152: Best of BNCMAP 2024

Hey guys. Thanks so much for joining us. Thanks so much for watching BNC this year. Thanks so much for joining us and watching BNC this year. I think this was my favorite year of podcasting. Me too. It kind of finally feels like we have grown into our. Into the Kelly Clarkson collection. Yeah. Yeah. We're kind of sitting here and these are.

in our own right, you know? Yeah. I feel like I'm finally fit into my clothes. It feels like everybody's in them with us, too. And it feels like no one's against us. Which is awesome. There's a couple people that are actively against us. Well, maybe this episode will change their mind. Let's hit it, boys. Welcome to the best of 2024. Buckle up. Oh, really? Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho.

Can you look at my pit stains in the shirt? Oh, I can see them every time you stretch. I never get pit stains. Your shirt like I like it, but I think February is my least favorite month. Can I ask what that is to do with the shirt? It's like hearts and pink. Oh, OK. This is my new favorite shirt, but.

There's something wrong with the manufacturing. That's not my fault. This is a manufacturing error. I think it's just low thread count. Yeah, it's low thread count. That's not my... Had I been lifting my arms a whole episode? Sorry. It's fine. I've also got a full jacket on. Why didn't you tell me?

What am I going to say? You have horrible pit stains. Everybody has pit stains. I know. I just don't usually get them. I feel like I think it's my wet deodorant because I got that wet old spice like that. Well, I'll never switch from the wet old spice. Yeah, I'm doing wet old spice like the clear. So that's what it is. I don't sweat. So no, it's me.

That's okay. I should be down on this again. Okay, cool. Oh, I'm going to be like, really? That's not funny at all. No. No, it's not. Oh, my heart. Oh, you're wearing your lingua franca? Yeah. What is it? lingua franca. lingua franca. Yeah, I am.

Good, not great. Oh, sorry. Nice of you to show up. What was happening? Tell us. I've noticed a new scam and buyer beware because you know how it used to be scams used to be like, oh my God, I have to show you this. You're going to pee. Scams used to be like,

I am a prince. I'm gonna send you a million dollars. My grandma called one time. I was like, there's an Nigerian prince that wants to send me money, but I don't have wifi. How do you contact her? How do you think on the phone, which is crazy? And I was like, grandma really lets think about this. And she was able to come to terms with that. But now, I got this the other day.

How in the world is my grandma supposed to survive modern day where Jennifer Aniston is leading the world's largest MacBook Pro giveaway?

You're one of the 10,000 lucky people who get MacBook Pro for just $10. Jennifer Aniston here, and I'm doing the world's largest MacBook giveaway. Just go to my site below and claim yours now. So that's AI. This video of Jennifer Aniston is gonna single-handedly tear down every baby boomer on the planet. That's AI, right? Yeah, it's AI. Or that they mix together clips of Jennifer Aniston. No, it's AI. So that has to be illegal. It is, but I think it's so hard to regulate. I guess scams are illegal anyway.

Let me see her. You're one of the lucky 10,000 people that will be getting that book pro for just $10 for just $10 for just $10. It looks at him like a cartoon. I'm Jennifer Aniston. I'm running back book pro giveaway. Just $10. You may know me from friend. You got there. Smelly cat friend.

Oh, that's a really good corner. Honestly, like, I am a very honest person. I'll fucking lie to get out of a fart in a certain situation. Like, in what way? Like, if people are like, what is that? I'll be like, that's crazy. Whoa. I don't even know what was that you got. Did I ever tell you that I don't smell it? I don't smell it. It hasn't come to me yet. It hasn't reached me, so it couldn't have been from me. Did I tell the story of what happened to me in third grade computers class?

Oh, this sounds like it's actually this is going to be one of those things where it's like why did I say that to horrible story, but I'll tell you anyway, but if it affected you it did affect me pretty deeply. I was answering a question about something about the computer game zoom beanies if you guys are.

My Kelly Clarkson wafer collection chair was just kind of going ham in the mic just now. But I just need to reshift because my camo slacks were going up my ass crack like a G string. So I was trying to pull them out of my ass crack. And in doing so, I made this sound.

Hey man, no worries. For like six seconds too long. No worries. Let me know when I can go on with my story. But take her childhood trauma. Take your time. Computer class. Moving and dreaming. Let's make a mental note. We need some WD-40 for the leather. Please. Okay. Computer class. How many words? Computer class. I don't know off the top of my head. I was probably like, yeah, I was going to say eight.

could not spend on a good day with one finger. But anyway, I was answering some sort of question in computer's class. And in the middle of answering the question, I farted like pretty loudly. And I could have just like kept talking, but I stopped what I was doing. I said, who did that? You just guess with the whole room. Everyone knew it was me. It was so clear. I was at the front of the class speaking, a loud like bubbly fart came out of me.

No one said anything in my computer teacher was like, it's okay. Just go on. I said, no. I cannot go on right now. Who did that? Who did that? That this is disgusting. Who did that? The lights turn off like it's like a murder mystery party. You get a flashlight. Why would you do that? And the computer teacher was like Brooke, like it's.

Okay. It happens. No worries. Just keep going. I would. You go. My enemies are trying to sabotage my performance. I was an anti-drew like magnifying glass. I love those third of yours. The third good or who did that? I would not continue my train of thought. I sat back down. Could could not have continued not knowing who did that.

Oh my gosh. Not one person didn't know it was me, by the way. Like, wait, this story's really killing me. This is really funny. And then a similar thing happened, actually, now that you mentioned it, thank you for asking. In geometry class, we were taking a test, and I was sitting next to my friend Jen, and she farted loudly.

