142. The curse of being an overachiever

Being an overachiever in our twenties can lead to immense pressure, burnout, and anxiety. Many of us who were labeled as gifted or talented were raised with the expectation that we needed to be the best to have value. This pressure was not only from our families, but also from society and the education system. We were constantly seeking validation and praise by excelling in every aspect of our lives. However, as we enter adulthood, we may hit a point of burnout and realize that we can no longer be that person. We may encounter challenges that cannot be overcome by working harder or meet people who are naturally more talented, leading to an identity crisis. Ultimately, it is important to release ourselves from these expectations and pursue a balanced and healthy life.

Being an overachiever may seem rewarding and praised by society, but it can lead to unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment. Many overachievers struggle with excessive self-criticism, poor work-life balance, and constant focus on the future. A study conducted on high-earning overachievers found that more than half of them reported being unhappy, believing that achieving more would bring happiness, and feeling jealous or unhappy when others succeed. The pursuit of tangible success and pushing ourselves to our limits can create what researchers call the "superstar paradox," where those who seemingly have it all are objectively unhappy. Overachievers often sacrifice enjoying the present for the sake of attaining their dream life, but rarely find the time to actually enjoy it. The roots of overachieving tendencies often stem from childhood, where external expectations and pressure shape individuals into constantly striving for more. It is important to recognize that everyone is gifted in their own way, and overachieving can be harmful to overall well-being and happiness.

Labeling children as "gifted" may hinder their ability to explore their own identity and make independent choices for their future. Research has shown that many individuals who were labeled as gifted as children faced emotional problems and a limited sense of self beyond their intelligence. Prioritizing tangible success over personal joy and happiness can lead to missing out on important experiences and relationships. This phenomenon is similar to the golden child syndrome, where children are expected to fulfill their parents' achievements and live up to unattainable levels of perfection. This can result in self-imposed standards and an overachievement mindset. being an overachiever may have been a survival tool for many individuals in their younger years, providing a sense of validation and protection.

Being an overachiever often stems from feelings of insecurity and the need for external validation. We may use work, achievements, or grades as a proxy for self-worth and self-esteem. Society's emphasis on exceptionalism and hustle culture further reinforces this behavior. However, constantly working ourselves to exhaustion can have negative consequences on our well-being. It can act as a distraction from deeper emotional distress and prevent us from addressing our true feelings. Being an overachiever may bring praise and admiration, but it also raises the question of whether true happiness is being sacrificed in the process. It's important to recognize and admire our achievements while also questioning the need to push ourselves excessively.

Overachievers often struggle with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, burnout, and a never-ending cycle of self-doubt. While accomplishing things may provide a sense of pride and confidence for average individuals, for overachievers, success only leads to more pressure and guilt. Imposter syndrome is closely related to overachieving and is rarely seen in underachievers. Burnout, a state of complete exhaustion, becomes chronic for overachievers who constantly push themselves beyond their limits. Taking a day off or afternoon may not be enough to recover from burnout; it can take up to three months to fully recover. Ignoring the need to rest and recover can result in the body forcing a break at an inconvenient time.

Overachievers often experience a crisis of identity. This can happen when they encounter people who outperform them or when they face burnout, illness, or failure. These experiences make them question their worth and whether they have been living up to others' expectations. It leads to an existential crisis where they contemplate their definition of happiness and fulfillment. Overachievers often tie their worth to their productivity and busyness, constantly seeking validation from others. To recover from this mindset, it is important to have compassion for oneself, acknowledging that external factors influenced their behavior. Inner child healing and appreciating the factors that shaped their identity are crucial in reframing their relationship with success and finding value beyond productivity.

We have the power to shape our own values and define our own success. We shouldn't let external pressures and societal expectations dictate our worth or happiness. As adults, we are in charge of our own lives and decisions. This means being kind to ourselves and giving ourselves permission to rest and recharge. Rest is not a sign of laziness, but rather a necessary part of operating at our best. We should schedule regular time off and treat it as an important obligation. Additionally, we should clear our schedules of activities that don't truly make us happy and redefine our ideas of success. By reflecting on our own desires and priorities, we can live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Life is about more than achievements and constantly striving for success. It's important to celebrate and acknowledge our accomplishments, no matter how big or small they may seem. By making a big deal out of our successes, we can remind ourselves of our worth and combat feelings of imposter syndrome. Additionally, it's crucial to have open and honest conversations about the pressures we face as overachievers and the impact it can have on our mental health. Knowing that we are not alone in these experiences can provide a sense of relief and connection. Ultimately, we need to remember that there is a whole world out there where our accomplishments don't define us, and it's okay to simply enjoy life.