16. The Physical Appearance Cheat Code

As much as people want to argue, your physical appearance doesn't matter. It does. It's a tool. You are silently communicating with your physical appearance at all times. You get to determine and decide what do you want to communicate. People love to fight the whole pretty privileged thing. It exists. Unfortunately, it does. So, what's complaining about it going to do?

Nothing. Play the game, baby. Your physical appearance is a tool. You just gotta learn how to use it and stop attacking yourself, making yourself insecure. This is a very powerful thing you got. Hi, friends. A lot of you guys have been writing into me recently asking about how to stop being so insecure about your body and your physical appearance and how to stop fixating on it so hard. Another thing is if you struggle with motivation for taking care of yourself or putting effort into your body, this will help a ton.

It doesn't matter how much we hate the dynamic of life of how your appearance does dictate how people treat you and you do get treated better when you look a certain way. That's just the way it is. You got to accept the reality of it. Enough with the fighting about it. Enough with, oh, pretty privilege shouldn't exist. Some people have an upper hand. Some people can afford to get plastic surgery. We can sit here and fight about it all day. What's that do? Nothing.

First step is to stop denying the reality of it, and every single person is participating in this game. You can't not play it. Every single person at every moment of the day is silently communicating with their physical appearance, and you get to choose what you're communicating. And you can kind of control the way you're being perceived, and you can also control what you want people to know about you. And you can also command a room. It's a weapon. When you finally look at your physical appearance and you learn how to weaponize it, you can use it

to guarantee and kind of increase the chances of a certain experience you're gonna have or a certain way you'll be treated. So first step is leaning into it. Okay, it's a tool. So let's weaponize it. Let's use it to our advantage. And the whole piece about people judging you, every single human being judges everybody and everything. It's how our brains are made up. We observe and make opinions about every single thing without trying.

every single human being. A lot of people look at people who put effort into their appearance and assume, oh, they're shallow, oh, they're rude, they're mean, they only are caring about the way that they look. That's a judgment that you're assuming because someone has put in a certain amount of effort into whether they look or they're trying to use that tool.

That's a judgment. Most people don't even realize that they're making and they're at the same time scared of other people judging them. When you focus on what your goal is, with what you're trying to communicate with your appearance, your brain kind of fucks off and you're not so nitpicking yourself and freaking out. It's like, okay, I'm dressing this way or I'm presenting myself this way for this goal.

You don't really care what people are thinking because you know why you're doing what you're doing. Even if you look crazy, even if you look nuts, you're going to feel a lot more confident, but also understanding everybody makes judgments all the time. That also further goes into to take the passive approach. You're not in control of what you're communicating. That's lazy. So a big thing with respect.

and getting people to take you serious. There are certain character traits that will be silently expressed when you just walk into a room or you meet somebody. One thing with me is like shoulders are out. I work out. It's clear that I go to the gym often and I strength train. That also lets people know I have discipline around food and I eat a certain way. So when you show up

with an external reflection of taking yourself seriously internally, you got to put the effort on both. So like you take yourself serious internally, you got to match it on the outside too. But when you meet people, it automatically sets the grounds for a way that they're going to perceive you and treat you. It's kind of a way to signal like the type character you got.

I'm not gonna take no bullshit and you can tell by looking at me and I'm hardworking, I'm dedicated, I can take on pain, I can take on discomfort for goals. There's a strong character that is represented and communicated without me saying a fucking word where people will subconsciously

nowhere to categorize me with how they will treat me because it's obvious to take myself serious and it's obvious that I'm very self-controlled. So learn to capitalize on people's brains making assumptions and judgments to put it in your best interest because

There immediately before even speaking a word to you or being introduced to you, gonna have you categorized in a certain place that they're going to hold you with a level of respect or importance. But one thing I want to point out with the whole misconception of people being superficial.

I think for people to be very superficial, it takes you being very deep. And that's something that Gianni Versace said a long time ago, I read it in a book, but he said something along the lines of in order to be superficial and to appreciate the beauty of things and be fixated on that, a person has to be very, very profound. And I agree with that. And my own kind of take on it comes from understanding the tool of it and how you can influence

every single person's perception, the way that you go about life and the way that you can control and navigate a room. So I don't think people who put effort into their physical appearance are shallow. And I think anybody who judges people with that lens, your dead ass wrong 99 times out of 100. Some people are the exception to the rule, but.