And then before the fart was even out, she goes broke. No! Okay, that's all in the friendship because of that. That is fucked up. Because we were sitting, it was me, her, and the boy she liked. Oh, so she loved the sacrifice. So I had to think in that moment, am I going to fall? I'm going to fall on the sword for Janet at this time. I couldn't. Who's named Janet in third gen? Oh, and this is nice for geometry.

You know, you're like $1.00 in. Why do you eat that cup of ice cream? I will never smell a fart and start playing the investigator game. I think that's like fucked up. Like, if you smell it, it's good karma to just like let that person live. That person is like, who did it? Right. Who did it? Like, why are you going to arrest someone?

The scariest thing in the world is the sentence, you smelt it, you doubt it. Oh yeah, that fucked me up. That was the beginning of gaslighting. You're right. That was the origin story of gaslighting. That's why I always go, I can't smell anything. I have a sinus infection. I have COVID. That's what, it's always the person that didn't smell like this. I just said this weekend and it reminded me that this weekend, I was walked into the bathroom on twice.

Would you rather walk in on someone in the bathroom or be walked in on when I walk in on someone in the bathroom? I leave the premises completely. That's the only thing that you can do to be a decent human being. The fact that somebody would walk in on you and then still continue to wait outside of the restroom is sadistic. Yeah, I agree. It's sadistic. They are a psychopath or sociopath. They are no better than Legion.

Okay, I, yeah. But that part 59 series, the husband and the factory. Legion, yeah. I was gonna say, what I didn't say about that is I was walked in on twice by the same person. What were you doing? The lap.

Need I sit more? Got it? Yeah, the latch is broken. And I shut it, and he knocked the first time, and I said, I said, hello. He's not coming in, I'm... I said hello. See ya.

Hey, man, can't you see him? Over here? He's down trying to pop. Come on, man.

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Kill live. Yeah. Mary laugh. No, you're fucking low. No, I'll fuck laugh. Mary love. And yourself, I'm marrying live. Why?

Because I would like to continue living alongside Liv. I'm fucking laugh, and I'm killing love. Damn. That's my Valentine's Day mood. Happy birthday. Mine would probably be the underground railroad simulation that we had to do. Yeah. What did you guys do? The underground railroad simulation. Rock us through that again.

We always went on like an overnight trip and we were at some overnight camp and then all of a sudden the teachers just turned off all the lights and said, get down, get down. We had to completely move through the underground railroad. That makes sense to do. Oh, God, yeah. Also, this is absolutely like,

Not okay nowadays, like completely not PC, but this was just like the reality of the situation. When I was in third grade, we were learning about Native Americans and we went, we had to go on a spirit quest to find our spirit animal. They let 20 third graders loosen the forest.

There's also hours on it. You were in one of probably the most progressive school in America. There is a way to be so progressive that you're actually pretty racist. Connor, that's exactly what it was. But we had no idea at the time. Yeah, that is crazy. Now looking back like some of the most racist, offensive activities, underground railroad simulation, spirit quests. Yeah. Oh my God.

Guys, we have someone so special here today. I'm going to hand it to Brooke to announce, because this is my new best friend that I met yesterday in person for the first time, but I've known for my entire life probably before I was born. We met crossing paths in the before life, in some other realm, and we felt that yesterday.

There is a soul connection, but you guys know my aunt, Susu. We talk about her all the time. She's the greatest. Come on over, Susu. You can hear, wait, is she, should she take my microphone? Okay, we can, Susu, how are you feeling right now? I'm a wreck. Why? I'm just so nervous, but I'm so, I'm so like honored to be with these two very special people sitting beside me.

I just love Connor. He is my new number one. Sorry. What's his name? Robert Pattison and Gosling, although I still love Ryan. But this one is my number one now. I love you to death. There we go. My favorite thing is that like Sushi yesterday said that I kind of look like Ryan Gosling, which I've never gotten ever. Said what? That I kind of look like Ryan Gosling. Oh my God.

I don't even, I think you might be a better looking. I don't know if there's a gas leak or something. I don't look like it. I'm so flattered. Don't be flattered. It's true. It's just real. That's the nicest thing genuinely. So that's why I went into my set yesterday. So freaking pumped my shows because Susu said it looked like Ryan Gosling and I carried that with me for six hours yesterday. Well, that's good. It was a little,

It was an oomph. A little, yeah, a boost. But it's, it's, I'm just so proud of my brookie, my first love and so amazing what they're doing. And that's it. Oh, I'm sure. Great interest. So you really are natural. A hundred percent. A hundred and fifty percent. Right now it's just us.

Wow. Wow. Let's talk about it in the bonus. I couldn't leave my house. Okay. I know. I know. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. There it is again. Okay. All right. We'll see you in the bonus. Bye everybody.

Why did he do that? That's so funny. Did the end was it still recording? Yep, 100%. That's so funny.

I'm surprised there's not more tsunamis. There, I said it. Yeah, there should be as many tsunamis as there are earthquakes. No. No, I'm not saying there should, like, I want that. I'm saying... I know your heart. I'm saying, like, wouldn't any earthquake start a tsunami off? I meant, like, European, no. Like, this is a gorgeous day, no? Like, that's what it means.

Wait, what? What are we talking about? You said, shouldn't there be as many scenarios as I said? No. Like, I was agreeing with you. Oh, sorry. My bad for not knowing. No means I'm agreeing with you. Oh, my God. It's a gorgeous day, no? That's all I was saying. Who's got to move on from science today? Because it's not a good luck. OK, dude. No, dude. Come on, dude. No, dude. You come on, dude. Dude, please, dude.

