#172 Dr. Julie Gurner (Part 2): Caring Deeply, Challenging Directly

• Setting High Standards for Success and Fulfillment: Setting and maintaining high standards not only promotes personal growth and success, but also inspires and elevates others, creating a positive team dynamic and pushing businesses forward.

  Setting high standards for oneself is crucial for success and personal fulfillment. Successful individuals often have higher standards for how they spend their time, the quality of their work, their relationships, and every aspect of their lives. However, it is important to recognize that not everyone will meet those same standards. In a professional setting, frustration can arise when colleagues or employees do not hold the same level of engagement and obsession. It is essential to maintain high standards and not lower them, as it allows for personal growth, pushes the business forward, and sets a positive example for others. Holding a high bar can also inspire and elevate those around you, creating a winning team dynamic. Ultimately, caring deeply about what we do naturally leads us to hold ourselves to higher standards in all aspects of life.

• The Impact of Investment and Attachment on Treatment and Opportunities: Fully investing in and committing to one's work leads to better treatment and increased opportunities, but it is important to detach oneself and seek feedback to maintain objectivity.

  A person's level of investment and attachment to their work affects how they are treated and the opportunities they receive. If someone treats their job as just a job, they will likely be treated in a transactional manner. However, if they are fully invested and committed, they will be seen differently and have access to different opportunities. It is important to recognize that deeply caring about something can also lead to becoming personally attached and taking things personally, which can cloud decision-making and hinder objectivity. To overcome this, it is crucial to detach oneself from the business or work and see it as something separate from their identity. Seeking feedback from others, especially through methods like 360-degree assessments, can help identify blind spots and gain a better understanding of reality.

• The Importance of Feedback and Radical Candor in Personal and Professional Growth: Actively seeking feedback, considering blind spots, and practicing radical candor are essential for personal and professional growth. Trust and strong relationships allow for honest conversations that lead to improvement and success.

  Receiving and giving feedback is crucial for personal and professional growth. Dr. Julie Gurner emphasizes the importance of actively seeking feedback and considering blind spots to improve one's performance. She highlights the need for leaders to have an open mindset, ask questions, and receive feedback from others. Furthermore, she discusses the concept of radical candor, which involves caring deeply about the person and challenging them directly to help them improve. The analogy of trying on jeans illustrates the value of honest feedback from someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed. While hard feedback can be uncomfortable, it is necessary for personal development. Having a strong relationship built on trust allows for difficult conversations and enables both parties to navigate challenges and keep moving forward.

• Effective Feedback: A Path to Success: Feedback, delivered with a genuine commitment to success, can empower individuals and foster a growth mindset, turning challenges into opportunities for personal development.

  Feedback is more effective when it comes from someone who is fully invested and committed to the success of the individual or organization. Dr. Julie Gurner emphasizes that she is hired to provide feedback that others are not giving, and her intention is to help her clients operate at their best. She approaches difficult conversations with careful consideration, using intentional language and framing feedback as opportunities for growth and improvement. By positioning feedback as a way to skip levels and become better, she encourages her clients to see challenges as a path to success. This approach not only empowers individuals but also fosters a sense of engagement and willingness to embrace difficult feedback for personal development.

• Shifting from confrontation to collaboration for effective communication in difficult conversations.: By adopting a collaborative mindset and consciously choosing our words, we can create a more productive and positive impact on others during challenging conversations.

  Effective communication in hard conversations involves shifting from a me versus you mindset to a collaborative approach against the problem. Instead of positioning oneself as the authority and blaming others, it is important to pull the person to your side and form a partnership to solve the issue together. This approach reduces defensiveness, creates openness, and makes the communicator more approachable. Additionally, the conversation emphasizes the importance of being intentional about the words we use and the mindset we bring to any situation. By consciously choosing to reset negative emotions and focus on the desired outcome, we can have a more productive and positive impact on others.

• Embracing Leadership and Cultivating Positive Relationships: Effective leaders prioritize their role, surround themselves with supportive individuals, and recognize the signs of toxic relationships to maintain their well-being and success.

  It's important for leaders to fully embrace their role in order to be effective in an organization. This may mean leaving certain aspects of their life behind and focusing on bringing their best work self to the forefront. It's also crucial to curate the circle of people one spends time with, as toxic relationships can have detrimental effects. Recognizing the red flags of a toxic relationship includes identifying individuals who consistently disregard boundaries and show a lack of support. The most significant indicator is one's own energy and how they feel after interacting with someone. If consistent negative feelings arise, it may be time to reassess the relationship and consider distancing oneself from it.

• Addressing Problems Early for Better Outcomes: Addressing problems and having difficult conversations upfront can prevent future difficulties and negative consequences, both in personal relationships and professional settings. Recognizing and challenging our own patterns of thinking and behavior is crucial for personal growth.

  Addressing problems early and having difficult conversations upfront can save you from more difficult and detrimental situations in the future. Just like the advice in forensics, where fighting upfront is the best chance for survival, it applies to various aspects of life and relationships. By not avoiding or delaying conflicts, whether it's in business or personal relationships, you can prevent further negative consequences that occur when issues are left unresolved. Waiting too long to address problems leads to a larger price to pay. Recognizing and challenging our own patterns of thinking and behavior is also crucial in overcoming limitations and achieving personal growth. It's important to actively assess our thoughts and beliefs to avoid getting stuck in unproductive mindsets.

• Expanding Our Thinking for Personal and Professional Growth: Breaking free from cognitive ruts and seeking diverse perspectives is essential for unlocking our creative potential and achieving personal and professional success.

  We often get stuck in cognitive ruts and become trapped in a tunnel of thinking, preventing us from seeing other perspectives or possibilities. Whether it's in our personal lives or professions, it's important to break free from these ruts and expand our thinking. Exceptional individuals are not limited to their own fields; they draw inspiration from various sources and disciplines, finding new and innovative ways to approach challenges. Stepping outside of our comfort zones and seeking diverse perspectives is crucial for personal growth and professional success. By exposing ourselves to different ideas and challenging our beliefs, we can break free from our limitations and tap into our creative potential. So, let's actively seek out new experiences, explore nontraditional ways of doing things, and embrace the opportunity to think differently.

• Embracing New Perspectives for Personal and Professional Growth: Success lies in continuously challenging ourselves, gaining new perspectives, and expanding our horizons. It's about having the freedom to make choices and help others on a larger scale.

  Gaining a different perspective and challenging oneself is crucial for personal and professional growth. Dr. Julie Gurner highlights how working with clients who operate at a high level has opened her mind to new possibilities and has inspired her to expand and challenge herself. Shane Parrish emphasizes the importance of perspective in overcoming cognitive ruts and blind spots. By changing our lens and gaining different perspectives, we can see things we couldn't see before and understand the systems we are a part of. Success, according to Dr. Gurner, means having enough to never worry about monetary needs and having optionality in various areas of life. It is about having the freedom to make choices and help others on a larger scale. This conversation underscores the significance of continuous growth, new perspectives, and expanding our horizons for personal and professional success.

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