It takes a level of respect for the perspective and the knowledge about what your physical appearance can do. And this is the part that will kind of help you with motivation. People who do not value and understand the power of your physical appearance are not going to put the effort into it because it's like, Oh, it's just not worth anything. People who are convinced your physical appearance don't matter and people that want to fight that. It's a missed opportunity and they're not going to feel encouraged or inclined to put effort into their appearance because they're like, Oh, it's useless.

The people who have no issue putting in that effort every single day, paying the prices in private that you have to pay and putting in that discipline on things that no one will ever see. The private cost you got to pay for a certain way you want to look, that requires an understanding of how important this is. So if you were over here like, I don't know how to get myself to do my skincare routine. I don't know how to get encouraged to go to the gym. I don't know how to have motivation for this and that.

Understanding the power of the tool is going to make you want to do it and know that the actions that you're taking are very meaningful and you're going to experience more and more benefits as you put more effort into it. But one thing I'm going to say is it's my personal belief that there is no such thing as ugly people.

There are just people who don't take care of themselves because that effort that you have to put in is seen. It's noticed. So the people who don't put effort into the holiday, look, they just roll out the bed and go running out the house. It's obvious you didn't put no effort in. It's obvious that you don't care.

and you don't understand the power of that perception that you're creating. Even if someone is kind of butt-ass ugly, but they put effort into making sure their skin looks good, do their makeup for the girls, do your hair, put on an outfit that matches and is cohesive and is nice, it's not wrinkled, it's iron, put on some jewelry. Even if they're not the most attractive physically,

that effort that is silently communicated will make you see them in a more admirable way. And it also shows that they invest in themselves and they take themselves seriously and they put effort into themselves because they see value in themselves. Even if it's just in the tool, they see value in themselves and what they can do. So it's a level of respect and respect is the most attractive fucking thing. So even if someone is not traditionally pretty,

All the things about them that they're doing that you can see, like the effort that they're putting in is what makes them more attractive. There are people who can get away with it, who don't really have to try with their appearance. They can just kind of like, throw some shit on and look good and go. That takes effort to get to that point. But anybody

can be pretty and be perceived as beautiful when you can visually see that personal investment that they made in themselves. Doing things for yourself in private is very sacred. Like to have discipline is a sacred investment of time and energy because you're stripped of everyone's approval when you're by yourself.

You're not doing anything for any external validation. You're not doing anything for anybody else. You're doing it for you. The effort that you put into yourself when you're by yourself is a sacred investment. And when I say there is no such thing as ugly people, when you see that sacred investment in somebody and it's expressed and you can see it, like the effort is there because they've done what they've done with the way that they look, it's beautiful. Like it glows a little bit.

You're like, what the fuck? So even if someone is not, like I said, conventionally pretty, that sacred glow they're gonna have to them and that respect that you have subconsciously without realizing it is gonna make you perceive them as more beautiful and you're gonna take them more serious. You're gonna respect them. So even though they're not a 10 out of 10, they don't like fucking Bella Hadid, you're still gonna respect them. You're not gonna be able to just write them off because they're ugly. They're not showing up like they're ugly because they're not.

Any other thing for anybody worried about, oh, there's no such thing as ugly people. Nobody hot in this world started off looking how they look now. Literally, look at all the hottest people on the internet, all the celebrities, everybody you've seen. Nobody started off looking how they looked. I didn't look like this always. Five years ago, I was fucked. I did not look good at all. So if you're like, oh.

I'm just cursed. I'm just doomed. I'm ugly. You're not. I promise. Once you get that soul shining through you with the effort that you put in, like I said, the sacred investments that you make into yourself when you're by yourself, it's going to change everything about the way that you look and how you're doing internally will always reflect externally. And when someone has an absence of discipline and those sacred investment of themselves, they don't have no glow. They don't have no nothing. It is very easy to be overlooked in this life, but

Do not allow people to overlook respecting you. Because no matter how much you don't like somebody or don't agree with them or you just want to fucking punch them in the face, if they put effort into their appearance.