Dude, hear me out. I'm. Dude, come on. Dude, I don't ask you for much. Dude, come on. Hear me out, dude. Hear me out, but one second, dude. Now I'm back to being like, nobody can fucking drive. I've like switched back to that. Because there's a bunch of morons on the road. Yeah, but it's just a matter. I get what you're saying about how there should be more wrecks.

Yeah, it's just like sometimes I'm driving when I was driving here. I'm like, I'm going 72 miles per hour on a residential street. I'm just flying and I'm like, like fully just like thinking about French fries and like, oh my gosh, where is like, I should, you know, just random stuff.

Totally. Like when's the last time I've, I need to be able to touch my toes, you know, like certain stuff like that. And I'm thinking that while I'm going 70 in the 70 mile per hour range. Yeah. And I'm behind a thousands and thousands of pound piece of metal. Yes. I also, some people, myself, like at the top of the list should not have access to their music while they're driving. Oh.

I just know if I got pulled over and be like, oh, but officer, it was, it was the four P's. But officer, it was the glee version. But officer, it was in the B key. But officer, Jonathan Groff is in between running, running, running, running, running, running. But officer, the beach is dropped in boom, boom, pow. But officer, what's that one sign that I say I could, I could fight a wild animal to by the four P's.

I can't stop calling them that after I've read that one tweet. It's like intellectual. Let's get it started. No, it's how I got a feeling. Pump it parentheses louder. Yeah. They were on to something when they put that extra part in parentheses. I know you're pumping it right now. I need you to pump it. Come on. So Connor, Italy might be Italy is anyways. It doesn't matter. Thing is.

They can't drop you with your suitcases at the Airbnb. You have to drag them, not only down the steps to your Airbnb, but back up. So we were like at the bottom, like on the beach. So that was definitely something that took a lot of time and energy in my part, especially because you know, my suitcase is 27 pounds for a little girl. What do you crossfit queen?

Yeah, right. Connor, it was the next day. I was diagnosed with doms. Are you laughing? D-O-M-S. D-O-M-S. Is it something this is? Okay. Country of origin. English. D-O-M-S. Okay. Can you use it in a sentence? I was diagnosed with doms the second day. I'm opposed to Tommy.

Is it, is this is, um, this is, uh, how you say, um, I came down with a bad case of the doms. You're shitting your pants, but like via dominoes. Is that what it is? Doms, doms. Do you know what it is?

delayed onset muscle soreness? Yes. Delayed onset muscle soreness? No, I've had it before. You've had Dom's. Here I am thinking, you made up a new word for like... Because I've had like that kind of thing before, like with F-45 when I couldn't move. This was a, this was, it actually, this had me googling like, what's, what's wrong? And that's how I was diagnosed with Dom's. Delayed onset muscle soreness, isn't that just like, I'm sore from yesterday? You have a punner?

But yes, but in a way that it's actually needing a term to be diagnosed because I was literally had to go down the stairs on my butt the next day because I couldn't bend my legs straight. And I'm not being dramatic. Dom's should be taken very seriously.

Well, I mean, I like calling to work because I, I, it's really you. Connor, I'm telling you it was that bad. If I was someone's boss and they called me and said, I have doms. I can't come in. I would say, Oh my God, please take all the time that you need to get well and stay home. I don't cover it. It was really a break out there. Connor couldn't get it. Couldn't get a damn break. Are you okay? I don't know what that was.

I'm getting back into eggs. Ooh. I dropped a whole carton of eggs on the floor this morning. Speaking of eggs. So you're kind of getting back. I'm getting out of eggs right now. You're getting out of eggs the way the universe works is I'm getting into eggs. Let's get you slipped into something a little bit more comfortable. Yeah. For every slip into your shell. For every one egg closed, another egg opens. Vice versa as well. Yeah.

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Exactly. Homophobia. Exactly. I'm glad someone said it. So I'm gonna have to, bro. I'm happy to. Some man had to take a stand. Yeah. I'm glad it was you. That's why they gave us our platform. They got to put you on the quarter. Speak out on the quarter. Yeah. That's good, bro. Put your face on the quarter. They got to get my face on the court if they know what's good for them. I have a lot of things like that that I could say.

like feminism. Yeah. Okay. Give me your top five, 10, 10 minutes to fakes right now, 10 minutes fakes. Um, okay. One. Yep. tampons should be free. Very good. That one, no one can say anything bad about that. Two women. Women can do it.

Three, these boots were made for walking. Girls love boots. Maybe boots should be free too. Maybe boots should be free for women. That could be nice. You, your first access president, free boots for a woman. I

No, I don't even want to go open this can of words. Words. I literally like have to. Hey guys, I just. Hey guys, I just finished. What do you guys do for your brain fog? Let us know. Hey guys, I just finished my can. Grapefruit rosemary. I'm subleasing this empty can. I guess it could be the can. Um, but now I had started, I had started with these words before the can. Anyway.

But I didn't say anything, but let's let's do some. I would say I would say the bats are at trip to the Barnes and Noble. Oh, I redownloaded hinge last night. OK, just because I have like a new pretty pictures of myself. Yeah. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew

Ew. Yeah. Damn, you got me. I got you. It's like so fucking scary.

That's the real. That's the real. The real. LA. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. No, it's like not. I just don't. I don't get it. And then I put myself. I went to New York last night. Time traveled on Hinge or I. You've even said the portal. I went through the portal and it's so much better in New York. I really think it's there's something wrong with LA. I think there are very few.

I'm not, I'm actually not even looking for normal. Like very few, how you say. Genesé qua. There's like, there's a little bit too much genocide qua off going on. Yeah, let's just say these guys got a little bit too much genocide qua. And like, I don't want to be mean. So I'm not using like any words. You said you nine times. I really don't want to be mean. So I'm not going to say anything, but high bestie. You said you nine times.

