, which again, future husband is okay with.

What makes it a compromise is this. My parents are finally acknowledging that future husband is who he is. And it is not really a Muslim. That it's to honor them and their traditions. So the moral of the story is people's minds change when a terrifying possibly life-threatening accident happens. That's true. That is true.

In any event, I'm so glad that the past three months are over and I'm so incredibly happy and excited to be marrying my best friend this Saturday. My parents will be coming and they'll even be bringing the food.

So really, the sister was right because it is kind of a bluff. It's unfortunate that he almost had to cut his leg off for it to become apparent. But, you know, I wonder again, like the earlier story, I want to ask him.

Was it worth it? Was it worth it to go through that pain and that situation to now have the rest of your life be so much more stress free? He'd probably say yes. I think the moral of the story here and something we could all pull from it is like sometimes we

There's a lot on her side. Stick to your guns. Love who you love. If you feel family is not respecting you or if you feel family isn't adhering to your moral code, you don't have to engage those people. You can be done. Live your life. Love who you're going to love. Do you be happy, be safe, be healthy on the flip side for the parents? Don't get in your own fucking way. Don't

be so staunch and steadfast in stuff that could hurt you and your loved ones. And don't take things for granted. Don't take things for granted. Or people, really. Life is so, so short.

I don't know if I'm getting reincarnated into the next one. Like, I don't know where I'm going to go. It could be like soul. I could elevate her up this go around, but I'm going to live this one the best I can. And I get that's a, that's a privilege, but we all, we all deserve the pursuit of happiness, life and liberty.

I didn't know we were going pledge of allegiance, but all right. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We all, we all deserve that. We just got to find our own ways to get there. You know, be like water. I just saw a video the other day and it was like water dripping over time. And I was like water dripping after a year. Okay. It's, you know, it's not doing much to that rock, but after a couple of years, that water was cutting a canyon in that little boulder.

But be better than water because water can't decide where it goes. Fly off into space. Go chase the stars. Be who you want to be. Well, I don't know about space. It was all metaphor. We were speaking in metaphors.

I really like that one. Also, back to that one story we had real quick about the wedding and the song to honor the fiance with the dad. I just saw a tweet on Twitter, and I wanted to mention it back then, but it was fine at the end.

And it was a guy tweeting. He was like, I lost my little brother in a car accident, like a head on collision or just something. Just fucking, I don't know, tragic again. And it was him saying, I got a message from his girlfriend who is now expecting a baby with her new husband and they're naming the baby middle name after the brother. That's cool. Yeah. That's cool. Just beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful life is so beautiful.

It is so worth living for so many reasons. So hold your loved ones close, call your grandma, call someone in your life that you haven't chatted with for a while, check in with your friends, especially your strong friends who might be faking, holding it together. But keep your circle, keep your circle close. Look out for your community. And if you don't have a community, start building one and tell people you love them because you never know when it's going to be the last time.

Never. Okay. I love you guys. Thank you so much for being here another week and until next time. Until next time. Bye guys.