You respect them. It's not deniable. You can't just ignore it. So you can be overlooked, but you can never not be respected when you respect yourself. I do have to acknowledge the world we live in is very instant gratification based. Everybody wants everything very, very fast, quick.

Putting effort into your physical appearance is very fast. It is very instant gratification because when I wake up in the morning and I go downstairs and get my coffee, I don't feel cute. When I take a second and do my skincare routine, wash my face, put in some eyedrops, brush my teeth, feel clean,

like taste clean and not feel like I just rolled out of bed. I instantly feel more confident walking down the stairs, just going to get my coffee. Ain't nobody fucking here, but it's an instant gratification. When you're going to leave the house and you're going to go somewhere, take it a second, putting effort into the way that you're going to look and the way that you want to look is going to make you feel better. It's an instant thing. And the same thing to kind of counter laziness is put on an outfit that makes it

feel uncomfortable to just sit down and relax. So when I wake up in the morning and I put my roll bond, yeah, I'm going to go sit my eyes on a couch. Yeah, I'm going to relax. My body is not signaling to me. We got anywhere to be or anything to do. It's in relaxing mode. But the days that I wake up.

Put on my jeans, put on my boots, put on my jewelry, and I put on my deodorant, put on my body oil, and I'm like, ready to leave the house. Even if I'm not going nowhere, I'm on. Like, I'm up. I'm not in a relaxing mood. My brain kind of changes with the way that my body feels and the way that I'm dressed. Like, it has a subconscious play on your head. So, if you deal with laziness, stop dressing fucking lazy.

It's not fun, but it's a kind of a way to kickstart it and get you to do more things and start using your physical appearance from something that you just nitpick and attack yourself over, using it to help and assist you with the things that you're trying to do. Same thing with desired outcomes. The way that you dress can help you maneuver a room so fast. If I walk into a business meeting in a hoodie and some sweatpants,

I don't look like I take myself serious. So even if I come in with a sick idea, the people I'm talking to are gonna be like,

You couldn't even put a little effort into not wearing a fucking hoodie. Like subconsciously, they're gonna judge you a little bit. People are gonna judge you. So if you go into a business meeting and I'm in a tank top and I'm in some jewelry, it's like, oh, what does this douchebag know? Like, he don't seem business smart. I'm gonna go a little bit more classed up. I'm gonna get dressed with the intent in mind of how I want to be perceived and how I want certain conversations to go. I'm also gonna dress in a way where

If I want to call the shot and speak up, you motherfucking listen. It's not, oh, he's just standing there in a hoodie. Like, I'm not gonna feel as confident to be like, yeah, no, we're not fucking doing that. I'm not cool with that. But being in clothing that makes me feel like I'm taking myself serious and makes me feel fit for a professional setting and makes me feel fit where my opinions and perspectives are respected and needs to kind of match the vibe, you know? Unless you have billionaire,

And everybody knows you don't really get to walk into a meeting like, don't give a fuck. That's my head though. People can do it. You can do whatever you want. But it's just another tool. It's an added thing you can use to determine how you want things to go for girls. If you want to walk into a business meeting, if you want to have titties out, short skirt heels, look at sickening, you get to control where attention will go with your physical appearance also. So if you want to own your titties, it'll be there.

If you'd like to keep the conversation on business and not be in a room full of a bunch of men who are going to sexualize you, dress accordingly. And it doesn't mean that you can't wear what you want, but dress for the outcome that you want. Not, oh, I'm just going to dress this way because just because I want him.