It's disgusting, like it's revolting, it's putrid, like, it's literally like a hell on earth. Brooke, you know what you should do? What? You should go onto the side of that one really busy intersection in WeHo, and you should have like a little sign that says... You dropped your can. Whoa! Oh my god. Oh, you scared me. I didn't know it was full. Damn, I cannot.

I cannot get out of this studio without a wet ash. I'll tell you what. It's either I'm sweating. Oh, you dropped your paper towels. Shut up, girl. Girl, please. Well, the guy can't have hobbies.

Having a wet ass. Have you told the story about your almost arrest on the way to mammoth? Um, not in depth. I've told, obviously burgers heard it. Yeah. But basically while we're talking about driving, I guess we could just, um, I, we were driving me and cat were driving to mammoth and get all the way there. For some reason, like it's a four hour drive and it took us eight. Yeah.

Double down. We doubled down on our time and we're almost there. Like we're like 16 minutes out. Six. Okay, the first. Okay, go ahead. We get pulled over like 14. Jesus. I know the story. We're like 15 minutes out, whatever, and get pulled over and this guy rolls up.

By this guy, do you mean a police officer? Yes. This man rolls up, walks up. I can't remember. I've been pulled over in an ages. So I can't remember. Don't let's on. What? Don't let's on. Oh, that felt like a different language. Sorry. I thought you were doing like you. No. Don't let's on. Don't let's on. Like you owe me papa. See that on. Don't let back see.

You're Domblesong today. Like, wait, like you, me, papa. Hey, Domblesong.

make a pee. Um, so don't let's own. And then I don't even know what you're trying to say still. Don't like what's it? Don't like one here. Don't lights are the ones that your parents always said, like, we can't, you can't have those on. Oh, yeah. Oh, I heard don't hold over if you have or pulled over. Yeah. Okay. What is so illegal about having a light on in a car at night?

I think it's supposed to be distracting to other drivers, maybe, but like what are you? Have you ever seen a light before? But is that true? It's not illegal. It's like all over the road. Yeah. You should have your high beams on if you need to see further, but your low beams if you're in fog. Yep. Oh, thank you. You're all good. Keep going.

If I had my dome lasone, and then I was like, do I have to do 10 and two? Do I hold my hands on the wheel? 10 and two is good. He rolls up. I'm already doing this smile.

And meet me too as well. Hello, sir. It's like, hey, King. So your car is not even registered in any state. And your license plate does not. It's a fake license plate. And I was like, what? At that point, I was like, what are you talking about, man? And he's like, well, you have a, you have my license plate used to say fibs.

Because my dad got it for me for my birthday. It's illegal. It's not registered. It was like not even a real place. Yeah, just like it was like you go to get shopping by my license way and I put that on my car. Completely not. It wasn't even real. Like it wasn't even a real license. But you had a real one.

in my glove compartment. And so he's like, oh, it was doing hidden Mickey in the glove compartment. It was not. So the car was like literally like you may as well have been in like a Walmart buggy. I also could not find the insurance could not didn't have it.

You couldn't find it because I didn't have it in the same boat. He was also like, your headlight is out and you were speeding. Break light. Okay. You were thinking to break light. Yeah. One of my break lights was out and I was speeding. And he rolls up and he's like, you know what? Literally don't even worry about it. Like I can tell you're stressed. I need you to stop stressing. And he said I want you guys to have fun. I want you to have a good weekend. He also thought Connor was 16. Thought I was 16. Was worried about him having his license at all. Like due to age. Let us go.

Let us go to the natural next step. Let them go. Obviously. And so he did let us roll away. I felt so good too. We turn the music back on. I am out. Let's party. We are six minutes away now. We drove a total of one mile. I'm going to pull right over.

I said, there's no way that's the same guy. Not at all. It's two guys, two police officers, one on both sides. Brooke, I thought they were going to drag our limp bodies into the woods and beat the shit out of us. Oh my god, that's horrifying. Not charmed by him. Really? I was charming my lower back off.

I was trying to make hidden Mickey off. I was trying so hard and they were not buying what I was selling. And they were like, first of all, fuck you. You're all the same stuff. Your car's not registered at all. It hasn't been registered in any state since 2022. And I was like, okay, honest mistake, genuinely honest mistake, licenses from Texas. My fake license plate is from Texas. My real license plate is in my glove compartment. Do not have insurance.

case of 30 beers on the backseat. They were like to us, they're like, which one of you's been drinking the 30 beers? I go, well, sir, as you can see, that's an unopened box of beers. We are going to drink them in six minutes. If you let us be God forbid you live and let live. I mean, flashlights in the car. They're like, like a lot of beer back here. I'm like, we're going skiing. You think we're going to go to skiing sober? So he was able to say tell one thing. He said, not a single thing legal about this vehicle.

not a single thing, legal about this vehicle. And then what do you respond to that? Something like that. He said, I feel horrible. I literally think it's, what did you say to him? What did you say to him? I think I said, I feel horrible. No, you said like a joke. You said like a joke that you were, you were like doing a saying that weekend and you said it. I don't. Yeah. Oh, I said, yeah. He's a non, not a single thing is legal by this car and cackles. Yay. And then that's just, I was like,

Hey, what are you supposed to say to that? Sorry. I said sorry. He's like, don't apologize to me. I was like, did I apologize to the other guy? Who should I apologize to? I don't get the shit personally. Like this is obviously something that upset you. Right. So who do I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings. I'm sorry that I'm not having a legal car hurt your feelings. Yeah, I'm not sorry I did it. I'm sorry it hurt you.

So so then what did they instruct you to do? And did you get a ticket? I got the first one was a warning. It was like kind of like a soft launch of a ticket. Yeah, because I did have a fine. It was a fix it ticket. Yeah, everything's good now.

They gave him like the least, the least amount of ticket possible effects. It's basically like, you got to pay a couple of dollars, but just fix it, which is still crazy for the situation that way. That is truly remarkable. They also asked for Airbnb address and said, if you don't change the plate, like the second that you park and change it, like at your Airbnb, we will come to your car and ticket it or tow it.

Did you change it when you left the Airbnb? No, we had to go because our friends are at the bar. Yeah. We weren't going to miss happy. Right. Yeah. Did you change it when you got back from happy hour? Cat made me change it before we left. Yeah. We left it there. That's smart. And the cat wasn't there. You wouldn't know change it. Well, we can know. I wouldn't. I forgot. Yeah. When I when we were safe in the Airbnb, we were on base. We were dry. Like shaking, trying to get there the six minutes. It was so scary because

It was snowing too, and it was like icy, and I was like, I know for a fact, the wolf huff and puffed at the first house and blew that house down. The second house, that wolf huffed and puffed and blew that house down. Third house was me absolutely skid marking across this icy road and running into someone's body. I was like, I know that I'm going to do this. I'm going to do one more, and then we'll finish it this one.

Okay, my cousin married a man whose wife died last summer. She got divorced this year. Lots of kids. Let me step back because I don't really understand what I read. Yeah, I'm going to need one more run through. My cousin married a man whose wife died last summer. Did it actually? Kind of. You're fine, babe.

Shit man. Oh my god. You said it wouldn't hurt. Did it hurt? No, it's okay. Well now I feel horrible Did you like me do that? Did you conk me over the head of that bomb? Oh No, I didn't know Brooke Brooke you did it unprompted. I never I never said it said I said I did not want to do that

you did not pass. They said, Brooke, you really need to do that. And I was like, I don't really want to. And now you're giving me shit. I thought it was great. It was like, like a lot more like if I didn't have this hat on. Can you genuinely after I smack him over the head insert the roll of tapes of me saying, I don't really want to do that. You didn't say that. I said, I'm like a little scared. Can I like and then just get just make sure you include Conner thing.

Make sure you include Conner saying do it, do it, do it. I know you've been scared. No, hit me over the head with that shit. It's not sugar. No, it's not sugar. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Don't swallow. Don't swallow. Don't swallow. Don't swallow. Don't

Okay, you guys. Well, Connor, I'm so- I'm sorry I hit you up with a glass bottle. Knock, knock. Who's there? Glass bottle. Glass bottle who? I'm gonna hit you up with a glass bottle.

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I'm not gonna take the person's name out of it. Okay. Because it's happening yesterday. Let's bleep it. I got a phone. And I want another name. I got a phone call. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It matters to me. I got a phone call from someone yesterday did not answer because I didn't have the number say it. Just tell me who. I got it. I'm gonna say his name. Say his name. I'm gonna tell you his name. But... Say it now. No, no. It's a part of the story. I'm gonna tell you. He tells me who he is. Well, who is he?

Fuck you, fuck you. Shut up. Chair would probably look better. For what? To look better. I'm just like, you have a living room cuck chair. It's crazy. Cuck chair? Do you know what a cuck chair is? Yeah, I know what a cuck is. What is a cuck? Like someone who gets cheated on, a husband who gets cheated on. No, someone who finds sexual pleasure in being in someone else engaging with their significant other. No, I don't think they have to find pleasure in it.

That's the whole thing. It's a kink. Well, no, there can be a cup kink, but saying cuck doesn't imply kink. Yeah. I mean, I think the actual, like, originated there. I don't agree with you. OK, well, let's work with those four. Yeah.

I have my urban dictionary. I have my fingers dangling above. Urban dictionary, a man who lets his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. Okay, well, that's her dictionary. Whatever she wants to treat him like shit. That's urban dictionary. John watches white box by another man. No, no, no. Okay, I'm saying there is a kuck kink, but just the definition of kuck doesn't imply kink. Okay. Okay, we're both right.

Make a cuckold by having a sexual relationship with his wife or being a man whose wife is actually unfaithful. I think we're both right. Okay. But I think I'm more right. What were you saying it is? It's just like a man whose wife sheets on him. But he knows is what I'm saying.

I don't think, like I could just go, he's a cuck, but like he doesn't have to know. I feel really derogatory coming out of my mouth. It feels bad to say, but it feels really bad. We can go on the right. That's, that's, I mean, obviously there's, I mean, a cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife, the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuck queen.

But that's what I'm saying. The definition is just a man that's being cheated on, but to have a cuck kink would be if he liked it. The definition itself doesn't imply that there's already a kink there. Oh my gosh, this is actually crazy. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring. Aww. That's pathetic. It's sweet. But it is sweet. He's the father that cuckoled it biologically. He could be the father that stepped up.

Yeah. What is- What is- What is wrong with a male pigeon who steps up to raise some little baby pigeons? Nothing. Nothing. In fact, admirable. We're reclaiming cocks, cut queen. She's my cut queen, let her hit the band-o. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, now I'm like very- What's the word? Confused? No.

No, it's like a very simple word that's escaping me. Hungry. It's not subconscious. Self-conscious. I'm very self-conscious about not mashing your freak right now. Want to hear a funny, funny comment that someone DM'd me? I don't know. It was on my class friends. You probably saw it. I didn't see it. I didn't know. I wasn't really on my phone this weekend. Okay. I'm going to infeed it because I went to Catalina Island yesterday. Yeah. And.