What is the goal? What is it that you want to accomplish? Dressed for that. You can still be yourself. You can still wear a suit and have a little bit of titty out. You can still do your thing. But unfortunately, going into a business meeting where you're dressed real skimpy, men are not gonna look at you as an equal off the bat and off the rip. So if you walk in poised and a little bit stoic in a suit and you got a little cleavage, you got a list of them. That's gonna help you keep their attention and their focus on

The task at hand, the business opportunity and hold you with a level of respect in their mind where this isn't just some dumb girl. Cause like if I show up like this, people think that I'm just an idiot. I look a drug dealer when I show up to things like this. You got gold chains, earrings, tank top. Yeah. People are going to have a certain narrative of me and underestimate.

the way

Better outcomes the more you tap into it. And same thing with girls. If you don't want any type of flirting in a business meeting, put on a fucking wedding ring. Put on a fake ring and just wear it in. Because if you show up trying to talk business, men by how they are are just immediately gonna see a pretty girl or just see a woman and be like, ooh, like they're thinking with the other head.

If that's gonna happen, that's just the way that human beings are. And I'm not saying it's okay for them to voice shit and try and sexualize people. I'm not okay with that. Be respectful, be polite. But if you showed up with people you never met before, with a wedding ring on, because you're only there to talk about business and get a contract signed, that is gonna shut down any perception or any thought from everybody in the room of flirting is a potential.

Getting her attention in a romantic way might be a potential. It shuts down everybody's focus from you being with you about your body, whatever it is, and puts it on the task at hand. So I kind of use my physical appearance to navigate and control where people's focus will be. And like I said, I'm very big on people wearing whatever they want. Do whatever you want with your body. But I'm just saying if you want to use this to your benefit, use it.

like you're stuck in it. Everybody has to use their physical appearance and you don't have to be boring and not wear what you want. You can wear what you want and still express yourself but command the attention and direct the focus where you want it to go. It's not that you're taking anything away from yourself because you're not honoring yourself by dressing a certain way. You're honoring what your desire is and what your goal is. You're honoring that with your appearance that day and you're getting your fucking done and you're making sure it goes smoothly.

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Now another aspect of this is there are certain things you don't want to communicate to people. You do not want people to know certain things so do not dress that way. Like a lot of people get into depressive ruts or you're having like a really bad day or you're having a really tough time mentally, you're grieving something, going through a loss, breakup, whatever it is. A lot of people will just throw on some slippers, throw on a hoodie and sweatpants and go to Target or go to the store. If you're walking in the store

Looking disheveled, looking sad, looking down, you're wearing slippers, you're in a hoodie and sweatpants. It's obvious you're going through something. Your mental state and your emotional state is reflected. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people will capitalize on that.

You're expressing and communicating that you're in a weak emotional state. You're not on 10. You're not on guard and you're not ready to protect yourself. You're in slippers. So it puts you in a way like in people's minds who would want to pray on you. You're vulnerable.

And you're communicating that. Sometimes without realizing it. Don't let nobody catch you like that. Especially in a public place. And especially if you're a girl. So that's a big thing to just keep in mind. And you better have a gun in your purse if you're going to be running around in some sleepies. You know, like whenever I'm wearing slides, I don't want to fight. When I got my boots on, I will leave my gun in my bag and I will go hand to hand. But if I got my slides on, I'm not fighting with nobody. I'm shooting.

Another stupid example of this is you could wear some rainbow shit and that will communicate to people you either are gay or you're okay with people who are gay and it's kind of your way of like communicating that without saying anything. Your sexuality or what you're okay with, what you support. People wear a lot of political things and they communicate silently through a hat or some accessory that they're wearing of how they are and what they believe. A lot of Christians will wear crosses on their neck. It's a symbol of your religion and

Things about your beliefs and the way that you operate, allegedly, people be flipping that Bible upside down and backwards with what they cherry pick at what they're going to live by. And another way that you communicate with other people trying to signal certain things, some people wear designer logos and very flashy designer stuff. That is signaling to

People who are not as financially well off that you are above them. That's all it's doing. And at the same time, you're flexing and you're communicating that you have worth because you have money. You are also making yourself a target. People who know a Gucci logo or a Louis Vuitton logo or something like very, very flashy

Everybody can identify that, and people who don't make as much money will see that, see you gloating about it, and feel less bad about robbing you or harming you, and you're signaling it, like you're signaling your financial situation. But another angle of this is by communicating with quiet luxury

You're communicating to people who are on a billionaire or multi-millionaire level when you wear things that are very, very high quality with no logo. You will blend in to normal people. You will not be a target to people.

who can recognize loud luxury. You're not going to be a target. You'll blend in like a normal person, but other people who are on that financial level can look at your shirt. It looks like a normal t-shirt, but the way that it's stitched, that's a $500 t-shirt from Laurel Piana.