You know, I was in a bathing suit, so all the pictures are of me in a bathing suit. Yeah. And I have decided that I just don't care. Good. About my body. But someone in response to a story of my body. Yeah. Which, yeah, of course. This is the DM I got. Give me one second while I load the DM, okay? You hit me whenever you're ready.

I just got a, Matt King tied you in a post and it scared me half to death. Oh, it's a post. Oh, it's just a horrible drunk photo of me. Okay. Imagine being a woman and just being like, you know what? Fuck it. Like a body's a body, body neutrality. Okay. Here's a picture of me in my bathing suit. I'm not thinking anything of it, like whatever, like insert this damn.

Hi, um, so I've never tried something like this before and I know it will sound weird, but you popped on my explore page and I finally felt good about myself. I've been on social media forever and like I've always been idolizing the perfect hourglass flat stomach bodies and like you have the same body as me and it finally made me feel pretty from once.

I know this might be a very weird message for you to get. I know you're not a body influencer, but you've helped me to make me feel more confident in my own body, and I thank you. I can't express how happy I am to have scrolled upon your content. Also, your podcast thingy is really cool. What do you think's the most offensive part of that? Podcast thingy? No. Hourglass figure? Bot stomach?

Finally pretty for once. I think that was the kicker for me. I like finally pretty. That's my Instagram caption, by the way. Finally feeling pretty for once. Yeah, that's it. I'm going to make the caption. I'm going to dump all those bathing suit pictures in this at the end. Caption. Finally pretty. Check for once. Check. It's already drafted. Finally pretty for once. Check. Oh my God. Walk me through the spider propaganda that you wanted to talk about today.

I have been affected by big spider in a way that makes me full blown emotional broke. Oh my God, I'm getting going to get choked up. I saw this TikTok of this spider. Oh my God. Cute little bubbly walking up spider like.

but not like a spider that I've ever known. Cute. Cute is a button that one. Personal, personable, like my best friend, my right hand man, and the quote on the video of the spider walking up on the table. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know being seen would cost me my life.

I'm gonna cry for reading that. That is, like, really, really powerful when you put it back. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. At Ninkland, how many times you've done that?

You're part of God. Oh my God. I'm going to read some of the, I'm going to read some of the comments on it. Please, please do. That is powerful. That's, that is powerful. So literally there's tears. I know. I do not blame you. I mean, given the circumstances of today, I don't blame you. And all that has come before me and given the fact that I did fall out of a coconut tree last night. It's no surprise that I'm crying about this. I know. Oh my God. It's, it's making me.

I can see your emotion all. Oh my god. Let's see. Oh, that's not a cute spider, by the way, at all. That is scary. Let it get closer to you. It's coming to say hello. It's the music that's making anything. It's cute. I mean, it's some of the comments. Oh, and I'm sorry for scaring you.

And I'm sorry for scaring you, but I didn't know that being seen would cost me my life. I know. I earned you the first time. Yeah. Oh, you're killing me. OK, I'm going to read some of this. And I'm going to say paragraph after each one so you know that one comment ends in the action. I appreciate it. Thank you. Did the spider tell you that paragraph? That's a cute spider. No, that's not even funny. Not my problem. Flip flop emoji.

Oh, do you know why they put the flip-flop emoji? I think that's the murder weapon. I know. Oh, my God, there's so many flip-flop emojis. This is like, this is almost for me. That is heinous. The spiders can live, but not in my house.

You have always said that, which is scary to think of where you've come from. Live life, but not in my bedroom paragraph. Okay, but don't come out in a room paragraph. Girl, the spiders I see are not like that paragraph. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Like I don't see spiders like this, but it literally feels like I am a racist talking about spiders. Like, oh, that's not the spiders that I see.

Do you know what I'm talking about? My eyes are opened. My eyes are a gape. After learning this information. I feel like I went on an eat, pray, love trip, and I'm coming back with a full new view because of this TikTok.

Can we find like, I know that there has been a few moments in this podcast where Connor has spoken negatively about spiders. If we could find those and then kind of juxtapose that with how far you've come, I think that would be a beautiful montage with that music set set to. Yeah, just like this broke my heart. Like I feel like it's in a million pieces.

Thank you for sharing that. Of course, this is the only space I would share my newfound empathy, I guess, for arachnids. But that is what it is. That is what it is. And I don't know how else to say it. And I'm embarrassed. I do want to set my apartment on fire.

when I move out, but now knowing this, it's like, how different is the scary disgusting one that was in my bed from this little jumping spider? But that's a bad way of thinking. Like one is scary and disgusting because of the way it looks. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And if you are a racist and you're listening to this, just kidding.

Stop listening. One. What's two? One's, I wasn't going to go on. Okay. Everyone's stop listening or just like keep listening and be changed. Yeah. That's, that's even better. Yeah. You can change. If I can do it, you can do it. Okay. Wow. That was powerful. I mean,

Hate speech can be transformed into love speech.

Hey, you look great. Thank you. How do you feel? I feel great. Shayna, killed as usual. As usual. Whoa, wait, so. Yes. What part of your face is still your skin? And keep that tongue in your mouth. So I guess it's CGI. I show badly into soft you right now and do something that I've been wanting to do since I put on my cloak.

Okay. I think I kind of have to move the table to. Okay. Is it a, is it a movement? That's it. I had to, I had, what were you saying about? It's not important at all after that.

Yeah. Thank you. I did that look good. Like I'm very hot. I got meganese meganese meganese meganese. I can't enunciate any further than that. Oh my God. I'm having a. My heartbeat is a little bit delayed. Also, people aren't just like shooting them and then they were just running a field like they eat. No, I know. Okay. Anyways, which is why I'm like, I can't even talk because I literally had ribs last night. How were they?

Like I don't even want to say. Pork or beef? Like the Chinese kind, like barbecue spare ribs. Like pork. Pork, okay. So good. I was like pork or beef and she was like Chinese. That should answer it. They have cows in China. I'm sure they do, but I'm saying the kind of ribs that you get at a Chinese restaurant are a pork base.

You can get beef ribs. Do you know that my mom wanted me to keep kosher when I was in middle school? And so I used to get to school really, really early and get bacon and eat it behind a trash can. We have been shaped by all that has come before us. Yeah. And now we have to on burden ourselves by what has been. Yeah. 100%.

It was the last day of the fair last night, so that's why we went. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Did you go on to the abduction zone? I went on the abduction zone. Did you get sucked off? It doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi when you're not blackout drunk, I have to say. I didn't realize when you had been sucked off the last time you were blackout. I got sucked off on the abduction zone. You had gotten sucked off by the abduction zone. Yeah. Okay. Last time. Say there's a difference. Okay. Yeah.

I went on and I was like, oh, my head hurts. Like that. It smelled like vomit in there. Really? It was hot. It's random. It smelled like vomit. That's the one that sucks you too. It was weird. Like being stuck like this would be like, all right, I'm over it. Like I, I couldn't do any. I couldn't move in my face. It was getting peeled back like this. I was like, Oh my God, what a long order we have.

But I didn't go on it. So I didn't get to go on it. And then we had talked about it, but I didn't end up getting to go on the grave. I call it the gravitron. There is a gravitron and there's an abduction zone. The abduction zone is further away. It's over by the zipper. We were there. Are they like sisters?

They're chosen family, I would say. They're not twins. You get sucked off on both? I'd say it's sucking off is pretty exclusive to the abduction zone. Were you sucked off at all last night? Not really. No, I was blue-balled. I was hard to hear that. Are you okay? The craziest thing. I played this one game.

As long as the aliens didn't leave the zone move forward. Thank you.

I'm just spit go ahead like what I'm gonna say next is a stupid stupid now that all that all that has gone down what go ahead. No, I'm just just shocked that so many people.

No, I'm not even saying No, it is it's so it's so not important. I'm ready for it. Okay, what I was gonna say We're gonna cancel we're gonna cancel for the alien abductions They're gonna cut that part and they're gonna say this is why we stopped giving white men microphones. I agree. Yeah, I

Okay, so I asked people for like niche interests and hobbies. Um, lying in bars. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah, because I think that they should invent a place that you can lay flat like a flat lay. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant telling lies. How is it spelled Connor?

It's totally making up false truths in a pub. You're right. Oh, I was thinking like I would love to lay down and have a cocktail. It's awesome to see where your brain went because I'm aligned with that. Look at me right now. I'm almost horizontal. Yeah. I think they should put beds everywhere. I think they should put pods on the street that just like can't make it home due to exhaustion. No worries. Swipe your car. Do you have a membership? Head on into the bed chamber.

I'm sure that nothing would go wrong in LA with the bed chambers on the street. It wouldn't like just like an offshoot of a Starbucks, the bed chamber. Like how people use the bathrooms and Starbucks. Oh, you use the red use the bed chamber. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Hop into my bed chambers. Yeah. There and there also should just be more like public restrooms.

Yeah, we have this conversation too much for two people. I have to tell you something. Yeah, tell me something. I went to a workout class this morning. Oh, good for you. Is that not the most shocking thing? At seven? What? I know. Huh? I know. It's very confusing. What kind of workout class? Core power. Why did you start with that? That's the most breaking news that we've- I meant to.

Like I, that is so admirable of you to go. I never go again. And I know, I, I know I picked up a case of Dom's. Yeah. Like I feel it started. I feel the beginning stages of just like being sore after a workout. It's not even, it's just off. Like some things off.

And I know that come tomorrow and you cause you know, it's delayed onset. I know come tomorrow when I wake up, I'm doing work from home tomorrow. And Izzy, can we do obsessed? Are we doing obsessed from the cuck chair on Thursday? I'm going to have to just do to a preexisting condition. Yeah. So I'll be able to get ahead of it. I'm totally ahead of it. I know what to do. I'm prepared. I'm not going to think I have tumors on all of my bones.

I'm excited. I'm honestly excited to brave the doms, knowing what I know. You should get in like a hot tub or something or like a cold plunge. I don't know how you would access either of those at this time. Honestly, like having doms, knowing you have doms, it's almost like there's something about it that's good.

It's scary when you don't know what it is, but then when you know, like, oh, this is my body's muscles being sore because I worked. Yes. So that we got there. I'm going to be sure after a workout. That's okay. That's like normal. No, Connor. No, no, no, no. You're talking about workout soreness. I'm talking about doms. You've never. This is coming from someone who's clearly never had doms.

You're right. You don't. You can't speak about doms unless you've been sore after working. I've never had to be scared. Like I'm trying to put it. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it. Like I'm not scared. Good for you. You're very great. Facing a disease head on and I'm not scared. Good for you. Okay. Like I was last time. I'm embracing it because what else can you do? Going in head on to the dom. Yes. You're right. It's not. It's not. I'm sore after workout.

That's the problem with DOMS, is that's what people think, and that's why people don't take it seriously. Right. So when I work out today, you never had DOMS and you never went. I'm going to do chess, and then Thursday when I'm sore, that's not delayed onset muscle soreness. That's being sore from a workout a day later. Cosplaying is one of those male doctors that tells women, like, oh, it's normal to throw up and bleed out and faint every time you have a period.