People can identify it without saying anything. And it's something that only certain people can identify is certain stitching, certain quality of clothing, certain patterns of the way things are stitched or sewn together. Every single aspect of this is going to be situational, but you have a lot more control than you think. And it doesn't require a certain body type to use your physical appearance as a weapon. There are people who are extremely underweight or people who are overweight. It doesn't matter.

Any effort you put in will be seen and will be recognized. It doesn't matter if you're overweight. If you put effort into the way that you look and you look put together, you look clean, you got your hygiene right, and you walk into a room feeling confident because you took time to put effort into your appearance, you will immediately be met with a certain respect from every single other person without saying a word. Some people

Do not like people who are overweight at all. Like they have a weird like fucked up perception and they see them like in derogatory ways. But if you're someone who is overweight and you show up put together and you put effort into yourself, the people who don't like you.

They're still going to respect you subconsciously. They might be pissed about it, but that's kind of a way to like rewrite the narrative of, yeah, even though I'm overweight and it's something that you don't like, I still got value to contribute. I fucking see it in myself. I treat myself as that. And what?

It's like a silent way of saying that. We're not dead. So even if they don't like you because you're a certain color, certain size, certain whatever, the respect is going to be there. And it's not something that you can fight or negate because the effort that you put in is clear. Things don't just happen by accident. People don't just look a certain way by accident. All the effort is there. And let that bring you comfort with all the moments in solitude and being by yourself that you have to be disciplined and do things.

It is doing so much more than you realize. People see it. All the things that you do in private, all those little actions you take all the times where you don't fucking want to, but you do anyways. It is so much more.

recognized, then you realize, and it's easy to forget that, and it's easy to slip in, it's like, oh, it doesn't matter, whatever. Just hear me saying that. It's so much more received and observed than you think. And most of the times it will never be communicated to you, but you will start to notice it in the way that people treat you. It's not about being pretty. It's about respecting yourself and that respect for yourself being observed. And once people observe that, like I said before, they categorize you with how they will treat you.

and it sets you in a category, they will treat you with respect. And with that, having your outfit look good, having you look good makes you feel way more prepared and way more confident to stand up for yourself. So when you do respect yourself and you do put effort into yourself, you're going to be a lot more sensitive to disrespect to be, you're also going to be a lot more confident in the clap back. It's going to be way easier, but who the fuck are you?

Very easy, much more easy, because you're confident. You put the effort in, you showed yourself respect. So when you're met with disrespect, it's not going to fly. You're not going to be able to just swallow it and sit back. You're like, no, fuck you. Now, when you go to leave the house or you go to do something, you're like, oh, I don't want to put any effort in.

you're choosing at that moment to not control what you're communicating. And it's kind of like, damn, like you're not going to be able to ever just like not put in a little bit of effort going forward. It's going to be way easier to do it. But it also is kind of like gift and a curse. But don't get to that point where you're insecure and you're like so crippled by the thought of it. And if you get into a spiral where you're nitpicking yourself,

Something's better than nothing. And doing anything into yourself, like I said, it's instant gratification when you do any step to help with your appearance. But when you have clarity on the goal of why you're putting certain effort into your appearance and why you want to look a certain way, the goal is what you're looking that way for. The goal is no longer

Fixing my body so I can have everything that I want. No, it comes from my body and my appearance as a tool to help me get to what I want. So the nitpicking kind of stops. When you give your brain an objective and you give your brain a goal for why it's making changes, it's not going to be left up to your brain of just just because I want to fuck with you and make your body look better, make it look different. It's not good enough. It's not this. It's not that when you see, okay, these things I'm doing are going to

pushed me toward that goal. And I've met the goal for how I want to look and show up for this thing. Okay, cool. Your brain is not focused on just destroying you and nitpicking you. It's on the goal and it's on execution. So that's one way to kind of shut that voice up in the back of your head and also give you more confidence walking into any situation. And if you are going to argue with somebody, you better look good. You better have put some effort into yourself because you don't want to be rolling out the bad looking homeless and then be yelling at somebody.

because you look like a crack head. It's immediately dismissed and wiped out. It's like people who leave hate comments on social media and they're busted. I'm like, baby, if you really wanted to hurt my feelings, be sickening and then tell me I'm ugly. Cause then I'll be like, oh fuck. But the fact that somebody looks homeless, I'm not going to listen to the perspective of a crack head, you know?