What? That's you right now. No, I'm not. You right now. You're literally delegitimizing my health issues. No, I said, I'm saying you said I absolutely can't experience doms. You said that. You said that's unique to you. It's unique to the population of people who experience doms, which you've clearly never had based off of the way that your, your lack of understanding is neon.

Oh, I have clearly never had it. No. You kind of sound like one of those doctors, actually. No, I can't because I'm a woman. Oh, shit. Yeah. I always forget about that. Can't be a no doctor. Okay, Elon Musk came out and was like, he came out as bisexual, and he was like, no, though he didn't. Oh. Wait, what? I almost watched it on the airplane yesterday, but I watched Burn After Reading and said, which... What's that? Okay, so that's one of those movies called Burn After Reading.

First of all, is there anything better in the world than sitting down and seeing a movie that like, oh, I've actually been wanting to watch this and you're on a plane and you look in the timing is perfect because our Wi-Fi went out. So it was like, yeah, it was kind of forced to be off my phone the whole time, which was nice, but I was just looking at another similar size screen, which was also nice because I was getting my Papa was getting his blue light prescription. Did you know what you were getting into?

No, I had no idea. I've I've heard burn burn after reading. I've heard that name. Listen to people in this movie Brad pitch George Clooney I thought you hated when there was a stacked cast But the thing about this particular stacked cast is that it was a different time So I think that they weren't all competing to like get a bigger page I don't really understand what the deal was back then but like they didn't overpower each other They weren't competing for screen time George Pitt

I love George Clooney. Oh, my God. George Clooney is one of my favorite. George Clooney, George Pit. George. What is it? Black Pit? What's their name? Yeah. As you were saying, Black Pit. Gordon, what is it? What are you? Whoa, I'm going to stroke, actually. Brand Galdon.

Bored? I don't know who you got. Who's Fran to Galton? Who's Fran Galton? Bored?

Hang on. I'll just read it. Thank you. I'm sweating. You sound like you went down the drain. Sorry. I don't know if this is a stress dream or just a dream, but had a dream that I got picked up from Chipotle in an Uber and my Uber driver was pregnant and then started going the wrong way if she was a woman. Started going the way that explains it started going the wrong way. And I was like, oh, that's the wrong way. And then she was like, you're my baby now.

Oh. Go on. You're my baby now and turned out she went full Terry Schuster and the pregnancy bump was fake and she took me home to my childhood home and started treating me like a baby.

And then thank God I watched so much criminal minds. I knew to feed into the delusion. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, I let her treat me like a little baby. And then I said, I just have to go grab some stuff at my home and then I'll come right back. And she was like, Oh God, yeah. And then I got out. It's so crazy. But then I had to crawl.

Oh my gosh, that's like a great, that's like a great play. It's crazy how me and you immediately will go. Like, what's that syndrome? And Stockholm syndrome, I'm like completely, I feel like me and you would be really good at faking Stockholm syndrome. No, I did not get Stockholm syndrome. No, I know, but faking it. Yes. Yes. You have to feed into the delusion 90% of the time. Sometimes the unsub will catch onto that and that will really aggravate them.

So you just have to keep a finger on the pulse of the answer. Okay, I'll try. Um, you know, I probably have E. Cola. No, I didn't. Yeah. Is that the day? Was that a dream too? No, that was a Twitter thing. I saw that yesterday. No, I don't, but I got food poisoning on last Thursday. I have it. But we're your symptoms.

The most, I still have it right now. The most unimaginable, bloating, constantly, and then visitation rights, visitation rights at any restroom space, 60 times a day. Do you need to make right now? No, but I just like, I've never had food poisoning in my life. And I know what it was. I feel like food poisoning is usually like puking, no? I don't know.

But it wasn't, it's never no puking involved. Not to talk about puking. Good. But I've never experienced food poisoning before. I got into Austin late at night. And so I did one of those like, I'm at the airport. I'm door dashing right now. So that's at my hotel. Yeah. Wait. Sorry. What was the food? Did you say?

Why is like street shawarma always open at 12, 30 a.m.? You know, I'm like, I should just drink water and pray and act like I'm fasting because it's 12, 30. I could just go to sleep or I could get two chicken shawarma. Yeah. You know, and eat both of them. That's your right. They were so delicious. I was like, I'm going to get these and get them tomorrow. I wake up. I'm not even going to say it because I would probably ask to cut what I was about to say. Just say it. And we could always cut it. Just say it. No, I don't even want you guys to know.

I'm going to tell you guys, but I want you guys not to look at me differently. I'm like, I'm on a fart in my bed. I sharded in my bed. Oh, that's fine. No, I get pooped in my bed. I poop the bed. Obviously, that's the best place to do it. Besides. Toilet. Aziz has to leave the studio space because she spilled everywhere from her mouth. Oh, she spilled from her mouth.

I from then on have not been OK this morning, not OK. I'm about like, I might have to go to urgent care and like have some somebody a professional look at my stomach. It's not OK.

and I narrowed it down to either that or my smoothie I had on Friday morning. Something tells me it was the shwarma. I'm leaning toward a shwarma. The street shwarma made probably with someone's bare hands. That's really just really disappointing. Anyways, I would have been right beside you and I'm a baby dream, just shitting my little crib, shitting in my crib.

I need a diaper change. Yeah. We all could use a good old fashioned diaper change. I had a blowout in my, in my, in my, in your, in my, in my, in my Fibs and friends mesh shorts, which are available for sale now. You too could start through your Fibs and friends mesh shorts.