If I'm out in public and I see somebody who has their t-shirt, like the neck is all stretched out and their hair is all disheveled and they got stains on their shirt and they just got on some random shoes and two mismatched socks. I know you got a Reddit. I know you sit there and talk shit about people with nothing to do. And the other key defining thing is no sun exposure. They be pale as shit.

And that's a very fair judgment to make, pattern recognition. The people who put the least amount of effort into themselves are the ones with the most to say about the people who do put effort into themselves because the jealousy factor comes up also. A lot of people have these justifications of like, oh, I can't put effort into my appearance because I'm going to be superficial. People are going to think I'm an asshole. No, I just opened you up to a whole new perspective. You're aware of and you respect the power of the tool of your physical appearance.

Very simple, very easy. But one really, really big thing that I've observed and kind of learned about people who look good, the human body being pretty or being like well taken care of, it is such a like mind fuck for a lot of people because to be in something

And to be like living life with something, every single thing that you do, you have to use your body. So something that is exhausted all the time, like you're using this thing, and it's still pretty. Like every single thing that you do during the day, living as a human, you still look good. But like, what the fuck? It's such an amount of effort.

People don't have any option but to respect. Because you have to feed yourself, you have to clean yourself, you have to shower, you have to eat, you have to shit. Like you have to take care of yourself. You have to do a lot of upkeep for your physical environment and for your vehicle that you're using to do it to still look good. I was annoying. It's annoying when you see somebody self looking pretty all the time.

It's like, damn, you really just got so much energy and time and way. Like a lot of people get like mad about it, but that's a big thing that I wanna kind of flip people's mind about is it's a level of respect. Like for someone to look very good, sure, you can discredit people and say, oh, you don't work a normal job. You don't have certain responsibilities to deal with. You have to whatever XYZ you can discredit people all you want. But the fact that they still look good is a lot of effort. It's such a big flex.

and we're fucked up kind of way. It's such a big flex of this thing you're in all the time. You manage to live your life, clean your house, work a job, and look good, fuck. That level of respect I was talking about, yeah, you're categorized. I think I've rambled enough about this topic. I hope it helped you. I hope it helped you feel a little bit more motivated, but also feel better about the physical appearance thing and also feel empowered. Yeah, I got a new hack for life, because you do. Literally start weaponizing your appearance

and you got this shit. And I said before, it's instant gratification, but it is also an instant way to change your mood. So like I said, you'd put a little effort into yourself, it'll immediately make you feel more motivated, it'll immediately make you feel better. So even if you're in a depression pit or you've just lost someone going through a breakup, whatever, sitting there crying, looking a little sickening and being clean is a more enjoyable experience than

not putting any effort into yourself. So as much as it's instant gratification, it's also an instant way to change the way that you feel and change your motivation level. So keep that in the back of your head. And for my people who are listening to the audio version of this podcast, on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave me a five star rating. Please thank you very much. But also hit the download button on the episode. That's what helps me a ton. So thank you. And one thing y'all know I like to do if you've watched this this far, you hear me talk right now, you've made it to the end. Hey, love you.

Comment some kind of kissy face emoji. Whether it's the one with the heart or just like a little kissy face because I like to know who makes it this far. In the description, I'm going to link my merch. If you're interested in that, you can go get to that. It's so sick. The whole collection I just dropped is called Fuck Forgiveness because you don't need nobody's forgiveness to be yourself. Fuck. And as always, I will also put my social media if you want to keep up with me. Follow me everywhere. See what I be doing. I'll also leave the link to my app, Positive Focus. If you want to download that, check it out.

This was fun. I feel like I gave everybody a new weapon to go play around life with. But that's all we got for this week's episode. Everybody, be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.